


Not Done Yet

by OrchidLurver



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Romance, Suspense, Who really knows what to write here anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:31:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 228,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7837720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrchidLurver/pseuds/OrchidLurver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier decides that it's time he seek-out some sort of help. One month later, he finds himself walking down a dirt road, the address of a safe house scribbled on a scrap piece of paper in his hand. With the help of an old friend and a new one, maybe he can give up this nomadic life, even if it's just for a little while. Doubtful, but it's worth a shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 : No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Yup, I started another fic. I'll never not have anything to write for anything I'm a fan of. Le Sigh. All my other stories, I'm always working on them, but I update and add to them whenever...I know that's horrible, but yeah, it is what it is I guess.
> 
> I started this one, well been a comic book geek forever. Have always loved this 'type' of character. Have always like the Winter Soldier to begin with, so this is just some fun on my part. It's more based in a realm between comics/movies/au. So if that's your cup'oh tea then have a gander.
> 
> As usual, not BETA'd. My mistakes and all that good stuff are my own.
> 
> Fair warning, it's a long chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer : This is for fun. I own, Chrissy, that's about it.

There's a tight, squeezing feeling in his chest, it hurts to breathe. A pulse drums so loudly behind his eyes and in his ears, he can't focus. It feels like he's underwater, drowning, only he knows he's not. The autumn leaves beneath his hand crunch as he clings to the earth, trying to remain grounded.

It's _stupid_ , he knows it, but he tries to concentrate on his knees that are planted firmly in the wet grass. The feeling is familiar, the knees of his jeans being wet and sticking to his skin. Pushing against a stump, the gears in his left arm slowly hum to life as he tries to push himself to a stand. Unsuccessful, he loses balance and drops down on all fours.

There's a painful bright flash in his minds eye. A memory, of frigid air, snow crunching under his combat boots. The Asset. There's a middle aged man in a torn snow suit a few feet away. He's bloodied and bruised and continues to crawl away from The Asset in the snow covered ground. The man tosses a helmet at his attacker's face, which he easily dodges. A metal hand forms a fist, ready to complete the night's mission. The man cries out in pain.

Another flash, another memory. This time his vision is blurry, there's people walking around The Soldier, no The Asset, in a room he can't quite see. They are speaking in a tongue he doesn't know, but to his surprise he can actually understand . Every word, plain as day. _When and how did that happen?_ Blinking forcefully doesn't help either, he still can't see much.

Uncertain as to how he knows, but The Asset is convinced he's drugged. Eyelids are heavy, wait something warm is running down his side, _oh god_ he's bleeding badly. He whimpers, trying to lift his arms, they're strapped down. Slowly, The Soldier turns his head so that he can inspect his side. Nausea creeps in, he was right. Only, it's worse than what he had originally thought. Had he been shot or hit with a piece of shrapnel, he wasn't sure.

Panicked, the Soldier's eyes dart around the room, _is someone going to help him?_ Why won't they help him? Surely they would if they knew he was going to bleed to death. He tries to speak, ask for help. The only thing he can manage is a muffled growl. Something's in his mouth, he almost gags. The people around him continue to mumble some words to each other, there's a sharp pain in his forearm and the world goes black.

"...listen." The Asset shakes his head, trying to regain his grip on reality. "...you hear me?" A voice, sounds far away.

"One. Breathe. Your name is James Barnes, you're from Brooklyn." A female voice informs. His breathing is still quick and shallow, maybe something hit him in the chest. _Like a truck? Why can't he breathe? Jesus Christ._

"Two. Breathe out. Your friends call you Bucky." The leaves make noise under the woman's boots as she takes a few steps closer. Still he struggles to breathe.

"Three. Breathe in, nice and slow. You're at a safe house in Northern Ontario, Canada. That's it." A light touch, her hand is resting on his shoulder, Bucky shrugs it off.

"Four. Breathe out. That's it. It's fall, the year is 2016. You came here three months ago." Her voice is calm and reassuring.

Bucky's breathing is still deep and shaky, but the flashes of pain and visions have stopped. "W-who..." His eyes squint, the face before him doesn't match anything he can remember.

"Christine Meilleur." A small warm smile, a relaxed demeanor. She's done this before, maybe with him. "You came here, to my home, three months ago."

Wait, what's the last thing he can remember? Bucky takes in a deep breath and surveys his surroundings. They're in a a trail, the cool wind blows gently through the trees causing colored leaves to fall from their branches.

Another recollection, this woman smiling up at him. "Chrissy?" That sounds about right as the word rolls off his tongue. She nods and takes a seat on the log he has been gripping onto. Hands in her pockets and scarf around her neck, she sniffles, her nose is pink from the crisp climate. Patience, she's letting him remember, letting him sort it out. A deep voice in the back of his head echoes **Risk Of Threat Assessed : Minor.**

Another memory, accept there's no flash or pain, only bits and pieces. A man's voice over a cell phone, saying he'll send a list of places Bucky can go to, places that _he_ knows are safe.

 _Steve_ , a familiar name, one he trusts.

Another puzzle piece, a dirt road, a long driveway, bugs and animals making their nocturnal noises as he debates knocking on a screen door.

"Steve...he said this was one of the places I could go." Why is his right shoulder trembling?

"That's right. He gave you a few other locations the Avengers use as safe houses or as a place to disappear to for a bit. For some reason, you chose to come here." The wind picks up and she shivers.

"Avengers..." Eyes widen with recognition, his mission. "but...I..." Wait, he remembers something. "I remembered him. Right before they made me forget...I had remembered." A cough escapes Bucky's mouth and his chest is beginning to feel tight again. "He knows I'm here?"

"Yep." Her tongue darts art, wetting her dry lips. "I informed him as soon as you showed up. When you spoke to him before showing up here, you requested that he give you sometime to yourself for now. He agreed..."

"Well he had some words first, and then he agreed." He scoffs, that part remembers.

Again, she nods, tucking a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Yes, but that's his way of showing he cares."

Bucky chews at the corner of his lip. "We were going for a long walk. And now you're cold." Knees still wobbly, he sits down next to her. "I'll be fine in a minute."

"Take your time, no rush." Chrissy's shoulders slouch forward, keeping her body heat to herself. "We'll warm up when we start walking."

After a few deep breaths, Bucky dust of his knees and stands. Adjusting his plaid jacket, he sees Chrissy smile up at him. "Better?"

"Better." He clears his voice and pockets his hands. "We should head back."

Brushing off the chills, the small woman loops an arm in his like it was an everyday normal thing. He looks down at her quizzically. "You should be more cautious. Specially round me."

"Well, the way I see it, if you were gonna do anything, you would of done it by now. Sometimes you forget things, most times you don't. If it's my time to go, well then it's my time to go. Right now, I'm just enjoying the walk."

Bucky sighs, his focus now back on the trail. As they continue their trek back to the little hobby farm, Chrissy can feel that he's still not at ease. His ears are scanning noises for possible foot steps or anything mechanical. Eyes trained to miss nothing continue to search for unknown threats.

"You know..." Chrissy's voice shakes him from his paranoia, briefly. Well, it's not really paranoia, it's mostly old habits, training and well alright, maybe he's a bit paranoid. "You're not the scariest person I've been around. Remember." She giggles lightly.

He mulls over this statement for a moment. A memory of him asking about some of the people in the pictures on the walls. First, he had pointed to one man, an unfamiliar face. Chrissy's smile had faded a bit at that one. Then there was one of Steve and another. She had brightened again as she told him stories to go along with the framed photos. Tony and a man named Clint in another, and then Bucky found one, a scruff man, he was positive he'd seen him before.

"Logan." Chrissy had told him some stories about the wild Canadian man. Bucky and Steve were old, but Logan, was older. Finally, he's starting to remember the past few months.

"Logan." Chrissy repeats. "You can be scary," She admits outright. "But he's worse."

This revelation does something weird to his stomach. Is it the fact that there's someone more vile than him out there, or is it the fact that he had a twinge of jealousy knowing she found this other man more intimidating. _You're loosing it Barnes._

Letting a small grunt form in his chest, Bucky's arm flexes instinctively.

Chrissy smirks. "Apples and oranges here, Buck." She hits him with her hip. "That's like comparing two really big bears to a box of kittens."

"Are you saying I'm a kitten?" He's officially annoyed now.

Chuckling loudly, Chrissy slaps his forearm with her free hand. "No I'm saying, you are both big, scary, bad asses and I'm comparing you both to the rest of the world." She tucks her hand back into her coat pocket. "Two different bears, but bears none the less."

"So who would you classify as a kitten?" Bucky tries to keep his tone and face serious, but can't help the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Thor. Definitely." A grin appears on her face. Bucky looks at her puzzled. "Albeit, a very powerful, beer drinking, kitten. But he's not someone I would classify as scary. Well unless you hurt someone he cares about or you're his enemy."

"I think we need to work on how you assess your targets...I mean..." His face blanches. "Jesus...I meant..." He stops walking and hangs his head, ashamed. _Why does his brain always go there. Damn-it._

"I know what you meant Bucky, it's alright."

"Don't tell Kitten Thor about that, alright?" He tries for humor.

He succeeds. "Alright. Lets go get warm." She tugs at his arm and they continue their small hike.

* * *

_Three and a half months ago_

"Look, you're nervous. You have plenty of reason to be." A steady voice on the other end of a stolen cell phone tries to sound convincing. "But we can help..."

Bucky knows the other man means well, but the idea that he'd be staying with a bunch of people that he had tried to kill is not very comforting. Who could blame them if they held any grudges. Alright, it's been a year or so, maybe they understand why he did what he did. Maybe they're over it.

_Maybe._

Maybe, they're not.

That's not who he is anymore. That's not what he does anymore.

Could they understand that? Steve seems to.

Then there's the what ifs. What if Hydra has some other undercover agent, some spy, just waiting for him to return. Waiting for the right moment to make this sleeper agent active again. He can't risk it. Bucky knows his mind is to frail, does that make him less of a man for admitting in? No. He catches a glimpse of his left hand out of the corner of his eye. But that does.

"I can't." An answer, low but firm.

"Then why did you call? Come on Buck." He knows the man's desperate. Rogers just wants his buddy back, but that man doesn't exist anymore. "Are you alright? Are you injured?" There's a pause. "Did you hurt anyone."

"No. I don't do that anymore." He replies gruffly.

"Alright." Bucky can hear the Captain clear his throat. "Look, I'm going to send you a list of a few places-"

Bucky's irritated with the man's persistence, but he remains silent.

"-they're out of reach. Some off grid. Places the Avengers use as safe houses and get-a-ways. You should be getting them now."

There's a beep as the phone he's _borrowing_ receives a text message. Bucky runs his tongue along his teeth. "How do I know you or...your team won't come looking for me?"

"Because you asked me not to, Buck." Steve lets out a long breath. "You're not alone, pal. Look, just...just take care of yourself alright?"

Silence.

"And, if you need something, anything...just...you know how to reach me."

With nothing more needing to be said, Bucky ends the call, writes down the addresses Steve sent and then crushes the phone. He tosses the broken device, and stares at the piece of paper in his hand. Most of these places are all over the world, three of them are in North America.

Seeing as he's still in Minnesota, he sighs, knowing that where he's now headed is going to be real damn cold in a few months.

* * *

It's been a long two weeks of hitch hiking and walking. So much walking. Bucky will never understand how there's just so much forest and space here and barely any sign of civilization. The dirt road is dry and dusty, with each step he takes a small sand cloud follows. Not to mention it's hot. Wasn't Canada suppose to be cooler?

Pressing on in the dark, he finally makes it to an arched gate at the end of a terribly long drive way. "Fox Tail Farm?" He raises a brow as he walks under the sign and continues pressing forward.

The sounds of horses settling in the barn, frogs by the lake and a dog barking. He's nervous. Bucky stops midway up the driveway, debating if this was a bad idea. Maybe he got the wrong place. Maybe he'll be turned away.

Blue eyes look back down the driveway to the road. No, he traveled all this way. Just a few more steps. The dog's barking becomes rambunctious. _That's it, up the stairs, now knock on the door you god damn coward._ A screen door is the only thing stopping him from entering this house? How safe can this place be? Somehow he just knows this tiny door isn't even locked, and it looks like the only security is a dog, who's wagging his tail happily.

"Can I help you?" A woman comes to the door, smiling. "You must be lost if you're out here at this time of night."

A bit shocked by her lack of self-preservation, Bucky shakes his head lightly and clears his throat. "I was given this address..." He presents the scrap piece of paper.

The woman opens the door, while sipping her tea and takes the paper. The dog, a retriever, pads around their feet, panting cheerfully.

"Is it really safe for you to just be opening your door to strangers? Shouldn't you be sending me away or something?" Honestly, he's a bit concerned.

"Why? You planning on doing something I should be worried about?" She asks with a smile.

"Uh, well no...it's just..." What's wrong with this woman?

She returns the paper to Bucky's gloved hand.. "You must be American." She laughs, he remains silent. Why is that funny? Could he really still be considered American? "Canadians, not so much about locking their doors and turning people away. Specially this far north. Chances are, you come knocking on my door, it's because I either know you, or you need help of some sort."

The strange man before her bites the inside of his lip, he's uneasy.

"And since I don't remember seeing your face..." She winks in his direction. "What can I do for you? Need to call someone?"

"No, no. I...I'm..." He lets out a small breath. "I was told this was a place I could come...if..." Why can't he just spit out the words? He's never usually this awkward, is he? How would he really know. Sure he avoided people, but that didn't mean he couldn't verbally express anything. Or maybe...maybe he's just embarrassed, ashamed of who or what he has been all these years. Even if it wasn't really his choice.

"Ahhh." The woman nods, seeming to finally understand what he's getting at. "Steve?"

"Steve." He sighs, relieved and lets a small thin smile appear. "Yes."

"Come in." The woman moves aside and gestures with her chin for him to make his way into her home.

"You sure?" Bucky shifts his bag on his shoulder.

With an amused exhale, she ushers him in. "I got an email about two weeks ago saying that one of our spots might be getting a new guest. Don't know why you chose to come all the way up here."

The tired man shrugs his shoulders as he takes a few steps into the home. "It's far from everything."

"That it is." The dark-haired woman lets the dog back in as well and places her mug on one of the end tables. She lifts her hand in his direction. "I'm Christine Meilleur, but you can call me Chrissy. And that big boy over there is Jake. You must be James Barnes."

He takes her small hand in his and shake it's lightly. "Bucky."

"Bucky. Alright." Chrissy resumes sipping her tea. "Well, you must be exhausted. I'll show you to your room, but I have a few conditions in order for you to stay here."

Blue eyes are wandering the room, but now that she needs his attention, she has it. "I grew up old school here, so there's no hats on in my home, and no shoes on your feet when you leave the foyer. You're not here to work, but if you want to, hell I won't stop you. Anything you need, you let me know. It's all paid for, I can explain all that in the morning. I'll show you around the property tomorrow as well."

Bucky can't help but smirk. "Alright, I can live with that. Honestly, I thought you were going to tell me to stay in the barn."

"Well, you could, it's your choice." Chrissy giggles. "There's only one thing I want in return."

Patiently Bucky waits for this small woman to continue.

"Is there anything you need to tell me? Anything I should know?" She can see Bucky become a little unnerved. "Steve already had the Avengers send a file on...your past. That's not what I'm concerned about." Her eyes soften, she places her cup on the table again, makes her way towards him and rests a gentle hand on his forearm.

"Are you injured? Or hungry? Things of that nature. Is there anything you need right now?"

Bucky's eyes widen, why would she care.

"Listen, I'm not here to judge or to make your stay uncomfortable. I just want you to feel safe and welcomed. Alright?" Her grip tightens slightly as she waits for his response.

Kindness. Strange. Something he's not really accustomed to. Bucky lowers his gaze, unable to look at her, and nods his. "I... Sometimes-" Is he really saying this out loud? "-I forget things. Or I have episodes where I remember things..." How's he suppose to explain this?

"Alright. We can work with that." A quick affirmation, one he's not sure she can totally grasp. "Now, I bet you're looking forward to a hot shower and a nice bed."

After he'd removed his shoes, Chrissy had shown him to his room. It's not massive, but it's not small either. There's a decent sized bed, a bathroom, some shelves, a dresser, a desk and a closet.

"The bathroom's fully supplied. There's extra linen and supplies in the closet down the hall. When I was informed you might be coming, I ordered some clothes that should fit you. That's all in the dresser." She wipes her hands on her hips and places them in her back pockets.

"I..." His eyes look around the room, he can't help it, it's all the years of training, all he knows. "Thanks."

"No problem. My room is at the end of the hall, if you need anything, just let me know. Oh and if you want to browse around the house, feel free to do so."

Bucky feels out of place. His hands continue to grip the backpack on his shoulder even after she leaves. Blue eyes continue to scan the room. Oh he'll browse around the house alright. Every window, exit and loose floor board. He'll assess everything. For some reason, he assumes that this woman is well aware of this.

* * *

After Chrissy falls asleep, Bucky investigates the entire house. From the rooms on the second floor all the way down to the basement. Curiosity now satiated. However, his mind is still not one hundred percent positive that everything here is as it seems. There's a strange panel by every door and in every bedroom, one in the kitchen, the living room and one in the basement. Is he safe? Enough for the time being at least.

Quietly, he unpacks what little possessions he owns and takes a well deserved and long awaited hot shower. Bucky checks the dresser and is surprised to see that all of the clothing looks like it might actually fit him. He puts on a pair of light pants and allows himself to collapse onto the soft bed.

But he won't sleep, only relax.

There's no way he'll be sleeping here, at least not for a little while, not until he absolutely sure it's safe.

The next morning, Chrissy shows him around the house. Positive he's already inspected the place top to bottom, but she's prefers to go over everything, and she figures that Bucky probably appreciates the courtesy.

"I've noticed these panels all over the place." Bucky gestures with his thumb to the clear tile on the wall in the living room by the door.

"Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me." Chrissy places her hand over the square and it lights up and scans her palm. "I'll have to get you set up with this. It's Tony's design."

 _"Mrs Meilleur please commence the setup for our new house guest."_ A robotic female voice with a french accent is heard.

"What the hell is that?" Bucky looks at her hand still pressed against the wall.

"This is our security system of sorts, Charlotte." Chrissy explains. "I have to get your palm print registered, she'll also take a quick blood sample from you at the same time. Charlotte just needs to catalogue you into the system so that you can cross areas where there are electromagnetic fields and places where the security grid ends on the property."

Bucky is looking more and more uncomfortable with this idea. He knew something was different about this _'farm'._

"I just don't want her deeming you a threat. If she does, her defense systems will get activated, and that's never good. The only reason she didn't do anything to you last night was because Jake saw you coming down the drive way and I told her to stand down."

Bucky's shoulders slump forward, defeated. "Ah...alright." Chrissy moves aside and allows Bucky to press his hand against the panel.

_"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky. Thank you James or would you prefer I call you Bucky?"_

Bucky's eyes search the room, trying to determine where exactly the voice is coming from. "Uhh...Bucky is fine. Oww."

_"Thank you for your cooperation, Bucky. I have everything required to admit you to my data base."_

"Sure thing..." Bucky is really not sure if he likes or trusts this Charlotte. He places his thumb in his mouth. "Jeez..." He shakes his hand.

"Oh please." Chrissy rolls her eyes. "Alright, time for a urine sample." Chrissy receives a steely glare from Bucky. "I'm joking Bucky lighten up."

"You're not funny." He says a little too flatly.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm hilarious." Chrissy makes he way to the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Sure." Bucky follows suit, while scanning the room over yet again.

"So like I said last night. Anything you need, let me know. Your stay is being covered by The Avengers."

"Right. Good way for the Government to keep tabs on me at all times." Ridiculous, Bucky starts to think maybe coming here was a bad idea.

Chrissy hands him a hot mug of coffee. "Do you blame them?" It's not meant to be rude or insulting, only a proclamation, doesn't mean she agrees with it.

"No. I deserve much worse." He begins chewing the inside of his cheek.

"It's more of a token of good faith. Sure, they get to keep tabs on you a bit, but they're staying out of your way and no one is coming here to haul you off to some horrible punishment." She adds cream and sugar to her own coffee. "They monitor the surrounding area and make sure no one else is trying to drag you away either. Seems like a pretty good deal considering..."

 _The fact that the rest of the world's Governments probably want you locked up or worse._ Is what he knows she leaves out on purpose.

Bucky contemplates her words more carefully. "They're trying to recruit me." A statement, not a question.

"Well they're hoping that with time, maybe you'll want to help them out in return." Chrissy blows over the hot liquid in her cup. "No one is going to force you to do anything you don't want to."

"What do you get out of all this?" Even he finds the way he said that to be a bit harsh, but he doesn't let it show across his features.

"Me?" Chrissy exhales. "A decent paycheck, a handful of good friends, and every once and a while some company."

"So they're alright with dumping someone like me into your home." Bucky tilts his head back grinning, he can't believe these people, or Steve. This woman, is just, well a woman. What would she be able to do against... _don't think like that._

"I've dealt with... similar cases." She grins, knowing full well what must be going through his mind. "I was made aware of your history. I was given the option to turn you down."

"And you didn't?" Bucky sips his beverage, while thinking this lady is completely mad.

"Steve trusts you, he believes in you. That's good enough for me."

* * *

A few days pass and the two of them start to form somewhat of a routine. Chrissy wakes every morning at 6:00 am, only to find that her new house guest is already up. Bucky's usually busy at this time, chopping wood, which she had told him is not necessary, mostly because she has a splitter. At the rate he's going she's going to have enough to last three winters. Chrissy figures that maybe, it's not such a bad idea, it's probably a good way for him to release some stress or pent up anger.

She makes breakfast and they eat while Charlotte plays the news, which never has anything important to announce. Normally after that, Chrissy would have usually fed the animals and get things around the farm done. Now things are different, after learning how everything worked and the daily routine, Bucky started taking over most of her chores, insisting it made him feel like he was contributing.

Now, with more time on her hands, Chrissy is able to catch up on all the paper work that needs to be kept track of. Not to mention go through files and submit reports that the Avengers request from her on a regular weekly basis.

A few weeks after Bucky's arrival go by, and Chrissy begins to notice a few things. The shadows under his eyes are darker, his energy levels seem to be dipping and every now and then she catches him leaning up against a wall or a tree, clutching his chest. Every time he waves her off, assuring her it's nothing to worry about, but she knows better.

* * *

It's early morning, Chrissy heads to the barn to brush one of the horses, she finds Bucky near the old red tractor, kneeling with his head in his hands, clutching his hair. He's grunting and his shoulders are pulled up, he's in pain. Dropping everything in her hands, Chrissy rushes up next to him. "Bucky, hey are you alright?" She kneels down in the dirt beside him, grabbing hold of his shoulder.

Briskly, the man pushes her aside. "Don't...don't touch me." He whispers a bit frantically.

Thinking maybe she'd done something to cause him more discomfort, Chrissy backs up slowly. "Tell me what you need." Her voice is calm and steady.

Bucky's head turns towards her, his moist blue eyes look like they are full of fear and regret. That's when Chrissy realizes something.

"Where am I? Did I hurt anyone?"

He's not frightened of something, Bucky's afraid of what he might have done. She sees his eyes scan their surroundings. _Confusion._ Bucky pushes his brown hair back, his gaze lands on her form, his lip is trembling. He really thinks he's done something horrible.

Stunned by his questions, Chrissy shakes her head. "What? No. You're at a safe house, in Canada. You've been here a few weeks." She remains still, fearing any sudden movement might spook him.

Bucky wipes the sweat from his brow. "You're sure I didn't hurt anyone?" He sounds unconvinced. "Usually, when I forget things, people get hurt or...killed." The last word is almost a whisper as it's dragged out between his grinding teeth. In an effort to ease the pain in his head, Bucky places a palm at his temple.

Chrissy takes a few cautious steps towards the exhausted man. "I'm sure Bucky." She clears her throat. "Do you remember me?"

"Your face...not you're name." Bucky sighs at this confession. He's too drained to try and figure out if she's actually trying to help him or if she's...one of them.

"Come on, lets get you inside, maybe you just need some rest." She holds out her hand, which he doesn't accept. Although, Bucky does rise on his shaky legs and makes his way towards her. Chrissy places a hand on his back and the other on his arm, hoping to show support and comfort.

"It'll come back to me...the last few days. Just takes a few minutes." He admits, apologetically. This part he's all too familiar with.

"Don't worry about it. I know you haven't been sleeping, at all. So maybe it's time you get some actual rest." Chrissy offers him a worried smile, he nods in agreement. "I'll go with you upstairs, make sure you don't need anything, but then you have to promise me that you'll sleep, ok?" Again, a slight nod from him is all she receives. "I promise, you're safe here."

That afternoon, she decides to get some canning, preserves and baking done. While she's cutting up the strawberries for the jam, Bucky makes his way down the stairs to the main floor.

"Feel better now that you are rested and cleaned up? You were pretty out of it and dirty." She teases while glancing over her shoulder in Bucky's direction.

"Well, that's what I get for trying to fix that hunk of metal." His eyes glare out the large window at the old tractor sitting in front of the barn.

"I warned you before, it's stubborn. Reminds me of someone." Chrissy clears her throat and smiles to herself.

Bucky tries to hide his smirk and begins wandering down the main hall. "You sure have a lot of pictures." The photos are everywhere, the walls, the shelves. His right hand traces the edge of a large photo of Steve and Tony sitting by a fire.

Wiping her hands with a dish towel, Chrissy makes her way towards him. "Lots of good times. Lots of great memories." She smiles fondly at her wall of nostalgia and rests her hands on her hips. "That's a nice one. They were both quiet for once, just sitting there enjoying doing absolutely nothing. Didn't even notice me snap a picture."

"Did they come here a lot?" He continues looking at the same photo.

Chrissy nods, even though Bucky can't see her. "Yeah. Still do. Just... not recently."

He knows she's referring to the request he made of Steve.

"But they will come back eventually. Always do." Her eyes land on a picture of The Captain and Nat, sitting at the end of a dock while Clint tosses a stick for Jake. "That was another great time, Clint had worked on that same tractor all day. Steve and Nat had went horse back riding. Turns out, they're not much for horses." She scoffs.

"Who's this?" Bucky asks with genuine interest as he picks up a worn, white wooden frame. The man in the photo is leaning against an old Chevy truck, a beer in his hand, smiling down at Chrissy who's playing with what he assumes is Jake as a puppy.

When he doesn't receive an answer, he turns to see Chrissy looking a bit somber. "That's..." She swallows a lump in her throat. "Connor. He's...was, my husband. He died a week after that photo."

"I'm sorry." Why is his heart beating oddly? When was the last time he cared if someone was in distress?

"Ah..." She crosses her arms. "I'm fine, just still a bit of a sore spot there, you know? It's been five years now."

"How..." He finds himself asking. _Jesus, you just can't help yourself can you Barnes._

"Oh. Uhm. A car crash." Her hands slide into her back pockets. "We were helping the Avengers then too." Chrissy smiles fondly at her memory from long ago.

"Connor used to work in the military years ago, then the Government offered him this job. We'd be able to help people with special abilities. We would also help the ones that needed to surpass the traumas they'd survived." Chrissy's eyes drift to Bucky, and he feels put on the spot a bit. "He wanted to be part of it, so did I."

She makes her way back to the kitchen and starts dropping the berries into the pot. Bucky takes a seat a the table, watching as she continues to make the preserves. "Anyways, one night we were on our way back home, we had just dropped off one of our new guests at the air port. Road to recovery." She snickers at this thought.

"It was cold and snowing. For some reason I decided to bring Jake with us, he was my early anniversary present from Connor and I didn't want the poor puppy at home alone." Chrissy begins sorting all of the other ingredients she needs. "It was dark, but even from the road we could see the flames and smoke coming over the trees. Somehow, the house had caught fire. So, I get on my cell and I call the fire station. As soon as I hang up, we hit a patch of glare ice, skid and go over the road rails. When I woke up, Jake was whining and wandering around in the snow, I don't know how he survived."

Placing the measured ingredients on the counter, Chrissy turns to face Bucky. "My vision was a bit blurry, but I could see Connor." She shakes her head lightly, trying to force the vile images from her mind. "He'd been on the side of the car that had hit the rocks edge, he was unrecognizable at that point." Chrissy can feel the threat of tears sting at the corner of her eyes. "I was hurt pretty bad and probably would have died as well had Steve and the others not showed up when they did."

Remembering Connor and how horribly he must have suffered while she was out, Chrissy feels a few tears make their way down her cheek. Quickly she wipes her face with the back of her hand. "Jesus, I'm sorry. That was a downer."

"It's alright." Quickly, Bucky rises from his chair. "Come here." He hushes, and wraps his arms around her, allowing Chrissy to cling to his frame and bury her face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." Chrissy pushes away from him gently. "But thanks for caring."

Bucky's mouth forms a thin line as he nods. Then he pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Is that what that was? Did he care that she was upset? Or was he just doing what he thought one should do in a situation such as that? Instincts? These are questions he'd have to reanalyze later on.

"Anyways, once I was recovered, Steve and Nat brought me back here. The house had been totally rebuilt, with a few of Tony's touches. The only thing I have left from my time with Connor is that picture and that frame, which is made from pieces of the old house."

"And Jake." Bucky reminds her. Hearing his name, the dog pads over lightly and pushes his head against Bucky's thigh. Receiving a scratch behind the ears, Jake pants thoughtfully.

"Yes, how could I forget Jake." Chrissy's smile brightens. "My big bad guard dog."

Bucky chuckles at the thought of this dog being anything other then loving. "Yes, I was shaking with fear the first time I meant him." A towel is tossed in his face.

"Alright, you boys go on, this woman has work to do." She watches as Jake and his new friend make their way outside to roam the fields.

* * *

After dinner, Chrissy does the dishes, not letting Bucky help. She pushes him from her kitchen and begins cleaning while humming a Johnny Cash song. Sipping at his iced tea, Bucky wanders back to the photos. For some reason, he likes looking at all these mementos. Black and white, colored and sepia tones. Every once and a while, he'd see a picture of Steve and he'd get a flash. Not a full fledged memory, but more of a corner of it. A smile, a laugh, a smell.

Sometimes, when Bucky would look at a picture of Natasha or of other people he didn't quite recognize, he'd get the same thing, and he wasn't quite sure why. Then as he's wrestling with that thought, Bucky's attention lands on the photo of someone he gets the impression he knows. "Who's this?" He asks while handing Chrissy the frame.

"Does he seem familiar to you?" She asks, waiting for his reaction.

"I'm not sure." He shrugs his shoulders. "Sometimes, I get this sense...as if I just know I know something. I can't really explain it."

Chrissy licks her lips and smiles. "This is Logan." She hands the picture back to Bucky. "He was the one me and Connor drove to the airport that night..." She trails off and clears her throat. "Anyways, you two have a few things in common actually."

Intrigued Bucky looks at the photo again. "As in."

"Well you both came here seeking refuge. You're both old."

"Hey!" Bucky scoffs at her cheap shot.

Chrissy shrugs her shoulders. "Well, he's much older. You both had some branch of a Government make you into their weapons. Logan, he was submitted to tortures and had his memory erased as well. He too was forced to do unspeakable things." Chrissy rinses some plates and places them in the dish rack. "He was brought here. The only thing he could tell us was his name. He'd wake up at night, screaming or worse..."

Chrissy sighs. "He ruined countless sheets and almost killed Connor a few times. But in the end, he found some sort of peace."

Hopeful, Bucky asks the question he hopes she'll be able to answer. "Did he ever...remember, you know, his life?"

She folds the dish towel and places it on the table. Chrissy's face and eyes are full of compassion, she takes his right hand in hers. "No, I'm afraid not. Not all of it. His mind was too damaged."

Bucky feels his shoulders drop, deflated. "I see."

"Listen Bucky, that's not to say you won't. But, you also may never remember everything." Bucky seems to be getting discouraged.

Chrissy tightens her grip on his hand. "I understand that's frustrating. Even if you end up remembering, there's nothing to say that you'll even be the same as you were before this." She places her free hand on his metal forearm. "I know you just want to remember your life, Steve, your family. Maybe by remembering all of that you can be that man again. But in reality you're not. Maybe you never will be. You had your life and choices torn away from you and were forced to do unimaginable things."

Bucky stands a little stiffer and lets out a shaky breath. "You're not under anyone's control now. Your life is your own. You are and can continue to be a good man. I know that you feel like your hands are drenched in blood, and that maybe you're not worth saving. But it's the choices you make when given the option to that do and will matter."

"I don't know what the authorities will say about that." Bucky snickers.

"Steve will help you, the Avengers will help you. You just need to let them. And for what it's worth I believe in you." Pushing to stand on the tips of her toes, Chrissy places feather light kiss on his cheek.

Bucky nods, biting his lip. "Thanks."

"Now, get out of my kitchen." Chrissy grabs the dirty pots and begins scrubbing them. "And put that picture back where you found it." She giggles.

"Yes mom!"

* * *

There it is again, what the hell is that noise? A tapping? No a ticking. His hearing seems to be playing tricks on him, because it almost sounds like ice cracking and thawing. There's mumbling, someone's trying to talk to him or trying to talk to someone near him. Is he under water, because that's what it sounds like. More muttering, a bright light is flashed in each of his eyes that are being forced open. There's a second voice speaking, he can't focus on what it is they are saying. The Soldier can feel his body trembling, he's freezing. Why does he feel so weak?

The Soldier shuts his eyes for a second, trying to adjust to the lighting in this musty smelling room. When he opens his eyes next, he's being strapped into a chair. What's going on, is what he wants to say, but all he can muster is a few groans. Someone is forcing his head back, he doesn't have the strength to fight them off. As his eyes try to identify the people doing this, his face is covered by some sort of machine. This is _wrong._ This doesn't feel right. These people _aren't_ helping him.

God, he just knows this is going to be painful.

A knock at his door wakes him from, well, from whatever _hell_ that was. Bucky's knees give out beneath him when he tries to stand and make his way to the door. There's a crash when he hits the floor, having a metal arm makes it sound louder and a lot worse than what it actually is.

"Bucky!" No longer waiting for him to respond, Chrissy pushes the door open and turns on a lamp. She finds Bucky slowly lifting himself off the floor.

"I'm fine." He lies and he's horrible at it. Some spy.

"Right." Chrissy can see that he's shaking. Skin, icy to the touch when she grabs a hold of his arm to help him get back up. "You're cold." She finds the spare blanket at the end of his bed and wraps it around his upper body.

"No, I'm fine. Really." Bucky huffs as he sits at the edge of the bed.

"Uh huh, right. I've touched frozen lakes warmer then you." She sits next to him and starts rubbing his arms, forgetting all about his metal prosthetic. "What happened? You wanna tell me? It might help."

Bucky exhales softly. "I think...I think, I was dreaming...it was one of the first times they woke me up. I was freezing and couldn't figure out why. Then, they were prepping me for all the other usual stuff. I was just so panicked and they wouldn't stop..." He stares off into an abyss of nothing.

"You mean a nightmare." Chrissy sighs. She can't begin to conceive the amount of torture and pain this man must have went through, all alone, over and over, for years. Instantly, she blinks back a few tears she knows are creeping up on her. "Is there anything else you can remember?" She's not sure she wants to hear more, but if it'll help him...

"Yeah...I just...I can't." Bucky doesn't want to have to verbally admit to those things out loud, because then that makes them real, then they really happened and that's worse then just remembering.

"Hey, it's alright. You don't have to, but I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone and Steve is just a phone call away, ok?" She sees him think this over and nod. How she wants to brush his hair back behind his ears and tell him that everything will be alright, but Chrissy figures that's a boundary not meant to be broken just yet. Besides, everything will be alright? How could she possibly guarantee that?

With a look of defeat set in his eyes, Bucky looks up at her. Chrissy knows he wants to say thanks, but settles for a distraught grin. Not a man of many words, but his eyes can say most of what he wants to convey. At this point, Chrissy's kind of at a loss as to what she should do. Should she stay here and continue to just sit silently with him, hoping that will be suffice to ease his mind. Or should she bid him good night, maybe he wants to be left alone. Should she ask? What exactly is proper protocol here?

Chrissy opts to stay as long as Bucky needs. When she becomes a nuisance, he'll let her know. "Did you want me to make you something warm to drink?"

Bucky declines, shaking his head and again he shivers.

"How about you lie back down. I'll get you another blanket." He doesn't fuss or appose. Chrissy moves out of the way and goes to the hall closet to obtain another comforter. When she returns, he's curled up on his side, fast asleep. Careful not to disrupt him, she places the extra blanket over his sleeping form. Deciding to give him a few minutes before she leaves, Chrissy takes a seat in the sofa chair. Pulling her knees up to her chin and holding her ankles, she listens as his breathing becomes heavy with sleep and relaxation.

Eyelids are heavy, she shakes herself from her fatigue, just a few minutes she tells herself, then she'll make her way back to her bed. How horrible would she feel if he were to have another episode right after she left. Just a few more minutes, she yawns.

* * *

Did he really sleep for most of the night? That's a first in, well...What time is it? Bucky checks his clock. 5:00 AM stares back at him in angry bright green. Alright, half the night, still a first in God knows how long. He pushes off the three large blankets and is just about to stand when he hears a small noise.

Chrissy is asleep, in the chair near his dresser. If he really wanted to, Bucky could leave the room without making a noise. Assassin training, espionage training, he was taught to be invisible in plain sight. As Bucky is about to leave her there, maybe just cover her with a sheet, something tugs at his, well he doesn't know, at his something and it makes him feel bad. He rolls his eyes and then shuts them, silently cursing at himself.

Gently Bucky lifts her, cradling her small frame against his own, he then heads for Chrissy's room. As if sensing someone is moving around the home, Jake comes barrelling up the stairs, excited, hoping someone is about to feed him or let him outside. Bucky knows that Jake has no spy training, only a keen sense for really bad timing.

Like the time they were outside and Bucky was lying on the ground underneath the tractor, trying to get it going again, Jake wanted to play fetch and Bucky was ignoring him. Rude. That was the wrong thing to do. One of Jake's favorite things to play with is tools for some odd reason, and on that day he was favoring a hammer. Not wanting to be ignored, Jake had dropped the tool right on Bucky, well right on Bucky's crotch to be exact.

Remembering this, Bucky tries to signal Jake to be quiet. With a bit of luck, Jake ceases his movements and sits right away. 'Good Boy' Bucky mouths towards the frisky dog. 'Stay' He hopes his brow is delivering a stern warning. 'Stay'. Bucky uses his finger between Chrissy's shoulder blades and points at Jake.

Not wanting to turn his back on the retriever, Bucky quietly backs his way into Chrissy's room. Every step, every distance in this house has been catalogued in his brain. He knows how many steps it will take him to get from the door to the bed. Suddenly, he realizes that might be something someone may consider a bit, creepy. He makes a mental note to not inform anyone of this knowledge. But with the way his brain works, he'll be lucky if he remembers what he did Monday.

Feeling confident that Jake will remain in the hall, Bucky turns around when he reaches the bed. Delicately, he deposits Chrissy's sleeping form and wraps her with the bedding. He's just about to close the door when Jake barks, loudly. Bucky winces, _damn dog._

"Bucky?" Chrissy sits up, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Early, you should sleep." As she lies back down, Bucky shuts the door and walks towards the dog. 'Bad' he mouths while pointing at Jake, who's wagging his tail happily.

Bucky heads down the stairs, when he reaches the bottom he hears a low whine. Lowering his head, he sighs and pats his thigh. "Come on."

The canine's nails make scratching noise as he quickly descends the stairs, panting and rushing to be next to his buddy. "Yeah, yeah."


	2. Chapter 2 : Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy Moly! Another long one folks. You've been warned. As usual, please enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer : I'm making no money off this. Chrissy and Jake are the only things mine in here.

When's the last time he felt relaxed? Bucky can't seem to remember, even with his present memories. Isn't that a bit, odd? Not one time in the past year since he's been on the move has he been able to take a deep inhale and just stop and not think.

It's getting darker outside a bit faster these days, Autumn is slowly creeping in. Sitting on a log by a small fire, petting Jake on the head, Bucky stares out at the lake. Finally, he feels content enough to let his muscles relax. He can hear the screen door open, and Chrissy's soft foot falls as she makes her way across the deck.

"Hey." He acknowledges her over his shoulder.

"I got beer." The lively woman grins while holding up a small case of Sleeman's. "It's been a long week. I say, we chill."

With no reason to disagree, Bucky smirks and continues to give attention to his canine friend. Chrissy deposits the box behind the large piece of timber and takes a seat. Her long knitted sweater bunches up around her as she tries to get comfortable. Really her attire is just, well, all over the place. Long sweater, boots, but the woman has a tank top and shorts on.

"You're not cold?" He accepts the cool beverage she offers him.

"That's what the sweater and fire are for right?" Chrissy crosses her legs and admires the lake. This time of night, on the farm has always been her favorite. The loons calling out to one an another, the frogs making their nocturnal noises and the water gently lapping at the shore.

Chrissy's eyes turn to Bucky, she's not gawking, only thinking, profoundly. This man who's been so high strung since he arrived, finally feels at ease. He feels at home.

Bucky starts fidgeting, uncomfortable with being stared at. "What?" He asks jokingly.

For the first time since he's been here she notices a genuine full smile. "Nothing. I'm just glad to see you finally decompress." The fire cracks and a few sparks are sent towards the night sky. It's the first time that he seems so normal, so human. Even with his jacket's sleeves rolled up, his prosthetic in plain view, Bucky just seems like your average Joe. There's life in his eyes, _this_ is the guy Steve's trying to save.

With everything he's been through and done, in the end he made the right choice. Bucky walked away from a bad situation. From the beginning, all this Soldier ever wanted to do was protect people, serve his country. From the beginning the odds were stacked against him. Isn't it about time he stands on the receiving end of that same amount of dedication. Help, it's all anyone ever really wants in return, but most don't know how to ask for it, if they even feel like they deserve it.

Bucky takes a drink of his Sleeman and clears his throat. He wants the conversation to head in a different direction. "I was wondering if I could use the saw mill and planer the next few days."

Chrissy smiles warmly in his direction. "Tired of cutting wood now you want to cut down trees?"

"I ran out of wood to cut." Bucky readjusts his ball cap and tries not to laugh.

"Yup, good here till winter 2020." Chrissy smirks while drinking her beer. "I don't care if you want to use any of the equipment. It's basically available to keep people entertained when they're staying here so they don't go stir crazy."

"Alright." Bucky places his empty beer bottle in the case and pulls out a new one, offering one to Chrissy as he does.

"No thanks." Wrapping her sweater around herself a bit tighter, Chrissy spots Jake chewing away on an old piece of tire. "Where the hell did he get that?"

Bucky looks down at the retriever beside him. "Beats me."

"Anyways...What are you planing to work on?" Chrissy has no clue or patience for wood work. She knows how to cut a tree down, how to bring it back here and how to cut it up into fire-wood. That's it. The only thing she knows about wood work, is that she likes the smell and has always admired anyone who could build anything out of lumber. Pure talent.

"Well there's a few things that need to be fixed. A few spots in the barn, a few loose floor boards on the deck and the stairs on the front porch." Bucky chews at his lower lip. "You know, if that's alright with you."

Chrissy tries to suppress a laugh and tilts her bottle in his direction. "Hey, if you're up to it. You're more then welcome to. Anytime something needs fixing around here I usually just call my neighbor, Frank. He's an older man, lives far enough down the road, but is always looking for some extra cash. So now you're just saving me money. Just don't tell Frank." Chrissy winks and finishes her beer.

"I won't." Bucky snickers. "But you owe me pie of some sort."

"Pie?" Chrissy chuckles. "Sergeant Barnes would like pie as payment?" She finds this utterly ridiculous and completely hilarious at the same time. The Big Bad Winter Soldier is such a fan of her baking that he requires it as reimbursement.

Bucky lifts a brow in her direction. "What? I didn't exactly stop for baked goods all that much."

"Making up for lost time then?" Chrissy places her empty beverage in the box and grabs another.

The two settle for comfortable silence and enjoy the fire. Every once and a while Bucky tosses another small log into the flames. This is nice, Chrissy admits to herself. Ever since Connor's passing, she wasn't sure how she'd feel about someone roaming her home or property for long periods of time. Being alone all the time, Chrissy had adjusted to the quiet and not having to worry about another person all the time.

Sure the Avengers came and went, but they never stayed for more then a few weeks at a time. Chrissy had gotten use to it being just her and Jake. Now, with Bucky around, Chrissy wonders what it will be like when he no longer wishes to be at Fox Tail. Oddly enough, she finds the thought a bit depressing, so she decides to block that trail of thought.

"I was thinking..." Bucky seems to find the small bubbles in his beverage interesting, because he's glaring at them intently. "Of talking to Steve, see if there's anything I can do to help them out. You know, maybe there's information locked up in my head or something...I don't know. Does that sound nuts?"

Chrissy shakes her head. "Not at all. What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing...major." Sitting up a little straighter, Bucky stretches his sore back. "Maybe just look at anything they have on file, of names, places, stuff like that. See if anything sounds familiar or if anything happens to come back to me."

"You don't want to join the team?" In the end, Chrissy knows it's what the Government and the Avengers are really after. No one came right out and said it, but she knows how they work well enough.

"No...well, not right now. I wouldn't...I don't belong there." Bucky sighs and puts his empty bottle into the beer case. "It's not that I don't want to help. I can't trust my own mind enough to guarantee anyone's safety, specially on a mission or in a team setting." And there's some stuff he would rather the Government never finds out, like the damn _words._

"I can understand that." Chrissy watches as he begins chewing at his lip again. "Bucky," She reaches out and places a hand over his. "There will always be a place for you here. If you don't want to leave, you don't have to. If you want to join the Avengers, you're more the welcomed to. Know that I'll never force you to leave or to stay. Neither will Steve."

He squeezes her hand in return, her gesture appreciated. But it's not like he'll be able to stay there forever, is it? "Well I'm sure _they_ may try at some point." Jake tosses the piece of old tire and jumps up after it like a young pup. Bucky grins at the hyper dog. "I'm not looking to redeem myself, don't think there's enough life times for that. I know whatever I do now... can never make up for all the shitty things I've done, even if I can't remember them."

Chrissy's not sure what he's getting at, but she suddenly has the urge to make a ton of pies, in many assorted flavors. Maybe that will make him feel better. She lets him continue to clasp her small hand.

"I just want to do something with the time that I do have. Anything, to help." Bucky licks his dry lips. "But I refuse to put any more people in danger. If that means I stay on the side lines to help for now, then so be it. Until all this garbage in my head is sorted out...I'm not putting anyone else at risk. It's for the best."

It almost sounds like Bucky's trying to convince himself that what he's saying is the right choice of action.

A thought occurs to the woman next to him. "Oh, I have an idea. Steve and Tony told me to give it to you when I thought you were ready. I'll be right back." Quickly, Chrissy makes her way up the stairs and into her home.

"Are you sure you're alright wondering around in the dark?" He calls out after her, even though he knows she won't answer. A light goes on in her office. Bucky exhales and pats his thigh, Jake comes sauntering over with his piece of tire. "Seriously, where did you get this?" He pulls it from the dogs yap, it's old, dry and worn. Bucky tosses it towards the lake and Jake bolts after it once more.

Bucky can hear Chrissy making her way towards him again. Taking a seat beside the man, Chrissy passes him a Fedex box and another beer. "S.H.I.E.L.D had Tony design these for the team a few years back. Anyways, because you're already all setup with Charlotte..."

Bucky grunts at the mention of that A.I. Opening the small box, he finds a tablet. He lifts a confused brow in her direction.

"Right, I know, big bad machines, you're not a fan. Anyways, you access it with your thumb print. It's linked to the main data base. So you can access anything the team can."

Bucky presses his thumb against the screen and then it lights up. He takes the offered drink from Chrissy and stares at the screen. "Ok, now what?"

"Look." The woman points to a series of folders. "These here, with your name on them, it's all stuff they want you to look at. You can keep notes and write down anything you can remember here." Chrissy points to the side screen. "It's like having a pen and paper, only as soon as you write something it gets logged and they can review it right away. This could be a way for you to help."

Alright, that's a bit impressive and a bit eerie at the same time. However, he'll probably just use a good old fashion pen and paper. Bucky's no cave man, he knows all about the current gadgets and innovations, but this is a bit invasive, or he's just paranoid.

"Think I'll keep notes on paper for now. If it's something relevant, then I'll send it their way." He turns off the screen and places it on the box behind the log.

"Whatever works. I have stacks of paper note pads in my office, you could just use those if you'd like." Chrissy brings her attention back to the fire, now just hot embers.

"Want me to put more wood on the fire?" He's just about to get up and do just that, Chrissy shakes her head.

"Nah. That's alright. I'm beat." She offers him a warm smile, which he returns as he sits back down. "This was nice though. We should do this more often. Kind of nice to finish the week this way."

Bucky nods agreeing. "Specially seeing we have lots of wood to burn." They both laugh at this.

* * *

That evening, Bucky can't sleep, tossing continuously in bed. Every once and a while he spots the damn tablet on the desk. Deciding he's done trying to sleep, Bucky picks up the little electronic and quietly heads down stairs. Stretching out on the sofa, he begins reading through the first file.

More then a few times, his code name is mentioned. Some of these things, he was already aware of, some he had just recently remembered, some he couldn't recall at all. Others, he wanted to forget. Attentively, his eyes continue to scan over every word.

_A Ghost._

_No traces of breaking and entering._

_They call him The Winter Soldier._

As he continues to read, Bucky notices that there's a small box at the top left corner. There's a list of everyone who's logged on and a list of the last times certain people were active.

Bucky notices **Steve Rogers - Cpt. America** , in bold black lettering. For some reason, his heart rate speeds up. Instantly, he turns the screen off and places the tablet on his chest. "Get a grip." It's not like the man can actually see him, probably just sees that he's awake as well at this ungodly time.

Frustrated with himself, Bucky runs his hands up over his face and then through his hair. Then, as if the tiny contraption senses his internal struggle, it makes a noise. A small 'ting'. Bucky rolls his eyes, his gut telling him what he already knows.

"Just turn it off and put it away." He can't help himself. Letting out a long puff of breath, he hits the home button and sees a small message box in the lower right corner. He flexes his right fist a few times, and against his better judgement, he taps the icon.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" . Appears in a small blue box. Bucky knows it's Steve's way of just trying to start a conversation with him. For some reason this both aggravates and amuses him.

Chewing at his inner lip Bucky responds. "Could ask you the same thing. Reading those damn files." _-Sgt. Barnes_. A small yellow box with a 'swoop' noise. Why the hell is his palm so sweaty?

"Really? That's great Buck." Again another blue box appears. "Recognize anything in there?"

What the hell should he write? Bucky doesn't want to write anything down on this cursed thing, anyone could be watching. He knows, it's something he would have done, years ago.

"Some. Not lots." He hits send, and debates turning off the tablet right then and there, suddenly he feels exhausted. Then there's another 'ting'. He sighs.

"Alright. Guess you're not comfortable sharing on here. That's fine." There's a pause before the next bubble pops up. "Maybe once you go over the files a bit more we could get the team up there. Go over some of the stuff you remember."

"Fine." Is all he could think to write. Bucky turns the tablet off and rests his forearm over his eyes. Within minutes he's asleep.

* * *

Tony Stark, takes a seat across from Steve. The large stainless steel table is covered in documents, pictures and maps. "Here." Tony hands the other man a glass of his famous Kale smoothy. "So Barnes was actually reading through the files? And you believe him because..."

"Why would he lie Tony?" Steve places his glass on the table. "It was four in the morning. I'm sure he couldn't sleep and just decided to check it out."

Tony shakes his head. "Sure. But you know there's a way we can see for sure what he was reading."

Steve sends Tony a stern glare. "I told you, no spying."

"And I haven't." Taking a drink of his green liquid, Tony starts sorting the papers on the table, trying to look occupied. "Maybe, I've talked with Charlotte, checked up on how Chrissy's doing, but other then that...I promise I haven't. It's just..." Relaxing a bit in the office chair, Tony tries to choose his next words carefully. "He's staying at Chrissy's place. Of all places."

"Tony, you and I both know that's the best place he could have ended up." Steve knows what his friend is trying to get at.

"Hey, I couldn't agree more." Tony shrugs his shoulders. "If your head's messed up, heading to the farm is the best thing for you. We've used it for just that many times before, right?"

"You're worried about her." The Captain can understand this, but deep down he just knows that Chrissy couldn't be safer. How's he suppose to try and get anyone to understand that?

"No." Tony rocks the back of his head from side to side against the top of his chair. "Ok. Yes." The man across from him exhales loudly. "Look I get it, he's your buddy. But you need to remember what he's been doing for the past 70 years, give or take a few. You need to remember what was done to him during all that time. Something like that..."

Tony can actually sympathize with the Winter Soldier better then anyone thinks he can. "You don't just get over it." Torture, being a prisoner, that he understands perfectly.

"He could have let me die, Tony. Let me drown." Steve rubs his hands together and rests his arms on the table. "But he didn't." The captain smirks. "There was something there. I saw it in his face. He remembered something."

"One good deed Cap. It's one good deed." Tony removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. Now, massaging his temples, Tony's trying to figure out a way to get this pile of muscle to recognize the dangers a man like Barnes could represent.

"I know. It doesn't make up for the things he was forced to do...but he didn't have a choice." Steve defends.

"Yeah, I get it, his brain was mush. Play-doh in a mad man's hands." Tony tries to relax. "I'm not saying I don't want to help the guy. I'm just saying we should go into this with our eyes open. The man was tortured for years. He killed people when they told him to, how they told him to."

The Iron Man is trying to reason with his close friend and ally. "We don't know how he's coping and we don't know what parts of him are James Barnes and what parts of him...aren't. Hell, both parts could be totally wiped clean. But the real question is, how are you going to deal with it, if that's the case?"

Tony waits for a reply. Steve remains deep in thought, actually taking his words into consideration. "If he doesn't remember anything, at all. Regardless, we help him, anyway we can. Whoever he was, it doesn't matter. He's alive, and he's my friend. I'm not going to let him down. But if he can't remember...then that's fine too."

"Because he's alive." Tony grins while rubbing his jaw. "You know Cap, sometimes I think you have more issues then I do."

"He's a victim Tony." Steve points out.

"I know, I know. But so were the people he killed." Tony shakes his head, hands up in surrender. "If he's got any moral conscious left at all, if he remembers anything, anyone...that might just be the thing that breaks him."

* * *

There's warm breath against his neck. The Soldier's first instinct is to react against this probable danger. Bucky's first reaction is to open one eye and inspect the situation before doing anything rash. Jake is standing beside the couch, tail wagging cheerfully, head resting on Bucky's chest.

"Hey boy. Where's Chrissy at." Bucky pats the top of the dogs head, knowing full well the only way this dog is down here is because Chrissy is no longer in her room. She has a habit of leaving her bedroom door open so that Jake can come and go as he pleases throughout the night. A habit Bucky still thinks is odd, who leaves their bedroom door open?

The front door opens and Chrissy walks in from outside. Humming softly as she sorts through the mail in her hands. She removes her shoes and walks right past the sofa, not even noticing Bucky watching her.

"Morning." He acknowledges her.

Almost jumping right out of her skin, Chrissy drops the papers. "Jesus Bucky! You scarred the crap out of me. I thought you were still asleep."

Grinning, Bucky gently pushes pass Jake and helps the frazzled woman pick up the scattered papers. "Why do you have so much mail? Didn't check it all week?"

Bucky hands her the rest of the items. "Nope. Kept forgetting to. Coffee?" Chrissy places the papers on the table and turns on the coffee maker.

"Yeah." Taking a seat at the dinner table, Bucky yawns and rubs a hand over his tired face.

"Late night?" She gestures with her chin towards the discarded tablet on the coffee table, while she pours their drinks.

"Huh?" He sees where her eyesight lands. "Oh, well sort of. Couldn't sleep."

Chrissy hands Bucky his coffee and starts making breakfast. "So you decided to do some light reading."

"Yeah, right." He snickers at this description, light reading my ass. More like mind numbing and painful to go over. A horror story.

"Something's different about you today." She glides her tongue over her teeth, trying to pin point why he's acting, odd. "You spoke with Steve, didn't you?" Chrissy points at him with the spatula.

Slumping his shoulders forward, Bucky nods. "Sort of. He wants to come up here, once I've gone over most of those files."

Chrissy whisks a few eggs together and adds butter to her pan. "And, are you ok with that?" The pan sizzles to life as she cooks their meal.

Bucky takes a drink of his coffee and then stares at his left arm. "It's bound to happen at some point. I'll try to finish going over everything by the end of the week, there's a lot..."

"Did you want me to help you with anything?" Chrissy passes him a plate of food and sits at the table.

"What? No." He clears his throat. "Sorry, that sounded way more impolite then I was intending."

"It's fine." She winks in his direction while taking a bite of scrambled eggs.

"It's just...I really don't need you to read or see any of that." Bucky exhales deeply. He'd like to have at least one person he sort of knows, be a little oblivious to those past details. Even if it's just for a little while. A thought occurs. "Why _haven't_ you looked... at any of it? You have access to everything on there."

"My name's not on those files. I read what I was told I had to, in the folder they sent me and that was it." Chrissy shrugs, finding his question a bit bizarre.

"You never once even had a tiny bit of curiosity?" Bucky begins eating his breakfast.

"Didn't say that. If you wanted me to read anything in there, you'd ask me to. I respect your privacy." Chrissy hopes that he believes her, it's the truth after all.

"Thanks." Bucky's trained to tell when people are lying or acting out of character. Chrissy is most definitely telling the truth. "Maybe, someday...just not..."

"Bucky." Chrissy smiles warmly. "It's fine. Really. I'm not concerned about what's in any of those reports or paper work."

Nodding his thanks, Bucky finishes his meal. While Chrissy gives Jake food and water, Bucky rinses their plates, grabs the evil tablet and then heads upstairs. Not fully certain on how he has acquired the knowledge, but Bucky's positive he knows enough about wood working and mechanics to be an asset to this farm. Maybe he has some kind of implanted skill sets, whatever, he'll take those at the very least.

* * *

It always seems that when you're busy, or anxious, the days just fly by. That's the case for Bucky this week. He's repaired the deck, the barn and the stairs as promised. Even found time to be able to go through those files a bit further, and reread ones that seemed like they sparked something in his memories.

Small flickers really. Bloodied hands, frantic breathing, gun shots, tires squealing on pavement. That sort of thing.

Feeling frustrated and impatient with himself, and not having much left to do, Bucky decides building and constructing things is now his outlet. Is it ever. New stalls for the horses, shelves for Chrissy to display more photos, that she's always taking when she thinks he's not looking. The dock, had some loose boards, that just wasn't acceptable. They had to be replaced. That fire pit area needs something better then a giant log to sit on. A set of benches and some Muskoka chairs, he googled that one, coming right up.

Chrissy's carrying out a tray of lunch and a slice of pie. She can hear Bucky sanding down some wood, again. As she rounds the corner of the workshop, Chrissy can see a pile of boards lined up and waiting to be tended to. Her brown eyes widen when the realization of just how busy he's been hits her. Over compensating much.

The sander's turned off when Bucky notices Chrissy heading his way. "Muskoka chairs, apparently it's a Canadian thing." He grins.

"Uhh... that they are." Chrissy places the tray onto the workbench. "How many are you building?" She asks playfully.

"Four." Bucky shakes the saw dust from his hair. "Thanks for lunch." He spots the baked good and almost laughs. "You've been busy as well?"

"Figured I should hold up my end of the bargain." Chrissy spots a wooden bench behind him. "You finished that today?" Taking a seat on the new piece of outdoor furniture, Chrissy runs a hand along its etched edges.

"Yup. Gave it a few coats of lacquer and now it's good to go. Like it?" Bucky's appreciating creating things with his hands, far more then destroying. It's nice to see his work admired under different circumstances for once. Here, he's not just a tool or weapon, he's a person.

"Bucky, it's gorgeous. Can't believe you're going to be putting it outside." That has him smiling, mouth full of apple pie.

Judging by her body language, she has something to discuss with him. "What is it? You got something on your mind." Bucky dusts off his hands and crosses his arms.

"What, I can't just socialize with you?" She jests. He lifts a brow in her direction. "How do you know these things?" She's actually curious as to how he does that.

"Just do. Besides, you brought me pie." He knows she's trying to smooth over the idea of, something. Chrissy's nice and all, but you just know when she's buttering you up.

"Yeah. Saw through that did yah?" Chrissy bites her lip and tries not to smile. "Steve said they'll be here by Monday morning."

"Ok." Bucky starts placing the pieces he needs for the first chair.

"Ok? Really? Jeez I was all jittery for nothing." Exhaling a long breath, Chrissy stands and makes her way next to him. This man is smirking, actually smirking while he puts the chair together. "You're not funny."

"Are you going to keep pestering me, or do I have to sick Jake on you? It's not nice to bother a man when he's working, you know." He still has that smug grin.

Chrissy bends low so that she can be near his ear. "Not nice to mess with the person who makes your meals either." She pats him on the shoulder, laughs and heads to the barn. "Gonna take Caesar out for a bit."

"Still say that's a stupid name for a horse." Bucky huffs and continues his work.

* * *

Something's not right. It's almost two in the afternoon, and Bucky hasn't seen Chrissy return with that damn horse. God, he hates that animal. Out of all the horses in the barn, why did she always pick that one. It's massive, doesn't follow commands the best and spooks way too easily for his liking. Then again, Chrissy said she adopted it from some local animal shelter that took care of abused animals.

Something's way off, he can feel it in his bones.

Bucky notices that Jake's nowhere nearby either. Concerned, he takes a stroll out to the field. Hands on his hips, he listens carefully to everything around him. The wind blows through the grass and trees. There's no dog barks, no horse running around making any noise, nothing. He runs his tongue along the inside of his mouth. It's way too damn quiet. Alright, he's more then concerned. Bucky brings his index and thumb to his mouth and makes a high pitched whistle and waits.

Nothing.

"Fuck..." He's gonna kill that horse when he finds it.

Wait, what was that. Far off in the distance, he hears a familiar bark. Jake. Bucky whistles again, the dog barks. That sounds...north. He doesn't see the dog barreling through the grass and doesn't see that damn horse. Caesar, such a dumb name.

Then a sudden conclusion, Jake is never too far from...

Bucky runs back to the drive way, hops into the big Chevy, turns the ignition and floors the gas. The truck fish-tails for a second, sending gravel and rocks flying in the air. Bucky gets the truck to speed through the field with ease. Imagination now running wild with all the 'what ifs', as he tries to control his breathing. Why is he so panicked? Jesus why didn't he check on her sooner?

The barking is becoming louder and more frantic. Bucky swerves around a large bolder and is coming up on the fence line where the property ends. He can see Jake now, barking, pacing back and forth in the same spot. Heart beating furiously in his chest, Bucky puts the truck in park and rushes towards the canine.

"Hey...buddy. Where's Chrissy?" He pets the whining retriever as it runs up to greet him. Eyes search the area, looking for any sign of...Oh God.

"Chrissy..." She's on her back in the tall grass, a nasty cut on the side of her head. Quickly he runs towards her and slides down onto his knees. "Hey!" Can she hear him? Gently he places a hand behind her head and neck. Her skin is warm, thank God. He doesn't want to move her, but he can't leave her here. "Chrissy, come on. Open your eyes for me."

Chrissy groans softly. Bucky lets out a breath he'd been holding, relieved. She's not conscious, but she's not dead either. Gently, he places his metal limb under her knees, cradles her head in the opposite arm and carries her to the truck.

"Come." He tilts his head towards the back seats and Jake jumps in. Adjusting her body to lean up against his own, Bucky wraps an arm around her shoulders, puts the Chev in drive and heads towards the hospital.

After turning an hour drive into a twenty minute one. Bucky tells Jake to stay, cracks the windows open a bit, carefully picks up Chrissy and heads inside. He approaches the first medical staff he sees. "She needs a doctor..." He's trying to remain calm.

"Oh my." The nurse gestures for him to follow her. "Bring her in here. I'll go get Doctor Stevens right away. She knows him."

Bucky nods, places Chrissy on the small cot and then waits. There's blood on his hands, damn-it. Shiny metal catches his eye while he washes up in the nearby sink. For crying out loud, he just can't catch a break. With everything going on he had completely forgot. Bucky shoves his left hand into his pocket and rolls down his sleeve. He'd been so concerned for her well being, it was the only thing on his mind.

"Bucky? Oww." Chrissy hisses as her fingers graze the cut on her head. "What the hell..."

"You must of fallen from..." He can't even say that animal's name. "I found you in the field. Must of hit your head pretty good."

"We're at the hospital?" She tries to sit up, Bucky eases her back down.

"Where else would I bring you? Lay down. A doctor is coming to see you?" A worried smile appears on his face.

"It's probably nothing. We should just go home." The room is spinning and she feels warm.

Bucky shakes his head. "No. You're getting looked at. Canada, free healthcare, so use it."

Just as she's about to protest, the doctor walks into the room. "Alrigh Chris, let me take a look at you."

* * *

After getting a CT-scan, the doctor signs Chrissy's release papers. While the nurse is cleaning and dressing the wound on the side of Chrissy's head, Doctor Stevens signals Bucky to follow him into the hall. He's writing something on the clipboard when Bucky approaches.

"I'm going to give her a prescription for pain. She probably won't take it, but if she needs it, she'll have it." The doctor hands Bucky the paper. "Boyfriend, right?"

Bucky shakes his head. "What? I..." What should he say, that he's an ex-assassin in hiding.

"Well, whatever the case." Stevens adjusts his glasses. "You're...staying at the farm, correct?"

Bucky nods, unsure of how much this doctor actually knows. "Yeah."

"Look, I was very good friends with...Connor." The doctor smiles sadly at the mention of his dead friend. "I know what goes on at Fox Tail. I've had to help Chrissy with a few of her... guests on several occasions."

"Fair enough." Bucky shifts his weight to the opposite leg.

"So you don't have to worry about...anything." The doctor glances at Bucky's left arm. "If you ever need any kind of help, or if she does...don't ever hesitate to contact me. Here's my card." The doctor hands him a business card that has his personal and professional information on it. "Now, about her current injury. How'd it happen?"

"Not sure." Bucky sighs. "I was working near the house, she took the horse out, and was gone for a long time. I went looking for her and found her just lying there in the field."

"Well, seems that she was probably thrown from the horse and hit the ground hard. In any case, she only suffered a mild concussion. The CT-scan came back, everything looks fine. But she needs to take it easy for the next week. I've already spoken with her, but I want you to make sure she follows my advice. No horse back. I want her to get plenty of rest. If she feels nauseous or faint, has seizures or keeps forgetting things, anything out of the ordinary, make sure to call me right away."

"Alright. And, thanks." Bucky nods in the doctor's direction.

The doctor offers a polite smile, pockets his pen and heads down the hallway.

* * *

"Come on Bucky, Doctor Stevens said I had to take it easy... I'll make it up the stairs." Chrissy breathes out forcefully.

Bucky continues to follow her up the stairs, his hands ready to catch her, just in case. Stubborn, wobbly woman. "I told him I would look out for you." He grunts as she stumbles back into him and almost falls, again. "You need to rest, come on." Patience with her mood has run out. Bucky places an arm under her knees, picks her up and climbs the rest of the stairs. No choice but to cooperate, Chrissy sighs as she wraps her arms around his neck. "Stop being so thick headed."

"That's the only thing that kept my noggin from being mush remember?" She's hating this being fussed over business. Frankly, she doesn't have the energy to dispute it at the moment. "Did you happen to see Caesar..." Chrissy's well aware of Bucky's dislike for the horse, so she's a bit hesitant to even mention the animal.

"No." He says gently. "But I will go look for him in the morning. He couldn't have gotten far." Reaching Chrissy's room, Bucky pushes the door open with his shoulder and places her on her feet. "Did you need anything?"

"No." She rubs her aching arm as she makes her way to the bed. Taking a seat on the mattress, Chrissy notices that her ribs hurt too. That's going to be sore and tender tomorrow. She sighs, then notices Bucky still standing in her room, looking like he feels out of place. "I'm fine. You should get some rest."

Bucky doesn't say anything, only takes a seat in the chair across from her. Taking a moment to decompress, he sinks a bit lower into the chair and rests his elbows on his knees. "I'm sorry...for today."

Chrissy laughs lightly at his apology. "What are you talking about?"

"I should have gone to look for you sooner." Weary, he places his forehead in his hands. "I can't believe it took me that long to realize..."

"Jesus, Bucky. The only one at fault here is me. I keep testing my limits with...Caesar. It's not his fault and it's certainly not yours." She kneels down beside him, trying to figure out how to ease his anxious mind. Obviously, this is bothering him a lot more than he cares to admit. An objective, he needs something to focus on.

"Why don't you go take a shower. I'm going to get some rest. You can come and check on me as many times as you like, alright? Then in the morning you can go look for Caesar." She runs her fingers through his hair and places a delicate kiss on his cheek.

That seemed to do the trick. He puffs out a breath, watches her climb into bed and then heads to his own room. Chrissy just knows he'll probably check on her every hour, on the hour.

As Chrissy's about to shut her eyes, Jake jumps up onto the bed, places his head on the side of her hip, yawns and settles in beside her. "Good boy." She tells him just above a whisper. Her loyal companion stayed with her the entire time, waiting for help to arrive. "I owe you a treat." The shower in Bucky's room is turned on. Knowing that he's following her instructions, Chrissy quickly falls asleep.

* * *

There's nothing. No sign of anything that could have alarmed that horse. Bucky's an excellent tracker and he can't find what could have frightened that horse. Jumping over the fence, he studies the brush and earth looking for any sign of animal or human tracks, nothing. What, the hell. Deciding to find where that damn animal ended up, Bucky easily finds the signs he was looking for. He follows the distressed pattern the horse left behind, it leads to the more dense forest on the property.

Not liking the probable outcome of this, Bucky follows the trail. After fifteen minutes of pushing through the bush, he finds Caesar, dead. What on earth? The horse looks like it sprinted in such a state of panic that it ran right into an old fence pole and literally impaled itself. The wolves and other wildlife must have gotten to the carcass during the night, because there's not too much left. Great, how's he suppose to break this to Chrissy. It's not exactly the news he was looking forward to telling her at six in the morning. Although, he can't deny that he's not broken up about the horse's death. At least now he wouldn't have to restrain himself from killing it.

Bucky makes it back on time to hear Chrissy starting to move around upstairs in her bed. After removing his boots, he washes up and heads for her room. Knocking gently on the door, he waits for Chrissy to invite him in. "It's open. Morning."

Chrissy continues to lie in bed, Jake still at her hip. The dog wags his tail as Bucky takes a seat at the edge of the bed. "How you feeling?"

"Like I fell off a horse." Poor attempt at humor. Bucky averts his eyes, looking at the floor. "Oh, you found him, didn't you..."

Bucky nods. "Yeah, I did." He doesn't want to explain what he found, it's better he spare her the details, she seems to understand, because she doesn't push the topic further. "I brought the saddle and harness back and cleaned them up." Chrissy doesn't seem to want to look at him. Does she think that he...? He could have, but he wouldn't of. She loved that big dumb animal.

"Chrissy. I didn't...I found him like that." He doesn't expect her to believe him.

Using the back of her sleeve to wipe her eyes, Chrissy exhales a puff of air. "Oh God Bucky. I know. I'm just sad that he had to die all alone." That's what she's upset about? This crazed animal, that was dangerous, and almost got her killed, she was upset because it suffered and perished, alone.

_Wait._

Bucky feels his eyes moisten, but quickly hides it by looking out the window. He's dangerous, mentally unstable at times and could most certainly get her killed. Most days, he feels like he's utterly alone. In a weird way, he's a version of Caesar. When Bucky first came here, he thought she was insane for welcoming him into her home. Chrissy did the same for that horse, she gave it a chance at a normal life.

"At least you gave him a good home." Bucky feels his shoulders drop. "It looked like, it was quick." How he hopes that's some sort of comfort. It's all anyone could ever really hope for, when their time was up, right?

The weight on the bed shifts, he still can't look in her direction. Chrissy's small hands wrap around his right arm and she leans her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for going to look for him anyways."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats for making it this far!
> 
> Remember to R&R!


	3. Chapter 3: Long Haul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: By now you should know that I tend to write long chapters. So again, you've been warned.
> 
> Disclaimer : I don't make money of this or lay claims to anything but Chris and Jake.

**_Chapter 3: Long Haul_ **

Two days have passed since the 'Caesar' incident. Bucky wants to do something with the horse's corpse, but he's uncomfortable with the idea of leaving Chrissy by herself right now. Also, she keeps insisting that he shouldn't worry about the animal, anything that is left would surely be picked clean by the local wildlife.

Why did _that_ bother him?

And then there's the things his training helps him pick up on. Chrissy gets exhausted quickly, but doesn't think he notices. She's not as full of energy as she usually is, and gets dizzy often. Bucky has to force her to take it easy, when she finally gives in, she sleeps for long periods at a time. Finding this troublesome, Bucky calls Doctor Stevens and informs him of her current condition.

"It's only been a few days. I know that you're concerned, and thank-you for informing me. But, Chris has had other head injuries, so it will take her a little longer to recover this time around." Stevens voice is calm and steady on the other end of the phone call.

"So this is normal? When's a cause for concern then?" Bucky's trying not to sound insolent, but it's getting difficult to not to lose his temper.

He can hear the Doctor tapping a pen on his desk. "If she starts forgetting things, starts sleeping even more then she is now. Or if she shows no signs of slowly recovering. I'm well aware how stubborn she can be, but try to make sure she doesn't over do anything. Don't let her wander off too far alone, she's probably still feeling faint off and on and I don't want her passing out somewhere by herself."

Bucky knows that Chrissy won't make this easy for him. "Alright, easier said than done though."

Stevens laughs. "Trust me, I know."

The Soldier chews at his inner lip. "You said that she was injured before. I know about the car accident, but when was the other time?"

The Doctor's not suppose to disclose his patient's medical history, but Chrissy's a special case. Considering her line of work, she's always going to fall under the 'special circumstances' category. The doctor lets out a long breath. "Listen, you are not to say a word to her, do you hear me?"

"Fine." Bucky waits patiently.

"A few years after the car collision, there was another incident. One of Chrissy's 'guests', had recently discovered her...talents, with no control over it, she was brought to Fox Tail until it was decided where they would permanently house the girl." Stevens clears his throat. "Long story short, the girl loss control and the barn was blown to pieces, sending Chris crashing into the house."

Bucky's eyes grow wide, Chrissy wasn't kidding when she had said that she's dealt with all kinds of people. "So that's everything. Is there anything else I should know?"

"Not really." The pen tapping on the other end of the phone line stops. "Anything else is really up to her to discuss with you. I've told you the things that are pertinent."

"Fair enough." Bucky's not sure if he's a bit relieved, or more alarmed at this point.

"Just keep an eye on her. I'll stop by in a few days, just to check in on her."

Deciding he's satisfied with that decision, Bucky exhales. "Alright, that's a good idea. And...I'll do the best I can to get her to listen." Bucky almost laughs at this idea alone. Stubborn woman.

"Thanks. Much appreciated." The phone call ends and Bucky is still undecided on whether or not he feels reassured.

* * *

Curled up in a blanket, sitting on one of the chairs Bucky built, Chrissy sips at her tea. Enjoying just sitting by the fire, is now a new favorite pass time. The two friends usually wind up here, at the end of the day. How she wishes her cup of tea was a glass of wine instead. Bucky won't hear any of it, or give in. The bottle of painkillers that her doctor friend perscribed, have a label that clearly says 'do not take with alcohol'. Several times, Chrissy had tried to reason with him, saying that she wouldn't be taking any of those pills. That hadn't worked either. Looks like she won't be getting any alcohol, of any form, anytime soon. Well, at least not for another week.

"Warm enough?" Bucky tosses another log into the flames.

Smiling tiredly up at him, Chrissy nods her head. Bucky takes a seat in the chair next to her. Observing in silence, he notices that she appears completely worn-out . The Soldier has been making a diligent effort to keep his promise to Doctor Stevens, making sure Chrissy never did too much to strain herself, and Bucky was never too far from her side, just in case.

The tired woman rests the back of her head against the wood of the chair. "They'll probably be here tomorrow morning, or just after noon."

Leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, Bucky lets out a long exhale. "It's not going to be very quiet here for a while."

"No it really isn't." A snicker. Chrissy stretches her back and sips at her tea once more. "Steve sent me a message. Said they would probably just stay the week."

Brow knitting with curiosity, Bucky wonders why they would stay so long. Wasn't this suppose to be some sort of way to just get him to leave with them. He's really confused. "Who exactly is 'they'?"

"Hmm…? Oh, Steve, of course, Tony and Clint. Nat and Doctor Banner will just be visiting for a few hours." Chrissy can't believe she forgot to fill him in on who exactly would be staying with them. Stupid head injury. "You seem...bothered or worried about something." Looking at him from the corner of her eye, Chrissy can see that he's constantly rubbing his hands together.

"You don't think they're just coming here to force me to go with them? Take me to their Tower, or facility, or whatever?" He's nervous, maybe even a bit scared.

"Do you honestly think Steve would let anyone do that?" Chrissy shifts her body so that she can look directly at him.

Bucky sighs. "I really don't know."

Chrissy brings the blanket up closer to her shoulders. "Yes you do. You might not remember him all that much, but you know what kind of person he is. Even if you don't want to admit it. You need to stop underestimating him, and yourself. I know you have a hard time with having faith in people now, who could blame you. But Steve's someone you can and always will be able to trust."

Somehow, he just knows Chrissy's right. "I know... I do. And you, as well." That earns him a smile from the woman. "I think for a long time now, there's been something there trying to remind me of who he is. The more I look at pictures and hear about him, the more I seem to remember. But, it's the people around him…"

"I get that. It'll take time. Just take it one step at a time. Start with tomorrow, go over the stuff you can remember or want to discuss with them. They really are coming here to help and to hear what information you can remember, that's it."

"Yeah, well I guess we'll see." Bucky looks over to see Chrissy settling into her chair further. "You're exhausted, you should get some rest."

"I'm fine. Just not used to doing...so little." She laughs at this thought. When was the last time she really did so much nothing?

"Chrissy." Bucky stands, clenching his jaw. With a stern expression, the Soldier signals with his thumb for her to get her 'ass' up or she'll be carried again. "I'm sure it'll be a long day tomorrow. You really should get some good sleep."

"So should you." Chrissy puffs as she stands. Folding the blanket over her arm and grabbing the now empty cup, she heads towards the house, Bucky by her side. "I mean it, get some sleep."

* * *

Bucky's been up since five a.m. He managed to get all the morning chores done and still have time to start working on the tractor once more. This large pile of scrap metal has now earned several new names. _Hunk of junk. Piece of shit_ and a few other, more colorful ones. Most recently, _'fuck'_. Every time Bucky thinks he's making progress on the red devil, it sputters and keels over.

"Fuck." Bucky's now at the side panel, trying to figure out what's making all that smoke. Then he hears it, the engines of the Quinjet coming over the treeline. Well, that's the end of his daily dose of tractor torment. Bucky grabs a rag and starts wiping his hand clean.

Making his way up the deck and around to the front porch, he sees Chrissy sitting comfortably on the new bench he fabricated yesterday. The book she was reading is now resting in her lap, she sips at her coffee and sighs. "They're gonna land that thing in the front yard, again."

Noticing that Bucky seems a bit tense, she gives his forearm a quick squeeze. "Be nice." She tries to sound serious, but fails miserably. Her little giggle doesn't help.

Looking down at her, Bucky raises a brow, amused. "It's not me you have to worry about. I'm a nice guy." Offering his hand, Bucky helps Chrissy to her feet. "Still a bit sore?"

Chrissy winces. "Only when I'm awake." She laughs, he in turn rolls his eyes.

Bucky descends the front stairs as the aircraft sets down right where Chrissy said it would. The rag now tossed over his shoulder, he looks back at the irritated woman and laughs. She's going to tear someone a new one, Bucky's just happy it's not going to be him.

The roar of the engines die down and a set of hangar doors open. A sharp dressed man exits first, Bucky recognizes him from the pictures, Tony. The man's fingers are tapping away at some device in his hand, almost too busy to even watch where he's going.

The next guy to head down the ramps, Clint, has a backpack slung over his shoulder and a large case in each hand. Right after him, Bucky spots Steve. Captain America. Standing at the exit, he smiles fondly while looking over the scenery real quick and then spots the other Soldier.

"Hey, Buck. Come'ere a second. There's some heavy lifting apparently." Steve waves him over and then heads back into the jet. Just like that, the guy is talking to Bucky like 70 years of him being M.I.A haven't happened.

Bucky turns to Chrissy, who shrugs her shoulders. "Probably something Tony brought." Not complaining, but not thrilled, Bucky tosses Chrissy the piece of cloth and then sets out to help Steve.

"Sorry man, I'd help, but it's too damn heavy." Clint acknowledges the other man as they pass eachother. "Chris! Give this old man a hug!"

Stopping in his tracks, Bucky turns to look at the woman on the porch and points an angry index at her. 'Stay, there.' He words in her direction. She lifts a brow, unimpressed.

Tony notices this exchange, well he notices everything, but this was, well, kind of normal and that's weird, considering who he's looking at. Pocketing his electronic, he crosses his arms, rubs his chin and decides to watch everyone's interactions for a minute. Steve and Barnes are both leaving the jet, each grasping at a handle of a large crate, and each of them are also carrying a large case on the opposite shoulder. Yeah, these guys have never worked together before. Tony rolls his eyes. Barnes may not remember everything, but his habits seem to. To know exactly what another person is going to do at an exact point in time, without saying a word, that's either really intuitive of him or it's old habits from years of knowing a person. The two soldiers walk right by Stark and head towards the back of the house.

"Near the workshop, Tony?" Steve asks.

"Uh yeah, thanks sweethearts." That remark earns Tony a glare from Barnes. "Hey don't ever say Uncle Tony never brought you anything." The Iron man smiles and makes his way towards the house. "Chris, what gives? Too good to walk over here and give me a proper scolding for landing in your front yard? I know you want to." Something's up and he's going to find out what that is.

"She's been confined to the porch." Barton snickers and then heads inside.

"Shoes." Chrissy reminds as the screen door shuts.

"There he is!" Tony greats Jake down on one knee, scratching the animal behind the ears. "You're such a big boy. Have you been a good pooch?" Jake barks happily in reply, tail wagging. "Don't worry, Uncle Tony brought you something too." As if the canine knows exactly what he's talking about, Jake takes off towards the jet.

"Hi Tony." Chrissy's pulled into a tight hug, she groans.

"What's up kiddo?" He's looking at her concerned. The dark-hair framing her face is caught in a light breeze. Tony notices the wound that's still healing on the side of her head and pushes her bangs back gently. Stark's eyes drift to the side of the house where Steve and Barnes had disappeared to. "Did something happen?"

"Are you kidding me right now? No. Bucky didn't do anything." Chrissy sighs. "I fell off of Caesar."

"You know that's a stupid name for a horse right?" Tony receives a slap on the shoulder. "First thing, ow. Second, tell me what happened. And thirdly, tell me you made pie."

Steve and Bucky carefully deposit the large crate and then place the extra boxes beside it. "What the hell is in here?" Bucky taps the box with his boot.

"Beats me." Steve rests his hands on his waist and his lips form a thin line. "You've changed."

Not knowing what to say, Bucky settles for staring at the man. Rogers pats his friend on the shoulder and starts heading back towards the jet. "I mean, you look relaxed. It suits you. Come on, there's a few more boxes."

* * *

"Banner's going to double check, that's all." After finding out what had happened to Chrissy, Tony decided that it would be best if they get a second opinion, just to make certain that everything is alright. "When he's done with Chris, Barnes will be going next."

"Say what?" Bucky turns his head at the mention of his name. He'd been focused on watching Chrissy lie on some medical table in the aircraft, a large contraption circling around her small frame, lights flickering and metal humming away.

"You heard me big guy." Tony's not intimidated by this man, although he knows he probably should be.

"Tony." Steve warns, his arms crossed, trying to remain neutral.

"What? We need to know how much damage has happened to the tissue in his skull and whether or not it's healing." Stark begins jotting down some notes on his device once more. "It's been what, at least over a year since you left Hydra? They haven't been able to mess with your brain since, maybe that alone is helping. So, if we can see what's going on in there, maybe we will be able to come up with a better game plan to help Barnes. Or does anyone have a problem with that?"

"Fine with me." Bucky brings his attention back to Chrissy. He's not fine with a machine doing God knows what to him, but Steve trusts this man.

"See, Cap. Everything's good to go." Tony heads over towards Banner.

Coming to stand next to his buddy, Steve follows Bucky's line of sight. "Are you alright with this?" He gestures with his chin towards the machine.

Rubbing his jaw with his thumb, Bucky nods. "What choice do we have? It might help." Steve notices how fixed the other Soldier is with watching over Chrissy, but decides not to say anything.

"Yeah. It might." Steve clears his throat, a habit Bucky quickly notices that the Captain does when he feels uncomfortable. "So, Chrissy said you found the horse."

Blue eyes never leave Chrissy's form. He doesn't trust that machine, he'll tear it apart the moment it does something he doesn't like. "In the forest, impaled on an old fence post."

Steve makes a face of disgust. "Jeez. What spooked it so bad?"

"Dunno. I went over the entire area, couldn't find a single sign." Placing his hands in his coat pockets, Bucky sighs. "Caesar was always a bit of a wild card though. Never knew what would set him off. I wasn't too sure what I was gonna do to the damned horse when I found it." The machine stops making noise and he can see Doctor Banner going over the results. "But then I found him...and I just knew she'd be heartbroken."

Bucky's shoulders slump forward, he still feels bad for the entire incident. Steve grabs Bucky by the shoulder and offers him a reassuring smile. "You did all you could. He went quick?"

"Looked like." Bucky admits.

"So, it's a mild concussion, it's still healing." Bruce informs the two Soldiers. "Nothing you both didn't already know, I'm sure." His eyes land on Tony. "You know that's what doctors are for, they do know these things."

"Well I trust you more." Tony takes the file from Banner and tosses it aside. Next he helps Chrissy off of the table and offers her a quick smile, while looking over the gash on the side of her head. "Barnes been taking good care of this for you?"

She knows what he means. "Yes, Tony. I'm fine. And I've been doing a whole lot of nothing."

"Good. Right, next patient." Stark claps his hands together. "Alright big guy, hand over the jacket."

Bucky raises a brow in his direction.

"Seriously, the buttons, zippers and all that stuff, gets in the way." Tony holds out an expecting hand and hopes the Soldier takes the bait. Bingo! Barnes, takes off the jacket and hands it over. "Oh hey, would you look at this."

Clad in a dark t-shirt, Tony knew he'd be able to get a better look at that arm. Quickly, he tosses the coat onto the table where he'd thrown the file. He grabs hold of the man's metal arm, and begins to study it. Stark notices Barnes looking down at him, clearly not amused.

"Oh calm it boyscout. I'm just checking out your hardware." With a few quick movements, Tony has a small screen up in midair while he scans the prosthetic with a small device. "Hmmm."

"What?" Bucky's starting to feel annoyed and impatient.

"Nothing. It's good work...for an antique." The Soldier removes his arm from Starks grip and gets onto the table. "Right, let's start with the software then."

Bucky's trying not to seem anxious, but he can't help it. Last time he was in something similar to this, things didn't turn out so well for him, or for anyone else. The machine comes to life, it's buzzing away as it starts scanning the top of his head and slowly begins to make it's way down the rest of his body. He swallows, throat feeling dry. It'll only take a few minutes, he knows this, but his heart rate picks up regardless. He's trying to focus on the rivets in the ceiling, how many are there?

"Breathe." Chrissy whispers. She's standing next to the examination table. "It's almost done. I know, it's bright and loud."

Her voice, he can concentrate on that. The contraption does one more quick round, and Chrissy remains by his side, talking about how she's looking forward to taking more pictures over the next week. Good, he can continue focusing on her words.

"See, nice and quick." Stark offers a reassuring nod.

"What now?" Steve takes a few steps forward, his arms still crossed. He's determined to help his friend, but first he needs to know how.

"Now. We wait. Banner is going to go over this new information and then he'll relay it to me. And then we will go from there. Alright?" Tony looks over his shoulder at the Doctor.

"Yeah, give me a day or two." Bruce continues to review the information on his tablet and walks away.

"Right. Well Chris, you better say your goodbyes to Nat before they take off."

* * *

Most of the day is passed fairly quickly. After the Quinjet had left, Tony had made his way towards the workshop, saying something about needing muscle later on to finish up. Chrissy was busy in the house making sure to have lunch ready and then soon after start on supper. Knowing very well how much these guys always looked forward to eating home cooked meals, she has always made that her priority, when they visited.

Steve, Bucky and Clint are passing the time on the deck, drinking cold beer, when they notice Chrissy leaving the house with a tray. "He hasn't eaten yet and I'm already working on supper." She starts to take a few steps in the direction of the workshop, when Clint rises from his seat and takes the tray from her.

"I got it Chris." Hawkeye offers her a small smile. "I'll let him know about dinner."

"Thanks." Chrissy wipes her hands on her hips and notices Bucky glaring at her. "What?" She shrugs her shoulders. "Give me a break, it's not far. I'm fine." Bucky continues staring, unamused. Shaking her head while suppressing a smirk, Chrissy goes back into the house.

Steve pushes the man next to him lightly. "Lighten up Buck. She's tough."

Bucky licks his lips and grunts. "She still gets dizzy spells and gets exhausted really easily."

Steve looks over to the patio doors where Chrissy had reentered the home. "Did you mention this to Stevens?"

"Yeah." Bucky sighs and leans back into his chair. "All he said was to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't over do anything and if she gets worse to call him right away." The Soldier pushes his hair back from his face.

"Well we're here for a week. We'll help keep an eye on her." Steve notices Clint making his way back, smirking. "What? Oh God, what's he doing in there?"

"There's a place for you to work out now." Clint snickers as he points to Barnes. "And he's upgrading Charlotte."

"Wait, what?" Bucky knows the shop has extra space, but maybe he missed a conversation at some point that had to do with it getting renovated.

Clint takes a seat and resumes drinking his beer. "Yeah, all that stuff you were carrying...Winter Soldier proof. You shouldn't be able to punch your way through that stuff."

Is that a challenge? Bucky lifts a brow in Steve's direction. Grinning, they both stand and make their way towards the workshop.

"Want me to stay with Chris?" Clint offers.

"Yeah. Just don't touch anything in the kitchen, or she'll poison your food." Bucky laughs and sees Clint do a double take in his direction.

As they enter the shop, they can hear Tony muttering something to Charlotte. Stark shuts down a program he's using and swivels on his chair to face them. Mouth full of sandwich, he nods in their direction. "Just the two rug rats I wanted to see."

Bucky can see that Tony has been busy. The man's hair is going in every direction and he's now sporting a very stained t-shirt. There's an area that's now fully upgraded with some of the heaviest weights he's ever seen, a black punching bag, a weird looking wall with yellow arrows pointing to several different locations, and a cabinet with a full arsenal.

"Holy…" Steve is just as shocked. "That's what we brought here?"

"Pretty much." Tony wipes his hands together and walks over to the strange looking wall. "Look, at some point, you might get pulled into something you'd rather not having anything to do with. Or you might decide that helping the Avengers, in other more physical ways, might be your calling. Whatever. At least this way, you can keep up on your training and be prepared."

Bucky knows the man's right. He exhales and marches over to the punching bag. "Go on, give it a try. I want to see how close I came to creating something you can't destroy." Stark rubs a hand over his mouth in anticipation. Honestly, he's a bit excited. How efficient is this new design?

Up for the challenge, Bucky forms two fists. Positioning his stance, he swings at it with his right and then with a big left hook. The bag swings, but other than that it's fine, no dents or scratches. What the? Taking up a new position, Bucky puts more force behind his swing, concentrating only with his left arm. Still, the bag sways tauntingly.

_Oh, it's on._

Beyond amused, Stark grins. "Perfect, now you have a goal. As soon as you kill this one, you have twenty others in the back storage unit."

Steve steadies the swaying bag, trying to study it. Dragging his hands over the material, it reminds him of kevlar, same texture. "Jeez, how hard were you hitting?"

"With everything I have." Bucky looks at his hand and then back at Rogers. They both know how much damage that arm can do, and they are shocked that this piece of equipment is still there, unscaved.

"Tell me you have some at the Tower." Steve grins in Stark's direction.

"Seriously? There's an entire room full. Right, now for the fun stuff." Tony waves them over. "This wall, as simple as it looks, has a bunch of fancy sensors in it. It'll measure how fast you throw a punch, toss a knife or even how hard you can hit. But I haven't tested it yet…"

"I'm going to break it." Bucky just has this sinking feeling, he's going to wreck something that cost an absurd amount of money to create. "I'm not hitting that." He points at the fragile looking target before him.

"Come on I need you to. If it works I'm putting one in at the Tower, so try it out." Tony pushes, how he hopes this new gadget works, because then he can start gathering stats and data and be able to build, better and bigger toys.

"Fine." Bucky looks at the Captain who only encourages him with a smile to follow through with Tony's request. "How hard do you want me to hit it?"

"As hard as you possibly can." Tony rubs his chin with his index and thumb, anxious for the results.

Taking in a few deep breaths, Bucky relaxes his body, then takes a few quick steps. Using all the strength and speed he can possibly muster, Bucky swings his arm, a clenched fist land's dead center between the arrows on the wall. There's cracking, a fizzing noise, a couple of sparks and then a few large pieces fall off the wall onto the floor.

"Told you." Bucky shakes his hand, ridding himself of the black debris.

Throwing his hands in the air, defeated, Tony laughs. "He broke it."

"He warned you." Steve grins.

"No, no. That's fine. It's just…." Tony groans. "Means, it's back to the drawing board. I need something strong enough to withstand the Hulk and Thor. This...this is just...great…"

"The bag survived." Bucky tries to console the man. Why, he doesn't know.

"Yeah." Tony walks over to the punching bag, taps it lightly and smiles. "It did."

"Well. I should check on Chrissy." Bucky informs as he passes by the two Avengers.

Tony looks at Steve, puzzled. "Isn't Clint with her? A bit protective much."

The Captain shakes his head. "He doesn't know us. He barely remembers me."

"Ok. So it's a trust thing. Doesn't want to leave her with a man he doesn't know? Only, she's known us a hell of alot longer then he's known her." He sees the Captain shrug his shoulders.

"He's looking out for the people he knows and trusts. And for him, that list is really short." Steve rubs his neck, unsure how to explain something he's not entirely certain anyone else can understand.

"Alright, so it's going to take him a while to get use to us. So what kind of time frame are we talking about here? Two, maybe three days tops?" Tony smirks, he knows he's aggravating his comrade.

"Tony, you sure are a pain."

* * *

There's laughter all through dinner. Clint points to a few pictures on the walls, while recounting what had taken place during some of those memorable times. Everything, from Tony lighting every marshmallow available on fire, to Steve trying to give Jake a bath after he had been sprayed by a skunk.

"All I remember, is that you refused to help." Steve points a fork full of pie at Hawkeye.

"Damn straight. Wasn't my fault you let him try to make friends with that overgrown rodent." Clint is drinking coffee, trying not to laugh while doing so.

Bucky can't help but enjoy this. He continues to smile and laugh along with the stories shared. Steve holds his chest when he laughs, Clint just continues to shake his head, Tony claps his hands together every once and awhile when something really amuses him, and Chrissy continues to smile fondly. This is as close to family either of these people are ever going to get. Maybe, he's not as alone as he thought.

Chrissy's starts picking up the dishes when Steve takes them away from her hands. "Hey, no. Sit. We got this." Knowing that it's a battle she'll lose, Chrissy sighs, sits and resumes drinking her tea. Across the table, she sees Bucky nod approvingly.

"Hey precious, wait up." Tony's carrying the rest of the tableware. "You wash, I'll dry."

"He does dishes now?" Chrissy tries not to sound too shocked.

Clint leans back in the wooden chair. "Not often, Pepper was training him. Didn't last long."

"I heard that!" Tony pipes in. "Besides, dishwashers, all the rage Chris, you should look into it one day."

"Nah, too fancy for this girl." Chrissy giggles and tosses a towel in Stark's direction. "You'll need that."

"Right, well I'm going to go start a fire in the pit before Steve gets me to clean something." Clint finishes his coffee and heads outside.

Chrissy's attention lands on Bucky, who's watching the interaction between Steve and Tony. She'd been so worried that he may feel out of place or distanced. However, now, seeing him beaming brightly and conversing like this was a normal everyday occurrence, Chrissy can relax. Every so often, she can see him look at her from the corner of his eye.

"What?" Finally, intrigued enough by her constant watchful eye. "You feelin alright?" Whoops, she made him worry again.

"Yes, I'm fine, really. It's just nice to see you so at ease. That's all." She confesses. "I'm going to go outside, by the fire. Ok?"

She sees him debate this for a moment and then he looks over his shoulder out the window, Clint has a fire going. "I'll be out soon, just going to make sure these two clowns don't break anything."

Chrissy laughs and heads outside. The crisp air is welcoming, the fire crackles and sends smoke into the night's sky. She takes a seat on the bench and crosses her legs.

"Thanks again for supper, Chris." Barton settles down into one of the chairs.

"You know I always feed you boys well when you visit." It's nice to cook for a larger crowd, she really doesn't mind, it's actually a nice change of pace.

"You sure do." Clint's studying the furniture, dragging his hand along the armrest. "Hey, this is new, right? Because, wasn't there a giant log right there, last time I was here?" He points in her direction.

"Bucky got bored." Chrissy smirks. "Then he found something to occupy his time."

Clint sits up as Steve hands him a beer. "Remember how we were talking about how there were a few changes since the last time we were here?" Steve nods. "Barnes built all this stuff."

Steve looks around, remembering all of the different chairs, objects and repairs he'd seen. Impressed, Rogers smiles. "Glad to see he's found some kind of outlet."

"Who found what?" Tony takes a seat opposite of Clint. "Did someone fix that tractor yet?"

Chrissy laughs, knowing full well what Bucky was doing this morning. "No. Not at all." She hears Jake bark happily and feels her long sweater being draped over her shoulders. "Oh, thanks Bucky. I'm not staying out too late though."

Taking a seat next to her, Bucky hands Chrissy a cup of tea. "Told you it would be a long day."

The guys are once again retelling stories, sometimes about the missions they went on, others about their times here. All the while, Bucky listens attentively, hoping something will spark more memories. As if noticing this, Steve grasps his friend's shoulder shaking him lightly. "Don't worry Buck. It'll take time." Then Rogers's points at Chrissy, who's curled up on the bench, her head resting on Bucky's shoulder, asleep.

Grinning, knowing he was right, Bucky hands his beer to Steve. "Right, I'll be back in a minute. We'll go over, what I can remember…better if she doesn't hear any of it anyways." Steve nods, really he wasn't expecting anything from Bucky tonight.

The other Soldier picks up the sleeping woman and quietly carries her back inside.

"She asleep?" Tony just noticed Barnes walking away with Chrissy in his arms. "She's ok?"

"Yeah, just drained." Steve sighs. "Buck said he called Stevens. The doc said if she doesn't get better, or if she gets worse to bring her in to see him."

"But for her to be that tired? I'll admit, I'm a bit concerned. How many head injuries has she had now? Three?" Tony's shaking his head.

"Tony, Banner took a look at her." Steve tries to console the other man. "And the brain gets harder to heal after each concussion. We know this."

"Yeah, I know. It's just…" It's Chrissy, and that worries him. "I don't like how comfortable she is around him." He says flattly.

"Really?" Clint scoffs. "Gimme a break Stark. Chris is comfortable with everyone that comes here, after a while."

"You know what I mean." Tony's jaw is set, he's serious. "He's still...unstable. I know it's not his fault, but he's still dangerous."

"You're being ridiculous. He's been here, what two and a half months?" Clint's annoyed now, Tony always has to find something to nit pick at. "She's dealt with stuff like this before."

"But what if I'm right? There's something...there. You can't tell me you don't see it." Tony stares at the other two men.

Steve and Clint share a look and then shrug their shoulders. "Is this really a concern right now? Or are you reading between the lines a little too much?" Steve drinks the rest of his beer, he's heard enough of this discussion. "Since I can't get drunk, I'm going to get more beer, anyone for seconds?"

Clint lifts his almost empty bottle in the Captain's direction and Tony shakes his head in refusal. "And Tony…" The Iron man looks up at Rogers. "Drop this topic. It's not why we're here."

"Fine." He's frustrated, but really Steve is right, Tony will never admit that out loud.

* * *

They must not know how advanced his hearing is, because Bucky can hear their entire conversation as he carries Chrissy up to her room. That, or they are not concerned. Rolling his eyes at Tony's comments, grinning when Steve and Clint come to his defense, Bucky's glad he's not outside for that debate.

Just as he's placing Chrissy onto her bed, she groans, fingers going to her temples. "Told you." He reminds her in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, yeah. Did I really just fall asleep out there?" She hears him snicker in the dark of the room, her answer. Chrissy pulls off her shoes and settles into the mattress. "And you carried me, again. Sorry."

"It's fine, just get some rest." He wraps her frame in a blanket and exits the room, leaving the door open slightly for Jake.

Steve's in the kitchen when Bucky finally makes his way back downstairs. "Beer?"

"Uh sure. Just had to grab a few things." Bucky's holding a few note pads. "I wrote down the things I could remember. Helps me keep track. Keep one on the nightstand, for when...I wake up…" He clears his throat, positive Steve understands his train of thought.

"Good idea." Steve hands his friend a beer and grabs a half dozen more, plus one bottle of water for Tony.

Steve rubs his eyes and looks at his watch. 2:53 a.m. They've been going over Bucky's notes for hours. Clint's passed out in his chair, Tony's looking at files on his phone, and the only thing left of the fire, is a few red coals.

"We don't have any records on half this stuff." Tony's at a lost. Barnes won't let him enter any of this information into their database, not until he's one-hundred percent sure these are all accurate memories. "You know there's only two ways we'll know for sure. Right?"

"Yeah, either you follow up on some of this, or my brain shows signs of healing and improvement." Bucky rubs a hand over his tired face. "Either way, I don't want it leaving here. Not yet."

Tony exhales deeply, he understands, and the guy makes sense, but it's frustrating. "No, you're right that's...fine. One question though. What the hell are the trigger words? I know you can't say them out loud, but is there a way you could maybe write them down, or…?"

"No. Even if I could… if they were to end up in the wrong hands somehow…" This is something he will not back down from. "I want to find every copy of that damn manuscript and have it destroyed."

"But what if there's other information in it that we could use…" Steve tries to reason.

"It's either that, or we find a way to deactivate what it does to me." Bucky doesn't sound too hopeful with any scenario. Needle in a haystack situation.

"Wait, the second option. I can work with that." Tony starts typing furiously on his phone. "It might take me a while though."

"Tony, what's going through your head?" Steve's worried, but a bit hopeful. Whenever the Iron man has a hunch, he usually focuses on it until the problem is solved.

"I'm not sure just yet. I'll say more, if and when I figure it out." Tony decides to call it a night, of sorts, and heads for the house. "My room's still in the basement right?" Bucky nods. "Good...that's good." Stark continues typing away on his device.

"Barton." Steve nudges the archer lightly. "It's late."

Stretching, Hawkeye takes a look at his watch. "Jesus, I'm getting too old for this." He notices Barnes staring off into the distance. "Steve go on inside, I'll help clean this up." Barton begins sorting the small note pads, waiting for Steve to enter the home.

Once Rogers is out of sight, Clint studies the spine of one of the small books. "You know, this is a good way, to sort through it all."

Barnes stares at his feet, his shoulders slumping forward. "Doesn't feel that way."

"I know." Clint hands Bucky the note pad. "What you need to remember is it won't bring them back. Not one. It certainly won't make things right, and at the end of the day, you'll still feel like shit." Clint laughs sadly. "You can't put the blame here." Barton points a finger into Bucky's chest, hard. "It wasn't you. Yeah, sure it was your hands. You were their tool, their weapon. But when it's all said and done, it wasn't you."

"You witnessed their deaths. In time, you'll remember...every detail, every name, every last one of them. You're not a ghost, don't let that haunt you." Offering a weary smile, Clint studies the man across from him. "I still wake up, late at night...but I have to remind myself, it wasn't me. I remember screaming inside, the entire time, trying to get my hands to stop, hoping my aim wouldn't be as good as it always is. It wasn't me, just like it wasn't you."

"Not everyone will believe that." Bucky picks up the rest of his notes.

"True, but that doesn't matter. As long as you do. You're the one that has to look at yourself in the mirror." Clint can see the Winter Soldier roll this thought around in his brain. Maybe he helped, maybe he didn't.


	4. Chapter 4: Being Pulled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not as long as my last one, but that's ok. Thanks again for stopping in and reading. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> FIX: Had a weird space going on with my paragraphs, think I've corrected it.  
>  
> 
> Dislaimer : Marvel Own's all these characters, accept Chrissy

** Chapter 4: Being Pulled **

 

As Bucky returns the note pads to the stiff desk drawer, the conversation that he had with Clint replays in his mind.

_‘It wasn't you. Yeah, sure it was your hands. You were their tool, their weapon. But when it's all said and done, it wasn't you.’_

It’s hard sometimes, to even glance in the direction of a mirror, accepting what’s staring back at him, that might take an unquestionable amount of time.

There’s a creek in the floorboards, a shadow passes by his bedroom door. Inwardly, Bucky curses to himself, why hadn’t he heard that sooner? What’s bothering him even more, why hasn’t Charlotte alarmed anyone of this invader? The Soldier grabs the nine millimeter that’s taped to the desk’s underside. Leaning against the wall, near the door, Bucky slowly turns the knob. Peering out the small crack, his calculating gaze lands on someone pacing in the hallway.

A dull, blue light shines from the intruder’s hands, head cocked to the side, he continues muttering at the small device. Without a sound, Bucky places himself in-front of the trespasser, the black M11 aimed at the man’s chest. The invader presumably doesn’t see as well in the dark, seeing as he nearly walks right into the silent Soldier.

“Damn-it! Barnes!” Tony grits out between clenched teeth, trying not to wake anyone else in the home. He takes a few steps back and rubs a hand over his tired brow. “You could have given me a heart attack. Trust me, that’s easier than it sounds.” The Iron man is whispering, but is clearly aggravated. The blue glow illuminates his flushed face. “Is...is that a gun? Jesus. Can you not point that at me?”

That’s why Charlotte didn’t activate any security protocols, this is someone the A.I recognizes. Keeping a low, but firm voice, Bucky refuses to budge from this spot. “What are you doing?” Both Steve and Chrissy trust these guys, but that doesn’t mean he has to, just yet.

“I’m making sure that all of Charlotte’s new upgrades are working.” Tony lifts a brow and shows the Soldier a device that has a blue loading status-bar on the screen. “What else would I be doing?”

Barnes doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t move either. The handgun, still aimed at Stark’s chest.

“Are you going to shoot me? Or can I finish what I was doing now?” Tony exhales deeply, still annoyed.

“No.”

“No? What?” Stark tilts his head back, insomnia, what a bitch, but Barnes sure is climbing the ladder of number one frustration at the moment. “I tinker, it’s what I do.” An explanation, not the best of ones apparently.

“Finish tinkering in the morning.” The Soldier warns.

“It is the morning.” Tony reminds, ready to shout at the top of his lungs. Then, something grabs his attention, the exasperating man before him, is acting as a barrier. Chrissy’s door is just a few feet away. “I get it. Sorry. I know you don’t know me, or trust me for that matter.” Hands rise in surrender, the device still clutched in his left hand. “But I wasn’t going to do anything to wake her. Cap told me what Stevens said.” Tony’s shoulders drop. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, alright? Truce? You could, at the very least aim that thing in a different direction.”

The Soldier lowers the weapon, and continues to glare at Tony. “I thought you were...an intruder.”

“Apology accepted big guy.” Tony lets out a small breath when the other man lowers the gun. Barnes’s eyes drift from Stark to the stairs. “Alright, I get it. If I’m up, or bored...my problem. I’ll uhm, make sure to get this stuff done at a reasonable hour from now on.” Tony nods nervously and makes his way downstairs.

Stark should consider himself fortunate. The Winter Soldier, the Asset, would not have given it a second thought to end it quietly right there. Bucky, on the other hand, can see well enough in almost any area that’s dimly lit, and had chosen to inspect the situation first, before reacting.

Bucky waits until he can hear the audible ‘click’ of the door in the basement bedroom, before he heads back to his own room. The handgun is placed back in it’s place of safekeeping, then the Soldier gets ready for bed. Chancing a look in the mirror, blue eyes look hesitantly up at his reflection, he notices something different. James Barnes is no longer the man standing there, but he’s doesn’t see the Winter Soldier either. Only Bucky stares back at him, nervously chewing at the corner of his mouth. Observing his prosthetic and scares, he sighs.

Maybe there’s hope for him yet.

* * *

One million, that’s how many flies there has to be here, at least a million, and good God that smell. Magots, and what the hell is that dripping? Steve now understands why Chrissy wanted Bucky to just leave _it_ be. This is a bit much, even for the Captain. Rogers tries to hide any discomfort by holding a hand over his mouth.

“Jeez, Buck.”

Grinning, Bucky looks at the other man over his shoulder. “Told you.” The Soldier walks around the corpse once, looks over a few bushes and down the far trail. Unfortunately, this gruesome sight is not the worse thing this man has ever seen.

“What are you looking for?” Steve’s watching his friend bend low, move leaves and dirt around, obviously searching for something in particular.

“Tracks.” Simple answer. “Hair. Disturbances.” Blue eyes scan the ground.

“Alright, this is a large piece of property with a vast amount of wildlife. What’s so weird about that?” Steve really wishes Bucky would just get to the point so they could leave already, God that smell.

Dusting the palms of his hands on his thighs, Bucky stands up. “There’s none.”

“So?” Rogers shrugs his shoulders. 

“A big horse like Caesar, dead and nothing even comes near the corpse to check it out? That doesn’t seem odd to you?” Bucky licks his lips, something’s off about this.

“Maybe Caesar was ill. Maybe that’s why nothing wants anything to do with the body.” The Captain’s had enough of this putrid aroma, he starts marching back towards the field, towards fresh air.

Bucky trails behind him. “Or maybe, there’s nothing in the area to pick at these bones, because something else has moved in and claimed this territory as it’s own. Something that’s freakin-out the rest of the animals.”

That actually makes sense. “Like what?”

“Not sure. The biggest thing in Canada would be a Grizzly, but there’s none in Ontario. A pack of timberwolves would have devoured that pile of meat. Maybe a mountain lion, but they are rarely seen up this way.” The Soldier scratches his chin.

“Mountain lion?” Steve looks over the forest. “That would explain what could have spooked the horse, maybe even why you didn’t find any tracks on the ground. It could have been in the trees, stalking.”

“Maybe...” Bucky’s eyes are scanning the trees, the long grass, the fence line. Still doesn’t feel right in his bones.

“Doesn’t matter, Charlotte’s always scanning the property. If anything creeps past the barriers, she’ll spot it and deal with it.” Steve assures his friend as they make their way back to the farm.

* * *

The morning mist is still rising from the lake when the two men get back, they see Clint sitting at the edge of the dock, drinking coffee and fishing. He lifts a hand in their direction, Steve returns the wave, Barnes gives a slight nod.

Tony is sitting on the sofa, still typing away on his phone. “Enjoy your morning stroll?” He asks without looking in their direction. “Chris is still asleep. Is that normal?”

Steve looks over at Bucky and clears his throat. “Why don’t you go ahead and check on her.” Once his friend is up the stairs, Steve takes a seat opposite of Stark. “He told me what happened last night.”

“Did he also tell you that he held me at gunpoint? Fun stuff.” Tony scoffs. “Where I’m from, that’s considered rude.”

“Yeah, he told me.” Steve gently takes the gadget from Stark’s hands and places it on the table. Tony rolls his eyes. “He’s going to be cautious and protective. Hell, he has every reason to be. We don’t even know if anyone’s still looking for him.”

“I get what you’re saying. I do. But I’m not sure how we’re suppose to win over some super soldier with PTSD and trust issues.” Tony sighs.

“It’ll take time.” Steve smiles. “I know you’re not one for patience, but this is a situation that will need a lot of it. Don’t push his buttons too much.”

“Trust me, I’m clear on that.” Stark picks up his device and starts rereading the information.

* * *

It’s 8 a.m, rarely does she ever sleep past six. Bucky makes his way down the hall towards the door he knows will be open. Gently he pushes on the handle, the door opening a bit more. Chrissy’s still asleep, her breathing is heard, long and deep. Running his tongue along his teeth, Bucky debates waking her. The doctor had told him that if she didn’t wake from her sleep or slept too long to call him back.

Stepping over Jake, Bucky can see that she’s still lying in the exact same spot where he had left her the night before. His weight shifts the bed when he sits, he’d hoped that alone would stir the woman from her deep slumber. “Chrissy…” A metal hand rubs her arm gently. “You should probably wake up.”

A minute goes by before she finally starts to groan and move. “What time is it?”

“A little after eight.” Jake’s at his knee, waiting for the morning scratch. “I know you hate sleeping past six…”

 

“It’s alright. Thanks.” Rolling her shoulders, she sits up. “I’ll shower and then head down.”

Chewing at the inside of his cheek, the Soldier has an inner-discussion on whether it would be inappropriate or not, to wait right here while she washed up. Concluding that it was probably unacceptable, Bucky heads back downstairs, Jake following close by.

“Was she awake?” Steve asks, while passing the other man a hot cup of coffee.

Bucky’s eyes drift back to the stairs. “No, I had to wake her.” His attention now on the mug in his hand.

“You said Stevens would drop by in a few days right?” Steve asks. Bucky nods, still concentrating on the beverage, concern plastered all over his face. “We’ll keep an eye on her, he’ll probably stop in soon.”

* * *

Rogers, Stark, Barnes and Barton spend most of the day at the kitchen table, going over all of the information and notes that they’ve gathered. They try to organize it all into an order that encompasses some sort of timeline. However, there are still massive gaps missing.

“This is the one that I keep going back to.” Tony pushes a black and white photograph of an elderly man across the table. “Hugo Gernsback.” He taps the picture with his index.

Drained, Bucky places his elbows on the table. “What of him?”

“Well, why for starters.” Tony runs a hand through his hair. “Look I know the man’s history, or you know what we were taught in school, but why was Hydra interested in him?”

“They never said. I was never informed on why I was doing the things I did.” The Soldier rubs his hands together, remorseful. “They’d give me a mission. Usually I was drugged, or wiped....for lack of better words, if I completed the job without incident or if I started asking too many questions. Tortured, when I messed up. I got really good, really quickly, at doing what I did, without question and perfectly.”

“Negative reinforcement.” Clint shakes his head sadly. “Shit, sorry man.” 

Having a hard time hearing any this, Steve lets out a long breath, gripping his knees. Knowing that his friend was tormented, for years, with no end in sight, has the fluids in his stomach wanting to climb their way out.

“Anyways, he was a mark, Gernsback. I was to watch him for a few days, then on the fourth day I snuck in and injected him with whatever syringe they had given me to use.” Bucky rubs the back of his neck, wishing he could remember more.

“Make sure to inform me the moment you remember anything else. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would they have you off an elderly man, who wrote science fiction and who was just days away from a natural death?” Tony continues to rub a hand over his chin. “I’m going to do some digging. It just feels like there’s more to this.”

“I’m starving. I’ll give Chrissy a break on making supper. You guys alright with barbeque?” Hawkeye pushes himself up and begins looking for the woman.

Bucky remains seated, looking intently at the photo between his fingers. When Rogers clasps his shoulder, the Soldier jumps slightly, being torn from his thoughts. “It wasn’t you who did all these things.” The Captain points to the folders and papers all over the dining table. “They forced your hands, you had no choice.”

Tossing the picture back into the pile, Bucky licks his dry lips. “I know, but it doesn’t matter. Anyway you look at it, I still did all of these things, and more I’m sure. The things I did...can’t be forgiven. I know what I am. Maybe I can’t ever make things right, but I’ll be damned if I ever stop trying.”

“What are you saying? You’ll join the Avengers?” Steve’s trying his best to not sound too hopeful.

“No.” Bucky’s fists flex. “There’s things I continue to remember, old memories slowly keep creeping back. It wasn’t a life worth having, but it was mine. Whatever I can remember at least. Even if I have to piece it all together myself. Maybe some of the information I write down, can eventually help save lives. Maybe, it won’t all be for nothing. I’ll help the Avengers, whenever I can. Whenever I’m not...a danger, to you or anyone on your team. If I have to join a mission, or an extraction so be it. But I’m not doing any of that until we know for sure that I’m not a risk.”

“Buck, we’d take special precautions.” Steve tries to reassure his friend.

“No, that’s not good enough. The stuff in here…” The Soldier points a finger to his skull. “One slip on my part...and people die. Good people. Innocent people. I’m not letting that happen again.”

“It’s your call, just know that I back you, one hundred percent, on whatever you choose to do.”

* * *

There’s four bodies on the ground at his feet, two more than he had intended. The original marks were done quick and clean. A perfect hole in each of their skulls, little noise, little mess. The couple that showed up unannounced at the last minute, that was unexpected so he had improvised. They, on the other hand, weren’t so clean. The man got the worse of it, a knife lodged in the back of his neck, that the Asset had to put a bit more force than usual behind. That had made a mess. The woman, she had been whimpering the entire time, but he hadn’t let that slow him down, snapped her neck, twisting her head almost all the way around.

Intel must have gotten something wrong, because there was only suppose to be two people here, his mission. Judging by the photos on the wall, this extra couple must have been relatives or close friends of the marks. The Asset sees something else in one of the framed pictures, the two witnesses, that he had just murdered, looks like they have a teenage daughter. Advanced hearing, picks up everything, even the panicked breathing behind a closet door.

The Asset opens the door and spots a girl, no older than sixteen, hiding behind the swaying jackets. Small hands are covering her mouth, hoping to keep her sobs a secret, and her eyelids are firmly shut tight. She probably hadn’t seen a thing.

No witnesses. No remorse. A better society.

The Winter Soldier tightens his metallic fist. With his free hand, he grasps the girl by the neck, drags her out from the hiding spot, pulls back his metal arm...

Bucky wakes in a cold sweat, a scream caught in the depths of his throat. Heart hammering in his chest. What happened to that girl? The answer, a sinking pit of guilt and disgust in his gut. Staring down at his trembling hands, instruments of death, he feels nauseated. Is that bile in his mouth?

Barely making it from his bed to the washroom, he begins vomiting violently. How will he ever be able to forget that sound or the feeling of that...mess, on his hands. Hand. The other, it’s not even his, not really. Convulsions seeming to be over, he strips down and turns the shower on as hot as he can possibly withstand. The water, that will calm him, it’ll wash the sweat and tears from his face. What about all that blood? The blood that’s no longer there, but that will remain stained, forever in his mind. Oh God help him. Placing his hands against the wall for support, Bucky leans his forehead against the shower tiles. Water cascades down his back, turning the skin there red.

Eyelids close, the memory still playing like a broken record, it’s not real, he tries to remind himself, only it was. It happened. He had done _that_. All that brain matter, the metallic aroma of blood, and the girl. The color drains from his face, this isn’t good. Before he can react, he’s falling. Blue eyes roll to the back of his head. There’s a distinguished loud crack when he makes vicius contact with the side of the porcelain tub. His left arm taking the brunt of the fall, his rib cage taking the rest. The water’s still hot, still running, there’s bagging on the door, but he can’t hear it.

“Buck!” Steve’s on the opposite side, panicking. “I’m breaking it.” He informs the worried woman beside him. With a strong, quick, shove of his shoulder, the frame of the door splinters and busts. “Jesus.” Steve can see that his friend has hit the tub with enough force to fracture it. The Soldier is slouched back against the wall, there’s water pooling on the floor and the shower curtain is basically non existent at this point.

“A towel, or something...please.” Rogers places his hands on Chrissy’s shoulders, stopping her from entering the bathroom, he’s positive that Bucky would appreciate a bit of privacy. Steve turns off the water, and then grabs Barnes by the jaw trying to wake the man. “Buck!

No response.

“Here.” Chrissy tosses Steve a large towel from the doorway. “That won’t work, you need to let him come to, on his own.”

Steve sighs. “Chris, what would you have done...had I not been here?”

“Used my keys to unlock the door.” She says flattly. This wouldn’t be the first man she’s seen in the buff. “Can you get him out of there?”

The Captain manages to lift the Soldier enough to wrap his waist with the towel. Steve hoists Bucky’s metal arm over his shoulder, wraps his other arm around his friends torso and drags the man to the bed.

“He’s not bleeding, might have one or two cracked ribs though. Other than that, there seems to be no other injuries.” Chrissy looks over Bucky quickly, with the amount of racket he had made, she was positive that there was going to at least be blood. Extra towel in hand, she sits on the bed and does her best to dry off his damp hair and exposed skin. Her shoulders rise and fall as she exhales deeply. “Where were you this time?” She whispers, using her fingers to comb the dark-hair away from his face.

Lighting speed, a metal hand grasps her wrist, the gears in his arm droning to life. Eyes furious, he stares at the arm in his grip.

Taking a cautious step forward, Steve tries to calm the man. “Buck...it’s ok.”

Chrissy remains calm, raising her free hand in Steve’s direction, signaling him to stop where he stands. Her eyes never leave Bucky’s face. “It’s ok. You’re safe.” Her lips form a warm smile.

She looks over to Steve and he nods. “She’s right.”

“Your name is James Barnes, but you prefer to be called Bucky. It’s 2016, it’s almost fall. The leaves are starting to turn color.” His grip is loosening. “You’re in Canada, have been for two and a half months now.”

Like a fog has been lifted from his vision, tired eyes squint in her direction. “Chrissy...Oh no, what did I do?”

“Nothing.” Steve reassures and takes another step closer.

“Did I hurt anyone?” The tired man inquires, as Chrissy helps him to sit up.

“Nope, just the bathtub.” She offers a weary smile.

A few water droplets fall from his bangs and land on his bare shoulders and chest. Thankfully, when he looks down, he’s covered. “Thanks.” He grins sadly in Rogers direction. Bucky leans over to see the bathroom in complete disarray. The leftover side effects from all the dry heaving is starting to bother him. Man, does his ribs ever hurt, they will probably be a lovely shade of black later on.

“You wanna tell us what happened?” Steve takes a chair and sits in-front of his friend.

“A nightmare, of sorts...it woke me.” Bucky pushes the damp hair from his eyes. “I threw up, took a shower and that’s all I remember…”

“Must of been one hell of a nightmare. Wanna talk about it?” Steve rubs his hands together and raises a questioning brow.

“No.” The Soldier licks his lips. “Thanks, Steve. But no.” Bucky’s hands grip the edge of the bed.

“Fair enough.” Not knowing what more he can do, Rogers decides that maybe he should let Bucky get some rest. “You know where to find me if you need anything.” He pats his friend on the arm and leaves the room.

“You’re not fooling me.” Chrissy places a hand on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. “Are you alright in there?” Eyes search his face, she’s worried.

Bucky gently pulls himself free of her grip, and shakes his head. “Not really.” He laughs lowly. At this point he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry out in frustration. “The things that I’ve done...God, I wouldn’t be able to live with the way you or Steve would look at me after... I’ve told him and the others most of the stuff I remember, but I’ve left out the...details.” Hanging his head in shame, Bucky lets a raspy breath leave him. “I know I’m a monster. And that’s fine. It’s the hand I’ve been dealt.”

Chrissy tries to console him. “Bucky...no. That’s not true.”

“It’s ok. I’m alright with it. But that doesn’t mean I’m alright with either of you having to deal with the knowledge of what I’ve done. It’s my burden to carry.” Bucky takes in a deep breath. “It’s bad enough you have to see me like this…” The Soldier looks down at himself, practically nude and trembling.

“You’re cold.” Chrissy begins rubbing her hand across his back.

“That’s cause I’m soaked and naked.” He scoffs. “Sorry I killed your bathroom.”

“It’s not my bathroom, it’s yours. Besides, now it gives you something else to fix.” She hears him snicker at this. “Get dressed, I’ll get you some dry bedding.

After a few mins, he’s dressed in light pants and has the bed cleared of the wet linen. There’s a knock at his door. “You decent?”

“Yeah.” He opens the door and Chrissy enters the room, Jake not too far behind her. “Thanks, you should go back to bed.”

“No I’ll help.” She begins placing the sheets. After a few minutes, the bed is made and Jake is snoring away on the floor. “There, done.” Chrissy knows that as soon as she leaves, he’s not even going to attempt to try and fall back asleep.

“Come on, I’ll stay till you fall asleep.” She sees him look at her oddly. Raising a confused brow in her direction as she sits on the bed with her back against the wall. “I use to do this with my cousins all the time, it’s fine.” She places a pillow by her side and pats it. “I won’t bite or do anything to make you feel weird. Promise.”

Stubborn woman. Knowing she won’t give up until he at least tries her suggestion, Bucky lies on his side, facing the wall away from her, his head resting on the pillow. A blanket is pulled over his exhausted and sore body. Fingers make soothing trails through his hair and along his scalp.

“Try not to think about anything. If you have to, think about the sounds that the lake makes when it hits the shore, or the sounds the fire makes when it cracks and sparks.” Her fingers continue to run through his hair. “The animals at night, the wind blowing through the fields.”

Eyes are heavy, he shuts them, doubting very much he’ll sleep.

“Try not to picture anything or dwell on smells.” Chrissy knows for a fact, these are some of the things he must remember most from those horrible memories and dreams. She wants him to find new ways to cope. “But if you need to, think of how the pine smells when you work with it, picture the end result of all your hard work.”

Long, deep, rested breaths are heard, he’s asleep. Chrissy smiles. How she hopes this helps. After a few minutes, she plants a light kiss on his temple and leaves the room. Jake is still sleeping on the floor, so she leaves the door open ajar.

Yeah, like she's going to be able to sleep after he scared the crap out of her like that. The amount of noise that was made when he crashed to the floor, she was certain a vehicle had struck the house. Coffee time, Chrissy makes her way to the kitchen, Steve is already there waiting for the machine to finish brewing.

“Hey.” Chrissy takes a seat at the table. “Couldn't go back to sleep?”

“Didn't bother trying. Looks like you did the same.” Steve pores two mugs of caffeine and places one in front of his small friend. “How's he doing?”

“He's sleeping.” Chrissy adds cream and sugar to her beverage and sighs. “Must have been a really bad one. Haven't seen him like that in a while.”

"So this isn't happening as often?” That's a bit of relief, maybe his mind is actually starting to slowly heal.

"Not as often no. But I find the better he gets, the more he starts to remember. In more detail.” Chrissy stares aimlessly at her coffee. “Having you here, it's good for him. I know he went over a bunch of stuff with you guys. Instead of judging or freaking out, all you did was listen and take him seriously. He only tells me a hand full of things and leaves out a lot of details. So this…” She points in Steve’s direction. “You just being here, I know he won't say it, but it means a great deal to him.”

That puts a smile on Rogers face. “Thanks.” Honestly, he didn't know if he was helping at all, or how to. Knowing that he's doing something, anything at all, to help is reassuring.

“How do you get him to calm down so quickly? And then you even got him to go back to sleep?” Steve is floored, he was positive Bucky wouldn't be resting after an episode like that.

“Don't know. Experience with people like Logan helps, that's for sure.” Chrissy snickers.

Steve isn't blind or dumb, he knows they have some kind of connection. And that's alright, Chrissy has always had this energy about her, this presence and she always seemed to know what to do or say. That's probably what Connor had loved about her so much.

“How are you doing?” Steve reaches across the table and squeezes her hand in his.

“Me?” She shrugs her shoulders. “I'm fine. He gave me a good scare this time around.”

“That's not what I meant.” Steve’s staring at her with concern. “And you know it.”

Chrissy sighs. “Did you know I can't even really remember what happened that day? I've fallen of horses a ton of other times before that, not once have I injured myself that bad. Something must have scared that horse enough to react in such a way.” She brings her shoulders closer to her frame, the thought of Caesar dead, is still a little raw.

Seeing this topic really starting to bother her, the Captain decides to change it. “It's nice to see you again. I know Tony’s been worried about you.”

“I know. I don't think he's too thrilled about your buddy staying here.” Chrissy smiles while sipping at her coffee. “I've missed all of yous as well. But it's nice having someone else here, I used to love how quiet it was. Now with Bucky here, I think it would be weird if it were just me and Jake again.”

“Thanks, for taking him in. I'm glad he chose to come here. It's the best place for him. The other safehouses, probably would have turned him down.”

Chrissy rises from her chair and places her cup in the sink. “You know I'd never turn anyone away.” She stands behind Steve, wraps her arms softly around his neck in a hug. “Besides, he's your friend, how could I do that to him, or you? Not to mention, he's pretty handy around here, I can't turn away that kind of help.” Chrissy giggles.

Smiling, Rogers pats her right arm. “Still, I appreciate it and I know he does as well.”


	5. Chapter 5: Small Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just want to thank everyone who's leaving comments and faving this story and subscribing and all that good stuff. I always write for my own enjoyment, but it's nice to know others are liking it as well. Please Continue to R&R!
> 
> Disclaimer : All Owned by Marvel, not Chrissy, she's mine.

**Chapter 5: Small Things**

According to Steve, today is officially down time. The Captain hadn't planned on Bucky diving right into things as soon as they had arrived, and they have been constantly researching and filing anything the Soldier could remember since. Everyone, especially Bucky, needs a break, although he'll never admit to it. The constant stress of revisiting those traumatic memories, Steve can't allow it to continue, his friend has already been through and seen enough.

"Bucky, do you have a minute?" Chrissy asks while handing him a cup of coffee, the corners of her mouth tipping up in a slight smile. She's taking this opportunity of leisure time to help the tired man focus on something else. "Nothing major, I just...want to show you something."

"Yeah. Of course." Sipping at the hot beverage, Bucky follows her out of the home and into the workshop, where she climbs a ladder and motions with her chin for him to follow. Placing the cup on Tony's desk he lifts a curious brow in her direction. "What the hell are we doing?" He rolls the sleeves of the plaid shirt up to his elbows and climbs the wooden ladder.

Reaching the top, he finds Chrissy sitting on her knees, unlocking a large metal storage box. There's dust dancing in the early morning sunlight, she seems a bit giddy while staring at this contraption fondly.

"Alright, before you refuse, just know that I _want_ you to have these." She unbuckles the metal clasps, there's a loud click sound for each one that she undoes. "I've already talked it over with Steve and the others, and they thought it might be a good idea as well."

Once Bucky finally settles beside her, Chrissy smiles and motions with her hands for him to open the large box. Cautiously, Bucky lifts the lid with his metal fingers, already he can smell it, there's only one thing that can produce an odor like that. Gunfire residue, from years of service.

Puzzled, he shrugs his shoulders. "I don't understand."

"Hunting season starts soon. I always get tags for the property. Usually it's just Frank that uses some of them, but I thought, maybe it would be something different for you to do. A different hobby, of sorts, one to keep you on your toes so to speak. I want you to have it. All of it." Aware that it's a lot to take in, Chrissy licks her dry lips and begins playing with the edge of her sweater, anticipating his reaction.

The Soldier's eyes go over the contents of the case once more. There's more to this than she's letting on. There is a lot of firepower here, rifles, shotguns and handguns, not to mention other odds and ends. After a few moments of studying the items, his gaze lands on the the C14 Timberwolf, that one, is military issued. Eyes grow wide with realization.

_Connor._

Chrissy can tell by the large, shaky, intake of breath, that Bucky has figured out where all this stuff must have come from. When he brings his attention back to the woman, she's pulling at a thread at the edge of her thick sweater.

"Chrissy. I...I can't." The gesture is appreciated, but he couldn't possibly accept something sentimental.

"I knew you'd say that." Smiling brightly, she clears her throat. "Listen, I'm never going to use any of these things. I have two handguns in the house, they were Connor's favorites, but only because I know how to use them, and he always made me promise to keep at least two nearby. I always thought he was paranoid." Chrissy snickers at this thought.

"Smart man. Sound logic, considering what it is you do here." Bucky grins, knowing he has two in his bedroom, maybe that's something he should probably inform her of.

Bucky's eyes return to the weapons, all in amazing condition, Connor must have been one hell of a soldier. He picks up the C14 and pulls the bolt back, examining the rifle. There's a few alterations that must have been done to the previous owner's liking. Bucky drags his teeth along his bottom lip. "He was a sniper, and he was good at it. Wasn't he?"

Chrissy nods. "He really was." She places the keys to the metal storage unit in the palm of his hand. "And he loved hunting. We always had wild meat in the freezer. It was his favorite." Her eyes fill with warmth at the thought of this memory. "Anyways, I thought it would be something you might enjoy. It's nice to see that all this stuff might get some actual use and not just sit up here for eternity."

"I don't know what to say. I know how much this stuff must mean to you…"

Really Bucky's touched, this is the first gift that he can even remember receiving. Well that's not true, he remembers a few gifts, maybe Christmas, he's not sure. That was then, the fragmented memories of a lost soul. This is now. A gift, just for him.

Not only that, this woman is basically saying she trusts him enough to hand him a case full of weapons. Sure, there's all the stuff Stark had brought, but it's not the same. This woman has no superpowers, no special skill sets to protect herself from harm, from him. Yet here she is, offering to arm him up to the teeth. The last belongings of someone that she had cared deeply for.

"Say 'thanks Chrissy' and that you'll make sure to keep the freezer full, so I don't have to beg Frank to do it." She laughs while dragging her hand fondly over a small box in the the large metal case.

"Deal." Bucky places the rifle back in it's spot. The woman beside him sighs. "What's wrong?"

Chrissy shakes herself from a daze. "Oh, nothing. I just, forgot about this." She pulls out the tiny wooden box. Rolling her shoulders, she takes a breath and opens the lid. "Just a few small things that I really need to let go of." She pulls out a zippo, a military tactical watch, a notepad, a compass and a set of dog-tags with two wedding bands attached to it. "Really it should have been buried with him."

"You should make a case for him, with these things in it, and his flag." Bucky suggests. Men and women who serve their country, yeah that's a soft spot for him. "Tell you what, leave this stuff with me. I'll make something nice for him. Alright?"

"Really?" Voice cracking a bit. He nods, and helps place the objects back into the small box. "Thank-you." Chrissy would have never thought of anything like that on her own, she's not the most creative after all. She chuckles softly when he makes an 'Umph' sound from the sudden, tight, hug that catches the Soldier off guard.

"It's the least I can do." Bucky smiles against her shoulder, returning the embrace. It's because of someone like Connor, that he now has a second chance in life. Silently, Bucky promises himself and a dead Soldier he's never met, to do everything in his power to protect this woman and honor Connor's memory, by doing the best he can to recover and continue on the road of being a good man. Bucky shuts his eyes, knowing this means he'll have to do what's right, and protect all of the innocents that he can, anyway he can. A proper Soldier.

"Alright, I'll leave you be." Chrissy removes her arms from around his neck. "You'll probably need to sight most of that stuff. I'm sure Clint and Steve can help with that. Oh and I know you have a few...things, stashed in the house. Please don't bring any more inside." She laughs while heading down the ladder. "I mean it!" She warns, trying to look strict.

* * *

"You know that we are only here for another couple of days right? Are you going to keep making breakfast like this every morning?" Tony continues drying and placing dishes in the cupboards.

"You know it." Chrissy hands the Iron man another wet plate and laughs.

Drying the dish, while lifting a brow, Stark shrugs his shoulders. "What?"

"It's nothing. Just a bit weird to see you all domestic." The woman giggles lightly while continuing her chore. "I can finish this up. I know you must be dying to head out, maybe continue building some contraption of yours."

Tony looks out the window quickly to see Steve, Bucky and Clint heading back towards the workshop, each of them carrying a few riffles. They must be finishing up finally. Stark knows that Chrissy is well aware that none of them are about to leave her alone for too long. "I'm good here." A broad smile is splayed across his face as he continues the task.

Looking from the corner of his eye, Stark can see Chrissy wince. Hands soapy, she razes a palm to her eyebrow trying to force the beginning of a migraine to leave her. "Chris, you good?"

"What?" The woman stretches her neck out a bit, trying to relieve the tension there. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just starting a headache I think." Chrissy wipes her hands on the extra towel and then grips the countertop. She tilts her head from side to side, grimacing when the pain shoots up her neck.

Tony's eyes are looking out the window once more. They're still there, should he call for them? "Maybe you should sit and take a breather…" Before he can finish, she's collapsing. "Chris!" The Iron Man drops to his knees and catches his friend, being at the ready, all day, every day has it's advantages. What gives? "Barnes! Steve! Somebody!"

The panic, he can feel a pulse thumping away in his jugular as his jaw tightens. He's a mechanic, an engineer. This, he doesn't know what to do with this. Given time he'd probably figure it out, but at this very moment, all Tony can think about is how frightened he is. The woman in his grasp seems so frail, although he knows better, Connor taught her well.

The other men are in the kitchen within seconds. "What happened?" Steve is at Tony's side, pushing Chrissy's hair from her pale face. Her skin is clammy and flushed.

"I...I don't know. Said something about a migraine and then she just...fell." Still kneeling on the hardwood floor with Chris in his arms, Tony brings his attention to the other Soldier standing oddly still by his side. "Has she done this before?"

"Nope." Bucky's emotions are unreadable at this moment to the other men in the room. He's trying to calculate his next course of actions. Terrified, that's the word he was looking for, but couldn't put his finger on it until just now. And how could he remember that word, it's not one that's in his vocabulary often. "Call Stevens. Tell him what happened, every detail."

It's only been a few hours, and already Barnes feels like the promise he made to Connor is getting botched up.

Without hesitation or argument, Tony allows the Soldier to remove the woman from his arms. "Right…" He watches helplessly as Barnes lifts Chrissy's unconscious form and carries her up the stairs. "Cap, maybe some wet cloths and ice…Barton, call Banner, see if he has any ideas."

Steve nods and starts going through the freezer and searches the kitchen for a towel, while Tony calls the doctor and Clint tries to get a hold of Bruce.

* * *

_Post concussion._ That's what the doctor is explaining to Steve, Tony and Clint in the livingroom. Bucky doesn't need an explanation, he's familiar with a vast amount of medical terms. How else is one suppose to make things looks like accidents, or natural causes of death, unless they at least have some knowledge in that field.

Basically, in a nutshell, there's nothing anyone can do, but deal with the symptoms as they occur.

_Fuck._

Continuing to block out the murmuring of the voices coming from downstairs, Bucky sits on a chair beside Chrissy's bed. It's like Stevens said, it'll just take her longer to recover, but she'll recover, eventually. ETA of full recovery, unknown. She just needs to learn to take better care of herself.

Stubborn woman.

Gently, Bucky rubs a cold wet cloth over her brow. With a pained expression, Chrissy places a hand over his. "My head is pounding." A shaky whisper, as she begins to sit up.

The Soldier places a small bag of ice behind the base of her skull. "Rest. Stevens is leaving some migraine meds for you. And you're going to take them. Just until you're better." Hands are softly pushing at her shoulders, trying to get her to lie back down.

"Alright. I'm really not getting that glass of wine anytime soon, am I?" Still whispering, still a sense of humor.

Stubborn woman.

"That's a negative." The Soldier places a glass of water and one of the pills in her hands. "You're aware of...how fond I am of...drugs." Bucky clears his throat, the subject a bit raw, and adjusts his position. "But if it'll help you get better...And I'll make sure you only get enough to help you recover..."

Chrissy knows he'll feel better monitoring the medication intake. If that's enough to ease this worried man's mind, then by all means, Bucky can play nurse all he wants. The poor guy already feels bad enough for something he had no control over.

"Deal."

He takes the glass and places it on the nightstand. "You're not going to leave, are you?" That's more of a statement then a question. Chrissy knows the answer, and knows he won't verbalize it either. She lets out a small sigh. All this being fussed over, it's ridiculous.

Bucky crosses his arms and leans back in the chair, a look of determination set across his face. This man is going nowhere. From where he's sitting, he can see out her bedroom window, has a view of her door, and can monitor the entire room. Vantage point, secured. This is something he can't fight physically and it has made him a bit fidgety.

"Where's Jake?" As if she had to ask. A loud high pitched yawn comes from the end of the bed. "Good boy." She can feel his tail wagging across the bedding.

"Rest." Bucky reminds in a low, commanding voice. He's serious.

The problem is that she doesn't feel tired anymore, just sore, and that pounding, she could do without that. Neck freezing, she places the bag of ice aside. "Sorry, I'm not exactly tired. I just...it feels like I've been asleep all day."

"You have been." He informs. Jeez, no wonder he's so cranky. Chrissy knows she would have been behaving the same way had the tables been turned.

Finally, something occurs to her, it's dark outside. "What time is it?"

Bucky stretches his back against the chair, the wood creaks under the pressure of his weight. "Ten, pm." She's been asleep for twelve hours at least. Alright, now she's starting to see why he might be a bit uneasy. Dear Lord, he must have stayed here the entire time as well. Now she feels horrible.

"Alright, that's nuts." She admits, a bit alarmed. "Bucky, I'm getting out of bed. I want to get cleaned up at least." Even in the dimly lit room she can feel his stare, resolved and unwavering. "You can glare at me all you want. You can stay right there if you want. But I'm getting up."

As soon as Chrissy's feet hit the floor, Bucky is by her side gripping her elbows. "Just...take it slow." Dizzy and weak, she grips his forearms. "See... easy."

"You should probably eat...you've got to be starving." Chrissy steadies herself and waves him off gently.

"I'm fine." He's annoyed.

Taking her time, the wobbly woman makes her way to the bathroom and then starts a bath. "I'll leave the door unlocked but that's it." Chrissy can appreciate why Bucky's so apprehensive to let her leave his sights. To be honest, she's starting to grow a bit concerned herself, but she'll never confess to it. Also, she's a grown woman, who's been living on her own for a long time, she'll bathe if she wants to damn it.

Taking a bath is supposed to be soothing, but that's kind of hard to accomplish when you know there's an ex-assassin sitting at the end of your bed, listening to make sure you don't drown, ready to bolt through that door the moment he suspects something's amiss. Chrissy tries to relax her body in the warm water, but knows better than to take too long. That's all she needs is for that Soldier to come in here and pull her naked-self from the tub. Yeah, that would definitely be the cherry on the top of her crappy-day-cake.

So, she makes quick work of getting clean. Chrissy towels her hair dry and exits the bathroom. The Soldier is at the same spot where she had left him, his elbows resting on his knees while his metal thumb massages his right palm. At this point, Chrissy's unsure if she should feel relieved or guilty that he's still in her room.

"There, you can breathe now." Seeing his tormented look, she sighs. Guilty it is. Chrissy takes a seat next to him at the end of the bed. "Sorry...for today." A lump forms in her throat, knowing she probably gave them all a pretty good scare. Wasn't she suppose to be helping this man, road to recovery and all that, not giving him more reasons to fall into a pit of depression or self-loathing.

"Nothing you could have done about it." Metal fingers push her bangs to the side, investigating her still healing gash. Seeming to be satisfied with the wound's progress, Bucky averts his eyes and focuses on the floor.

"Guess it's a good thing you decided to come here all those weeks ago. Who knows I could have still been lying in that field."

This causes him to smile. "You're too stubborn. You would have been just fine regardless." She can see that he's sorting through something in his mind. "I think...other than that time with Steve. This is the first time I can remember actually feeling concern for someone and their safety."

Well that's something. "Really? You can't remember any other time?"

He seems to think on this for a moment, then shakes his head sharply. "I can remember that there were times...like the memory of it is there. But it's almost like...it's someone else's memory that I'm sharing. I can't remember how I felt." He places his hand flat over his chest, his fingers digging into the material of the shirt. This is something that must have been bothering him for quite sometime.

"The only reason I pulled Steve from the river...I remembered him. I wasn't concerned for his well-being just yet, but something told me I should be. So I acted on instinct. Felt right." Bucky doesn't expect her to have an answer, but he thinks she can comprehend the explanation, somewhat.

Chrissy reaches out, placing a delicate hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You're not connecting emotionally with the memories."

It's not the first time she's heard of this. Logan went through something similar. "And that's ok. Frustrating, to no end. But it's ok. All that matters, is that you continue to try and live in the now." Wanting to reassure the man, Chrissy trails her hand to between his shoulderblades and rubs his back in soothing circles.

"I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. You can't let a past life, that you can't even remember, or that doesn't affect you here…" A gentle index is placed over his heart. "To cause you pain, now. If you dwell on memories that don't cause you to feel, you'll never feel sane."

Chrissy's trying her best to be supportive, but she's not about to lie to him either. "You're aloud to live and to move on. Caring for the people around you now, that's what lets you know that you are alive and human. A man. Not some weapon they created in a lab." When the Soldier's head dips, demeanor and face twisted in remorse, her heart hurts for him. The faces of friends and family, all gone, all dead, and he can't even remember how he felt about them. Only their names.

"I know you feel like you have some sort of obligation, some duty to remember everything, and everyone. But that won't change what happened and what is. It will either come back to you or it won't. You can't force it." She wraps her hands around Bucky's upper-arm, and rests the side of her head on his shoulder.

"I know that's a really hard thing to hear, and I would love to make everything easier for you, but all I can do is offer my support and my one hundred percent guarantee to make sure I tell you how it is. That way there, you are the one that gets to make the final decisions when it comes to your life."

There's a look of determination across his face now, maybe she helped ease his mind a bit. "And by the way, thanks for being concerned, means a lot."

"You're still going to rest and I'm still not leaving." He informs.

"Dammit."

* * *

There's a knock on the door to Chrissy's bedroom. Bucky's not going to sleep anytime soon, or relax, but that doesn't mean someone should be knocking at this hour. Aggravated, he looks over his shoulder to make sure Chrissy is still asleep. Quietly, the Soldier leaves his spot at the end of the bed.

The door is slowly opening, quickly Bucky presses a hand against it, making sure to halt its progress. "What?" His tone low, dangerous, warning. Steve is standing on the other side of the door.

"Sorry, just wanted to know if she needed anything. She's got to be starving Buck." Steve can see just over the other man's form, the woman is sleeping soundlessly on her side once more. "Did she wake at all?"

Cap's persistent, Bucky will give him that. Without making a sound, Bucky moves himself into the hallway and shuts the door behind him. "Yes. She got cleaned up and then when back to bed. Said she'd wake up if she was hungry." The Soldier remains planted in front of the Captain, no one is going past that door and no one is convincing him of otherwize.

"Do you need a break?" The Captain is trying to help the only way he knows how, Bucky knows this, but he just doesn't feel comfortable leaving her side. "Hungry? Maybe a shower? You could use the one in my room…"

"No." Bucky sighs, this man is really just trying to aid his friend, correction, friends. "Thanks, I'm fine. I've gone longer with less." He shrugs his shoulder. "She'd do the same for any of us." This he knows for a fact.

"That's very true." Rogers smiles fondly and looks down the hallway. Bringing his attention back to his friend, Steve pockets his hands into the front of his jeans. "Did you explain to her what Stevens said?"

A slight nod. "Yeah. And she finally agreed to start taking the meds he left."

"That's good. It'll probably help." Steve's tiptoeing around a subject he wants to talk about, Bucky can tell by his body language. "You know, if you want, I can stay a few more days."

When that shy grin appears on the Captain's face, he's not some super soldier or even an Avenger. He's that punk, scrawny, kid that James had befriended all those years ago. That same punk who's now just trying to help in whatever way he can.

"Steve, I'm fine. Really." Why does it bother him when Rogers gives him that helpless look? Wait, maybe he can give the man a purpose of some sort. Would making him feel useful calm his nerves? "But, I know she'll be starving when she wakes. There's a recipe book, in the kitchen, on top of the fridge. Cinnamon buns, it's her favorite."

"You're asking me to bake?" Steve shakes his head trying not to laugh.

A grin appears, showing some of Bucky's teeth. "She'll love it, trust me."

"Buck, seriously, you really should try and get some rest, at the very least." The Captain suggests. Steve knows his friend hasn't even thought about sleep, but Rogers can tell by looking at the other man that he's exhausted.

Barnes lifts a brow. "I'll be fine."

* * *

That smell, Chrissy would recognize it anywhere. Someone is baking in her kitchen? What time is it? Shifting her weight, she glances at the bedside clock, 3:23 AM. When she tries to pull the blankets up higher around her shoulders, there's resistance, there's weight near the end of the bed.

"Jake…" The woman sighs. Patting the mattress with her hand, Chrissy expects the dog to crawl up closer, but nothing happens, no whine, no movement. What the? Chrissy sits up slightly, her vision trying to adjust to the darkened room. The pounding in her head is not as bad as it once was, but it's still there. Looking down at the floor, she sees the retriever fast asleep.

Pressing up on her elbows, Chrissy spots what's weighing down the bedding. Bucky's passed out, lying on his back, legs crossed and hanging over the bed, his right arm folded over his eyes and forehead. Must of lied back to relax for a minute and that's all she wrote. The sight is pitiful, he looks horribly uncomfortable. Careful, trying not to alarm the Soldier, Chrissy inches her way towards the man and shakes his shoulder lightly.

"Hey...Bucky." She whispers gently. The Soldier groans still groggy from lack of sleep. "Come on, you're exhausted. You can lay down right here." She pats the spot beside her. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths, still half asleep.

"I'm fine." An almost inaudible protest. "Go back to sleep."

"You can't be comfortable there. Either rest here, or go to bed."

Annoyed, but too fatigued to argue, Bucky makes his way up to the spot in the bed and allows himself to collapse onto his stomach. Pillow over his arms, he tries to get comfortable. Rolling her eyes, Chrissy pushes the hair out of his face, making sure he's actually going back to sleep. Right there, he looks peaceful, with the side of his face pressed into the fluffy pillow, the worry lines of his brow smoothed out and relaxed. Not at all like some assassin or tortured soul. Just a tired, normal guy with an advanced prosthetic. She covers his frame with the extra blanket from the end of the bed, knowing how much he hates being cold.

Hoping he'll continue to rest, Chrissy lies back down on her side, facing the man. Now she's able to pull the sheets over her shoulder. Content and comfortable, she shuts her eyes.

* * *

Why do his lungs hurt? Is he being forced underwater, again? The Asset's memory is a bit foggy. How did he end up here? Has he been going through this for a few minutes, hours or maybe days?

The water is filled with chunks of ice that brush up against his skin. No oxygen and freezing, that's why his lungs are burning. Just as he breaks surface to get a breath of air, his head is pushed back under by aggressive hands. Limbs too numb from overexposure to the cold, hypothermia is setting in. As his lungs begin filling with the icy water, he's pulled out of the deep tub and tossed onto a tiled floor. Teeth chattering uncontrollably, shivers overtaking his body, he coughs up the cold liquid. Who knew a set of lungs could hold that much water. Involuntarily he's curling into himself, the only defense mechanism his body has left. Lying on his side, in a puddle of water, slush and ice still clinging to his hair and naked body, the Asset wills himself to live. Why? He doesn't know. Isn't that what you're suppose to do? Live, breathe, survive. Complete the mission.

Someone's talking in a foreign language. Asking him questions. He can't seem to think of the answers. How many times has he been let out of that, tube, that prison? Had he ever had a life beyond that cell? There's a harsh pain in his lower back, right in the kidney, that brings his mind back to the current situation. There it is again, somebody is kicking him. If he wasn't so damn frozen he'd rip that bastards leg clean off. He hears the questions again. Something about lashing out and killing operatives.

Why did he do it?

He can't remember, doesn't care, he can't' answer either. The man of the soon to be missing left leg, makes his way around the Asset and lands a solid heel in the frozen man's jaw, sending blue eyes rolling to the back of his head. Oh how he wants to dismember that one, slowly, painfully.

They're picking him up again, oh no, they're putting him back in that stainless steel tub. There's no strength left in him, not even enough to save his own skin. Somehow, he knows that he's fought back before, but to no avail. So he doesn't even bother to struggle. There's a burning sensation on his skin, as they quickly toss him back into the frigid waters. Then there's a man, in a white coat, short and stubby, asking him again about the dead operatives, people that were supposedly on the same team.

What the hell is this old man going on about? He has no memory on what this doctor is inquiring about. His head is pushed under the water again. The Asset doesn't even bother to hold his breath this time. Eyes open, he sees the blurry light beyond the ripples of the water. If he's lucky enough, he'll drown this time around.

Luck, is not something on his side.

* * *

A few hours go by before the Soldier begins to stir. Bucky wakes up, gasping for air, lungs on fire. Still lying on his stomach, but something feels different, the bed, his body stiffens, where is he? Panicked, his eyes are scanning the room, it's not his, but he knows where he his. At ease, he allows his muscles to relax, he takes a few deep breaths and starts to stretch, when he notices Chrissy pressed up against his side, with his left arm around her midsection.

Uhh, what should he do? Did she place herself there or did he? Doesn't matter, he just needs to not be here, like this, now. This can't be all that bad, can it? Doesn't matter, move. Wide eyed, chewing at his bottom lip to make sure he keeps quiet, Bucky slowly begins to pull his arm away. Jesus, how come she's not suffocating, that part of him is not exactly light. Slowly, Bucky rolls to his side, pulling his arm as he turns. He grins slightly, proud of himself for not waking her.

Just as he pulls his arm away, Chrissy moves and presses her face against his chest. Bucky stares out the window, swearing there's a greater power out there that must hates his guts.

Gimme a break.

What can he do now? Her head is resting at the crook of his right shoulder and on the plains of his chest. His arm's still hanging in midair. Where should he put it? He can't possibly stay like this, can he? No. Rolling his eyes and exhaling Bucky places his metal arm over her...hip? No, too...just no. Ribs, no, too delicate, he'll break those for sure. Jesus. Shoulder, that'll work, sort of. So he awkwardly drapes the metal appendage over her shoulders, she in turn presses further against him. Resting his chin on the crown of her head he sighs again.

Why me?

Three hours of sleep, that's more than enough. He's functioned properly on a lot less. Why the hell did he allow himself to fall asleep in the first place? Well this is what you get when you don't follow through with your original plan. Stay awake, keep vigilant, report anything of significance. Had he still been under Hydra control, the punishment he would receive after a spoiled mission would have been severe.

But he's not within their grasps or on a mission, and he's not under their influence anymore either, Bucky reminds himself. He's no one's weapon. Bucky settles in the mattress a little more. There won't be any repercussions here, not with these people. His friends. That's what they are after all, right? He's protecting and keeping watch over someone that actually means something to him. That's all and that's not wrong. These are things that he still needs to learn to get use to. Here he's safe, cared for, he'd go as far as saying he might even be needed.

So now begins the task of staying awake. Comfortable, warm and safe. God he feels so awkward. Affection even unintentionally, still a foreign thing to him. Is he hugging too tightly? Is this considered inappropriate? He's hugged Chrissy before, but this feels different. He's lying in her bed. Bucky's not an idiot he knows what this could look like to the wrong person. Should of stayed on the chair, dumbass. All this Soldier wanted to do was keep his promise and watch over her. That's it.

Then again, there's _that_ need. Human contact. Closeness. It's nice, he admits. She's not afraid of him, of what he could do. Even subconsciously, she's at ease with him. Relax, Bucky reminds himself. When's the last time he held someone like this? Was trusted in such a way?

Just as he's trying to associate this situation with memories from his past. There's a knock at the door. Damn. Bucky knows that it's Steve on the other side, just by the way the shadow moves anxiously at the bottom of the door. He knows that in just a few seconds that door will open and there's no way for him to stop it without waking his sleeping friend.

The door opens, and Steve peeks his head into the room. "Buck?" He whispers in the other man's direction. Oh wow, the Captain can tell that the other Soldier feels out of place.

Bucky lifts his brow in Rogers direction, a 'help me' look spreading across his face. The Captain almost laughs. The big bad Winter Soldier looks helpless and lost. Steve knows what this could appear to be to anyone else, but he also knows this woman. She's fallen asleep against him and anyone else she's comfortable with countless times. Watching movies, drinking, whatever. He admits, none of those times looked like this. He can kind of understand why his buddy might feel a little overcumberred.

'Wake her.' Steve mouths from the doorway. He receives a stern glare from the other Soldier. Then what the hell was he suppose to do? Snickering, Rogers decides to disobey Bucky's warning gaze.

"Chris." Steve clasps her calf and shakes her lightly. "Come on woman. Rise and shine." When she inhales deeply and starts to move, Steve takes that as his cue to leave, hiding a grin as he shuts the door.

Punk. Bucky shakes his head at the Captain's retreating form. As if Steve just left him here. Traitor. What the hell was he going to say to her about...this?

"Morning." She pulls away from him a bit and smiles warmly. "Sleep alright?"

"Ah. Fine." Why isn't she moving? Does their current proximity not bother her?

"Me too. But now, I'm starving. I'm gonna shower. Meet me downstairs?" Chrissy knows what his answer will be.

"I can wait." She's not questioning their current state. Why?

"Ok. But you'll eat afterwards as well, right?"

"Yeah."

Satisfied with his answer, Chrissy swings her legs over the bed and makes her way to the bathroom. Bucky concludes that the woman is either alright with the way they were arranged, or she was just trying to avoid making him feel embarrassed. Either way, he appreciates how she handles it.


	6. Chapter 6 : Rested

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N : Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my minds eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Also, I want to thank you all for the likes and wonderful comments, I can’t believe how much attention my silly little fic is getting.
> 
> A big thank-you to another author, Amethystflame, my biggest supporter and friend. Without you, I wouldn’t have posted this fic. (btw, want something really great to read I highly suggest her fic Broken Chances)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer : Chrissy and the story is mine, that’s it.

** Chapter 6: Rested **

The entire day passes without incident. No migraines or dizzy spells and definitely no fatigue. A little weak from lack of nutrition, but that’s easily remedied. Clint spent most of the day making a large batch of chicken soup, which helps Chrissy’s regain most of her strength. He also takes it upon himself to make sure Chrissy gets plenty of liquids and that she never strays too far from the living room. 

“Here, Rogers made these this morning.” A plate with a large cinnamon bun on it is presented before her, which she accepts eagerly.

“I remember smelling these around three in the morning.” A smile tugs at her lips as she licks the icing off her thumb. “I can’t believe that he was actually baking at that hour.” 

“What I wouldn’t give to have pictures of that. Can you imagine? Captain America, full apron, trying to figure out the secret to baking.” Clint snickers as he takes a seat beside the woman on the sofa.

Chrissy takes a bite and her eyes light up. “Oh God. This is so good.” 

Every time she takes a mouthful of that warm pastry, it reminds her of simpler times. Her auntie Nadia, this was her recipe. When Chrissy was a little girl all the way into her teens, aunt Nadia would make these just for her. Relishing in the childhood memories this sticky treat brings back, Chrissy can feel warmth spreading through her core.

Hawkeye grins in her direction, content to see his friend feeling better. “Well you have enough to last a few weeks. I think he might have went a little overboard.”

“I don’t have any issues with that whatsoever.” Chrissy continues eating her fluffy pastry. “Where did Steve and Bucky go jogging?” 

“Down the back trails.” Barton leans back into the cushions on the couch. “I know Barnes brought the C14 with him. Probably making sure it’s sighted properly.” 

Chrissy places the now empty plate on the coffee table. “So Tony’s still tinkering?”

“You know it.” Rubbing his hands together, Clint slide glances in her direction. “You know...that you gave us all a pretty good scare, right?”

A slight nod, one part shame, one part regret. Chrissy brings her knees up to her chest and folds her arms over them. “Yeah, I’m really sorry about that.”

“Not your fault Kiddo.” He nudges her shoulder. “But out of all us here, Barnes was shitting himself the most. You and Rogers are the closest thing that guy has to family. Even though he’s only been here a few months.” 

Clint thinks back to when his mind had been controlled by Loki, that Son of a… “Being in Hydra’s clutches for years, only knowing and living that kind of... life. Having God only knows what done to him. Then, to be given this.” Barton’s eyes roam around the room. “To be treated like a human being and given another chance, trust me...he had to have been terrified. He hid it well, but I could tell.”

“Speaking from experience. I know how much both you and what you do means to people like us, that’s something I can’t even put into words. So when you...” Voice shaky, Clint takes a deep breath. The image of Chrissy passed out in Starks arms, still hauntingly real. “You’re family Chris. To see you like that. I know what Barnes was probably thinking.” 

A sad smile appears across his face. “Where would he go if something happens to you? Who would be able to have the time and patience that you do to help him? Not many. You know it, and so does he. This is the closest thing to home that he’s able to remember.”

In reality, Barton’s not trying to make Chrissy feel bad, just trying to get her to understand that she too is important, with a role to play in life. “Sure he has Rogers, but here...he’s grounded, he’s valued. Not some expendable weapon that can be discarded at any moment's notice.” Clint rubs his hands together, this conversation reminding him of how he felt in the past. The Avengers had brought him here as well, after everything that had happened a few years back. Fucken’ Loki. Chrissy was just as patient and just as caring with him when he had been recovering. Guilt and shame over everything that he had done, was forced to do, had become more than Clint could bare. 

Coming here saved his life. 

“Other than Cap, you’re the first individual to treat him like a person, not a problem.”

Chrissy’s taking in every word this man has to say. She knows it’s true. Almost anyone who’s ever walked through that front door, has either left here with a new sense of self worth and pride, or has left with the abilities to cope well enough to be able to function on their own and live a life. Time, patience. A caring environment and companionship. All anyone could ever ask for.

Clint pulls the small woman close and places a light kiss on the top of her head. “Had Barnes not have been staying here when we leave, I would be. You know that right?”

She nods, her face pressed against his shoulder. “Thanks, Clint.” She’s loved, something Chrissy’s always felt with these people, her odd little family. “I promise, I’ll take better care of myself and I’ll follow up with Stevens.”

“Good, because I’m getting too old for this shit. You’re gonna give this old man an Aneurysm.” He picks up the plate and brings it to the kitchen. “Do you think you’ll be alright, with just you and Barnes? Because, if you need me to, I’ll stay.”

His way of politely asking if she’ll be able to handle getting better, while trying to help a mentally unstable assassin. Right now, Clint’s giving her the option to ask for extra assistance. He knows how strong this woman’s resolve is, but if Chrissy needs help, she better be able to admit it. Besides, out of everyone here, Barton might be able to relate to what Barnes is feeling and going through the most.

Chrissy takes a moment to think on the subject. Really, she thinks they’ll be just fine, might hit a few road blocks, but nothing she won’t be able to handle. Bucky’s progress is slow, but it’s there. Also, he’s been handling most of the chores around the farm, so it’s not like there’s much for her to stress about in that area. “Really, Clint. I’m good. Promise.”

* * *

Damn, does this rifle ever shoots true. Bucky pulls the bolt back and lines up another shot. One blue-eye peering through the scope. Unaccustomed to using a weapon that once belonged to someone else, but it does have that weird feeling, like it was made just for him. The way it rests comfortably against his shoulder as he lies still, belly flat against the long grass and earth. This contraption of plastic, wood and metal, it was used to kill people, just like he was. 

No more. Either of them. They don’t do that anymore. 

_Then what are they good for?_

The Soldier takes a deep breath to steady his aim, something so second nature now, Bucky barely even notices that he does it. A routine. Actually, he finds this a bit disturbing. Really, he shouldn’t be this proficient at something so horrible. Focusing his gaze through the sights once again, like it was a third eye, normal. Accept nothing about this is normal. He’s too at ease with all of this. Without even thinking, the index finger that’s resting on the trigger, squeezes, the noise is muffled by the silencer at the end of the barrel. The recoil, is barely noticed, thanks to Connor’s alterations. Bucky can see the small crabapple that he had set up as a target, explode. A perfect shot, was there ever a doubt. The bolt is pulled back, the shell falls out. Another shot is lined up and fired.

Hunting, he could technically do that, keep his training up to par. The bolt is pulled back, another casing falls to the ground. But what could he use _this_ for? Blue eyes study the weapon within his grasp. Just a hobby? He’s chewing at his inner lip. The Soldier in him refuses to discard this firearm, it was built to protect, although versions of it have been used to do just the opposite of that.

It needs a purpose, he needs a purpose.

“You’ve always been an excellent shot.” Steve’s lying on his stomach in the grass next to his friend, a set of binoculars in hand. “That’s not something that they had to put in your head.” Rogers can tell what kind of thoughts are probably racing through the other man’s mind. “There’s a bunch of things you’ve always been great at… even before they got their hands on you.”

Intrigued, Bucky tilts his head to the side, stuck halfway between curious and not wanting to know.

“Honestly, I think that’s why they wanted you to begin with. You were and still are a natural when it comes to these things.” Steve motions with his chin to the disintegrated apples. “And more.”

“I’m not sure if that’s entirely a good thing…” Bucky’s not exactly doing back flips knowing this information. 

“Alright, so you’re a sharpshooter, always have been, that’s no surprise.” The Captain shrugs his shoulders. “You’ve always excelled in hand to hand, and weapons training. You’re a soldier. Always have been at heart. You’re quick to learn anything you set your mind to.” Steve can see that his comrade is not thrilled to hear any of these things. He’s describing the perfect weapon, a killer. 

“But there are a few things they never anticipated on...” Steve offers a friendly smile. “You’ve always been strong willed and determined, and something in you remembered that. Remembered the guy you were. That’s something they couldn’t get out of your system. For them to have had to wipe the slate clean as many times as they did...that means your mind fought back. You fought back. Every time. You might not remember being James, but you’re still my friend and I saw you fight back.”

The Captain must have lost his sanity. Steve can’t possibly know what he’s getting himself into. “Sure, maybe.” A snide remark. “But what if...what if somehow I end up going off the deep end again and wind up too far gone, for good? Or if my mind stays fragmented, forever?” His own greatest fears. 

“Then I guess I’ll just have to drag you back here and help you piece it all back together. One memory at a time. I won’t give up on you. In it for the long haul, pal.” A warm friendly grin

Bucky can see something there, a spark of life in the other man’s eyes. Hope? Trust? An image of a scrawny young man, carrying that same smile replays in his thoughts.

_Till the end of the line._ A familiar saying echos in the back of the Soldier’s mind. The memory tugs gently at a spot in his chest. A young blonde kid. _Weren’t you smaller?_

He nods, in the Captain's direction. The other man’s words are appreciated. Maybe, Bucky’s not the only one trying to find where he fits in this changed world. Steve died one day, woke up 70 years later. No chance to adjust. Everything and everyone either gone or changed almost overnight.

The Winter Soldier had been thawed out and then frozen again. How many times? Bucky can’t remember. For how long at a time, days, months, years? Another memory that’s also lost to him. Add it to the growing list. However, he did get to see the world as it changed, somewhat. The training that was provided, the updates and intel, all things to help him adjust to the changes. Advancement in military, science and technology. All handed to him each time. To make him the perfect obedient soldier, the perfect Asset. The Fist of Hydra. 

For Rogers, Bucky is the last link to a life before all of this madness. For Barnes, Steve is the one thing that reminds him of the person he used to be, could be. He doesn’t want to continue to be a shadow of his former self. Bucky just wants to be alright in his skin. Somehow, this Soldier knows he’ll never fully ever become James Barnes again, but with the support of an old friend, someone who he looks up to, aspires to follow as an example. Just maybe, he’ll be alright. 

This is who he is now, and that’s fine. Bucky picks up the empty shell casings as well as the rifle and stands. Like him, the outside appearance of this firearm can be changed, but it’s still a weapon. One that can be used for good, although the means to go about that may be messy. So he’ll continue to train and remain prepared. It’s one sure way he’ll be able to help.

This Soldier has the stomach and the know how for the dirty work. He’s always been the ‘clean up’ crew for when something went down the shitter. Maybe he really can assist the Avengers. If that means doing the stuff that will get his hands dirty, the jobs that remain unspoken about, hidden in top secret folders, all so that Captain America’s reputation stays clean. He’s the real Hero after all. So be it.

Justice, peace, salute. A flag. A symbol. One that needs to be kept neat and tidy to keep order.

Bucky traces a delicate hand over the C14. He may be disgusted at how at home something so destructive feels in his hand, but maybe it’s what he was meant to do all this time. A calling of sorts. Now, there’s a cause worth fighting for. One that he chooses. Where the innocents are spared and the culprits face justice, one way or another.

As soon as his mind is healed, and only then.

For now, Bucky will train and prepare.

* * *

Bizarre. That’s a good word for it. The feeling Chrissy gets when she’s told not to do something or to sit down and relax. It’s a strange sensation. Chrissy feels out of place and a bit useless, but if it keeps everyone around her at ease, then she’ll just have to suck it up. Her eyes follow the men in her kitchen and home as they finish up with the evening chores. This is weird. Period.

“Clint’s starting a fire. And I know you’re just dying to get out of the house. I okayed it with the boss.” Tony winks in Chrissy’s direction, offering his arm. “Come on, let’s get you some fresh air.” Accepting his proposition with a generous smile, Chrissy loops her arm in Starks. 

Oh man, nothing can beat that smell. Fresh air coming in from off the lake, the aroma of the fire as it sparks to life. Chrissy takes in a deep breath, satisfied. The two friends make their way down the stairs and take a seat on the bench. “Thanks Tony.” She squeezes his arm, knowing how much fun it must have been for him to convince Bucky to let her out of his sight.

“No problem.” A quirk of a smile. “You know we are leaving in two days, right?”

“Yeah.” She’s a bit saddened, but knows they’ll visit again, they always do.

“Hey. We’ll be back in October. Still having your usual fall bash right?” This is something Tony knows will brighten her spirits. Every year, same time, same place. Chrissy throws a giant party for any and all of the agents and Avengers who wish to attend. 

“Always.” She knows how much they all enjoy the downtime, especially Tony. 

He rolls his shoulders, uneasy. “Chris...I’ve been wanting to discuss something with you. About Barnes.” He can see Chrissy and Clint peering at him. “No, it’s nothing…” He snickers. “I have an idea. Well it’s more than that...Anyways, I think I might be able to help neutralize the thing that sets him off.”

“Really? How?” Barton is intrigued, but he knows that something like that may come at a price.

“Something I’ve been working on for a few years anyways...well now it kind of just gives me a reason to kick it into high gear. Thing is, with the way his mind is now, I’m worried it might cause further damage or it might wipe some recovered memories clean.” Tony sighs. He wants to help the poor guy, but not at the expense of making him worse.

“Jesus.” Hawkeye takes a seat and shakes his head sharply. “I get what you’re trying to do...but…”

Tony raises his hands, he understands the risks. “I know. I know. That’s why I’m going to perfect it first. But it’s something right? In the end, it would be his decision.”

“It would be.” Chrissy agrees. Hope and apprehension forming a weird mixture in the depths of her gut. “You need to mention it to him and Steve. This is your project, but if Bucky doesn’t agree with it, then it’s not really worth continuing with.”

“Yeah…” Tony rubs his chin. He’ll finish the experiment regardless and they all know it.

“But you’re right. It’s something. A step in the right direction maybe.” Chrissy’s eyes focus on the dancing flames before them. The fear of losing all of their current progress, for Bucky to fall back into the role of the Winter Soldier, has her blood run cold.

The rest of the night is crisp but enjoyable. They all sit by the fire, joking and sharing humorous stories once again. Every so often, Tony nudges Chrissy, giving her that ‘you good?’ look, to which she nods with a simple satisfied smile. 

As soon as she starts to feel the effects of exhaustion, Chrissy decides to call it a night. She made a promise and she’s going to keep it. Bucky wipes the palms of his hands on his thighs, ready to escort the woman inside. Stark raises a hand in his direction.

“I’ll make sure she gets to her room big guy. Chill.” Tony grasps her elbow as his steps match hers. The blue eyes of the Soldier never leaving their forms as they make their way into the home.

Steve almost laughs at how defensive his friend gets. “Tony’s got her, Buck. He won’t leave her side until she falls asleep.”

“Ease up.” Clint, who’s sitting in the chair next to Bucky, pats the man on the back. “He’s Iron man.”

Relax, Bucky reminds himself. She’s amongst friends. Safe. He lets out a quiet breath.

Clint brings out a case of Sleeman, more for his benefit than anyone else’s. Out of the three of them at the fire, he’s the only one that will actually get to enjoy a buzz. Steve’s delighted to see that when he recounts a few tales from their youth, that something seems to flicker in his friend’s eyes, remembrance. To both their surprise, Bucky’s able to fill in a few gaps that Steve purposely leaves in his storytelling. 

Looking up at the sky after laughing whole heartedly, Bucky can feel it, something’s there trying to resurface in his mind. Not dwelling on it, the Soldier licks his lips and brings his attention back to the men around him.

“That’s it for me.” Clint places the empty bottle back into the case. “I’ll see you fellahs in the morning.” He nods in their direction and heads inside.

“You can trust them.” The Captain points with his thumb over his shoulder. “I know that’s something hard for you to do right now, but I want you to know that I trust them with my life.”

Bucky nods, acknowledging but not agreeing with the other Soldier. “It’s not that I don’t want to…”

“Hey, that’s understandable.” A half grin appears on the Captain’s face. “No one is rushing you to do anything. I just wanted you to hear it from me, that they have my vouch.” Steve can see his friend’s eyes drift to Chrissy’s bedroom windows. “She’s safe with him. Promise.”

“I know.” Then why is he so damn jumpy? Bucky dips his head, staring at the bottle between his hands. Unfamiliar territory, people and how they don’t all pose a threat. 

“Well it’s been a few hours. If it makes you feel more at ease, go check on her. Tony’s probably passed out in the chair. Kick him out of there.” Steve laughs while finishing his beer.

Recognizing that he’s being paranoid, but unable to ward off that part of him just yet, Bucky’s eyes drift back to her window and then to Rogers. With a curt nod, Barnes places the empty into the case and heads inside. Once upstairs, he makes his way down the hall. Hearing the calm breathing coming from Chrissy’s room, Bucky calculates that they are both sleeping. Quietly, he pushes the door open and comes to stand next to Tony, who is in fact asleep in the large sofa chair.

Steve must know this man fairly well to have predicted that this is what he’d be doing. Stark’s mumbling something about cheeseburgers at this point. Rolling his eyes, Bucky taps the other man’s shin with his foot. Startled, Stark almost bolts from his chair. Calmly, the Soldier rests a hand on the other man’s shoulder. Tony blinks a few times and looks up to see Barnes who’s motioning with his finger against his lips for Stark to be quiet, than he points to Chrissy, curled up and sleeping.

Tony rubs his hands over his face, stretches and curses under his breath when he almost trips over Jake as he leaves the room. Bucky shakes his head, amazed at the fact that this is Iron Man. Soundlessly, the Soldier removes his jacket, places it on the back of the chair and takes a seat. Really there’s no need for him to be here, Chrissy had agreed to take her medication and start looking after herself. Bucky debates just crawling into his own bed, this causes a feeling of panic to rise in his chest. No, he’ll stay right here, in this spot. Stifling a yawn with a metal fist, Bucky adjusts his posture, he can sleep right here, no big deal.

There’s something warm in his lap, the Soldier looks down and sees the retriever resting it’s head against his thigh. Yawning again, he pets the dog and the animal lets out a puff of air. ‘Good boy’ he mouths in the darkness, Bucky can feel the movement in the air caused by the dog’s wagging tail. 

Chrissy groans as she rolls over, which causes Bucky to bring his focus onto her small silhouette. “Tony?” Her eyesight in the dark is horrible, he concludes. 

“Nope.” He corrects.

“Bucky? Did Tony finally go to bed?” She reaches for the bottle of water on the end table.

“Yeah.” Bucky continues to pet the canine while watching his friend’s movements. “Want one of your pain meds?”

“That’d be great.” She’s admitting discomfort, that is rare on it’s own. Bucky twists in his chair and produces the small container from his coat pocket. 

“Here.” Sitting on the side of the bed, he places one capsule in her shaky hand. Chrissy swallows the medication and gets comfortable once more.

“Thanks. You should get some rest. I’ll be fine. Go to bed.” Her eyes feel so heavy. 

“I’m not tired.” The Soldier drags his tongue over his teeth, his eyes now absently staring out the window.

“You’re shit at lying.” 

There’s a tug at his sleeve, Chrissy’s pulling him down and making room for him in the bed. “Come on.” Knowing full well that he’s too paranoid to leave her alone and won’t sleep if he sits in that chair, this is the only solution her foggy brain can come up with. 

“I’m fine…” The darkness prevents her from seeing his face, but she tell by his groggy voice that he’s exhausted as well.

Now Chrissy understands how Bucky must feel when she annoys him with her sour moods. “Just be quiet and lie down. I’m not going to bite you. We both know that you won't be leaving anytime soon and you won’t sleep if you stay in that chair. This way here you can do both. I’m too tired to have a debate with you...so just...shhh.” 

Exhaling loudly, Bucky decides to comply. He’s good at that after all. Laying down on his back, he swallows a nervous lump in his throat. What the hell, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Chrissy drapes an arm over his abdomen and rests her head on his chest. Well, there’s that. The Soldier clears his throat. Companionship is still an area he's a bit inexperienced with these days.

“Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” 

He knows Chrissy would never take offence if he said, yes, very much so, please move. Thing is, he’s fine with this. It’s just, new. She’s not making him feel awkward or anything that would be inappropriate. In fact it’s the exact opposite. Peace, content, even in some odd way, comfort. For someone to be in their most vulnerable state with the Winter Soldier literally in their bed, makes him feel trusted and relied on. Someone else might look in on this and see a physical thing, but to him it’s not that at all, and maybe that’s what makes him feel so exposed and raw. 

“No. Just not used to being...touched much.” The way his voice cracks and he tries to cover it with a cough, has Chrissy squeeze his sides a bit harder. How could this not have been something to cross her mind before? 

Usually when someone had him in a state of vulnerability, he would be violated. Naked, cut, stitched, broken, opened, stabbed. Bleeding, whimpering, trembling. Washed, wiped, repeat. Every time. And not one person in that room had any concern for the panic that had been flowing through his veins or a had cared for his well being. If the Asset would have died, it would have inconvenienced them, but he would have been replaced. If he suffered from humiliation or degradation, it would have only been used to their advantage. Human hands against his skin wasn’t exactly a trip to Disneyland. Torture and pain, Bucky was used to. He had not been considered something of value to them. Only a tool, a means to an end.

To have someone place their hands on him without a malicious intent, is foreign. Her touch is gentle and caring and that's scary and overwhelming, because it's not causing him to suffer, and it's sad that pain and torture has become his normal. Bucky’s heart thumps with anxiety and he's far too aware that she can feel and hear it.

“I won’t ever hurt you. You’ll always be safe and welcomed here.” Chrissy places his hand on her shoulder and traces soothing circles with her thumb. Flesh against metal. Small form of human contact, why didn’t she think of this before? Should've eased him more into the whole human companionship thing a little sooner. Stupid head injury, making her thought process crap.

His chest rises and falls repeatedly as he takes in a few deep breaths, half terrified and half relaxed. He’s trying to force himself to believe her words. Not every person has an agenda. Breathe. It’s not the first time Chrissy’s had physical contact with him. She’s never been one to shy away from him or anyone else for that matter. Maybe he’s starting to get used to it, and maybe that’s what’s most disturbing about the entire thing.

“If I ever do something to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, you need tell me, ok?” She’s about to roll over to face the opposite direction, when Bucky’s hand tightens on her shoulder. 

“Alright. I won’t move, but please try to get some sleep.” The poor soul, he’s desperately trying figure out how to handle human contact and affection. “If you want me to move or not to touch you. You have the right to say so.” Something you'd tell a child. Your body is yours and no one should touch it without your permission. It's sad that this is common sense that's been stripped away from him. A victim. Innocent. 

“It's...nice.” A shy confession, his eyes watch as mechanical fingers experimentally lace between hers. Chrissy's thumb instinctively begins to rub the back of his metallic hand. “I forgot... that it could be nice.” The scars on his body remind him of different times, that weren't innocent or gentle. Invasive, uninvited, unwanted, painful, but that hadn't mattered. He had been forced to obey, endure and become numb to it all. A tear leaves his eye, that she'll never know about. Too proud, too damaged.

After living so long without any display of kindness or tenderness, Bucky’s having a hard time not letting himself soak up any amount of affection offered. The small hand resting on his rib cage grips his shirt tighter. Chrissy must sense the inner turmoil. “What they did to you... It was horrible and inhumane. I'm sorry you had to suffer through that. Steve won't ever let that happen again. You have to believe that, alright?”

The Soldier is unsure how to respond. So he was correct, what those scientists and doctors did to him, it wasn't right. Why did he think it had been something he deserved? The only thing he can think of is to hug her frame a little tighter. In reality he's not sure anyone can keep him from Hydra’s clutches. If they really want their property back, they'll find him. Although Bucky knows better. He's a relic from a time where science and technology was in an infant stage for these vile people. They more than likely already have plans drawn up for a newer model. If they don't have one made already.

With the woman who's resting against his body finally fast asleep, Bucky shuts his eyes, his right hand resting on her forearm, thumb softly tracing her skin. She’s kind, warm and soft, and doesn't wish to cause him harm, which is reassuring, but it's something deep down he already knew. Muscles relaxing, desperate for a good night's sleep, he wills himself to dream of anything that doesn't involve violence or torture. 

Just this once, please.

* * *

Not one bit surprised when Bucky doesn't return, Steve puts out the fire and turns off all the lights in the house. He’s drained, for the first time since being here, the Captain can feel it in his bones. However, he won’t be able to sleep until he checks in on Chrissy. The door at the end of the hallway is cracked open, like it always is. 

Quietly, Rogers peers inside the room, a small smile on his lips when he sees his two friends. It’s a lighthearted scene, Bucky’s actually sound asleep. He’s not the big bad wolf he wants everyone to think he is. A metal arm wrapped around the shoulders of the small woman by his side. Bucky could easily harm or eradicate this woman, but here he is taking care of another human being. Whether he knows it or not, Bucky is capable of feeling and caring. It just might not be obvious to him as of yet.

This is a sign of a healing mind and soul, and it has Steve’s heart filled with even more hope. Bucky’s starting to trust himself enough to be unguarded around someone for once. This is great progress, but Rogers will make sure to keep it to himself for now.

* * *

7:03 A.M is displayed on the clock, Chrissy’s amazed that the house still sounds quiet. Long, deep breaths and a steady heart beat beneath her ear. Oh yeah. Bucky slept in her room, correction, bed, again. The weight of his arm keeping her firmly in place, if she moves she’ll either wake or startle him. For once, Bucky seems to be sleeping so well, so peacefully. Chrissy can’t possibly take that away from him. She’ll have to wait until he moves or wakes up. She sighs quietly. He smells like campfire and outdoors, and that’s not an issue in her books. No longer tired, Chrissy doesn’t even bother trying to go back to sleep, she settles instead for gently playing with a button on his shirt.

The muscles of Bucky’s body tense up for a minute, so Chrissy chances rubbing his right forearm that's resting on his stomach. The Soldier shifts slightly and his frame relaxes once more. Chrissy lets go of a breath she didn't know she was holding. What would happen if he woke alarmed or in a confused state of mind?

There’s movement down the hallway, Jake pads lightly to greet whoever it is making their way towards the room. The door is pushed open, Tony winces in the morning sunlight, searching for his friend’s form. Chrissy can tell by his facial expressions that he’s not at all pleased with what he finds. A mixture of surprise and annoyance, and then a scowl, that’s what she receives. Tony’s eyes narrow as he continues to stare, his bottom lip twisting with irritation. 

Chrissy makes a ‘zip it’ motion with her fingers across her mouth, her warning. Offended, Tony points to himself. ‘Me?’ Who is she kidding, he’d never purposely wake a man who’s on the brink of a mental collapse, not to mention, an assassin. Yeah, not on his to do list for today. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t plan on having an in depth conversation about this later. 

Jake lets out a low whine. Stark pats his thigh and opens the door a little more, allowing for the canine to follow him out. His eyes drift from Barnes, then back to Chris. He doesn’t like this one bit. She has a brow raised in his direction and then her eyes land on Bucky’s arm. Stark gets it, she doesn’t want to wake the sleeping Soldier. Could have been avoided if the guy wasn’t sleeping in her bed to begin with. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, he shuts the door lightly and heads down the hall, unimpressed.

7:30 A.M, alright he’s really not waking up anytime soon. Trying to judge how much she can get away with without waking him, Chrissy places a hand on his metal forearm. She tries to budge his hand, that effort goes in vain. Alright, so she tries rolling to face the opposite direction, that works. Only Bucky rolls with her, wrapping his right arm around her waist and pressing his face into her neck and hair. Damn. Wait, this arm, she can move. Biting her lip, Chrissy gently lifts and places his arm onto the bed. Quickly, she changes in the bathroom and brushes her teeth. 

When she exits her washroom, Bucky’s still lying on his side, asleep. Happy to see him resting, she leaves the room and heads to the kitchen. She knows these guys could probably use a Chrissy style breakfast, and Tony’s in a ‘I’m going to lecture you’ mood, so she better make sure to start on some pies as well. 

Halfway through making breakfast, the Iron man makes his way into the kitchen. The aroma of coffee and early morning food is too enticing. “I’m going to miss these breakfasts.” He steals a piece of bacon and pours himself a cup of coffee. 

“Get it out of your system Tony.” Chrissy chides. He tries to act as though he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “Oh come on. I know you’re just dying to give me a lecture.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just wanted a nice cup of java.” Another piece a bacon is stolen and this time she catches the theft, earning him a slap on the back his hand. Stark smirks, and grabs another piece. “You’re a grown woman. I’m sure you understand the repercussions of allowing a man like _that_ in your bed.”

“He wasn’t _in_ my bed, Tony.” Chrissy knows the point he’s trying to drive home, but he’s beating around the bush about it.

“Sure he was, still is. Saw it with my own eyes.” Tony leans against the counter and sips at his coffee.

Chrissy rolls up her sleeves and places her hands on her hips. “Stop. You know why he was there. And you of all people should know it wasn’t like _that_.” Chrissy takes his coffee, places it on the table and then takes his hands in hers. Tony’s trying to avoid her gaze. “Look, you’re being protective. That’s sweet, and I love you for it. But come on, you know me.”

To this day, Chrissy still has recurring nightmares about the night of the car accident, and Tony knows this. For him to think that something, like what’s running wild in his imagination is going on, is a bit insulting.

Tony’s dragging his tongue along the inside of his mouth. He shakes his head. “I worry about you. And as much as you won’t admit it…” He sighs, smirking. “You care and trust people too easily. Always have.”

“Well, you’re too quick to judge and categorize people right away.” Chrissy is thankful for this man, her friend, but he really needs to chill out a bit. “I appreciate the concern, I really do. But Tony, you need to remember, I deal with this kind of stuff on a regular basis. I’ve seen and helped all kinds.”

Nervous laughters. “Yeah, but this is the first time I’ve seen you let someone sleep with...in your bed.” He clears his throat. “I get it. You’ve always been touchy feely. Case and point.” He lifts their entwined hands. “But Chris, come on…”

“Everyone is different. This is the first time Bucky has slept all the way through the night, and is still sleeping. He’s usually tossing and turning or screaming in his sleep and then up before the sun. I know, because I can hear him from down the hall.” Chrissy’s fingers squeeze Tony’s. “Bucky was going to stay up all night, again, to keep watch over me. In his own way, he was taking care of me, the only way he could think of. It’s only decent if I returned the favor by making sure he got some rest. I’m sorry if it looked like more than that to you, but I assure you it wasn’t.”

Stark’s not convinced. “What if it ever develops into something else, something more. For either or both of you? Or he flips out and I don’t know...kills you in your sleep.”

“Tony, really. Enough. We can’t treat him like a loaded gun forever. And you’re looking far too much into this. You better not say a word to him, understand me?” She’s serious, that’s not something that happens often, so he knows to keep his mouth shut. 

“Fine. You know I’ll be the first one to say I told you so, right?” Another piece of bacon is stolen.

* * *

“I know I don’t have the right to...but I need to ask a favor…” Bucky taps the punching bag lightly as he makes his way past Stark. He might not have the other man’s IQ, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out when someone’s not your biggest fan.

Intrigued, Tony puts his current program on hold, crosses his arms and swivels his chair to face the Soldier. “You’re right. You don’t...but I’ll hear you out anyways.” Tony’s being cocky, pushing his luck, but he doesn’t care. He’s not in the mood to be subtle.

Bucky grins, not bothered by the other man’s attitude one bit. He’s aware why Stark’s disposition towards him might be a bit foul today. “Well, it’s nothing for me. If that helps.” He pockets his hands and takes a few steps closer, head dipping down, embarrassed. “I know what I am.”

“And what’s that?” Tony knows that Barnes is trying to go somewhere with this conversation, but at the moment, he really doesn’t care. This man is currently on his naughty list and he just wants the Soldier to be nowhere near him right now.

“Dangerous.” Bucky admits, his eyes looking up at the Iron man from under a worried brow. “Unstable.”

Tony exhales slowly, hands gripping his knees. “You’re not wrong.” He rubs a hand over his jaw, maybe he needs to cut this guy a bit of slack. Well, not all at once. “So what do you need?”

“I’m not sure.” Bucky smirks seeing Stark raise a brow. “Well...I don’t even know if you can do anything.”

“I’ll need a little more than that to go on, big guy.” Tony leans back in the chair. “How about you tell me what you got on your mind, and we go from there. Does that sound reasonable?” A compromise? Even Stark’s surprised by this offer.

Barnes nods. “Sure.” He takes few more steps closer, allowing him to speak in a lower voice. “I’m worried...that if the Winter Soldier resurfaces…” His gaze lands on the sight of the house just outside the workshop’s front doors. “Or what if something else happens...where help is needed…”

Tony’s eyes follow the other man’s line of sight to the home. Licking his lips, Stark leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Do you want me to come up with a device that would allow her to send a distress signal of some kind?”

“Maybe.” The Soldier processes this idea for a moment. “Something that she can keep on her person at all times.” Bucky chews at the inside of his cheek, trying to think of anything else. “Is there maybe a way to have it send out some sort of pulse or wave that would be strong enough to knock me out?” As much as it saddens him to admit, Bucky knows when it comes down to it, if he were to lose control, Chrissy would be defenseless against him.

Stark rotates his chair and pulls up a different program. He’s jotting notes in midair on his holographic screen. “Well, I might be able to work that in. The problem is that if she did have to use it...you might be laid out for a day, maybe two.”

“Fine. That’s not important, probably better that way.” The Soldier clears his throat. “I don’t want anyone else knowing about this. Just you, Steve and Chrissy.”

“I can make it so that Cap and I both receive a notification, an alarm if it gets activated.” Tony whirls back around quickly. “Now that we’re such good friends.” The Iron man takes a drink of his coffee. “I want to give you the chance to enlighten me on something...”

Bucky knows where this is heading. Stark had been avoiding him all day, the only reasonable explanation was that Bucky had done something to aggravate him. The only thing he can think of, is Tony must of seen him in Chrissy’s room at some point. 

“She gave me an ultimatum. Either lie down with her there and get some rest, or leave for my own room, where I couldn’t keep an eye on her.” That sounds like a sufficient enough explanation to his own ears. “I wasn’t about to leave her alone...but I would never…” He can’t even verbalize the words, the thought of taking advantage of her, it’s just so crude. Grinding his teeth together, Bucky brings his attention back to the man before him. Someone who cares deeply for the woman who has become important to Bucky as well. 

“I believe you.” Stark sees something there, there truth. He grasps the other man’s shoulder. Tony knows how Chrissy is, how stubborn she can be. He can also see, that this Soldier has come to care for Chris as well. Barnes would never intentionally hurt her, that Tony’s sure of. Why else would he be here, asking for a favor. “I think you can appreciate that I’m concerned for her. Her well being. I worry over her, just like Steve does with you. That’s all, it’s nothing personal.”

Bucky nods. “That’ smart. I’m not safe to be around.” He shrugs his shoulders, unashamed to state the obvious. “At least you have the common sense to recognize it.”

“Alright. So I was going to give you a new branding.” Stark points to Barnes’s left shoulder. “But I’ll work on this little project instead. We can give you a new tattoo the next time I come up here. Deal?” Stark has his hand out. He’s not just striking a deal, it’s a sign of respect and a mutual agreement. Tony still doesn't trust this guy just yet and he's pretty sure the feeling is mutual, that aside they need to have some sort of understanding.

“Deal.” Bucky understands what it means when he shakes the other man’s hand. 

“Now, there’s something I’ve been meaning to mention…” Tony motions for Barnes to sit in the opposite chair. “There’s a project I’m working on…”

* * *

Hours have passed, as the four men are once again going over the miscellaneous notes of the Soldier’s fractured past. Steve is rereading one of the note books that is completely filled with Bucky’s hand writing, while Tony is staring intently into the distance, a hand on his chin, something is starting to make the wheels in his brain turn.

Chrissy places a gentle hand on the Iron man’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to interrupt your thought process, but I thought maybe you’d like a cup of coffee.” She places the hot beverage in front of him on the dining table. 

“Thanks Chris, you’re the best.” He smiles happily, appreciating the gesture.

“You’re so quiet when you sit there all deep in thought. Like you’re content. Peaceful.” She squeezes his forearm.

“Peaceful…” Tony’s fingers are drumming away over his lips and chin. Something’s sparking in his mind. “Peace...peace…” He sucks a bit of air back between his teeth.

“I think you broke him.” Clint raises a brow in the other man’s direction.

“Peace.” Tony stands up quickly. “Holy shit. Sorry Cap.” Stark raises his hands comically and can see Rogers roll his eyes. “Peace!” Tony runs his hands through his hair. “Why didn’t I think of that before?”

Barnes raises a brow in the direction of the hysterical man and then brings his attention to Steve, who shrugs his shoulders.

“Something you want to enlighten us on, Tony?” The Captain is starting to wonder if all the lack of sleep is starting to finally catch up to his friend.

Tony pulls up the hologram picture of Hugo Gernsback on his device and has it displayed so that everyone can see. “Hugo Gernsback. Close friend and supporter of Nikola Tesla.”

“Alright.” Steve crosses his arms, knowing there’s a point to this that they aren’t connecting, but is certain that Tony is about to educate them.

“When Tesla died, or was murdered, however you want to look at it. A lot of his work was seized by the government. His estate was separated, donated...anyways you get the point. Lots of his life’s work went missing basically. Including, any of his advancements in what he called the Peace Ray.” Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and smiles. “Or what was later known as…”

“The Death Ray.” Bucky finishes, his fist clenching into a tight fist. 

“Bingo.” Tony points at the Soldier with a satisfied grin. “Now I’m not going to dive into explaining electrostatic repulsion or particles, but you get it. In the wrong hands, Death Ray bad.”

Rubbing his hands together, starting to feel anxious, Tony regards the people in this room seriously. “Rumor is, Tesla might have actually made a prototype of the device. Also, that our buddy Hugo here, might have been the only person to have been privy to the project’s location, as well as all of the research that went with it. It was never proven, of course and nothing was ever found. There’s also a rumor that a Nazi spy murdered Tesla and stole specific items.”

Tony takes a drink of his coffee and sits down in his seat once more. “Apparently, when World War 2 ended, most of the items that were missing were recovered.” Stark smiles. The Government, they’re pretty good at keeping secrets, and he’s willing to bet his Iron man suit that one of those things was the Death Ray files. Tony’s gaze lands on Barnes. “That’s where you come in. I’m thinking Hydra probably got their hands on at least some of the information they wanted and that they needed the rest from Gernsback. If he even really had anything. When he couldn't or wouldn’t provide any info they were looking for, you were sent in to make sure he didn’t give it to anyone else. A precaution.”

Bucky’s eyes can’t grow any larger than what they are, staring continuously at the hovering photo of a man he killed long ago. “Must of heard that there were other parties who came to the same conclusion...that’s when I got my orders.” So many lives, wasted and ended by his hands. He feels sick to his stomach.

“You alright Buck?” Steve takes a moment to observe his friend and make sure he’s coping with this information alright. The other Soldier takes a deep breath, nodding and pushes himself back further into the chair, still feeling queasy. 

“So why would this matter now?” Rogers leans his elbows on the table, confused. 

“They’ve had years, to find the information they were looking for. To perfect anything they didn’t approve of. Also, they might have been waiting for someone to invent the perfect renewable energy source…” He trails off. 

“Wait a minute you’re saying…” There’s an overwhelming sense of alarm coursing through the Captain’s body. This is not good, not one bit.

“The Arc Reactor. Yeah...That’s what I’m saying.” It’s Tony’s turn to become uncharacteristically quiet, fingers mindlessly tracing patterns over the wood grain of the table.

“Right. Tony, I want you to find out everything you can about Tesla’s ray. Who could have this information. I want to make sure that no data about the Reactor has been leaked, Clint get Natasha on that, but make sure she keeps this low profile. I don’t want anyone else knowing about any of this just yet.” Steve is calm, as usual. Forming a plan, giving orders and setting a goal, that’s something he can deal with. “Buck…” 

Adjusting his posture, Bucky waits to hear what Rogers wants. “You know I can’t…”

“I know. At least not yet.” Steve passes the Soldier an empty notebook. “I want coordinates and detailed lists of any place that you can think of that would be big enough to house something of this size.” The Captain pulls up a picture on his tablet of the Reactor that was once used to power Stark Industries.

* * *

It’s an odd thing, to see Steve packing his bag to leave. Bucky’s leaning against the door frame to his friend’s room. He studies the man’s movements as he goes about placing clothing from the dresser into his backpack. There’s a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach as he watches Steve’s hands place the garments neatly into the bag. Anxiety? Worry? He’s not sure, and won’t mention it.

“Are you alright Buck?” Steve reaches out, placing a firm grip on the other man’s shoulder. “The offer still stands, I can stay a few extra days.”

Bucky’s lips form a thin line, he could accept the Captain’s offer, but he doesn’t want to appear weak, or needy. Not in front of this man, he needs to be strong. Steve needs to see and know that he can heal and be strong on his own. Worrying about his friend will only get him injured or worse. Rogers needs to have a clear conscious, specially if he’s heading out on a mission in a few days.

“I’m good.” A white lie. In reality he’s doing alright, considering. However, somewhere, in the depths of his character he can feel it, every once and awhile the Winter Soldier is screaming, growling.

Rogers knows that look, the hidden pain behind the other Soldier’s eyes, but he won’t push. He was lucky enough that Bucky had even wanted them here so soon. Bucky’s reached out once, if he needs Steve, surely he will do it again.

“I’m just a call away.” The Captain hands Barnes a cellphone. “If you ever...need anything. Or even just want to talk. I don’t care what time it is. You call, alright?”

Bucky takes the phone and stares at it for a moment, unsure of what he should say in response. He’s aware that Steve is having a hard time leaving his friend behind, this wasn’t what he had in mind or hoped for when he first came to visit. The corner of Bucky’s mouth lifts in a sad smile. Wishing he could be that man Steve so looked forward to having by his side again. Wishing he could trust his own mind. 

Before he can react, Rogers pulls him into a tight hug. “You’ll get there. Don’t rush it. You’re alive and safe, that’s all that matters.” Steve pats him on the back and then continues to finish packing. “I want you to take care of Chrissy, she’s thick headed and doesn’t listen very well.”

Bucky puffs out a breath of air through his nose. “Yeah, don’t I know it.” He pockets the phone and crosses his arms. “You’ll keep me updated?”

“Yes. Of course.” Steve knows what Bucky’s actual concern really is. “And like we discussed, all the intel you provided, stays with me and only me, until we know for sure what we are dealing with. Tony will do further research and report back to me.”

Licking his lips, the Soldier stares at the floor. “Good. It’s...it’s just too risky.”

“And if anyone can figure out a way to help you, it’ll be Stark and Banner.” Steve offers a hopeful smile. “It’ll just take some time.”

Bucky nods. He’s not as hopeful as Steve, but he’s will to at least give them a shot to try.


	7. Chapter 7 : Not More Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wanna start by saying that I can't express how much I appreciate all the comments, kudos and bookmarks. Just wow.
> 
> When I first started writing this chapter, it was going to be long...well longer than what I got posted here. But then I decided that it was just too damn long and I STILL wasn't done writing. So, the good news is that chapter 8 probably won't take me as long to finish, that's something right?
> 
> Anyways, thanks for stopping by and I do appreciate and read everything that get posted.
> 
> Disclaimer : Only Chrissy and the ideas here are mine, that's it sadly.

** Chapter 7 : Not More Waiting **

The Quinjet lands in the front yard, again, sending leaves and dirt rustling in the winds that the engines creates. Chrissy sighs, hugging her arms to herself tightly. Why do they have to land that thing there of all places, every time? Tony’s smirking in her direction as he adjusts the aviators on the brim of his nose. The two friends are standing on the front steps. She can see Stark looking at her over his darkened designer shades. 

The Iron man smoothes out the lines of his dark-grey suit. He’s fidgety. Why? “You’re going to take better care of yourself, right?” There are just too many factors contributing to his apprehensions about leaving. 

“Cross my heart.” Chrissy draws an invisible X over the area of her heart. “Or do you prefer a pinky swear?” Her small digit is held out towards him. 

Tony warps his finger around hers. “Seriously, though.” A toothy grin as he shifts his weight.

Chrissy rubs the back of her neck, the knot in the muscle there still present and still sore. “Yes Tony, I promise. I just pinky swore.” A quick wink. 

“Come here smart ass.” Satisfied, the Iron man pulls his friend into an embrace. “Listen Chriss, I know Barnes has made some major progress, but I want you to be careful…” 

“Tony…” Not particularly thrilled on where this conversation is headed, Chrissy begins to pull away.

“Don’t Tony me.” A tight grasp on her elbow. “Listen, I’m serious. Barnes is alright when he’s stable and just brooding. Relapses can happen though, you know this from experience.” Stark quickly pulls a small box from his blazer pocket, there’s a gleam of silver when he opens the lid. “I want you to wear this twenty-four-seven, it’ll keep my mind at ease.” He hands her the jewelry. “Twenty-four-seven Chris. Do you hear me?”

At this point, Chrissy will do anything to calm this man’s nerves and if that means wearing a snazzy bracelet, well then that’s just a bonus. “Sure, what is it?”

“It’s a bracelet. Obviously, it’s more than just a fashion statement.” Stark helps Chrissy clasp the silver band around her wrist. “It’s a navigational and...well it doesn’t matter. Look. If you’re in trouble, or you’re having another one of your episodes. Push here.” He shows her the A shaped button on the side. “It’ll alert both me and Cap. This is not connected to Charlotte. It’s a separate entity. And this...” He points out a smaller area on the bracelet. “You press and hold for five seconds, it’ll send out an EMP pulse of sorts.”

“Neat.” Her demeanor shifts and she smiles brightly at Tony, oblivious to the amount of painstaking work it took to create this small object in just a few days.

“Neat.” He snickers, shaking his head in disbelief. “If you only knew…” Tony rolls his eyes and then laughs. Only for her. “Anyways, I told Barnes about how it works. Never got to test it properly though.” Something he regrets. The signal works just fine, but the other part, the knock-out mister cranky pants soldier part, that hasn’t been tested yet.

“Tony…” Chrissy exhales, is this man truly determined to aggravate that Soldier? “That probably made him feel untrustworthy and…”

“See again with the Tony. That’s getting to be a bit annoying.” The Iron man crosses his arms and rests against the support beam, tired and just plain burnt out. “Besides, it was his idea. The pulse, it’s for Barnes, should knock him right out.”

Shocked, Chrissy continues to stare at the man before her. What on earth? When did they have time to discuss such a thing? And why? Her attention is fixated on the bracelet once more. “I…I mean, why would he...”

“Ah ha.” Tony claps his hands together. “See, even he can admit what kind of danger he might represent. For some reason, both you and Rogers can’t seem to see that.” His fingers rise up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “It’s only a precaution Chris, one I hope we don’t need to use.”

* * *

As the team prepares to leave, one by one they say their goodbyes. Chrissy hugs each of them fondly, knowing how much she’ll miss them and worry over them. Bucky shakes each of their hands. It’s bittersweet. He looks forward to the quiet that this place has always offered, but feels a bit anxious knowing that they are leaving. Why?

The Soldier receives a pat on the shoulder from Clint, a man who he has become rather fond of. Respect is there and that’s appreciated. They have more in common than Bucky cares to admit, but still he enjoyed the man’s company all the same and was grateful for any bit of consol Barton had offered. “Take care man.” The Archer makes his way down the field towards his ride.

Stark, well, they are not really fond of each other, but they have an understanding. “Take care of her, alright?” The Iron man’s firm gaze lands on Chrissy. Tony’s hand is squeezed a little harder, an acknowledgement of their agreement. “Good, and for what it’s worth, thanks. Remember, when I come back, we’re doing something about that graffity of yours...” Stark points to the other man’s left shoulder. “Can’t have you walking around with, well...that. No offence.” Bucky grins, amazed at this man’s persistence.

When Steve stands before him, they offer each other a slight nod and a firm handshake. “I’ll arrange to come back as soon as I can. A proper visit. I promise.” The Captain pulls his friend into a tight embrace, to his surprise the other man pats his back and then pushes away gently. Steve offers a polite smile and picks up his backpack. “It was really nice seeing the both of you.” As he enters the back of the aircraft, Steve looks back once more, still not quite believing that his friend is here and alive. He’s able to leave knowing that the next time he comes back, Bucky should have made even more progress.

Feeling a bit down that her friends, her family are leaving once more, Chrissy pulls her sweater closer in around her frame. She’s concerned, as always, for their safety. A strong arm wraps around her shoulders, pulling her close. Looking up, she sees Bucky staring at the jet as it slowly ascends above the tree line.

“They’ll be alright.” Bucky tries to reassure, his arm flexing a little. Who’s he trying to convince?

* * *

Two weeks have passed since the Avengers have left Fox Tail. Migraines are becoming less painful and Chrissy’s happy with the fact that they are happening less often as well. Although, her neck still does gets stiff and sore. More often, she finds that she still has to massage the tension away with her fingertips. Keeping her promise, she’s been taking better care of herself. When she needs to apply a cold compress or get some rest, she does. If she feels the tale-tell signs of a migraine beginning, Chrissy takes her medication. Slowly, she’s recovering. 

Bucky seems to be more at ease as well, now that she’s actually taking everyone’s advice into consideration. He’s getting back into a training routine and has become more interested in wandering the property to find optimum spots to calibrate his firearms. Jake’s never too far behind his buddy, making sure to keep fast pace with the Soldier.

Recently, Bucky’s also gotten back into the habit of woodworking as well. However, it did take him a bit of time before he was alright with leaving Chrissy alone for more than an hour. He’s usually never too far, for too long. The farm is filled with the buzzing noise of saws and tools once more during the daytime hours, something Chrissy had almost forgot she enjoyed listening to.

As the baked and canned goods of her autumn recipes cool, Chrissy decides to take a walk in the trails. This time of year is perfect for hikes, the crisp autumn air makes it easier to do physical activities. She pulls on her favorite coat and hiking boots. As she’s tying her laces, Bucky notices that she’s getting ready to head out, he raises a brow in her direction. 

“Just going for a short walk. Don’t worry I wasn’t going to leave without letting you know where I was headed.” She laughs lightly as she wraps a scarf around her neck.

“I’ll come with you...if that’s alright.” The tools that he’d been carrying are set aside on the bench.

She knows he’s only concerned for her safety, and keep his promise to a friend to watch over her, Bucky’s not one to go back on his word. Chrissy shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not the type to turn down company.”

They walk down the back trails enjoying the fresh air. Every once and awhile Jake darts into the brush, barking and chasing after some random rodent. Reaching a clearing, Chrissy smiles, this is the spot where she usually comes to find a Pine tree for Christmas. 

“So you trek all the way out here each December, chop down a tree and drag it all the way back?” Bucky’s having a hard time believing this story. He’s trying to picture this small woman struggling with a tree, freezing and pulling it through the snow. It’s a comical thought, causing him to grin.

“Me drag something? No dear sir. That’s what four-wheeler’s and Frank are for.” She scoffs as they continue to walk. “And then in the spring I plant a new one, because I feel bad.” Chopping down a tree, every year for Christmas, such a horrible thing to do. But it’s tradition, so with a heavy heart she does it anyways.

There’s a loud snap, a creek and then an echo, sounds like a tree falling into the lake, probably a beaver’s handiwork. Chrissy notices that Bucky’s smile fades and that his eyes grow narrow. He’s staring off into the forest and then without warning he drops to his knees.

“Bucky?” He’s grabbing his shirt and struggling to breathe. “Can you hear me?”

There's a tight, squeezing feeling in his chest, it hurts to breathe. A pulse drums so loudly behind his eyes and in his ears, he can't focus. It feels like he's underwater, drowning, only he knows he's not. The autumn leaves beneath his hand crunch as he clings to the earth, trying to remain grounded.

* * *

Chrissy’s descending the stairs of the back deck, a steaming cup of coffee in each hand. The sun’s a bright pumpkin orange as it slowly begins to set. Bucky’s got his back to her as he stares out over the lake, fire roaring in the pit before him. Again, he seems fine, like nothing happened just a few hours ago. He’s brushing off his little set backs faster each time, or he’s getting better at hiding how much things bother him.

“Here. It’s a bit chilly out.” She can tell by the way that Bucky’s standing that he’s chilled. Shoulders pressed up, hands in his pockets and keeping a close proximity to the warmth of the fire. He looks sore and exhausted, both from a hard day’s work and from his earlier episode.

A small one sided grin tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Thanks.” He’s aware that she can tell that he’s troubled.

“Something you want to talk about?” Chrissy takes a seat on the bench and watches as he follows suit.

Continuing to sport the same smirk, Bucky tilts the cup slightly from side to side, swirling the dark liquid back and forth. “Not really.”

Not wanting to pry, Chrissy drops the subject, he’ll eventually open up more, when he’s good and ready. “I guess we’re going to have to get you some warmer clothing, specially for the winter.”

“Did I miss something?” Chrissy has stated countless times that this is his home now, or at least for as long as he wants it to be. But for her to be planning the upcoming winter, with him still living here, is unexpected. It’s starting to make him feel like there’s a place where he belongs. No more running. Finding this notion appealing, his shoulders drop, relaxed. A home, even the thought feels abnormal.

“You’re chilled to the bone in what you got on now, and it’s not even full blown fall yet. I can just imagine how frozen you’d be in a harsh Canadian winter.” Chrissy starts a mental list in her head of all the things he’ll probably need. “I should really order you some warmer fall attire as well, why didn’t I think of that sooner? And why haven’t you told me that you’re freezing?” She bumps his shoulder with hers causing him to sway.

Teeth showing as the Soldier smiles brightly, Bucky almost spills his coffee. “Hey.” He tries to hide his obvious amusement. Now that he actually thinks about it, he is cold. “It never occurred to me to say anything.” An honest declaration as he shrugs his shoulders. 

With Hydra, they either provided things and he used it, or they didn’t and he went without, that was that. Hell, he was lucky enough that they even fed him. If ever he was cold, starving or even in pain, mentioning the discomfort was never an option. So why would something like that cross his mind now? He was conditioned to think and behave a certain way. It’s going to take him a long time to adjust to this new way of thinking he surmises. 

When they would ship him to somewhere cold, Hydra’s goons would give him things to dress properly but that was it, was it warm enough, durable enough, it really didn’t matter. As long as the conditions made it so that he was capable enough to complete the mission and finish it properly, that’s all that mattered. He didn’t matter, that was made very clear from the beginning. If he returned damaged, he was patched up, his vitals scanned and then most times he was put back into cryo. Should he not return or perish, they would have found other means to accomplish their goal.

“Alright.” Chrissy sighs, understanding what it is he’s saying without actually explaining it. “Well, from now on, if there’s something you need, or something you’d like to try, you inform me. Ok?”

“I’ll try to remember that.” His tongue darts out to lick his dry lips.

“Tonight, I’ll order you some warmer clothing.” She leans against his arm trying to share her warmth. “I’ll show you how to access the account that’s been set up for you as well.”

The Soldier nods, not entirely sure if he likes the idea of having any control over something like that. That’ll take time to get used to for sure. “For now...until I’m comfortable with all of this...could you continue to watch over the financial stuff? Wow, that makes me sound like a caveman.” A white puff of breath can be seen coming from his mouth as he laughs. 

Chrissy smiles and pats his arm. “No it doesn’t.” She deposits her coffee on the extra space of the bench and pulls her phone from her jacket. “I really don’t mind helping you with that at all. Look, this is yours.” She presses on an app and enters a number and a security access code. Displayed on the screen is his name, account number and monthly balance.

This is an area he really has no interest in or patience for. “All I see is a bunch of numbers…” He knows there’s a lot, but it means nothing to him. A lifetime of never needing or wanting anything has left him with little care for anything materialistic. As long as he has the very minimal basics, he really could care less.

“I know. I can help you understand it all over time.” She exits the account and places her phone back into the coat’s side pocket.

“Yeah, good luck on that one.” Bucky scoffs as he rolls his eyes. “Currency, I have little interest in.” 

“Is it just me, or do you seem to be in a fairly good mood tonight?” She’s poking a finger into his side.

Wincing, he attempts to hide the smile that’s starting to appear at the corner of his lips. “What? It’s not aloud?”

“No, no by all means.” The woman raises her hands, not wanting to put a damper on his current state. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s got you so happy-go-lucky.”

The Soldier shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know…” His teeth capture the corner of his lip, he’s trying to figure this out himself. “Maybe it’s because I finally saw Steve face to face. It’s over with, and wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be. Just relieved...I guess.”

“That makes sense. One less worry to carry around on your shoulders.” Chrissy wraps her hands around his upper arm. “And you got to hang out and get to know a few of the Avengers for a week. So that’s another thing to help settle some anxiety I’m sure.”

Bucky nods. “Yeah, I guess so.” His eyes focus on the flames of the fire. There are other things that have him feeling a bit placid as well. “I’m glad your migraines are getting less painful.” His thumb rubs the back of one of her hands that's still gripping his arm. “I was worried...and now...it’s just nice to see you getting better.”

“Thanks Bucky. You’ve been great helping me around here and making sure that I actually take care of myself. Much appreciated by the way.”

* * *

_“Mrs.Meilleur. Victor is on his way up the driveway with a few of your parcels.”_ The A.I informs as a purolator truck slowly makes it’s way towards the house. _“System scans show nothing out of the ordinary.”_

“Thank you Charlotte.” Chrissy had been expecting the Purolator driver to be arriving tomorrow, but Vic usually tried to get her deliveries done as fast as possible. It’s been a year and a half that this man has been delivering her orders and not once did he ever ask questions. Chrissy has learnt that these are the best kinds of people. 

The truck is parked and a tall, large, bristly man exits the vehicle. Electronic clipboard in hand, he makes his way up the front stairs while murmuring something to himself. “Chris. Long time no order.” He hands her the device and she places her signature on the small grey screen. “Uhmm...I don’t know how to say this, but you have a fairly large package. Normally it wouldn’t be us who’d deliver it...would have been a bigger crew and a different truck. I know how much you like your privacy and I’m sure your robot chick wouldn’t have liked that…”

“Thanks Vic, you’re the best.” Grateful that this man thought of this on his own, Chrissy returns the device, a large smile spreading across her face.

“Thing is...whatever you had shipped here, it’s big and heavy.” The large man rolls his shoulders. “If it wasn’t so awkward...I could carry it by myself. Took me and the boss to load it.”

Finally, it clicks. She had ordered some items for Bucky’s bathroom. “Oh Vic. Jeez I completely forgot about that, I’m so sorry. I’ll get you some help.” She sees him nod. “I’ll be two minutes. Do you mind waiting right here?”

 

“Take your time. You’re the last client on my list for the day.” 

Chrissy rushes towards the workshop, the sounds of Bucky striking the punching bag can be heard. He’s been training a lot the past few days and usually she’d never interrupt, seems to be the perfect anger management tool for him. Hesitantly, she knocks on the door frame as she enters. The Soldier steadies the swinging bag and brings his attention to the woman at the door. “I kind of need to borrow your muscles for a moment, if that’s alright.”

He raises a brow. “Pardon?” Unwrapping his hand from the boxing tape and gauze, Bucky shakes his head, suppressing a chuckle.

“The delivery for the shower came in. The regular delivery guy, Vic, won’t be able to bring it in by himself...but I can’t have you go out there and be all super soldiery...so you’ll have to ‘help’ him move it.” She’s trying to emphasize the helping part. Victor is aware that this isn’t your everyday farm, but that doesn’t mean she has to advertize what actually goes on here.

“Alright.” Bucky pulls a long sleeve shirt over his head and puts on his work gloves. There, looks like he was just busy doing wood work, nothing at all related with Super Soldier training.

After about fifteen minutes of maneuvering the two men manage to get all of the items into the home. Vic wanted to assist with bringing it all the way upstairs, but Bucky declined. “Thanks…” An outstretched hand, that’s the normal thing to do right? Thank someone with a handshake.

“Vic.” The large man grasps Bucky’s hand. “I’m the delivery guy.” He chuckles loudly. Bucky can tell by this man’s stance and demeanour that he was probably once a man who served his country.

“James.” The Soldier clears his throat and doesn’t miss the odd look Chrissy gives him.

“James eh? You served as well, didn’t you? Got lots of years under your belt too I can see.” Bucky nods and Vic squeezes his hand a little more. “I’m good at spotting another Soldier.” A sad grin is displayed across the man’s face as he releases Bucky's hand. “Anyways, nice to see that Chrissy finally got herself a man around here. Great gal you got yourself there.”

Taken aback by this assumption, Bucky stammers a bit, but is alright with the ruse if it means this man will finally leave the property, with no questions. “Ah yeah, she’s something else, stubborn though…”

“Aren’t they all.” A large hand pats the other former Soldier hard on the back. “Anyways, you two have a goodnight. I need to head out, gotta have the truck back before seven.” Victor jumps into the delivery truck and heads back down the driveway. There’s two quick honks as the man waves goodbye and leaves the property.

“James?” Chrissy starts cutting the tape on the large box with a pair of scissors. “That’s the first time I hear you use your first name.”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “Only close friends call me Bucky. Besides, I don’t know him, so I don’t trust him.” He starts piling the cardboard to one side and organizing parts on another.

“Fair enough. So how long have we been dating James?” Chrissy tosses a piece of wadded up duck tape and it sticks to Bucky’s shirt. Jake barks thinking this is some different version of fetch he has yet to be introduced to.

“Oh shut up.” He smirks in the woman’s direction and pulls off the sticky ball. “What was I supposed to say?”

“Well you could be family. You are old enough to be my great grandfather.” The look she receives from the man across the room is priceless. Her sides feel as though they are going to burst she’s laughing so hard. When she spots Bucky moving quickly towards her, Chrissy bolts for the kitchen still laughing.

“That’s it.” He catches Chrissy by the waist and tosses her over his shoulder as she continues to laugh. With swift movements, he opens the back door, strides across the deck and heads for the dock. Jake’s bounding and barking happily beside Bucky as he continues his fast pace. “You’re cheap shots are coming to an end.”

She’s trying to squirm out of Bucky’s grasp, her laughter becoming frantic when she figures out his plan. “Oh no. No! James Bucky Barnes, you put me down this instant.”

“I’m going to, just give me one more minute.” That sounds like mischief in his voice. His feet make contact with the dock, she can hear the water splashing on the shore. Oh no, he’s really planning on following through with this. Footsteps echo against the wood as he continues his pace.

“I swear if you toss me in there, you’re so coming with me.” She’s still squirming and it doesn’t even seem to faze him. “Ok. Alright, you’re not that old. In fact you look great for your age.” She can’t help it, she’s still laughing. “I’m sure you could pass for my older brother.”

“That’s better.” Gently he places her back down on her bare feet. 

The cold planks remind her how cold it is outside and she shivers. Chrissy looks at the dark, chilly lake behind her. Still smiling, almost out of breath, she slaps his arm playfully. “You weren’t really going to throw me in there...were you?”

Bucky nods, a tight smirk appearing across his face. “Of course I was.” Humor, laughter, this is something he could get used to. The sound of someone laughing and not screaming because of him, strikes a chord in his being he didn’t know existed.

Scrunching her nose with amused disgust, Chrissy decides it’s her turn to play hard ball. “Well, that’s not very nice.” Taking a step closer as she pokes the Soldier in the chest, she sees him inche away, uncertain of what it is she’s planning. 

Checking quickly over his shoulder, Bucky can see how close he is to the edge. “But I didn’t actually throw you in.” He raises his hands, a fake worried expression is displayed across his features. “That should count for something.”

“True.” She smiles warmly and then offers her hand. “Truce?”

“Sure.” He grasps her hand, pulls her close, smiles and then lets himself fall backwards.

“Jerk!” They hit the freezing water. Soaked, they quickly stand. Bucky’s laughing whole heartedly, hands on his knees as he tries to keep himself from falling over. “I can’t believe you just did that. I thought we had a truce.” Chrissy’s still giggling, her teeth now chattering. Jakes barking at them from the dock.

“It is a truce. I tossed us both in. Different arrangement.” They make their way towards the shore. “Besides...it was worth it.”

“Self sacrifice huh?” Chrissy is twisting the edge of her sweater to try and have at least some of the water remain outdoors.

Bucky removes the long sleeve shirt. “Oh yeah. The greater good and all that…”

“You're horrible.” Chrissy struggles to remove her sweater. “If I catch a cold, I'm sharing.”

“I don't think I get sick.” He informs while removing his t-shirt and wringing it out.

“Are you serious?” She sees him nod. “Well regardless I'd find a different way to pay you back.” Now, she's freezing. “As fun as that was…” Sarcasm drips from every word. “I'm going to change into something dry and warm.”

* * *

“So how’s he managing?” Steve’s voice is gruff on the other end of the phone call, there’s something the Captain isn’t disclosing that has him exhausted and on edge. “He’s still making progress or…”

Chrissy’s sorting through paperwork as she continues her conversation with the Captain. The cordless phone is perched on her shoulder and pressed against her ear as she tries to finish up a few details. “He’s coping. The flashbacks are less frequent, but the nightmares are becoming worse.”

“I see. How do you know this? Is he coming to you with any of this yet?” Steve’s sounding serious.

“No not yet. Most of the times I just hear him shouting. Usually, I have to either wake him or wait until it’s over. I try to get him to talk about it afterwards...but he refuses most times. I’ve learned enough from Logan’s time here to know not to push too much. He’ll come around eventually.” Chrissy sighs, leans back in the chair and then shakes her hair free from the updo. “But there are other things...small things that I’ve noticed here and there, that show signs of improvement.”

“Like?” This has his attention, if Chrissy can see a change, no matter how small, then there’s reason to keep faith.

Chrissy smiles, even though Steve can’t see her. “Compassion, I know he feels it. Can tell by what he does or how he responds to things. He’s very kind hearted, although he’d never admit to it.” Her thoughts drift to when she caught Bucky sneaking Jake some food under the table when he thought she wasn’t looking. And then of another time, when a horse had gotten spooked for some reason. Bucky had quickly made his way over to comfort the frightened animal. Hushing while pressing his forehead against the horse’s snout, his hand stroking its neck, Bucky had managed to calm the poor thing.

“I can tell when he’s deep in thought about something...when he’s really trying to sort things out in his head. Like how things make him feel. How he should react. He’s constantly pushing himself to remember, anything.” She can hear Steve make a small noise of relief. “He’s smiling and laughing more these days. Unlike when he first showed up here. The other day he tossed us both into the lake.” She’s laughing now, the thought of this completely ridiculous.

“You’re serious?” Steve laughs. These are things he likes to hear, steady progress. However, with the good, comes the bad.

“Yeah.” She trails off. “But Steve...the stuff he’s remembering. I know it’s not good. Sometimes, when he’s staring off into nothing, I can see it. The look of someone who doesn’t feel like they deserve to live. What they did to him...the things he was forced to do...I want him to tell me about it in time, that way there maybe eventually it’ll give him some sort of closure.”

Steve clears his throat. “Yeah...I still have a hard time reading the files that we do have, or the information Buck provided me with. The stuff he went through...it was really bad.”

“None of this is your fault. You know that right?” Chrissy’s concerned, one soldier with PTSD is enough. “Survivor's guilt, Steve. You and Sam talked about this.”

“I know. It’s just…” He doesn’t know how to explain it. Call it want you want, he left his best friend behind to die, or worse. “I should have known...when I found him, they had already been experimenting on him back then. I should have known…”

“Steve. No. Enough. I want you to call Sam after this conversation. Do you hear me?” She means business and he knows it. If Steve doesn’t contact Wilson on his own, he knows Chrissy will.

“What matters is that he’s alive, safe and recovering. Little by little. I don’t know what he did on his own for a year, but Bucky had already started the healing process, without knowing it. That’s a lot for someone to deal with by themselves. He’s strong. He’ll get through this, but he needs your help, not your pity.”

A pause. “I know. You’re right.” A long exhale.

“Of course I am.” Chrissy can hear the man on the other end of the line laugh.

* * *

Next time he passes out, Bucky’s going to make sure he doesn’t break something that’s such a pain in the ass to fix. He’s been working on this bathroom for most of the day. Thank God for the internet, and a brain that seems to remember helpful things that he must have picked up along the way throughout the years. Oh sure, he can remember how to do all these things, but what the hell was his mom’s favorite flower, that’ll remain a mystery.

Bucky’s regrouting some tile when Chrissy decides to check up on him. “Looks good in here.” She tosses him a bottle of water. “You’re going to need all this, because you look horrible.” There’s splashes of paint on his jeans, plaster on his shirt and his hair is pulled back in a tight mess.

“Thanks.” He snickers, takes a drink and then continues to smooth out the lines between the tiles of the shower. “At least now I can stop using Steve’s bathroom. Should be dried and all set by later tonight.” Bucky wipes the tools clean and places them in the toolbox.

Chrissy’s leaning against the repaired door frame, her arms crossed, smiling down at him as he picks up everything off the floor. “What?” Bucky shrugs his shoulders.

“Nothing.” She places her hands in her back pockets. “You’re just doing so well. Everyday, you make a little more progress. You might not feel it or even notice it.” She sees him visibly stiffen, as if the topic bothers him. “But I do.”

“I don’t know.” The Soldier sighs and his gaze drops, focused on the task at hand. “I still...wake up, every night. Dream, wake up, vomit. That’s the routine.” Something that still bothers him. Knowing he will most likely have to deal with that part for the rest of his existence. Small price to pay, considering. Still the constant burden of never having a moments peace, it’s a bit maddening.

Chrissy picks up the paintbrushes and puts them in a pale. “I know...” She sits down on the cold floor beside the Soldier. “I know it’s horrible for you to go through, but...it’s your brain’s way of remembering, healing. Soon, you’ll have more memories, we’ll just have to sort through them.”

Bucky’s glaring at his left hand. “I’m having a hard time deciding on whether I want to remember or not. On one hand... I want to remember everything, because I deserve to, a fitting punishment for everything I’ve done.” He clenches his fist and shuts the toolbox. “On the other, I don’t want to remember any of it... I just want to start over, a clean slate.”

“That’s the easy way out.” Chrissy pushes the falling bangs from his face. “You’re stronger than you want to believe. You did do and go through a lot of horrible things, but you’re still here. In order for you start a new life, you need to come to terms with your past first. Everyone has a past, good and bad. Some are more harsh than others. After all my years of living here and working with the individuals that walk through my front door. I’ve learnt that the old saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is a lie.”

Bucky’s shoulders drop at this, maybe she’s right. 

Chrissy smiles warmly, her eyes softening. “If you’re a good person, which I know you are, you’ll always feel bad for everything that you’ve done. Were forced to do. Regret and guilt, two very powerful feelings.” She tries to remind him. “You’ll have nightmares. You’ll remember every single crappy detail, from the looks on peoples faces, to the sounds and smells from those moments. That’s your reminder of who you were forced to be. Not who you chose to be.” A feather light touch of her fingers on his forearm. “It’s up to you if you want to stay stuck in those fractured memories, or if you want to find some sort of inner peace. The only way for you to be comfortable in your own skin and keep living, is to find a way to forgive yourself.” 

“I guess…” He’s not entirely convinced. Bucky stands and offers his hand to help Chrissy to her feet. She accepts and he pulls her up in one swift movement. He tries to shrug off the way her eyes stare back at him.

“I can help, if you let me. That’s your choice. I’ve always been a great listener and I happen to know a few coping mechanisms. When you first arrived here, I didn’t offer this right off the get go, because I knew you weren’t ready for in depth conversations.” She laughs softly, really is he even ready for something like this now? “But I think we’ve come to know and maybe understand each other a little better now.”

Smirking, the Soldier nods. Bucky cleans his hands in the sink and dries them on a towel. Trying to decide if any of this might actually help. Couldn’t hurt, right?

“The next time, you have a nightmare, or a memory that resurfaces...no matter how horrible or mundane you think it is. I want you to at least try and explain it to me. No matter what time it is. Alright? You can trust me. I’ve told you before, I’m not here to judge you.” Gently she takes his hands in hers. “I mean it.” She’s staring into his eyes, the only way she knows how to display faith and assurance. “Anything you disclose, stays here between us. Nothing you can tell me will ever change my opinion of you or my decision on whether or not you get to stay here.”

Bucky clenches his jaw as he pulls away from her grip. “I’m not so sure about that. If you only knew everything that I’ve done...”

“I know enough. And I know it wasn’t you who really did those things. You were forced…controlled...”

The Soldier places the toolbox on the counter with force and advances on the woman until she’s pushed up against the wall. Intimidation, he’s trying to prove a point, but the small woman doesn’t even so much as flinch. “But I still did it. All of it.” A grunt of frustration between gritted teeth. Crazy, stubborn woman. To anyone else he might seem menacing, but she knows all too well what he’s trying to demonstrate. “I’ve killed all kinds. Men, women, children.” His arms are fully extended, palms flat against the wall on either side of her head. She’s trapped and he’s inches from her face. “I’ve tortured, hunted, poisoned…” Fear, that’s what he’s expecting in her eyes, but all he sees is empathy. What the hell. “Without giving it a second thought, without hesitation or question. Every, single, time.”

She arches an eyebrow. “Everytime?” Chrissy crosses her arms, unthreatened by his sudden change of character. This game, all too familiar. 

His right hand slams against the wall. “Yes!” What isn’t she getting? He’s vile, evil!

“So what about Steve?” She’s remaining calm and relaxed. Her smirk, knowing and defiant.

“What about him…” Oh. Wait.

Bingo. She’s won this round. “That’s what I thought.” She sighs, knowing that he’s trying to convince both of them that he’s some big bad awful man. “When you finally started gaining control, you fought back.” Her fingers are pushing a few stray strands from his view once more, he’s trying to evade her watchful gaze. “That was you. That was Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier, not James. You.” Gentle hands on his cheeks and jaw, Chrissy forces him to look at her, she can see that his eyes are moist. “You’re not as horrible as you want to believe.”

“But I am...dangerous.” A whisper as his head dips, already regretting his behaviour. Idiot.

“Maybe.” Chrissy drops her hands and pushes gently on his chest so that he’s forced to let her leave the space he’d confined her in. “But I’m not afraid of you.” One of her thumbs circles gently against the material of his shirt.

Bucky exhales and grins, annoyed, he can’t believe this woman. “You should be. One slip on my part, and you could be dead in a matter of seconds.” He snaps his fingers.

“And yet here I stand, unharmed and unafraid.” Chrissy heads for the doorway. “Dinner’s almost ready and I’m thinking of watching some old tv shows tonight. You in?”

“Just like that, everything’s back to normal?” Bucky shakes his head. This woman must be clinically insane.

“Just like that. Now are you in or not?”

* * *

The knot in her neck and between her shoulders are bothering Chrissy enough that she has to pause midway through washing the dishes to stretch out her aching muscles. This might be something worth looking into if it continues acting up this often. Soapy fingers grip the tender flesh as she tilts her head from side to side.

Coming in from the cold, Bucky removes his boots and coat. “Horses are settling fine…” When he rounds the corner of the hallway, he spots Chrissy massaging her neck. “Everything alright?”

“Hmmm?” Glancing over her shoulder, she can see the weary man sporting a look of concern. “Oh yeah. I'm fine, just a bit sore. Probably slept wrong.” Rinsing the plates and then placing them in the dish rack, she glances out the window. “It's getting dark faster.”

He pretends not to notice how she changes the topic. Bucky sighs and pours two cups of coffee. “What do you have planned to do until later?” He's hoping it's nothing strenuous, and he's slyly bringing up the issue at hand once more. 

“Before tv and popcorn?” Chrissy finishes the last of the dishes and wipes down the countertops. “Not too much. Gotta finish some paperwork and email Tony the new data regarding Charlotte’s upgrades. But that's it.” The Soldier visibly relaxes. “I'm fine. I swear, just a bit stiff.” 

“How bout you get cleaned up. Time for you to test out that new shower.” She winks as she sips her coffee. “By the time you're finished, I should be all set.”

The report and financial papers are filled and sent with little effort. With nothing left to do, Chrissy decides to prepare some popcorn. When was the last time she just sat and watched a movie or TV? Probably not since before Bucky showed up on her doorstep. As the microwave hums and the kernels begins to pop, Chrissy is kneeling in the pantry searching for a large bowl. “I swore I put it right here.” 

“Talking to yourself?” Bucky peers in from the kitchen.

Letting out a small squeak as she clutches her sweater, Chrissy jumps to her feet. “I need to get you a collar with a bell or something. You're gonna give me a heart attack one day.” 

“Is this what you're looking for?” With a raised brow Bucky hands her a large, red ceramic bowl that had been basically right in front of her the entire time.

“Smart ass.” She scoffs as she moves past him. 

After a few episodes of I love Lucy, Chrissy’s happy to see that the normally quiet Soldier is smiling and laughing at some of her favorite parts. The episode where Lucy is intoxicated by consuming some sort of vitamin for a commercial has always been her favorite and it seems to be rubbing off on her friend as well. Chrissy figures that slowly easing him into the world of cinematics is probably the best bet. She's not entirely sure how'd he handle shows that involve violence or brutality just yet. 

Logan had always been a fan of Lucy and the simple comedy of the black and white tv show. Seeing as these two men share some things in common, Chrissy figures that she'll use some of what she has learned with the Wolverine to help out this Soldier.

Subconsciously, she begins rubbing the back of her neck again when the episode about the aliens start. This episode strikes an odd feeling. When this had originally been aired, the notion of ETs was ridiculous. Then, New York happened a few years back and...Aliens, real. A shiver runs down her spine. 

Lucy appears on the screen wearing an extraterrestrial outfit while speaking nonsense. Chrissy’s memories drift to her aunt, this was her favorite episode. Fond childhood memories of her aunt and baked goods begin playing in the back of her mind.

“Do you want me to try?” Bucky’s staring at her sheepishly from the opposite end of the couch. She looks back at him quizzically. What the heck is he going on about?

“Sorry...try what?” There's a light blush creeping across his cheeks. Why is he being so bashful?

Blue eyes glance at her hand, small fingers still pressed against the skin by her shoulders. Oh, that. He's offering to do something that will require physical contact, odd, but she really needs to encourage this, even if she too feels a bit awkward. “Oh. Uhm. Sure.” That sounded more apprehensive than casual.

He clears his throat and seems a little less certain now. Crap, she feels guilty, now he thinks she's uncomfortable with him. “I have to admit...I’m not exactly sure what to do.” His eyes linger on his own hands, unsure if he should even attempt something like that. Wouldn't he just end up hurting her?

“Here, let me give you a crash course.” The woman slides down closer, pulls his right hand in between hers and begins applying pressure with her two thumbs. “You don't have to push hard, light pressure and small circles.” Her thumbs glide up his palm and she almost snickers at the look on his face. Focused on learning what she's teaching him, as if there is going to be some sort of exam later. She finds a tough spot in his muscle and applies more attention there. “This is a knot, sometimes you need to apply a little more pressure here, but gently. Sometimes it feels like there's a weird crunch, but that just means you're smoothing it out.”

His head tilts to the side, trying to see everything she's doing. When she's done Bucky flexes his hand and stares at her. “Feels nice, right?” Chrissy grasps his metallic hand. “I'm not sure how much you can sense or feel with this hand, but I'll demonstrate the same thing so you can judge for yourself.”

“You want me to...with this?” Metal fingers open and close. Even he's not entirely sure how great his sense of touch is with this hand. Hot and cold, grasp or drop. He’s able to control the prosthetic and even has the sense of touch, but to be gentle, he's not entirely sure.

“You'll be fine. Just need a little practice.” Chrissy begins the same movements as before. Bucky notices a few things, he can tell the difference between soft and not so light touches. He can tell when she's gliding or pushing. Shifting his hand, he chews at his inner cheek, he can do this.

“I'll sit on the floor in front of you. Don't worry, you're not going to hurt me. If anything I'm probably just a little sore or tender and that's not your fault.” Chrissy sits on the floor between his legs, folds her arms over her knees and prepares the next episode of I Love Lucy with the remote.

He’s drumming his fingers on his knees, nervous that he'll end up causing her harm. But she's not shying away from him and that alone is calming his nerves. Her movements are calm when she slowly guides his hands to the back of her neck. “Here.” Chrissy’s thumbs are guiding his. After a few moments, he's concentrating on this new undertaking, making sure he doesn't injure his small friend. The bones and muscle structure of her spine and shoulders are now mapped in his mind's eye. He feels the tension in her body slowly leave and this causes him to relax a little more as well. She’s not afraid, he reminds himself and he’s not causing her pain. 

Following her previous instructions, his thumbs and palms ease any stress and knots from her neck and shoulders. Reaching a particularly achy spot, Chrissy lets out a small breath when he applies more attention there. “Sorry...did I hurt you? I can stop.” His hands become rigid.

“No, no. Like I said, I’m just a bit sore. You didn’t do anything wrong. Continue.” She reassures. 

It's an odd sensation, one hand made of flesh and the other of metal, but equally as soothing and gentle. Chrissy's surprised at how delicate he's actually capable of being. Another step in the right direction, he's starting to trust himself a little more.

After a few minutes, Chrissy pats his hand thankfully. “Thanks. My neck feels ten times better. I can probably actually focus on the show now.” She offers the Soldier a quick smile of gratitude and can see that he seems pretty proud of himself. He's managed to make her feel better and not injure her, all at once. His hands that are usually used to cause death and destruction, have done the complete opposite. 

Chrissy grabs her blanket from the chair, sits down beside Bucky on the sofa and rests her head on his shoulder. “You're going to fall asleep.” He informs while chewing on some popcorn.

“No way. I'm just really relaxed now.” She settles further into the cushions. 

“Uh huh. You sure you don't just want to head to bed?” She can feel his eyes looking down at her.

“Nope, I'm good here.”

 

What time is it? Chrissy pulls the blankets up closer to her shoulders. Soft speech and then a bit of music can be heard. Opening her eyes, she notices that she's still in the living room. She curses under her breath. “Damn.” He was right, again. She’s lying on her side against Bucky, her head and hand resting on his chest. The Soldier doesn't seem bothered, he's still watching something on the TV. 

“Told you so.” A throaty chuckle that she can hear form in his chest. “You'd be a horrible date.”

“Oh I don't know about that. Last one I went on the guy didn't seem too annoyed. We were too busy for me to fall asleep anyways.” Her fingers are suggestively playing with the material of his shirt. 

That struck a nerve. Bucky becomes extremely quiet, a mixed grimace of anger and irritation on his face when she glances up. He didn't find that one bit amusing. “Oh take it easy. I was joking.” She pats his chest, as he rolls his eyes, his weight shifting beneath her. 

“It was just a dinner meeting with Tony, probably about six months ago.” Really, she should sit up, but she's too comfortable and he’s really warm. Her eyes squint in the direction of the screen and she stifles a yawn. “What are you watching?”

“I think it's called Lord of The Rings.” The Soldier shrugs. Chrissy notices that the movie is almost done. Having seen it a fair amount of times, she's aware how long this particular film is. 

“I slept through all of that and you didn't wake me?” It's his turn to yawn. “Jeez Bucky. And why are we lying down?” Carefully she pushes herself up, trying not to elbow him in the ribs or anything else. 

“You didn't look comfortable.” A reasonable explanation. He sits up and turns the television off with the remote. “Didn't realize how long that one would be.” His palms are rubbing his eyes.

“You do know that there are two more after this one...right?” Wrapping the blanket around her body, she watches as the man stands and stretches.

“You've got to be kidding me. I knew that ending seemed off.” He looks down at the woman still sitting on the couch. “It was long, but it was alright.”

“So watching movies...so far, so good?” A small attempt to start a conversation involving something she knows for certain makes him uncomfortable talking about. 

“So far. No flashbacks or anything like that. If that’s what you’re asking.” Bucky picks up the empty bowl and stares at his friend for a moment. “Next time, you either go to bed or you have to stay awake.” He points an accusing finger in her direction. “I'm not your personal air mattress.” He laughs while brushing off her vision of daggers.

* * *

Bucky and Chrissy are sitting at the dining table, laughing and conversing while they finish breakfast. The television in the living room is turned on and the duo heads over to see what has Charlotte so concerned.

Chrissy has to sit down when she sees what's happening on the news. The Avengers are shown fighting off what looks like an army of Robots in Sokovia. There's a massive chunk of the city that's been torn from the earth and is slowly being elevated skyward. Then Chrissy spots Clint, Nat and someone she doesn't recognize, rushing civilians onto an airship.

“What the hell…” Bucky's scanning the screen searching for any sign of Steve. 

Chrissy has both hands pressed against her lips, too in shock to really hear anything the news reporter is saying. Bucky's standing next to her, tense and worried.

Finally, they see Tony and Steve. They are double teaming some of the large robots. The Captain takes a hit from behind, falls down hard and as usual gets right back up. Unable to watch anymore, Bucky heads to the back deck, the patio door shuts briskly when he exits the home. 

Chrissy wants to make sure her friends make it out safe, but finds that she's unable to watch anymore. What if one of them end up killed on screen? She's seen enough death to last a lifetime. She can't force herself to sit by and witness more.

She pulls on a sweater, grabs Bucky's jacket and heads out to look for him. Not having to go far, she finds him sitting on the stairs, his hands rubbing together nervously.

“Here, it's cold.” He nods his thanks and slips into the warm flannel. She sits down beside him and entwines the fingers of one of her hands in his. “He'll call. When it's all over...he'll call.”

“I should be there...I could be helping. He asked me to join…if something happens...” A deep breath escapes his lungs. If Steve gets hurt or worse, Bucky will blame himself. 

“Don't do that to yourself. You and Steve both know you're not ready for anything like that yet.” Chrissy can feel his fingers tighten around hers. “Charlotte will alert us as soon as the Quinjet is back en route for the tower. The hardest part is the waiting.”

Bucky's teeth smooth over his lower lip. He's never been the waiting type. She's right, it's worse.


	8. Chapter 8: Circumstances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So a quick update. I'm doing the NaNo challenge this month, and won't have as much time for this fic as I usually do. But I will work on it when I do get extra time. Please Remember to Read and Review. And again, thanks for all the followings, faves and so on, it's really nice to see my inbox flooded with that sort of thing all the time.
> 
> Disclaimer : Most of this is Marvel owned. Depressing.

** Chapter 8: Circumstances **

 

Charlotte notifies Chrissy when the Quinjet departs Sokovia and when it arrives safe and sound in New York. An entire day goes by without a single word or text from any of the Avengers. Neither of the farm’s occupants get any sleep. 

The Soldier had become restless quickly. After tending to the animals, he heads out to the workshop. Training, he informs in a gruff voice. The taunting sway of the punching bag only fuels his aggravation. Stupid thing, why won’t it bust? 

Chrissy’s sipping on her fifth cup of coffee when the sun’s finally rising. This is something she has sadly become accustomed to years ago, long days or nights, pacing while waiting for that phone call.

Morning light pools in as Bucky opens the front door discreetly and enters the home. Muscles aching, footsteps remain barely audible as he’s about to make his way upstairs. Bucky spots Chrissy sitting at the dining table, head resting in her hands. Not wanting to frighten the woman, he clears his throat so that she’s made aware of his presence. “I thought you’d be sleeping.” 

“No way.” A sad smile. Shadows are beginning to appear under her eyes, fatigue clearly starting to set in. “You should eat.”

“You should sleep.” A chair is dragged out and he sits heavily, energy drained.

“So should you.” This conversation is pointless, they know it. At least the air is filled with anything but the deafening silence. “How about I make us some breakfast. And you look like you could benefit from a nice hot shower.” A compromise of sorts. “And then…”

Chrissy’s cell phone begins to ring and vibrate across the table. She looks at Bucky quickly and sees his jaw clench. Apprehensively, she picks up the phone, T.Stark flashing on the screen. Her thumb swipes the screen to speaker and she answers the call with a shaky voice. “Tell me you all made it out alive.” 

Stark lets out a shallow uneven breath. Something’s not right. “Yeah, we’re good.” There’s a pause. “Have some new recruits. Three...well two would be more accurate.”

There’s something important he’s trying to ease into the conversation. Chrissy presses clammy palms against her thighs, trying to be patient, but becoming more anxious by the second.

“One of them…” Voice cracking, Tony shrugs off the guilt and continues. “Pietro, that was his name…He gave his life saving Barton and a kid. His sister Wanda...she's devastated.”

“Oh no…” Even though she's never met these two people, Chrissy’s heart breaks for the surviving sibling. Immediately her brain is in overdrive, maybe she can help this woman.

“I know you’ve probably been up all night...waiting to hear from someone. Sorry bout that. We kind of got our hands full over here right now. Sokovia has a giant hole where a city used to be. Jarvis is a sentient being, with crazy abilities... I don't even know what to say about that. Banner took off...even Nat has no idea where he went.”

“What?! Jarvis is a what? And Bruce…” Alright, this is all a bit too much to digest at the moment.

“Yeah. It's a circus. Ross wants us to relocate the Avengers facility. Probably for the best. I know you have a million questions, but I'll have to get back to you when there's more time to explain everything. Cap’s busy right now trying to calm things down...somehow, I managed to sneak out for a minute. Guaranteed they'll notice my absence…but we're alive Chris. Bruised and tired, but alive.”

The raspiness of Tony’s voice, something’s affecting him, more than New York did, and that's saying a lot. “Tony...just, take care of yourself. Alright? If there’s anything I can do…”

The Iron man sighs, exhausted. “Not at the moment. Thanks Chris. We'll get back to you as soon as the dust settles on this end.” The call ends and both Chrissy and Bucky are left feeling unsettled. Ecstatic that their friends are still breathing, uneasy with what the future holds.

The Soldier places a hand on the woman's shoulder. “I'm gonna get cleaned up.”

Chrissy pats his hand, thankful she's not alone in this big empty house today. “I'll get started on that breakfast.”

Reaching the solitude of his room, Bucky shuts the door and rubs a hand over his face. Unsure of what he’s actually feeling. Steve’s alive and safe, that’s good. Idiot. Punk. So he’s relieved, that’s what this is. Relief. It’s nice to know that the others are safe as well. 

However, there was a casualty. Poor kid. So young. What a waste. He sighs. The death of this young man affecting him far too much for some reason. A memory of bodies lying lifeless in a field, young men in military uniforms, some still clutching letters they never got to send. Others missing limbs or worse. Mud, blood, smoke and fog. 

His heart is racing. Panic? Now? Why? He needs to calm down. Sitting at the edge of the bed, gripping the bedding, Bucky tries to make sense of it all. Steve means a lot to him, and he knows why, but something feels like it’s missing. The memories are there, and every day more gaps are filled, but he doesn’t own them, not yet anyways.

Another flash of a memory, the same one he’s seen a hundred times before. Steve frantic, reaching out towards him on the ledge of a battered train, fear in his eyes as the wind and snow whip past his face. Their fingers almost touching as they both struggle to stretch out even further. Bucky remembers hearing his name being shouted as he plummets towards the icy abyss. Darkness. 

Terror, that’s what he remembers seeing in the other man’s blue eyes when he fell, Steve had been devastated. He had meant something to this man, they were friends. More than that, they were family. Then the look this same man had given when he realized who the Winter Soldier was, recognition and disbelief. When the Captain had said Bucky’s name out loud, it had reignited an emotion and memory in the Soldier, but it had made him confused and a little disorientated. 

Steve’s alright, he reminds himself. 

Relief. 

Breathe.

The smell of bacon and French toast hits his senses as soon as he exits the bedroom, causing his stomach to send a reminder that he hasn't eaten all day. Alright, maybe he's a little hungry.

A loud clang and Chrissy curses softly. Buttoning his shirt as he rounds the corner into the kitchen, Bucky can see that Chrissy is already starting to wash the dirty dishes. “Did you eat yet?”

“Oh, no. Waiting for you.” She places the frying pan into the hot soapy water. “Was just keeping busy.” 

Bucky can tell that her nerves are frayed. The counters are filled with different assortments of foods. The dishes, that she's still tending to are stacked. Apparently, she goes overboard with cooking when she's upset or bothered by something. He raises a brow as his eyes scan the kitchen, this is an odd behavior for her. 

Chrissy’s wiping down the stove when Bucky reaches from behind to grasps her hands. “Stop.” 

Shoulders drop as she takes in a shallow breath and lets go of the dishcloth. When she turns around, emotions unreadable, he pulls her into a warm hug, pressing his chin against her forehead. Arms confined within the tight embrace against his chest, she's unable to return the gesture, but relaxes within his grasp. “Come on, we should eat...maybe go for a drive later? I need to pick up a few things in town anyways.” There that should keep her mind off things.

“Are you willing to learn how to access your account?” Chrissy scoffs and pulls away to look up at his face. 

“Sure. Well, sort of...we need to get out for a bit and it's the only thing I could think of. I'll help you clean up after we eat, then we can head out.” His hands quickly rub her arms and then he heads towards the table. 

“Alright.”

* * *

It’s a long enough drive when you are actually following the speed limits. The last time Bucky had driven down this road was when he brought Chrissy to the hospital. This not so fond memory causes him to shift in the driver's seat. Glancing quickly at the woman beside him, the Soldier notes that she’s unusually quiet.

Head resting against the window of the door, Chrissy continues to stare down the road. The rain that had begun as soon as they left, now just a light drizzle making the day even more gloomy. Great, just another thing to bring down her mood. The low music of the radio and the noise of the windshield wipers as they glide by every so often, begin to lull her to sleep. Eyelids heavy, she decides to get a few minutes of rest.

Just as sleep is about to claim her, the breaks to the Chevy are all but slammed. “Jesus!” Wide awake and alarmed, Chrissy’s hands brace herself against the dash. “What’s going on?”

Before he can answer, Bucky’s put the truck into park and opening the door. Chrissy watches as he makes his way around to the front of the vehicle, bend down and then calmly walk back. When he hops back into the Silverado, damp from his small walk, Chrissy lifts a brow in his direction. “What was that about?”

He’s looking at something concealed in his jacket before he brings his attention back to his friend. A side grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Almost hit it.” Right, that didn’t clear up anything. She waits patiently, knowing he’s bound to explain himself. Crossing her arms, Chrissy leans against the seat and waits.

“Well?” She laughs gently. Why does he suddenly look extremely pleased with himself? 

The Soldier shakes his head and smiles, a bit of teeth showing when he reaches into his coat. Without saying anything, he pulls out a tiny handful of grey fur. The little soaked ball meows as it grips onto his hand. Tiny claws grip at his flesh, eyes like sapphires search the cab of the truck, terrified and cold the small kitten shakes. “I don’t think I can leave it out here. This feels like the right thing to do.” There’s another meow. Bucky holds out his hand, offering the animal to Chrissy. 

“The poor thing.” She removes her bright orange scarf and wraps the kitten in it. “It’s so little...I wonder what happened. Why is it out here?” 

Thinking on this for a moment, Bucky decides to investigate. Quickly he wanders down both sides of the road. He’s dripping wet when he gets back. “Nothing. No others.”

Chrissy knows that some cruel person probably left this poor animal out here to die. She brings the little creature up to her face and rubs her cheek against it’s now dry fur. “Looks like you have a pet.” A laugh escapes her lips when she sees the look on Bucky’s face. His eyes widen as he stares back at her.

“What? I don’t know what to do with that.” He’s trying to inform as the woman gently thrusts the animal back in his hands. Bundled in a brightly colored scarf, purring, the kitten falls asleep. Sighing heavily, Bucky places the bundle beside him and shakes his head. He had been hoping to brighten her day a little, she was suppose to smile and keep it, not hand it back. Surprise. “I’m not keeping it. When we get to town...I’ll find somewhere to bring it.”

“Right.” The evil woman smiles. “Well it’s still a bit of a drive, gives you enough time to think of a name.” Her tongue runs along the inside of her mouth, trying not to laugh once more. The Soldier grunts.

As they continue the drive, the rain stops, nothing but dark clouds and a light wind blowing now. “So here, this is yours. You don’t need to remember anything special, it’s attached to your account.” Chrissy holds out a credit card and waits for him to take it.

“Fine.” He swallows hard and takes the piece of plastic while keeping his eyes on the road. “But I’m giving it back right after.” Why does the thought of money or anything that closely resemble it bother his nerves so much? Maybe because he’s never had to worry about it for the past seventy years. Almost feels like he’ll be reprimanded as soon as he touches this small financial link.

“That’s fine. But it’s yours, you can do whatever you want with it.” She smiles warmly and drops the subject. “Are you going to be alright on your own? I was going to take your new friend and maybe pick up a few things myself.”

Bucky pulls the truck into a parking spot near a hardware store and nods. “Yeah, I’ll just be in here.” His eyes glance up to the illuminated sign of the locally owned Home Hardware. 

“I need his name.” Chrissy picks up the sleeping animal and cradles it in the crook of her arm.

Seriously? She’s going to force him to name the damn thing and she won’t stop badgering him about it until he does. The Soldier considers a few options and then quickly decides on one he finds fitting. “Chance.”

“Oh that’s a good name.” Her index finger is rubbing the tiny kitten’s head. “What made you think of that one?” She’s still fussing over the little runt.

Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “Seemed appropriate. You gave me one.” He pulls the keys from the ignition and exits the vehicle. 

“All right, Chance.” She beams. “You’re coming with me.” Chrissy leaves the Chev and heads down the sidewalk. “I’ll be thirty minutes, tops.” She informs over her shoulder as she continues down the side of the road.

After twenty minutes, and a very odd conversation with the cashier about coffee, the Soldier has everything he needs loaded in the truck. A large piece of glass and all the tools to cut it. Checking the time on the phone Steve gave him, Bucky decides to wait a few more minutes before going to search for Chrissy. 

Thumbs are drumming away on the steering wheel when he spots Chriss walking back towards the Chev, arms full of God only knows what. Quickly he opens the door and rushes towards her. “Here let me help you... Crazy woman. What did you do, buy the entire store?” He’s chuckling as he grabs a few bags and a basket from under her right arm. “Holy...is this all for that rodent?”

“He’s not a rodent.” Chrissy scrunches her nose at the kitten as she lifts it towards her face. “Sally, my good friend and local Vet said he’s probably the runt of the litter but other than that is in good health.” The kitten meows. “And no, it’s not all for him.”

“Yeah well, this runt is probably gonna scratch your eyes out.” The Soldier scoffs as he places all the items in the back seat. 

When they climb back into the pickup, Chrissy places the kitten down on the bench seat and adjusts her seatbelt. Seeing the man at the other end, the furball dashes over towards the familiar sight and curls up beside Bucky’s thigh once more. The Soldier sighs, the woman laughs, the kitten yawns.

“He’s so yours.” Chrissy’s trying really hard not to burst out laughing, but Bucky’s making that an extremely hard thing to do. The Big Bad Winter Soldier, has a tiny kitten following him around. How cute. Letting out a puff of air, Bucky starts the truck, ready to return home.

“I got him everything he needs. I’ll take care of that stuff, you just worry about keeping him company.” Chrissy winks and bites her thumb, the only thing she can think of to suppress her laughter. 

The Soldier looks down at the small mass of fur beside him and gently pets it. “Is that a collar?” His fingers are tracing the dark blue band around the animal's neck, he’s not sure if he’s alright with that.

“Yeah, had to. Got him all registered. Even has a tag with his name on it.” 

Well at least there’s no bell.

* * *

Chance follows the Soldier everywhere. When Bucky makes his way around the home the little grey kitten is bounding around his feet playfully. It’s been decided that this rambunctious animal will be more of a house cat. If he were to follow his owner outside, chances are he’d get loss, injured or worse. 

The small animal is rolling around on Bucky’s bed playing with a mouse toy, his tiny claws get stuck in the material of the bedding every so often and this causes the kitten to jump about wildly. Chuckling, Bucky pulls on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and then heads down stairs. Noticing his human’s absence, Chance topples off of the mattress and scatters down the stairs. Finding his owner, the kitten latches onto the man’s pants and starts climbing up his right leg.

A sharp sting of small razors quickly alert Bucky to Chance’s presence. Grasping the kitten around the belly and gently tugging him off his thigh, Bucky raises the kitten up to his face and points an index at him. “No.” The kitten meows, the man sighs and deposits the fur ball onto the floor. “Down.” He warns. Blue eyes blink slowly while looking up at him. “What?”

“Did he sleep?” Chrissy presses her lips together in a fine line, hiding her smile. 

Cocking his head to the side, unimpressed, the Soldier licks his lips and leans against the counter. “He kept attacking my feet and hands. Had to give him one of my shirts to sleep on the floor so that he would stay down. ”

That did it, now she’s laughing. “Oh...yeah. Kittens are hyper.”

“His funeral if he does something like that while I’m actually sleeping.” Bucky imagines the sound of the animals little bones cracking, should he wake up in a distressed state. As annoying as the tiny thing is, he doesn’t wish to harm it. “He can’t stay with me at night. Not until…”

“That’s fine.” She understands and is quite surprised that he had let Chance sleep in his room at all last night. “Lets just keep your bedroom door shut at night. Once he’s a little older, he’ll roam around the house and will find spots he’ll like to sleep in.”

Chrissy’s phone begins ringing. Steve’s number appears across the screen. “Could you answer that?” She’s making herself look busy, writing a list and moving things around in the kitchen. Bucky knows it’s her way of letting him talk to the Captain first, he’s been on edge all day.

Swiping the screen, Bucky brings the phone to his ear. Steve is on the other end, there’s soft music in the background. “Steve.”

“Buck? Hey how are you?” He sounds pleasantly surprised to hear his friend’s voice. 

“Me? What about you? Done getting your ass kicked by a bunch of toys?” It’s good to hear Rogers, he sounds healthy, but there’s a hint of worry in his tone. 

“Funny. I’m good.” There’s a small pause. “A little busy on this end, but nothing we can’t manage.”

“So you’re not getting canned?” Woah, humor again? Is this part of his personality he’s never really been able to explore, because he seems to be doing this more and more. 

“Not a chance, far too valuable.” The Captain snickers. “So, it looks like we are moving the Avengers location to a different facility. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to come up for that visit like I wanted to. But as soon as we are...”

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky can’t figure out why Steve’s so worried about something so trivial.

“But I’ll be there for sure next month. We go every year.” He reassures.

“Right…” The Soldier has no idea what the other man is talking about.

“It’s a fall get together of sorts. Chrissy puts one on every year...goes all out.” Clearing his throat, the Captain tries to approach the next topic carefully. “Have you been able to remember anything else? Any other places that could house a Reactor?”

“Nope.” Bucky takes a seat in the living room and watches as Chrissy goes about her day’s work, she’s pushing on one of the security panels and jotting notes down on a tablet. The kitten is rolling all over Jake, who doesn’t seem to be too put off by the little runt.

“I personally looked into the list of places you gave me. They’re all clean. Too clean, like a crew went in and gutted them out. Probably years ago by the look of things.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the Soldier tries to recall anything else relevant to this situation. “I can’t remember...not right now anyways. As soon as I do…”

“Don’t stress on it. Could be that they don’t even have anything built.” The Captain has his doubts and it’s obvious in his voice. “But I just like to be thorough.”

“Steve…” Bucky stiffens, he’s nervous. “When it does come back to me...I want to go.”

“Are you sure about that?” The Captain’s a bit concerned, but if his comrade wants to try and tag along, maybe it’ll help somehow.

Sighing, Bucky rubs the palm of his hand on his knee. “Yeah...I think I have to.”

“Understood.” The Captain pauses for a moment. “Can you put me on speaker? I’m sure you both want to know what happened in Sokovia.”

* * *

There’s a feeling of panic and mourning as he tries to scrub his hands and face clean in the sink of the small bathroom. The Asset, no that’s not correct, James, right? Where the hell is he? Hands grips the counter as he tries to steady himself. Nauseated and dizzy, he glances up into the mirror, maybe he has a head injury, he doesn’t remember much, that would explain the blood on him.

When James looks up at his reflection, eyes wincing trying to focus, he’s positive that he’s seeing things. The glass is covered in grime so he wipes it clean with his right fist. What in God’s name. A thumb rubs over his chin, stubble, when was the last time he shaved? And his hair, how did he allow it to get this long? His left hand touches the locks falling from his head and then he notices it. A gleam of metal. What the fuck?

Terrified and confused, James pushes himself back and lands against the wall. Allowing himself to slide down until he’s seated on the cold tile, he continues to stare at this foreign object. What’s going on? Where’s Steve? Where’s his platoon? What happened to his hand? Eyes trail up the length of his arm. Does this metal go up to his shoulder? 

Papers are scattered all over the floor in the next room. The Soldier scrambles on hands and knees in order to grab hold of one of them, hoping for a clue as to what he’s doing here.

**November 22nd 1963.** The bold black letters of the newspaper date sticks out like a sore thumb. His heart is racing. That has to be wrong. Knees shaky, he uses the nearby bed as leverage to push himself up off the floor, the gears in his arm buzz and whir as he forces himself to stand. There’s a familiar smell in the air, blood. He catches sight of a woman lying in the bed. That face, a spark of recognition, he’s seen this woman before. Her hands seem to be covering a fatal wound in her abdomen. “Oh god...Chrissy? Oh god...oh god...”

Eyes stinging with tears, he pulls the woman’s body up onto his lap. Cradling her motionless frame, he sobs. Rocking back and forth, whispering in her ear continuously. “I’m sorry...don’t go.” The body is cold, but he checks her neck for a pulse regardless. She’s been dead for few hours at least. 

Pushing the hair from her face, James can see her eyes staring blankly back at him. He continues to sit on the blood soaked mattress, whimpering into her shoulder as he holds her corpse close.

Sweating and shaking, Bucky awakes and darts from his bed to the bathroom. Once the convulsions subside, he has to remind himself that it’s was only a nightmare. 1963, Chrissy wasn’t even born yet. “Just a nightmare.” His new mantra. “Breathe.” The rest of the dream, that was real, everything but her. Quickly he rinses his face and mouth. Glaring at his reflection, Bucky decides to check on his friend, just in case.

Every foot step feels like it takes a lifetime. Inhaling deeply, he inches closer to her room. Trembling fingers push on the door, terrified of what he might find. Bucky’s hand covers his mouth as a gasp of relief escapes his chest. The woman from his dream is alive, curled up in the bed, sleeping. It’s still so vivid, the image of her dead eyes looking towards the ceiling, blood pooled around her body on the old dirty mattress. The smell, the fear, the sadness.

The exhale must have been louder then he had realized, because the woman sits up. “Bucky?” She rubs her eye with a closed fist. “Are you alright?” Chrissy can see his silhouette standing in the doorway. She waits patiently for a minute. It’s dark, so she’s unable to determine what kind of state he’s in, and that makes this situation a little dangerous.

“Hey, sweety. You need to say something.” Crossing his arms tight across his chest, Bucky begins to retreat. “No don’t leave...it’s alright. Had another nightmare? I told you...no matter what time… ” Her voice is soft and caring. “Come here.”

“I had to check...make sure it wasn’t real.” A puzzled explanation, but she decides not to question it. Bucky cautiously makes his way to the side of her bed. “It was a long time ago, I think...but you were there and dead...Jesus Christ...it was probably me...my hands were covered...” Arms flex harder making sure to keep his hands in place while in her presence. She’ll be safer that way, right? 

“It’s ok. I'm fine. It was just a dream.” She tugs at his elbow and he sits at the edge of the mattress. “Want to tell me about it?” Combing her fingers through damp hair she can feel that his scalp is hot. He’s leaning forward, still trying to keep a safe amount of space between them.

“I saw a News article. I can’t remember what it was about, but it had the date November 22 1963.” He’s slouching further, body and soul tired. Bucky begins to tremble, his hands instinctively begin rubbing his arms. “I was so sure that I was him, James. I saw him in the mirror. And I couldn’t figure out why I looked the way I did. Soldiers are always cropped and clean shaven. I wasn’t. Then I saw this.” Metallic fingers are brought into her view. 

“I panicked and went to the next room.” A shaky breath is released as he shuts his eyes tight. “And you were there in the bed…Oh God. There was blood everywhere...I don’t know what happened. I swear...Please don’t make me remember.” Index and thumb rub at his eyelids, regret and shame for something he didn’t even do, but knows he probably could at any moment, should he ever lose himself completely. A small sob escapes the Soldier and he’s all at once humiliated by this act. 

Chrissy surrounds his shoulders with her arms and kneels beside him in the bed, holding him tight and not saying a word. Distraught and embarrassed, the Soldier rests his forehead against her shoulder and clings to the shirt on her tiny frame. The dream had felt so real, he was positive that he had killed someone he cared about. This idea terrifies him more than anything he can think of. To lose someone close to him and to be the cause of it.

“It’s ok.” She whispers against his hair. “You didn’t hurt me or anyone else.” Tremors are running through him once more. What she wouldn’t give to allow this man some peace. “I know how hard it must have been to come to me with this. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” More shivers, so she cradles his face with her hands and places a small kiss on his forehead. “Lie down, I’ll stay awake with you until you fall back asleep. Alright?”

Without making a fuss, Bucky does as she requests. His bare back towards the woman as he curls up on his side. Chrissy drapes the covers over him and begins running her hand through his dark hair. “It’s ok. We’re both safe. You probably feel a bit disorientated.” She tries to sound as calm and reassuring as she can. “It’s 2016 now. The date you saw on the paper, that was a long time ago.”

Her voice light and soothing as she lies down beside him. “Remember what I told you before? How you should try to focus on simple things? Like the lake and the breeze in the fields?”

“Yeah, I remember.” A shaky verbal response, she’s surprised to hear anything from him at all. 

“Good.” She’s trying to be very quiet. “Try taking some nice deep breaths. Think of things that are real and in the present time, to ground you.”

The man turns abruptly and pulls her close, resting the side of his face on her chest, listening to her heart beat. “I’m sorry...is this alright?” Both arms quiver around her waist. “The only real, present thing I can think of. Or know of.” Hoping that reasoning will suffice, Bucky shuts his eyes, and concentrates on the slow steady thumping of her heart. The atmosphere in the room, the aroma of her skin, the familiarity of his surroundings, all remind him of the here and now. 

Familiar. Real. Safe. Alive.

“Yes... this is fine.” She sighs, not with malcontent but with a sickening feeling that this poor man will never be able to truly be free of his inner turmoil. 

For someone so burdened, he seems almost childlike at times. There’s an innocence to the side of him that really can’t remember much. Something as simple as a hug can be foreign and frightening to him at times. Then there’s the side of him that’s terrifying and proud all at once. The side that has all the training and confidence to outmatch and outwit almost any opponent imaginable. Then there’s the middle ground, where Bucky mostly resides. There, he’s almost grounded, finding his footing in the world. Every once and awhile, something nudges him in either direction and he’s lost again. 

“Have you been writing in the note books lately?” Her fingers trail down his neck, where she massages tired muscles, the same way she had shown him a few nights ago.

“Yeah. Every time I think of something.” He leans his head forward allowing her more access. “I have a stack of them now.” He scoffs and then grasps her wrist. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine. I want to. Just relax.” She continues prying her fingers between tense muscles and has to suppress a laugh when he groans softly. “See, it’s relaxing. Just close your eyes and try to get some rest.”

When his body is heavy with sleep, Chrissy tries to think of different ways to help him further. This, is starting to become a habit of theirs. One she doesn’t have a problem with, but one she knows for a fact Tony will have more than just a few heated words about. Oh well, tough luck.

Just as she’s about to fall into a deep sleep, she hears a small meow at the end of the bed. Chance slowly makes his way up next to his human. Purring the little animal nuzzles up into a tight ball near the man’s head. Cute. Chrissy smiles wishing her camera was nearby.

* * *

When Chrissy wakes up the next morning, Bucky’s still in her bed, lying on his stomach, arms hidden under a mountain of pillows. The silver glimmer of his shoulder peeks out from under the sheets. Chance is curled up between his owner’s shoulder and face. These are the moments where Chrissy wishes the rest of the world could witness what she and Steve sees. A gentle heart buried in a tough exterior that he was forced to build to protect himself.

Chrissy looks out the window and sees that the sun has just begun to rise. She puffs out a breath of disbelief, it’s one early start. Maybe she can allow herself one more hour of rest. There’s movement in the spot beside her, so she glances back.

“It’s early sweety, go back to sleep.” She informs as she settles back into the bedding. “And it’s a bit chilly…”

Bucky opens his eyes slightly, wincing in the light of the morning sun. Pulling a pillow over his face he exhales loudly. The kitten yawns and stretches. Chrissy smirks as she quickly leaves the comfort of the bed to close the curtains. “There. Is that better princess?” The laughter stops when she notices what she’s been wearing all night. Oh boy, she really isn’t going to be able to sleep in just tank tops and pajama shorts anymore, specially if Bucky’s going to show up unannounced like this. Should she just throw on a pair of light slacks? It is cold. 

Just as she’s about to grab something else to put on, she notices that the man in her bed is waiting and holding the covers up. He’s not making a big deal over anything, then she won’t either. But from now on, she’s going to wear something more pj orientated. She climbs back into the warmth of the bed and shivers. The floor is really cool, she’s makes a mental note to start lighting the woodstove at night.

“Summer’s been over for a while now. You wouldn’t be so cold if you were wearing more.” Bucky presses his chest against her torso and wraps an arm around her midsection. He’s grinning, she just knows he is. Good thing she’s facing the opposite direction, this way here he can’t see the pink of sheer embarrassment creeping across her cheeks.

“Yeah, I’ll file that bit of advice away for later.” A sarcastic remark. Fingers are trailing absent mindedly along his metal forearm tracing the pattern and gaps between each of the plates. “You should write down what you can remember... from the nightmare.”

He grows extremely quiet, maybe deep in thought, maybe he fell back asleep. There’s a shift in the bed as he adjusts his other arm. “Probably a good idea.” She can feel his breath against the back of her neck as he sighs. “I had another dream. Nothing like the last one.”

Curious, Chrissy turns around so that she can see his face. There’s a need to see his facial reactions when he recounts something like this. It’s an easy way to judge whether or not something is really bothering him. Usually, it’s all in the eyes. Expecting him to recoil a bit when she turns around, surprised when he actually doesn’t budge.

His eyes search the room as he tries to explain what he can remember. “I think I know of a place that could house that Reactor Steve and Stark were talking about.” Something’s making him anxious, he’s chewing his bottom lip and she can see his chest rising faster. “But...if they investigate the area, I want to go with them.” His breathing is long and deep. “I need to.”

“Are you sure?” She’s worried, why wouldn’t she be? Not only would it be dangerous for him and the rest of the team, but he’s taking a major chance with his mental health as well. 

“Yeah.” He runs his tongue along the inside of his mouth. “I’m going to arrange something so that you are not here by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine. Migraines are getting better…” A quirk of a smile, really he should be more concerned for his own safety.

“No.” He sits up abruptly. “If I spend the entire time worrying about how you’re doing...it could get me, Steve or someone else killed.” The Soldier folds his arms over his knees and begins contemplating all of the options. “I need to be focused on the task at hand.”

In a way she’s touched, he’s concerned for her well being and that’s thoughtful. On the flip side, she’s a big girl and is more than capable of taking care of herself. She places a hand on his shoulder and is a bit insulted when he pulls away from her. “Hey...I understand. Clint would probably be more then happy to stay while you're gone.”

“I...I’m sorry if any of that came off harsh.” Hands push his hair back and he really does look apologetic. “I’m...it’s just alot. To go back there…” He’s terrified of what he might find or loose while there. Knowing that she’d be safe should something happen, just eases the tension that much more.

“No harm done.” A warm smile, as always. The Soldier wraps an arm around her shoulders. “I’ll be here when you leave and when you get back. So where is this place?”

“It’s better if you don’t know.” This she understands, and honestly it’s the answer she was expecting.

“When are you going to tell Steve?” 

“Once everything on their end calms down. Not like they can do anything about it right now anyways. And I’m not about to go alone.” At least he’s using common sense. “As soon as I contact him, Steve will want to head out... he’ll send for me. I know he doesn’t have the time for it right now… and he would make time for it. That’s the problem.” 

Now it’s her turn to feel it, that eerie place in the pit of her stomach. As if she's going to fall off a cliff at any second, but doesn't know when, so she's just waiting at the edge. He must sense her anxiety because he pulls her a little closer. “Promise that you’ll come back, all of you. You’ve come so far Bucky.”

He sighs and places his chin on the top of her head. She’s referring to his physical and mental self, and he has no problem grasping her meaning. But is this really something he can promise? Probably not, but he’s going to anyways, it’ll give him something positive to focus on. A tear escapes her eye, landing on her thigh. The thought of losing anyone in her little motley crew of a family, just a little too much to handle. Specially after everything that happened with Ultron, she's a little more worried than usual.

_You better know what you’re doing Barnes, you can’t break a promise to this woman._ “Promise. I’ll be fine. So will the others. We’ll be gone two, three days tops.” _Asshole, now you better make it out of there or she’ll never forgive you._ “If anything happens here…” His hand grasps her wrist gently, thumb running along the gift Tony designed just for her. “They’ll tell me.”

“But what if something happens to you or any of them? How will I know?” This isn't some small thing he's suggesting. It's breaking into one of Hydra’s old bases, that could still be active, not exactly a walk in the park. 

“Hey...they've dealt with worse. I've dealt with shittier odds.” The truth. She's just concerned, and that's something he's not used to. “Have a little faith.” He chuckles.

* * *

Chrissy’s wrapped in a blanket on the sofa, her back leaning against Bucky’s side as she continues reading a book. Deep in thought, he’s researching files on the tablet. Chance is purring, curled up and sleeping by her feet and Jake is stretched out beneath the Soldier’s legs. A lazy night, considering it’s been raining all day, there’s not much else to do.

Jake lets out a low ‘boof’ and his ears perk up. “What is it?” Chrissy leans over to pat the top of the dog’s head.

_“Mrs. Meilleur. You should know that Henry Meilleur is trespassing onto the property again. Would you like me to inform the authorities or would you prefer that I handle this for you?”_ Chrissy knows that the A.I means to sedate her father in-law. 

“Uh no...that’s fine Charlotte. Can you contact Dave?” She lets out a long deep exhale as she deposits the novel onto the couch.

_“Certainly. Is there anything else you would like me to do?”_

“No, no. I’ll handle the rest. Thanks.” Chrissy drags a hand through her hair. “Just great. Never a moments peace.”

Bucky places the tablet onto the coffee table. “Is he going to give you any trouble?” He studies her body language carefully.

“He shouldn’t.” Chrissy sighs and pulls on a sweater. “But...he doesn’t know what me and Connor have been doing here all these years. It’s important that it stays that way, alright?” She sees him nod. “He’s...well...he’s kind of an ass and an alcoholic. I’ll tell you more about it another time. Right now all you need to know is that he’s not welcomed here, but he does show up from time to time and tries to guilt me into giving him some money. Charlotte is calling my cousin...Dave, he’s a Sergeant in the local police department. He’s dealt with Henry before.”

When the beat-up Ford Ranger comes to a halt in the driveway, Chrissy sighs and makes her way towards the door. “I’ll be fine. Just...wait right here. Ok?” 

“Yeah...that’s not going to happen.” He snickers at this prospect. She’s clearly nervous, of what, he’s not sure. Don’t matter, don’t care. He pockets his hands and looms in the doorway as she stands barefoot on the damp steps. 

At least the rain has stopped she notes, small victories. 

The old drunk has a hard time pushing his dented door open. Stumbling from the rusted vehicle, the hinges of the door squealing in protest, he dusts himself off and smiles. Arms are spread wide open, as if expecting the woman to embrace him. “What no hello...or how are you?” 

“What can I do for you Henry?” Stern but polite, this man doesn’t intimidate her, but she’s cautious around him. 

The man drops his smile and leans against the truck. “I can’t stop in and visit?” Chrissy remains silent. “Not like I have any other family.” There’s something shifty in the man’s eyes that Bucky doesn’t trust. “Connor’s gone, thanks to you. Didn’t even give me grandkids before he died. Bastard.”

Chrissy’s shoulders tense at these words. “Did you come here for something specific or just to be a pain in my ass? Connor never put up with any your nonsense and neither will I. You know this.”

When Henry takes a few steps forward, Bucky decides to make his presence known by positioning himself in the light. “And who’s this big fella? Where the hell did you find this one?” The old man scoffs. “My boy wasn’t good enough for you?”

“He’s gone, Henry. Died five years ago.” She reminds gently. “Besides, what I do…”

“So that’s it huh? Con’s in the ground so you forget about him. Typical. So you what...go and get yourself a replacement?” Henry drags his tongue along his teeth and whistles low, not wanting to hear anything this woman has to say. “Got a name son?”

“James.” He answers low, but can tell the other man understands his tone, a warning.

“I’m not gonna hurt your lady...if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m a drunk...But I don’t beat on women.” Henry brings his attention back to Chrissy. “Con’s probably rolling in his grave, knowing you’re carrying on like this. Wouldn’t surprise me one bit if you’d been whoring around like this when he was alive…” He gestures with his chin towards the other man.

“Alright, that’s enough. You need to leave.” Bucky advises. 

Knowing that the man behind her won’t take much more of this, Chrissy sighs. “Dave’s on his way here.” She informs.

“Do you think James here and my boy would have been friends? Pals?” He scoffs and claps his hands together. “You would have liked my Connor. Good man, good soldier.” Henry smiles up at the other man. “Piss poor taste in women though.”

Bucky shifts, knowing he has to stay calm, but he descends one of the steps, hoping to at least instil some sense of fear in the old man.

Chrissy knows this could end badly if it continues. “Leave. I won’t tell you again.”

“If Connor wouldn’t have been such a damned idiot...he would have left you. Might still be doing a job he loved, the only thing he was ever any good at. He’d still be breathing! Instead he’s rotting in the ground...like the damned coward that he was! ”

That’s it she’s had enough. As aggravating and disrespectful as this man is, she’s always dealt with his insults, his vile temper, but for him to disgrace Connor’s memory, it’s too much. Before Bucky can make it down the rest of the stairs, Chrissy punches the drunk old man right in the face. There’s a crack when her fist is introduced harshly to his nose. Henry backs up a few feet, clutching his face. Arms wrap around Chrissy’s waist, keeping her at bay.

“Don’t you ever come back here. You hear me?!” She’s still struggling within the arms holding her back. “You were a horrible father. You didn’t deserve him as a son!”

With a grimace, Henry decides to take a step closer. Alright, no more mister nice Soldier. Bucky pushes Chrissy behind him gently. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you old man.” The Soldier tightens his fists and allows for Henry to catch a glimpse of his metallic hand. That should scare him. The old man’s eyes widen. “You should probably get going, or I’ll let her finish what she started.”

As Henry continues staring at Chrissy in shock, a police cruiser arrives. A tall man exits the car and places a hand on the drunk’s shoulder. “Didn’t I tell you what would happen if you showed up here again?” Seeing Henry’s face, Dave sighs. “Serves you right, I’m sure.” He handcuffs the older man and leads him to the back of the car. Shaking his head, the Officer takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll have his truck towed in the morning.”

“Thanks.” Chrissy has her arms crossed, her mood now sour. “Sorry to bother you with this again Dave.”

“Not your fault.” Quickly, he looks over his shoulder at the man in the car. “How’d he end up with the nose job?” His grey eyes are scanning the man beside his cousin.

“It’s not what you think. I hit him.” She admits shamelessly.

Dave laughs. “No that’s exactly what I was thinking. Doesn’t matter either way. Guaranteed he had it coming.” Again he’s sizing up the Soldier. “Sergeant Dave Cartier.” He offers his hand.

“James.” He accepts the handshake.. 

“Look...I know what goes on here. I kind of need to.” The Officer explains. “When I have time, I usually take Steve and Sam on a fishing trip when they come up in the summer. Steve has always spoken highly of you…”

Now Bucky feels a bit put on the spot, and has the strangest feeling that this man knows far more than what he’s admitting to and is just too polite to say anything.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Sergeant Barnes.” Dave places the hat back on his head. “Well I got to get Henry to the drunk tank. Chris, you take it easy, alright.”

“Will do.” 

After Dave leaves, Chrissy feels like a ton of bricks have been lifted from her shoulders. Hopefully that’s the last time she has to deal with that crazy old man.

“Are you alright?” Bucky shuts the door behind him softly.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” Chrissy is standing in the living room, staring out the window. Trying not to let what just happened bother her. Only words, nothing more. Bucky takes her hand and inspects the red bleeding knuckles.

“How hard did you hit him?” He snickers and forces her to follow him to the kitchen.

She winces when he applies a cold wet cloth to her hand. “Enough to shut him up.” 

“Well it worked.” Bucky pulls out the small first-aid kit from under the sink and bandages her broken skin. “Remind me never to make you angry.” Finally, she’s smiling back at him. 

“I know you’d probably like to know the history there...but I’d rather talk about it another time, if that’s alright.” She’s never been one to pry into his personal life, why should he ever feel the need to do it with her. If it’s anything important, or if it’s something she wants him to know, then she’ll inform him. Other than that, why would it matter?

“It’s alright. I don’t need to know.” Bucky places everything back into the kit. “That’s all part of your life, has nothing to do with me.” 

“No. You live here, you deserve to know stuff about me as well.”

Maybe she’s right. Really what does he really know about her? She was married. Her and Connor took in strays of all sorts. She likes baking and animals. Anything else, well Bucky decides it’s not important. She took him in, gave him a home and he trusts her, more then he trusts his own mind at times. 

“I didn’t like the things he was saying...but you asked me not to get involved. I was trying really hard to respect your wishes…” He feels horrible for letting that man get as far as he did with what he was saying. Bucky might not know everything about this woman, but the one thing he’s certain of is that she does not deserve to be treated like that or talked to in that manner. It really didn’t sit well with him and it still doesn’t. 

“Thank-you.” She smiles warmly. “There was a moment where I thought for sure you were going to tear him apart. You should be proud of the amount of self control you demonstrated.” 

“He’s an old man.” Bucky raises a brow. As if he’d attack someone so frail. Well the Winter Soldier might have, so maybe she has a valid point.

“Don’t think that would have mattered.” She laughs and rubs the top of her reddened hand. “He’s hard headed.”

Bucky leans against the counter and rubs his jaw. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” 

“How much did Connor teach you?” He saw her stance, that’s a trained habit, not a happy accident. 

“Ah.” She smiles, thinking back at all the times she’d messed up while being Connor’s student. “Enough. I can protect myself and shoot a firearm. The basics really. Why?”

“Just an observation.” It’s good to know.

“I don’t know about you, but I would love to get back to reading my book.”


	9. Chapter 9 : Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ohh boy, it's another long one. Hope it's not an issue. I just like long chapters, can't help it. Just want to thank everyone who hand out kudos and who bookmark, follow, reads and reviews this. It's mostly just for fun for me, but I'm glad I can share and that others enjoy it as well.
> 
> Disclaimer : I own Chrissy, that's it.

** Chapter 9 : Faith **

 

There’s a cellphone ringing on his bedside table, 2:38 A.M is what Steve sees on his alarm clock. Quickly he rolls to his side and answers the phone. “Rogers.” 

 

“There’s a spot, in the mountains of Siberia, it has an underground bunker. It’s big.” Bucky’s voice, he’d recognize it anywhere.

 

“Are you still planning on tagging along?” Stretching, Steve waits for the answer he knows he’ll receive.

 

“Yes. Under one condition.” Bucky clears his throat, it feels weird making demands, specially to this man. “I want Barton to stay here with Chrissy...until we get back. Has to be someone I trust...but you’re going to be busy.” Barnes chuckles lightly. “And he can put up with her.” 

 

“Done.” Steve glances at his clock once more. “You know that once the team is put together, we can be there within the hour.”

 

“Yeah. Make it a small team. I’ll be waiting.” Bucky ends the call.

* * *

Chrissy can’t help but display a wide eyed look when the Soldier makes his way down the stairs and out onto the porch. Suited up in black kevlar and leather, buckles and holsters. Bucky places the duffle bag on the bench, sits and puts on a pair of combat boots. 

 

“No gear?” She asks while sitting next to him. He can’t seriously only be thinking of punching his way through this. The air is cool and foreboding, it sends a chill down her spine, causing Chrissy to tug her long sweater in closer.

 

The Soldier gestures to the bag with his chin. “In there.” Bucky knows Chrissy’s no innocent when it comes to weapons and firearms, but he’d rather not have to expose her to any of that if possible. This is his world, not hers. Violence, that’s something she can do without.

 

“You’re ok?” Last chance for him to ditch this crazy plan. “With going back? With all of this?”

 

“Yup.” Bucky pulls on a set of gloves and stills himself for a second. The rumble of the Quinjet in the distance can be heard. “They’re almost here.” He stands and looks down at his friend, unsure if he’s suppose to do or say anything. What’s the protocol for something like this he wonders.

 

Exhaling, Chrissy glances towards the tree line, a small dot of a jet is heading towards her home, the sun hasn’t even started to rise yet. “Promise you’ll keep Steve safe, he’s so thick headed. Nat’s usually more levelled. And Tony, he can be careless sometimes. Sam’s a little more cautious, but keep an eye on him too...” 

 

A nod, he knows that the paranoid woman is just trying to fill the awkward silence with noise. Bucky realizes in this moment how little he really knows about farewells. Doesn’t remember having anyone to say goodbye to.

 

Chrissy lets out a puff of air and stands, hands rubbing together anxiously. She’s unsure whether or not he’s really holding up inside. “Take care of yourself. Ok?” 

 

Bucky sighs and bends slightly, arms open, allowing her to embrace him. Her hands grip gently at his hair and shoulder. She feels smaller than usual in his arms, why is that? Resting his chin on her shoulder, the Soldier squeezes her sides a little harder when he hears the familiar sound of the aircraft landing. It’s strange knowing that someone will be back here, anticipating his return. Feels oddly nice.

 

“Gotta go.” He shakes the hair from his view and feels a warm breath against his cheek as he pulls away. Stop being a coward, get on that flight! The Soldier’s brain is screaming at him, so many different conflicting opinions. You’re nuts! Don’t you remember what’s back there? What they did to you there?

 

As the wind blows, forcing dust and leaves to swirl by, Bucky can see Clint heading towards him. “Barnes.” The man shakes his hand in a tight grip. “Safe trip man. Don’t worry I’ll keep an eye on her.” Bucky nods hoping that shows his gratitude and marches up the awaiting ramp.

* * *

The snow is almost knee deep. The ice cold winds blow through the pine forest, hitting them in the face as they debark the airship. “Remember, it could still be active.” Steve signals for Barnes and Nat to follow. “Stark, I want you to survey the entire area. See if you get any readings or signals of any kind.”

 

“On it.” The Iron man takes flight and heads over the mountain range.

 

“Sam, I want eyes on that ridge.” Rogers points to what looks like an abandoned guard tower. “They might have another outpost near by.”

 

“You do realize it’s freezing.” Sam adjusts his uniform, newly added insulated sleeves, that’s something he’ll have to get used to.

 

“All the reason for you to keep moving.” The Captain grins as he cautiously makes his way towards the double hangar doors. Barnes follows close behind covering Steve’s right and Nat on his left. 

 

They reach the entrance and see an illuminated panel that’s covered in ice. “Doesn’t look like anyone’s been home in a while.” Natasha smashes the ice with her elbow and then begins working on getting the door open.

 

“Yeah. Could be that there’s a different point of entry.” Rogers adjusts the shield on his arm and glances over towards Bucky. “How you holding up?” The other man has a rifle secured on his shoulder as he stares down the sights of the scope.

 

“Fine.” His right eye searches for any signs of movement in the forest. It’s far too quiet. There are no animals rustling about, no birds in the air. Nothing.

 

The Captain studies his friend a moment longer before the creaking of the frozen doors brings his attention back to the current obstacle.

 

“Opened.” Nat pockets her gear and heads inside. 

 

As they make their way down the halls, searching each room, they are surprised to find that although all the machinery is functioning properly and updated, there is no one actually in the facility. 

 

“Something’s not right.” The Captain is checking the surveillance screens and can’t find any sign of life. “Stark?”

 

“Yeah I got nothing. No heat signatures, no extra chatter on any other forms of communications, nothing. I don’t like it. Getting a Silent Hill vibe here Cap... You know what that usually means.” The Iron man decides to take one more pass, just incase.

 

Steve sighs while taking a quick look around the room. “Either it’s a trap or they somehow got word that we were coming and vacated.” Both options are just as unsettling. The Captain looks over his shoulder to see Bucky staring back at him, jaw clenching. 

 

“Exactly. I’m doing one more run and then heading back to your mark. Reach you in five.” 

 

“Copy.” Pressing his lips together, the Captain tries to figure out what he should say in order to keep Bucky calm. He knows what’s going through the other man’s mind, because it’s going through his as well. Could be there’s a mole, could be that the farm is under surveillance. “Barton’s with her.” He reminds, but sees that it does little to quell the other Soldier’s anxiety. 

 

The realization sets in, chances are someone’s been keeping tabs on him, without any of them knowing it. He was a fool to think he’d dropped from their radar, even for a little bit. Now, all Bucky can think about is how badly he wants to return home. That’s not an option right now. In order to fix this, he needs to find these people and make sure they never come close to anyone he cares about or any other innocent being, ever again. Bucky knows that he has to keep focus on this current mission. Clint’s at the farm. Chrissy’s safe and in good hands. Tough woman. Breathe. Rolling his shoulders, the Soldier nods in the Captain’s direction. 

 

Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Steve glances at the monitors once more. “Nat, I want a copy of everything that you can get from these hard drives. Then no matter what happens, you get that data back to H.Q. Understood?”

 

“Got it.” She takes a seat at one of the desks and pops a flash drive into the usb port. “I don’t think they left anything of importance on here...but if there’s a trail, I’ll find it. What are you boys going to do?” Her fingers are typing away on the keyboard.

 

“We’re going to finish our sweep.” Steve gestures to the door and the two men head down the hall.

 

“Should be down at the end, double doors on the left.” Bucky informs. “There’s another panel.”

 

“Nat…” Steve is about to hail for the Black Widow’s assistance on the coms when she responds.

 

“On it. Give me two minutes.” Nat keeps a constant watchful eye on the screens, making sure to track their progress.

 

They arrive at the doors and wait only seconds before the light above turns green. Steve slowly pushes the heavy metal door open and allows the other Soldier to enter first. Rifle and stance at the ready, Bucky takes cautious steps within the large darkened room. Motion sensor lights flicker on and the two men wince as their eyes adjust to the bright white lighting. 

 

Then they see it, an area large enough to house an Arc Reactor, but void of such a device. Steve is down on one knee in the middle of the room observing some markings in the cement floor. “Something was here, there’s indents and wires scattered everywhere.” 

 

Tony examines the room as he enters the large space. The mask folds up and moves to reveal his face. “Looks like they took all the necessary components as well. Computers, brackets...you name it. I’m willing to bet cash that they took the kitchen sink.” Stark makes his way towards the Captain. “That’s about the right dimensions for something similar in size to the one we had powering the plant.” Tony points out concerned.

 

“Alright, we need to figure out where they could have moved it to. Buck, is there anywhere nearby that you can think of that they would have been able to transport this to in a hurry?” Not getting a response, Steve notices that Barnes is not paying any attention to their discussion. The Soldier is looming over some old equipment. 

 

The Captain and Stark share a troubled look. “Buck?” Steve cautiously makes his way over towards the other man where he finds an operating table, some medical tools and a few electronics. “Is this one of the places where they…we won’t let them drag you back here. I won’t let that happen.”

 

Bucky nods quickly, shaking himself from the awful revery. “We should keep moving.”

 

“Guys, I got movement on the South end. Looks like we got some visitors.” Sam informs over the communications.

 

“Well then, let's be gracious hosts and welcome them to the party.” Stark’s visor descends over his face as he calmly leaves the area and heads back outside. “I’m going to ask them politely where the Reactor is located.”

 

“Nat finish up and get out. I want that bird ready to leave.” Steve commands as he and Barnes quickly make their way down the hall. “Sam…” There’s a loud screeching of metal on metal and the two Soldiers are forced to a halt. Large steel doors under the floor open and a half-dozen Hydra agents open fire on them. “Alright, we need to find a different exit.”

 

Bucky is returning fire as Steve shields them from the haze of bullets that fly by. Another door is opened as even more agents file out. “Give me a break.” 

 

Quickly Steve launches his Shield towards the men shooting at them. He’s successful in hitting three and his heels make contact with the jaw of one of the men in the first row. Using the butt of one of the discarded weapons, the Captain hits another man in the back of the neck causing him to limp to the ground. 

 

There’s a grunt of pain coming from Barnes. When Steve looks back, he can see the Soldier pulling out two shallow blades from his side. Bucky whips around quickly and and uses his metallic hand to push the offender's head through the wall. Two other agents tackle him to the ground, aggravated Barnes sends one of them flying with a strong kick to the chest. The other man has regained the higher ground and is just about to pull the trigger in Bucky’s face. A high pitch sonic noise is heard as the assailant is blown down the hall by a beam.

 

“You're welcome.” Tony offers his hand and pulls the Soldier to his feet. An explosion goes off and sends the Iron man and Bucky crashing into the cement wall. 

 

“Pressure is failing.” Friday informs. “The structure has become unstable. I would suggest a speedy retreat.” 

 

“Right. The place is coming down.” Tony announces to the rest of the team. “Get out of here. I’m going to find Wilson.”

 

When Bucky regains his footing, he spots Steve battling a handful of agents. He can see the other man shouting at him, telling him to flee. What? Is he nuts? When is he going to learn that that just doesn’t happen? The Soldier sprints towards his friend, when he sees a man sneaking up on the Captain, who’s going to impale Steve on a piece of pipe. Not today.

 

Bucky tackles the man, metal shoulder makes contact with ribs. Angered, he grabs a hold of the agents throat and rips the man’s esophagus out. He drops the mangled body and then charges the next agent. Kicking the man in the knee, Bucky can feel the bone break. Crying out in agony the man crumbles to the floor. Taking quick aim with a hand gun, the Soldier executes his enemy on the spot. The lifeless form slumps to the ground, blood begins to pool around Bucky’s feet.

 

“Buck, I’m fine. Let's get out of here.” Steve places a hand on his friend's shoulder. A look of panic and horror is spreading across Bucky’s face when he turns around. Hair wild and stuck to his sweaty brow. 

 

“I killed them.” Eyes are dark and frantic like a cornered animal. “And it didn’t even bother me. I didn’t hesitate.” He’s looking down at the man by his feet and the weapon in his hand. Blood, brain and dead men. 

 

“We need to leave.” A large piece of rock falls from above them and lands a few feet away. “Buck!” Steve shouts when he realizes that the other man is still in a state of shock.

 

Shaking his head, Bucky nods and begins to follow Rogers. When they round a corner in the hallway, another piece of the ceiling collapses and pins them to the wall. Steve is able to force the rock up enough to ease himself out. Short of breath, he winces when his sights land on his friend’s good arm, pinned under the large boulder. Looking around the area, the Captain finds a piece of rebar and jams it between the wall and the rubble. Grinding his teeth, it takes Steve four tries before he can budge it enough so that the other Soldier is able to pull his arm free.

 

Barnes grabs his firearm and the duo darts down the hall where they exit the building. Taking a moment to catch their breath, they pause outside next to the Quinjet. Dust and smoke pouring out of the door as the structure collapses.

 

Oh God damnit, Bucky’s positive that his right shoulder is dislocated. He places the rifle against the landing gear of the jet. Steve’s observing the other man with a look of concern set in his features. The Captain gives him a questioning look and the Soldier nods quickly. Leaning against a nearby tree, Bucky waits for the Captain to approach him.

 

“On three.” Steve grasps the other man’s arm and elbow. “One.”

 

Bucky takes in a deep inhale through his nose and grips the Captain’s shoulder for support. 

 

“Two.” With lightning quick movements, Steve pulls up on the other man’s arm and pops the bone back into it’s socket.

 

Grunting, Bucky grinds his teeth. “Damnit! I knew you were gonna do that!” Leaning the back of his head against the tall Pine, he lets out a few quick breaths. Steve tosses him the firearm, which he catches without effort in his metallic hand.

 

“How’s your side?” Steve gestures to the blood dripping down onto the snow.

 

Bucky glances down at his ribs. “I’ll live.” 

 

“We can patch you up…” Bucky is giving the Captain a look that says leave it be, so he does.

* * *

Chrissy is almost finished rinsing the lather from her hair when the power turns off. Standing in the shower, in the dark, she curses. “Shit.” Then there's that sinking feeling, why hadn't the backup power come on? Why was Charlotte not taking care of that right now or at least notifying her of any issues?

 

With cautious steps, Chrissy’s hands blindly find the towel and wrapped it around her naked body. Quietly she opens the door, the darken room sends an eerie feeling down her spine. Carefully, she makes her way to the dresser, pushes back on a hidden pane, where she retrieves one of Connor’s hand guns and slaps in a full clip. With trained movements, she eases her way towards the bedroom door. Why doesn't she hear Clint or Jake? Why isn’t Charlotte’s panel lit?

 

Something’s wrong. 

 

The water from her soaked hair and body drips onto the floor boards, it's the only sound that she can actually hear at the moment. Just as she's about to reach for the doorknob, it turns and the door swings open.

 

Quickly, she draws her weapon on the intruder, but before she can pull the trigger, the gun is pulled from her grasp, causing her to fall forward. The attacker wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close. Chrissy cranks an elbow back, landing a solid blow on the man's jaw. There's a grunt of frustration and his grip on her tightens. She's quick to retaliate once more, but he blocks her next move, a metal hand gently grasps her forearm.

 

“Jesus, Chrissy. It's me…” Bucky lets out a tired exhale. “Calm down.”

 

“Bucky?” The grip on her loosens, allowing her to turn around. “Oh no...oh god...I'm so sorry.” Her hands reach for his face in the dark. She struck one of her friends and that has her reeling in guilt. “I...I didn’t know...and…”

 

Flesh and metal hands circle her wrists. “I'm fine. Nice crack to the face by the way.” He's trying for humor, it's not working.

 

Realizing she almost killed him, tears begin to sting her eyes. Furious, her fists ball up and strike him in the chest. “You jerk! I almost shot you! Why would you sneak up on me like that?” Stepping up on her toes, she wraps her arms around him. A few tears fall freely as she hugs him tightly. 

 

Bucky's returning her embrace. “My fault...I thought...doesn’t matter. Don't worry about it.” His hand makes contact with dripping wet hair, suddenly he's very aware of her current state. In this moment he's thankful for the cover of darkness, it hides the warm blush he knows is spreading across his face and down his neck. “I needed to know that you were alright. Wasn’t thinking of much else...got careless I guess.”

 

“You're back and in one piece.” She whispers, thankful, and releases her hold on him. “What about everyone else?” Accidently, an elbow nudges his ribs causing him to flinch away. “Are you hurt?”

 

“I'm fine and so is everyone else.” Bucky clears his throat and attempts to pry her hands from him.

 

Chrissy waves him off and begins investigating his ribcage with her fingers. He flinches once more. “Don't you give me that BS. You're injured.”

 

“Worry about that later. Where's Barton?” He pulls away from her and looks out the window. There’s a fog rising and the lake is calm.

 

“Probably went out back to get the generator going.” Chrissy is filing through her dresser trying to find some clothes. “Don't look this way, I'm getting dressed.”

 

Again he's blushing. What the hell, is he twelve? Back towards his friend he waits. “It's dark.”

 

“Turn around anyways.” Chrissy snickers. When she's dressed, she places a hand on his shoulder. “There, good to go.”

 

Bucky passes Chrissy the handgun and gently grasps her other hand. “Let's find Clint.” He sees her nod. “No matter what, you stay behind me, understood?” Another nod.

* * *

“Barton’s not in the house.” Steve informs over their communications. “What’s going on?” Steve’s eyes land on Chrissy as her and Bucky descend the stairs.

 

“I don’t know. I was in the middle of having a shower when the power went out.” Chrissy makes her way over to the panel in the kitchen and presses her palm against it. Nothing illuminates, no verbal response, absolutely nothing. “Somethings up...Charlotte’s not responding. Why are you all so jumpy?”

 

“Stark?” Steve’s hoping that Tony can at least shine some light on the situation with the A.I and the defense system. 

 

“Heading to the back. I’ll check to see if Barton’s there as well.” The Iron man’s reply. The lights in the home flicker and then stay on.

 

Bucky turns swiftly when he hears a creak coming from the deck. Rifle against his shoulder, he places himself in front of Chrissy. Knowing that he doesn’t have to communicate with Rogers in order for him to cover the rear. Instinct.

 

The door slides open, Clint and Jake enter the home. “Woah. Point that elsewhere would you?” His hands are up, hoping that the Soldier is being overprotective and not having an episode. “Got the generator running.”

 

“Found Barton.” Steve announces.

 

“Yeah and I found the problem.” Tony sighs. “We’re going to be staying here a few days, I’ve got some major repairs to do here.”

 

“Understood.” The Captain sighs and places the shield on his back.

 

“Alright. What the hell is going on?” Chrissy deposits her gun on the dining table and takes a seat.

 

Rogers removes his gloves and exhales. “The base was empty. They cleared out. Like they knew we were coming.” He looks up under a worried brow. “Then, when we were on our way back Tony couldn’t get through Charlotte to see if everything on this end was alright. Nat set the jet down a few miles from here and we made it over on foot.”

 

Clint seems unconvinced. “Alright, but the power went down maybe ten minutes ago. I’m thinking coincidence.” Hands on his hips, Barton knows they have to be thorough just to be certain, but he also thinks that it would take quite a bit of know how to get by anything Stark designs.

 

“Tony’s looking into it right now. We’ll know for sure once he does a full diagnostics.” Steve clears his throat. “For now we’re staying put. Barton, I want you, Sam and Nat to return to H.Q. She downloaded a bunch of stuff while we were there...maybe there’s some info that might be useful.”

 

“Alright.” Clint rubs a hand over his brow. “You want me to send a jet back to pick you up?”

 

“No. I’ll send word when we have an idea of what’s going on over here.”

* * *

Bucky's sitting on a chair in Chrissy’s room when she enters with a large first aid kit. “I'll heal.” Thumbs are drumming away on his thighs.

 

“Take off the jacket and the shirt.” That’s not a request, she’s not tolerating any excuses. “Don’t force me to use a pair of scissors...you know I’ll do it.”

 

He exhales, annoyed, knowing that what she will see won't help her resolve. “It looks worse than what it is…” Grimacing, he undoes the clips to the vest and peels it off, letting it fall to the floor. Seeing that he's obviously having a hard time, Chrissy gently grabs the bottom hem of his shirt and pulls it up over his head and arms. Hands stained red, she's amazed that he’d been able to walk around this entire time. Blood slowly drips onto the floor as she examines his ribcage.

 

Eyes grow wide with worry when she spots all the fresh markings on his body. “Bucky...what the hell happened?” The incisions are small and deep enough where they need to be closed, but not life threatening.

 

He knew she'd worry too much. Head dipping, the Soldier places his elbows on his knees and doesn't answer.

 

Chrissy rinses the blood from her hands in the bathroom sink and returns with a wet cloth. ”Lean to the side.” 

 

The Soldier does as she instructs. The woman kneels down and starts to gently clean his wounds. “Are you going to tell me what happened?” There's a few spots that require sutures, she sighs, pulls out some thread, a needle, a set of forceps and some nitrile gloves.

 

Bucky can see her threading the needle. She looks up at him, an unspoken request for permission and he nods. “Why haven’t you been tended to already?” A small amount of pressure and then a piercing sensation as the determined woman starts closing one of the lesions. “I know that the jet is equipped with machines to handle injuries like this...and worse. Had you have done that, I wouldn’t have to close you up the hard way.”

 

Again he's not answering her questions. “You wouldn't let them...” She concludes and stitches three different gashes with experienced hands that has him wondering how often she's done this before. Chrissy cleans the areas and tapes down some gauze. “Bucky...look at me.” The gloves are tossed into the nearby garbage bin. 

 

Blue eyes hesitantly look in her direction. “I know how letting someone do these things…” She points to the items in the kit. “Might be a little unnerving, but you need to let them know when you're hurt. If something were to ever happen to you...Steve would never forgive himself.” She stands and pushes the dark-hair from his face. Placing her palm under his chin, Chrissy lifts gently. Focus now on her face, lips forming a thin line. “You need to try...for me, alright. I need to know that when you leave here that you will take care of yourself.”

 

Bucky nods. Without hesitation, arms wrap around her lower back, exhausted the Soldier rests the side of his face against her stomach. This is alarming behaviour, especially for him. Chrissy sighs out loud when she notices how swollen his right shoulder is. Guaranteed that came out and was forced back in at some point recently. 

 

“We should apply some ice to that shoulder.” Muscles tense around her frame. “What's wrong? I’m not going to hurt you... What happened over there? You're all safe now.” She concludes that she and Steve are going to have a lengthy discussion.

 

“Can I stay here... tonight?” Voice just above a whisper, face still hidden from her view, he's embarrassed and afraid that she'll refuse. Frame shaking, Bucky nestles his face against her abdomen. A few things are bothering him. What he did while away, the new information they found and most of all, the fact that the safety for the people he cares about is now threatened. It's more than likely that both Chrissy and Steve's lives are in danger. Even if he were to disappear now, they’d still be at risk. And that’s terrifying.

 

As she stares down at the distraught man, Chrissy decides that she can’t leave him alone. Something obviously has his shaken up. Not once has he ever asked for something like this. After all the months of being here. After all the horrific nightmares that woke him. Not once has he asked for or sought out comfort. It’s something she’s always offered freely with no strings attached, but for him to request it, to seek out affection, informs her that he’s either frightened, drowning in guilt or both.

 

“Of course.” Her hands tenderly rub both his arms. “Why don't you get cleaned up. I'll meet you back here.” She offers while trying to sound as reassuring as possible. “Ok?”

 

As soon as Bucky leaves, Chrissy makes her way to the Captain’s room. She doesn’t bother knocking, he’s probably up waiting for her. “Steve. What the hell happened? He's a mess. Physically, mentally…do you know what kind of impact this can have on him?”

 

Rogers is patient as usual. “Chris, calm down.” The Captain is struggling as he applies a large piece of medical tape over the gauze on his side. Does no one use the medical equipment aboard that damn jet?

 

“Don’t. Steve. I want an explanation, now.” She scolds, hands on her hips, Chrissy’s tempted to start tapping her foot. Watching the man struggle, her expression softens. “He was making steady progress...” With an exhale, she pushes Steve’s fumbling hands aside and finishes the bandaging for him. 

 

“Thanks.” Pulling a t-shirt over his head, he lets out a tired breath. “And I know...putting him in a situation like that... it was the last thing I wanted to do.” 

 

“Something happened over there. He’s acting different.” Chrissy’s examining her friend gently, making sure he has no further injuries. “He asked if it was alright to spend the night in my room…”

 

Steve’s mood changes. Clenching his jaw, the Captain looks somber as his eyes gaze out the window. “Tony’s not going to be pleased about that.” 

 

The woman shrugs her shoulders. “And? I can’t leave Bucky alone, not when he’s like that. What am I supposed to do?”

 

Steve licks his lips and shakes his head. “I don’t know...but if Buck’s coming to you for support, he’s got to be having a hard time dealing. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I’ll do whatever I can...just...don’t ask me to squeeze in bed with you two.” He snickers. But she can see it, how much he cares, just by the way Steve’s eyes soften.

 

Chrissy grins. “You can start by telling me what went on.” The woman sits on the sofa chair and waits for him to explain.

 

“In one of the rooms that we cleared...there was medical equipment and other things left behind. I think…I think it might have brought back some horrible memories for him. The look on his face…” The Captain runs a hand through his hair. “At one point a few of the Hydra agents had the upper hand on me...he killed a few of them. Jesus...he was in such shock with what he had done. He saw them coming for me and didn’t think twice. I wanted to reassure him...but there was no time. It’s not that he killed them Chris...it’s how...”

 

Crossing her arms, Chrissy begins to run a few scenarios through her brain. “This might set him back…or worse, he might start distancing himself.” She’s got her work cut out for her, that’s obvious.

 

“What are you saying? He’s not dangerous...he was just looking out for me. Is there a chance he might take off?” Chrissy doesn’t answer right away and this has him stressing out. “We can’t let that happen. After everything...all those years...he’s finally somewhere stable…here with you.” Steve’s rambling. “Does he need more support? I can relocate here for a bit...maybe… We can’t let him just take off like that again.”

 

“Woah...He did just fine on his own before Steve.” Chrissy grasps his hand. “But that doesn’t matter, because that’s not going to happen. Alright? He probably just needs to realize that he was protecting you. Not given orders to kill some innocent.” That makes sense. “Mental illness...PTSD...all different ways of saying that this is something he will have to learn to live with for the rest of his life. All I can do...is help make it easier, more bearable. He’ll never fully be recovered Steve. But with time and the right support he can learn to manage.”

 

“I know. And I know his measures were extreme...but I would have done the same thing had our roles been reversed.” The Captain admits. “Chris...you should know, he has a few injuries. Wouldn’t let any of us near him…”

 

With a large puff of breath Chrissy leans back in the chair. “I know, already taken care of. Are you guys all ok?”

 

“Yeah, we’re good.” Steve smiles warmly, her concern appreciated. “For what it’s worth Chris...thanks.”

* * *

Clean and in a change of clothing, Bucky waits in Chrissy’s doorway. “Did he tell you?” He's not an idiot, he knows why the woman’s brow is knit with worry. Also, Steve’s room is across the hall from his own, but he doubts that Chrissy was trying to hide anything from him. 

 

The woman nods. “Yeah...he did. Come here.” She pats the space in the bed beside her.

 

“You're still ok with me staying here? Even after…” Eyes search the floor, he can't bare to see her reaction. He takes a few steps closer. Chrissy holds out her hand. “I killed those men...brutally…no remorse...and it didn’t bother me. You’re not frightened by that?” Shadows under tired eyes as he looks up at her from underneath a curtain of hair. He looks so lost, so drained.

 

“No.” A warm smile. “You had no choice. They would have killed you or Steve. I for one am happy to have both of you back here safe. Come on, get some rest. You’re exhausted.” Bucky takes her hand and lies down on his side, head resting on her lap. Chrissy places an ice pack on his swollen shoulder. Her fingers make soothing trails along his scalp. Arm draped over her thighs, he feels relaxed. “Are you comfortable?”

 

He nods and settles against her further, when had this become a thing? Why is he so at ease being this way around this woman? Guard down, unafraid to be judged or ridiculed. Here Bucky can be weak if he needs to be, can have faults and make mistakes. There won’t be any repercussions for seeking out affection and friendship in this space and that alone is pacifying. Why does any of that matter? It’s something he’ll have to contemplate, but not now, later. 

 

The ice on his shoulder makes him cold and shiver, but it’s relieving the searing pain. Gently, Chrissy kneads her palms against his strained muscles. “Steve gave me the abbreviated version of what went on. Is there anything bothering you that you’d like to get off your chest? It might help.” 

 

Goose bumps form over his skin when she finds the tender spots along his neck and shoulder blade. “I'm burnt…can we just sleep? We can talk about what happened... tomorrow. Promise.”

 

Chrissy sighs heavily but agrees. “Alright.” The swelling in his shoulder needs to go down, so she leaves the ice on him for a few more minutes. “Is your shoulder or your ribs bothering you? I can get you something for the pain.” 

 

“No.” He replies a little too quickly and sharply. “Thanks...I’m fine.” He coughs and tosses the ice pack onto the nightstand.

 

Chrissy turns off the lamp. Bucky shifts and pulls the bedding over their bodies. One arm under the pillows, the other keeping her close and pressed against his chest. The Soldier buries his face in her hair and shoulder and tries to rest. Her fingers are caressing the skin of his forearm, it’s calming and relaxing. The Soldier lets out a long deep breath, and then inhales, she smells like fresh soap. He's home and certain he’ll be able to fall asleep. 

 

“Is this...ok? Because if it's not, that's alright.” He's questioning the way they are lying down together, again. Somehow it feels like he's shielding and protecting her lying like this, but still receiving comfort at the same time. But if there were ever a moment where he was making this woman uncomfortable, Bucky would distance himself right away. The last thing he'd ever want is for her to be forced into doing something like this for him if she doesn't want to.

 

“Yes sweetie, this is fine.” She sounds just as fatigued and worn-out.

 

“If...it’s weird or....you just don't want me here…you can tell me. I’ll leave.” But please, for the love of God don’t. Not tonight. If there was ever a moment of doubt on her part, he’d understand and return to his room. No questions asked. Crushed. But he’d understand.

 

“You're always welcome here. I've told you that before and I meant it. And it's not weird at all. You're human. You feel, you fear, you doubt and you worry. All very normal. Nothing weird about any of it.” Chrissy begins to massage his hand, forcing a grumbled noise of content to leave his chest. “I’ve never known you to seek out any sort of...comfort…” She needs to choose her wording carefully, she doesn't want him to think that seeking out reassurance is something that displays weakness. “It’s a natural thing to want. And I’m not about to deny you of it.”

 

“But two adults lying in bed together...like this. Even I know it can be considered a bit inappropriate.” He snickers, trying to make himself feel less childlike, but it’s still not helping.

 

“Does it feel that way to you?” She questions, her words causing him to consider this thought. “Do you feel awkward or as if you shouldn’t be here?”

 

“Nope.” His thoughts have never traveled outside the realm of simple comfort, so maybe that’s why he’s never really thought of this as anything other than innocent need. 

 

“See, that’s all that matters.” 

 

The bed is warmer with two bodies in it. It’s nice to have someone not afraid to be near him, or touch him. Even with the smallest contact, she never pulls away frightened. It’s taken a while, but he’s not thinking of the harm that he had become accustomed to when it comes to another person placing their hands on his being. 

 

“I’m getting used to it…” He’s referring to affection and physical contact, and how to handle and process all of it. “Is that bad? Or is it something I’ll start to rely on?” An honest inquiry. And if he does, is that wrong? “I can’t remember how that’s all supposed to work. Well I have an idea...I’ve seen people in social settings on the streets and in movies...” But he’s just not one-hundred percent certain. 

 

Maybe now that he’s more at ease with human interactions, Chrissy might not want him as close. Will she start to slowly distance herself? This thought sends some sort of mixed jealous anxiety down his spine where it sits in his stomach. Arm flexing, he sighs. Maybe she's preparing him for a normal life and then that's it, there will be no more reason to spend time with him like this. Wait, what is he thinking? This is Chrissy, she takes care of all the people important to her. And he matters to her, right?

 

“You are? That’s so good to hear. No, it’s not a bad thing. It means you’re starting to trust people. Even if it’s just a few people at a time. That’s great news.” She's smiling to herself. Chrissy had been so worried that with recent events Bucky might have taken a few steps back in his progress. But hearing this, she realises that he’s still pushing forward and still strong as long as he has the proper support. “I don’t think it’s going to be something you’ll need in order to survive, if that’s what you’re asking. But you are showing signs of healing mentally. That’s really good.”

 

So in other words, he’s learning to be a person again. With his own thoughts and feelings. Preferences and dislikes. Alright, maybe that’s not so bad. Relaxing once more, he starts to feel the effects of exhaustion set in. “Well, you won't find me in Steve’s room like this anytime soon.” He laughs against her hair and starts to drift off. 

 

“That I don't doubt.” Chrissy lets her body sag into the mattress. It had been so strange not having him around the past few days. She can’t help but relish in the fact that her friends are safe and that Bucky is home. “I'm glad you're home Bucky. It was really weird not having you around.” 

 

“Thanks.” These are words he appreciates more than he could ever hope to express. He tries to remember a time where he ever felt missed by anyone. He knows there was Steve and maybe others, but he can't remember what it felt like to know that people were awaiting his return. 

 

“It's nice to know that I was missed.” A shy admission. 

 

“Of course you were. I got used to not having to do all that work first thing in the morning.” She laughs and feels his breath hot on her neck when he chuckles. “Goodnight Bucky. I hope you sleep well.”

 

“Night. Stop your chatter and I will.” His turn to joke.

* * *

A grey kitten comes running from Chrissy’s room and pounces on the Iron man’s feet as he heads towards Steve’s bedroom door. Sinking his teeth playfully in the man’s socks the tiny creature continues to attack it’s prey.

 

“Where did Chris find you? Seriously, another stray?” Tony sighs and picks up the little ball of energy. He tries to pet its belly, but the kitten latches on, its claws and teeth sink into his flesh. “Ow. You little…” Just as he’s brings his other fist up to knock on Cap’s door, Tony notices the empty bed in Bucky’s room. Tilting his head back and rolling his eyes he sighs heavily. “Ow. Stop that.” He warns in a whispered tone and points at the tiny animal on his arm. The kitten swats at his index.

 

Berating himself quietly, Stark decides to take a peek in the Soldier’s room. When he pops his head in, no one’s there. Checking the bathroom, same thing. “Ugh. You’ve got to be kidding me...” He places the hyper kitten onto the bed and heads for Chrissy’s room. What is he going to do or say? He doesn’t know. Why does he need to do anything? He doesn’t really know that either. Maybe Barnes is just up and outside. Yeah right. Tony rolls his eyes.

 

Silently, he pushes the door to the woman’s room open. The rising sun casts just enough light so that he’s able to see the interior. Chrissy’s wrapped up beside Barnes, the crown of her head tucked securely under his chin. Metal arm keeping her close. Tony can feel his blood pressure rise a bit at that sight. At the same time he can see that this Soldier’s position is strategic. Back towards the windows, shielding the woman from any harm that might come through the glass. He has a perfect view of the room and doorway. 

 

Shit.

 

Tony’s sights stare down the barrel of a gun pointed in his direction. He swallows hard. One, he’s been caught trespassing of sorts. Two, this man is totally cable of pulling that trigger on him. Three, he has no reasonable explanation for why he’s sneaking about.

 

Sleepy and annoyed, the Soldier glares at Stark. “I could have shot you right between the eyes.” He whispers trying not to wake the woman by his side.

 

“I can see that…thanks for not following through by the way.” Stark licks his lips.

 

“You're lucky I think before I act.” Bucky adjusts the hammer on the weapon.

 

“Look...you weren’t in your room...things have been a bit questionable lately...I was just checking to make sure that everything was up to par. Charlotte isn’t online yet so…” Tony shrugs his shoulders and offers an apologetic smirk. “Where did you have that hidden?” He’s referring to the weapon and changing the topic.

 

“Mattress.” Barnes drops his aim and tucks the firearm back where he pulled it from. When Chrissy moves slightly against him, the Soldier sighs and pulls the sheets up over her shoulder. Readjusting himself, Bucky rests his head back against the pillow and falls back asleep.

 

“Seriously?” This man is just going to drift back off into LaLa land like nothing just happened?

 

“Yeah. Now be quiet or leave.” The Soldier warns. “I can easily kill you without making a sound.” That's not a threat, it's a guarantee.

* * *

It’s really hard to move, why? Chrissy opens her eyes. Still a bit tired, a yawn escapes her. The man keeping her near is warm and still sleeping. Her thumb rubs the collarbone under her palm hoping to wake him. The Soldier begins to move slightly. “You awake?”

 

A tired grunt. “If I am...do I have to move?”

 

Laughing lightly, Chrissy begins to adjust herself so that she can leave the bed. “No. You can stay here if you want.” The metal in the Soldier’s arm stiffens and forces her to stay put. “I said you can stay. I on the other hand...” She snickers.

 

“I promised…” Bucky takes a deep breath. He’s going to try to be honest and do his best to confide in this woman. No judgement. No sentence. Chrissy nods, encouraging him to continue. Alright, now just spit it out. Leave out the gory details. Where to begin?

 

Sensing his hesitation, Chrissy decides to help him out a bit. “Steve said you guys found a room where the Reactor could have been?” She needs him to piece things together on his own, decipher what it is he wants to discuss.

 

“Yes…” That’s right, he remembers that room. All too well. He sits up in bed, looking out the window, wondering what it would be like if he would have never went back there. Somethings are best left forgotten. “There were remnants in that room…. Kind of got a few flashes of things they did, a long time ago. At least I think it was a long time ago.”

 

Chrissy’s fingers intertwine with his own. She doesn’t say a word, only waits patiently.

 

“I think...that’s where they gave me that.” Blue eyes glance quickly at his left arm. “Then me and Steve...we were ambushed. A few dozen agents. I saw two men…” His eyes are searching her face, for any sign of persecution or disgust. “They were going to kill him. Something in me snapped. I tore them apart. It didn’t bother me. Still doesn’t. That’s not normal.” He whispers, teeth grinding. 

 

“And that’s what’s scaring you.” Chrissy’s making sure she understands, but still doesn’t seem bothered much. “Not that you killed or how you did it... but that it doesn’t matter to you that you did.” The Soldier nods. “Alright, I understand your concern, and it’s a valid one. But you need to listen to me…” 

 

When Bucky’s posture stiffens, Chrissy knows that his full attention is on her. “Obviously it matters to you. Or you wouldn’t be talking about this right now.” Her fingers tighten around his metallic ones. You guys were in a place that brought up horrific memories. I honestly thought that’s what you wanted to talk about. You’re worried that you have no humanity left... because you displayed no remorse or feeling towards men that tried to kill you and Steve. A man who is the only remnants from your past.” Chrissy smiles. “Sweetie, you’ve been conditioned for many, many years not to feel or care.”

 

It’s not a good enough excuse for his behavior. She’s wrong. The Soldier exhales loudly.

 

“And to admit that you’re worried...because you think there might be something wrong with the way you conducted yourself. Well, that’s a form of caring. Sure your...methods, might have been a bit over the top. But, you realize that. You didn’t slaughter countless innocent victims. You didn’t murder on someone’s command. You protected a friend because you thought he was going to die. I’m sorry your hands were forced once more. And I hate that you were put into a position like that. But don’t for a second think that yesterday’s events were your fault or that Steve wouldn’t have done the same for you.” 

 

“Thanks.” Bucky’s staring at her tiny fingers that are still interlocked with his own. 

 

“When you feel like it. Sometime today, I want you to write down every detail. From the memory flashes, to the way you felt during the flight, all the way up to the fights and your worries on the way home.”

 

“Alright.” He agrees.

 

“This will be a way for you to continue to piece stuff together. More importantly, for the things that still bother you...once it’s on paper, it’s out of your system. Don’t allow this to consume you. What’s done is done. When the ink is dried and the book is closed, I want you to try and let some of it go. I know that doesn’t sound like it’ll do much…” Chrissy knows this is a longshot, but maybe...

 

“I’ll try.” The Soldier pushes stray strands back behind his ear. “It can’t hurt to try.”

 

“No it certainly can’t.”

* * *

A fresh pot of coffee is brewing as Tony makes pancakes and Chrissy goes over the notes on her tablet. “Everything seemed to be normal. Nothing’s out of the ordinary. Not until a few minutes just before the power goes off.” From the corner of her eye, she can see Tony rubbing his chin. “Here...take a look maybe you can see something I don’t.” 

 

Stark takes the device and begins sifting through the files quickly. “Everything that you’ve sent me over the past few weeks, it’s all normal. Perfect even.” The man scratches his head and tries to figure out what the problem could actually be. “It’s going to take me at least a day to get her back online. Tell me I left some clothes here.”

 

“Each one of you have a room here...what do you think?” She scoffs.

 

Stark grasps her wrist, the bracelet is still there, still functioning. “Why didn’t you use this?”

 

“Tony, the power went out. Not exactly an emergency.” She rolls her eyes.

 

Annoyed, he drops her arm. “But it was enough for you to find a gun. Chris come on...” 

 

She shakes her head and pulls out a few mugs from the cupboard. “That was just a precaution. This…” Chrissy holds up her wrist. “Is for emergencies, remember? Besides Clint was here…”

 

Tony lets out a deep breath. “Fine.”

 

Chrissy places a hand on Tony’s arm as he continues looking through the notes on the electronic. “What’s going on with you? You’re acting different.”

 

Eyes drowning in concern and hurt, Tony drags his teeth over his bottom lip. “There’s just a lot of stuff going on. Big important dangerous stuff...bigger than me.” He points to his chest with his thumb. “It’s hard to keep track of it all...and just when I think we are getting the hang of things, something else comes along and...oh would you look at that, it’s an even bigger crapfest.”

 

“Tony...when’s the last time you slept?” He doesn’t answer, only smirks and avoids eye contact. She takes the tablet away and hugs him tightly. “Steve told me about Pepper. I’m so sorry.” The Iron man sighs and wraps an arm around his small friend. “You need to get some rest. I know you like to keep yourself occupied when you’re stressed...but you can work on all this stuff tonight or tomorrow.”

 

“I can’t...I need the distraction…” The Iron man leans back, pulling away. “Besides, I’m making breakfast for once.” A large proud grin. “I can’t guarantee that it’ll be great.”

 

Chrissy grips his hand and shakes her head. “You’re not doing anyone any good if you’re walking around half dead. Besides, a zombie Tony is a cranky Tony no one wants around...that and I’m concerned you’ll blow something up.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Stark pushes himself away from the counter. “That only happened one time…” He smirks.

 

“Yeah and that tractor hasn’t worked right since.” She hands him a cup of coffee and the two friends are silent for a few minutes.

 

Tony is looking over the ceramic cup as he drinks, she doesn’t seem any different. “So...I found a kitten this morning. Almost stepped on it.” He pours batter into the hot pan.

 

“Chance.” Chris smirks. “We found him on the road. He sure is a little ball of energy.”

 

“Yeah...delightful animal. Tore up my hand.” He shows off his battle wounds. “Look I’m not going to tiptoe around this…” He sighs and flips the pancake. “Barnes was in your room...correction bed, again? What’s up with that?” A raised brow as he studies her from the corner of his eye.

 

Great, this is just what she needs, but really it’s something she was expecting. Tilting her head back, Chrissy tries to remain patient. “Wow.” She pushes back a handful of hair. “Really? That’s your concern at the moment?”

 

“Why shouldn’t it be?” He’s confused, what else is there? He’s protecting his friend. Period.

 

“Tony...Charlotte went down. We don’t know why. Someone knew that the Avengers were heading out to that base...and they were prepared...does none of this seem a bit more important?” She doesn’t get this man sometimes.

 

Stark shrugs his shoulders. “No, not really.” He’s serious. Another pancake is tossed on top of the growing pile.

 

“You’re unbelievable sometimes...you know that?” Chrissy takes a seat in the dinning room, trying to put a bit of distance between her and her current annoyance. “Everyone is different Tony…”

 

“Come on Chris. Try to see this from my point of view.” He pleads. “I’m only looking out for your well being. I care…” The stove is turned off and abandoned.

 

“How do you want me to proceed then?” The man’s eyes widen a bit. He has no idea. “Exactly. Have you suffered unimaginable torture for the past seventy years with no end in sight? Did you have people dig into your brain and remove every piece of you until nothing was left? What about your deepest secrets and most private thoughts? Can you still say those are yours and yours alone?” 

 

He’s not answering, all Tony is doing is staring blankly at her. “These are just some of things that they’ve done to him Tony. And let's not forget that they forced him to believe in their cause, their perfect world. Had him so brainwashed and conditioned to obey, that he killed on command. Without question. Made him train some of the best assassins in the world. And when he started to fight back or started to remember...it would start all over again.” Her voice is shaky. “Imagine waking up, never knowing what day, month or year it is. Half the time not even remembering your own goddamn name. Only to know that if you don’t do what these people tell you to… And he has to live with all of this for the rest of his life.” Her eyes water, she’s unable to go on.

 

Tony’s hands reach out towards her and she waves him off. Chrissy can see that this action pains him a bit, but he needs to understand. “So yeah, I comfort him any way I can. Sometimes he stays in my room...sometimes we stay up all night by the fire or watch movies, because he’s terrified of what he’ll see or do if he shuts his eyes…” Chrissy licks her lips, she can’t believe the amount of judgemental crap coming from this man, out of all people. “I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to wake him from night terrors. Or found him lost, confused to the point where he didn’t even remember his name or what he was doing. He’s getting better...but he needs support.”

 

“Chris...I just…” Tony is a little lost as to how to explain himself now. He can’t suffer another loss. 

 

“No. I understand your concern. He was a weapon, their weapon.” She emphasises. “He’s lethal. I get it. But he’s also kind, carrying and thoughtful. Mostly, he’s just so alone and afraid to hurt anyone. The more he remembers, the more he witnesses.”

 

“He’s a victim. I know.” Tony presses his palms to his forehead. He knows all these things, has had a similar debate with Cap, but when it comes to Chrissy, he’s just so protective. “I’m sorry...I won’t stop worrying.” 

 

“I’m not asking you to.” Chrissy is by his side, her arms wrapping around one of his. “All I want is for you to have a little faith in me.”

 

A sad grin splays on his face. “Alright.” He’ll have to at least try. “I trust you...just sometimes maybe your brain is being controlled by your heart.” He smirks. “It’s one of the things I’ve always liked about you...but it’s a dangerous gamble.”

* * *

“Sit.” A stern command as Tony points to one of the chairs in the workshop. “See this…” A holo screen pops up with the blueprints to the prosthetic. “This is all the stuff I need to fix...or it’s going to deteriorate over time if I don’t.” He points to all the red sections. “That’s just from the last time we scanned you head to toe.”

 

“Alright.” The Soldier is remaining patient. “What are you suggesting?”

 

Tony is tapping a pen against the palm of his hand, trying to figure out how to word this explanation. “There are a few things we can do. First option would be to rescan and then fix what you have already. I can attempt to remove any software that might be tracking your whereabouts and I can update most of the hydraulics and all that other neat stuff. Basically give it a facelift...make it quieter and more effective and less likely to ever break or ever need to be touched again.”

 

“The second option?” Bucky shifts in his seat, nervous. 

 

Tony clears his throat knowing that the next option probably won’t please the man. “Well we scrap it.” Tony looks at the other man from under his brow. “Build you a new one. Which would require removing everything they put in there.” Stark glances at the other man’s shoulder. “Start from scratch...from the shoulder joint all the way down to the fingers.”

 

Barnes flexes his hand and then makes a tight fist. “You can do that?” It’s not an option he thinks he’ll take, but he’s curious.

 

“Yup.” The Iron man offers a reassuring grin. “I’ve worked on more complicated areas of the body.” He taps his chest. “Regardless, it’s your choice. I’m just letting you know the options, because it’s slowly going to fall apart over time...inside, that is. This…” Tony grasps the man’s arm and drags the blue pen down all the plates. “I’ve only ever seen this metal a few times before…” His eyes drift to Cap’s shield displayed on the other holo screen. “So the shell is good, might need a few tweaks...but yeah…besides, I’m assuming there’s a bit of discomfort and pain, right?” Tony’s thumb is prying the shoulder blade plate on the Soldier’s back. “Probably here and right in the joint itself. Not like they cared much about any of that. Effective and that’s all that mattered.”

 

Bucky nods. “Yeah...just use to it. It’s something you learn to live with.” 

 

Wincing at this revelation, Stark sighs. The poor guy, he’s been living this way all this time. The scarring around his shoulder and peck always looks raw and aggravated. He’s going to fix that as well. Sure they made this guy their perfect weapon, but you think they could have at least made him comfortable. Sheesh, crazy mad-scientists.

 

Chewing at his inner lip, Barnes starts to go over these prepositions, ones that he gets to choose from. This is his choice. It’s an odd feeling, knowing that he has a say in what happens to his own body for once. “Thanks.” The Soldier rubs his hands together.

 

“Thank me when it’s all over.” Stark pats the man on the back.

 

“No...I mean... Thanks, for coming up with these alternatives and for giving me a choice.” Bucky shuffles his foot against the cement floor, pushing the dirt around, not wanting to look at this man directly. “You didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. I’m well aware that I’m not your favorite person on the planet...”

 

Humbled, Tony feels that tug in his chest. The man sitting in the chair looks so helpless, like as if they were going to strap him down and give him no say in the matter. “Hey...this is all in your hands big guy. And for the record, I don’t dislike you. You’re just a bit of a hot head with memory issues...who happens to live with my friend. Who I care a great deal about. Has me on edge. If you were just a regular hobo...there’d be no issues.” The two men grin.

Bucky nods, a smirk playing across his lips. Chrissy and Steve wouldn’t be alright with any of this if they didn’t trust this man. If they trust Tony, maybe it’s about time he starts to as well. “Can I think about it?”

 

“What? You kidding me right now? There’s no rush. I’m here for a few days...take as long as you want Universal Soldier. Talk it over with Chris and Steve. Maybe that’ll help.” Tony sees the man debate this and then stand. “Either way...you’re still getting that tattoo.” Tony scoffs as the other man leaves the shop.

* * *

Bucky’s sitting at the dining room table across from Steve as Chrissy does the dishes and allows the two men a bit of time to catch up. “So what are your thoughts?” Barnes take a drink of his beer and watches as the other Soldier contemplates the options carefully.

 

“Well, either way you’re in good hands. Tony never does anything half fast. He goes all out every time.” Steve is peeling the label off of his bottle, he’s relaxed, but then again he always feels that way here. “Regardless, it comes down to what you feel comfortable with.”

 

Why is he just wanting for someone to tell him what to do. Nerves, it’s got to be that. He knows this is something that needs to be taken care of. Blue eyes study his prosthetic carefully. But he’s just so use to having all of his decisions made for him, it’s completely stressful to have to make an altering decision on his own. A warm gentle grasp on his shoulder, Bucky looks up to see Chrissy smiling down at him.

 

“It’s a difficult decision I know.” She beams and hands him another drink. “But both me and Steve will be with you the entire time. This is a great chance for you to decide something on your own for yourself. There’s no wrong or right answer here...only what you would prefer.” 

 

Her way of telling him it’s a step he should take, self recovery and all that. “Alright.” Confident he decides that he’s going with his gut instinct. “When Stark first mentioned it...I felt more comfortable with the first option.” His tongue glides over his teeth. “I like the idea of having some of the original design...as a reminder of sorts. I’ve had this contraption longer than I had my original arm anyways...feels wrong to just toss it aside.” A sad gin.

 

“It’s part of who you are now. That makes perfect sense.” Chrissy squeezes his shoulder and heads back to the kitchen. “I’m going to bring some food out to Tony.” She grabs the tray that she had already prepared and heads for the deck. Seeing that her hands are full, Bucky quickly makes his way to the door and opens it for her. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll keep him company for a bit. He spends way too much time alone.”

 

After she leaves, Bucky sits back down at the table and hands Steve another beer. “Chrissy told me that you spent the night in her room.” Steve’s tone is even, there’s no judging or questioning in his voice, only a look of concern. “I’m not criticizing...only...how are you holding up?”

 

Bucky rolls up his sleeves and leans back in his chair. “Alright...I think.” He’s chewing at his lip again, damn he really needs to stop doing that. “Is it weird...that the only time I feel at peace...or that the only time I can relax enough to sleep...even a little... is when I’m here?”

 

Steve shakes his head slowly. “Not at all. Both Chris and this place tend to have a calming nature. Did wonders for Logan. Are you saying it’s this place or Chris that does that for you?”

 

The other man thinks on this question for a moment. “Both...but in different ways...I can’t really explain it.”

 

“And you don’t have to.” Steve sits up and opens his next beer. “I’m just glad to see that you're doing better. That’s all that matters.” He smiles and can see his friend smiling back. 

 

“I already had a in depth conversation with Stark last time...about...well he wasn’t very fond of the fact that I had spent the night in her room...but it’s not like that.” Bucky defends. 

 

Shrugging his shoulders, the Captain drinks his beer. “I believe you. But Buck...doesn’t matter if it is like that...it’s not anyone else’s business.” A gentle reminder. “But as your friend...is there something going on there? You have to be able to understand from an outside point of view what it could look like.” 

 

Bucky stares back at his friend. How can he explain this without it sounding, that way. “I…” He lets out a breath. “I know what it must look like...I’ve been brainwashed for the past seventy years, not brain dead. I know all about the birds and the bees.” He snickers. “Right now...I don’t think...at least I don’t think it’s anything like anyone assumes it might be. I care for her a great deal. Die for her if I had to...just like I would for you.” His eyes look back at Steve, large and full of pain. “I think you both mean a great deal to me...just in different ways.” Even he’s not sure exactly what he means by that, but Bucky’s positive that the other man understands. “I swear to God...if you come over here to hug me.” Both men chuckle.

 

“I get it.” Steve smiles, knowing full well what this man is trying to explain. But he’ll need to figure everything out on his own, it’s the only way for him to grow and heal. It’s the Captain’s turn now to divulge something of importance with his friend. There’s a lump in his throat and Steve has a hard time gathering his words. “You should know...well I don’t know if you even remember her...but Peggy died a few weeks ago.” Steve starts to peel the wrapper off of his other beer bottle.

 

Recognition. Steve can see it in Bucky’s eyes. He might not know exactly who this woman is or was, but Barnes knows that she was very important to Steve. “I’m sorry…” Bucky hangs his head. “I don’t know what to say...I think I remember her...a little. I know that you cared for eachother...but I can’t remember much else.” God he feels like an idiot.

 

“Not your fault pal.” Steve clears his throat. “I can fill the gaps in about her and those days for you another time…”

 

“Yeah...I’d appreciate that.” Bucky shakes his head, how he wishes he could find the words to comfort the other man. But how does one do that when you don’t really remember this woman who apparently meant a great deal to him.

* * *

“I brought you all kinds of goodies.” Chrissy smiles as she enters the workshop. “Including two different kinds of pies.”

 

Spinning round on his chair, Tony clasps his hands together. “Apple and pumpkin...tell me I’m right.” 

 

“Eat your supper first.” She giggles as she deposits the tray onto his workstation.

 

“It is apple and pumpkin.” He smirks as he digs into the lasagna and garlic bread. “God I love eating here.”

 

Chrissy is running her fingers over a few complicated looking gadgets. “What the heck is all this?”

 

“Charlotte’s brain...well kind of.” Tony wipes his mouth and stands beside her. “Figured out what happened. Looks like the small arc reactor I had designed as a power core burnt out.”

 

“How’s that possible?”

 

His supper devoured, Tony starts on his pie. “The one powering my first suit died out too. Horrible design.” He’s looking over blueprints and data charts as he continues to explain his theory. “So I’m thinking, because I designed this for when I first installed Charlotte...that the upgrades I did last month might have been too much and overloaded it. Whatever...doesn’t matter. I’ve got something better in the works.”

 

Tony places his plate down in a hurry and shows Chrissy his holo diagram. “This is a little bigger, but it will power the house, machinery, defense grid and still have lots of juice left over for whatever else I come up with. Could even have a dishwasher installed.”

 

“No to the dishwasher. And Tony...is this really necessary? Do we really need something this powerful?” She’s looking at the design, both impressed and intrigued. 

 

“Why not?” The Iron man starts eating his second slice of pie. “You shouldn’t have to ever worry about a gas run generator again. That thing’s filthy you should scrap it. Next power outage, you’ll be the only one with lights. Unless someone nearby has solar. Pfff. ”

 

“Shush you.” She giggles. “So what’s the ETA on this thing?”

 

Tony winces, his mind calculating odds and obstacles. “By the end of today. I want everything running smoothly before I start any work on Barnes.”

* * *

Bucky’s right hand is shaking. Nervous? Nope, not when it comes to these people. Then what is it? Maybe it’s just the memories of what happened last time that arm was worked on. He stares at his feet that are hanging from the large steel table. Tony’s prepping a few things and he can hear Charlotte giving him some feedback.

 

“Hey...how are you doing?” Chrissy grasps his hand and smiles. 

 

The Soldier looks down at his metal prosthetic. “Good.” His fingers flex and then close. “Just...not the fondest memories of being in a similar position.”

 

“What position? On your back?” Tony snickers. “Some of my best memories are of when I was on my back.” The other people in the room stare at him. “Right...tough crowd.” Tony claps his hands together and signals for Charlotte to start his music. “Sorry I work better with noise.” His rock mix begins playing and Tony is humming along to some Rage Against the Machine. “That’s cool right?”

 

Bucky rubs his eyes. “Yeah, it’s fine. Tell me I’m going to be knocked out though.”

 

“Well, no. Need you to be awake.” Tony places a few odd packages on the table next to him. “This is going to freeze you from here…” He taps the man’s shoulder. “All the way to over here.” There’s a hand in front of the man’s pectoral muscles and another hand on his shoulder blades. “It’s a numbing foam basically...my design...being used in the military on the field for serious injuries and operations.”

 

“Sounds good.” Bucky licks his lips. “What kind of time frame are we looking at?”

 

“A few hours give or take…” Tony shrugs his shoulders. “Alright, music is playing. Time to strip.”

 

“Hilarious.” The Soldier removes his shirt and is not pleased with the bubbling sensation that Stark’s foam causes. “This feels...strange.”

 

“I know, but there are way weirder feelings than this one. Trust me.” Tony winks and takes a drink of water. “You good with needles?” He asks while setting up an I.V. “I just don’t want you getting dehydrated on me.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” 

 

“Alright, that’s a no.” Tony puts on a set of gloves, takes a seat in his wheely chair and rolls over to the table. “Foam should be good, let me wipe it off and we’ll start.” 

 

Steve’s standing beside Chrissy who’s still holding Bucky’s hand. Crossing his arms, the Captain watches as his friend lies back and rests his metal arm out on an extended table. Within minutes, Tony has the compartments open and he’s surveying everything before him. 

 

“Charlotte give me a high rez scan and I want to see where all the nerve endings are connecting.” The A.I does as he asks and a holo map of the prosthetic is spread out before him. He was right, all the insides have got to go. “You feel anything...anything at all. You tell me, alright?”

 

Bucky nods and swallows hard. For four hours he stares at the ceiling while Stark works on his arm and shoulder. There’s sparks, grinding and soldering, but not once does he feel any discomfort or pain. That’s a pleasant change. Every once and awhile, Bucky can see the other man from the corner of his eye. Wiping his brow and cursing gently. As the hours tick by, more and more of the defective components are piled on the floor. The last thirty or so minutes Tony is cleaning up as Charlotte runs an air compressor and completes a few last touches.

 

“Alright. All set.” Tony grins. “This is all the junk I took out and replaced.” The Iron man holds up a bin full of metal parts, wires and who knows what else. “You won’t have to ever oil anything ever again Tin Man.” The man scoffs. “So you want to keep this garbage as a momento or toss it?”

 

“Toss.” Bucky replies as he begins to sit up. 

 

“Here.” Tony hands him a bottle of water. “I want you to grab this with your left…”

 

So that’s what the Soldier does. When Bucky grasps the bottle, he can feel it. The plastic, how cold it is. What the hell? His eyes look at the bottle amazed and then he quickly looks up at Tony who’s smiling. 

 

“You can feel it...I know.” Tony grins. “I replaced the software. So the sensations are going to be recorded much better and transfer to the nerve endings that run through the shoulder much faster...it’s as close to real as I can get.” Not only will this improve his quality of life, but he’ll be much more proficient at everything. 

 

“Wow.” Bucky’s eyes trail up his arm. The plates are all straight and line up perfectly now, not even the smallest gap, which means nothing should be able to get in there and cause any damage. He runs his right hand over his improved arm. “Holy shit. It’s warm.”

 

“Well, body temperature. I can’t imagine that having cold metal pressed up against your bare skin is all that great.” Tony’s eyes drift over to Chrissy, who takes his meaning and rolls her eyes.

 

When the Soldier’s gaze lands on the insignia on his shoulder, he has to pause for a moment. A small smile of gratitude. He wipes a hand over his mouth, feeling a bit sentimental. Cap’s shield with all it’s bold colors, red, white and blue is displayed tastefully over the old red five pointed star.

 

“Thought you’d like to have some reminders. Decided to leave it there, but to still change it up.”

 

Chrissy walks around to the other side of the table and runs a hand over the man’s shoulder. “Oh my...Tony that’s gorgeous. Steve…” She waves the other Soldier over.

 

The Captain can’t help the bold bright smile on his face. “Some of your best work Tony. Bout time you do a paint job that’s not just red and gold.”

 

“Yeah well don’t get use to it.” Tony smiles warmly when Chrissy places a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I’m in a giving mood today.”

 

Barnes slides off the table and flexes his fingers. Rotating his arm, he notices how much quieter it is. That’s going to make a big difference in many aspects of his life. “I don’t know what to say…”

 

“First off...tell me how the shoulder feels.” Tony rubs his jaw and waits. “Hit the bag a few times.”

 

With a smirk and a closed fist, the Soldier makes his way towards his enemy, the Stark punching bag. He hits it a few times and is happy to finally see a puncture. Bout damn time. Again Bucky rotates his arm. Nothing, no pain, no pinching or twisting.

 

“Nothing.” He can’t stop the grin on his face. For the first time in years, he’s not cold or in constant pain. That alone is going to be something very odd to adjust to. “It feels stronger.”

 

“Yeah that’s because it is. And now because you have the proper sense of touch, you’ll be able to judge your throws much better.”

 

“Thank-you.” Barnes holds out his hand and Tony shakes it. 

 

“Anytime. Oh by the way, the swelling around the metal backing should go down now that you’re not constantly being tortured by that thing.” 

 

“Again thanks.” Bucky looks down at his arm one last time before putting his shirt back on. It almost feels wrong to cover it now.

 

Tony’s just happy to know that the man who’s living here has a reliable appendage now. Also, if he ever sees those two curled up together again, at least the bright, red, angry star won’t be staring back at him. It seems less of a weapon of death now this way. 

 

“The Iron man has a heart.” Steve laughs. 

 

“Does that make you the Lion?” Tony jabs. “Chrissy’s Dorothy? Is that it? Wait who’s Barnes? We can’t have two tin man’s in this story...and Jake’s way too big to be Toto.”


	10. Chapter 10 : Never Finished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy Guacamole! This is a violent chapter. If you're not a fan of that sort of thing, well this might not be for you. Again, I want to say thanks to all the faves, bookmarks, kudos and comments. It's great to know that people like this silly little fic. As usual, hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: This is all Marvel owned, accept Chrissy, she's mine.

** Chapter 10 : Never Finished **

 

Dodge a punch, block a kick. Repeat. The Asset moves aside, tilts his head out of the way, or uses his arm to block any incoming advances easily. Leather creaks and protests against the lightning quick movements. Then, there’s a tremendous amount of pain in his right shoulder as a young man plunges a knife into the flesh and muscle there. The Asset is annoyed, why does he have to take a beating just so this dumb ass can learn how to fight properly? The commanding officer in the room finally gives him the order to strike back. Time to see what this recruit can do. 

 

After a few quick blows, it’s apparent that this initiate can’t do much but die painfully quick. A body lies at the Soldier’s feet. A dark-haired man, lifeless, lying in his own blood, windpipe ripped out of his throat and hanging in the grasp of The Asset’s left hand.

 

Well, that’s something. Blood drips from metallic fingers as the Soldier stands at the ready awaiting further instructions.

 

The Officer is walking around the young man’s lifeless form. He’s informing the others that they will suffer a fate far worse should they fail their training or disobey at any time. The end goal is for them to at least hold their ground against this man, the Winter Soldier. The Officer twists and pulls out the blade that’s still lodged in the Asset’s shoulder, who doesn’t even flinch. Blood trickles down, slow and thick underneath his clothing. How he hates that feeling.

 

A scientist comes forward, he’s old, short and balding, he’s informing these men that the Soldier before them will only act on their commands. He will never sleep, strike or kill unless instructed to do so. The old man in the white coat is now talking to people behind the glass of the observatory as he gently places a red journal down onto the nearby table. Oh no, they want a demonstration. The depths of his words need to be proven. The Officer hands the dagger to one of the recruits.

 

The Asset is instructed to remain still until further notice. What happens next, isn’t a surprise. He’s stabbed, slashed and beaten to the point where his own blood can be heard running down the drain in the middle of the room. Light headed, the Soldier falls to his knees. Someone is shouting at him, ordering him to stand up. Blinking forcefully, oxygen leaving his body through large puffs of breath, he does as they command. There’s a bright flash of light when a sudden sharp pain hits him square in the chest. A copper taste in his mouth. His body slumps to the floor with and sickening thud.

 

Bucky is sitting up in bed, chest heaving, skin clammy and cold. Fingers are searching his bare chest for the puncture wound he’s positive was there a moment ago. All he finds is an old scar, it's fairly small and quite faded. Where’s all that blood? Shallow shaky breaths. It hurts to breathe. Eyes adjusting to the darkness, he notices Chrissy standing in the doorway patiently.

 

“I heard you shouting.” She swallows the lump caught in her throat. “You were thrashing when I opened the door. I was waiting for you to calm down...but I didn’t want to leave you alone.” 

 

“I-I’m sorry if I woke you.” Prosthetic hand runs over his face, trying to convince himself that this is real, and the other thing, that was a dream, a long forgotten memory. One that really could have stayed buried. Again, his fingers are searching for wounds, he’s not totally convinced he came out of that unscaved. Well his shoulder hurts, but isn’t that from a different injury? Leaning over the side of the bed, the Soldier checks the floor to make sure that there’s no corpse there. Didn’t he just kill someone? She doesn’t need to see that.

 

“Bucky, are you alright?” Chrissy takes a cautious step forward. “Talk to me, maybe I can help.”

 

“I killed him. I thought for sure that he’d be…right here...” Bucky checks the other side, there’s no one lying on the floor there either. What the hell? Confusion and panic is setting in. Heart is hammering, pulse is rising. Running both hands through his hair, the thought of this being a test is causing anxiety to build. His mission, what was it? “Did I do something wrong? Do I have to restart? I can’t remember.”

 

Chrissy makes her way to the side of his bed, concern set in her features and body language. “There’s no test, Bucky. You had a nightmare. Probably about something that happened to you a long time ago. You have them every night, but this time around was a really bad one. It’s got you shook up a bit. That’s all.”

 

Bright tired eyes search her face, maybe there’s truth to her words. “A nightmare.” Eyelids shut tight as he repeats her words.

 

Chrissy nods. “That’s right. You’re safe here, remember?”

 

“But I saw a recruit and I killed him...I thought for sure…” When he goes to lean over the bed to inspect the floor once more, Chrissy grabs his forearm.

 

“There’s no dead body. No blood. I promise.” The muscles in his frame relax slightly.

 

Gently, Bucky takes her hand. The structure of her bones feel so fragile compared to his own. He presses Chrissy’s palm against the side of his face, there’s a need to reassure himself that this is real, and that he’s really here with this woman and she’s not a threat. 

 

“Better?” Her thumb rubs his cheek.

 

“I think so.” The Soldier can feel the tremors starting in his chest, he’s suddenly chilled to the bone. Shivering, Bucky pulls his knees up, trying to contain his body heat. Doesn’t he usually vomit? Part of the ritual, right? But the urge to retch never arises.

 

“I can stay if you need me to.” The Soldier doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t refuse either. Chrissy climbs under the covers and lets him rest his head against her shoulder as they lie back. Still shaking, she brings the comforter up and rubs his back, trying to spread warmth. “I can get another blanket.”

 

His head shakes sharply. “No, I’m fine. It’ll pass.” Arms wrap around her as he exhales deeply, partially from exhaustion and partially from humiliation. Showing weakness, not something he’s entirely use to, because usually he’d be reprimanded for something like that. Chrissy’s warm, and her heart beat is soothing. He can feel her fingers running through his hair, the shivers seem to slowly dissipate.

 

“Does this help?” She’s trying to figure out how to help him. A few quick nods against her collarbone. “Alright. Are you warming up?” Arms tighten, pulling her close. He probably wants the questions to stop, he’s embarrassed enough as it is. Chrissy won’t be getting any more verbal answers or comments from him for the rest of the night.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetie.” The rough stubble of his jaw grazes across her skin as he adjusts his position. “So just relax the best you can and try to get some sleep.” He would do and has done the exact same thing for her, she’s not about to leave him fend off his demons alone.

 

When his breathing finally starts to follow a rhythmic sleepy pattern, Chrissy allows herself to relax into the bed. Bucky’s grip around her loosens and his skin feels warmer. Every so often, his muscles tense and then relax, he must be dreaming, hopefully of nothing too violent. Chrissy settles her head against the pillow and shuts her eyes. God he’s heavy, thankfully not even half his weight is resting against her.

* * *

Steve quietly shuts the door to his friend’s room.

 

As soon as the Captain had heard the shouting, he was out of his bed and at Bucky’s door, Tony and Chrissy arriving not long after. Chrissy told them that she would deal with the situation. Afraid that if the men intervened, it could possibly make matters worse. Stark and Rogers decided to remain in the hallway, nearby, just in case. They hadn't expected the outcome that unfolded. 

 

“Still think there’s a better way for her to deal with this?” The Captain glances at Stark from the corner of his eyes. “Because if you have an answer, I’m willing to listen.” A shaky breath leaves Steve as he tries to not let what they just witnessed upset him. 

 

Tony gestures for the Captain to follow him downstairs. Standing in the kitchen, trying to grasp what that man must see or go through every night. Stark takes a drink of water as he tries to process everything. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like...for either of them. And Chris...she didn’t even seem a tiny bit frightened. I don’t know how she does it.”

 

“Well she has put up with you for this long.” Steve grins. 

 

“True.” Tony smirks in return. “But then again I’m a pretty good friend to have around.” The Iron man pats Steve on the shoulder as he walks past him into the living room. “I’ve never seen anything like that. What I mean is...I’ve never seen someone...who has a reputation of being so ruthless and practically invincible reduced to sweat and tears...only to be pacified by the words and actions of someone so calm and patient.” Tony sighs and regards his friend with a warm smile. “Our Chris, she sure is something.”

 

“She is.” Rogers smiles brightly and takes a seat, trying to figure out how he’s suppose to go back asleep after that. “Why haven’t you talked to her?” New York, Sokovia, Pepper and everything else. So much is said without actually being spoken. “You should stay here a while. Did Barton a world of good.”

 

“Are you nuts? Did you not just see what happened? She’s far too busy with Barnes.” Tony’s serious. “Besides, that would mean I would have to leave my work and…”

 

“Excuses.” Steve shakes his head. “But in the end it’s up to you. Maybe another time.”

 

“Maybe.” Maybe never and they both know it. Tony’s gaze lands on the staircase. “Do you think she’s in danger around him? You know...when he’s like that or worse.” He’s waiting for the other man’s reaction.

 

Steve exhales and leans forward. Elbows resting on his knees as he looks at the stairs and then at Tony. “She’s a grown woman and she’s dealt with all kinds of different scenarios. Dangerous ones. And she’s not helpless or defenceless.”

 

“So, yes.” Tony rubs a thumb over his chin. “I know it’s not his fault. I just don’t want to see her hurt...or worse.”

 

“None of us do. Especially Buck.” When Rogers says this, something in Tony’s brain clicks.

 

“I've mentioned this to Barnes before...I think there's a way that I can neutralized that trigger they placed in his brain.” Tony can see the Captain staring back at him patiently. “I'll start working on it as soon as we get back home.” Determined to help and protect his friend at any cost. Maybe if Barnes can relax knowing no one can control him anymore, the Soldier will have less reason to go beserk.

* * *

The pounding. She can put up with the light sensitivity and the pain, but that constant throbbing in her frontal lobe and the back of her neck she could really do without. And why has this been brought on all of a sudden? She's gone at least a few days without any sign of a migraine, so why now?

 

You would think with the house quiet again she’d be able to relax. Steve and Tony left a few days ago, and everything seems to be slowly getting back to normal. Charlotte is up and running perfectly, Bucky seems to be doing better and there’s no other reason to stress out.

 

Chrissy winces while leaning over the kitchen island, resting on her elbows she tries to stop the room from spinning. Bucky is in the forest at the back of the property, she remembers him saying something about tracking animals to learn their patterns for next month. Hunting season’s soon...that's right. It took a lot of convincing to get him to be at ease and leave her here. No threats, Charlotte’s good to go, she had told him. Every time things calm down...

 

When Chrissy brings fingers up to push the hair from her face, she makes contact with warm liquid. Looking at her fingertips she spots bright red. Oh jeez. A bleeding nose? Perfect. When she grabs a cloth from a nearby drawer, she hears the front door open. Oh great. That man shows up at the most inopportune times. She sighs and starts to wipe the blood away from her face.

 

“There's a lot of animal movement on the property…” Bucky notices the cloth in her hand and the crimson stain on it. The Soldier grasps her arm gently and gets her to turn towards him. “What's going on?” He's serious but his tone is soft. 

 

The woman exhales slowly when she lifts her gaze towards him. “Started a few mins ago... and then I noticed this.” She's trying to grin but only manages a poorly executed sideways smirk.

 

The Soldier takes the cloth, dampens it and carefully wipes Chrissy’s face as he gets her head to tilt back. Once she's cleaned up, Bucky guides her to the couch where she lies down. Within seconds he has Chrissy’s pain meds and a cold compress. “Want me to call Doctor Stevens?”

 

Chrissy shakes her head, an action she regrets immediately. “Nah. I think I'm good. Just gonna relax a bit…” Eyes closed she can't see the concern on the Soldier’s face but she can hear it in the way he exhales. “If it gets worse we’ll contact him...ok? Last time I had one was when Clint was here.”

 

“What?” His shoulders drop. “Why didn’t you say something?”

 

“Because I didn’t have a bleeding nose and it was just a regular migraine. Nothing new. Besides, we’ve been occupied with bigger things lately.” She reminds softly.

 

“Do you want to rest in your room...because I can…” He’ll carry her, she knows this.

 

Suppressing a laugh the woman shakes her head slowly, eyes still shut with her arm draped over them. “I'm fine here sweetie, but thanks anyways.”

 

Sensing where Bucky's sitting on the sofa beside her and without opening her eyes, Chrissy's able to lift her hand and place it on the side of his face. He leans into her touch and that forces her to smile thoughtfully.

 

“Don't move from this spot.” He instructs. “Rest.”

 

A blanket is draped over her form and she settles further into the cushions. “Promise. I'll be fine. If I need you, I'll holler.” She snickers knowing that he’ll most likely stay as close as possible. It's a nice gesture but it's really not needed.

 

There's voices in the kitchen, two males. Chrissy notices that the living room is dark, thank goodness for the small things. Wait it's dark? What time is it? Jake’s nails make scratching sounds on the hardwood floor when he notices his human stirring from her sleep. There's a low whine when he makes his way towards her and rests his snout on her belly. 

 

“Good boy.” The woman whispers and scratches the canine behind the ears. “Who's here huh?”

 

“Boof.” Doggy breath and wow that seemed loud even though it wasn't. The animal’s entire body is moving with the force of his tail wagging.

 

The chatter in the kitchen stops and she can see Bucky and Doctor Stevens as they head her way. The Soldier takes a seat by her side and passes her a glass of water. “Feeling a little better?”

 

“A little, yeah.” Chrissy tries to sit up but feels too dizzy and weak. “Hey Doc.” She acknowledges and then looks at Bucky with disapproval. 

 

“Oh don't be like that. He had reason to be concerned.” Stevens is patting the Soldier on the shoulder as he takes a seat on the coffee table. “You've been asleep most of the day.”

 

“Oh…” She sighs and offers Bucky an apologetic squeeze of the hand. “Is there a reason for concern?”

 

Stevens rubs his palms together. “Only if it were happening non stop.” He regards the two people before him thoughtfully. “Sometimes these things happen with more serious head injuries. Sometimes there are side affects that reduce over time and then sometimes there are ones that become permanent. Your migraines...unfortunately, might be something that you will need to learn to manage…and live with. I know that’s a shitty answer...”

 

A permanent resident. Perfect. “Alright.” It is what it is. Now she just needs to learn how to properly deal with it.

 

“There's preventative medications and other things you can try...you'll probably still get the migraines. Just not as often or as bad.” The doctor clears his throat. “I already gave all the paperwork and directions to Barnes, but you should go over it later. Also, stress and the weather...that's going to be a major factor when it comes to your pain levels.”

 

“Alright…” Stress and weather, two things she can't really control.

 

Stevens pauses for a moment and then clears his throat again. “Henry stopped by a while ago?” The woman nods and drops her gaze. “Well that probably didn't help.” Stevens stands and adjusts his glasses. “Call me if anything changes.” He's talking to Bucky, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. “You're in good hands Chris. I know you're probably not feeling very famished. But please drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest. Make sure that you eat breakfast every morning as well.”

 

Chrissy nods. “Thanks Doc.” 

 

“I'll see myself out. You guys take care.” Stevens pats Jake on the head and leaves the home.

 

“I'm not sorry I called him.” Bucky scoffs as he raises a brow in her direction.

 

“I'm not upset...You're aloud to be concerned and take action if you feel it's necessary...especially when you think someone's just being stubborn” Chrissy hates being wrong, but she can't make him feel insecure about worrying when something is bothering him. “I know I can be a pain sometimes. But it's part of my charm.”

 

Bucky stands, scoops her up into his arms and begins to head upstairs. Resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him she shuts her eyes, neck and head still too sensitive. “I'll let you shower and change while I clean up downstairs…unless you want me to wait…”

 

“I'll be fine.” She snickers. “I’m not dying...just pained.”

 

Yup, a hot shower, that helped. Her neck isn't as sensitive now, but her heads is pounding. Light pj's and a comfy bed, she should sleep really well. 

 

“Here…” Bucky's offering her one of the pills and a glass of water when she exits the washroom, causing her to jump.

 

“Jesus!” She clutches her shirt. “I keep forgetting how quiet you can be.”

 

“Sorry…” No he's not. Not with that toothy grin.

 

Chrissy takes the offered meds and then crawls into bed. Once the light in her room is turned off, she notices that Bucky is in a change of clothing and is settling in beside her. Deciding not to say anything, the woman shuts her eyes as the mattress dips with his added weight. A gentle hand is massaging the back of her neck and she can feel the knots giving way, kind of hurts but doesn't all at once.

 

“I'll be fine sweetie, just need to rest.” 

 

“Then rest.” He's not going anywhere, probably won't sleep.

 

Sleepy, Chrissy tugs the Soldier’s arm around her and settles against his side. She can feel a tiny animal running around on the bed and this makes her smile. Chance is hyper yet again. A laugh escape Bucky as he taps the bedding and the kitten bounds on his hand. He shakes his head and leans back into the pillows.

 

A quick peck is placed on the side of his jaw and for some reason he goes rigid. “Goodnight.”

 

Bucky coughs. “Night.” A quick reply.

 

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” If so, she needs to correct this right away. She’s kissed him in a friendly manner before, but if it’s something that doesn’t sit well with him, this is the first time she takes notice. “I'm sorry. I'm part French Canadian, that sort of thing is normal for me, but if it's something that bothers you... I'm sorry I never noticed…it won’t happen again.”

 

Bucky lets out a laugh. “It's fine...still not used to that sort of thing...yet. Can't remember the last time anyone wanted to be near me like this. So it's just...strange for me...but not unwanted or unappreciated.” 

 

“Alright.” She relaxes against him again and feels him kiss the top of her head. He's totally capable of being a sweetheart.

 

“Was that ok?” A nervous question. He's trying to figure out how to display affection without being overbearing or awkward.

 

“Yes.” Chrissy pats his chest gently, shuts her eyes once more and hugs his sides. The Soldier flinches and she's reminded harshly about his injuries. “Oh...I'm so sorry.” Briskly sitting up, she turns on the lamp to investigate his ribs, maybe she reopened the stitching. Maybe the swelling and bruising hasn’t gone down yet. Damn it. 

 

“God we are both in poor shape.” She snickers and lifts his tank top near the waist. Fingers drag over green and blue colored skin causing Goose flesh to run across his abdomen.

 

“Hey. Woah...I'm fine.” Her hands are pushed aside. He does have some boundaries. “Just a bit tender. Turn the light off…sleep.”

 

Doing as he asks, the woman lowers his shirt and lies down. The medication in her system making her drowsy, within minutes she's fast asleep. When Chrissy’s nose brushes against the exposed skin at the top of his shirt, that's when Bucky decides that she probably needs to rest on her own. The feelings that small contact causes, it's a little too much for him to process and understand. His body likes it and he’s not happy about that. Not one bit. He's not exactly in touch with how certain things make him feel yet. Maybe he should leave the room, he's not going to sleep anytime soon anyways. A shower, that sounds like a solid plan. When she lets out a small pained groan, Bucky sighs knowing he can't leave her side for long.

 

Damn her. Damn him. Damn that weird feeling in his gut. It's just lack of the right kind of human contact and comfort after all those years. That's what he's summing it up to. Nothing more. He grunts. Stupid brain, stupid body, stupid stomach. Stop it. Sleep. Shut your eyes and stop thinking. 

 

Chrissy's thigh is draped over his own in her sleep. Yeah... nope. Nope. All kinds of nope. A shower, set to freezing or really hot. That’s what he needs. He’s still human, still a man, and his innards seem to remember that. He can’t have his body unintentionally reacting to her innocent behaviour and touches like this. Why can’t he go back to the way he was with her before? He doesn’t need complicated right now, especially with her, his one area of solace. 

 

All in your head Barnes. 

 

Careful not to wake his friend, Bucky slips out from the bedding and heads for his own room. Shower, then check on her later.

 

When he's relaxed, cleaned and has a clear head, the Soldier returns to Chrissy’s room to check on her, just like he promised himself. Drying his wet hair with a towel, he sits at the edge of her bed. Chrissy’s still curled up where he left her. He smiles seeing her look so careless and peaceful.

 

“Couldn't sleep?” When had she awoken, he hadn't noticed. 

 

“No...thought a shower would help.” She's holding the bedding up for him. He sighs and tosses the towel onto the chair. “You wouldn't be more comfortable with the entire bed to yourself?”

 

“You're warm.” Chrissy admits lazily. Then she notices his demeanor, it's different. “What's wrong?” She sits up bringing her knees to her chest.

 

“What? Nothing.” Stupid brain. “I lit the woodstove...should warm up soon.” Bucky decides to crawl back in beside her. Completely aware that she can tell that something’s bothering him, but this is something he really has no intention of discussing with her, ever. 

 

“Good idea.” Chrissy lies back down and pulls the blankets around herself tightly. An arm drapes over her and she feels his chest press up against her back. “Are you positive there's nothing bothering you?”

 

The Soldier remains quiet. Sucking some air in between his teeth he tries to figure out how to word his thought process. “Don't worry bout it. Just concerned...you know…about everything that’s going on.”

 

“Alright.” She sounds unconvinced, but knows when not to pry.

 

Bucky’s fully aware that he can share any thoughts with this woman without the fear of being judged or cast out. But this conversation is one he needs to have with another male. Steve, next time he's around and Bucky has a better idea of what is going on inside his head or whatever, he'll bring it up. Well maybe. Ok, probably not because it's nothing. Right? He sighs out loud by accident. 

 

The woman in his arms moves and he's forced to pull away slightly. Yup, he knows exactly what his issue is. “Bucky, am I making you...feel out of place or uncomfortable? Because you can tell me.” An adult, with a mature mind. He gets her meaning.

 

“No.” She's not and that's the truth. “I'm just restless…” Also true.

 

“Are you sure?” She turns around, a small gap of space now between them. That's better. He can breathe now.

 

He forces a smile he knows she can't see. “Positive. Sleep. K?”

A small hand finds his face and pushes his damp hair back, her thumb smoothes over his cheek and Chrissy begins to drift off once more. “Night.” Just like that she's sleeping. 

 

Bucky grasps her hand gently, kisses her palm and shuts his eyes. Stupid brain. Damn body. Seventy years, that's a long time, he reminds himself, his body is just starting to wake up, that's all. Nothing more. Right? The woman presses herself against him, her head resting under his chin. He can't win. Oh well, at least she's asleep.

* * *

The Soldier’s cellphone is ringing on the nightstand. What the hell? Bucky looks at the time. 4:09 A.M. Must be important. Steve. 

 

“Who’s calling at this hour?” Chrissy presses on Bucky’s chest to help herself sit up. “Feels like we just fell asleep…” 

 

S.Rogers is displayed on the screen. Bucky answers the call, his voice gruff with sleep. “You’ve only been gone a few days…” 

 

“I know...we’re about twenty minutes away.” Steve’s hesitating. 

 

“What? Why?” They can’t possibly expect him to go on any kind of mission. Not yet, not so soon. He’s an unnecessary risk. Unstable.

 

“I told them you’re not ready for this...but they want you there. Said they would send someone else to talk to you...we all know how that would turn out. Look, I know what you’re answer will be. I’m just showing up to keep them quiet.” The Captain sighs. Two sides of the same coin, he really does need Barnes for this one, but he’s not willing to jeopardize anyone’s life.

 

“Well then...turn around.” Bucky knows the Captain can’t do that.

 

“Buck...I had Nat keep an eye on a few of the bunkers from your list. Looks like one’s been reactivated in British Columbia. They think that your inside knowledge of the place might be beneficial…” Again, Steve knows the answer, but he’s doing what they asked him to, because in a way, they are right.

 

“Guess you’re coming a long way for me to say no in person.” Frustrated, Bucky hangs up the phone and turns to see Chrissy staring at him.

 

“Are you actually considering it?” She sighs and shakes her head. “We have no way of knowing what will happen…” She’s trying to be as delicate as possible, sensitive topic and all. Neither of them are willing to admit it, but if Steve pleads enough, they both know that Bucky will give in.

 

The Soldier heads for his room and looks for a change of clothing, Chrissy’s not too far behind. “I’m not going.” A low confirmation as he glances over his shoulder. “Too much of a liability. I won’t be the reason anyone gets hurt...or worse. I’ll draw them a map, point them in the right direction. That’s it.”

 

Chrissy nods, sighing heavily and heads back to her room. Early morning company, guess she should get dressed for the day as well.

* * *

The engines die down and Steve walks down the ramp. It’s dark and the breeze is cool, surveying the property, he can see his two friends waiting for him on the deck. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, wishing this was just a regular visit.

 

With long strides, the Captain quickly makes his way through the field. Bucky is leaning against the porch post looking solemn. Drinking coffee, his body language is relaxed. There’s no doubt that he’s staying put, mind’s made up already. It’s clear, Bucky has no intention on leaving the farm today.

 

“Morning.” Steve smiles shyly and stops just in front of the steps.

 

“Morning.” Bucky glances at the Quinjet. “I’m not going. Here, take this.” The Soldier hands the Captain a paper with notes and a map drawn out on it.

 

Steve takes the parchment and folds it. Shaking his head, he licks his dry lips. “We could really use your help on this one.” A brow lifts in the other man’s direction.

 

“Like I said... long way for nothing.” Bucky smirks and crosses his arms. “Coffee?”

 

Grinning, Steve denies the offer. “I’m good, thanks.” He glances over his shoulder and sighs.

 

“Be careful.” Chrissy is wrapped up in a large quilt, sitting on the bench. “Call us when you’re done. Got it?”

 

Steve nods chuckling. “Yeah. I got it.” His eyes grow wide as he answers the comms set up in his helmet. “Right, we’re leaving now.” Steve informs the authoritative voice in his ear piece. 

 

Chrissy leaves her blanket on the the bench and stands next to Bucky. If they think they can just force him to do something he doesn’t want to, they have another thing coming. The deal was that Bucky would come here to get better and then help when he could and when it was safe for him to do so. Why would they want to jeopardize anyone’s life? 

 

Steve’s fingers are resting against the relay device at his ear. “What?” The Captain’s eyes are searching for something in Chrissy’s direction. “How many?” Rogers mouth suddenly feels dry. “Sir, technically she’s a civilian.”

 

Bucky’s gaze goes from Steve and then to the woman by his side. Muscles in his jaw clenching. He doesn’t like the sound of this, or the look in Steve’s eyes. What the hell is this about?

 

“Understood. I’ll see what I can do.” Steve climbs the stairs and makes his way over to Chrissy quickly. “We have a...delicate situation.”

 

“What kind of a situation?” Bucky places himself between Chrissy and the other man. His gut telling him where this might be going. “She’s not going either.” He’s stern. Steve’s got to be out of his damn mind.

 

“I don’t want her to go either, but she’d be well guarded.” Steve’s trying not to anger his friend. “I wouldn’t leave her side.”

 

“Wait what’s going on?” Chrissy places a hand on Bucky’s arm, trying to calm his nerves. 

 

“They have kids, about a dozen or so. Most are, advanced...” Steve knows how shaky his voice sounds, but he continues. “We don’t know how long they’ve been there, or what’s been done to them...” He doesn’t need to say more, she knows why they’d want her there.

 

Chrissy pulls her jacket in closer. “Steve, I’m not trained for...well this. Connor taught me how to throw knives, fire a gun and defend myself. That’s it.”

 

The Captain rubs the back of his head. This entire situation is nuts. Normally he wouldn’t agree with something this ridiculous. “You wouldn’t have to worry about any of that…”

 

Bucky’s brow furrows with aggravation, does Steve not hear himself? This plans is garbage. “Are you off your damn rocker?!” The Soldier takes a step forward and the Captain is forced to descend one of the stairs. “You’re not blind. You must see the holes in this plan of theirs. If something happens to you or any of them…” Bucky points to the aircraft, fully aware of who’s on board. “It’d be her life on the line.” Another step forward as he glares down at his friend.

 

“I don’t like any of this either Buck...but there’s kids…” Steve reminds calmly. “Otherwize I wouldn’t have even mentioned it…”

 

Chrissy’s hand wraps around Bucky’s, trying to make sure he doesn’t do anything he’ll regret. “Let me call Frank, tell him to keep an eye on the farm.” Chrissy knows she’s not the only one leaving now, they have no choice. The woman heads inside to call her neighbour and adjust Charlotte’s settings.

 

Bucky grunts, not liking this one bit. “I’ll go. Not because they want me to…” His eyes are steel, his intent clear. “You must know that this is a horrible idea.”

 

“It is, but they’re not wrong either. These kids, they might need her, a friendly face. We don’t know what we’ll be dealing with when we get there.”

 

“That's exactly why she shouldn't be going!” His temper, his patience with Steve is surprising even himself. Normally Steve, this man that Bucky looks up to, even aspires to be like and make proud, has sound logic. Right now the Soldier is questioning the Captain’s judgement, it’s clouded. Even if there are kids, is this really the way they should go about this?

 

Steve adjusts his gloves, knowing that his explanation doesn’t sound well thought out. “But we are not bringing Chrissy in until the place is cleared. Buck...we need to get these kids out. What if they are experimenting on them...like they did with you?” It’s a low blow, but it’s a very real possibility. Maybe Bucky can relate.

 

“Fine. I’ll help clear it out.” He’s pissed. Yet again he’s doing something that doesn’t sit well with him. Being forced, again, but in a different way. Damn Governments. “If anything happens…” The Soldier grunts and heads into the home. “I’ll get my stuff.”

 

Within a few minutes, the trio is on the jet.

* * *

“Area is secured.” Steve informs over their communications. Stealing a quick glance at Bucky over his shoulder, the Captain continues to press forward, past the double doors. “How you doing Buck?”

 

“Forget about me.” Mood still sour. “Pay attention to what the hell you’re doing.” Bucky’s rifle is empty and slung over his back. M11s in each hand as he cautiously makes his way in front of Rogers and peers around each door and each corner. “Clear.”

 

“Alright, Barton bring her in.” 

 

It takes a good fifteen minutes for Chrissy and Clint to make it to where the two Soldiers are holding a position. She has to step over a few unconscious or dead men in black uniforms, but she keeps her eyes on Clint’s back, focusing on where he moves, not where he steps. Entering the room, she can see Steve standing guard off to one side, while Bucky kneels looking in the opposite direction.

 

“I want that door opened.” Steve’s talking to someone over their communications. “Fine, five minutes.”

 

Chrissy has about fifty questions, but she knows that they are all concentrating on what they are doing. Her inquiries can wait until it’s the right time. A few minutes goes by and the set of doors open. Steve taps his friend on the shoulder and Bucky rises, pushing forward into the room.

 

“Clear.” Steve’s voice is heard from beyond the sliding doors.

 

“Alright follow me.” Clint motions with his chin for her to follow suit. They enter a large room. It smells musty and the air is humid. Twenty cells, all along the left side. All dimly lit. To the right, a sanitisation area, equipped with a few showers and sinks. Straight ahead of them in another large room is an operating table, a large creepy leather chair, and few desks with computers.

 

Chrissy brings a hand to her mouth, this is way more then what she was expecting. While she’s taking in the sights of this horrible place, Steve gets Natasha to gain access to the security panels, forcing the doors to the cells to open.

 

“Chrissy…” Steve’s beckoning for her to move closer. “There’s twelve in total.”

 

Sporting a friendly smile, slowly she approaches the first cell. Her eyes land on a small girl, no older than five. “Hey, my name’s Chrissy. Me and my friends came here to get you and everyone else out. We’ll get you somewhere safe.” She kneels down, placing her hands on her thighs, trying to seem as little threatening as possible. 

 

The little brunette recoils to the far corner of the cell. Her face is smeared with dirt and tears. “What happened to him?” She points to the man with the metal arm. 

 

Chrissy smiles warmly. “He got hurt a long time ago. The people that keep you here...they did that to him. Now he helps...tries to stop them from hurting anyone else.”

 

The little girl wipes at her eyes with her sleeve and inches her way forward. “Is that true?” She asks the Soldier who doesn’t seem to be paying attention to her. His eyes dart down and he nods.

 

“So how about we get you all out of here?” Chrissy extends her hand and waits.

* * *

All different ages, from as little as five to as old as fifteen. Most have special abilities, some have none. The group of children before her are scared, malnourished and some are heavily drugged. Sam is talking to one of the young males, trying to reassure him that everything will be alright now. Chrissy sighs loudly, kids, how could they do this to innocents? Her eyes land on Bucky, who’s still guarding the entrance.

 

“How many?” Steve is talking to Nat over their comms once more. He taps Barton on the shoulder. “We have heavily armed hostiles heading our way. We need to get out of here. Now. I want you and Sam to make sure our passageway is clear. Those kids are our main priority.”

 

With a saddened look, the Captain places a nine millimeter in Chrissy’s hand. “Just in case...make sure to stay with the group. Alright?” This rescue mission, this plan, it was doomed from the start. 

 

“There’s not enough time.” Bucky warns, he can hear noise coming from down the halls. “Get them out, seal that door.” 

 

“Nat?” The Captain is running out of options.

 

“Working on it.” There’s a pause. “Right...manual override to the left of the back door. Open the panel and hit the only button there. It’ll lock the exit. Should allow enough time to get them to safety, but you’ll have to take the long way back.” Steve signals for Barton and Wilson to lead the kids down the hall. “Move out.”

 

The youths are out of the area, but the Hydra agents have already made their appearance. Bucky fires round after round and Steve fends them off as much as he can. An agent sneaks up behind the Captain, Chrissy quickly takes aim and dispatches the thug with a few shots to the back. With no other options left, Chrissy pushes the button, closing the door. One of the Soldiers spots this and makes his way towards her. Catching the woman off guard, he backhands her causing her to slam against the wall. Blood appears at the corner of Chrissy’s mouth, she feels dizzy. Eyes search the area, she can see Bucky staring back at her.

 

A roar of anger from across the room. Blinded by rage, Bucky’s slashing and stabbing his way through the men in front of him. The ones blocking his path. His fists make contact with anything and anyone in his way. Arteries are split open, tendons slashed, throats torn wide. Still these men continue to pile onto him. His eyes never leave the man that struck her, that one is his. His death is going to be painful and slow.

 

“Buck!” Steve’s doing the best he can to reach his comrade, dodging fists, bullets and knives. Shield slamming into faces. Knees, elbows and fists connecting with any aggressor. Then he sees it, pure anger, the Winter Soldier. 

 

No control, Bucky begins his rampage. A man attacks the raging Soldier only to have his skull crushed against the pavement, helmet and all, by a metallic grip. Some lucky bastard lands a shot in the Soldier’s thigh, earning him a flying knife to the throat as Bucky grunts out in pain. As the crazed Soldier continues to dismember the hostiles around him, Steve stands completely still, at a lost as to what he should do. “Buck…” He whispers.

 

Firearms ran out of bullets a while back, so the Winter Soldier is forced to use hand to hand, not a problem. His metal fist easily pushes through human ribs and muscle. He crushes throats with little ease. With every movement there’s a spray of blood, a scream of pain, an animalistic grunt. Bones crack, bodies fall to the floor. A pained expression appears on Bucky’s face whenever someone lands a lucky blow, but that’s it, he continues his task, without hesitation or complaint. 

 

The last man, the original one the Asset had his eyes on to begin with, charges towards him. Bucky dodges each fist and kick with little effort. As the Hydra soldier pulls out a knife and attempts to slash his opponent’s chest, Bucky elbows him in the face and then steps back, allowing the man to charge him once more. A cat toying with the mouse. The man lashes out, misses, throws an uppercut and misses the Asset’s jaw, then receives a knee to the gut. Bucky pulls the man’s right arm up and snaps it. There’s a cry of pain.

 

“Buck stop!” Steve’s trying to sound commanding. This display of violence becoming overwhelming, even for him. From the corner of his eye, the Captain can see Chrissy, just as concerned. The woman tosses her weapon aside and Steve brings his attention back to his friend.

 

The Asset glares over his shoulder, and then turns sharply, shoving his tactical knife in the man’s windpipe. He’s dying, slowly, choking on his own blood. Bucky kicks the body of the Hydra agent aside. 

 

Finally done with the men that were attacking him, the Winter Soldier glares at the Captain from the corner of his eyes. The room is now still. The only noise heard is that of the broken glass and tile falling from the walls or the sizzling of the split wires and broken lights. Glaring at the man in blue, the Soldier remembers something about this man, a mission. Covered head to toe in gore and blood, he stalks towards the man with the shield.

 

“Don’t do this.” Steve raises his hands. “You’re my friend. We’re here on an extraction mission together. Please...Buck…” He really doesn’t want to have to fight this man, again. Steve readies his stance and shield, the Soldier pulls back his metal fist.

 

“No! Stop!” Chrissy’s standing before Steve, her arms spread out from her sides.  
“Chris, move.” Steve’s terrified that Bucky may end up accidentally killing the woman before him. However, to his surprise, the Soldier halts his advancements. “Chris…”

 

“Your name is James Barnes. Take a few deep breaths, nice and slow.” Her hands are still, displayed at her sides, palms up, not a threat. “Your friends, like myself and this man behind me, call you Bucky.” The Soldier’s eyes dart from her face to analyze the man in blue. “Steve put the shield away.” 

 

The man does as the woman requests. A kind smile appears on her face. “That’s it, nice, steady, deep breaths.” Bucky’s eyes close for but a brief moment, taking in a long deep inhale, his fists relaxing. “You’re on an extraction mission, just like Steve said. You just helped save a bunch of kids from a horrible imprisonment.”

 

“They were in cells…” Bucky’s eyes are searching the room, there’s blood on the walls, floor and ceiling. He’s confused, lost. “Oh God...What did I do?”

 

Chrissy takes a few steps closer, hands slowly reaching out. “You were protecting me and Steve. You might have went a little too far, but you didn’t hurt any of the children or any of us.”

 

Bucky’s hand reaches for hers. Then he notices the warm grime and blood dripping from his finger tips, wet and thick. Eyes widen with horror and he backs away quickly. “Don’t...stay away…” 

 

Suddenly very aware of the sticky feeling all over any of his exposed skin and hair. Blood and gore. Hair clings to his face, clothing soaked through with death. Bodies lie still everywhere. Entrails and limbs scattered all along the floor. Bucky’s right hand rests against his stomach, he feels sick. The Soldier looks down at his trembling hand as he takes a step back. He empties the contents of his stomach in the large garbage bin nearby. 

 

“Bucky, wait right here a minute. Alright?” He doesn't acknowledge her, but he doesn't move either, too weak and nauseated. Chrissy quickly turns on the showers. “Steve.”

 

Rogers is staring at his friend’s back, in shock, standing as stiff as a statue. He knew how dangerous Bucky was, could be, but he didn't realize how much anger could fuel his movements. The Winter Soldier took over and it was all done in a matter of minutes. The entire thing, like it was done hundreds of times before, as fluid and as quickly as a dance that had been rehearsed over and over.

 

“Get him some clothes. A towel. First aid kit, gotta get him stitched up, I think there’s a few bullets...” Steve needs something to focus on and she knows it. “Steve!” She needs him to concentrate right now.

 

“I'm not leaving you here…” It's Bucky, he knows this, but for how long?

 

“I'm fine. It'll take you five minutes.” She reassures. “He needs to be cleaned up before the kids see him, and I don’t think it’s good for him to stay like that.” 

 

“But what if...Chris...Buck would hate himself even more if you got hurt…” His eyes remain glued to the sight of his friend.

 

Chrissy shakes her head. “He’s not going to do anything to me...please Steve…”

 

“Fine. Five minutes.” Steve finally agrees and rushes back to the jet. 

 

Carefully, the woman makes her way over to the distraught man and places a hand on his back. Noticing her proximity, Bucky moves away from her quickly.

 

“It's ok. Come on.” Chrissy ushers as she points to the showers and holds out her hand. “Let's get you cleaned up.”

 

Hesitantly, he grasps the small hand. Immediately disgusted with himself when he feels the blood and whatever else smear against her flesh. The woman leads him to the running water and stands in it, gently tugging on his arm pulling him into the warm spray. It’s hard to tell where he has been wounded, caked in his own and the blood of the others, he needs to be cleaned.

 

Looking down at his boots, Bucky can see the water mixing with the filth and sludge as it goes down the large drain. Oh God. Crimson is running down the Soldier’s face, he can feel it, taste it. Chrissy takes off her sweater, soaks it and uses it to clear his face from the human remains. The woman is gentle as she looks up at him, scrubbing his cheeks and forehead. Not blinking, blue eyes remain wide open, terrified, knowing what he did, could do. Bucky continues to stare into her own eyes and swallows a lump that’s caught in his throat.

 

“There now you can see.” A weary smile. Chrissy looks up, her eyes seeking his face for permission as she unclips the buckles of his jacket. Bucky only continues to watch her movements as she pulls down the zipper and helps him slip out of the slimy coat. It falls to the tiled floor with a sickening wet and sticky sound. Thick and red, the water continues to drain.

 

“I need to find where they’ve hurt you.” Her fingers are waiting patiently at the bottom hem of his shirt, he nods and lets her ease the grimy clothing up and off of his frame. Quickly tossing the filthy shirt aside, she’s shocked to discover several gashes along his rib cage, back and arm. Only a few continue to bleed severely. She knows the gunshot wound on his thigh will need immediate attention.

 

Drained and queasy. The Soldier drops to his knees, wraps his arms around the woman’s waist and presses the side of his face against her abdomen. Her fingers are in his hair, helping the water rinse away any more gore. She can see the wounds on his torso that are still bleeding. The familiar sting of tears in her eyes, but she forces herself to shake it off.

 

The echos of quickly approaching boots catches their attention. Bucky shuts his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Terrified of what might happen to him now. If he's lucky they'll just lock him up, toss away the key, but who is he kidding? Luck? After this display, he'll be fortunate if they give him a quick and painless death. They have injections for something like that now, right?

 

Steve and Clint are back. The Captain places some dry clothing and a first aid kit on the stainless steel table. Barton stops in his tracks.

 

“Holy shit…” Clint’s eyes are surveying all of the dead men, then his gaze lands on Bucky, who’s still covered in God only knows, clinging to the small woman’s form. He can see that there was enough blood to stain the Soldier’s bare skin on his back and chest pink. He begins searching cupboards and drawers. Finding what he was looking for, Clint makes his way towards Chris. “Here…”

 

“Thanks.” She smiles warmly and takes the bar of soap from his hand. Quickly she works up a lather and scrubs Bucky’s hair and scalp. It's a messy job and she's doing her best to not let it bother her stomach. He's just so covered. The bubbles are bright red as they trail down his body and into the drain. The grip around her waist tightens.

 

“Tell me what to do…” Steve needs direction. Something, anything, to help.

 

“Can you contact Logan for me. Tell him what’s happened all the way up to this point.” Chrissy’s still focusing on the trembling man in the shower. “He can help...I know he can.” 

 

Steve nods, that might just work. “I’ll call him as soon as we leave.”

 

Chrissy kneels down, lathers up a corner of her stained sweater and washes Bucky’s face once more. The Soldier is trying his best to avoid her gaze. Right there, Steve sees it, patience and understanding radiating from the woman like a beacon. This is her calling. 

 

“I know you're tired, but Steve got you some clean clothes. I'll let you get washed up, I'll just be over there.” She points to the other side of the table. “I won't look, but I won't leave. Alright?” The Soldier nods. “We need to tend to those wounds Bucky, some of them are really bad. And I know for a fact you were shot at least once.” Again, he nods.

 

Clint stands in the water and grabs the other mand by the arm. “Come on man, I'll help you up. Clean up and then we’ll take a look at those gashes.” The woman mouths a thank you in his direction, to which Barton shrugs.

 

Chrissy places the soap in Bucky's hand. “It's ok. We will go over what happened later. You're safe, we're all safe. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

A shaky breath leaves the tired man as he stands. Chrissy gives him a final reassuring look before making her way towards Steve. The Captain hands her a towel. 

 

“Got you some clothes as well.” He hands her a pair of slacks and a sweatshirt. 

 

“I'm just a little wet Steve…” She snickers, but stops when Steve points at the two-way glass that reflects her image. Clothing heavily stained. Her face contorts into a small grimace.

 

“I don't think it would be a good idea to look like that in front of the kids.”

 

Chrissy nods. “Could you…turn around please.”

 

Steve turns and shields her naked form from the other men by standing in front of her as she changes. When she's done the Captain picks up both her and Bucky's soiled clothing and tosses them into a bag. 

 

“Steve?” She's curious, why the hell would he keep any of this.

 

“I'm not leaving anything behind. You never know…”

 

Steve spots his friend sitting in a chair quietly, unmoving, as Barton carefully pulls a bullet from his left thigh. Hawkeye stitches the hole and then sets to work on the other wounds. After applying antiseptics and gauze Clint hands Barnes a dark grey t-shirt. “There all patched up. Some of my best work too.” 

 

“I heal fast.” Bucky informs as he pulls the shirt over his head. He's clean but his hair is still dripping wet, bandaged, but still sore and tired. 

 

“Better?” Steve lifts a brow. This man must hate him now. Barnes can’t even seem to look in his direction.

 

Bucky doesn't reply, only continues to focus on the floor beneath his feet. Clint pats the other man on the shoulder and then heads towards the doorway. “Let's get going.”

 

The Soldier isn't moving. Steve looks at Chrissy, he's terrified that Bucky might be regressing. He doesn't know what to do. 

 

“Come on sweety.” Her hand slips around his and Bucky squeezes it gently.

 

“I'm sorry you both had to see that…it's what I am.” He's disgusted with himself. How could they not be? A gentle kiss is placed on his cheek. Shocked he stares at the woman by his side.

 

“Let's go home.” 

 

Did she really just do and say that? Even after witnessing, this appalling behaviour, he's still welcome back? He was certain she'd beg Steve to take him away or just leave him here to rot.

 

“What? You want me to go back?” His eyes display every ounce of what he's feeling, frightened, lost and distressed.

 

“I'll give you a minute.” Steve informs Chrissy softly and leaves the room.

 

“Bucky, of course.” She drags the back of her fingers against the side of his face. He can't help but lean into the warm contact, relieved. “It's your home as well, I’m not leaving without you.”

 

A small sob escapes him. Chrissy wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him close. “I told you before, you're always safe and welcome there. I meant it.” He buries his face in her shoulder, arms are tight around her frame, still in disbelief. Pulling away, she wipes his tear streaked face. 

 

“So are you coming with me?”

 

The Soldier nods, shut his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Chrissy leads him back to the jet, her hand gripping his tightly the entire way. They follow Captain America and Hawkeye. Not once does Bucky look up, even as he takes a seat in the aircraft, his eyes remain glued onto the floor. He can't bare to face Steve right now. The man has to be upset and repulsed. Disappointed.

 

The Quinjet lands in the front yard. Chrissy says her goodbyes as Bucky makes his way towards the house.

 

“Keep me updated on these kids. If Xavier won't take them…” Chrissy informs as Steve hugs her tightly.

 

“You know I'll call you first thing.” Steve’s eyes follow Bucky's retreating form. “Take care of him...but Chrissy please be careful. He's my friend...but…” He's well aware of what the Soldier is capable of.

 

“You know I will.”

 

“I’m sorry.” He squeezes her frame once more. “I never meant…”

 

“These kids needed our help. It’s done with. I’ll call you soon.” Chrissy kisses his cheek quickly and heads home.

 

Jakes wagging his tail when Chrissy greets him at the door. “Who's a good boy?” She receives a few licks and a happy bark. “Where'd Bucky go?” She heads upstairs and finds the Soldier in his room, sitting at the edge of the bed.

 

“I should leave.” He's rubbing his hands together, anxious and scared. “You're in danger if I stay here. And I'm too much of a risk for Steve.”

 

Clearing her throat, Chrissy takes a seat beside him. “Well it's your choice, but I'd prefer if you'd stay.” She wraps her hands around his arm and rests her head on his shoulder. “You shouldn't let a setback discourage you.”

 

“You call that...a setback?” He scoffs and shakes his head. “I viciously tore apart over ten men in under five minutes. I was going to kill Steve...I could have killed you.” Those words, how he says them, menacingly.

 

“But you didn't…” Her hand tilts his face towards her. “Those men...wouldn't have shown us any mercy and the Winter Soldier in you knew that. I know they didn't deserve...that...but it's still not your fault as much as you'd like to think it is.”

 

“Don't rationalize this.”

 

“You're not perfect, you're still learning, still healing. It'll take time and you need to give yourself that.” Chrissy rubs a thumb along his jaw. He’s upset, that’s understandable. “I'm not going to force you to stay, but it's hard for me to just let you leave when you've made so much progress.” She sighs. The thought of him leaving, trying to cope on his own after something like this, stings.

 

“But I was going to kill Steve…” He repeats, as if everything he's trying to explain is hidden in that sentence. Steve the man that represents everything good, honest and brave. And he was going to pull his heart out through his rib cage and Chrissy had been standing in the way. Moisture builds in his eyes, he blinks and can feel tremors starting in his core.

 

Chrissy gently brings his head down onto her chest and leans back into the bed. She strokes his hair and rubs his shoulders blades. When the shaking in his body stops, her shirt wet with sweat and tears, he pushes himself up on his elbows. Nose grazing her chin as he starts to sit up. Suddenly, he realizes how close they really are. He should sit, back away and tell her he's fine now, but he doesn't. 

 

“I'll stay.” He whispers, voice still shaky.

 

“I'm glad to hear it.” Fingers push hair behind his ears, sending shivers down his spine. “I should let you get some rest.” Chrissy sits up and slides off the bed.

 

“Don’t go…” Metallic fingers gently circle her wrist and he sees her hesitate. A thought occurs, maybe after today, things are different, she’s probably going to be more cautious around him now, maybe even a bit scared.

 

“How’bout I shower and come right back? Is that alright? I really want to be in my own clothing.” Her thumb is gently caressing his left hand, unafraid. “You should do the same.”

 

“You’re not...frightened?” He’s baffled, she should be, but why on earth would she ask him to come back home if she was.

 

Confused, Chrissy’s face goes through a mix of emotions. “Of what? You?” Bucky tilts his head and chews at his lip. Sighing, Chrissy rubs the side of his face with her hand. “No, Bucky. I’m not afraid of you. Just worried for your well being. Alright? I’ll shower and change, then I’ll be right back. Promise.”

 

She leaves the room, and he feels the anxiety in his core build. All the what ifs.

 

What if Steve decides it’s better to not have anything to do with him anymore?  
What if he accidentally ever hurts someone he cares about?  
What if…

 

Bucky heads to the washroom, removes his shirt and stares at himself in the mirror. Steve’s shield, it’s still bright, still there on his shoulder. Still a reminder. These people they believe he can continue to be a better person. 

 

What if they’re wrong?


	11. Chapter 11 : Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OMG! I must have went over this chapter a good 30-40 times. No joke. I wanted it out before Christmas, but that just wasn't going to happen. So, as per usual I made it long to make up for the lack of story. I know there's bound to be spelling and grammar issues...but I'm over it. LOL. I hope you all enjoy regardless of my neglect in the grammatical area. Remember R&R!
> 
> Disclaimer : Marvel owns the rights to most of these characters, accept Chrissy, she's mine!

** Chapter 11 : Tired **

How's he ever suppose to sleep or even shut his eyes ever again? He was wide awake and conscious when he had lost full control or any sense of reality. Look how that turned out.

Days have passed since the last attempt to sleep. Chrissy somehow finally persuades the Soldier to at least try and rest. Staying awake as long as she can with her friend, by the fire, on the couch or in her room. Bucky's giving up and pulling away. The only time he seems even a little bit at ease is when she's by his side, reminding the Soldier where he is, who he is. Hands never far from his being, words of reassurance keeping him calm.

For almost a week, Bucky seems to be trying to avoid her or being in the house. Chrissy finds it a bit odd that when she sits near him or walks pass him, Bucky moves over slightly. Just enough to say they aren't making physical contact. He's barely said more than a few words to her all week. It's enough for her to take notice and grow concerned. Obviously he's fighting something internally, but Bucky's been pretty open with her lately, so if something's bothering him, wouldn't he come to her with it?

As the days pass, his mood changes. The man becomes more quiet, more distant. Bucky's spending more time alone, more time outdoors. Late at night, when the house is quiet, that's when he heads inside. Chrissy's usually fast asleep on the sofa with a book folded on her lap. Her way of letting him know that she's never far, trying to wait up for him, wanting to make sure he's alright. Each time the woman falls asleep in the living room and each time she wakes up in her bed. Every time, without saying a word, without making a sound, after he carries Chrissy upstairs, the Soldier heads for his room, showers and then waits downstairs, staying up till the sunrises. Then he's back outside. Working, wandering, tinkering, thinking.

Chrissy makes sure to have plenty of meals ready and packaged for him in the fridge. To her dismay, hardly anything is ever touched. She hasn't really seen him in a few days, but guaranteed he's lost weight. Chrissy's giving him space, but eventually she'll have to intervene. This is a destructive behavior and she can't let it continue much longer. But she needs to give him the chance to try and sort it out on his own. One more day, she tells herself.

She can hear the Soldier when he trains or when he's punishing the punching bag. The liquor and coffee in the home seems to be the only thing he's been touching. Yeah, this needs to stop. Logan said he would be arriving in a few days, but something needs to be done about this before the Wolverine arrives. A fueled and angry Bucky will not be something that will help the situation.

Tomorrow morning, Chrissy decides that she'll make breakfast and check in on him. Maybe after everything that happened in B.C he's afraid to be around her. Maybe with her giving him the space she thought he needed, she unintentionally displayed a sense of discomfort around him. Crap.

* * *

"Honestly, I thought you were calling to talk about British Columbia." The Captain admits after his friend finishes confessing his current dilemma. "I'm surprised you even want to talk to me at all after…"

The Soldier doesn't understand why Steve would assume such a thing. Bucky was the one with shaky fingers as he dialed the Captain's number. He wasn't sure what the other man was going to say or if he would even want to hear from him. "You weren't the one that brutally killed a bunch of people." He reminds.

"No. But I'm the one that put you in that situation. I'm sorry Buck." There's a small pause. "How you holding up?"

"Fine. I'm not fond of what I did, but it's what I do. And I have done worse." The Soldier scoffs. "That's not why I called."

Unconvinced, the Captain sighs. "Right. Well, have you spoken with Chris about any of this?" Steve knows the answer but has to ask.

"You're joking right?" Bucky scoffs and takes a seat on a nearby log. "No. Course not."

"I think you're worrying too much."

"Really? How so?" Maybe calling Steve was a bad idea. From what he can remember the guy wasn't that great when it came to the opposite sex to begin with.

"Buck come on. She's a pretty girl. So you're not blind. Big deal." The Captain sighs, this really is a minimal issue, considering recent events. "And not to mention you've been kind of busy the past few years. It's not like you made time for anything other then...well your work." Steve clears his throat, trying to be as subtle as possible. "It's not unusual for two people to develop feelings for each other over time. Especially when they go through alot together."

"But I don't want things to change between us." The way he can go to her with anything, and she's able to sooth his tension. The friendly banters they have back and forth. The way their time is spent together, he enjoys all of that and doesn't want to risk it, for anything. Can't it all just go back to the way it was before?

"Well, it kind of has though. Regardless, do you think you can go back to the same mindframe as before?" Steve asks, trying to prove a point. "You should talk to her."

"No. Absolutely not." Bucky's stern.

"What would you do if you found out she wanted something more?"

Why is that notion so terrifying? "I couldn't...I don't need to mess up her life as well." He sighs, she deserves better. "It's bad enough that I'm here."

"I think you're being a bit too harsh there pal. Besides, shouldn't that be her decision? If she didn't like having you around, then you wouldn't be there. Chrissy's kind and loving, not illogical." Steve's turn to exhale. "Or are you just afraid of her not feeling the same?"

That's he's not so sure. "Dunno." He tosses a stick for Jake to chase. "Maybe a little from column A and B."

"Are you in love with her?" Steve waits and hears nothing, just pure silence, not even the other man's breathing. "There's nothing wrong with that. And listen, I won't say anything."

Bucky lets out a breath, his hand running over his mouth. He can feel his sweat on his brow, what the hell? Guess that's his problem, someone just needed to point it out. He loves Chrissy, good God the poor woman. "I can't...I won't tell her…"

Steve sighs. "You're not going to take off, are you?"

"I can't…" Bucky admits. He might not be able to express his feelings to this woman, but it'll take death or her orders for him to leave. "I won't leave her alone…"

"I still think you should say something. What if she feels the…" Steve's trying to get through his thick skull.

Bucky picks up the stick that Jake brings back and tosses it in the field once more. "No...if she does...I won't be able to do the right thing...this way here she can find a good guy. One who doesn't go berserk and kill people." He scoffs anxiously while shuffling his boots around in the dirt.

Steve is quiet before he speaks. "Buck. You really think that will happen with you there threatening to kill anyone who touches her." Steve laughs. "Chris isn't the 'dating' type. It just won't happen. She...well...it's not my place to say anything. She's happy around you. I see it. Tony sees it and hates it. So there's something there…"

"No." Bucky bites his lip. "Just…no..."

"Alright." Steve sighs. "Listen. Think about it, but don't let it consume you. She'll figure out that there's something going on and pry it out if you dwell on it." Little does Steve know that Bucky's pretty sure that this gal has a few ideas of what might be bothering him, but he decides not to mention it.

"Yeah."

* * *

"You sure are working in here lots again these days." It's early morning, Chrissy's in the workshop bringing her friend a bite to eat. "Got something on your mind?"

Bucky knows she's not an imbecile, but he can't bring himself to deceive her. "Just working through some frustrations." He shrugs his shoulders. It's not a lie but it's not the entire truth either.

"You haven't been sleeping." She knows, because when he's in his room Bucky has nightmares most of the times and she hasn't heard him shouting. And he hasn't spent the night in her room for over a week. The dark circles under his eyes, also another clue.

"I haven't." A deep exhale as he takes a seat.

Purposely, Chrissy positions herself near the man and rests a hand on his shoulder. When he stands quickly and tries to make himself look busy, she crosses her arms. "Alright, that's enough. Out with it."

"With what?" The Soldier raises a brow in her direction, playing dumb. Fooling no one.

"You may be some super assassin, but you suck at lying to people you care about." She sees him wince at this. "I'm not going to drop the subject until you tell me what's up with you. You're not yourself."

"Myself?" He licks his lips and smiles. "You don't even know if how I've been all this time is really my regular self." He waves her off. Clearly annoyed. Bucky's trying to piss her off so that she leaves. It's not working the way he wants it to. "Neither do I."

"Really?" The woman grins, she's seen something similar before with other people. Denial. He looks smug and that right there almost has her laughing, the only person Bucky's fooling here is himself. Chrissy takes a step closer and he takes one back. Head held high like he's an unmovable object. "So me being near you is a problem all of a sudden?"

His jaw clenches. "And if it is?" Already, he regrets this behavior and tone. Disrespectful, rude, with her, never. What's wrong with him? Ungrateful prick. He exhales, wanting to apologize, but doesn't.

"Well I'd have to respect your wishes and your space." Chrissy pockets her hands and takes a few steps back, and this action pains his heart. "But don't expect me to stop worrying about you just because you're going through something you don't think I can relate to. And if you're trying to distance yourself, I can understand that...but you're going about it the wrong way. You could just say that's what you want or need. Nothing wrong with that. I'm here for you regardless."

His tongue glides over his teeth and he dips his head. She's right. Bucky doesn't want anything to change between them. The way he's going about this could actually hurt their friendship not save it. And everything he's going through, maybe she wouldn't be able to understand. Does that mean he should try to figure it out on his own?

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." A low almost inaudible whisper. "I just...I need to not be around anyone for a bit...if that's alright." He takes a few steps closer, hand rubbing at his arm.

"Of course." She sighs and her expression softens. "Don't ever feel like there's something you can't ask or tell me. Alright? I'm not offended. Sometimes people need time and space to think and be alone." She takes his hand, squeezes it and turns to leave. His grip tightens and he pulls her back gently into a hug.

"I really am sorry." Is he sniffling? He must be so confused.

"It's alright. We're good." When she pulls away, a smile on her lips, she looks up and sees that he's completely miserable. Brow creasing with concern, Chrissy rubs a thumb over his cheekbone and he leans into her touch, lingering in the sensation. Obviously he has missed their contact and closeness. "Oh sweetie, what's wrong?" She feels horrible, why is he so upset?

Quickly, details from the last few weeks are running through her mind. Other than the recent missions, she can't think of anything else that would cause this man so much grief. He hasn't said or suggested that the recent events are still bothering him. So maybe he's still hiding inner struggles about that. Maybe there was a nightmare or random memory he hasn't told her about. "You can tell me anything, remember?"

Bucky nods and rests his forehead on hers and remains silent. Arms flexing around her shoulders, holding her close. She rubs his back and tries to remain as supportive as possible. "I'm not going anywhere. It's ok. I'm not angry with you. Just worried. Ok?"

Eyes are closed as he nods against her skin. A tear escapes and trails down the side of his face. Seriously, what is with this man? Quickly Chrissy wipes the moisture with her hand and places a kiss on the Soldier's cheek. She's at a lost as to what she should do. He went from not being able to have her anywhere near him, to trying to pull her into his skin.

"How about we head inside?" She suggests and he doesn't move. "Do you want me to call Steve?"

Still not moving he sighs. "No...thanks. I just need a bit of time to sort through my head...I'm sorry I can't figure out a way to explain it better."

"That's alright. Don't worry about it. Just...if you need someone to talk to…" Chrissy's not budging, she'll leave when he's ready for her to.

* * *

That night, Bucky finally sits at the dining table and eats supper. Chrissy's ecstatic to see that he's eating again, but doesn't make a big deal over it. Later he helps with the dishes in silence. It's a bit odd considering he hasn't been in the house much, but it's nice to have him nearby again, even if he's unusually quiet. Even Bucky's not usually this silent.

Chance is rolling around tugging at his owners pant leg. Then, Chrissy sees it. For the first time in days. A smile.

Bucky picks up the hyper kitten and pets it's tiny head. "Milk?" He asks like as if the tiny thing will answer. He pulls out the carton of milk and a small saucer. The kitten is purring as it drinks the cold liquid.

"No offence but you look horribly exhausted." Chrissy rinses a few dishes and places them on the rack. "Why don't you go pick a movie and I'll finish up here. Ok?"

Exhaling, Bucky does as she requests. Choosing something at random, what the hell is Zombieland? Whatever, that's the first thing that he grabbed. He sits on the sofa and waits for Chrissy to make her way into the living room. When she settles in the oversized chair a little too far away he sighs dropping his shoulders. This space, it hurts. And it pains him that this is something he can't admit out loud. She's only doing what he asked and he hates it. Unintentionally, Bucky's staring at her.

"Bucky?" Chrissy's questioning him. "I asked if you were going to start the movie." He blinks a few times in her direction and she offers a weary smile.

"Can...you sit over here? With me?" He's probably confusing the hell out of her and he feels horrible. Chrissy picks up her blanket without hesitating and sits at the opposite end of the couch. Lips turning up in a warm smile.

Content, Bucky pushes play. Looking at the woman from the corner of his eye every few minutes, he caves. Tossing the remote onto the table, he stretches out on the sofa and rests the side of his face on her chest. Instantly her fingers are combing through his hair. She doesn't mock, question or push him away, only continues to smooth back his dark hair, causing him to feel incredibly spent. Comfortable, warm, near.

"Why on earth did you pick this one?" She laughs, and it's as though nothing has changed between them.

Bucky lets out a puff of air. "Honestly I didn't care what I grabbed...just wanted to lie here...like this." A confession. He sounds groggy and tired. Muscles are screaming, brain is shutting down. How he desperately needs sleep.

Chrissy drapes the blanket over him and he's enveloped in soothing warmth. This is how they are suppose to be. Not at a distance and not all weird. He relaxes against her and sighs, content with their current arrangement. "I'm tired." He admits as a yawn escapes his mouth.

"I know sweetie. Want to go to bed?" His arms around her tighten. Afraid that she may just leave him alone, by himself, with his thoughts, worries and nightmares to keep him company, awake. Skeletons, ghosts, pain and so much death.

"I'm good here with you... if that's alright." Not having any sleep for the past seven days has taken its toll on him. He's not moving from this spot, and if he's frank he could probably fall asleep anywhere. Preferably, with her near.

"Course it is." Chrissy kisses his forehead and brings her attention to the Zombie flick. Right. This is different. She's not exactly a monster or horror flick person.

The movie is finishing for a second time when she decides to turn it off and just get comfortable. Looks like this is where they are bunking tonight. The Soldier's been sleeping this entire time, she can't bring herself to wake him. Chrissy squirms down further and tries to get comfortable. Even with the weight of this man against her frame and his belt digging into her hip, she's determined to get some rest.

* * *

Jakes loud bark and a knock at the door is what wakes them at six in the morning. "What the..." Bucky leaves the warmth of the sofa with a disapproving grunt. "Charlotte what the hell? No warning?"

_"My apologies Sergeant Barnes but I didn't wish to wake you. You haven't slept in seven days. Victor was only..."_

"Yeah...Alright." He cuts the A.I mid sentence. "Still...next time say something. And it's Bucky..." Had there had been a weapon near by, he probably would have been alarmed enough to use it.

_"Noted."_

Adjusting his clothing and running a hand through his hair, Bucky opens the door to see the delivery truck leaving. Looks like Victor stopped in and left a few large boxes by the door. Quickly and with barely any effort Bucky places the parcels inside and heads back to the sofa. He lifts the blanket and settles back down beside his sleeping friend.

"Probably the clothes I ordered for you." The woman begins to move and he flexes his arms keeping her in place. "You still tired? Why don't you go get some proper rest in your bed?" His arms squeeze again, his way of telling her to be quiet. Stay put.

"Come on we should at least eat." He's not budging, Chrissy sighs. "Let's get some stuff done. I promise, if you need to we can sleep like this tonight. Ok? We're good, remember?"

Surprising even himself, Bucky hadn't realized how much he missed this, how much he missed her, and her presence.

"Can we lie here like this for a bit longer?" He's exhausted and just maybe, a bit lonely.

"Want me to run my hands through your hair?" A quick nod. Maybe he just needs reassurance and company. After a few minutes he takes one of her hands and kisses the top of it.

"Thanks...for not getting frustrated, angry or insulted. I don't know what's going on with me most times and it comes off the wrong way. I'm sorry you have to deal with that." His metallic thumb is tracing small circles on the back of her hand.

"That's why I'm here. To help you sort through everything. Part of the job description." The woman giggles as she pushes his bangs behind his ear.

"But it's more then that. We're...friends...I'm not just some person who walked in here with the intent on getting better and leaving…"

"True. And yes we're friends." She smiles at him and that right there makes everything better. "I care about you." He's looking up at her, he's cared for and that's making him feel weird inside. But it's a nice kind of weird. Warm.

"I care about you too...that's why I was staying away...if that makes sense." He scoffs. Even he finds this explanation ridiculous.

"It doesn't. But it's ok. Sometimes we do strange things if we think it'll keep the people close to us from being hurt."

This is true. All he was trying to do was not take out his frustrations on her. Or accidentally kill her in one of his outbursts or nightmares. But then there's also the stuff he talked with Steve about. All things that could technically hurt her.

Bucky decides to sit up and he lingers a little too long by her face. Eyes studying her facial expressions. Breath against her cheek. "We should start the day." He smiles and gets up from the cushions. Her eyes are honest, there's no hint of anything beyond warmth and support in her bright orbs. She's still not afraid of him. Crazy, stubborn woman.

Chrissy manages to return his smile, although a little unsure of what her gut is telling her. "I'm starving and in terrible need of a shower."

"You smell fine to me. My Cologne suits you." He laughs and she smacks him playfully. There, everything is back to normal.

* * *

A distraction. It's needed. Somehow, Chrissy's able to convince the Soldier that they need to get away for a few hours. He's a little more cautious and paranoid since the last mission, who can blame the poor guy. Chrissy's amazed that she's even able to get him to go along with the idea at all. They head into town and decide to get a few things that's needed around the farm.

Bucky's balancing a knife in his palm, the weight of the handle is off. He places it back on the counter and takes the next one the store clerk hands him. Turning the blade over between his fingers a few times, this one could work, it's light and small.

"Three of these."

"No problem. Nice choice by the way." The thin man behind the counter pulls out an additional two throwing knives and a small black tactical pouch. "Comes with it." He hands the blades over so the other man can inspect them. "That everything?"

The Soldier nods and waits for the man to ring his purchase through.

"There you are." Chrissy leans on the countertop and studies the contents in the glass. "That woman over there has been checking you out this entire time." She beams, lifting an amused brow.

Annoyed, Bucky sighs and hands his credit card to the man behind the cash. "I know. You do remember what it is I used to do... for a living...right?" Alright, he didn't make a living or any cash at all, but they kept him alive. Same shit different pile. He takes the small bag from the clerk and brings his attention to Chrissy. "She did that last time too...it's a bit unsettling." He shrugs his shoulders.

"You've talked to her before?" Why does Chrissy seem so interested in this? Even happy.

The Soldier shrugs his shoulders and heads for the door, Chrissy's matching his steps. "At the hardware store, when we found Chance. She was going on about some coffee shop." He rolls his eyes.

Chrissy laughs, either he doesn't get when a woman's flirting with him or just doesn't care. "So she was hinting around. And you didn't ask her out? Why not? She's cute." Chrissy's glancing over her shoulder at the other woman. "Maybe it would be good to…"

"Are you out of your mind? No." What's wrong with this woman? He's barely stable enough to be around people he trusts, the last thing he needs is for something to happen around a civilian. And dating? He has no interest or need. Why? He can't really answer that. Just no. Nope. Nuh uh.

Pressing her lips together, Chrissy tries to hide her amusement. "Well I don't think it matters, because it looks like she's heading this way." Really, this would probably be good for him. Something normal to help remind him of what being human feels like. Another distraction that he'd probably benefit from.

"What? No…" Eyes full of panic, he pleads with his friend to help him. "I can't...and I'm not sure I'd be all that polite about it."

"Alright." Chrissy smiles and leans into him, her arm wrapping around his waist. "This should give the right impression." She winks up at him as he pulls her close, hand gripping at her shoulder like a life preserver.

"I owe you one." He rests the side of his face against her forehead. They leave the store and walk down the street. The woman from the hardware store nowhere in site. There's no longer any need for them to continue on like a fake happy couple, but there's no rush to push Chrissy from his side either.

"She went the other way." Chrissy begins pulling away from him, her grip around Bucky's frame loosening.

The Soldier's arm keeps her in place. "So?" Is there a reason she doesn't wish to be close with him in public? This he has a hard time understanding. Maybe he just misunderstood, because she smiles up at him and hugs his side gently.

"As long as I don't tarnish your reputation." She giggles and isn't surprised to hear him laugh.

"Yeah. I'm no Saint." He clears his throat and hands her the bag with the knives in it. "This is for you." When the woman raises a brow at him, Bucky laughs lightly.

"You know, if you're trying to get on my good side, cake and wine works just as well...if not better." She shakes her head and takes the plastic bag. "Because items from the local hunting and sporting goods store, not really my thing."

"You said you know how to throw a blade." Bucky shakes his head. "It's something that's easily concealed and when all else fails, it's better to have it and not need it…"

"Then to need it and not have it." She sighs, God he sounds just like Connor and Logan. "That's why I keep you around. You're handy like that. I don't have a need for things like this."

"Thanks." He snickers. "I won't always be around." A sad admission. "Trust me, this is something you should have as a just in case. Your line of work. The people you come into contact with. Me. There's plenty of reasons to keep practicing stuff like this."

"Fine." Finally she agrees. "But no more after this." She holds the bag up and wiggles it. "The way I see it. The world is what you make it. If I go around expecting something bad to happen, then I'm inviting it in."

"Or if you're not prepared, you die." The hand on her shoulder tightens. He'd rather have her around for a lot longer.

"Then it's just my time." She pats his hand. "We all have an expiration date. I'd rather enjoy the time that I do have and make the most of it while I'm here."

That's actually a good way to look at it. A positive outlook on life, maybe he can try to have the same kind of mindset. "I'd like to be able to live like that...I don't know if I can." This is as honest as he's ever been. It would be nice to just breathe and not count the seconds in between his next breath.

"How about I help with that." She sees a small thin smile play on his lips. "Let's make a bit of a deal. I'll make sure to keep these near by and learn to be a bit more 'safe' and you will try to learn to let go a little."

Chewing on his lip as he mulls this over, Bucky decides that it's not that bad of a compromise. "Deal." He'll be a bit more at ease knowing she's being a little more vigilant about her safety and he'll learn to 'live' a little more.

When they reach the Chevy, Chrissy pushes her hair behind her ears. Bucky is a bit concerned about the feeling in his gut when she separates from him. When he opens the door she smiles up at him.

"What?" He snickers.

"Nothing." She grabs hold of his gloved hand. "You're a nice guy." The Soldier smirks and shakes his head. "You really should have at least tried to talk to that woman. Never know, maybe something good could have come of it."

"No thanks. One crazy woman in my life is more than enough." He places a light kiss on her forehead and pulls her into a hug.

Resting her head under his chin, Chrissy squeezes his ribs. This is the first time he has shown affection beyond the safety of the farm. Baby Steps, Chrissy is so proud of his progress, but can't continually praise, she assumes that would do more damage than good.

* * *

It's an odd thing for the universe to do, to have two men whose lives have intertwined so many times, but to have neither of them remember it. As they sit by the fire, sipping on cold beer, Bucky can tell that Logan is looking back at him with the same thought process running through his brain. A slight feeling of deja vu. He barely knows this man, but deep down he feels respect for Logan. Why?

"Chris told me about Caesar." The Wolverine shakes his head. "Always told her that one day these damned animals would get her hurt...or worse." He snickers as he gazes back towards the other Soldier. Eyes dark and serious, the metaphor understood.

Bucky clenches his jaw, the other man has a point. "Yeah...told her the same thing actually."

"Well at least you have some common sense about yah. We're dangerous people." Logan leans back in the chair, the wood creaks under the pressure. "So let's cut to the chase. Chris isn't around…so you don't have to worry none about being polite or washing down details."

"Uh...pardon?" Bucky licks his lips, he's a bit lost as to where their conversation is headed.

"You know why she had Cap call me." He sees the other man nod. "She gave me the quick version of what's going on when I got here."

Right, now Bucky feels put on the spot. But from what Chrissy has told him, this man's probably one of the only people that can actually understand or maybe even make sense of any of the things that he's going through.

"Says you have nightmares, blackouts...among other things. Also, you're working lots with the animals and finding different ways to keep yourself occupied. You might even be thick enough to think it's working. Keep busy and you don't have to think or dwell on things as much." The other Soldier is quiet, Logan doesn't need him to respond in order to get the answer he needs. "That's good...in away. But it's horse shit and you know it."

Bucky locks eyes with the other man. "I don't know what else to do." Feels kind of relieving to admit that out loud.

"First thing's first, Buckaroo. She can help. Speaking from experience. Sure, she can't fix everything...men like us don't deserve that anyways." Wolverine hands the other man another beer and opens one for himself. "So let her help. Try the things she suggests. Been doing this a long ass time."

Bucky's chewing at his inner lip, maybe he should listen to this man.

"What more do you have to lose? You're going to think this is funny, but she's the reason I got into meditating." He sees Bucky raise a brow. "Ain't nothing wrong with it, and it's not for everyone. But it's calmed me, some. Chris told me you write and work...with the animals, with your craft." Logan pats the arm of the chair he's sitting in. "You also hunt." His eyes are examining the other man.

"Yeah." Bucky shrugs.

"By the way she tells it. The horses, the farm...all of this." Wolverine waves a hand over the view of the property. "This is your peace, your meditation. But you can't keep forcing all the other crap back down and burying it. That'll just make things worse in the end. That's how you lose yourself, lose control."

Bucky lets out a puff of breath and drags a hand over his face. "I know…it's just...when I remember or my brain wanders around in those memories, I get lost. And then it's like, I'm there watching it happen all over again. I can't change what happened. It was me, but it wasn't."

Logan nods. The Wolverine seems to understand. "I've got more demons than most kid...it's taken me years to figure this out, take my advice. You need to admit what you are, what you were and own it. You don't go hunting because you can...you're a predator. I don't care what Rogers calls it. That's what you are. So you can keep doing what you're doing here...nothing wrong with that. You can also choose to do what you do best."

There's a noise of metal sliding when Wolverine pops the claws out of his right fist. "No one said you can't do both or just one. It's your choice. But own all of it. The good with the bad."

"Does it get better?" He's referring to the pain of the memories and the feeling of guilt and disgust.

Wolverine retracts his claws. "Somedays are better than others. I still don't remember everything. I'm not even really sure how old I am." The Canadian man laughs. "I know I'm a lot older than you. There are some nights I wake up from dreams about people and I can't even remember their names. Sometimes I still get flashes of memories here and there. I'll never remember everything...but I try to focus on each day and the people around me that matter. But I never forget what I am, what I've been through and what I'm capable of."

"You're not afraid of what you could do...to any of them?" The Soldier shifts in his seat.

"Sure. At one point in time I even went as far as living in the wilds...not sure for how long. Maybe months, maybe years. Thought it was best. I was wrong." Logan tosses some wood into the flames and smiles warmly. God he hates being cold and he assumes that the kid with the metal arm probably feels the same way. "It's up to me to keep the beast at bay...and it's been worth it. It can be for you as well kid. You have a chance here."

"I know…" Why can't he verbalize more or maybe even ask more in depth questions?

"Chris ain't never gonna turn you away either. She put up with me...I was no sunday picnic."

Buckys laughs lightly and stares into the flames, a million thoughts going through his mind.

"Tell you what. I'll stay a few days. Gives you a chance to think of anything you might want to ask or just go over. We can spar a little, see how rusty you've gotten." The other man grins at this prospect. "I know you've been having more violent outbursts and nightmares lately...Chris said you haven't slept much."

"I'm just…" God it feels weird admitting things out loud, maybe even a bit embarrassing. "Terrified...of what I might do. I'm not me in that state of mind. Does that make sense or does it sound a bit nuts?"

"Nah, I get it. Well, you're going to get some rest tonight." Logan can see that the other man is about to protest, so he raises his hand. "Trust me. Something happens, I'll be here."

"I'd kill you." A sad confession. Bucky shakes his head.

Wolverine snickers and downs the rest of his Sleeman. "No kid, you'd try. Won't happen, I don't die easy."

Bucky's eyes drift to Chrissy's windows. "But she can…"

"You'd have to get through me first, and that won't happen. Listen, you can't go on forever with no sleep, doesn't work. You'll make things worse. In order for your brain to heal it needs rest, just like the rest of your body."

* * *

A man's floating in liquid, in a large glass prison. A mask strapped to his face, tubes and wires attached and inserted into his flesh. Machines are beeping, heart rate and breathing constantly being monitored. The Asset scans his surroundings, something about this damp room sets off a flurry of emotions in his core that he can't understand. The next thing he knows, his hands are pulling at the machines monitoring the other man. Why is this scene bothering him so much?

Without thought or reason, The Asset pulls out his handgun, points it at the base of the glass and fires off five rounds. The tube shatters and liquid spills across the room bringing the naked man with it. An alarm is going off, red lights are flashing. Great. Quickly his eyes are searching the surveillance screens, looking for an exit. Finding one that's suitable, the Asset makes his way next to the man.

There's an animalistic grunt. The Asset waits, nothing, no movement. So he pulls off the mask and most of the wires. Just as he's about to lift the man, he feels the cool sting of three blades resting below his adam's apple. His eyes drift down to the wild, terrified man. He doesn't move.

Another grunt. The Asset motions with his chin towards the door and raises his hands. "You need to move, they are coming for us." Cautiously, he takes a step back. The other man has his hand and claws still pointing in his direction. "Go. I'll take care of it." Why does he care if this man makes it out alive? And why does he seem...familiar? Again the Asset motions for the captive to make his escape. "Go!"

The sound of people rushing towards the room is heard. He's going to regret this. It's going to to be painful, of that he's certain.

Why does his jaw hurt? Jesus Christ, was he hit by a truck? Groaning, Bucky slowly rotates his jaw. Wincing, the Soldier realizes that he's lying face down on the floor. Vision blurry, he pushes up on shaking hands and arms. The area is dark, it's his room. Fresh warm blood pools in his mouth and his left side screams in agony. Did his wounds reopen?

When the Soldier comes to a full stand, he can see Logan standing in front of Chrissy, his left arm holding her back. Wait a minute, Logan's shielding her, from him? Why? What's going on?

"Oh God, what happened? Did I hurt anyone?" Bucky's backing up while checking his hands. If he did something, there'd be evidence. Please don't let there be blood on his knuckles.

"Nah you didn't get that far. Not for lack of trying though." Wolverine licks his lip, there's blood on his face, but no wound. What the hell? "Are you good or do you need me to smack you around a bit more?"

Bucky sits down at the edge of his bed, still staring at his hands. His eyes protest when Chrissy turns on the lamp. Within a few moments, she hands Logan a damp cloth and makes her way next to Bucky.

"Let me take a look...you don't heal like Logan does." When she pushes the hair back from his face, the Soldier pulls away. "Bucky, you're bleeding. Let me clean you up a bit."

"I could have killed you." He whispers while staring at her from the corner of his eyes. "I could have killed you and I wouldn't even remember how it happened. I'd just wake up bloody...and…" He can feel the moisture building in his eyes. Bucky rotates his shoulders and shakes of the feeling of dread.

"Stop." She hushes him. "You didn't do anything to me. I heard you shouting. Came to check on you and you were already out of bed. You asked me if I was alright…" Seeing him relax, Chrissy begins wiping the blood from his face and forehead. "That's when Logan showed up. You thought he was going to hurt me so you attacked him."

Eyes wide, his focus lands on Logan. "I don't remember…" He begins to stand, he should apologize, offer this man something, what, he doesn't know. God he feels horrible. "I didn't mean…"

"No big deal bub." Wolverine finishes wiping the blood from his face. "Good thing you hit like an old man." A side smirk.

Really, grandpa jokes from this fossil? Bucky sits back down and lets Chrissy finish up. "I'm sorry." His head is hanging low, shame is becoming something he's growing accustomed to.

"There's nothing to apologize for." Chrissy smiles gently and nods in Logan's direction. "We're good here. Thanks Logan."

"You sure?" His gaze is serious, but he knows better than anyone that Chrissy is the best when it comes to judging a sensitive situation. She nods and sports a gracious smile. "I'll be in Caps room if you need me...it's the closest."

Bucky's staring at the other man's retreating form. "He was there…" Shock is setting in, that's why there's a feeling of recognition. "I helped him escape. They had him locked up...similar to how I was being kept. Only he was in some sort of liquid."

The Soldier looks up at Chrissy who's standing in front of him, waiting patiently. "Do you remember anything else?" Bucky shakes his head. "Well maybe you can talk to him about it in the morning, might help the both of you in the end. He still has many gaps to fill as well."

"Yeah…" But there's still that feeling, the same one he had in the dream. Bucky knew this man before he helped him back then. How? Maybe that's something he can discuss with the Wolverine. "I'm sore...what'd he hit me with?" He rubs his jaw.

"His fist." A small sad chuckle and then a sigh. "He's got adamantium grafted to his bones as well as an extremely fast healing factor…" Bucky's eyes grow with terror, not of the man, but of what he must of been forced to endure. Blood but no wound, makes sense now. "Yeah...I know right?"

"I really didn't try to hurt you?"

"No, course not. Pushed me behind you as soon as Logan burst through the door." She sits down near the head of his bed. "Come here." She says gently, a hand reaching out for him. "Please."

In pain and worn out, the Soldier's shoulders drop, deflated and exhausted. Sighing, knowing she won't listen to reason even if he were to speak up, he decides to comply. Bucky lies his head down on Chrissy's lap, her fingers and palms are massaging his shoulders and neck. There's a relaxed groan that escapes him and he hates it.

"You always seem to sleep better when you're relaxed." She begins to explain. "If you don't go to sleep all tense or stressed out, maybe you'll still have nightmares, but maybe there's a chance they won't affect you as bad."

Shit, she has a point. "Maybe." Eyelids feel heavy, so he wraps an arm around her knees. "I'm falling asleep." He yawns deeply. "You shouldn't stay here...I don't know how I'll be..."

"We'll find out." She shifts, a noise of protest leaves him as he's forced to move from where he was lying comfortably. Having little control over his motor skills, the Soldier allows himself to fall onto his stomach. Bucky can feel her hands on his torso, rubbing and applying pressure to spots he didn't even know were sore. "Sleep."

No problem. As soon as his eyes shut, Bucky drifts into that sweet abyss of nothing. No dreams, no fear, just blankness.

When he wakes the next morning, Chrissy's curled up on her side beside him, a hand resting on his metallic shoulder, the other snug under her cheek. There's no way he's going to fall back asleep. Glancing at the clock, he sees that it's not even six A.M. Quietly, Bucky slips out of bed, tuckys Chrissy in, gets dressed and leaves the room.

The Soldier's entering the barn when Logan hands him a cup of coffee. That's the first time someone gets the jump on him, it won't happen again. "All done." The man points over his shoulder with his thumb towards the horses. "Was up a while ago."

"Uh, thanks." The Soldier accepts the mug.

"She stayed eh." Wolverine states while looking over the horses.

"Yeah. Came back to check on me?" Bucky snickers and takes a drink.

"No." Logan's careful gaze returns to the other man. "Can smell her scent, you're covered in it."

"Oh…" Yeah that's not creepy at all.

"Is there something else you need to tell me. Anything else I should know?" Logan waits. Either this kid is honest, lying or dumb as a door knob.

"About?" Bucky shrugs his shoulders.

Honest door knob it is. "Nothing. Don't worry about it." Logan shakes his head. Dumbass.

* * *

Chrissy takes a seat next to Logan by the fire. It's early morning, but the Wolverine never was one for indoors much. As he takes a puff from his cigar, Logan studies the woman beside him. It's been a long time since he's seen her last, but Chrissy still looks the same, although a little tired.

"I find it funny you're not out there with him." The woman gestures with a nod to the back property.

Logan pushes the cigar to the corner of his mouth. "Thought he could use a bit of time to let off some steam. Not like I can't find him if I need to."

A small grin and Chrissy leans forward, trying to warm her hands up by the fire. "True."

Taking on a more serious tone, the Wolverine rubs his palms on his jeans. "He should see Charles." He waits for her reaction, but gets none. "Look, I know you think it might be a bad idea bringing him to a setting like that. We both know he'd never stay there...go with him, stay a week. See what the old man has to say."

Letting out a puff of air, Chrissy dips her head. "I don't know. I can mention it to him...see what he thinks."

Logan places a hand on hers and grasps it gently. "There's only so much you can do." The man isn't wrong. It's the same reason why the Wolverine had to leave her home when he did all those years ago. "He has a better chance than I ever did. Maybe Xavier can point him in the right direction, piece together a few things...hell maybe even clear away some of the shit those freaks did to his brain."

Considering these suggestions, Chrissy licks her lips and nods. "I'll see what I can do. In the end, it's up to him." Smiling warmly, the woman regards her long time friend. "It's really good to see you again Logan."

The man pulls her to his side, a small hug. "Yeah, I've missed you too."

* * *

"Hmpf. Guess I owe you my thanks." Logan grunts.

"No. Guaranteed I was there for a reason. And I'm willing to bet it wasn't a rescue mission." Not with the people that were pulling his strings, no way. "Honestly, it's a pretty good possibility that you were my intended target. Nothing's for certain...but I know a thanks is not in order."

"Fine." A smug grin. "Kid I don't care why you were there. You got me out. End of story. Looks like it's time to repay the favor." Logan readies his stance.

"By letting me kick your ass?" The Soldier scoffs and advances. He throws a few quick punches and lunges with his knee. Missing every time. Aggravated, he grunts.

"Little full of yourself, don't you think?" The Wolverine laughs. This kid has a lot to learn when it comes to controlling his anger. If he can manage that, maybe that'll help. "Try again. This time, don't use your anger as the fuel behind your punches. Breathe through each movement."

The Soldier tries to do as his new friend instructs. With every movement Logan pushes his opponent's hand aside or averts a blow. He's able to predict every one of Bucky's moves and steps. What the hell! It's infuriating.

"You're good." Logan admits. "But you're too focused on why you want to hit your target. Stop wanting to hit me and just do it!"

That's it, Logan's done dodging, kid needs to learn the hard way. Bucky takes a few quick steps forward. His right fist swings, Logan catches it and lands a solid blow in his gut. A metallic hand comes up for a left hook and nails his target in the jaw, the man stumbles back a few feet and Bucky advances. Bringing up his knee and then his elbow, each making contact.

"Feel better?" Logan licks the blood from his lips and stands up straighter. "There. You finally focused enough." The cut on the man's eyebrow heals right before Bucky's eyes. "You need to accept what you are. Once you do that you'll have more focus. Why do you think the Winter Soldier part of you is so good at what he does? He doesn't hesitate and is completely aware of what he is and capable of."

The Soldier's shoulders drop. "Yeah, but he has little to no humanity."

"Listen kid, that ain't you. Just because you accept what it is you're good at doing doesn't make you a monster or even the Winter Soldier. It makes you aware. Of what you can do. I'm no Saint, I know that. Came to terms with that knowledge a long time ago. That's what made me better at what I do. Protecting the people I care about…" Logan's eyes land on the house. "And becoming a vital part of something I think is worth fighting for."

Bucky is listening to everything this man has to say. It's the first time he thinks someone might be able to completely grasp his inner struggles.

"Cap gave you an invite, a reason to use your skills when you see fit. But I can tell that you feel like your place is here. And you still want to help your buddy out. Ain't nothing wrong with that. But do it on your terms. Not theirs." Logan sighs. "At the end of the day, it's you that has to stare at your own mug in the mirror. Do things your way so that you can learn to live with what you see staring back."

"Thanks." All things he already knew, but maybe he just needed it confirmed by someone who went through a similar ordeal.

"No problem. How about another round?"


	12. Chapter 12 : Light Hearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow, this has to be the longest chapter that I've ever posted for any fic. I think it's because I feel bad knowing that my updates won't be as often as I would like. Instead of two a month it'll probably be more like one. But I guess it'll just be more along this size. So this is a happier chapter I guess you can call it...sure we'll call it that. It's nice to write those once and a while. Well Light Hearted, like the chapter title says, that's more accurate. Anyways, please let me know your thoughts on it. Hope you lovelies enjoy the lengthy chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer : Marvel owns all rights to their characters, but not mine ;)

** Chapter 12 : Light Hearted **

 

It’s early evening as Bucky makes his way out from the barn and back towards the home. The air is crisp and there’s a light covering of snow in the fields. Perfect hunting conditions. As his breath leaves him and becomes visible in the cool breeze, the Soldier relaxes his shoulders. 

Is it weird that he actually finds himself missing the presence of the Wolverine? That gruff Canadian and his tough guy act, it’s not exactly an act, the man is seriously just as solid as the metal that lines his bones. But Bucky knows better, the guy has a soft spot, a very small one, but it’s there, he cares a great deal. 

For no other reason than to help a fellow amnesiac, Logan had extended his visit to a week. Welcoming any questions and offering guidance and suggestions. He even went as far as teaching Barnes some different coping mechanisms. Different ways to keep grounded. Everything, every word, every suggestion, the Soldier wrote down in his note books. Just incase.

The Wolverine did his best to help digest and analyze Bucky’s memories and findings. They spent hours going over his handwriting and then when coffee wore out its effects, they took to training and sparring. Beer, outdoors, campfires and a lot of new good memories.

As much as Steve wants to help and can relate on a certain level, he can’t understand. Not fully. Rogers is a good man and has gone through his fair share of ordeals and obstacles, but as much as he wants to, Steve will never be able to comprehend this lingering feeling of self loathing that’s always looming over Bucky’s being.

Logan, gets it. On a different scale, but he gets it. The Wolverine always seems to know what to tell his new friend. And honestly, now, Bucky feels like at least some of the imaginary weight of guilt and self hatred that he’d been carrying around feels a little lighter. It’s not entirely gone, but it does feel like as if some of it has been removed and laid to rest. 

Taking another inhale the Soldier enters the home and hangs up his jacket. “What are you making?” 

Proudly holding up her craft, the woman smiles warmly. “This is my harvest wreath. Made a few of them.” Chrissy’s got everything she needs to create her items. Leaves, flowers and pine cones are spread out all over the living room floor. 

“Looks complicated. I'll stick to hunting.” The Soldier snickers as he heads over to the kitchen sink. Washing his hands, he lets a grin appear. “Got one of the tags filled.” Bucky glances over his shoulder and sees Chrissy give him a thumbs up.

“Great! Was that why you were out by the barn so long?” Wiping the glue off of her hands, the woman heads into the kitchen. “All strung up?”

Bucky nods. “Yup. I took Dallas out.” He's referring to the young brindle horse. “He was really good while I was sighting the rifles last time. He didn’t spook then, thought it would be a good opportunity to test him out in the field.” In all reality Bucky's not that concerned about being thrown from the animal, it’s not like he’ll be shooting anything from it’s back. However, having to carry the dead weight of a full grown male moose by himself for miles, is not something he had on the agenda for today.

“I’m guessing he did alright.” 

“So did Jake.” Bucky tosses the retriever a dog treat. “Now there will be meat in the freezer, as promised.” 

“Do I have to get that moose head stuffed and mounted?” Chrissy can see the man stare back at her with a raised eyebrow. “Ok. That’s a no. Perfect.” She lets out a breath of relief. Connor was never one for displaying his ‘trophies’ either. It’s something she’d rather not have hanging about, literally. 

“So...any migraines or anything?”

Chrissy smiles brightly. “Nope. Not even a sore neck. Got lots done so far. Should have people showing up on the property by the end of the week to start getting things ready.” She sees the Soldier shift his weight to his other leg. “They are all people that have been here before and worked this event many times.”

Clearing his throat, Bucky sighs. “It’s not that…it’s just...well me being around people in general.” It’s something he usually tries to steer clear of, especially with recent events, it’s probably for the best. He’s been stable enough lately, sure, with familiar surroundings and friends.

“I understand. I’ll be here and so will Steve and a few of the others.” The perfect group of support. “Can’t hide away forever.” She winks and heads back to the living room and starts to clean. “If you feel anxious at any point, just let me know. We can leave for a bit, go for a walk. I’m not about to toss you into a situation that you’re uncomfortable with, but I’m not about to let you hide away from the world either.”

_“Sergeant Dave Cartier has arrived.”_ The A.I informs. 

“Oh alright. Thanks Charlotte.” Chrissy wipes her hands on the back of her pants. Right away she spots the big red Dodge Ram heading down the driveway. Dave’s sons and daughter wave happily from the backseat of the vehicle. Jake begins to bark excitedly. “Looks like Dave brought you some company.” Chrissy pats the canine on the head, the animal barks and bounds down the steps when she opens the door to let him out.

“Hey Chris.” 

“Hi Dave. You brought the kids! Perfect timing, I just made a bunch of cookies today.” She can see the eyes of the twin boys and her little niece light up at the mention of treats. “Hey baby doll, how you doing?” Chrissy bends low and embraces the little girl.

“What kind of cookies did you make Tante?” A little pink tongue darts out, eager to hear what her aunt has to say.

“I think there might be chocolate chip...maybe even some butter tarts. You’ll have to go snoop around in the kitchen.” Chrissy laughs as the little girl and her two brothers dart for the house, Jake not too far behind. “Don’t make too big of a mess.” She calls over her shoulder in an amused warning.

As Dave opens the tailgate, he notices Bucky making his way towards the truck. “Evening Sergeant Barnes.” The officer shakes the other man’s hand. “It’s good to see you again.”

“James.” Bucky corrects with a warm smile. 

“Brought enough crops to keep you baking for a while Chris.” Dave chuckles as he unloads a large basket from the back of the truck. “I expect baked goods from you now...you do know this right?”

What is it with everyone wanting to be paid with food? Maybe it’s a new currency she’s not aware of. “Yeah, I’ll have an order for you as always.” She snickers and takes one of the baskets.

As they make their way into the home they hear a crash in the kitchen. Raising a curious brow, Bucky stares at Chrissy. “Munchkins.” She shrugs her shoulders and walks away. 

Munchkins? What the hell does that even mean? Was that suppose to be a satisfactory explanation? Because it isn’t. Then he hears it, another crash, a dog bark and kids laughing. The Soldier swallows slowly. Is he really safe and stable enough to have kids around right now?

He lets a puff of air leave his lungs and uses it to move the hair from his eyes. With a few quick steps, he’s in the dining room and deposits the baskets onto the table. Before the Soldier leaves to help Dave once more, he spots the little girl sitting on the counter. Chrissy is handing her the kitten, Bucky smiles.

“This is Chance.You have to be gentle.” Chrissy reminds as she assists the little girl with cradling the animal. “He’s only little.”

“Okay tante.” Her hands are petting the small animal. “Can I give him a cookie?”

“Cats don’t eat cookies sweety.” Chrissy laughs, picks up the little girl and heads towards the Soldier.

“Who’s that?” A small squeak of a whisper in her aunt’s ear.

The woman smiles. “This is my friend...James. Chance is his kitten.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, she needs to stop telling people that. He does not have a soft spot for kittens. Well not all of them. “You can call me Bucky.” Why that’s alright, he doesn’t know. “I’m going to continue helping Dave...looks like you got your hands full in here.” He clears his throat and heads back outside.

Dave slides a few more crates and baskettes over towards the tailgate. “That’s everything.” He informs as he hops out of the pickup, dusting his palms off on his thighs.

“Uh...thanks.” Bucky tries to offer what he thinks is a polite smile. “Looks like Chrissy might have given your kids far too much sweets.” He chuckles.

“She tends to do that.” The two men head back inside and the house has become a warzone, well that’s what Bucky would describe it as. 

The boys are playing with Jake in the living room, even the dog is hyper. They are running around the sofa and giggling loudly. Jake’s barking and chasing the kids like he’s a young pup. The little girl is sitting on the floor in the kitchen playing with Chance. Coats, mittens and hats everywhere. This is weird. A normal kind of weird and it has Bucky a bit anxious, but he’s grinning. He can’t seem to recall a moment where something this chaotic was ever a display of joy and warmth.

“You have kids?” He hears Dave ask.

“What? Me?” Bucky’s pointing to his chest, positive the man must be making a mistake. “N-no.”

Dave’s laughing and patting the other man on the back. “Family life, it’s not for everyone.” The Officer sighs and clears his throat. “I bring them here when I can. I know how much Chris appreciates the visit. She would have been a great mom.”

The Soldier tilts his head to the side and chews his lip. Chrissy does seem like the ‘kid’ type. It’s too bad her and Connor never got the chance to have any. “Animals and people. She seems to be good with both.” Bucky snickers knowing Dave understands his meaning. 

“That she is.” Dave claps his hands together. “Alright rugrats, time to head out. School in the morning, you guys need to get to bed soon.”

There’s a resounding ‘awwww’ as the herd of children slowly begin redressing in all of their fall attire. The little girl is trying to put her coat on while clutching the kitten at the same time. Dave is busy helping the boys tie their boots and adjust their hats.

Bucky sighs and bends down on his knees. “What you need kid?” He asks gently. 

“I can’t get my coat on.” She starts hopping on one foot, why does she think this will help?

“You need to put the cat down.” He informs and sees a pout appear on the girl’s face. A toothy grin is all he can offer as he tries not to laugh at her expression.

“Can’t I keep him?” 

Bucky chuckles. “No, but you can play with him any time you visit.” He sees her eyes brighten. She places a loving kiss on Chance’s head and sets him down on the floor carefully.

“Bye kitten.” Patiently the little girl stares up at the man before her.

“What?” Her coat is still wide open and partially hanging onto the floor. “Oh. Right.” Carefully he helps her put on the jacket and zips up her coat. There’s a fluffy purple hat on the floor, that has to be hers. The Soldier places that onto her head. Little boots, mittens and a scarf. Poor kid, he thinks to himself, the only thing he can see now is her eyes and small nose.

Chrissy comes out from the kitchen, a few pies and cookie tins in hand. The woman takes one look at the small child and Bucky, then begins to laugh. The Winter Soldier is sitting in front of a small child, legs crossed, tongue sticking out at the corner of his mouth as he tries to get her small thumb to it’s rightful place in the mitten.

“There.” Satisfied, Bucky rubs his hands on his thighs and stands.

“Thanks.” The child muffles as she makes her way towards her father.

Chrissy hands the boys their treats and kisses each child on the forehead. “I'll see you guys at Halloween. Be good for your parents.” She warns.

“We will. Bye tante!” The kids file out of the home and climb back into the truck.

“Take care Chris. Nice seeing you again James.” Dave hugs Chrissy, shakes Bucky's hand and heads outside. 

“That was...bracing.” Bucky rubs the back of his neck. Five minutes with a kid and he's exhausted.

Chrissy waves goodbye and then begins cleaning the kitchen. When Bucky's finished picking up the living room he heads over to where his friend is.

The place is a disaster. “Holy shit...what did you give them?” He snickers. The milk is out and all over the counter. Cookies, tarts and candies, everywhere, and why is there dog food all over the floor. 

“Apparently too much sugar.” Wiping down the counters, Chrissy's still smiling and humming to herself. She must like this sort of chaos.

“I know if I did something like this, my head would be on a steak outside.” Bucky grabs the broom and starts sweeping.

“They're cute, so it's forgivable.” Chrissy puts away the cookie jars and bags of candy. “You did really well with Zoe.”

“Right…” He scoffs. “You're great with kids...people in general. I don't think I have that kind of patience.”

“I saw you with her, you did just fine.” She pats him on the shoulder. “Kids are honest. If they would have been afraid of you, they would have said something, trust me.” She must be right, because they didn’t even bat an eye at his obvious prosthetic. 

“Connor and I showed up at Dave’s house for Christmas one year, he had grown facial hair. The boys had no problem telling Connor how weird and scary he looked. They were 3 years old at the time. Wow that was...five years ago…” Ouch, that was the Christmas just before Connor died. 

“Time sure does fly.” She trails off as if in mid thought.

Eyes moistening, Chrissy quickly becomes quiet as she continues her task. Obviously the woman's upset. Bucky leans the broom against the wall and comes to stand beside his distraught friend.

“I'm alright.” Chrissy tries to reassure and pushes her bangs aside. The Soldier sighs gently, wraps an arm around her shoulders and places his chin on the top of her head. He knows that there's more behind her words than what she's leading on, but he won't pry or ask. 

It's easy to see that Chrissy would have loved to have a family of her own and that those plans never came to full realization. Why that never happened? He has no idea. All Bucky knows is that she's upset and it pains his heart to see her this way.

The Soldier rubs her arms gently. “I'm sorry.” For the pain that Connor’s death still causes? For the what could have beens? He’s not sure, just feels like the thing to say at a moment like this. That’s progress on his part, right? The woman rests her head against his shoulder. “At least you still have the Avengers...and me.” He reminds with a sad grin.

“You're right. And I'm grateful.”

* * *

The Soldier is helping the crew set up a few support posts. He couldn’t just stand by and watch anymore. Willing and able, why shouldn’t he help? Not like he’s going to black out and kill all these people. Right?

Apparently, they are setting up some sort of massive tent in the field. Tables and chairs are being place, lights are being strung up. Some of the crew are arranging an area for the band to play. The large tent is put up for the weekend as an entertainment area and a spot where everyone can eat and relax. 

Then there are the other tents and a few trailers placed all over the property, everyone and anyone has a place to bunk here. Bucky takes a moment to survey the scene before him, it’s going to be really busy and really loud this weekend.

“It’s a weekend for them to wind down and relax. Whoever wishes to attend.” Chrissy wraps her arm around his and hands the man a bottle of water. “And I don’t have to cook.” This, she’s most excited about, a catering company provided by Tony Stark, his yearly early Christmas gift to her. “It’ll do them all some good. Besides, you’ll get to catch up and hang out with Steve like two normal guys.”

“Normal.” Bucky snickers, does he even know what that is anymore?

“Well, normal for us.” 

The familiar rumble of the Quinjet flying in over the trees is heard in the far off distance. Steve and a couple of the Avengers decided that they would show up a few days early. Gives them all a chance to settle in and relax for a few days before the busy weekend. Chrissy knows that this is something Bucky has been looking forward to, even if he won’t show it. Some quiet time with his long time friend.

After the winds die down and the aircraft’s engines become silent, the ramp descends. Tony and a darkhaired woman are the first to leave the jet. 

“This is Wanda.” The Ironman introduces Chrissy to their newest member. “She wasn’t going to come along. Can you believe that?” Stark grins as he guides the young woman towards the house. “She’s worried about being a danger to the people here.” Tony’s eyes land on Barnes, knowing the Soldier understands his train of thought. “Ridiculous. People going berserk or being a liability... I keep telling her that’s what we specialize in.”

“Hi Wanda. I’m Chrissy. I'm so glad that you decided to come.” Chrissy shakes the other woman’s hand and can see that she seems very quiet, shy and mostly reclusive. “And this is James.” 

The Soldier nods in the Witch’s direction. “Bucky’s fine.” He shrugs, cautious and well aware of the fact that this woman has the power to play with people’s brains. That puts him a bit on edge, it’s judgemental, Bucky knows it, but he can’t help but feel a bit skittish. 

Tony makes his way to Chrissy’s side as they walk up towards the house. “So Vision doesn’t sleep...at least I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. Whatever, weird...I know. Nat’s staying in Clint’s room...” Stark clears his throat when he notices Chrissy give him a side glance. “Don’t go there, we all saw that coming... took long enough. Cap has his own room and well…” Tony glances over his shoulder, eyes landing on the Scarlet Witch.

“Oh…” Wanda, where is Chrissy going to put her? She’s always had more than enough room in her home, this is the first time she’s finding that free space is scarce. Tony’s trying to quietly point out that it’s probably not the best idea to have the woman off and alone in a strange place just yet. She is after all, still learning to fully control and understand her abilities.

“She can take my room.” Bucky offers from behind them with a shrug of his shoulders. It’s only for the weekend and he’s slept in the living room before. “It’s in the house and she’d be around familiar faces.” That’s important, he knows this from experience. 

“Yeah, that works.” Chrissy smiles back at him. Thoughtful as usual, he really doesn’t give himself enough credit. “Just put a few of your things in my room.” Tony rolls his eyes and then he and Chrissy continue their conversation as they head into the home.

Well that was, different. Why should this cause him to feel strange? Or warm in the face? Bucky has slept in her room tons of times, and everyone knows that. But it’s not like they’ve talked about it much before, out loud, in front of people. Maybe that’s why his insides feel odd? Or maybe it’s the assumptions he knows that’s probably crossing all of their minds? Either way, he begins chewing at his bottom lip. 

“That’s very generous of you...but really…” A familiar accent from this young woman. “I’m fine...I can...”

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky holds the front door open for her. “I’ve slept with Chrissy lots of times.” Oh boy, that came out extremely wrong. Eyes widen as Bucky realizes what he has just implied. “I mean in her room...or the same bed...so she was there. B-but not like that...” The Soldier exhales hard enough that his bangs move with the force of his breath.

He was only trying to make the woman feel more at home and safe. The uneasiness and out of place feelings she must have, he’s all too familiar with. Guaranteed he has just painted the wrong picture for her. This woman must think that he’s some kind of lecher now. Great. Bucky sighs and drops his shoulders, foot-in-mouth much today there Barnes.

Wanda tries to hide her amusement by clamping her lips together. Noticing a slight blush creep across the Soldier’s face, she decides to return the favor by changing the subject. “How long have you been here?”

Oh what a nice woman to look past that. “Uh...Since early Summer.” Entering the home, he removes his shoes. “Chrissy will murder you if you wear shoes or hats in the house. No joke.” He scoffs. 

Nodding, Wanda removes her boots and follows the man into the kitchen. “Make yourself at home, because that’s what she’s going to tell you to do. Browse around the house and property if you want, but before you do...Chrissy will have to set you up with the local A.I. I’m going to get a few things from my room and then it’s all yours. Oh and it’s up the stairs. Second door on the left. Steve’s room is right across the hall and Barton’s not too far away.” He sees her visibly relax. Having people she knows nearby is calming.

“You’re safe and welcomed here.” Everything that she’s feeling right now, all the doubts and fears. He can understand. Afterall, Bucky was in her shoes just a few months ago. “Chrissy made cookies and tarts the other day. In the pantry. Help yourself.” He points over his shoulder with his thumb. 

“Thank you…” A shaky nervous smile. The Soldier heads upstairs.

* * *

“This is weird.” Bucky's sitting at the end of the bed, hands grasping the mattress while his eyes stare at his bare feet. Chance is attacking an invisible enemy in the bedding.

“What? Why?” Chrissy giggles as she leaves the door open ajar. “We've slept in the same bed a bunch of times. And this was your idea by the way.” She takes a seat next to him, crosses her legs and shakes her hair free of the loose braid.

He's chewing his bottom lip again. “I was going to stay downstairs. You’re the one that told me to stay up here. And this is different. All of the other times…” The circumstances were different. There was a reason, a need to have that other person near. Now, it's for convenience and he can't help but feel a shift in the air. “This must give off the wrong impression...”

Chrissy rolls her eyes. Since when does he care about appearances? “Tell you what. I'll make sure to stay on my side. Will that help?” She understands his point, but it's kind of late to really do anything about it. “And if you're still weirded out by it, then you can sleep downstairs or on the floor or whatever...”

He nods and remains at the end of the bed while she climbs under the bedding and says her Goodnights to Jake. 

“Come on. You know I don’t bite.” She's talking to him, the Soldier sighs. As promised Chrissy remains on her side. Just a few weeks ago he was worried that she wouldn't want to spend quality time with him as he got better. Now he's a bit anxious about sharing a bed with her. What the hell Barnes? He really needs to figure out what's going on with himself lately. 

The lamp is turned off and within minutes he can hear her long deep inhales, sleep seems to come to Chrissy much easier these days. That’s good. 

The house is quiet, even with Tony being here and that's odd. Stark, that man has to be furious with this current arrangement. Knowing that he's probably causing that man at least a bit of aggravation, for some reason causes Bucky to grin.

Exhausted from the long day, but he can't seem to fall asleep. Sighing, the Soldier rolls onto his back, Chance bounds and attacks his forearm. “You sure are hyper at night.” The kitten attempts to sink it's teeth into his metal hand playfully. “Yeah, yeah. You're a ferocious lion.”

OK. This space between them, it's way more awkward than him being here without a specific reason. Annoyed with himself and grunting a curse under his breath, the Soldier slides his frame closer to the woman. Draping his right arm over her midsection, Bucky berates himself internally. Alright, now he's relaxed and sleepy. Eyes heavy, muscles losing their tension, he allows himself to settle in for the night.

Then he notices the strangest thing. How at ease and comfortable he feels. This doesn't feel wrong or awkward. Normal. Peaceful. 

When Chrissy shifts, her shirt moves and his forearm grazes the bare skin of her abdomen. Alright, that awkward feeling is back. For Christ-sakes.

Dragging his arm away, careful not to wake her... Wait, what's that? Fingers graze across something, a scar maybe? Delicately and innocently, his thumb traces the smooth line as he tries to mentally visualize what the tissue there might look like, or how it might have been formed. Hip, all the way up to her lower ribs. Concern knits at the Soldier’s brow, his knowledge of anatomy informing him of grim details. This scar was caused by a serious injury, one that probably should have killed her. Surprised, the Soldier’s eyes widen when Chrissy grasps his hand. Quickly he pulls his hand out from under her shirt.

“I wasn't…” Great. The word lecher is at the forefront of his mind again. “I was just...and you moved, then your shirt...you've never mentioned…” Great wording Barnes, that made perfect sense. What’s with the word salad these last few hours?

The woman tugs his arm up over the comforter while entwining her fingers between his. “It’s alright. Just a scar, from the car accident. Large piece of metal was lodged into my stomach.” He feels her squirm a bit closer to his body. Her voice is heavy with sleep. “Was kind of impaled.” She snickers. 

Thankful that she’s not angry, Bucky clears his throat. “That's not funny.” A low tone. That scar, the wound it caused, it must have been life threatening. Nothing humorous about that.

“No, it's not. But what is funny, is the way things work out sometimes.” Again with the cryptic speak. The Soldier exhales deeply when the woman in his arms turns around to rest the side of her face against his chest. “I guess you decided not to sleep on the couch.”

“You’re warm.” He copies her statement from weeks ago. Finally, Bucky’s starting to nod off again.

The sound of small sniffles as Chrissy relaxes against Bucky is what forces him to open his eyes once more. Wait. Is she... crying? Uhmmm ok. What should he do? Why is she distressed? Did he do or say something to offend or upset her? Migraines maybe? She’s still sniffling. This is weird. Chrissy doesn’t cry, well not like this. Tear up maybe, but weep? No. At least not since he’s been staying here. 

“Chrissy? Hey, what’s wrong?” Maybe the memory of the accident is too much. Bucky rubs her back as he tries to get a look at her face that she continues to conceal against him. She’s not someone who gets upset often or easily, so she’s trying to hide it. “You know...it works both ways right? We're friends. If you're upset…or if something’s wrong...” God, doesn't she know he'd be here for her as well? What should he say or do? 

Blue eyes search the darkened room as if it holds the answers to his current dilemma. Hands grip at his shirt tighter as the woman presses her face against him and weeps quietly. Shoulders shake as the silent sobs vibrate throughout her body. “Sorry...sorry. Just...don’t leave, please. Ok?”

She’s asking for his comfort and company? Not a problem, it’s also not something that happens often, if ever. Though she never shies from giving affection or receiving it, this is not something she usually requests. Bucky knows that Chrissy enjoys his companionship and that she trusts him, but for her to display this type of sorrow, and practically beg him to stay by her side has him a bit unnerved. Maybe even a tiny bit scarred. 

Chrissy's the rock of stability here. She’s the one that’s suppose to know how to deal with this type of stuff. When was the last time he was in a position where he was the one that had to be someone’s anchor. Chrissy’s relying on him, and maybe that’s making Bucky feel important. A purpose other than just existing. A mission of sorts, he’s good at that type of thing. Was built for it.

“Hey, it’s ok...I'm not going anywhere.” Bucky whispers, trying to reassure his friend. “I got you.” Just like every instance where she’s had to comfort him, the Soldier remains supportive. Even if he doesn’t understand the situation, he’ll do his best to help. And hopefully that’s what he’s doing. Mimicking the things that Chrissy’s done for him in the past the best that he can.

Maybe Chrissy needs someone to talk to. Someone who knows more about that time in her life. “Want me to go get Tony?” He offers. The woman doesn't answer, the quakes continue their silent assault throughout her small form. Not knowing what else to do, Bucky kisses the top of Chrissy’s head, pulls her closer and allows her to cry against him until she falls asleep. 

What the hell was that about? Well, he has an idea, but there’s something she’s failed to mention, of that he's positive.

This Soldier is no stranger to wanting to keep certain things buried or hidden. Locked up and forgotten. But for her to suppress something, is abnormal. And it’s freaking him out a little. Considering that this woman is usually an open book, it has to be fairly painful and traumatic for her to be able to recount out loud. Smoothing Chrissy’s hair back from her face, Bucky sighs.

* * *

It's early when he wakes, the sun hasn't even begun to rise yet. Sweating, sitting and breathing heavy. Jake’s bumping Bucky’s hand with his snout, looks like the canine is starting to form some sort of intuition in regards to distress. A shaky breath leaves him in a long drawn out exhale. 

Surveying the room, the Soldier notices Chrissy’s absence. The mattress beside him is cold, she must have been gone for a while. Alarmed, the Soldier gets out of bed. Listening attentively he hears nothing but the calm breathing of the people in the home. There's no noise in the bathroom or the kitchen. Bucky concludes that Vision must be roaming around outside somewhere.

He slips on a sweatshirt and leaves the room. Once downstairs, he spots Chrissy sitting outside on the deck wrapped in a large blanket. After a few minutes, the Soldier steps outside, a hot cup of tea in hand.

“Here.” He offers with a thin smile and a curt nod.

Chrissy takes the beverage, looking up at him through red, swollen eyes. Taking a seat beside his friend, Bucky wraps an arm around her upper body and tugs the woman close to his side, in an attempt to keep her warm.

“Thanks.” She sips at the herbal tea and rests against his solid frame. “I'm sorry, you must be wondering what's going on with this basket case.” She laughs and wipes her eyes.

Bucky only continues to look out over the lake. 

“His... birthday is in two weeks. Well...would have been really...” Chrissy sighs knowing she doesn’t need to explain. “Has me a bit...Well, you know...”

He understands what she means to a degree, but he can’t comprehend it. How could he? Besides, that's not the entirety of the situation and Bucky knows it. “That can't be everything.”

“You're far too observant.” Chrissy settles for staring at the scenery as well. “That Christmas I told you about before, when we went to Daves...I told Connor that he was going to be a dad.” A warm smile tugs at her lips as she thinks back on the loving memory, Connor had been so pleased and excited when he had opened her gift to him. A tiny little jacket to match the one he always wore.

Blinking a few times, Bucky stares down at his friend. Impaled, that had been her word of choice. Oh God. She lost everything the night of the collision. What can anyone say to make something like this better? Nothing. But she has his friendship, support and confidence.

“You don't have to say anything.” She can feel his eyes on her and his uneasiness. “Very few people know. Only the people I care about do.” A weary smile that tells him he’s trusted.

The muscles in his arm flex around her. “I'd say...sorry, but that sounds like something everyone probably says. I'm not the best with words.” He scoffs. “But I care...and I hope you know that.”

“I know. And thanks.”

“Come on. Let's get inside and back to bed. You're tired and cold.” Agreeing, Chrissy nods and follows him back into the home.

* * *

Too many people. Way too many. And the weekend hasn’t even begun yet. The Soldier exhales and leans against the kitchen wall, it’s all a bit overwhelming, but he should be able to handle it. The house is full of life, it’s almost suffocating, but it’s nice.

Noticing his friend’s distant stare, Steve grasps the other man by the shoulder. “You doing alright?”

Bucky nods. “Yeah, it’s just really busy. I’m just trying to stay out of the way.” A side grin, he feels out of place. 

“Why don’t you show me what you’ve been doing around the property.” Steve suggests.

Thankful for the distraction, Bucky leads the other man to different spots on the property. Showing his friend where he cuts lumber, or his new favorite spot for sighting his riffles.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. Has SHIELD found out any more intel on where Hydra might be keeping that...thing.” Death ray just sounds too absurd. “Or is this something you’ve been avoiding telling me because you don’t think I’m ready to go back out into the field?” Bucky shifts his weight to his other leg. He knows he’s a liability and he doesn’t blame Steve for not wanting him to be out on any missions right now. 

“Nothing yet. Nat’s been looking into it. Every time we think we’ve found something...it ends up being a dead end. Actually, I’m glad you brought this up, because I was going to ask if you had any ideas on where we should look next.”

Bucky rubs his jaw and shrugs his shoulders. “Not that I can remember...I can go over my notes and SHIELD’s files. Maybe it’ll trigger something buried in my head.”

“Thanks. I’d appreciate it.” Steve rubs his cold hands together. “If I asked, would you tag along on the next mission?”

Sporting a toothy grin, Bucky nods. “If _you_ asked.” Clearing his throat the Soldier becomes serious. “It’s going to get more dangerous the more I go…”

“You’re safe here. You know that right?” Steve tries to reassure. “They won't be able to find you here.” He’s talking about Hydra and Bucky knows it.

Chewing his bottom lip, Bucky stares over the fence line of the property. “You never could lie.” The Soldier shakes his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips. 

Steve returns the grin. “Even if they could…”

“You say that as though you're convinced that they don't already know.” Bucky brings his attention back to his long time friend. “If they don't already...they will soon.”

“Alright. Fair enough. But Charlotte…” Steve tries to counter.

“Won't be enough.” Bucky snickers. “She’s advanced and Stark’s constantly upgrading her systems...but it’s not enough and I have a feeling you know that. Even before you sent me here. You knew that.”

“Then why haven't you disappeared? Honestly, I'm surprised you've stayed as long as you have.” The other man snickers and pockets his hands in his plaid jacket. “Don't get me wrong I'm glad that you've decided to stick around...but still it has me wondering why you haven't taken off.”

“A few reasons…” He can see Steve cross his arms and wait for an answer. Bucky drops his shoulders with a large exhale. “I'm tired, alright...of running, of trying to piece everything back together. If they want me that bad they'll find me, regardless of where I am.” 

Rogers is still standing there, his expression calm and caring. He knows that there's more to it then that.

“And now...there's more they can take away. I never thought that would be possible.” His brow tightens with sadness and stress. Finally he has some semblance of a life and he knows that they will try to rip it out of his grasp. “You...Chrissy...and a purpose other than blindly following their orders. They'd take me apart bit by bit and strip it all away again. And you'd both be caught in the crossfire...I can't...won't let that happen. They've taken enough. I've done enough.”

“So you're not going anywhere.” This is a statement more than a question. Steve knows it's his friend’s way of saying he won't take off for fear of leaving the ones he cares about exposed and vulnerable, but he's not going to be making his way to New York with Steve anytime soon either.

“If I do...they'll use Chrissy or you as a way to get to me. If I stay and they come...at least I'd have a chance at trying to defend what I...” He can't finish, the grim thoughts in his mind to horrible to put into words.

“So, if they do know you're here. Why haven't they tried anything yet?”

“They have no use for me...yet. But I also keep showing up through their doors unannounced. I'm not exactly making it hard for them.” Bucky scoffs. “But I got tired of waiting for them to make the first move. I don't know, maybe they'll never have a use for me again. But guaranteed they are keeping tabs. I wouldn't be surprised if some one in SHIELD was giving them insight and reporting weekly with updates. They might want to see how I do without their leash. Another experiment...another way to keep me at arm's length just incase.”

“You think they want you to live under the assumption that you've gone off their radar?”

“Why not? Best way to catch your target is when their guard is down. When they become comfortable with the illusion of safety and stability.” Bucky grins mischievously. “Jokes on them. I'm always prepared...always aware and guarded.”

“What about Chris? Have you mentioned this to her?”

“Don't have to. I'm sure she figured that out the day she let me into her home. I remember thinking she was nuts, to know what I am, what I can do and what follows me...and to offer...crazy stubborn woman.” Bucky clears the lump in his throat. “The original plan was to stay here for a bit and move on.”

Steve grins and grasps his friend's shoulder, knowing full well why Bucky never left. “Well I'm glad you decided to stay. I feel better knowing you're watching out for her.”

“You do know that she can take care of herself if it came down to it, right?” Bucky scoffs, but he's serious. As much as he worries when goes out on missions, he knows that Chrissy's more than capable of holding her ground.

“I meant with her recent head injury.” Steve pats Bucky on the back. Wanting to change the subject, Rogers pockets his hands and smirks. “So did you ever end up talking to her about…” He lifts a brow in Bucky's direction. 

“What? You're joking right? N-no.” Shaking his head in disbelief, Bucky starts to walk down the pathway. 

“Buck, I'm joking.” The Captain laughs. 

Grunting in frustration the Soldier continues his slow pace down the trail. “Punk.”

“Jerk.” Steve catches up and is grinning for ear to ear. Smug idiot. “But seriously, I've seen the way she looks at you…”

“Stop.” Bucky’s voice is shaky and just above a whisper, but there's a hint of warning behind that one word as he plants his feet firmly in place. “Just...don’t. I know what you're trying to do. You think you're helping. I-I...thanks. But just, stop.”

“Buck, come on man.” Even Steve doesn't know what kind of defence that sentence is.

“I know...everything you'd try to point out and explain. I haven’t exactly displayed much... affection these past 70 years. But I know what it is.” A breath of frustration leaves his throat. “I’m able to spot it. And ignore it.” The Soldier grunts out. “She'd get hurt, or worse in the end. I don't want that for her. It's easier to tell myself that it's just in her nature to be caring and forgiving. And that’s true. She’s my friend, I tell myself. Her concern and feelings are platonic. But it's hard to keep lying to myself if I have you standing there telling me otherwise. Instilling hope where it doesn't belong. So leave it alone.” Bucky points a metallic finger in the center of Steve’s chest.

The Captain brushes his friend’s hand aside. “I get it.” It's bugging Rogers that Bucky won't even try to listen to reason. But this is his life, Bucky finally gets to make choices of his own for once and Steve’s not about to force him into something he doesn't want to do. Even if he is being a stubborn jackass about it. The Captain is starting to see this isn't a discussion about worth, it's not that this man doesn't believe he's not good enough, he's just afraid. Of hurting anyone, in anyway, ever again.

* * *

Wanda’s rolling out pie dough with a rolling pin. Humming softly to herself as she continues her task. A large happy grin across her face. This is the first time in awhile that she's been able to do something domestic and have it feel relaxing.

“This is nice. Thank you.” The Witch lines a few pie tins with the pastry and wipes her hands on a towel. 

“Anytime you ever feel like baking or cooking, just go right ahead.” Chrissy winks as she takes a drink of her tea. “It's nice to have more women in the house. Nat doesn't visit as often as she would like to, so it's usually me and a bunch of guys.” Chrissy laughs. 

“I know the feeling.” Wanda begins to fill the pies with different assortments. Some with apple and some with strawberry and rhubarb. “Can I ask you something...personal?”

“Sure.” 

“Are you and James…” The witch lifts a brow and she can't bring herself to call the man by his nickname, first name basis has always seemed more proper in her books. “An item?”

Chrissy all but chokes on her hot beverage. In all reality, she had been expecting someone to ask that at some point. Their on and off sleeping arrangements and their closeness can give off the wrong impression. Wiping her mouth and chin, she laughs. “No. Nothing like that.”

The Scarlet Witch still has a brow lifted in her new friends direction.

“I know what it must look like, but it's nothing like that. I swear.” Chrissy can see the other woman trying to suppress a smile by clamping her lips together. “He stayed in my room a few times after I got hurt. Refused to leave my side or sleep for that matter. So I made a compromise. He could stay but he had to take care of himself as well. Then there were times I'd hear him waking and screaming in terror down the hall. As a form of comfort I'd stay with him, it seemed to and still does help. I've never seen such horror in someone's eyes as I do in his when he wakes in that state. So it really hasn't been a secret that that's something we do. But it's nothing like what some assume.”

“So you rely on each other?” The other woman seems to understand and nods. “I...my brother…” Wanda clears her throat. “We had a close bond. I can understand. I use to have night terrors, still do actually...we lost our parents when we were young. Pietro always knew what to say.”

Chrissy reaches across the counter and grasps the other woman's hand. “I'm sorry Wanda.”

“Thank you.” Wanda pushes her hair back and smiles sadly. “I lost my brother, but I've gained a family.”

“That's a lovely way to look at it. We may be a bit dysfunctional, but I swear it’s full of love.”

“I'm sorry if my questioning made you feel uncomfortable.” Wanda licks her lips feeling a ashamed for assuming such things.

Chrissy goes back to drinking her tea. “No you didn't make me uncomfortable. I just forgot what it might look like and was surprised by your question, that's all.”

Wanda doesn't need any special kind of powers to know how that man feels about this woman. But if it's something he's keeping to himself, then it's for a reason and she’s not about to spill his private thoughts. “Tony has been studying my powers...mapping them out he tells me. Like I’m suppose to understand what that means.” They young woman scoffs. “All in hopes to find a way to help James. He says that the way I affect people's minds might be the key to undoing whatever it is they did to him. He's been working on it non stop.”

“Really?” Chrissy’s shocked. 

“He does care.” Wanda smiles warmly. “And wants to help anyone he can. Sometimes he just goes about it the wrong way.”

“I couldn't agree more.”

Covering the pies with a criss cross pattern, Wanda smiles warmly, still enjoying her day with Chrissy. “I want to help.” She admits. “Steve told me about his friend and of some of the things he had to endure. Some of the things he did. I know what it’s like to be forced against your will. To be made into something and not have a say in the matter.”

“Thank you.” Chrissy is touched by this woman’s warmth. Wanda barely knows Bucky, but still she wants to help him. “That’s very kind.”

* * *

Tony’s studying everyone. Laughter, smiles and people dancing as the band continues to play music. Glancing over his shoulder he can see a few people standing around a large fire. Clint and Scott are in some kind of deep conversation at the nearby table, while Steve appears to be explaining something to Vision as he points over the lake. Stark’s sights then land on Barnes, the man is leaning back in a chair opposite of Steve. He seems to be staring off into the distance out through the opening of the tent.

Tony’s eyes follow the trajectory of the Soldier’s gaze, he’s not surprised to see Chrissy. She’s sitting on the dock with Wanda and Nat. The three women are laughing and sipping on some wine. The Ironman sighs, and starts to turn a pen between his fingers. Focus on that. When his gaze drifts back to Barnes, he’s greeted with the other man staring right back at him. Clearing his throat, Stark shifts under the watchful glare and nods in Bucky’s direction. 

Right. Tony drops his attention back to the pen in his hand and starts doodling on a napkin. A chair at the table he’s sitting at is pulled out. “Tony.” Steve acknowledges the other man and takes a seat at the same table. “How you holding up?”

Sucking in a bit of air between his teeth and pushing his drink aside, the Iron man leans back in his chair. “Me? Fine. Why would I be anything else?” A large smirk on his face as he tosses an olive into his mouth. 

Tony’s keeping a careful watch over Barnes as he heads for the dock. Wanda and Nat remain where they are seated. He sees the Witch and Widow shake their heads, as if declining something. Chrissy loops her arm around Barnes’s metallic one and they begin to walk along the shores of the lake.

“Come on. I know you.” Steve rests his elbows on the table and follows the Iron man’s gaze. Bringing his attention back to his friend, Rogers raises a brow.

“What?” Tony rolls his eyes. “You’ve got to be able to tell now. Even you, with as little experience as you have in that field, should be able to pick up on that.” Tony waves his hand in Chrissy and Bucky’s direction. 

“Yeah well I’m 95, not dead.” Steve shakes his head and smirks. “What’s your problem with it... if there is something there, going on….what’s the big deal?” He clears his throat, a self reminder of what his friend divulged to him over a private conversation a few weeks ago.

“It’s unhealthy.” A flat statement. 

“Come on man. Is that all you have? A child’s argument?” Steve’s shaking his head. A grin tugging at the corner of his mouth that is aggravating Stark to no end.

“You’re missing the point.” Tony downs the rest of his drink. “He’s dangerous, unstable...Even he acknowledges that. He killed people. And not just a few...”

“So have we.” Steve’s running out of patience. “Are you saying that we don’t deserve some kind of life? Or solace?”

“That’s different and you know it.” Stark mutters.

“How Tony? He was forced...to do those things. Convinced that his loyalties has always been with them. Brainwashed into believing that all of the chaos and death that he inflicted had a greater purpose. A means to an end in a perfect society. We chose to do the things we’ve done. And people died.”

“Yeah, well at least I know we don’t have a switch in our heads waiting to be flipped. That’s where Barnes is different. He’s an alright guy, most of the time. But it’s the other times...when he’s not, that’s what has me concerned for her safety.” Tony clears his throat. “Connor was a soldier and a good man...but when he died, Chrissy promised to distance herself from guys like that. Soldiers.” Tony takes in a deep breath. “Isn’t it enough that she suffered through his death?”

“Chrissy can do whatever she wants. She’s a grown woman.” 

“Are you sure you’re not just ok with...this...because if they end up being sweet hearts, means your buddy will probably stick around?” Tony’s heading down a dangerous path. “What will it cost in the end? Hmm? Did you think about that? Why’s Connor really dead Steve…”

Rogers crosses his arms and brings his attention to the people dancing and laughing not far from them. “It’s their line of work. They knew what they were getting into. She still understands the risks. Just like Connor did back then.”

“Yeah, but with Barnes...the reasons for her to end up dead just happen to be that much higher now.” The Ironman runs a hand over his jaw, anxious.

“You’re wrong.” 

“And you’re blind.” Stark spits out angered. “He’s not the guy you knew Steve. He carries his face, parts of his memories, but that’s it. You need to wake up.”

“You’re way out of line.” Steve’s tone is warning, serious. “You think I don’t realize these things? It doesn’t matter, because if our roles were reversed, he’d do the same for me. And it’s not our decision to make. Leave it alone.”

“If she ends up dead because of him, it’s on your head. Try and live with that after. Trust me, it’s not an easy thing to live with.” Tony pushes away from the table and buttons up his blazer. His eyes land on Wanda, her twin brother is dead and it’s his fault. That wound is still fresh, still deep. Maybe that’s what’s got him in a sour mood. Himself. Not Barnes.

Steve shakes his head sadly. “When Buck fell…I know Tony...I did live with it. Have lived with it. Still dealing.” The Captain stares at his feet, hands rubs together, his mood now solemn. 

Tony pats his friend on the back. “I know.” Stark sighs. His concern is for his friends, his family. Sometimes it all just gets the better of him. “I’m gonna check on Wanda, she owes me a dance.” Tony squeezes the other man’s shoulder. “We may have our disagreements Rogers, but we always want the same thing in the end.” 

“Yeah.” Steve snickers.

* * *

The waters of the lake are so calm. Fall weather is nice, chilly, but better than scorching hot. Chrissy has her arm wrapped around the Soldier’s as she walks by his side. “Feels later than what it is.” Bucky nods. “How you holding up with everything?” He must feel a little off of sorts, wanting to get away from the noise for a bit, she can tell by his demeanor that he’s a little stressed.

Clearing his throat he shrugs his shoulders. “Alright I guess. Having Steve here seems to help.”

Chrissy smiles. “That's a given.” Tugging her sweater in closer she looks up to judge his reaction. “Are you finding this all too much?” She gestures towards the tent with her chin.

Sucking some air through his teeth Bucky inhales lightly. “Yes and no. It’s good to get away, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I’m good to head back.” 

“You sure?” Chrissy waits, and after a few seconds the Soldier nods. 

 

Bucky pulls out a chair for Chrissy beside Steve and is pleased to see the Captain smile at them warmly. As soon as the Soldier sits down, Clint passes him a beer. 

“Look.” Hawkeye points towards Tony and Wanda sharing a slow dance. She’s sporting a large smile trying not to laugh too loudly, he must be telling some off color jokes to make her feel at ease. “Looks like she’s having a good time. Thanks Chris. She needed this...more than she realized.”

“I’m glad she’s feeling more at home now. You should take her around the property by horse back tomorrow. I bet she’d love that.” 

Clint nods and points at her over his beer. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Has anyone showed Vision how to dance yet?” Chrissy raises a brow in the Androids direction. Too focused on watching the Scarlet Witch, he only now seems to be catching on to what Chrissy’s suggesting.

After a few hours, Chrissy is tired. Correction, exhausted. She had a lengthy soft hearted talk with Tony over a dance. He seems, different now. She’s not too sure why. They’ve all tried to teach Vision how to play Texas Horseshoes, they’re pretty sure he understands the concept, but not the point. Chrissy did show Vision the basics of slow dancing, he seems to be getting it now.   
He also seems more at ease as he slowly dances with Wanda, making sure to be careful and not do anything to accidentally harm her.

Now, Chrissy’s drained. The music will play until the band decides to call it a night, but she’s beat, these people can all take care of themselves she reminds herself. This is after all, for all of them. Her eyes roam over the people on her property. Seeing Bucky sitting next to Steve as they laugh together causes her to smile. Right, one more thing then she’s off to bed.

“I’m borrowing him for a few minutes.” Chrissy informs Steve as she gently guides the other Soldier towards the middle of the tent.

Smiling down at his friend, Bucky grasps her tiny hand and presses a palm at the small of her back. “You’re tired. Again.”

“I am.” Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, the two begin to follow the soft rhythm of the music. “I’ll go to bed after this dance, deal?” Her way of checking in with him discreetly before she gets some rest. “Are you good out here with Steve and Clint?”

“Sure. Someone has to keep an eye on them.” Even he finds it a bit funny that he remembers how to do this. Not like it’s very complicated to begin with, but it’s not like he has had much practice over the last few decades. When’s the last time he just slow danced with anyone?

There’s a flash of pain in his temple as his brain tries a little too hard to recall any memories similar to this occasion. He must of showed some sign of distress, because they’re standing still and Chrissy’s holding the sides of his face in her hands. “Hey. It’s alright. Breathe.”

Pressing his metallic palm to his temple he lets out a long breath. “I’m good.” He shakes it off and takes her hand once more.

“You sure...because we can…” Chrissy glances over her shoulder towards the house.

“Nope. I’m fine.” He smiles down at her and they continue with their dance. Yeah, like he was going to let something like that ruin a new memory like this for him.

Chrissy says her goodnights to everyone of her friends and heads back towards the home. Bucky’s by her side, arm draped over her shoulders. “I’ll head back out in a few minutes. Told Steve I was walking you back...gives me a reason to leave for a little bit.” He snickers as they continue to walk. 

“If you’re tired...or you just don’t feel up to staying out, you don’t have to.” She reminds, trying to make sure he doesn’t feel pressured into doing anything.

Sure spending time with Steve is nice, but he still has this overbearing feeling of uneasiness. All these people, his trust boundaries aren’t that flexible. He needs to keep watch, and Bucky’s pretty certain that Chrissy has caught on to this. “I’m good. Promise.” 

“Thanks for the dance by the way. That was nice.” Chrissy wraps an arm around his waist and yawns.

Bucky scoffs and shakes his head. “Don’t make it a habit.” He hears her laugh. “I have a reputation of being a hard ass to keep up. Honestly, I’m surprised I even remembered what to do.”

“See, it was good for you.” Chrissy climbs the stairs of the porch and heads into the home. “Are you hungry?” The amount of food that has been served all day, is she serious? The Soldier raises a brow in her direction. “Sorry, I’m so use to offering food all the time.” Again she yawns.

“You need some rest. Go to bed. I’m going to check on the animals and then I’m heading back.” He informs as he ushers her towards the living room. 

“Alright, but remember, you need rest as well. And if you need anything you know where to find me.” Chrissy hugs the Soldier tightly. As she’s about to place a kiss on his cheek, Bucky turns to head outside. Chrissy misses and gets the side of his mouth. Laughing tiredly, she attempts to wipe the shiny lip gloss from his lips with her thumb gently. “Sorry.” She’s still chuckling. And it’s hard not to laugh louder when she sees him grimace, probably over the fact that he now has flavored lip balm being smeared over his lips. “Not sure cocoa butter is your thing.” She’s still giggling.

A blush is making it’s way up his neck. Oh whoops, she embarrassed him. He grasps the hand by his face gently. “See, you’re losing it.” The Soldier rolls his eyes and licks his lips. Oh that’s weird, there’s a familiar taste at the tip of his tongue now. God hopefully this crap isn’t pigmented or something. “Get some sleep.” The way Bucky looks back at her while his thumb rubs the back of her hand, causes Chrissy to clear her throat and advert her eyes. 

“Sorry.” She presses her lips together, hiding her amusement.

“Would you stop saying that. Sleep. I’m serious.” He laughs and leaves the house. Chrissy’s eyes quickly glance in the direction of his retreating form as he shuts the door quietly behind him.

* * *

The Soldier sits up briskly. A golden retriever is winning gently while licking its chops. The animal rests its head on the man’s thigh and looks up at him with large eyes. Where is he? The Soldier tries to calm the pounding of his heart. Blue eyes quickly survey his surroundings. 

Familiar. 

A woman he doesn’t recognize is curled up and sleeping beside him. Why is she there? Did they…? Running a hand through his hair, he begins to remember. It’s just Chrissy. Bucky takes a deep breath and notices snow falling outside the windows. It’s night, maybe early morning. Feeling nauseous, he quickly and soundlessly makes his way to the bathroom and begins his ritual of vomiting. Muscles tense and skin soaked with sweat he decides to take a shower.

“Bucky?” A soft knock at the door before the woman enters the bathroom. “Hey, I noticed you weren’t in bed a while ago. Are you alright? You’ve been in here a long time.” 

That can’t be right, he’s certain he’d just stepped into the hot water. Wait, the water isn’t hot, it’s freezing. The man’s form trembles. Chrissy doesn’t move the shower doors, but he can see her silhouette just beyond the mosaic glass. 

Bucky wants to answer and say that he’s alright, but nothing leaves his lips. The Soldier rests his forehead and forearms against the tile and allows the cold spray to continue its way down over his frame. The squeaking of the water being turned off is what catches his ear. But he doesn’t move and doesn’t open his eyes.

“Bucky.” When he finally turns, his sights land on the woman who’s holding up a towel spread open. Chrissy’s eyes are shut tight and her face is turned away. “The water’s freezing, sweety. You need to get dried off and warmed up.”

Shivering, he takes the towel with shaking hands and wraps it around his waist. “Thanks.”

It’s humiliating that he has to rely on this small woman to help him back towards the bed. His arm draped over her shoulder as she cautiously helps him. “I’ll get you another towel and your clothes.” Chrissy hands him the items and informs him that she’ll tidy up the bathroom while he changes.

Chilled to the bone, the Soldier sits at the end of her bed. Bent over and hugging himself close, he continues to shiver. When Chrissy returns, Bucky can literally feel the heat radiating from her. “I’m f-freezing.”

“I know.” Chrissy pulls back the covers and climbs into bed. “Come on. Let's get you warmed up.” She sees him nod and then clumsily make his way under the bedding. “Did you have another nightmare or memory?” The Soldier pulls her close and rest his face against her chest. 

“Of s-sorts. Y-yeah.” Oh God, she’s so warm. He’s still shivering. Chrissy pulls the blankets up to his shoulders and rubs his back.

“Want me to go stock the wood-stove?”

“N-no. Just s-stay here...like this.” He’s warming up, slowly. “S-sorry…” His teeth chatter and he's unable to finish his train of thought.

“For? Don't worry about it. Get warm.” Chrissy cradles the freezing man against her, wrapping her arms around him securely. 

“T-thanks.” He whispers. In return she places a warm kiss on his forehead. The Soldier smiles and allows his eyes to shut. 

When her breathing and heart beat take on a slow sleepy rhythm, Bucky knows she's fallen back asleep. Maybe if he listens to the slow constant drum beneath him he'll soon follow. Thumb rubbing her ribcage, he knows that won't happen. Finally warm, he gives up trying to sleep and turns quietly onto his other side.

A small hand snakes under his arm and over his chest. For some reason, this causes him to smile again. “Can't sleep?”

“Trying.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about.” He feels Chrissy pull close and rest the side of her face between his shoulder blades. She's still warm.

“Alright. Well I'm right here if you change your mind.” Hand gently resting above his heart. His metallic thumb rubbing her flesh gently once more. Bucky's enjoying the way she clings to him in her sleep. Staring at the snow as it continues to fall outside, he exhales gently. 

God he hates the cold and it’s only going to get worse.

* * *

Steve’s sitting at the dining table. Forehead resting against his palm as he slowly and carefully reads through the SHIELD files, again. Once the weekend was over, Steve thought it would be best if the some of the team hung out on the farm and went over everything once more. Bucky’s going over his notes, Clint’s going over the information that Nat found, Tony and Vision are doing their own research using Stark’s data base.

“Too bad Nat couldn’t stay.” Chrissy sighs, knowing full well that the Black Widow would have been an asset in this area.

“She’s a very busy woman.” Wanda adds as she helps with the dishes. “But an extra pair of experienced eyes would have helped. That’s for sure.”

Chrissy decides that coffee is in dire need and starts a fresh pot. Leaning against the counter, she can hear Tony explaining something to Bucky about coded words and trigger mechanisms for the brain. 

“Buck, stand down.” Steve is trying to sound authoritative and calm. 

What the hell? What’s going on over there? It doesn’t take long for Chrissy to get her answer. As she makes her way into the dining area she spots Bucky standing, fists balled at his sides, jaw clenched and he’s surveying the people before him as if they are strangers. When his eyes finally land on her form, she sees his shoulders relax.

From the corner of her eye, Chrissy can see Tony inching forward. “Don’t...he’s just confused.” She spreads her arms apart hoping to neutralize the situation. “It’s alright. You’re with friends.” She informs the distressed Soldier before her. “Just relax. Want to go outside?” She knows this will appeal to him, the open country will make him feel less confined. 

The woman before him holds out her hand and he moves towards her a little too quickly. Alarming the other men in the room. The one she called Tony breaks a chair over his back, causing the Soldier to drop to his knee momentarily. Angered, he turns his attention towards the man that had assaulted him, fury evident in his eyes.

“Tony!” Chrissy yells at him, knowing full well where this is now headed.

“Sorry?” Tony raises his hands in surrender, regretting his actions.

Just as the Soldier makes his way for the man, a larger man blocks his path and apologizes.

“Sorry Buck.” The man hits him in the jaw, hard. This one is much stronger than he looks, and seems a bit familiar. Something about a mission. Maybe if the Soldier completes it, he’ll remember what he’s doing here.

* * *

“It’s alright.” Bucky can hear someone telling him. “That’s right. Just like we’ve practiced before. Nice, slow, deep breaths.” Small fingers are gently clasping his jaw. The back of his head is pounding and why is he chilled? His fingers of flesh and bone find grass, he’s on his back in the field. What the fuck?

“How did I get out here?” Bucky asks no one in particular. His jaw is throbbing and his ribs are screaming in agony, those damned things are never going to get to heal properly.

“You got your ass handed to you.” Clint informs and yelps when Wanda jabs him in the side. “What? It’s true.”

Rolling her eyes, the young woman crosses her arms. “It also took all of us just to get him out here.”

Opening his eyes, Bucky can see Chrissy staring down at him. Concern etched all over her features. Metallic fingers circle the wrist by his face gently. “Did I hurt anyone?” 

“You were focused on Steve.” She sees his eyes grow wide. “But he’s alright. Right, Steve?”

“Yeah. I’m fine Buck. Just...didn’t want you destroying the house. So we brought the fight out here.” The Captain reaches out a hand in Bucky’s direction to help pull him to his feet.

“Fight? God. I’m so sorry. I don’t remember what happened and...I would never…”

“I know.” Steve reassures. 

The Soldier is looking over the people before him. Chrissy seems fine, other than being worried for his well being, she’s unharmed. Clint and Wanda just seem a bit on edge and Tony’s only a few feet away. “You’re not in a suit?”

“Yeah, well... It’s not exactly near by. I’m heading back. Got work to do.” Tony shakes his head and marches back towards the house clearly aggravated. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s just moody. Probably his time of the month.” Clint snickers.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I hope I didn’t...” He’s apologizing to Wanda, that woman must think the worse of him now. “I would never hit a woman…”

“No. You didn’t get the chance.” She spreads her fingers to display a red glow.

“You were not yourself Sergeant Barnes.” Vision tries to justify the man’s actions. “Therefore, you cannot be held accountable for actions in which you had no control.”

* * *

Sitting on the chair in Chrissy’s room, Bucky flinches as she applies some sort of antiseptic to the open wound on his left side. He has a few of those. Some from Vision and Wanda, others from Clint. The bruises, those are from Steve. And he deserves every one of them.

“Sorry.” Chrissy shuts an eye, knowing how much this shit stings. “Almost done.”

As she places the medical items back into her first-aid box, Chrissy notices Bucky’s shoulders sag. He feels horrible and looks miserable. Staring at his feet, his elbows resting on his knees, the Soldier continues to keep a tight grip on the clean shirt in his hands. He attacked his friends, people he’s come to care about, just like he feared he would. Again.

“Hey.” She says softly and pushes the hair from his face. Pulling away slightly and avoiding eye contact, Bucky licks his lips and doesn’t say a word. “Don’t be like that.” Chrissy places a hand under his chin and gently forces the man to look up. Blue eyes full of regret and shame. “Wasn’t your fault. And everyone is ok.” He tries to pull away again. “Bucky, stop.”

The Soldier sighs and lets his frame relax, Chrissy’s thumb forms small circles against his skin. Bucky knows it’s futile to argue or protest. She’ll tell him things he doesn’t deserve to hear, things about his character that only she sees. And he so badly wants to believe her every word.

“Come here.” The woman pulls him close, letting Bucky rest his head against her abdomen as she runs her hand through his hair, which is now past his shoulders. “Think it’s about time we give you a bit of a trim.” She snickers trying to get him to focus on anything else. 

“Did I make a move at all to hurt or scare you?” He pulls aways slightly and studies her reaction.

Her features soften as she places a hand on the side of his face. “No. Never. You were quite calm until Tony made a move.”

Relieved, he hugs her tightly. “Good...Did I break anything?”

Really, this is what he’s worried about? “What?” She laughs. “No, not that I can think off. Tony on the other hand killed a chair and broke the coffee table.” 

Bucky groans. “Sorry.” A few more items just got added to his ‘to do or fix’ list.

“That’s on Tony. I told him not to advance and he did anyways.” Chrissy loosens her grip on the man. “We should get some rest. It’s already late.” She tugs at his metallic hand.

When he comes to a full stand, his left shoulder in plain sight, Chrissy runs her fingers over the shield that now covers the old star. “I keep forgetting about this and how nice it looks.” Her fingers trail down his arm to his hand. “You doing alright? I know that what you guys were researching wasn’t exactly pleasant for you...it’s the reason you sort of went beserk.”

Entwining his fingers with hers, Bucky squeezes gently. “Yeah, I’m good. At least I think I am.” He snickers. Pulling the woman back into his embrace he rests his chin on the crown of her head. “I can’t promise that I’ll sleep much though.”

“But you’ll try...right?” She feels him nod. “That’s all I ask.”

* * *

Chrissy’s quiet. Disturbingly quiet. Even more so now that it’s just her and Bucky on the farm once more. Even Jake seems to sense her odd mood. Wrapped up in a large quilt, curled up on the couch with a book, the woman continues to pretend to read. Mind and thoughts are scattered and making it hard for her to want to focus on anything.

The Soldier can see her from the window as he finishes up his task in the workshop. He’s been working on this particular project for about a month now. It’s been hard keeping it a secret, seeing as she always pops in to check up on him. Shit, he has nothing to wrap it in. It is a gift of sorts after all. Tapping his hands impatiently on his thighs as he looks around the room for something to wrap this object in, he sighs. Should have thought of that before he came outside. Bucky decides to wrap his jacket around the item, it’ll only be in it for a few minutes anyways.

Entering the home from the patio, he places the gift on the counter and stares at it. For some reason, there’s a lump in his throat and he becomes extremely nervous. Nervous? Him? Weird. Confident. Sure. These are traits he can usually associate with. In an attempt to brush off the weird vibe, he makes his friend a cup of tea, all the while eyeing the bundled jacket from the corner of his eyes. 

Puffing a breath of air out to clear the mop of hair from his face, Bucky rolls his shoulders and laughs at himself quietly. You’re being ridiculous Barnes. The Soldier places the gift under his arm, grabs the steaming mug and heads for the living room.

“Tell me that you’re not wearing boots.” The woman jokes as she accepts the hot beverage.

“All in your head.” He takes a seat beside her.

“Thanks.” A gracious smile as she yawns. 

There’s an awkward silence as he sits there beside her. The crumpled jacket is resting on his lap as he chews at his bottom lip. Bucky’s staring at the coffee table, aimlessly. How the hell is he going to word any of this? What will her reaction be? Good, bad? Maybe he didn’t think this through enough. Specially today.

“What’s got you all tense?” She bumps his shoulder with her own. A small grin appears and he straightens his posture.

“Nothing.” His thumb is fiddling with the material of his plaid jacket. “I understand that today...isn’t exactly easy for you.”

Chrissy becomes quiet again. Fingers seem to grip her cup tighter as she brings up her knees and nods. 

“I wanted to do something...I don’t know...to help in someway.” Licking his lips he passes the bundle over and watches as she sits up and places the beverage onto the table. “I never had the honor of meeting him...but I listen. I hear how highly Steve and Stark talk about him. I know how much he meant to you...still does. Your eyes look different when you tell me about him. From what I've learnt...Connor was a good man.” There’s that stupid lump that forces him to clear his throat again. “I hope that this helps... at least a little bit.”

He gestures for her to unwrap his jacket. Chrissy’s trying not to let the moisture in her eyes overflow. That doesn’t last long. She’s forced to cover her mouth with her hand to force back a gasp. A few tears escape her eyes. 

On her lap is a wooden and glass case, with all of the items she had found in Connor’s rifle box. His Canadian flag is displayed in the background and there’s a few pictures of him as well. Where on earth did Bucky find those? Her finger traces the delicate etching around the trim. A small inscription on the bottom reads, Missed but Never Forgotten. 

“Bucky...this is gorgeous.” The tears continue to escape her eyes, she can’t help it. “How did you...where did you…” She can’t find the words. Shock. A gift this thoughtful, for her, for Connor. “Thank you.” She whispers as she turns and pulls him into a tight hug. “I can’t ever explain how much this means to me.” A kiss is placed on his cheek causing a light blush to spread.

Relieved. That’s what he feels when her small arms reach around his neck and squeeze. The tears weren’t expected, but she seems beyond happy with the gift and that has him feeling warm right down to his core. “I’m glad you like it.” He returns her embrace and allows her to hang onto him for as long as she likes. She’s sniffling and resting against him, happy but sad. 

Chrissy pulls the blanket and the frame up and remains planted against the Soldier’s side. Fingers continue to trace the wood. “Will you hang this up for me later?” She smiles up at him and he nods. “Is this what you’ve been working on all this time?” A small chuckle vibrates in his chest. “I was wondering what you were doing. All that work and no furniture.” 

The Soldier stretches out on the couch, allowing his friend to rest against him more comfortably. He’s content that she’s happy and that’s good enough. Bucky doesn’t plan on moving a muscle until she decides that she’s had enough of his presence. 

“You are wearing boots!” She laughs and slaps his chest lightly. Again, that throaty laugh is heard. “I guess I can let it slide this time. Don’t make it a habit.” She warns. Chrissy places the frame onto the table and settles against the Soldier once more. Tired. She can hear his heart beating a little faster then normal. Anxiety maybe? 

“You’re going to fall asleep.” 

“Am not.” Wrapping an arm around his midsection she smiles knowing he’s right, but she’d rather not be alone and their closeness is the only way she can think of to display her gratitude. “You would have liked Connor.” She’s able to say this without a shaky voice. 

Bucky knows she can hear the thumping of his heart. That’s fine, she won’t think anything of it. Guilt seeps into his bones. He feels horrible that this woman had to lose such a good man. A man he probably would have gotten along with very well. But then he feels a bit proud, knowing he was able to appease her pain even just a bit. But that guilt, it’s still there. Maybe it’s because he knows deep down why his heart is hammering so hard against his ribcage. Why his skin hums when she touches him. Brush it off. 

He’s alive and Connor’s not. That doesn’t seem right or fair. 

Is it selfish that he finds a silver lining in all of this? Because he doubts very much that he and Chrissy would be this close had Connor still been alive. And it’s appalling that this even crosses his mind. He can’t help it. Metallic fingers run through her hair, just as she has done for him countless times.

Right now, with this woman sleeping against him peacefully, Bucky wouldn’t trade this moment for anything. He could die tomorrow morning and he would be alright with that. Just please God, don’t take this memory. If his world goes to hell and he loses everything that he is once more. 

Let me keep this one at least, please. 

So far, he’s done the best he can at keeping his promise to a man he’s never met. A good man. And he’ll continue to do just that. Happy Birthday Connor. Bucky sighs and kisses the top of her head. 

Look at this anyway you want, this really isn’t fair.


	13. Chapter 13: Nerves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I really wanted this posted by the end of last month, bur RL just got way to busy and I was really ill. Oh well. Extra long chapter that’s a good apology, right? Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write. As always Read & Review, plz and spanks. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Marvel own’s like ¾’s of the world right? But Chrissy is mine!

** Chapter 13: Nerves **

Nervous. Why shouldn’t he be? He’s going to be staying at a facility, correction, a school where there are tons of people, mostly kids. That’s a lot of opportunities for someone to get hurt. Chrissy tried to reassure him countless times that there was nothing to be concerned about. Right. 

The turbulence and the hum of the Quinjets engines are a quick reminder of their current flight. The Soldier glances over at the woman sitting by his side. This is the first time that Bucky sees her all dressed up professional. Black skirt and a dress shirt. Chrissy looks nice. Nice, yup, that’s a good word for it, right? He’s chewing at his inner lip again. Stop that. It’s just a bit odd seeing her like this, not that he’s complaining. Stupid skirt. 

The Soldier shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Chrissy is signing documents on a tablet and rubbing her brow, she looks over-cumbered and drained. 

“Something wrong?” Rotating his shoulders, he tries to brush off the feeling of uneasiness. 

Looking up from her notes, the woman smiles. “No. Just numbers...I hate numbers.” She laughs knowing that he has the same fondness for anything in that area. “And legal stuff. Another thing I’m not a fan of. Just sending it all off to my accountant and lawyer.”

Bucky raises a brow, that does sound incredibly annoying and positively aggravating. Placing the tablet on her lap, Chrissy sighs. Rubbing her temples, the woman goes over her mental checklist. As if sensing her train of thought, the Soldier checks his pockets and then hands Chrissy the migraine prescription. 

With a thankful smile, the woman takes the offered meds. “Good thing you thought of this. I’d loose my head if it wasn’t attached.” She snickers. As the jet begins to land, Chrissy grasps Bucky’s hand lightly. “Listen, there’s nothing to worry about during our stay. Keep in mind that people like Logan are housed here. They are prepared for everything. Alright?” 

She sees him nod, uncertainty still claiming his being. He might not be as confident with this idea as she is, but Bucky’s willing to give it a shot. “I’ll be here. If you decide you’ve had enough, then we leave. End of story. No one will force us to stay.”

The Soldier drags his tongue over his teeth and takes a deep inhale. Feeling the rumble of the engines die down, they both rise from their seats. They descend the ramp and there’s a woman waiting for them. She’s hard not to notice with the bright white streak of bangs amidst her flowing auburn hair. She’s wearing gloves, indoors, even Bucky finds this odd. 

“Chrissy!” The two women embrace. “How you doing sweet pea?” Obviously from the south with that accent he concludes.

“I’m good. And you?” Chrissy pulls back and looks over her long time friend fondly. 

“Same old.” The woman shrugs her shoulders. “Who’s tall, dark and... menacing?”

Taking a few steps forward Barnes holds out his hand. “James...and you are?”

“Well hi there sugah.” When she grasps his hand, he suddenly feels it, the strength. If this woman wanted to, she could crush the life out of him right now and there would be nothing he could do about it. “Folks round here just call me Rogue. So that’ll do nicely.” Offering a quick wink, the woman releases his hand and begins heading up the ramp. “I’ll bring your bags to the guest rooms. Xavier is waiting for you.”

“Thank-you.” Chrissy exclaims over her shoulder as she heads towards the doors.

“You been here before?” The Soldier asks while keeping a steady pace beside her. Bucky opens the door and allows her to enter first. Everything here feels odd, but familiar, and that sets off all kinds of warning bells.

“Quite a few times actually.” They continue to walk down a corridor and come to an elevator. “Sometimes I would stay a few days with someone who was in my care until they got use to the place. Most of the people that I’ve dealt with usually chose to relocate here or with SHIELD.” Chrissy pushes on the main floor button and the elevator ascends.

When the doors open, Logan is standing there waiting for them. “Chris, Barnes.” He nods and receives the same treatment from the other Soldier. “Xavier’s in his office. He asked that I be there…”

Chrissy understands his meaning and doesn’t argue or protest. She can see that Bucky seems a bit confused as to why Logan would be needed for a meeting, but he doesn’t question it. His eyes are forever surveying their surroundings. Afraid to accidently react to something on instinct, Bucky’s hands remain secured in his coat pockets. Eyes widen when a few kids run past them down the hallway. When he brings his attention back to the two adults in his presence, Bucky seems to be the only one a bit shocked. 

“That kid had a tail..right?” He points down the hall with his thumb. Wolverine smirks in his direction. “Sorry...I’m just making sure my mind's not playing tricks on me.”

“You’re gonna see a lot of weird here kid. Get use to it.” Logan opens a large wooden door and motions for the two to enter.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Barnes glances at the woman by his side. He seems to be doing that a lot the past few hours. Chrissy wraps her hand around the crook of his arm and tugs lightly. “Come on.” She beams. “It’ll be fine. I promise.”

They enter the room and see an older man sitting in an electronic wheelchair. Professor Charles Xavier, Bucky presumes. He’s talking softly with a little girl who’s sitting in a chair in front of his desk. When the little girl turns around, Bucky is forced to suppress a gasp of disbelief. She’s one of the kids that they had rescued from that compound in B.C. She looks healthier and happy. Her eyes widen at the sight of them. 

“I know yous.” Dark brown pigtails bounce as she slides off the chair and runs up to them. A large stuffed, pink, cat dragging behind her. There's a bit of paint and glitter on the front of her beige coveralls. She can’t be more than five years old.

Bucky quickly looks over at Chrissy who’s smiling back at him. Finally, he gets to see what he helped save for once, and it’s sinking in. There’s a tug a the bottom of his jacket that forces the Soldier to bring his attention back to the present. “Scuse me. I never got to say thanks. Professor said I could...if I wana.”

Kneeling down on one knee, Bucky forces a smile and clears his throat. “Nothing you need to thank anyone for.”

As if looking for permission, the little girl looks back at the older man and he nods. “My name’s Ariana. This is Kat.” She holds up the stuffed animal and then hugs it. “And you’re James.” She informs in a hushed tone. 

“It’s very nice to meet the both of you.” He’s surprised when the child wraps her arms around his neck. Not knowing what to do, Bucky pats her back softly and then clears his throat. Chrissy is doing a poor job at hiding her amusement. This kid isn’t showing any signs of being even a little bit timid of him, and that’s oddly comforting, but strange all the same.

“I have nightmares too.” She’s still whispering. Wait how did she know…? “You’re a nice man. Even if you don’t think you are. Kat likes you.” The Soldier raises a brow in the child’s direction.

“Alright Ariana, I think it’s time you found miss Grey.” Unlike Chrissy, Charles is not trying to hide his smile.

“Ok…” She sighs. “Can I visit yous...sometime?” Bright green eyes stare back at Chrissy. 

“Sure sweetie.” 

Logan opens the door and the little girl skips down the hallway. With a calm presence, the Professor controls his chair so that he's placed before the new face.

“Sergeant Barnes, welcome. I'm pleased to see that you've decided to pay us a visit.” The man before him extends his hand and Charles grasps it. 

“Chrissy speaks very highly of you. It's nice to finally put a face to the name.” The Professor gestures for the duo to take a seat. 

Once seated, Charles nods in Logan’s direction and the Wolverine leans against the wall. Waiting for what? Bucky hasn't a clue. Muscle or a precaution for some unknown reason. Bucky brings his attention back to the old man.

“Chrissy must have explained to you what it is I can do.” The Soldier before Charles nods. “Good. Because with your permission I'd like to begin right away.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and then exhales. “Alright.” Eyes roam off to the side, gazing at his friend, whom offers an encouraging smile. Chrissy’s posture is relaxed, so he should be as well. No worries. Inhale. Exhale. In and out.

“All I need you to do is close your eyes and take nice, calm, deep breaths.” 

The Soldier does as requested. Already he can feel something, like someone pulling at him in the dark. _“Hello?”_

The man from moments before is there. _“You're standing?!”_ He was paralyzed right? Not just some trick.

_“Indeed I am.”_ The Professor smiles, tucking his hands behind his back. _“This is the Astral plain.”_ Bucky's eyes widen with recognition. _“So you've heard of this before.”_

_“Yeah. Thought the people who were mentioning it were insane...but now…”_ Bucky looks around quickly. There’s nothing. No light, no objects, no walls, nothing. Completely void. _“Why is it so dark?”_

_“I've brought us to a place that's safe. Your mind is...fragmented, but there's hope for repair. With your help and effort, we might be able to piece some of it together so that your mind can heal and then do the rest on its own. After all, I can only do so much.”_

_“Anything is better than nothing…”_ The Soldier's shoulders sag. _“And appreciated.”_

_“I want you to know that there might be a point where some personal memories come forward. I have no control over that. It's your mind that decides what to reveal. However, anything I see will remain here, between us.”_

 

_“I think I can live with that.”_ Really does he have anything to hide? And if he does, he can't remember what it is, so it doesn't matter.

* * *

Thirty minutes have passed and the Professor still has his fingers resting against Bucky's temples. Perspiration begins to form on the Soldier's brow. Hands grip the arms of the chair causing the wood to creak. Starting to feel concerned, Chrissy glances over her shoulder. Logan shakes his head.

“Man knows what he's doing.” He reminds patiently. 

Bucky grinds his teeth and hisses, the muscles in his neck stiffen. Wolverine straightens his posture, fists forming at his sides.

“James?” Charles opens his eyes and releases the man.

The Soldier begins to slump forward and it takes all of Chrissy's will power to keep herself seated. Frame shaking, Bucky lifts his head and looks around the room cautiously. Quickly coming to a stand, the chair topples over behind him.

The Wolverine slowly advances. Charles smiles in Logan’s direction, causing the man to stop in his tracks. Catching the movement from the corner of his eye, Bucky grabs Chrissy by the forearm, forcing her to stand and pushes her behind him. When the Professor places his hands on his lap, the Soldier recoils once more, pushing the woman back further.

“Sergeant Barnes.” Charles is patient and remaining still. “Take a moment and try to focus. No one is going to cause you or your friend any harm. This is a safe place.”

Why is this man speaking to him like they know each other? Bucky’s eyes are calculating his options. Door, window. Desk, man, chair. Chrissy, shifts behind him, instinctively his right arm holds her back. Let me think for a second. 

“It seems our little session has caused our new friend to become a bit distraught.” The man in the wheelchair presses his lips together. “My name is Professor Charles Xavier. The man by the door, you’ve met before, several times in fact. Isn’t that right James?”

Shaking his head lightly, Bucky grunts. “How the hell did you do that?” 

Another patient smile. “You gave me permission to enter your mind when you first arrived. You came here with Christine seeking help and answers.” That does sound familiar. “I understand that it takes a few minutes for recent events to come back to you. That’s alright, nothing to be ashamed of.”

Like a fog being lifted, the past few hours come flooding back to him. “I’m…I’m sorry. I meant no disrespect.” Bucky lets go of Chrissy and quickly picks up the chair.

“It’s quite alright.” Charles raises a hand and returns to his desk. “I can understand that you’re probably exhausted. Logan will show you to the guest quarters. Please let us know if there’s anything you require.”

“Thank-you.” Chrissy beams and slowly makes her way around the Soldier. “Your help is greatly appreciated.” The woman tugs her friend by the arm gently and leads him to the door.

“Sergeant Barnes, if it’s alright with you, I would like to continue our session tomorrow. Let’s say early morning.” The old man sees Bucky nod in his direction. “Good.”

As they follow the Wolverine down a few corridors, Bucky can feel the sweat at his brow building. “What the hell happened?”

“Sometimes, when Chuck plays around in your head like that, it works up the body. Kind of like a workout. Your body has memories too kid. If the stuff that was brought up was painful or taxing, well then…” Logan regards the man next to him. “It gets better.” He gestures to the two doors right across from each other. “I’m just down the hall...if you need any slapping around…” Logan snickers.

Bucky smiles and shakes his head. “Thanks pal.” He can’t help the feeling of paranoia just on the edges of his mind. He doesn’t know these people. Breathe. 

“Alright. How about you shower. I’ll order us some pizza, maybe see if I can find a few movies.” Chrissy pats his arm and heads for her room.

Shaved, clean. Stomach growling. Deep breaths. You invited that man into your head. Breathe. Staring at himself in the mirror, he tries to remain calm. Fingers run over the shield on his left shoulder. Breathe. 

Is it instincts, paranoia or years of having to live like a spy that has him on guard? Bucky gets dressed and heads over to Chrissy’s room. Not bothering to knock, he turns the knob and enters. Steam is pouring out from the washroom, she’s busy for the moment. The Soldier begins his sweep. Running fingers along every edge, every window, every door frame and crack. He pushes and knocks on walls and floor boards. 

“Bucky?” Chrissy sighs, she knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s reminiscent of when he first showed up at her doorstep.

Brushing past her, he enters the bathroom and does the same thing there. “It’s clean.” He almost sounds confused. Running a hand through his hair, the Soldier makes his way back into the bedroom. Hands on his hips, he paces.

“Bucky. Stop.” Chrissy smiles warmly and stands in front of him. The woman grabs his hands, and gets him to follower her. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he allows his shoulders to slump forward. “Alright, take it easy. I know being here might be a bit...nerve racking. Just give it sometime, you’ll see that it’s ok.”

Inhaling deeply he nods. “Sorry...force of habit. Just...making sure...”

“That we’re safe. I know. It’s alright.” She pats his shoulder and grabs the pizza boxes from the desk. “Alright, pizza and a few crappy movies. You're always hungry so this should keep your mind off things for a bit.”

Exhaling deeply, the Soldier becomes a little more at ease once more.

* * *

So he said he would chill out a bit. Easier said than done apparently. Bucky’s still awake, back against the wall as he sits up in bed. Chrissy’s been sleeping against his chest for a while now. That’s perfectly fine, eases his mind a bit. The Tv’s on, but he’s not really watching it, just wants anyone wondering around in the halls to think that he is. Every time a shadow passes by the door, he tenses. A creak in the floor, a noise in the mansion, voices down the hall, all of these things reminding him to remain vigilant.

“Hey.” A yawn as Chrissy pats him on the chest lightly. “You’re suppose to try and relax a bit. Logan’s just down the hall. Did you want to try and get some rest in your room?”

The metallic arm around her shoulders tighten. “No. I’m not leaving you here alone.”

Chrissy giggles. Actually laughs at his slight over protectiveness. Unamused he stares down at her. “I’m sorry...It’s just, I’ve stayed here so many times. It’s hard for me to ever think of this place as threatening. That’s all.” 

“I’m not convinced.” Stern. Jaw set, the Soldier shifts his position in the bed. 

“I know. But you need to rest. That little session with Xavier must of drained you. It’ll be a lot harder on you in the morning. And I’d feel better if you got some sleep.” Everything that she normally says or does with him isn’t working. Bucky’s determined, she can tell by the way the muscles in his jaw flex. “At least try to just lie down and relax. Please. Everything is going to be much harder on you if you’re not rested.” She reminds.

Chrissy’s only concerned for his well being, just like he is for hers. A deep sigh escapes him. “Fine.” That came out more harshly than Bucky anticipated. The Soldier removes his sweater and lies down on the bed. 

It feels weird, to be in this room. It’s not home, since when did something like that matter? Whatever. A sigh leaves him, again. Miserable. Out of habit he taps the bedding expecting the small kitten to attack his hand. Bucky exhales deeply, he hates it here. But that Professor, this Charles Xavier, he might be able to help. Breathe.

“Thank-you.” Satisfied that he’s at least going to try, Chrissy turns in the opposite direction and lies down on her side. Now that he’s not so jumpy, she can sleep peacefully. A migraine has been tugging at the edge of her patience all day. Really, she could use the rest as well.

The bed dips with the Soldier’s movement and an arm is wrapped around her midsection, this forces her to smile. He’s not going to sleep, but if this gets her to be quiet, then so be it.

* * *

Feeling rested, Chrissy glances up at the clock. Seven A.M. Shit! She really should get her ass moving. When she begins to move, Chrissy notices that the spot next to her is empty. She rolls her eyes and prays that Bucky just decided to meet up with Charles. His sweater is still where he left it, cold she tosses on the large garment and heads for his room. Knuckles wrapping a few times on the door, she doesn’t hear anything so she cautiously opens it. No one’s there. 

“He’s with Chuck. Has been for at least an hour now.” Logan informs and sees that his sudden appearance causes the woman to jump back a bit.

“Jerk.” She scoffs. “You did that on purpose.” Then something dawns on her. “Wait...why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with them?”

Logan licks his lips and grins sadly. “Barnes had a special request...and the Professor didn’t see any reason to deny it if that made him more docile.” 

Chrissy crosses her arms. “Oh God. Did he ask to be restrained?” Alright, she doesn’t like this one bit, especially when Logan doesn’t answer because that means she’s right.

“Chris, maybe it’s not such a bad idea.” He reminds. “The places in that man’s head that they are visiting today, might cause him to be a little more violent.”

“I...I need to...where are they?” Chrissy pulls her hair back and ties it with a band she has on her wrist.

“No can do Chris. Xavier’s orders.” He sees the shock spread across her face. “You held it together yesterday. But with the amount of junk Charles has to sort through in that man’s head...in a short amount of time...might look to you like either one of them is in distress. Can’t have you interfering when he’s doing his mind walk stuff.”

That’s not the only thing she’s worried about and he knows it. Old Buckaroo could become violent or could end up stuck in a permanent state of not so pleasant Winter Soldier. But, it’s what the man asked for. It’s a terrifying thing to go through. Facing your demons and your past, especially if you don’t know what to expect. Logan can appreciate and understand this fear. Kid doesn’t need an audience either.

“Sorry darlin.” Logan sighs and hugs the woman before him. “He’ll be fine. Chucks gone through my brain more times than I can count...has loads of experience with this sort of thing.” She’s clutching the back of his shirt. “It’s going to be a long day. Want me to keep you company?”

Chrissy pulls away sniffling, not fully understanding why she’s so upset. “Uh..I...no. But thanks Logan.” She uses the sleeves to rub her eyes. “I’ve actually got some work I need to finish. So that should keep me busy for at least a few hours. And Rogue...she wanted to catch up.”

“Alright. That’s a good idea. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Thanks.” Just as she’s about to enter her room, she turns on her heel quickly. “Bucky told you to watch over me didn’t he?” The Wolverine smirks and she rolls her eyes. Typical.

* * *

Completely drained, Charles slumps back in his wheelchair. Someone offers him a glass of water which he accepts graciously. His eyes are constantly surveying the sleeping man in the reinforced chair. When the Soldier’s eyelids begin to flutter and a groan escapes the man’s mouth, Charles can’t help but smile. After all of that, he’s still determined, still so full of life.

“Professor? Are you alright?” His concern for others above his own personal well being is strikingly touching.

“Quite. And yourself?” Charles waits patiently.

The Soldier looks around the room slowly and then licks his lips “Sore. Exhausted. Not feeling like a murdering psycho.” He scoffs, a sense of humor, that’s refreshing. “So alright I guess.”

“And parched I gather.” Charles assumes. “Alright. How do you feel about having the restraints removed now? There really wasn’t a need for them when we started and there really isn’t any reason to have them on now.”

Barnes nods and within seconds the metal clasps all unlock. On unsteady, shaky legs he tries to stand, fails, and sits back down heavily. Logan hands him a bottle of water. “Hey Bub. Welcome back.”

“Thanks.” Bucky downs the water and observes his shaking hand. 

“I know. Your body is telling you to eat, drink. But it feels like if you do any or all of the above you’ll puke your guts out. And you would. Trust me.” Wolverine hands him another bottle of water. “Stick to water for now kid.”

“What you need is rest.” Charles confirms. “Your mind has been through much today. We’ll continue again tomorrow.” Right away he can see the Sergeant’s skepticism, but he brushes it off. “Sleep well James.”

“Thanks, Professor. And...it’s Bucky.” The old man nods and controls his chair so that it begins to wheel him out of the room. “I-I’m sorry if I was rude...or worse...I would never…” Barnes tries to stand and properly offer his apologies. The old man in the chair smiles and makes his wake back towards the Soldier.

“James.” Charles sees the other man sigh and shake his head. “Please don’t concern yourself with apologies for things out of your control. It’s appreciated, however unnecessary. I do understand that not everything you do or say is in your control when you’re in that state.”

“It’s no excuse.” Bucky licks his chapped lips and moves the bottle from one hand to the other slowly. Looking at the man from under his tired brow, lips set in a thin line, he exhales deeply.

“You remind me of Logan.” Charles smiles fondly and folds his hands together over his lap. “You’re both strong willed, rash and most importantly, uncharacteristically….kind hearted.”

The Soldier’s chewing at his bottom lip. “I’m not sure about that one Professor.”

“You know what I’ve noticed after all my years of doing this?” Xavier stretches out his back and brings his attention back to the man before him. “It’s the souls that have suffered the most gravely that feel the most deeply.”

Bucky’s studying the old crippled man, wondering if there’s a point to all of this.

“Tortured, abused…” With each word Barnes winces, shoulders lifting up ever so slightly like someone has struck him. “Degraded and forgotten.” With each word he feels the pain and regrets of the past and it stings. “Some would use this as a defence, a reason to spread malice and malcontent, twist their experiences and memories into hate to be recast out into the world, like so many before them.”

Charles eyes become soft. “And then there are people like you and Logan. Your memories, your pain...they form the person that you are now. A being who does not wish for the same amount of suffering to befall anyone else around them. So you hide away, you build walls and you suffer in silence where you think you belong. Hoping that somehow at the same time you’re helping.”

The Soldier’s eyes moisten. 

“Sergeant Barnes. It’s up to you. What would you like to use this drive for? You hunger to strive and be more. More than just a memory or a ghost story. I believe in my friend Logan here, just like I believe you are worth so much more then you give yourself credit. You have the capabilities to be a compassionate, empathetic and strong willed individual. You’re humanity never left you, it was merely brushed aside by those who wished to control you. Take advantage of you. Does that make you less of a human being for giving in? No, of course not. Everyone has a moment of weakness.”

“But mine lasted years…decades...”

“They painted a picture and had you believe it. But you weren’t convinced, not entirely and they knew this.”

“Maybe…” Bucky shrugs his shoulders, unconvinced.

“Really? You don’t believe me. What about that small girl in the red jacket? The one in your far back memories. You keep revisiting it over and over.”

“I don’t remember everything that went on…” The Soldier explains.

“No. But you do know the outcome.”

Bucky nods. “Yeah...my target was behind the kid. My orders were to take down the target...regardless of the child’s life…”

“But you didn’t follow through with those orders, did you?” Charles smiles knowing the answer. The Soldier shakes his head. “And you were punished for this, weren’t you?” The Sergeant nods.

“Chuck needs rest too.” Logan offers his hand and pulls the other man out of the chair. “Takes a lot out of him to do this…” The Wolverine waves his hand around the room. “Just...remember to be patient. Now come on, I’m sure Chris can’t wait to see that we’ve kept you in once piece.”

* * *

“She’s asleep.” The Wolverine informs before they even make it to the doors. “Can tell by her breathing.” Logan points to his ear. Yup, that will never not be creepy. “Sleep and water.” He reminds.

“Thanks.” 

The shower does little to help cool him off or sooth his aching muscles. He needs to rest, recuperate, but he needs to check on Chrissy. Bucky sighs. Safe, she’s fine, maybe a little ticked off about the arrangements he made, but she’s safe. 

Breathe. 

Annoyed that his paranoia outweighs his logic, Bucky tosses on a pair of light pants and silently makes his way across the hall and into Chrissy’s room. The only light is coming from the small lamp on the nightstand. There’s paperwork all over her bed, a tablet on her lap and she looks incredibly uncomfortable. The woman seems small wrapped up in his large sweater. 

Quickly, the Soldier picks up the loose papers and places everything on the chair. Gently, Bucky places her under the bedding. “Hey...” Damn.

“Hey.” He whispers back. The woman sits up briskly and wraps her arms around him. “I’m good. Just tired.” He clears his throat as he pulls away. Tugging at the sleeve on her arm the Soldier allows a grin to pull at his lips. “Was looking for this.”

“You left it here and I was cold.” She pulls her knees up to her chest and shivers. “You should go get some rest.” Chrissy notices the absent look in his eyes and the weary ghost of a smile he sports. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Bucky tilts his head back and tries not to laugh. “Yes and no.” A long exhale. “I remember lots now...most of it is still coming back on it’s own. But it comes in waves. Some is real...some I’m not so sure. False memories they put in there of sorts.” He clears his throat and smoothes out the material on his thighs several times. “Some stuff is good...some...well you get the idea.” Lots of it is worse than what he could have imagined. “It’s worth it though...if I get to remember some of it. I’ll take the good with the bad. And I’m going to write it all down and decipher what is real and what isn’t.”

He looks drained, and filled with guilt, shame and disgust. For things he did, things he remembers. Placing a hand on his cheek Chrissy can feel that he’s shaking. “Want to stay here?” 

Bucky knows Chrissy means in her room, not in this Mansion, forever. Accepting without saying a word, the Soldier lies down facing away from the woman, afraid to show weakness. The side of her face is pressed up against his bare back as she snakes an arm around him. He sighs, content. Memories, they’re not the best, but at least they’re his. Besides, he’s making new ones anyways. 

Breathe.

* * *

Something’s moving around at the foot of the bed. Too big to be an animal. Wincing at the sunlight in the room, Bucky covers his eyes with his forearm. He can hear Chrissy moving around in the bathroom.

“You awake?” A tiny voice that has him raise a brow and glance at the end of the bed. Was that...a kid? He spots the little girl from the other day staring back at him. Sighing he covers his eyes again. “She said I can play...but had to be quiet.” She whispers. “Shhhh.”

“Quiet Arie. Or Chrissy will make you go back to your room.” 

Where the hell did that second voice come from? Bucky sits up quickly and scans the area. Nothing, no one else is there. 

“See…” 

What the hell? Did that stuffed animal just talk? 

“He doesn't look too happy.” Yup, it did. The Soldier picks up the little girl, stands and tosses the pink toy onto the bed. “That was a bit rude.”

“It's talking.” Bucky is positive he must be hallucinating, he shakes his head and stares at the inanimate object. “I heard it talk…what the hell is going on?”

Hearing the commotion, Chrissy makes her way back into the room. Bucky’s shielding the child and looking like he's ready to bolt. “Ariana...I told you to let me explain things before you do that.” Stern but gentle. 

“Sorry.” The little girl apologizes and then looks up at the man holding her. 

“Wait...she did that?” Chrissy nods and he exhales. “I thought...never mind…” The Soldier deposits Ariana onto the bed. “It's...ok.” A tired smile.

“She's been in here since the sun came up.” Chrissy hands him a shirt which he accepts. “Said she has bad dreams too, but they're not as bad since she was brought here.” Chrissy smiles warmly at him. 

“Can I go find the other kids now?” The little girl puffs out a breath of air. “They should be awake now.”

Chrissy kneels down in front of the child and adjusts one of the barrettes in her hair. “Alright, I'll walk you to your class. Let me talk to Bucky for a minute. Ok?” 

“James.” The little girl reminds and this has the woman laugh. “That's his name. Did you forget?”

“My friends call me Bucky.” The Soldier snickers.

She seems to consider this and smiles. “Am I a friend?”

“Sure kid.” Bucky finds that he's grinning, weird. 

Happy with this answer, Ariana grabs her toy and plays on the bed. Chrissy follows Bucky to the door. “I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out.” The woman runs her hand through her hair. “Rogue brought her here early, said she was crying and asking for us…”

“It's fine.” He understands that Chrissy's greatest weakness is for those in need. She'd never turn anyone away, and Bucky would never stop her. “You're thinking of taking her in...aren't you?” This woman, he starting to know all too well.

“I'm not sure.” Chrissy sighs. Every person she's ever dealt with has been the age of a young adult or older. “I think her options and chances are better here.”

“I don't know…is this really a great place for a kid?” Bucky can't remember his childhood much, but for some reason he's not fond of the idea of someone growing up in a large place like this.

Chrissy’s trying not to laugh out loud. “Are you trying to convince me to bring home a kid?”

“Woah...what? No.” What was his point then? Because he’s dangerous for adults to be around. A kid? Yeah not a good idea. “We have enough strays.”

“I'm gonna bring her to Ro’s class. I'll be back in a little bit.” Chrissy holds out her hand and opens the door. “Time to go sweetie.”

* * *

It’s the third day of their visit. Chrissy watches from a behind a large window as Charles continues his session with Barnes. The Soldier is shouting and thrashing viciously against his restraints. Bucky and Logan were right, this was a bad idea, to sit here and witness this.

The Professor seems to be oblivious to what’s transpiring in the same room. Rubbing a hand over her mouth and unable to bear to watch anymore, Chrissy pushes up from the desk and leaves the lab.

“Gonna gets some fresh air.” She informs Logan, who stays behind. “Let me know if things change.”

“You got it.” Wolverine pats her shoulder as she walks by. “He’ll be fine...in good hands and all that.”

Sitting outside under a large Maple, Chrissy unconsciously grinds her teeth and begins to second guess herself. Everyone is different, that’s what she had told Tony. Maybe, this treatment that’s worked for so many others, is just doing Bucky more harm than good. Taking a deep breath she tries to relax. Trying not to think at all, she concentrates on the scenery before her, the sun is setting and the air is crisp. Not as cold as back home, but enough to force her to bundle up. Chrissy wants to go back inside, but she just can’t stand to see her friend go through that. 

An hour goes by before she hears someone walking through the fall leaves. The crunch under the weight of the boots as the steps get closer is what brings her thoughts back to the present. 

“He’s stable.” Logan brings a cigar to his mouth and lights it. “Xavier wants to see you.”

“Thanks.” Chrissy looks up at him and smiles wearily. “How’s Charles?”

Sucking a bit of air in between his teeth and tongue, Logan shifts, uneasy. “Tired, but he’s dealt with worse.” A wink. Offering his hand, he pulls Chrissy to her feet. “Barnes passed out in his room. Kid will probably sleep a day after something like that…”

Heading towards the house, Chrissy wraps her arms around her frame. “Good. He needs it.”

She’s standing at the Professor’s office doors when Logan decides to leave her side. Offering a nod of gratitude, Chrissy watches as the man walks away. Before she can even knock Charles informs her to enter. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. Please, sit.” The old man sifts through a few files on his tablet and then places it on his desk. “Sergeant Barnes has made remarkable progress.” He pushes the device across the table and gestures for her to look at his notes. 

Her eyes scan the words on the screen quickly. “Wait, you want to continue with him...but you’re discontinuing his treatments. Why?”

“Temporarily.” Xavier runs his index over his tired brow. “Unfortunately, with the experiments that Hydra did and the implanted memories that they have set up in his mind...it makes it extremely difficult for him to decipher the real memories from the false ones. And then there’s the triggers. Words, scenarios, commands. All setup to control him. I tried to build walls around them. I’m afraid that if I continue...he’d end up lost or worse.”

Road blocks. Chrissy sighs. “Alright. You said temporarily. What did you mean by that exactly?”

“It’s to my understanding, that Mr.Stark is currently working on a project in the hopes that he will be able to navigate and clear certain memories.” Chrissy nods, so he continues. “If he succeeds and is able to bypass some of these problem areas, I might be able to help James further.”

Chrissy’s still not use to people calling her friend by his first name. “Have you explained this to him already?” The Professor nods. 

“Christine. I know that you would like to return home as soon as possible. However, I would like for you both to remain here for another day. It’ll be easier to monitor his progress after a long session.”

“Sure, that’s not a problem at all.” Chrissy exhales and makes her way over to the Professor, kneeling down next to him she takes his hand and squeezes gently. “Thank-you so much for all that you’ve done. I know it must of been difficult.”

“Not a problem my dear. Now there is one more thing I wanted to discuss with you before you head out. Arianna, it was a good thing the Avengers found her when they did. It seems as though that Sergeant Barnes and our young friend might have a few things in common.” The woman before him awaits an explanation. “They were both deemed special enough to become weapons.”

* * *

10:00 A.M. Did he sleep in again? Bucky stares at the clock and then checks his phone on the night stand. Same time. Pushing himself to stand, the Soldier notices that he’s still in jeans and a t-shirt. Doesn’t look like he even moved from the spot he passed out in. With a stiff neck and a sore body he heads for the shower. At least he didn’t vomit. Bonus.

He’s not surprised to see Chrissy sitting on the bed, reading through her tablet when he exits the washroom. “How’d you sleep?” She asks, eyes never leaving the illuminated screen. 

“It was weird. Felt like I just closed my eyes and when I opened them it was morning. So...good I guess.” He snickers and sits down beside his friend. “I guess we’re leaving tomorrow morning.” 

Chrissy nods. Her fingers scroll through the files on the device. She’s too quiet. That’s never really a good sign.

“Did Xavier go over everything with you?” Bucky’s trying for small chit chat. Not like him at all, but the space in the room feels awkward right now and he’s trying to fill the silence with anything.

The woman nods once more, signs her name with her finger on the screen and continues reading. Right, his patience is worn now. Bucky grabs the tablet and gently pulls it away. “Alright...you’re quiet and that’s weird. What has you all worked up?”

“You were right. Seeing you like that…” Chrissy exhales and pulls her sweater in around her form tighter. The man before her is suddenly chewing his lip. “It’s not pity, Bucky. So don’t look at me like that. It’s anger. I hate knowing what’s been done to both you and Logan. Hate the people that did it.” 

Bucky pushes his damp hair away from his view. “Coming here, staying with you. Having a home. It’s done me a world of good. I don’t regret any of that. It’s more than I could ever ask for...more than I deserve.” The Soldier visibly relaxes. “But, as much as I remember now, it’s still not everything. Some of it is still slowly coming back and some of it...well who knows what’s really real.”

“Do you want to talk to Tony?” 

“Maybe...I’m going to take some time to think about it. I would like to know what type of progress he’s made though.” Bucky rolls his head from side to side with a grimace. “Right now...I’d just like to eat something. Feels like I haven’t done that in days.” He laughs and Chrissy rolls her eyes.

* * *

Arianna isn’t a difficult child by any means. However, she is a handful. Knowing that her new friends are leaving soon, Arianna had asked permission to be able to spend time with them before they left. Like Chrissy would ever say no. So now, it’s up to Chrissy and Bucky to keep the child busy. They’re in town, walking down a sidewalk passing storefronts and vendors. Rogue said the kid needed to get away for a bit, so that’s what they are doing. So far they had lunch and looked at animals in a pet store. Before they headed into the store, Chrissy had to make sure that the little girl understood that she couldn’t make it seem like the animals were talking. To Arianna’s disappointment, she had agreed. 

Now, they’re heading towards a few children stores. Chrissy figures that the kid could probably use some extra clothing and maybe a few new stuffed animals. When they pass an old man sitting on a bench with a sign, the little girl stops dead in her tracks. 

“Hi. What’s your name?” She glances at the old man’s sign, it has a gorgeous painting of a mountain scenery and a line that reads, strapped for cash. “I’m Ariana. You can call me Arie.” She beams and is a bit saddened when the man doesn’t answer. “Chrissy, come meet my friend. Sam. He can’t talk no mores. He can paint real nice. Did you know he was in a war a long time ago?”

Chrissy kneels down in front of the hyper little girl and smiles. “You shouldn’t pry into people's minds without their permission, it’s not nice.”

“But I did ask.” The little girl informs. “Oh, well I asked quietly. He said it was ok. And that I’m po...polit.”

“Polite.” Bucky corrects. “Why don’t you two head to the park over there...I’ll be a minute.” 

Chrissy glances up at him, a look of curiosity on her face and then gets Arie to follow. “Want to play on the swings?”

The Soldier points to the bench beside the old man. “Do you mind if I sit?” The old man smiles and continues to study his new visitor. “Those mountains...they are in Vietnam?” Bucky remembers seeing those exact peeks at some point. The old man nods. “Sorry…” Bucky notices that the man is missing his left hand. “It was nice meeting you…” He glances at the patch on the man’s shoulder. “Staff Sergeant.” The Soldier shakes the Veterans hand and stands. When the old man’s attention is focused back on painting, Bucky drops a few bills into the man’s hat.

Chrissy is pushing Ariana on one of the swings when Bucky makes his way over to them. “How much did you give him?” She smiles warmly.

Bucky glides his tongue over his teeth. “Whatever I had on me.” He’s pushing the dirt around with his foot. Chrissy shakes her head and continues pushing the small child on the swing. She knows full well that he had at least a few hundred dollars. 

“Softy.” She teases.

“Yeah, well you’re rubbing off on me.” A playful grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Arie.” He sees the little girl look back at him and then his gaze lands on the swing with her new toy, a large purple octopus, swinging away by itself. “Knock it off kid.”

“Alright.” She pouts.

“You can do that stuff at the mansion sweetheart. Alright?” Chrissy reminds tenderly. 

“Sure. Can I go down the slides now?”

* * *

Chrissy's reading, again. Signing papers. Jotting down notes on the tablet. Numbers and legal stuff Bucky recalls her saying. 

“Need help with anything?” At least if he offers he won't look like a complete waste of space.

“That's fine. But thanks.” Chrissy's fumbling through a few pages. “Actually...here look at these.” She hands him some maps and property surveys. “Tell me what you think.”

“Alright.” Bucky thumbs through a few records and calculates the acreage for each property. “You're thinking of buying more land?”

“Yeah. What are your thoughts?” She's continues to read more paperwork.

“On what? Which one?” He raises a brow. 

“Well on whatever one you think is best. They all connect to the property I currently own. I'm just looking to add more. I like the idea of not having more people snatching up property near me.” She scoffs. “Maybe build a cabin or something. Space is getting tight at the house.”

Bucky pulls aside two pieces of paper. “Either one of these...they both have road access and they are the largest out of the bunch. The fact that these properties already have a road connected, makes them more likely to be bought by another buyer.”

“Perfect. See I would have bought a different one without even considering that.” Chrissy takes the two papers and files them away with the rest of her folders.

“So did it work?” Bucky’s staring out the window, trying to relax. He sees Chrissy give him a puzzled look. “Spending the day with the kid. Did they trick you into wanting to bring her home?” The Soldier snickers.

“She's cute. But she’s better off here.” The woman leans back and crosses her arms. “What about you?”

“Me, I shouldn't be anywhere near people...kids...even worse idea.” He sighs, knowing that James at one point and time had greatly desired a family. So did Steve. So did Chrissy. Neither of them are ever going to have that, and that's the reality. “She’s safer here, away from me.”

“You know that’s not why I don’t want her to come along...right?” 

“What other reason could you have?” He scoffs. 

Taking this kid in would be perfect for both Chrissy and Arie. Chrissy’s always wanted kids and that little girl needs a mother figure. The only reason this woman could possibly have for not taking this child in, is him and the danger he represents. Maybe he should take Steve up on moving to New York.

“She’s young and obviously extremely powerful. I’d have no idea how to handle any of that. And Xavier says that Hydra is really interested in her.” Seeing the man’s eyes widen with horror, Chrissy leans forward and places a kiss on his cheek. “It’s ok. She’s safe here and they have people trained to deal with kids like her here. This is why I think she should remain at the Mansion. But she’d be just as safe with you, you know that right? I know you’d never let anything happen to her.”

“You have too much faith in me.” Shaking his head, the Soldier suppresses an annoyed laugh.

“And you have far too little.” Seeing the way his eyes shift away and he tries not to smile, Chrissy figures something out. Something she’s never really considered until now, why she doesn’t know, but it has her a bit concerned. She has it bad for this man. Crap. 

Averting her eyes, Chrissy presses her lips together and sits back in her spot on the bed. This is something she’ll have to think on at a different time. There really isn’t time for her to worry about something like this right now. Clearing her throat, Chrissy becomes busy with her paper work once more.

* * *

Is it suppose to feel this good to be back somewhere you call home? The Soldier thinks it just might. Home. Yup, that word, still feels weird to him. When they walk into the house Jake greets them, tail and body doing an animalistic jig. Chrissy bends low to greet the canine and is rewarded with a low whine and dog kisses.

“Were you a good boy for Frank?” She receives a bark as her answer. “Where is that old guy anyhow?”

“Back here Miss Chrissy. Welcome home you two. Have a nice trip huh?” The old frenchman is drying a glass as he heads into the foyer. “Just finishin up makin Mama's stew for you two eh. Figured you'd be a bit famished and wid no time for some cookin Ol’Frank fix you up good.” The old man winks in their direction.

“It smells great.” She's starving and this really is a nice gesture, Frank is one of the best cooks she knows.

“Well course it does. Mama wasn't good at much but the woman could cook. Could make a meal fit for Kings outta bread crumbs and leftovers.” Frank heads back to the kitchen. “How’bout yous get all washed up. Frank’ll have everythin fixed up for yous.” He informs from the other room.

* * *

Chrissy’s doing a few dishes as Frank sits at the island sipping on tea. After saying his thanks for the nice meal, Bucky had went out to the barn, just to check on everything. Chrissy knows that he’s also probably checking the workshop. Don’t want Charlotte to have any more hiccups. 

“Your trip was a little shorter than planned huh?” The old man always seems to know more than what he leads on. “Your ami, he’s doing alright no? Seems a bit more tired than usual.” Frank clears his throat. “You know Miss Chrissy, after all them years of me coming here, especially after your Connor died... who I loved like my own…” He’s trying to figure out his wording. “I’ve noticed that the amount of people that come through here, is less and less. There a reason for that?”

Chrissy pours herself a cup of tea and sit across from her old friend. “I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like I’m not helping them as much as I would like. I don’t know if they are really benefitting from being here anymore.” A sad smile appears as her finger traces the patterns on the small ceramic mug.

“You joking right?” Frank scoffs. “You don’t see the difference in that man out there? Cause Frank sure does lemme tell you and I barely know the guy.”

Chrissy grins, the old man is right. There’s a difference. “Well maybe you’re right about that.”

“Course I am.” The Frenchman downs his tea and rises from his seat. “Well it was a pleasure as always Miss Chrissy.”

“Thanks again for everything. Especially on short notice. I’ll wire some money to your account tomorrow.” Chrissy quickly makes her way next to her friend and embraces him. “Safe drive home.”

“Always. And you know I’d come here regardless of pay, that’s just a bonus for this old man.” Frank pats her back and heads for the door. “Take care of yourself girly, Franky see you another time alright. Bon soir.”

“Sure thing Frank. Good night to you too.”

* * *

Oh sweet Mary and Joseph. He’s going to vomit. Still reeling from that horrible nightmare, Bucky stumbles to the bathroom where he remains for a good half hour emptying his stomach until he’s dry heaving. Hot and sweaty, he needs to cool down. Dear Lord he doesn’t deserve to live. 

Clad in nothing but a pair of light pants, he makes his way downstairs and onto the back deck. Fresh air and a cool breeze, that’ll help. Bare feet make contact with the lightly snow covered wood of the deck, he still feels incredibly warm and disgusted with himself. The lake, it’s just starting to freeze, there’s ice forming at the shore. 

When he was the Winter Soldier, they would dunk him in a tub full of ice to calm and sedate him, maybe that’s what he needs. Without giving it a second thought, Bucky marches down to the shore line and kneels down into the frigid waters. The calm waves gently lap at his thighs and waste. It kind of stings, he admits, trying to think of anything other than that dream. He’s feeling nauseated once more so he leans forward, hands gripping the muck as he tries to steady himself.

“What are you doing out here?” He can hear familiar footsteps leave the house as the patio door slides shut. “Are you trying to catch your death?” 

Bucky doesn’t even bother to look back. He deserves far worse than the treatment he’s giving himself and doesn’t know how to explain it. Chrissy’s far too patient and forgiving. She could never understand this, whatever this is.

There’s ripples in the water as the woman makes her way towards him cautiously. “Oh shit...that’s cold. Shit. Shit. Shit.” She’s whispering under her breath. A warm hand is placed on his shoulder. “Alright, that’s enough punishing yourself. Come on, time to go inside.” Her fingers squeeze.

Taking a deep breath, he stands up. Soaked and chilled to the bone, his eyes look over the lake. A small blanket is wrapped around his shoulders. The Soldier allows the woman to guide him back to the home. When they reach the door, he realizes that he’s dripping wet. “I’m soaked. It’ll make a mess.”

“It’s just water. Let’s get inside.” 

Alright, now he’s freezing, what the hell is wrong with his body. He’s not paying any attention as Chrissy leads him up to his room and goes through his dresser for dry warm clothing. “Here I’ll leave so you can change. I’ll come back in a few minutes ok?” He doesn’t answer so she leaves.

Shivering, he changes. A scene from that dream replays in his mind, pained, scared and horrified. The Soldier backs himself into a corner until his back makes viscous contact with the wall. His face is wet, he brings his right hand up to his eyes to inspect the reason for this. Why is he tearing up? Ribcage is vibrating with grief. The Soldier allows himself to drop down to the floor. He wraps his arms around one of his knees and sobs. Why can’t he muster up the courage to just end it all?

Chrissy’s padding lightly across the floor, dragging a warm comforter with her. Please, he prays, don’t say or ask anything. She seems to have pretty good intuition, because she does just as he’d hoped. Sitting down beside him, the woman wraps her arms around her friend and pulls him to security and comfort of her shoulder.

When he begins to shudder, Chrissy wraps them in the warmth of the blanket. “Better?” He nods against her shoulder. He feels her kiss the top of his head and her chest lifts with a heavy sigh. The darkness of the room is something Bucky’s grateful for when he finally pulls away from her. She can’t see how horribly distressed he is. 

“I shot and killed his wife.” A low confession, barely above a whisper. “Used her death as a way to force him out of hiding…she was carrying his child and only weeks from…” Oh God, he’s forced to cover his mouth with his hand, certain he was about to puke his guts out again. Regaining a bit of composure, Bucky takes a deep breath. The woman beside him grasps his hand in hers. Patient as always. 

“I killed Logan’s pregnant wife. All those years ago. That’s how I know him. That’s why I freed him...” Why can’t he hold it together for two minutes? The tears are streaming down his face once more. Why? It’s not his family that’s dead. Quickly Bucky stands and begins searching his room. Chrissy’s still sitting on the floor, trying to decide what she should do next.

“Call him…” He’s holding out his phone in her direction. “Call Logan and tell him what I did. He deserves to know…”

With a deep exhale Chrissy makes her way towards the man and shakes her head. “No.” She says gently.

The Soldier drops to his knees, the phone still being held out in her direction. “Please...just call him...he’ll end it.” A small whimper. Coward. Guilty. Monster. “Chrissy...I killed them. Oh God…” That man that helped him. That suffered enough, went through enough and he was the cause of some of it. 

The phone is gently removed from his grasp. Suddenly he’s relieved and terrified all at once. Is she really going to call to his executioner? But isn’t that what he wanted? Maybe he was hoping she’d forgive him, put up a bit of a fight. No this is for the better.

Chrissy tosses the phone onto the desk. “That won’t solve anything. He’ll have another death to add to his ever growing list. I don’t need my friend to have one more regret in his life.”

“They deserve justice and he deserves some peace.” The bile, he can feel it as it slowly begins to climb up his throat. 

“It won’t bring them back.” Chrissy takes a seat at the edge of his bed. “Justice...would be going after the people that made you do these things. Who forced all these horrible things onto you.”

“I think Logan would disagree.” He wipes his tired swollen eyes.

“He’s been chasing after the people that turned him into a living weapon. I’m sure with time...he might understand.” She’s rubbing her knees.

“How can you still stand to be so close to me? Knowing some of the things that I’ve done?” Bucky’s standing in front of her, judging her reaction, as soon as he sees any signs of disgust or fear, he’s leaving, it’d be for the best. “You should hate me, what I am.”

A sad smile appears on her face as he takes a seat beside her. “I don’t hate you Bucky. You’re just as much a victim in this…” There’s a pause in the air before she holds his hand. “I’m sorry, but if you want me to be angry with you...you’re in the wrong home. I hate that you were forced to do these things and now you have to relive all of it. You want Logan to know, that’s up to you. It’s not my place to say anything. Nothing you discuss with me leaves here, remember?” 

The Soldier nods. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell him.”

“And that’s for you alone to decide.” Chrissy’s voice becomes a bit shaky, she knows what would probably happen should Bucky decide to reveal this information to the Wolverine. 

“I’m trying to be strong…” A confession. “It’s just easier sometimes to give in and…” He can’t finish, he’s never been one to give up and this train of thought is unlike him.

“I know.” Chrissy embraces the poor man and kisses his cheek. “It’s ok. You’re aloud to have moments of doubt. You’re aloud to stumble and trip. But you have to pick yourself back up. It’s what you’ve always done, even if you don’t remember. Why else would you be still be here?”

When she pulls away from him slightly, the space between them feels cold and distant. He prefers it when she’s close, where she can’t observe him as much. He feels exposed under her watchful eyes, even in the darkened room. This makes him a bit uneasy. Chrissy seems to know things about him and his character that he thought he was able to hide really well. He might not like it, but at the same time he thrives in it. Weird.

Squaring his shoulders, Bucky decides once and for all, he’s in charge. He’s going to beat this. “You have a reason for being here, even if you don’t believe it. Everything happens for a reason, as cheesy as that sounds.” Chrissy laughs lightly while licking her lips.

“You believe that?” He sees her nod.

* * *

“You can help. Come on, it’s easy and it’ll be quick. Promise. Baking’s not that terrifying.” Chrissy is doing her best to suppress any laughter. This was the only thing she could come up with to keep his mind off of his grim thoughts.

“How about I keep you company...go over a few files, while you do that.” He points towards the kitchen with a half grin. This woman really wants to get some Christmas baking done, that’s fine, but he’s more of the eating cookies type, not so much making cookies type.

“I guess that’ll do.” Chrissy winks.

After a few hours, and a messy kitchen, Chrissy decides that she’ll do a few finishing touches and call it a day. The Soldier is leaned back in a chair, eyes scanning the tablet in his hands once more. When the woman swears under her breath, Bucky finally puts down his research. Drained, he rubs his tired eyes.

“What the...where are you?” His eyes survey his surroundings. Flour dusts the counter tops, a few bowls and other dishes are scattered about and there’s a multitude of cookies and pies placed for cooling. How long have they been in here?

“Down here.” A hand is raised from the other side of the island and he smirks at this. There’s a few clangs of metal on metal and another swear. “Uhmm...can I get you to give me a hand up real quick?” He hears a small laugh escape her. What in the world is she doing now?

Shaking his head, Bucky makes his way over towards the woman and offers her his hand. “How many people are you planning on feeding…” The woman grips his wrist and pulls him down. Unprepared the Soldier falls forward quickly, his mouth and half of his face is introduced to a handful of vanilla icing. Did she really just do that? Did this woman really just catch him, of all people, off guard?

Oh yeah, this means war.

The confused look he gives her has Chrissy laughing so hard, she’s holding her sides. “Payback for the dock.” She sputters out in between breaths, while still laughing.

“Uh huh…that was a few months ago. You holding grudges now?” He lifts a brow and licks his lips. “You do realize you’re in a bad position here.” With his weight above her, she’s basically pinned in place on the floor. Allowing himself to relax, he knows his weight alone will keep her immobile. The Soldier wipes his face with his right palm and forearm. Great, his hair is sticking to the side of his face and his clothing is covered in vanilla icing. She’ll pay for this. From the corner of his eyes he spots her mixing bowl. “At least when I tossed us in the water...it was both of us.” A devilish smirk.

“Bucky…” She knows that tone in his voice. It’s the same one he uses when he’s wearing his boots in the home, or feeding Jake things he’s not suppose to or you know, when he’s tossing them off of a dock. “You know you had it coming.” She’s squirming, trying desperately to escape him. Really, she didn’t think this through all that well. Chrissy was only trying to get the man to laugh and smile for a little bit. 

That part of the plan worked perfectly. The rest. Well, it was an on the fly type of deal.

“And this…” Bucky stretches and pulls the bowl close. “Is your weapon of choice?” He whistles softly. A mischievous grin spreads across his face. 

“It’s what I had nearby.” The woman admits, still laughing, still trying to escape. Forcefully, she pushes on his chest and arms, the man doesn’t budge an inch, only laughs at her futile attempts to flee. “Don’t you dare.” She warns playfully. “You’ve had this coming for a while.”

The Soldier scoops out a handful of icing and smiles. Teeth biting down on his bottom lip as he tries not to laugh. “Say you’re sorry.” He scoffs, his hand dreadfully close to her face.

“No way. Was so worth it.” 

“Suit yourself.” Just as he starts to bring the sticky mess closer, Chrissy pushes up on the back of his hand and his face is once more plastered with icing. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He laughs, icing dripping off of his face and chin onto her shirt.

The woman is laughing uncontrollably now. “Oh this is priceless.” Somehow, she manages to snap a picture of him with her phone. His chin is propped up on his palm as his elbow rests on the floor. Deflated, defeated and trying not to laugh. “Is the icing any good at least?” 

“You’re hilarious.” He says flatly, a smile still splayed across his face. “You got me in the eye this time. Your aim is horrible.” He's licking his lips again.

“Or perfect, depends on how you look at it.” Reaching over her head, Chrissy grabs the hand towel and starts wiping his face. “I think we’re even now.” She sputters out.

“Not even close.” Eyelids still closed, he leans forward to adjusts his legs. He can feel the tip of her nose brush against his chin. When Bucky opens his eyes, she’s staring up at him, still cleaning his face. Still hiding an amused grin. Pain in the ass, but beautiful. He sighs. She's really close.

“You so need a shower now.” Her fingers tug at his now sticky strands of hair. 

When her gaze meets his, he lowers himself a little more, settling above her frame comfortably. Metallic fingers run through her hair as he lets out a shaky breath and studies her face. 

“Bucky?” If he does what she thinks he’s going to do, she won’t be able to stop herself. They need to move and not be like this, in this position.

Chrissy’s hands grip the collar of his shirt when he leans closer. Too close. Feeling a blush spread across her cheeks, the woman averts her eyes and pretends to be searching for a wet cloth.

“I...should get this all cleaned up.” Her voice is low and raspy. His thumb is tracing her jawline and finds her chin, tilting her face towards his. She shuts her eyes and wills herself to say something witty. Anything. Nothing comes to mind.

Bucky leans in close. “Got you.” He says in a low tone and so close to her face that she can feel his breath on her lips. Then she notices it, icing smeared on the side of her face.

“You’re a sore loser.” She laughs and wipes away the icing. 

“You have no idea.” He grins, teeth flashing. Bucky seems to be thinking about something. Blue eyes never leave the sight of her face as she wipes away the sticky mess from her skin. When she looks back up at him, he sees it. The way she tries to avert his gaze, cheeks flushing. He's forced to stop himself when it finally dawns on him what he was about to do. “I'll get even.”

Bumping the tip of her nose with his, Bucky laughs knowing she's probably wondering what he has planned to settle the score.

Then the moment is gone, and maybe that’s a good thing. Chrissy’s pushing on his chest gently, telling him to get up and how he owes her some assistance cleaning since he didn’t help her with any baking. 

“I’m pretty sure you told me I should shower…” He’s laughing while heading upstairs.

When the water’s running and he’s out of sight, Chrissy takes a moment to lean against the counter. Jesus, that almost just happened. What is she going to do? She can’t change the way things are between them, because that would make it obvious that something’s amiss. And she can’t let a slip up like that happen again. She’s not the type of person to use anyone for any reason.

This man looks to her for comfort, compassion and friendship. And she would never do anything to jeopardize that.

Damn him.


	14. Chapter 14: First Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy Jumping Jelly Beans. I know, it’s been months. I’m sorry? Wait is that even good enough? Ugh. Well real life does get in the way. Schooling, family and everything else that comes with being human. I won’t bore you with the details of my life. Just know that I write when I need an escape, and this does help a great deal. I have MANY chapters written are at the very least, partially written. So this story is not going stop anytime soon. I hope an extra long chapter is a good enough ‘i’m sorry’ for the time being. But as always, please Read and Review. And I do hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: Just a fan story. Nothing more

**Chapter 14: First Move**

Steam is filling the bathroom. The Soldier has yet to enter the shower, he wipes the glass of the mirror and stares at his reflection. Gripping the countertop of the sink he takes in a deep breath and dips his head when he lets it out. 

Nope. Bucky shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. Nope. You're mistaken. Confusion, that's what you saw in her eyes and nothing more. Liar. Don't let something like that happen again, because next time you might not be as strong. Jackass.

But the way she gripped his shirt. The way her breathing picked up...Stop. Shower. Then a drink. Yup. Solid plan.

* * *

Depression. Shame. Anxiety. Good God, what has he become. Please don’t let this sulking crap become a habit. 

He just can’t seem to help it. 

It'll end at some point. Right? The Soldier lets out a shaky breath. Right.

Doing everything and anything he can to keep his mind from revisiting those thoughts, those memories. The Soldier sits in the workshop, mindlessly cleaning his tools, again. He already fed the horses and let them out, went over the Chevy and now, he’s back to this. Cleaning, organizing, keeping his hands occupied. 

When Bucky’s busy he doesn’t think about the torture that he was forced to endure over all those years. Those memories, most of them are still slowly flooding back. With them comes the nightmares as usual. Sights, tastes, smells. Fears, training, pain. The feeling of being defenceless, lost and terrified. But then the overwhelming anger and frustration settles in when he starts to realize what’s been done to him. What they’ve made him into. What they’ve taken away. And then it’s right back to that horrible feeling of despair and dread. Then confusion and helplessness when he’s forced to lie back and begin to freeze. 

It always ended with him being cold.

This is the pay off, he reminds himself. You wanted to remember. 

But he’d happily relive all of those horrible moments, those horror filled dreams, if it meant he could forget the rest. The screams, and cries filled with panic that were not his own, but of others, some innocent, others not so much. To erase the look in his victim's eyes from his mind. Their pleas for mercy, the stench of blood, the sights and the sounds that the human body can produce when all life is forced from it like an empty shell.

But in the end, it's what he deserves isn't it? To remember. It was his hands. His logic and quick thinking that made him so proficient. 

The Soldier shakes his form, willing himself to recall anything less grim. He needs to think of something else or he’s going to be ill.

Weapon specks. How many lights are on Charlotte’s consol. Maybe he should build Jake a dog house. 

Footsteps are closing in from behind him. Chrissy. Bucky doesn’t need to look back to know that it’s her. She’s checking in on him again, entering his quiet little space, but he doesn’t acknowledge her. Fingers push the hair away from his tired eyes. How long has it been since he slept? Four maybe five days.

The woman makes a noise of discontent when he looks up at her, solemn, dark, tired and drained. “Sweety. You need to sleep. I know that’s asking a lot. And I know it’s something that’s hard for you to do right now.” 

Bucky shakes his head and sucks some air in between his teeth. “Tried.” He’s being honest. “Can’t.” 

Shoulders slump forward as he clears his throat, places the wrench back in it’s spot and grabs the next tool. Gently, Chrissy takes the item from his hands and puts it back. Bucky’s gaze drops to the floor. Embarrassed that he can’t explain or understand what his issue is entirely.

“I know. You don’t know what to do or what’s going on with yourself lately. And that’s ok. The way you’re feeling, is normal. Nothing’s wrong with you. Just human. It’ll take time and a lot of effort. But it’ll get better.”

“I’m so tired, but can’t sleep.” He admits, voice hoarse. “Drained, but always have this need to be doing something. Anything…” He trails off as he places his face in his hands. Every time he shuts his eyes, he sees their faces, hears their screams. All of them. Going to see the Professor is not something he regrets, but it sure did stir up a lot things. 

Regrets. He only has one big one really. Surviving that fall. 

“Alright. How about you just try to relax, that’s good too. We can go inside and be lazy. Just watch garbage on tv and I’ll even put together a few things incase you get hungry.” She sees him nod and that has her smiling. “Ok. Good. Come on.” Chrissy tugs at Bucky’s arm and gets him to follow her back into the home. He removes his coat and boots. His body drops to the couch with force and he leans his head back.

“K gimme like ten minutes. You find something to watch.”

* * *

It's late. The Soldier has his head resting on Chrissy's lap as she continues to smooth back his hair. “You should head to bed.” He looks up at her after hearing her yawn.

“Nope. I'm good.” She covers yet another yawn with the crook of her elbow. 

“Chrissy...I don't want you running yourself ragged because of me. I'm fine.”

“So am I.” She scoffs.

Bucky sighs, but returns his attention back to the TV. Fingers are still in his hair or rubbing his back. After the credits roll Chrissy notices that the man is actually asleep. Finally. She tucks a pillow under his head and removes herself from the sofa. Deciding to let the Soldier get some well needed rest, she covers him with a blanket and heads outside.

It's cold. November in Northern Canada is rarely anything other than chilly this time of year. The sun sets much faster and there's little daylight left to do anything. After making sure that all of the animals are comfortable and inside for the night, Chrissy shuts the barn doors and heads back into the home. To her surprise, Bucky is still sound asleep on the couch. Good.

So she makes a simple lasagna and some bread. That should kill some time.

What the hell? Where is he? The Soldier surveys his surroundings with blurred vision. What day is it? A mission. What was it? Why is he lying on a sofa? Maybe he was injured and passed out here. Slowly he sits up and examines his body. Hiking up his shirt quickly he sees nothing. Running hands through his hair, he checks his fingers and finds no blood. No wounds. Why isn’t he in uniform?

Think. What’s the last thing you remember? A bunch of random images as he tries to remember something, anything. He has this incredible feeling of urgency to return back to base. Only, where is that? The Soldier shakes his head lightly. Cold, it’s somewhere cold. Right?

A noise, glass breaking. The Soldier quickly rises to his feet without making a sound. Fingers twitch when they don’t find the weapon that’s usually strapped to his thigh. His tongue darts out to lick dry lips as he quietly makes his way towards the sound he heard.

A woman's on her hands and knees, silently cursing as she picks up a broken dish. “Sorry if I woke you. I'm not that great at being stealthy.” She doesn't even glance his way. Somehow she seems to sense his presence. “Was trying to do the dishes quietly. Didn’t go as planned.”

Alright, she seems to know him. The Soldier takes a cautious step into the kitchen. Eyes forever scanning every inch, searching for threats or signs of something not quite right. Maybe this woman is assigned to him. She should have orders for him then. Maybe even tell him why he's here. So like the perfect Soldier that he is, he awaits for instructions, commands, anything. Only, he doesn’t receive any, she completely ignores him and continues to pick up the mess.

The woman hisses in pain and drops the dish. “Ah shit. Ow ow ow.” Blood runs down her right palm and drips onto the floor. His instincts tell him to help her, but his training tells him to stay put. Could be a trick or a test. “Wow I'm a cluts today.” She sighs and grabs a towel from the counter and wraps it around her hand. 

When the woman turns around, she notices how rigid and silent he's being. “Bucky?” Is she speaking to him? There's worry in her voice, but she doesn't seem frightened. “Hey sweety. You ok?”

The man doesn't answer but he does advance on her quickly. Tired of this charade, he grabs her wrist with his prosthetic. “What's going on? Why am I here? Who the hell are you? What are my orders? Where's the commanding officers?”

“Woah.” Her eyes grow wide. “You don't have any orders…”

“Impossible.” He pushes her against the wall roughly. “Who are you? Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“My name is Christine Meilleur. You call me Chrissy.” He's squeezing her wrist and his other hand is braced against the wall. “Ow. Your name is James Barnes. But your friends call you Bucky.”

“What?” Name, he doesn't remember having one. Only a rank. Soldier, that's what they call him, or the Asset. People have names. Pets have names. He does not. This woman, she’s causing him to think too much, to dwell on things of no importance and it’s making his head hurt. Aggravated, the Asset pulls her away from the wall and then pushes her back into it with a bit of force, causing the woman to hiss in pain. “Tell me what's going on or…”

“We’re friends. You've been staying here for months. Sometimes you forget things, people, but it's ok.”

“Stop it.” He warns in a low growl. His grip on her wrist tightens. 

“Ow. Bucky. You'd never hurt me.” 

“Stop calling me that.” The Soldier stares down at his metallic hand, there's blood soaking the towel and slowly making its way into the grooves of his fingers. Brow furrowed, he squints and then looks down at her face. “I…” Something about her does seems familiar. Eyes are filled with panic as he surveys his surroundings. “I don’t remember. What did you do to me?” 

“Nothing. It’s ok. You’re safe here.” The woman reaches up and places her hand on the side of his face. A shaky breath leaves him as he allows himself a second to shuts his eyes.

“That's it. Deep breaths. It's alright.” 

When Bucky opens his eyes after a few minutes she can see the amount of apprehension in them. Torn in between wanting to push himself away and bolting out the door and the concern for her well being. The man pulls her into a tight hug, the regard for her safety overweighing anything else. 

“Oh God. I'm so sorry.” Arms squeeze tight around her shoulders. “Are you ok? God I'm so so sorry. I would never...” A hand cradles the back of her neck as he holds her close. “I can leave. If you want me to, I’m gone. Jesus Chrissy. Are you ok?”

“Shhh. I'm fine.” Her one arm wraps around him while her injured hand is placed close to her chest.

“I slammed you into the wall.” Frantic, he looks at her eyes and examines the back of her head with his fingers. What if he gave her another concussion? “How's your head? Want me to call Stevens? Oh God.”

“You didn’t slam me into anything. Bucky please calm down. I can survive a bit of roughhousing.”

“Roughhousing? That’s what you call that? I should…” Bucky spots the blood on his and her hand. Knees begin to shake. “Did I do this?” He asks hesitantly, eyes feeling moist. Chrissy shakes her head and he’s filled with relief. “Let's patch this up.” 

Gently he removes the shard of glass and wraps her hand with great care. Washing his hands in the sink, he stares at the water as it goes down the drain.

“Thanks. That feels much better. “ Chrissy snickers and rests her chin on the back of his shoulder. “You ok?”

The Soldier shakes his head as he leans forward. “No.” Scumbag. Low life. Weren’t things with him supposed to be getting better now? “I'm sorry. I know I keep saying it, but I don't know what else to say and I really mean it.”

“Wasn't your fault. We just found a new hiccup to work on.” An arm snakes around to his abdomen as she rests the side of her face on his back. She feels him laugh when he pats her hand. 

“A hiccup. Right.” The man turns around and exhales. “If I would of…” His gaze falls to the floor. “God I can't even put it into words...I'm a danger to be around. To you.”

Chrissy goes back to picking up the broken glass. “I'm alive. I understand your worry. I really do. But as long as I remain calm and don't show any fear. You'd never make a move to hurt me. Not a threat, not a concern.”

She tosses the broken dish into the garbage and smiles. “The only one who's any danger to me is myself.” She chuckles while holding out her injured hand. “I'll do more damage to myself than you'll ever do.”

Bucky smiles, takes a few steps closer and places a quick kiss on her forehead. “Well. Maybe you should be more careful. I'd like to have you around a little longer.”

“I'll try my best.”

* * *

That skirt, he hates it. Not because Chrissy looks bad in it, nope, that’s not it at all. She’s dressed professionally for this meeting. This is important to her and what she does. Every move she makes, every word she speaks, thought out, calculated and respectful. But the Soldier is observant and doesn’t miss the way a few of the other men look at her or the hesitation in their stance when they lock eyes with him. They see it, a warning. Back off. They usually become visibly uncomfortable and this causes him to grin. That’s right. Who’s the big bad wolf? Not you idiots that’s for sure.

Chrissy removes her red jacket and takes a seat at the large wooden table. “Good afternoon gentlemen.” She smiles politely and hands them each a folder. “Here’s my year end report and financial statements. Also, you’ll find notes on Charlotte’s upgrades and performance.”

Ross hands the folder to his assistant. “Perfect. As usual.” His eyes drift to the Soldier at Chrissy’s side who hasn’t taken a seat. With an open hand he gestures to the other chair. “Please, Sergeant Barnes, you’re welcome to take a seat.”

Gliding his tongue over his teeth, the Soldier shrugs. ”I prefer to stand thanks.” His eyes drift over the man before him and then to every other person, object and possible exit in this room. Take a seat? And what, leave himself vulnerable to attack? I think not.

“As you wish.” Ross brings his attention back to the woman. “I don’t see anything here regarding Barnes.” He folds his hands together over the table. 

Chrissy’s posture is still relaxed, still professional. “As you know, when I first started with Shield, I had certain terms. Keeping records on anyone staying at my farm or anything remotely close to that sort of thing was and still is out of the question. It was made clear from the beginning that when someone showed up at my door seeking aid, or if the company placed anyone in my care, that I would not be handing over any type of files or information on that individual. I refuse to participate in anything that would destroy the trust and confidence that I’ve built with these people.”

“That might have been the case back then. But this is an entirely different situation…” Ross begins.

“I’m sorry Mr.Secretary, but no matter what the situation is...is frankly none of my concern. My contract clearly states these facts that I’ve agreed to. And I have the right to pull from the program if I feel that these standards are no longer meeting my expectations.” Chrissy’s stern. Really, Bucky’s impressed, these bigwigs don’t mean shit to this gal. 

“Mrs. Meilleur, the contract was signed by you and your husband at that time and he’s unfortunately no longer with us.” Ross informs, as if she didn’t know this. As if trying to find some sort of loophole.

“It’s Ms. Meilleur. And I’m still here, still breathing. That means the contract still stands. Now, if you have a problem with any of this, you can take it up with Mr.Stark and my lawyer. By the way, he’s also Tony’s attorney.” These people don’t intimidate her, not one bit. “I’m not changing anything. I will continue to do things the way I’ve always done them and you will not convince me otherwise.” 

“We could decide to cut the funding for this program on our end. That is within the parameters of the agreement.” The man is trying to use persuasive tactics, but they won’t work and somehow he just knows this.

“Go ahead. Do you honestly assume I haven’t managed my money in a way where I wouldn’t have a stash somewhere after all these years.” Chrissy shrugs her shoulders. “See how long Mr.Stark keeps funding any of your little projects after something like that. Mr.Secretary, we both know I won’t give in. I’m stubborn like that.”

“Ms. Meilleur…” Ross tries to start a new edge.

Clearing her throat, Chrissy’s smile fades. “And don’t even think about threatening to enter my home and remove someone against their will. I won’t stand for it and neither would Steve.” The woman raises a brow. “And if you honestly think Sergeant Barnes here would go quietly…”

“Ms. Meilleur, you have to understand what kind of liability a man like Sergeant Barnes represents. We took a risk when we …” Ross’s eyes never meet those of the man in question.

“Alright.” She cuts him mid sentence, clearly annoyed. “Let’s get a few things straight. You didn’t exactly take any risks. You sent him on missions, who was at risk then? Hmmm? Who’s lives were at stake?”

Ross sits back in his chair and doesn’t answer.

“Out of all the places James Barnes could have went to, he chose my home. This safe house. And then he helped your people whenever he could. Most of the times he was practically forced. Regardless, he cooperated each time. So don’t lecture me about risks. The only liability in any of this was if any of those missions failed. End of story.” 

Chrissy lets a small breath leave her, still aggravated. “Do you honestly think I believe you have any real concerns when it comes to my well being? To James’s safety or sanity? To the lives of the people on the Avengers? If you do, then Mr.Secretary you are clearly delusional. I understand perfectly what it is people like you want. What people in charge always want. False pretences and misguided notions of security. So do not take me for some fool. Do not offer James fictitious freedom either, he’s not your property.”

The frustrated man sighs and then accepts the forms from his assistant. “You’ve made your point.” Ross signs a few documents and hands them over to Chrissy. “At least we can be reassured that we know where Sergeant Barnes is and that we have his full cooperation when he’s fully capable. We will continue to fund the program and we will assist Mr.Stark in anything that will aid Sergeant Barnes. In return, the Sergeant’s records will remain closed and wiped for the time being and he has the liberty to either relocate to the Avengers facility or remain here. Does this sound satisfactory to you?”

“It does.” Chrissy nods, and takes the paperwork off of the table. “Now, if that’s everything.”

“It is.” Ross waves her off.

With a curt nod, Chrissy rises from her chair and leaves the room, Bucky not far from her side. “Let’s get out of here.” The woman huffs quietly.

He can’t help but be amazed by her confidence. Everything they were tossing at her, she tossed right back with more sass. All for him. Crazy stubborn woman.

* * *

They’ve been on the road for thirty minutes. Chrissy is going over the paperwork and sending copies of it to Tony and his lawyer. Bucky’s driving, eyes constantly on the rearview and side mirrors. They’re being followed, have been for a while. He’s not concerned, Shield agents, who are really doing a piss poor job of tailing them. Maybe they want to be seen. Doesn’t matter, it’s annoying him regardless. 

The muscles in his jaw flex. “We’re being followed.” 

“I know.” This info doesn’t even faze her as she continues to file through the papers. “They always do that after these type of meetings. Guess they think it’s intimidating or something. Connor never worried about it. So I never did either. They usually follow up to the property line and then keep going.”

Eyes constantly check the road and side mirrors as the Soldier continues to grip the steering wheel. He’s not worried or concerned, just vigilant as usual and a bit annoyed with this little show of harassment. 

“You didn’t have to do that. Really they should be concerned and should want follow ups and reports.”

“Yes I did.” Chrissy continues sorting and rereading the paperwork. “I signed a contract. It’s an official agreement.”

“It’s like Ross said. I’m a completely different case.” His eyes shift and he glances over in her direction. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Chrissy shuts the folder and brings her attention to her friend. “Every case, every person that has come to me has been different. It doesn’t matter how...sever, or how liable the situation is, my contract states the same for everyone. I’m not about to let them treat you any different just because they have more interest in you. End of story.”

Bucky allows a slight grin to appear, one he hopes she doesn’t notice. His eyes dart over to her quickly, stupid skirt. He shifts uneasy and continues to steer the vehicle home.

* * *

She’s been in her office for a few hours, that’s weird. When he enters the room, she’s still typing away and scanning documents. Stark’s face is on one of the screens that Bucky passes.

“Hey Barnes.” The Iron man acknowledges. “Keeping busy?”

“As usual. You still slacking?” Bucky’s joking, with this man? Yup this day has gone from odd to twilight zone weird.

“When I have the time. Chris says Ross gave you guys a hard time today. That man tends to be rather unpleasant.” Tony sighs, God he hopes this doesn’t mean more headaches for him in the future. “She also said something about you wanting Steve and I to pay you two a visit.” Tony lifts a brow. 

“Yeah.” The Soldier clears his throat and shifts his weight back and forth from each leg. “Would like to go over any recent progress and information on your current project.” Bucky looks towards the screen from under a tired brow. He can see Stark rubbing his chin, deep in thought. “And...I have a few things I’d like to discuss.” Bucky’s eyes lower. Chrissy squeezes his hand and he lets out a nervous breath. They need to know.

Intrigued, Tony raises a brow and nods. “Alright.” The man claps his hands together and then rubs them quickly. “Chris. If Barnes is in here looking around, pretending to be interested in this...means you’ve been in here a while. Call it a night. We’ll head there tomorrow. I’ll bring Rogers and probably drag Clint along as well.”

Stretching, Chrissy agrees. “Yeah, solid plan Mr.Stark.” She snickers and covers her yawn with a closed fist. 

“Lemme know if Ross or anyone else gives you a hard time.” Tony winks and this causes Chris to laugh lightly.

“I will. Get some sleep...ok?” She knows that’s asking a lot.

“Yeah...probably not.” Tony waves goodbye and signs off.

A warm hand on her shoulder as she looks up. “Come on, it’s late.” A thin line as his lips are pressed together. She pats Bucky’s hand and leaves the office.

Reaching her room, Chrissy begins looking through the drawers of her dresser and end tables. “Hmmmm.” 

Bucky’s well aware that he’s staring, she thinks it’s because of what he’s got on his mind. Logan. Ross. He’s not even really paying attention to what she’s doing. Stupid skirt. Stupid tired brain. 

“I can’t find my migraine meds.” She states, hands resting on her hips.

Shaking himself from the daze, Bucky licks his lips. “Uhm, I think it’s on the counter, in the bathroom.”

“You alright?” Chrissy grabs his hand and smiles. “You seemed a bit distracted today.”

Adjusting his posture the Soldier wipes a hand over his face. “I'm fine. Just tired I guess.”

Unconvinced, her fingers tighten their grasp. “Right...and?”

“And?” He snickers. “I don't know.”

“I see.” Chrissy tries to offer a polite smile, but knows he can see through it. The brain is a tricky area and it has her worried. Tony’s project could be beneficial or it could be other things. “Are you worried about telling them about Logan?”

The Soldier rotates his shoulders and nods. “Yeah...a little. But, I need to.” A soft exhale leaves him, nervous and anxious. “I...they need to know.” A small side grin, trying to convince himself that this is the right course. 

“It’s up to you. If you want to wait a little longer...”

“Nope.” He shakes his head. “The longer I wait, the more unsure I become.”

“I know you’re the one that pulled the trigger. But it still wasn’t your fault.” 

Bucky licks his lips and rolls his eyes. Adjusting his posture, he decides to leave her room and head for his own. “No, it was my fault.” He stops halfway down the hall and turns around. “Logan told me to own what I am, what I was. And that’s what I’m doing.” He sighs and rolls his shoulders. “I get it. You want to see the good in everyone. In me. And maybe it’s there. But there’s also a shit ton of bad Chrissy.”

“I know.” She admits without hesitating. “But that’s not you. Not really. Just like it’s not Logan. It’s a small part of you.”

“I killed them. Without giving it a second thought. Call it blindly following orders or whatever. But I did it. And I’ve done a lot worse. You have no idea. And what’s worse, I’m really good at it. That’s why it’s always had to me. I’m a proficient weapon. Period. So yeah, it’s my fault.”  
Without noticing, Chrissy’s suddenly near him, gripping his right hand again. “There’s good reason for Tony not to trust me. To not want me near you. I’m not like the other people you’ve helped in the past.” 

Bucky doesn’t pity himself or feel sorry for himself. He’s honest and living with the facts. Just like the Wolverine told him to. And if he’s being honest with himself now, he’s finding some sort of peace this way. Still having a hard time digesting everything that he’s done, but the more he admits and accepts, the more he can live with himself.

“With everything I’m remembering. The Avengers...they need to know.”

“Alright.” Chrissy smiles warmly, support and friendship. But deep down, she’s worried and he knows it. Of what SHIELD might decide to do with him. “You’re not running. And that alone says a lot about you. You’re facing this head on.” 

“Yeah...I’m just, not ready to face or tell Logan. Not yet. But I will.” A promise he made to himself in the late hours of a sleepless night. 

“I can understand that.”

* * *

The tension is thick. The fire cracks and sends a few sparks into the cool air. Barnes is still looking at the beer in between both his hands. The man lets out a long breath, shoulders slump forward. Obviously he probably feels better having that out in the air, but the guy’s scared. With good reason. Chrissy’s still gripping his forearm, her silent way of offering support.

Tony rubs a hand over his face and shakes his head. He’s not the one that’s going to break the news, this is Caps buddy, his mess as far as Stark is concerned. But the Captain just continues staring into the fire. Maybe he’s trying to find the right words, maybe he’s hoping that someone else will say something. But at the last second, Rogers makes eye contact with Tony and he sees it, the look of failure. Steve feels as though he’s let another one of his friends down. As though this is his fault. Jesus Cap.

“Buck. I’m sorry.” Rogers starts and this has Tony taking a deep breath and shaking his head. The Captain looks in the Ironman’s direction and Tony rolls his eyes, clearly not agreeing with the other man’s train of thought. “Tony, he needs to know.”

“Fine. I’m not sticking around for this. If you need me I’ll be in the shop.” Stark doesn’t miss the look of confusion that Chrissy tosses his way as he quickly leaves the area.

Raising a brow in his friend’s direction, Bucky places the beer on the ground and rubs his hands together. “What was that about?” 

Steve clears his throat and looks to Clint, who shrugs his shoulders and nods, encouraging the other man to continue. “We’ve...we’ve known about this for a while.”

“What?” Bucky’s trying to remain calm. There has to be a reason for this. Let him explain. “How long?”

“Buck.” Steve raises his hands and tries to smooth out the situation.

“How long Steve?”

“Since before you came here.” Bucky rises from his seat, and Steve can feel his muscles unintentionally flinching, reading for a fight.

“How much more? How much more do you know? Is there more I’m missing?” The man before him doesn’t answer and this aggravates him to know end. “Steve!”

“We know a lot, but not everything. And we thought it would be best for you to gain it back on your own. Banner said there was a chance that if we tossed everything at your feet right away that we could send you into some kind of shock. It might have been too much.”

“What the hell?! You think that’s what I’m worried about?!” Bucky glances over his shoulder to the woman still sitting on the bench. “What about the triggers? Is there more that can set me off?” He demands.

“As far as we know, no.”

“Have I done worse than what I know?” Bucky sees Steve shuffle his feet and rise from his seat. 

“Maybe we should take a walk. Talk about this more.” That’s a yes. 

Bucky allows himself to fall back into his spot. Every time he seems to take a few steps forward, there always seems to be something to push him back. And now, he doesn’t know what he wants to do, maybe Steve’s right, let it come back on it’s own.

“Steve, don’t you think this is something you could have at least told him you knew? Gave him the option to hear more if he wanted?” Chrissy is just as floored. It’s not like Steve to keep important information like this from people he cares about.

“We...I was under strict orders to…” Steve tries to explain.

“He thought he was doing the right thing. We all thought it was the right thing to do. Keep it hush hush until Barnes showed signs of progress or seemed ready.” Clint adds in and finishes his beer. “No one's out to sabotage your progress kid. Specially not Rogers. Now you know why Tony’s so tense.”

“I can’t believe you let me come here.” Bucky looks up at Steve. This man knows how much he cares for this woman. And how now he could never bring himself to leave her side. Had Steve said something from the beginning, maybe Bucky would have never showed up at her door step. Chrissy’s in far more danger than he ever thought. Both with him here or with him gone. When Bucky feels Chrissy grip his arm he stands. “I’ll be back later.” He smiles bleakly in her direction, knowing that she understands and heads off towards the field.

“Buck!” Steve tries to get his friend’s attention.

“He’ll be back when everyone’s asleep. He’ll be fine. I’ll talk to him later. “ Chrissy sighs and pulls her jacket in closer. “Bucky just needs time. He’ll come around and see that you were just trying to help and protect him.”

* * *

The house is quiet, but the backlight is on and Chrissy is still sitting by the fire. Looks like everyone else settled in for the night. As Bucky shifts in the shadows by the workshop, Chrissy smiles. 

“You ready to head in?” She asks while tossing more wood into the pit. “I'm good for a little longer if you want to get anything of your chest.”

The Soldier quietly makes his way next to her and takes a seat. 

“You know Steve was only trying to help. Trying to protect you in his own way.”

“Yeah. I know. But he's being reckless lately and that has me a bit concerned. I get it. I'm the same way when it comes to him. Don't think straight sometimes.” He admits and grips her knee. “I think I'm just pissed that everyone else seems to know more about me than I do. And the fact that I'm more of a risk than what I thought…”

Chrissy leans against his shoulder and shivers. It's getting colder the closer they get to December. “Steve said he'd tell you everything they know. Not everything was in the files they gave you access to. Do you think that's something you'd like to go over?”

“No. I had time to think. Maybe Banner was right. Maybe it's best for it to come back to me on it's own.” The panic attacks. The loss of sleep do to nightmares. Does he really need to add to that now? “At least for the time being.”

“So you're ok?” Chrissy adjusts her posture and waits for his answer. The man smiles in her direction and nods.

“Yeah. I'm ok.” He pushes his hair back and shakes his head. It's been a messed up day.

The woman kisses his cheek and hugs him tightly. “Alright. Well I'm gonna head in. Did you need anything?”

“Nope.” 

“Oh and by the way, I'm giving you a trim tomorrow.”

Bucky's laughing out loud as she makes her way into the house. “The hell you are!”

As the Soldier sits by the fire, he feels as though there is a set of eyes on him. He looks up at the house and expects to see Steve looming in the window, but to his surprise he doesn’t. Blue eyes search his surroundings. The fields, the forest maybe the road. Nothing. You're losing it Barnes. Paranoid much.

* * *

“Do you really need both pieces?” Tony holds the paper work of both properties in front of him. Mind and eyes scanning, calculating the acreage and whether or not this is a good decision. “I’m not saying that I disagree. The more land you have, the less likely it is for some outsider to stumble across what you got going on here. Not to mention, we can set up perimeters, just like the farm.”

“That’s the idea.” Chrissy takes a deep inhale. As they sit in the realtor’s office, papers and files spread out across the desk, Chrissy takes a moment to let it sink in. She looks over her shoulder, through the window looking into the waiting area, she spots Bucky. He’s leaning against the wall, laughing and conversing with Steve. Clint’s pouring himself another cup of coffee.

“Alright. Everything is in order.” The balding real estate agent takes a seat before them smiling. “Since everything was filled out weeks ago and your offer was accepted, the property is yours Ms.Meilleur. So you’re welcome to visit it and begin any kind of building projects you desire.”

“Thanks again Rob, you’re a lifesaver.” Chrissy reaches over the desk to shake his outstretched hand. 

“As usual Chrissy, you let me know if there’s anything else I can do.”

* * *

The Chevy is parked down at the end of the rough dirt driveway. The group of friends begin to survey the land that’s directly east of Chrissy’s farm. The other piece of land is directly west. Basically, she’s now the proud owner of three quarters of the large lake and the land that surrounds it. With a light covering of snow it doesn’t look like much now, but in her eyes it’s gorgeous.

“I’m going to have to upgrade Charlotte and plot out markers. I want it all secured. I won’t risk you wandering out here and something happening.” Tony rubs his index over a tired brow. “It’ll take some time. Well, who am I kidding. I can get it done in two weeks, maybe one if I skip sleep.” He snorts out as he tries not to get his dress shoes covered in the wet muck and snow covered dirt.

“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like. But really. I don’t see the need for you to be worrying about something like this right now.” Chrissy loops her arm in Tony’s as they continue to walk through the overgrown trail. She has a hard time not laughing when he stumbles on random rocks and loose branches that are scattered on the ground. Seriously, it’s not that bad, she’s in high heels and managing just fine.

“Really?” Tony’s eyes drift to the three men before them. “Alright, so it’s clear you won’t listen to me about...Barnes. Whatever. But there are always going to be people looking for ways to...to find a weakness when it comes to us and what we do. And then there’s the people after him. They’ll always be be looking for him. Maybe they’ll never stop.” Tony knows he doesn’t have to explain.

“I know. And being associated with you fellahs has always had its risks as wells.” Chrissy smiles up at him sadly. “You do what you have to to feel better. I won’t stop you.” The woman pats his arm and he nods in her direction.

Clint’s taking in the fresh air as he looks over the lake. “Here’s a good spot.” He smirks and glances over his shoulder. “What you think Chris?”

Wincing in the light of the sun, she shades her eyes with the palm of her hand looks over the lake that’s slowly starting to freeze. “I think you're right.” 

This spot’s perfect, it’ll be fairly easy to get to and from both her home and the road and it’s far enough in that most people wouldn’t even know that there’s building here. The perfect spot for a large log home.

“Isn’t Frank’s place just a few miles away.” Rogers points a thumb over his shoulder.

“Yeah. It’s actually closer than the farm...” Barnes is looking in the same direction as Chrissy. “Hey...you guys expecting company?” The Soldier finally gets a good look at what has caught his attention. “Stark, are those yours?” His eyes never leave the silver gleam of the eight objects heading their way.

Eyes widen with urgence. “I got nothing in the area.”

“Move!” The Captain orders. Clint is beside Rogers as they quickly make their way up the path.

“Friday tell me you got something…” Just as Tony starts issuing commands to the watch on his wrist a familiar sound is heard.

The high pitch buzz of a missile heading their way. Something hits the ground causing it to rumble and then it explodes. Bucky grabs Chrissy by the shoulders and brings her down to the ground with him. Shielding their heads with his arms as rocks, tree limbs and debris are scattered through the air. 

Another explosion and more rock and matter is sent flying through the air. Bucky continues to shield his friend with his frame. When the noise dies down, he scans the area quickly. 

“The others.” Chrissy is pushing on his chest, trying to get the man to move. 

Just as Barnes is helping the woman up, he hears a crack in the woods to his left. His head turns sharply towards the direction of the noise, but he’s not fast enough. A silver robot, looking a lot like Ironman steps forward. The robot takes a swing at Bucky, and he’s able to block the blow with his prosthetic. Shit. He hears another crack behind him and realizes his mistake. There’s a blow to his back and he’s forced back down onto his knees. Crouching over Chrissy once more.

Knowing full well that Bucky is always armed, the woman pulls the handgun out from the back his pants and lets off a few shots towards one of their opponents. The Soldier tries to stand once more, but he’s hit once again in the lower back. He grunts out more in frustration than in pain, but again and again he’s hit. The only reason he hasn’t had the chance to fight back is because if he moves, their blows will miss him but hit her. And unlike him, Chrissy wouldn’t survive the assault. 

“Back off you cheap knock offs!” Tony blasts the two wannabees with his high powered gauntlet. “Get up. Get up. We don’t have much time. That stunned them at most.”

“Get her out of here.” Bucky guides Chrissy over towards the Ironman. 

“What? We can't leave you here!” Chrissy marches forward only to be stopped in her tracks by a strong arm around her midsection. “Tony! We can't…”

“Sorry Chris, but the man's right. Gotta get you outta here so he can focus…” They are both tossed into the bushes. The back draft from the detonation nearby sends them crashing into the dirt. “Yup. Move. Move.” Stark forces himself to stand.

To her horror, Chrissy can see that Tony’s arm has caught fire. Quickly she removes her jacket and uses it to snuff out the flames. “Jesus. You ok?”

“Yeah. Fine. Just keep moving.”

A high pitch noise. Tony knows that sound better than his own voice. He pushes Chrissy to the side as the beam hits a boulder to his left, sending him and debris a good ten feet away. Ears ringing, he looks up to see that Barnes and Rogers are basically back to back, fighting as many of these tin assholes as they can. Clint is firing a few rounds in the direction of one of the Robots near Tony’s side.

“Barton!” Their eyes meet and Tony glances in Chrissy’s direction. The other man nods and lifts the woman to her feet. When another robot approaches, Chrissy takes a second to let go of a few more rounds.

“Franks!” Clint shouts over the noise of the lasers and gunshots.

* * *

Chrissy’s pacing while rubbing her exposed arms, the small tattered business shirt doing nothing to keep her warm. Frank’s out back getting more wood for the woodstove. So Clint and Chrissy continue waiting patiently in the old log home.

“I can see them.” Barton squints as he stares out the window. For some reason it seems darker out than it usually does. “Cap’s limping…” He opens the door and makes his way outside towards the other men.

Standing outside, she can see Clint lift Steve’s arm over his shoulders, relieving Bucky of at least one of the men. Tony is out cold over the Soldier’s left shoulder. Moving out of the way to let the men inside, Chrissy opens the door as wide as it can go.

As they make their way into the home, Steve drops one of the robots heads onto the coffee table. “Tony will want to look at it.” Clint’s now looking over Rogers who’s sitting on an old wooden chair, and Chrissy is helping Bucky deposit Tony onto the small sofa. 

“What happened to him?”

“Got slammed into a big tree.” Bucky checks the back of the other man’s neck and head gently. “He’s just out. Probably has a concussion…” He offers a weary smile, knowing that Chrissy can relate.

“And you?” Her hands are pushing his hair back, examining his face and skull. Her eyes scan every inch, looking for blood or anything else. She finds nothing of great concern. Just a bit of dried blood and dirt. 

A metallic hand grips her forearm. “I’m alright. Go check on Steve. I’ll make sure Stark is comfortable.”

After tending to the Captain, Chrissy takes a seat near Tony. She sighs heavily as she rakes her fingers through her knotted hair. Frank grips her shoulder gently. “I’m sorry Frank. We shouldn’t have come here.”

“That’s all right my friend. What are neighbours for hmm?” Frank claps his hands together. “You can rest here. I know it’s not much.” He winks. “But whatever you need, Franky get for you alright?” 

Chrissy grips the old man’s hand and nods her thanks. “That’s really generous but we really should…”

“Non. None of that Miss Chrissy.” Frank pats her arm thoughtfully and heads towards the stairs. “Come. I have two rooms up here. You are welcome to use them.” He offers.

“I’ll stay down here.” Barton places himself on the extra couch and stares out the window. Barnes nod in his direction and then quickly places a handgun in Clint’s hand. “Thanks man.”

Bucky lifts his shirt to reveal the other firearm tucked in his pants. “No extra clips though…” He informs.

“Just have to make every shot count if it’s needed.” Clint really hopes that it doesn’t come to that.

The Soldier heads up the stairs with the others. He sees Frank trying to convince Steve to take his room. The Captain is trying not to offend the old man, but he also doesn’t want to displace the old guy from his own bed. 

“Really it’s ok. I’m not tired. Just looking for the washroom.” Steve heads to the bathroom across the hall. 

Frank spots Bucky next. “Miss Chrissy is in my daughter’s old room. Should be enough room for you in there chum.” The old man winks and places a blanket in the Soldier’s arms. “Your friend, downstairs. He says he gonna stay up…” A quizzical look.

“Yeah.” Bucky clears his throat, not comfortable under Frank’s gaze for some odd reason. “We all don’t sleep much.”

“Alright big fella. You let ol’Frank know if you need anythin. I was trying to find some clothing for the little Miss, but it looks like I got rid of all of the girly clothing in this house when the Misses passed.”

“Oh...well thanks anyways.” A polite smile and another nod. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate the extra blankets.” Bucky turns on his heel and quietly makes his way to the last room down the hall. 

“He likes company.” Chrissy snickers as she removes bobby-pins from her hair. “Even if it’s in the middle of the night and they show up in distress…” 

Bucky places the blankets at the end of the bed and takes a seat. Exhausted, he lets himself fall onto his back. The mattress is extremely soft and his body sinks into the bed a little too easily. It feels weird, this place smells odd and this room is really girly. Flower wallpaper, pink lamp shade, soft yellow bedding.

“When did his daughter leave?” Light conversation. Why does he feel so awkward?

“Well she’s in her forties now, so probably a long time ago.” Chrissy looks up at the ceiling and sighs.

“Frank said that he tried finding you some clothes.” Bucky tries not to laugh. When he looks over at his friend, he notices that he can see a bunch of tears in her shirt, revealing parts of her bra and a lot of her skin. 

Chrissy is shaking her head, a smile spreading on her lips. “He’s such a nice guy.”

“Here.” Bucky sits up, pulls off his button up shirt and holds it out in front of her. “It’s not exactly clean, but it’s better than what you have on.”

“Oh. Thanks.” A smile of gratitude. Chrissy begins undoing what’s left of her shirt. “Uhm. I know there’s not much left to the imagination…”

Bucky shakes his head and turns quickly. “Sorry. Tired.” He can feel a blush spreading up his neck.

Chrissy slips on the large garment. “Thanks again.” She rubs her arms, trying to warm up once more. “All set.” She informs as she makes herself comfortable. “Do you think it’s safe for us to be here? For Frank to have us here?”

“No.” Bucky clears his throat. “But we don’t have any other options as of right now.” His elbows are resting on his knees as he stares out the window.

“I’m gonna sit with Tony for a bit. You really should get some rest.” Chrissy lets out a tired exhale and heads for the door.

* * *

Sitting beside Tony as he lies on the sofa, Chrissy sighs hoping that he’ll wake soon. 

“Go, get some rest.” Steve places a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll watch over him.” Chrissy looks up at him, eyes tired and shoulders slumped. “Buck’s asleep. I’m restless.” Steve’s lips form a tired grin. “Clint’s wandering around outside keeping watch.”

A small kiss is placed on Tony’s forehead and Chrissy heads for the bedroom. She finds the Soldier there, lying on his side in a the very old small bed. Dear Lord he looks drained. Pants caked in dirt, shirt torn and dried blood on his temple. She sighs and crawls in bed beside him, resting her head on his right upper arm. Instinctively he wraps his other arm around her. At least he’s warm, she shivers and tries to get as close as possible.

“You ok?” A gruff voice.

“Cold.” She hears him exhale. Bucky pulls a comforter over her frame and tucks her head under his chin. 

“Better?” Chrissy nods and covers yawn. “Sleep. You’ve been awake for two days.”

“So, you’ve been awake longer than that.”

“I’m used to it. You’re not.” He feels a quick peck being placed on his jaw. “Sleep.” He reminds sternly.

“Are you sure that you're alright? I saw the beating you took and…”

“I'm fine. Had worse.” He tries to reassure, but he's just so tired. “Just...Shhh.” He laughs lightly. “Tired.”

“Ok.”

* * *

Tony’s groaning as he begins to sip up. He sees Cap staring at him, a smirk playing on his lips. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he notices their unfamiliar surroundings. This tin man isn’t in Kansas or even Oz for that matter. Rubbing the back of his neck he stands very carefully, Tony tries to stretches the muscles in his left shoulder.

“How you feeling?” Steve asks while rubbing his hands together.

Seriously, did he just ask that? “Like I could Riverdance.” He lifts his brow annoyed.

“So who do think was behind that?” Steve lifts a brow. He knows that Tony is failing to mention something.

“Hammer. Has to be.” Tony sighs. How that dim witted asshole managed to get his hands on Tony’s design is beyond him. Obviously he had some sort of help. “Where’s everybody at?”

“Clint’s outside, watching the perimeter. Chrissy’s finally asleep.” Rogers points to the room with his thumb. “Made her get some rest...she’d been with you for hours.” Studying his friend as he roams around the small living room, Steve is trying to hide the fact that he’s concerned. “You took quite the hit. Tony are you sure you’re…”

“Oh can it. I’ll be fine.” He huffs as he stares out the window. “So are we hiding out or are we heading back to the farm? Seriously, why are we here it’s not exactly safe.”

“Yeah. We needed somewhere to bring you that was close by.” 

“Fine.” Tony clears his throat. “So how many did we take out?”

“All of them. They weren’t built all that well. Thinking that was done on purpose.”

“Right. Recon mission.” Tony sighs. He knows it’s really a message. One he understands loud and clear. “Tell me you that you managed to salvage something.”

The Captain nods and places the robotic head onto the table. “Don’t think it matters if it has any sort of tracking device. If they really wanted us, they’d be here.” Steve pushes the thing closer towards Tony. “Thought you’d want to take a look at it.”

“Aww and I didn’t get you anything.” Stark picks up the piece or charred and broken equipment and sighs. “It’s a piss poor replica.”

“It really is.” Steve agrees with an amused tone.

* * *

Home sweet home. Freshly showered and in clean pjs, Chrissy sits at the edge of her bed. Flipping through the paperwork for her new properties she tries to calculate how long it'll probably take Tony to set up everything. After yesterday, it's clear that he was right. The entirety of all of her property needs to be secure and monitored. 

There's a knock at her door as Steve clears his throat and enters her room. “Chris. Can I come in?”

“Course you can.” 

“How you doing?” The Captain pockets his hands.

Taking in a deep breath, she allows a small thin smile to appear. “I’m good. Really. Just feel like I'm wide awake. Adrenaline maybe?” 

Lifting a brow in her direction the Captain clears his throat. “Ok. But you know I’m here for you. If there’s anything bothering you.”

“I’m fine Steve. Really. Seen and been through worse.”

The man nods. “But this was close to home.” He reminds. A place where she's meant to feel safe.

“Look. This is the sort of thing that I've always been prepared for. It's expected I guess with this line of work. I'm not doing back flips because of it. But I'm not terrified to be in my home or alone if that's what you're trying to get at.”

“It is.” Steve snickers.

Chrissy licks her lips and goes back to her math equation. “Smooth.” She manages to suppresses a laugh.

“Hey I tried.”

When the massive man doesn’t make a move to leave, Chrissy looks up from her notes once more. “Is there something bothering you?” She asks, now a little more curious as to what has him so quiet. 

“I don’t know.” He admits. Steve takes a seat at the edge of the bed and rubs his knees. “Buck’s not saying much.” Steve’s worried. Maybe this is the thing to finally push his friend out the door and into hiding again. “I know that he might see this recent attack as something he brought on. Like it might be his fault in some way.” Putting the people he cares about in danger, for Bucky that’s his greatest fear come to realization. 

“Did you try talking to him?” 

The Captain nods. “Yeah. Tried to reassure him that this is something that comes with the territory and that we all know the risks. That it was probably something that would have happened eventually, regardless of him being around.”

Chrissy sighs. “And?”

“And? Nothing. He didn’t answer me. Nothing. Just kind of brushed passed me and headed for the workshop.” Rubbing his tired eyes with the palms of his hands, the Captain grunts out a bit of frustration.

Chrissy grips his shoulder and offers a reassuring smile. “Bucky’s not going anywhere. And I know that having a...conversation, regarding these kind of topics with him can be a bit, well challenging. He’s not exactly an open book.”

“How do you deal with this? I wouldn’t have the first clue of where to start.” He feels like he’s failing his friend all over again.

“Well.” Chrissy tucks a bit of hair behind her ear and laughs lightly. “Patience. Lots of it. And time. Not to mention, you need to have faith that the person will figure out things on their own sometimes. Part of the process.”

The woman places all of her notes on the end table and then pats Jake on the head. “In the end, it’s all up to the individual. With Bucky, he needs time to go over what happened on his own. He’s still learning to understand how things make him feel. I’m sure he blames himself to a certain degree. With you approaching him, I’m sure he’ll come to realize it’s as you said. He’s a smart guy, just not very vocal all the time.”

* * *

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Tony pushes himself away from the steel table. “I knew it!”

“What?” Barnes raises a brow in the other man’s direction.

“This…” Stark gestures with his hands over the remnants of the robotic head. “It’s all Hammer tech. I’d recognize this botched up patch job anywhere.” He shakes his head in disgust. “And that’s not the worse part. Turn that over.” The Ironman points to a piece of bent mental.

The Soldier visibly becomes uncomfortable. Metallic thumb traces the pattern of a symbol he knows all too well.

“Yeah. Looks like Justin made some friends while being stuck the big house.” Tony sighs. “Sorry.”

“For?” Barnes continues to stare at the metal garbage in his hand.

“The only reason they went to Hammer is because they know he wants to get his hands on my tech. Can make it work. Poorly. But…”

Bucky tosses the scraps aside. “Well it didn't work.” 

“Right. But it provided you with answers you didn't want or confirmed your suspicions.” Tony adds and the other man nods.

Barnes is chewing his lip when he pockets his hands and brings his shoulders inward. 

“You're not thinking of doing something stupid are you?” Tony asks and is rewarded with a sly grin. “Come on. You can't be that thick headed. They did this on purpose. They sent in cheap replica toys that they knew we would beat. Doesn't that strike you as odd?”

“They're just pointing out the obvious and calling us out.” The Soldier shrugs his shoulders. 

“Wait what? What do you mean us?”

“Dunno. You tell me.” The Soldier stares at the other man intently. 

The Ironman shifts and tries to think. “They wants us both caught off guard. Why?”

“Tactics, diversions. Easier to apprehend a target when they’re not paying attention to the bigger picture. Specially…”

“When you want them alive.” Tony concludes. Wait, something dawns on him. “Barf.”

“What?” The Soldier regards the other man with slight disgust. That's the last thing on his to do list. Vomiting, yeah he does enough of that.

“No. I don't want you to…” Tony inhales, annoyed with both himself and Barnes. Pinching the bridge of his nose he laughs. “It’s the name of the project…”

“Oh. You're in serious need of a better name.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I know.” Stark takes a seat and looks over the plans for Barf on his screen.

“But I get what you mean. Easier to…deal with me.” Bucky sighs. “Having you tweak it to their needs.”

“Yeah.” Tony rubs his chin. “I need to think.”

“Yeah same here.”


	15. New Foundations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N : Holy cow, I’ve been uber busy. I work on this when I can. Man, I really wish I could put these out sooner. Well, to make up for it, I try to make these chapters as long as I can without going off of the plot. I already have the next 5 to 6 chapters in the works. So hopefully I’m able to push some more out a little sooner.
> 
> Also, side note, heading to Comic Con in NYC this October with a fellow friend and writer! Can’t wait. Would love to know if anyone else is doing the same. I’ll be there for a few days. So yeah...
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest is belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 15: New Foundations **

Jesus. Tony doesn't mean anything by it, but he's staring. Barnes has just finished a workout and is now putting on his shirt. Good God, his back and ribs are colored in black and blue. In a few minutes the Soldier will head up to the house and shower. Without a limp, complaint or notion of discomfort. He turns around and his lower abdomen is just as bad.

“Thank-you.” Tony swallows hard and shakes himself from a daze. The respect he has for this man keeps growing.

As Barnes continues to button up his shirt, a quizzical look spreads across his face. “Am I supposed to know what this is about?”

Tony’s still sitting in his chair. The configuration for the new property security grid is starting to get tiresome. He drags a hand over his tired eyes. “The bruising you have. You only have it because of the beating you took. You could have easily dealt with them had you not been preoccupied with protecting another person.” He covers a yawn with a closed fist. “You didn't have to do that but you did. So you know...thanks.”

The other man is silent and this has Tony feeling a bit fidgety. “What? You're not going to say anything?” Uncomfortable under the other man's piercing glare, Stark begins to bite his lower lip. “Come on man. I'm being civil here.”

“Do you really think I would have just done nothing?” The Soldier frowns. 

Tony doesn't answer and this has Bucky taking in a deep breath. Shoulders drop and slump forward slightly as he rolls up his sleeves. Every once and awhile he's reminded of what some may think of him. Of what they might think his character is like. It's to be expected, so why is he so shocked by this?

“Well. No. Regardless of who it would have been, I'm positive you would have done the exact same thing.” Tony offers a warm smile, he’s being sincere. “But it's the fact that the person you were protecting is someone I care about and that means a great deal to me.”

“I...I get that.” Bucky can no longer meet the other man's gaze. His eyes search the floor and then slowly seek out the form of Stark once more. Embarrassed, unnerved and trying to conceal things that he knows Tony is already far too aware of.

“Look it's just nice to know that you're holding up your end of the deal.” Tony winks and returns his attention to his work. 

The Soldier takes a step forward and sucks in a small breath in between his teeth. “But you know that's not why I did it though.” 

“Course I do.” Tony looks up over the the VR screen and eyes the other man before him. “Don't hurt her. Chris has had enough pain to last a few lifetimes. She won't listen to me. She's stubborn like that. But you...you might.”

“What? I'd never do anything to…”

“Barnes. Seriously, can we stop with the beating around the bush bullshit. And don't give me that look like you don't know what I'm talking about either.“ 

The Soldier shakes his head. “I don't know…”

“Oh shut up.” The Ironman laughs. “I know what's going on in that thick skull of yours. Same thing that goes through mine when I look at Pepper.” A sad smile, he feels the other man’s pain. Understands on a certain level, maybe that’s why he’s so protective of his friend.

Barnes is quiet once more. At least he's not denying anything this time around.

“But...it seems that you're not acting on it. Don't know why. Sure, I'm a little relieved. And I said don't look at me like that.” He warns in a joking tone as he points at the other man. “Our line of work, who we are. That alone is dangerous enough for the people we care about.” Tony sighs and leans back in his chair. “Just…”

“Nothing’s going to happen.” A hushed voice as the Soldier shrugs his shoulders.

“Right.” Tony rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say pal. Whatever you say…” The Ironman mumbles and gets back to work. “Wait, while you're here…” Stark taps a pen on the table top. “Chris told me that you wanted to talk about some episode you had not long ago “

The Soldier nods. “Yeah.” He shakes his head. An episode, she would call it that. “She tell you what happened?”

“Yup.” 

Bucky sits on the stool at the opposite end of the steel table, arms folded over his chest. “Is there any news on...your project. Sorry, I can't bring myself to call it Barf.” He scoffs.

Smirking, Stark stretches out his back and rotates his shoulders. “There's been quite a bit of progress. I've tried it a few times. Ended up with a nasty migraine.”

“You did what?!” Barnes snaps.

“Relax.” Tony clears his throat. “I'm fine. Thanks for your concern sweetheart. But in all seriousness. I'm thinking it’ll be ready in January sometime.”

Why does that seem so far away? Because it's not. Not even two months away. Bucky’s palm becomes sweaty.

“But, in the end, you decide when and if you're ready. And for what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision.”

Licking his lips, Barnes nods slowly. “Thanks. For everything.”

“Pfff.” Tony waves him off. “Need a way to test my work anyways.”

Bucky knows for a fact that this man would never test anything on anyone other than himself first. This back and forth banter, just a way to cut the tension.

* * *

“As far as I can tell, everything is healing nicely.” Doctor Stevens regards Chrissy over the brim of his glasses.

Bucky pulls his shirt over his head and sighs. “See. I'm fine. We all are.”

Stevens goes over his chart and writes down a few notes. “Captain Rogers’s healing abilities are amazing. Never seen anything like it.” The doctor adjusts his glasses and continues. “Mr.Stark has a small concussion, nothing of concern. Barton has a few scrapes. And Sergeant Barnes here has a large amount of bruising and probably some minor internal injuries.” Right away he can see the worry in her eyes. 

“But Chris listen. Whatever they did to him, over all those years. It makes Barnes incredibly resilient to disease and makes his body tissue and muscles heal at an exhilarated rate. He's not as durable as Captain Rogers, but he's fairly close. Not even any broken bones.”

Chrissy lets out a small breath and visibly relaxes. “Ok. How do you know any of this?”

“Mr. Stark was kind enough to forward any medical files that might be of assistance. Apparently there’s medical equipment in that big hunk of metal that’s parked out on your field.” He removes his glasses and pockets them in his jacket. “If there was a cause for concern, I'd tell you.”

Bucky shakes the docs hand and offers what he hopes is a polite smile. “Thanks for trying to put her mind at ease.”

“Anytime.” Stevens in turn hugs Chrissy. “I'm just a phone call away. If you need anything or have any questions. Alright?” 

“Thanks.” She returns the embrace. “Tell Pierre I say hi.”

“Will do. His turn to make dinner tonight. So I better head back.” Chrissy has been to Stevens house enough times to know that Pierre is the better cook out of the two men and also the least patient. “You need to visit sometime soon.”

“Yeah. I know.” She sighs. “Dinner...soon, promise.” 

After the doctor leaves her bedroom, Chrissy marches over to Bucky and lifts his shirt midway.

“Hey. A little warning and maybe at least a drink would he nice.” He tries for humor. Even after a doctor's input she's still not satisfied. His stomach flexes and he forces down a laugh when her fingers drag over the skin of his abdomen. Goose bumps form when she reaches the sensitive, sore and tender areas. “That tickles...hey. Ow.” 

She moves to his back keeping his shirt up and continues to stare at his marked flesh. “Alright. Times up. I charge by the hour.” He pulls his shirt back down.

“You're not funny.” She crosses her arms and takes a seat on the bed. Trying to ignore the fact that she's still bothered, Chrissy stares out the window. 

“I heal fast. Promise. And it doesn't hurt as much anymore.” He takes a seat beside her. “What's really got you worked up? I've been hurt way worse than this before. So have the others.”

“I know.” Chrissy leans forward, tucking her hands further into the sleeves of her sweater. “But this time it's my fault.” She looks back at him and her face is filled with guilt. “You’re hurt because of me.”

“Alright. Listen to me you crazy woman. It was, as nuts as this sounds...psycho Robots that ambushed us and they were sent by people looking for me. Nothing to do with you.”

“But you got hurt because…”

“Enough.” Bucky tugs her close and squeezes her shoulders. “Anyone of us would do the exact same for each other. You know that.” She nods. “So stop beating yourself up over nothing.”

“You better show me those bruises everyday. I want to know that they are healing.”

“Fine.” He puffs out, pretending to be annoyed. “But if you're gonna strip me down again you better at least take me out after.”

“Yup. Time for you to go be busy.” She pushes him away gently, a smile on her face and maybe even a hint of pink in her cheeks. 

“You sure? I do have bruising in other areas you can check.” Bucky lifts his brow suggestively. Even he's finding his sense of humor a bit forward today. What's his deal?

“Right. Well you can get Steve to check that out for you.” Chrissy laughs as she ushers him from her room. “Or Clint.”

“Fine.” He rolls his eyes. “Just trying to be thorough.” Again the woman pushes on his arm and now he's in the hallway. The door shuts behind him and he's smirking. Finally, he's found some of her buttons. She's not the only one that can figure people out. Innuendos and bedroom humor make her uncomfortable, check. Easy enough.

* * *

“What the hell is that?” Bucky's referring to a transport heading down the driveway. “Chrissy?” He calls out over his shoulder into the house. 

She makes her way onto the front porch and hands Steve and Bucky a beer. “I might have ordered something to keep you occupied. You're running out of things to do.” Chrissy walks over to the driver of the truck and instructs him to place the trailer near the barn. 

“Maybe we should check out what Chris is getting you into now.” A sly smirk as Steve stands and heads down the stairs.

Chrissy tosses Bucky a set of keys as she walks past them and heads back to the house. “Let me know if you need anything.” She winks.

Staring at the keys in his hand, Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “You know anything about this?”

“Nope.” 

The two men unlock the doors to the shipping container and cough as the dust catches their lungs. When the light of day finally shines in, the two men share a confused look. Car and motorcycle parts are stacked in crates and boxes. Tires, rims and tools. Then Bucky's eyes land on a 67 Dodge Charger and an old panhead motorcycle.

“Holy shit.” Bucky makes his way to the old beat up car. He drags his fingers along the dented forest green hood and takes in a deep breath. This might just be the thing he needed. A new project. 

“She wasn't kidding.” Rogers takes a seat on the bike and it creaks in protest at the added stress of his weight. “Ouch, this one has seen better days.” His hot breath mixes with the cool air as he grimaces.

How is he ever going to repay the favor? Bucky opens the car door and it makes a noise he can only associate with lack of use. His eyes roam over the interior when he slides into the torn and stained drivers seat. 

“I think it might have been green at one point.” Steve is leaning against the car door, arms folded over each other on the passenger window. “You might have to thank her.”

“How?” Bucky brings down the visor and a set of keys fall out. He smiles at this small victory.

“I hear that the in thing is actually saying thanks.”

“Funny. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah...sorry pal. You're on your own with that one. Cause I have no idea.” The Captain snorts out a small laugh and takes a drink of his beer. “But it's a really good way to keep you busy. At least the gal has good taste.” Steve winks and tries to hide a grin. 

“Shut up.” Bucky retorts, maybe he's amused, but only a little. He places the key in the ignition and the thing doesn't turn over, no rumble, no click. Nothing. “Damnit.”

“Yup. Really, really busy.” The Captain winces pretending to feel empathy.

“Yeah. Yeah.” Bucky sighs and exits the car. He makes his way to the front of the vehicle and opens the hood. Another creak. “Right. Now I know why there's so many boxes.”

That's it, Steve’s done. Hands on his knees, he's bent over laughing. “At least she's a pretty car.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and scans the pit of nothing before him. Lots of work indeed. No engine, battery, not even any wires. But Steve is right, the outside is decent. The Soldier sighs. Is this a gift or a punishment? 

“Oh I can't wait to see how you repay the favor.” The Captain takes a seat on a crate and finishes his beer. “And when do we start work on the cabin?”

“Don't remind me.” Bucky smirks and takes in a deep breath. In all reality he's enjoying the feeling of normal everyday exhaustion and labor. It's nice and rewarding. “She's got a crew coming in soon to clear an area that Barton picked out. She was gonna hire some builders, but Stark thought it would be best for us to build it.”

“Makes sense. Tony’s designing it I gather.” A statement to which Buck nods. “Well... gives us that much more of a reason to visit more often and longer.” 

Bucky takes a seat beside his friend and the Captain grips his shoulder. “This is a nice change of pace.” 

The Soldier smirks, it really is a nice change. “As normal as we're ever gonna get.” 

“Yup.”

* * *

The guys are watching the crew clear out trees, as Chrissy pulls up in her truck. When she woke up at six, the house was quiet and she knew that they were all here. 

Tony and Steve are holding a map between the two of them. The Ironman is going over blueprints and pointing to areas near by. Chrissy rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Guaranteed that man has massive plans. As long as he doesn’t blow anything up, she doesn’t care what he does. Sure she’s the one that bought the land, but she did it for them. 

As Chrissy exits the truck and grabs everything that she brought along, she can hear footsteps behind her.

“He's got lots planned.” Bucky huffs out knowing full well that this means a ton of work on his part. “At least a few months worth.”

Chris hands him a few bags and grabs the thermoses of coffee. “You'll never be able to complain or say there's nothing to do.” She chuckles and the two friends head towards the rest of the group.

“Don't think I was ever worried about being bored.” He confesses.

“Coffee and breakfast!? Chris I love you. You know that right?” Barton grabs a thermos and hugs his friend. “I was seriously starting to run low on caffeine.”

“Wanda called. Nats gonna drop her off on her way by.” Chrissy hands the rest of the men their coffee.

Steve raises a brow and accepts the hot beverage. “Did she say where Nat was headed?”

“Nope. All she said was that she needed to get away and that she was looking forward to seeing the new land.” Chrissy rubs the palms of her hands on her jeans. “Oh, guess that means that you'll have to put some of your things in my room again sweetie.” She reminds a little too casually for Bucky's liking.

The Soldier nods and tries to ignore the look Steve is hiding poorly. 

“Alright. Well you boys have fun.” Chrissy laughs and heads for the Chevy. “I'll come by later with lunch.” Just as Clint is about to ask, Chrissy glances over her shoulder and grins. “And yes I'll bring you more coffee.”

“Thanks Chris! You're the best.”

“I know.” 

When the truck is out of sight Bucky sighs. “Shut up.” He grunts.

“Wasn't gonna say anything.” Steve blows over his mug, still trying not to smirk.

“Yeah, he feels your pain Barnes.” Barton laughs as he shoves another mouth full of his sandwich in his mouth. “Poor guy. Rogers, don't bug him. The man’s being forced out of his bed and into a pretty girl's room. It's not nice to poke fun at the misfortuned.” Clint snickers and Steve almost chokes on his coffee. 

Bucky grunts again and brings his attention back to the demolition. After the trees and rock are cleared, a massive hole for the basement and whatever else Tony has planned will be dug and the construction should start within a few days. Piping and other things will be going in. All Starks design. All off grid. Yup, lots and lots of work. According to the Ironman, his way of doing things is much faster. He is getting pretty proficient at getting structures built quickly and safely.

* * *

There's a snap of a branch. A rustle of leaves, the crunch of snow. Barnes winces and takes in a long deep breath. Tony stops dead in his tracks when the Soldier turns around and looks at him. Barnes slings the rifle over his shoulder and then quietly makes his way over to the other man. Without. Making. A sound.

“Shhh.” He reminds as he points over his shoulder with his thumb. Tony knows better, the man's hiding it well but Barnes is losing his patience.

“Sorry.” Stark raises his hands. In full borrowed camo, orange hat and vest, he looks like a first time hunter. And he is. Tony hunt? Yeah no. He prefers steak. From a store. Or a really good restaurant. Or chicken. Chicken is good. Focus.

Bucky sighs and points to a stand in the next large tree. “Take these.” He hands the man a set of binoculars. “You sit up there, quietly. And wait.”

“Really? That sounds long and cold and….”

“Shhh.” Barnes reminds amused. “You wanted to come along.”

And he really did. Tony wants to at least try to form some sort of relationship with this man. It seems important to everyone on the team that he at least tries to be civil. Especially Chrissy. That's another ball park of a reason and he knows it. So he's trying. Really trying. To his own surprise, it looks like, although annoyed, that Barnes is doing the same.

“Alright. Tree check. Quiet check.” Stark whispers. He watches as the Soldier soundlessly moves through the brush. That's creepy. Assassin, he reminds himself. That’s not comforting at all.

The Ironman climbs up the makeshift ladder and sits perched in the stand. He watches through the binoculars and suddenly realizes that he can't find that Soldier anywhere. Did Barnes just vanish and decide to leave him here as some sort of cruel joke? Tony sighs. God it's early. Didn't he only just go to bed like two hours ago? He shivers and rubs his hands together.

Continuing to look through the binoculars every once and awhile, Tony finally spots a few deer. A large buck stands at the top of a bushy hill. Tony smiles. Wow. He says internally, because speaking out loud seems to be a no no and knowing his luck, Barnes would hear him. This is peaceful. Just as Tony exhales, a shot is heard and the animal drops. 

Startled, Stark nearly drops the binoculars. “Jesus…” He spots the animal and then Barnes down at the opposite end of the field walking towards it. Tony lets out a sad breath. “You wanted to tag along. What'd did you think was gonna happen?” He mutters to himself as he makes his way down the tree. “Did you think that you and Barnes were gonna make a campfire and roast marshmallows? Hunting.” He sighs. “Yup.”

Tony makes his way towards the other man who seems to be waiting for him. “Here.” Barnes pulls a knife from some pocket or something on his side.

With wide eyes Tony regards the other man. “What? Uh, no thanks.”

The Soldier grins and then bends down. Tony can't watch. The sight of the animal dropping like a sack of potatoes was good enough. Thank-You very much. God this is barbaric. He turns his attention to the lake. “Uhm. Nice shot. Quick kill.” Tony coughs. That’s a proper hunting compliment, right?

“Always.” 

“Do you ever miss?”

Barnes laughs. “Once. Only by a few inches.” Tony winces, Furry. “Other than that it's usually on purpose and for a good reason.”

There's a few really odd slurping and ripping sounds. Tony feels a bit queasy so he takes a seat on a nearby log. “So you...uh...cutting that up into dinner for tonight?”

Another chuckle. “No.” The Ironman is suddenly relieved. “Needs to drain for a couple of days.” Drain? Oh yeah...that's nasty. Stark covers his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to keep his stomach contents down.

When Tony looks up the Soldier is standing there with the animal twisted and tied up into some weird backpack. “I don't think this is a hobby I should entertain…” Stark gulps.

“Nope.” A side grin behind a veil of hair. At least the man has the decency to not jab at him when he's down. “It's not for everyone.” The Soldier admits and clears his throat. A double meaning that Stark gets.

“Yeah…” In that moment Tony realizes something that Barnes must have already known months ago. The real reason why Shield would bother with him at all. 

He's efficient. Fast. Scary quiet. Expendable. None of this kind of stuff will ever bother him and that makes him all the more proficient. Clean up man when stuff goes really south. They want him to be at least a little more stable and cooperative, so that when a job comes up that the Avengers can't handle or stomach (or be seen doing) he'll be sent in. No questions asked. And no one will ever know. No media. No statements. No reward, except for the offer to keep breathing somewhat freely. The worse part...Barnes knows it. Accepts it. 

This is something that needs to change. The Ironman decides right there that even the Winter Soldier deserves his help. His actual help. And he'll get it. Right. Change Shield policies. Add that on the to do list.

Tony lets out a shaky breath. “We heading back?” The other man nods.

Barnes rinses his hands with a bottle of water and smirks. “Yeah. Got another one the other day. Chrissy wanted one more. Something about pies and whatever.”

“Meat pie?” Oh he's gonna be ill. “She makes it every year. Sends me home with some. Oh God…” Tony swallows hard. “All these years…”

Barnes chuckles lightly. “And you never asked what's in it? She wouldn't have lied to you.” The Soldier starts to make his way back home.

“Yeah well didn't think I had to...all these years. Bambi pie. Oh God.”

The Soldier lifts a curious brow but doesn't comment.

“Really? Bambi. It's a cartoon about a deer. He loses his mom when he's just a baby deer…”

“Fawn.” Barnes snickers.

“Sure. Yeah. Anyways. A hunter shoots his mom...sad stuff. But he has a skunk and rabbit friend...and…” Tony pushes a branch away from his face and realizes that Barnes has been staring at him this entire time. “Yeah I got no bush cred. And that doesn't help. Does it?”

“Nope.” Bucky laughs. “Do you like the pies?” The Soldier snickers once more, this is starting to become a bit comical.

“Oh God yes. I really, really do.” Tony admits sadly. “But how am I ever going to eat or enjoy it ever again if I picture…” Stark pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “The pie is a lie.”

“Well...in that case, maybe you shouldn't ask what's in any of the other meals she makes.” Barnes almost bursts out laughing when the other man's head snaps up and looks at him, terrified.

“Oh no.” He wipes his mouth. “Maybe you're right…” How will he ever eat anything here ever again? Maybe he should become a vegan or whatever. Or live solely off of smoothies. Yeah. Wait, burgers. Tony sighs again.

“Did the other animals in that cartoon have names?” The Soldier asks while turning back towards the direction of the farm, hiding his smirk.

“No. Not Thumper come on man.” Tony sighs. “Ugh. Please tell me there's no skunk.” 

With a grimace of disgust Barnes continues down the path. “That's just disgusting.” The Soldier decides to have a little fun. “Any squirrels with names?” He asks while not looking back.

Tony’s eyes widen. “You're joking right?” No answer. “Right?”

* * *

“Why did Tony ask me if I put squirrel in any of the meals I prepare?” Chrissy crosses her arms and waits for an answer. The Soldier is lying on his back in her bed. Arm folded over his eyes, his chest vibrates with light laughter. “You’re horrible.”

“Then why are you trying not to laugh?” He asks not hiding the fact that he's highly amused.

Chrissy shakes her head and pockets her hands in the back of her jeans. “Tell me you showered and changed before you decided to take a cat nap on my bed.” She snickers, but she's seriously hoping that he’s clean.

“Cat nap? I’m just hiding for a bit.” He scoffs. “As soon as someone sees me, I’m put to work.” 

“So you're clean?” Chrissy asks again. He doesn't answer so she makes her way to his side. “Well you don't reek. So I guess that’s a yes.”

“Give me a little credit.” He says with a grin. “Was always forced to be hygienic. Keeps one from getting infected and it's easier to tend to injuries if you can find them. So it's been burned into my brain as a bit of a routine.” 

“Oh.” Chrissy grimaces. The amount of times that he must of had to find a way to get clean to be able to tend to his own wounds is both sad and disturbing. As she dwells on this, fingers tugging at loose strands at the edge of her shirt, Bucky notices her quiet mood. 

The Soldier pulls her down and forces her to get comfortable by his side. “You _are_ trying to nap.” She pats his arm and laughs. The Winter Soldier, napping. Such an odd thought.

“Nope. Hiding.” He reminds with a smirk as he tugs her a bit closer. 

“Well I’ll let you hide. I’m going to be productive.” She pushes his hair out of face and sighs. “You look drained sweety. Seriously getting a bit of rest might do you some good.” She sees him nod slightly and he recovers his eyes when she leaves the bed. 

If only the rest of the world could see all of this. The big bad scary Winter Soldier napping in her bed, Captain America baking, Ironman attempting to hunt, the Scarlet Witch learning to make quilts and Hawkeye shoveling snow off of a deck. Oh yeah, these people are not even close to regular folks.

* * *

Finally it's done. Charlotte’s now has total control over all the properties. Tony spreads his hands and extends his arms. Everything that's under surveillance shows up before him in blue. This is a whole lot of acreage. 

“Alright. Let's run a full diagnosis and then I want a report showing me every type of metal, every creek, pond and possible obstacle on this grid.”

 _“This will take several hours.”_ The A.I informs. _“Might I suggest that you finally get some rest Mr.Stark.”_

“That's a solid plan.” Tony yawns. “After everything comes back with gold stars, I need to head back home. Got some things to take care of.” The broken android head on the steel counter top stares back at him like an omen. “And lots to figure out.” He stretches. “Gimme a wake up call when it’s done. I want the jet prepped as well so that I can hustle back.”

 _“Of course.”_ Charlotte agrees and the Ironman heads to bed.

* * *

The house is shaking. Chrissy and Bucky sit up quickly in bed. She looks around the room and then her eyes land on Bucky's form. It's still dark out. There's a scream down the hall. Alright, the house only feels like it’s shaking, because the pictures on the walls and the windows aren’t even rattling.

“Wanda!” Chrissy pushes the blankets off and heads for the door. It's hard to focus. Both her and Bucky are forced to use each other and the wall to keep themselves upright.

They make their way to Bucky's room and find Steve bracing himself against the door frame. “Nightmares. Need to wake her.” He informs. 

A high pitch ringing forces them all to cover their ears. The Captain continues to slowly push forward. Every footstep feels as though he's wading through wet cement. When Steve finally reaches the bed, he drops to his knees and grasps her hand. “It's just a dream.” He tries to remind. “Wanda...wake up. I'm here with you.” 

Everything continues to feel as though it’s shaking and the loud ringing becomes more piercing. Steve grinds his teeth together. Squeezing her hand he tries one more time. “Snap out of it kid!”

The shaking stops and a sigh of relief fills the room.

“Oh no. I'm so sorry…” Wanda can see all of her friends trying to stand on unsteady legs.

“It's ok.” Bucky offers a shaky smile as he helps Chrissy up. “Nothing to worry about.”

Steve takes a seat on the edge of the bed and rubs the young woman’s back. “That hasn't happened in a long time. Anything you want to talk about?”

Wanda blinks a few times and her eyes water. “Same as every other time. Stuck under the rubble and then Pietro…” She trails off and Steve hugs her.

“Sweety. Would you like a cup of tea to relax?” Chrissy offers, her voice unsteady, her eyes warm and sincere.

“Please, don't worry about me. I'm sorry if…”

“Ok tea it is. Anything else?” Chrissy chimes. The other woman doesn't answer. “Something to eat? Cinnamon bun maybe?” Wanda smiles. “A sweet tooth huh? That's good. I'll be back in a few minutes.” 

Once Chrissy and Barnes are gone, Wanda runs a hand over her mouth. “Steve...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't come here anymore, not until…”

“Don't be ridiculous. This sort of thing...it's why this place exists. If anything you need to be here.” Rogers runs a hand through his hair and clears his throat. “Buck...he's doing so much better. And it's because of being here. Chris might insist that you stay. In the end it's up to you. But you'd be in good hands. No one will ever turn you away...or be afraid of you.”

Wanda lets out a shaky breath and attempts to smile. “Thank-you.”

* * *

“You ok?” Chrissy asks as she places some loose tea-leaves in a tea ball and waits for the water in the kettle to boil. “You're really quiet.”

The Soldier leans against the counter, his head is pounding. “Tired. Headache.” He smirks and rubs the back of his neck. Chrissy tosses him a bottle of Tylenol from one of the cupboards. “Thanks...” He stares at the label and then places it on the countertop.

“You feel for her, even understand to a certain degree.” She sees him nod from the corner of her eyes. “Well maybe you can talk to her once she's up to it.” Chrissy places a cinnamon bun on a plate.

“Am I really the best person to offer any advice?” He laughs at this thought. His own mental health isn’t exactly stable.

“I think you're the perfect person to lend an ear and who could relate.” Chrissy grips his forearm trying to offer some sort of reassurance. “Might help you both.”

As Chrissy places everything on a tray, Bucky processes everything they’ve just discussed. She has a point. 

“It's late. Or early. Why don't you head back to bed.” Chrissy picks up the tray and heads upstairs, the Soldier not too far behind.

“Oh that smells wonderful.” Wanda already seems like she's feeling better. “Thank you. And again...I'm so…”

“None of that.” Chrissy rubs her hands on her hips. “Anything you need, you let me know. Steve why don't you catch some sleep. I can stay with her.”

“No. That's fine. Not tired anyways.” He grins, clearly exhausted, but something in the way he glances in Chrissy’s direction tells her that he’s done this a fair amount of times. “You two go and get some rest. Wanda will keep me company.”

* * *

Settled and drained, Bucky lets out a deep breath. His knees and hand are still shaking. Someone messing with his head, even unintentionally has him a little unnerved. He drags his metallic hand over his face and tries to calm himself.

“Hey. You doing ok?” Chrissy’s lays on her side and rests a hand on his arm. 

A deep, shaky breath leaves him. “A little rattled. I'll be fine.”

Shuffling closer, the woman rests her head on his chest. She can hear his heart hammering against his rib cage. “It's alright sweetie. Just try to relax. Deep breaths.” She can hear the oxygen slowly enter and leave his lungs. “Good.” Her hand rubs his side in a soothing pattern. “She didn't mean any of it.”

“I know. It was...unexpected and just...reminded me of…” He lets out another shaky exhale and covers his eyes with his hand. 

“I know.” Chrissy squeezes his frame. “I'm here. Keep taking deep breaths.” And he does. 

“Can you help her?” He's worried for another being, as usual and this has Chrissy smiling.

“I can try.” Chrissy clears her throat softly. “If she decides to stay here for a bit...she might have episodes like that…”

“Yeah. I know. It's ok. I'll live.” All Bucky wants is for that woman to get the help she needs. To find some sort of peace. He can understand Wanda’s longing for that. “Besides...would give you someone else to pester.” He chuckles when Chrissy slaps him playfully. 

“You're a good man. A good person.” She can hear him sigh. “I know you can sympathize with her and you want to help.”

Metallic hand rubs her back and she shuts her eyes. Energy low, she settles against her friend and yawns. “You make a great pillow. You know that right?”

“Hey!” He snickers. She knows how to cut tension. “Your fault I'm well fed.”

* * *

Although Tony left to do research back in New York and Steve was called out to assist Nat in some crazy mission, work at the farm still needs to be done. The foundation is laid, but the frame and walls needs to be put up before full blown winter hits. If they want to be able to work on the inside of the home during the cold months to come, the shell of the house needs to be finished.

“He’s up there.” Clint informs while pointing to the very top of the roof. “That peak has the nicest view.”

Chrissy shields her eyes with her palm as she looks up. Yup, Bucky's all the way up there alright. Drinking and taking a break. Why is this house so damn tall? Maybe she should have given Tony a bit of a restriction. “Jeez. How'd he get up there?”

“Climbed.” Clint snorts. “Thanks for lunch by the way.”

“You know me. Not gonna let you guys do all this work on an empty stomach.” Chrissy starts to make her way back towards the truck. “Make sure he eats.” She reminds over her shoulder.

Just as she pulls the keys from her pocket Chrissy starts to feel a tug in her gut. “What on earth?” Her feet are no longer touching the ground and she's slowly being lifted up. “Woah. Wanda. Down.” Anxiety is in her voice. Heights, yeah she's not a fan. “Please!”

“Sorry. But it really is something you should see.” Mischief in the other woman's voice as she uses great control of her powers to levitate her friend. 

“Wanda.” Chrissy warns behind grinding teeth.

“Trust me. I've done this lots of time. Clint was my practice dummy.”

“Hey!” Barton coughs out.

With a few smooth movements the Witch has her friend standing on a solid base a few floors up. Legs shaking, Chrissy finds a beam and wraps her arms around it. Don't look down. That's the key. Don't look down. She shuts her eyes and breathes out a heavily. Just wait a few minutes. She’ll get you down from here. It’s just a prank, not a funny one, but she won’t leave you up here. Breathe and don’t look down.

“Chrissy? What are you doing up here?” She doesn't need to open her eyes to know who that voice belongs to.

“Oh you know. Got bored.” Eyes still clamped shut she wills herself to stay still and not fall.

“Chrissy.” Bucky's doing his best to not laugh. “I'll pull you up here. Grab my hand.” He says gently.

“I think I'm good here thanks.” She's shaking. Is he nuts? She’s terrified, why would going up any higher be a good idea? Bucky hasn't really witnessed her being afraid of much, so this is a little amusing and a little eye opening. A reminder that she too has normal everyday fears.

“Come on. There's more room for footing up here. Open your eyes and look at me.” He's calm and patient.

She does as he instructs. Her eyes never leave his face.

“See, you're doing fine. Grab my hand. Keep your eyes on me. Ok?”

Patiently he waits. Metallic hand stretched out towards her as he lies on his belly on the above platform. “Wouldn’t get you to come up here if I thought you'd get hurt.” And she knows this to be true. “You’re scared, I know, it’s ok. But I won’t let you fall. Promise.”

She grips his hand with both of hers. With a reassuring smile, Bucky pulls her up to him. “See?” With little effort he has her up by his side. They sit together, legs dangling over the edge. All the while his arm remains wrapped around her waist securely.

Chrissy finally remembers to breathe properly. The scenery from up here really is stunning. “Woah. This is gorgeous.” She's still shaking, still clutching his arm and shirt.

There's a wind that causes a few of the beams to creak. Chrissy stiffens and the grip on his arm tightens.

“Hey, it's alright. I won't let you fall.” A warm smile and a light chuckle as he tugs her closer to his frame. “You're safe.”

“Yeah. I know.” Chrissy decides to focus of the view. The lake, the forest dusted with snow and the gorgeous sky. “I brought you lunch.” An attempt to change the subject.

“It can wait.” It’s a bit chilly, so she can see his breath in the air when he exhales lightly.

“Bucky?” Her eyes continue to gaze over the horizon. “As nice as this is…”

“You want to get back down, don't you?” He laughs gently and sees her nod nervously. “Alright.”

Bucky stands and brings her with him. She's clutching his jacket and hiding her face under his jaw. “I'm gonna lower you to that spot you were on and then I'll climb down to meet you. We’ll keep doing that until you touch the ground.” 

“Ok.” She sighs as he rubs her back. “Remind me to kill Wanda.” 

“You'll be fine. Just keep your eyes on me. Ok?”

With a quick nod she waits for him. “K. Sit here and I'll lower you down. When your feet touch I'll let go and you sit down. You won't fall. Promise.”

Just like he said, Bucky lowers her down carefully onto each platform. Each time he reminds her to keep looking up at him. And within a few minutes her shaky legs are finally on solid ground. Thank God. 

Bucky jumps down the last few feet and lands beside his friend. “See. Nothing to it.” He's forced to steady the wobbly woman. “Alright. Being up high. Not your thing.” Again he chuckles. Chrissy presses her forehead against his chest. She feels weak and disorientated. His arms wrap around her shoulders as a small laugh vibrates through him. “It's ok. Solid ground.”

“My knees won't stop shaking. But Wanda, you better run.” Chrissy grins against Bucky's shirt. 

“Steve always tells me that it's a good idea to at least try things that frighten me.” Wanda waves her off. “Besides, you’re in the company of a nice looking man. Oh yeah, I really don't feel bad.” Wanda continues to laugh as she walks down the trail to the Chev. “I can keep you company on the drive back since you’re so shook up. But I'm not sorry.”

“She's right. I'm pretty cute.” Barton rolls his shoulders and finishes his drink. “Come on Barnes. Stop your slacking. Got loads to do and you're killing daylight.”

With a slight grin the Soldier nods. “Got work to do. The foreman is already on my case.” He clears his throat and rubs her arms quick. “I'll make sure she doesn't do something like that again. Even if it was to help...and a little funny.”

“It was not.”

Wincing, Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah it was. But only a little.” He drags a bit of air between his teeth.

“You're just as bad as them.”

“Hey. I had no part in this.” Clint smirks and starts his climb up the house frame.

* * *

“Don't look at me like that.” The Witch laughs. “The view was worth it and you love being around him.”

“Hard to enjoy anything when you're terrified.” Chrissy snorts as she turns the ignition. “I’m around him all the time. Of course I enjoy his company.” 

“Uh huh.” Wanda rolls her eyes. “You know you’re fooling no one, right? I’m just a little more open to mentioning it.”

Chrissy licks her lips and chances a side glance at the other woman. “Don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe we should ask Vision to clarify that for me.” She lets a sly grin appear when she sees the Witch’s cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “Yeah, that’s right. I notice things too. Keep your trap shut and I’ll do the same.” Chrissy laughs and bites her lip.

“Can I ask you something?” Wanda turns her attention towards her friend, who doesn’t respond to her question. “I'd like to think that we are friends.”

“Aww Sweetie. Course we are. Not too many gals in our little group. So I really enjoy spending time with you when you visit.” Chrissy returns the smile that her friend is offering.

“Alright. So as your friend. Are you two...is something going on between you and James?”

Chrissy snorts. “The answer is still no sweetie.”

“Are you sure?” Wanda lifts a brow in the other woman's direction.

“Well if there is, then either of us is yet to find out about it.” Chrissy steers the truck off of the path and onto the road. “And you two?”

“Us two? I uh...no.” Wanda tucks her hands between her knees and stares out the window. “Stop changing the subject.” The Witch laughs. “Can I ask why?”

“It’s complicated, I guess.” Chrissy continues to focus on the road. “What about you two?” 

Wanda smirks and returns the same lame excuse of an answer. “It’s complicated.”

With a huff Chrissy can't help but grin. “I don’t know really. Not sure he feels the same way. And really, it’s just a bad time.”

“You’re joking right? You can’t be blind or that dense. And time? Really? That’s a dumb excuse. So you’re both just going to cruise through life, neither of you ever telling the other person anything? That’s dumb.” The Witch shakes her head, annoyed with the answer that she received. If they really are friends, Wanda was hoping she’d at least get an honest answer.

“You do realize this conversation can go both ways right?” Chrissy laughs. “And I don’t know...I just...wouldn’t it be taking advantage of him somehow?”

Wanda actually takes a moment to process this. She gets where Chrissy is coming from, but really Barnes is a grown man and he’s done some amazing progress. “You’re not his caretaker.”

“True.”

“He’s a grown man. Way older than you.” Wanda laughs. “So if you think about it, he’d be the one taking advantage of a younger woman.”

“Oh please.” Chrissy turns the truck down the driveway and sighs.

Wanda stares at her fingers as she plays with the edge of her coat. “Is it because of what he is? What he did all these years? Is that why you are afraid to start something with him?” 

Chrissy puts the truck in park. A small smile pulls at the corner of her lips. “You know...that should be something to consider. But it's just never been something my mind dwells on when it comes to him.”

“You are able to look past that and see the good...the person behind the mess.” Wanda giggles knowing her explanation has more than one meaning. Chrissy is able to do that with everyone. “So why? I'm not trying to push you in any direction. I'm just trying to make sense of it.” Maybe if Chrissy can be honest with someone else in private, she can start to be honest with herself. 

Chrissy regards her friendly sadly. “I...I guess I'm a little scared. After Connor’s death, I didn't think I would ever be able to care for someone like that again. Or even want to. And the pain...I don't know if I can go through that again. If something were to happen to him...” She stares out the window and drums her thumbs on the steering wheel.

“I see. I understand the pain of that kind of loss.” Wanda knows that in their line of work, the chances of them not coming home one day are high. She knows this, has had personal experience with it.

“Is that selfish of me or a bitch move?” Chrissy scoffs. 

“No. Not at all. What we do is important. It’s also scary and dangerous.” Wanda sighs. “It’s a lot to consider. But he’s a good man, maybe a little stubborn and old.” Wanda laughs. “But good.”

Chrissy nods slowly. “He really is. Guess I’m just scared that if we were to start something, I’d lose him.” 

The two women sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying each others company.

“Please don’t mention this to anyone, especially not Tony.” Chrissy snickers.

“Yeah. Likewise.” The two women laugh and shake hands striking a deal. “But for what it’s worth, I like the idea of you two together. He makes you happy and vice versa, that’s all I care about.”

“Thanks sweetie. But it’s never going to be a thing. So don’t put all your apples in one basket.”

* * *

Lips gently pressing against his own. What on earth? Sitting near the fire pit, he can hear a woman breathing softly. “Chrissy?” 

“So what are your plans for the day tomorrow?” She’s being far too relaxed. The Soldier glances at the fire then back at the woman by his side. Only now, they’re inside the house sitting on the couch. This seems to be normal, because she continues the conversation. 

“Clint wanted to stop by with some kittens. Not sure why. Are you alright?” The woman asks and he smiles back at her. 

“I’m fine.” She presses her lips against his again and he shuts his eyes, letting out a content breath. 

Something’s not right. Chrissy’s asleep, or at least he assumes she is. He tries to wake her by shaking her shoulder. She doesn’t react. Bucky tries to say her name, but no words leave his mouth. He takes a deep breath once more, wills himself to relax and shuts his eyes. When he opens them, he panics. He can see the Winter Soldier in full uniform standing at the side of the bed. Wait if he's sitting in the bed, how is the Asset at the side of it? What’s going on? 

Blood soaks the sheets. It’s spattered on the wall. He can hear the drops as they hit the floor. Everything is happening as if in slow motion. When he turns Chrissy over, she’s lifeless. The Winter Soldier is glaring down at them. Frozen still, Bucky watches helplessly as his other self lifts the body of the woman he loves and walks away. He's left alone in a bloodied and cold room. His soul feels as though it's leaving his body.

The Soldier sits up in bed so quickly he almost falls to the floor. Chest heaving, he wipes his hands over his face. Terrified, he chances a glance towards the other side of the bed. Chrissy’s there, curled up and sleeping peacefully. Chance is curled up by her feet purring away.

Bucky looks to the ceiling and whispers. “Thank God.”

Quietly he heads to the bathroom and washes his face in cold water. “Nightmare.” He puffs out. “She's alive. Breathe.” Another puff of air as he rinses his face once more. “God damnit.”

When he returns to the bed, he debates just staying up. Maybe head outside. However, at this moment he has the urgent need for comfort and reassurance that he's not dreaming. He crawls back into bed and hugs Chrissy close. Her back against his chest, he kisses the top of her head quickly and prays that his adrenaline will die down.

Maybe he'll stay awake all night, but this isn't so bad. As he takes in the scent of her hair, he begins to relax. Real, alive. When she starts to shiver, he squeezes her a little closer and tucks the blankets around her frame. 

It's quiet little moments like this that seem to do his being a load of good. Although still shook from that nightmare, this helps. He's not all alone and left to his imagination running wild in the dark.

Take a deep breath. Relax and enjoy this closeness. Shut your eyes and think of lighter things. Maybe you'll sleep and not even dream.

* * *

“How was your trip?” The Soldier asks as the Captain makes his way into the workshop. “Must of been important for you to up and leave in a hurry like that.” Bucky continues to tinker with the car parts before him.

Rogers clears his throat and nods. “It was good. Might actually get some information...I’ll let you know as soon as I do.” Steve takes a seat on the opposite side and starts to rummage through a random box. 

In an attempt to change the subject to something less gloomy, Bucky clears his throat and huffs out a quick breath. ”I've thought of a way to surprise Chrissy.” He regards his friend while working on the engine. “And since you owe me…”

“Wait what?” Steve passes a wrench to the other man. 

The Soldier raises a brow, serious. “After all the times I saved your ass. You owe me.”

“Wow. Thinking that far back are we?” Steve chuckles.

“Damn straight.” Bucky grunts out as he tries to figure out how he's going to fix the large V8. “Overheard her talking to Dave on the phone the other day. Every second year him and the fam head to the in-laws for Christmas in Quebec.” Bucky chews his bottom lip and tilts his head to the side. He taps the hunk of metal with the wrench. “She hasn't said anything. But I know she's pretty down about it. She likes having him and the kids here for the Holidays.”

“Alright. What's this have to do with me?” Steve takes as he leans back and begins filing through a box of engine parts.

“I already talked to Xavier. But the ...cargo needs a secure transport.” Bucky looks at Steve under a creased brow. He licks his lips and sighs. “And...I’m not ready to...Logan’s there. I can’t...not yet….but I will, eventually.” 

What the hell could need that much security? Steve has to admit, he's intrigued. “You need me and a few members to do a pickup and drop off?” 

Barnes nods. “Yup. Wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was needed.”

“Fair enough.” Steve clears his throat. “Can I ask what this cargo is? If it needs this much muscle and has you this tense...I think it's only fair you tell me what's going on…”

The Soldier takes a deep breath and cuts Steve off. “It's a kid. Ok?” Blue eyes hesitantly look up at his friend and he doesn't miss the uncertainty in Steve’s eyes. “I know. I know. Maybe this is a bad idea…”

“When's the pickup?” Steve smiles and continues searching through the boxes.

“Uh.” Bucky pushes his hair from his face. “Second week of December.”

“Alright. Barton, Wanda and myself will personally make sure that the kid makes it here safely.”

“Thanks Steve. This means a lot.”

The Captain pulls out a busted radiator from one of the boxes and sighs. “No problem Buck. I told you if you ever needed anything to just ask. I have to admit, this isn't the type of favor I thought you'd ask for.” Rogers smirks. “But I'm happy to help. It'll mean a great deal to Chris. Besides, I do owe you.”

* * *

Bucky's just leaving the washroom after having a shower. Working on the log home is a nice change of pace, but he's exhausted and has to admit that the labor helps him sleep dreamlessly. That's always welcomed. And as cold as it has been, he sure is capable of working up a sweat fairly quickly.

After four days of constant work, the frame of the large home is up. Stark said that the basement features would be added after winter. Bucky doesn't fully understand, but he didn't question it either. 

“Take your shirt off.” Chrissy puts down her book and crosses her arms. 

Sighing, Bucky tosses the towel he was using to dry his damp hair into the laundry basket. “Really? Come on. You saw yesterday. Almost done healing, no more swelling or pain either. Ugly, light greens and yellows. Remember?”

The woman continues to glare at him. She raises a brow and waits.

“Fine.” The Soldier rolls his eyes and removes his shirt. “Seriously though. You need to start paying me or at least get me a drink.” He grins.

Chrissy makes her way over to him and inspects his faded injuries. “Oh be quiet.” Fingers are gliding over his skin again. She huffs out a breath of approval. Satisfied, knowing that he's healing really quick.

A metallic hand grasps her wandering fingers. “See, solid. I'll be good as new by tomorrow. Stop worrying so much.” He can't help but laugh. “Thanks for caring though.”

Chrissy rests the side of her face on his chest and shuts her eyes for a brief moment. Heart beating away and long deep breaths, she could never tire of those two sounds. Her arms snake around his sides and hug him gently. At least she feels better now. Bucky doesn't flinch when she touches him and he's actually healing and not faking it for her benefit. 

When Bucky clears his throat, she's reminded of his current partial lack of clothing. The feeling of content is replaced with embarrassment. “Sorry.” She coughs.

“For?” The Soldier looks down at her slightly confused. “Happy to see that you're not as worried. But I'm beat…” His eyes drift to the bed. “You can hug me all you want anytime.” He snickers, there's no tone of disapproval in his voice. “Doesn't bother me one bit. I'm kind of used to it by now. Just...I could really use some sleep.” 

Chrissy pulls away and Bucky puts his shirt back on. Once they're comfortable and in bed, Chris pats Jake on the head and turns off her lamp. Chance curls up at the end of the bed and everything is quiet.

An arm slips under her shoulders and pulls her close. “There. Now I can sleep and you can hug me all you want.” He laughs lightly and then yawns. 

“Sleep sweetie.” Chrissy traces patterns on his shirt with her index. It takes literally seconds and he's already sound asleep. Having him this close or even in her bed is starting to feel alarmingly too normal and routine. Is that a bad thing? She lets out a small breath and looks up at his face. He's sleeping so well. 

And Bucky, what's his deal lately? Not that she's complaining. But he seems more comfortable around her and everyone else lately. Comfortable in a way that has him joking and being more himself. So that's not bad. But he's also more open about their close friendship as well, even in front of people. 

Should she pull away a little, or would that do damage? Look at the position you've put yourself in woman. The back of her fingers graze lightly against his jaw. She smiles when he leans into her touch, still fast asleep. Sweet man. Chrissy sighs and rests against him.

She's so screwed. 

It's painfully obvious that he won't be staying here forever. Even though the offer for him to stay as long as he likes is there. Steve has made it clear that he would prefer for Bucky to be in New York. Who is she to get in the way of any of that or their friendship? So where could something between the two of them ever go? 

Nowhere. You'd only hurt him in the end. Or make it harder for him to make the right choices. So keep your mouth shut.

Her heart feels as though it's sinking. She sniffs back her pain and just tries to let herself enjoy the fact that he's here right now. 

Sleep, she reminds herself. 

His arm flexes around her shoulders and he turns briskly. A small whimper escapes him. There's sweat building on his forehead. Chrissy’s brow knits with concern.

“Shhh.” She hushes him and pushes his damp hair back. Another whimper. “Bucky you're dreaming.” She tries to remind. “You're safe.” 

His eyes open for a few seconds. He's a bit confused. Bucky's gaze lands on the familiar sight of her face and a small smile shows up when he realizes where he is. He hugs her tightly and goes back to sleep.

“Seriously. What am I gonna do with you?” She whispers against his chest not expecting an answer.

“Keep me company and don't forget to feed me.” He yawns.

Chrissy giggles and then shuts her eyes. Is that all he ever thinks about, food?


	16. Chapter 16: Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don’t know if any of you have noticed this by now, but every time I post a ‘happy-go-lucky’ chapter, I have to follow up with something a bit, well, gloomy. Gotta keep the scales even I guess. Hahaha. And, well, it’s fun. Seriously, though.
> 
> I need to thank all of the people who constantly read or review or just plain like this fic. It’s nice to know that I don’t write for just myself, although I’m greedy and that’s my main reason. But my second and honestly, my most important to post any of this publicly is all of you. If you didn’t read it, I wouldn’t share. I write for me, post for you and I’m always overwhelmed that anyone even bothers to take the time to glance at anything. Still boggles my mind.
> 
> Anyways, sentimental crap is over lol, here’s the next chapter.
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 16: Hurt **

Deep breath. In and out. His chest heaves. Sitting up in bed in the dark. Breathe. It was kind of Jake to wake him. “Good dog.” A shaky exhale. Bucky wipes the sweat from his brow. Stomach upset, he fights the urge to retch. Just a nightmare. Well it’s more then that, a memory. You were a passenger, this body, this form, was just a vessel for a horrible long ass ride. Breathe jackass. His legs swing over the side of the bed and his feet meet the chilled hardwood flooring. He really should restock that woodstove. Gripping the edge of the mattress Bucky focuses on the view outside the window. Snow, twilight, cool and calm skies. Breathe. That’s it. Just like she showed you.

“Sweetie?” Chrissy stirs beside him. She doesn’t turn on a lamp and doesn’t move too quickly. She knows him well by now. A small soft touch on his left shoulder blade, enough for reassurance and a way to elicit a reaction without too much repercussion. “Wanna talk about it?”

The Soldier doesn’t answer, so the woman sits up and places her chin on his shoulder. Skin a bit clammy and warm she notices. Breathing a bit forced and sporadic. “That bad huh?” She lets out a sigh. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s been awhile since you’ve thrown up after an episode like this.”

Huh. That’s something. She’s right. “What do you think it means?”

Her fingers are pressing and prying against tired muscles and aches. A groan escapes him when she reaches the base of his neck. “Dunno really. Maybe your mind is slowly healing. Maybe you’re beginning to find a way to cope with everything. Or maybe, you’re just learning to accept it all and move on.”

“Maybe.” A tired smirk. One can only hope it’s any of these. “I remember, a bit…”

Patiently she waits for him to continue. Thumb pressing soothing circles along the scarred flesh by his left shoulder. His form shutters and then his chest expands with a deep breath. “I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.” 

He clears his throat and tries to offer a polite smile in the darkened room. Bucky’s fingers open and close to form a fist. Then he drops his hand and lets it rest on her knee. He can still feel her fingers, easing away the tension in his shoulders. “I was awake.” He informs quietly. “When they…” He motions with his chin towards his prosthetic. “For some reason I thought I had been out cold when that happened. Don't know why I was kept awake. You would think that would have made more sense. Wouldn’t that have been easier for them, if I would have been more compliant?” The Soldier snickers knowing all too well that he was anything but submissive, at first anyways. 

The metallic grip on her knee tightens slightly. “Oh sweetie. I’m so sorry.” Chrissy wraps her hand over top of his. She squeezes the metal fingers beneath her touch.

“It’s alright.” He clears his throat once more. Even in the dark she can see that toothy grin. “I got even...more than a few times.” The Soldier chuckles. “Idiots. Took them a while to learn of a way to put me under so that I wouldn’t cause such a fuss.” Another laugh. Yeah that’s right. He put up a fight.

“You ok?” Chrissy pushes his hair back behind his ear and studies what features she can see. 

Metallic thumb rubs gently over the skin of her knee. “Yeah, I think so. Just a hell of a thing to remember. That’s all.” Bucky shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

 

“Can I ask you something a little sensitive?” 

The Soldier turns in her direction and now she can see his face. The light of the clear sky and bright moon is helping her with being able to judge his reaction a little better. “Sure.”

“When you remember these memories...or have these, dreams. If it’s a time where you were injured...do you recall the pain? As if you are actually reliving it once more?” Chrissy grips his hand and awaits his answer.

“Sometimes.” He admits with a shrug of his shoulders. “Not always, but sometimes.”

No wonder he’s so traumatized after these episodes. It’s not just the memory or the sights that he’s being forced to relive. It’s everything. Chrissy brings a hand to her mouth to cover a small gasp that leaves her unintentionally. “Oh...God. Bucky. Jesus.”

“You religious all of a sudden?” He snickers, gaze falling to his lap as he eyes her from under his brow. He’s trying for humor. This is awkward. She wasn’t expecting that answer, or her own reaction. “Please don’t look at me like that. Even in the dark. I can see your eyes.” He frowns and bites his inner cheek. He doesn’t want pity. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” She shakes her head slightly and presses her lips together. This is one of the many reasons as to why he doesn’t wish to share this type of stuff with anyone. “You’re strong, not just physically. You know that right?”

He laughs and leans the back of his head against the wall. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I can bench a pretty hefty number…”

“You know what I mean.” Chrissy’s stern. “Few would be able to survive what you went through. What you’re still going through and dealing with.”

“Steve could.” He says without giving it any thought.

“Maybe you’re right. But that should tell you something.” Chrissy sighs. “You don’t see it. I know. But I do. You and Steve. One of the few. Sweetie, you’re just as strong, just as stubborn.” She laughs. 

Bucky’s eyes widen at this. She’s comparing him to a man he regards with great esteem. A man he aspires to be like, if only a little. She’s mistaken he decides. He brushes off her kind words with a gruff grunt and he can hear her giggle.

“You’re far too hard on yourself. I understand why. But just so you know…” She places her palm over the center of his chest. And he’s surprised and a bit thrown back when she presses a little harder. The Soldier glances down at her hand and then up at her face. Her eyes stare back at him, warm, loving and thoughtful. “You’re so strong. And your heart, it’s in the right place. Where and when it counts. Where it matters. They never took that away from you. Only hid it. This right here is you. No one can ever strip that away.” Chrissy leans forward and places a warm kiss on his forehead. 

“Thanks.” A whispers that leaves his trembling lips. How she can always manage to see that much good in him, he’ll never know or understand. Whenever he seems to need more of a reason to push forward, more strength to carry on, Chrissy always seems to sense it and offer as much support as she can without hesitation. 

Chrissy lies back down and he follows. Fingers combing through his hair as she waits for him to fall asleep.

* * *

Clint stares up at clouds. Even for late autumn it's chilly out. That's fine. Makes working on this new home a little easier. Now that the framework is up and almost all of the walls, logs will slowly be added to give the entire thing a cabin feel. A large, expensive, cabin. Barton laughs and wipes his hands.

If people only knew what was actually being built here. Looks like an ordinary big ass log home. Good, that's the appeal they are going for. Also, it's nice to have a bunch of super powered friends working on this. Makes all the tough jobs not so hard. Also, having a billionaire as a buddy helps. Oh and Chrissy, the bringer of coffee and goodies.

Hawkeye looks down at the Blue prints, clears his throat and starts on his second cup of coffee. “Barnes, if we get this part finished today Wanda can help us with the logs tomorrow.” Shielding his eyes with his hand as he looks up towards the second story he can see the other man crouching on a beam and giving him a thumbs up.

They don't talk much. The little bit that they do is friendly banter and plans for advancing their work. The man seems decent enough. Has a sense of humor and a demeanor that Clint enjoys. He doesn't complain and plows through any amount of work set before him. That's a quality that Barton appreciates. 

The hours pass by and soon the sun is setting. They're packing up for the evening when the Chevy pulls down the makeshift driveway.

“Chris is here.” Barton covers the large equipment with a tarp and then picks up the tool box. “God I'm starving.” He chuckles knowing full well that she'll have a large dinner made up just for the four of them. “Hey Chris.” He smirks as her window rolls down. “Tell me supper is almost ready.”

“Wanda’s just waiting on the bread.” She winks. Homemade bread, Clint’s favorite and she knows it. 

“You're too good to me.” He pats the side of the truck. “Barnes! Let's go man. I'm starving.” Clint tosses his gear in the back of the truck and hops into the back seat. 

“Nat called. They're back safely. She said she'll call you later and that Steve has a few things he wants to run by you boys.” Her eyes look back at him through the rear view mirror. 

Clint nods and then rests the back of his head on the seat. “Tell that man of yours to move it.” Hawkeye winces, whoops. “He listens to you.” Just as he shuts his eyes, the passenger door opens and shuts. “Took you long enough.” 

“You'd swear that he's the cranky old man.” Bucky snickers. 

“Steve has some stuff to run by us later. Guess they found something.” Clint clears his throat.

The truck is put into drive and heads back home. “They're all ok.” Chrissy adds to the conversation knowing that was the next thing that Bucky would have inquired about. “Nat sounded a bit relieved. So that's a good sign I guess.”

Bucky's chewing his inner cheek, pondering what they must have found. 

“If it was something serious or needing to be dealt with now, we'd know about it. Don't beat yourself up over it Barnes.” Clint adds. “Cap would have showed up or called us all out had it been a now type of deal. So chill.” Clint winces again realizing that using the term chill with either of these super soldiers may be a bit insensitive. They've chilled enough.

“Yeah.” The Soldier knows that in the end Barton’s right.

* * *

When dinner's finished, the two women insist on having the men go relax, Clint and Bucky decide to contact Steve in Chrissy’s office. 

Barton’s sitting in the office chair as Barnes looms from behind him. They both stare at the black monitor as they wait for the other end of the call to be answered. The vibe in the room is tense. Something just feels off and they can both sense it.

“Hey fellas. Nat’s gonna send copies of everything we found. Probably by tomorrow. There's no rush right now. Take your time and go over the files. Buck, any input you can provide…” The Captain shifts on the screen, something’s bothering him, something he’s leaving unspoken.

“We'll go through it.” The Soldier reassures and crosses his arms. “Everyone's ok?”

“Yeah we're good.” Rogers runs a hand through his hair as he shifts his posture. “Just exhausted. How's the build coming along?” A subtle change of topic, Steve knows that the other two men notice and is thankful they don’t question anything any further.

“It's big. Tell Stark he sucks.” Clint raises a brow. “What aren't you telling us man?” The elephant in the room and he has no problem pointing it out. “Cap, you're too relaxed. To the point where I know you're faking it.”

Steve smirks. “Just look at everything when you get it.” His way of letting them know that he doesn’t trust this form of communication. “For now, enjoy the down time. I'm heading out. Got...plans.” Rogers is now avoiding eye contact. The edge of his desk seems to catch his attention, he drags a hand along it and adjusts a few papers on the corner.

“What? Like with a girl kind of plans?” Clint grins and looks up at Barnes. “Hey. Steve's got a woman and he's been holding out on any info. What gives man?”

“I...no. It's, well…” He's becoming flustered. Lying is not his forte. “It’s not like that. We’re not like that…”

Barnes is having a hard time not laughing. Captain America at a loss for words. This is great, and a little humbling. Deep down, at the end of the day, they’re all the same. Human. “So you're going out? You going home after or…?” Bucky raises a brow, eyes filled with amused curiosity.

“What? Yeah. I mean...I'll be going home alone. I…” Rogers grunts out frustrated. The other two men are chuckling. “Buck, you know my rooms not occupied. You or Wanda could be using it.” Steve shrugs his shoulders. “No reason for it to be empty. Right?”

“Oh that's low.” Clint coughs out against his fist. 

Bucky tries to hide his grin and fails miserably. “Right. Time for you to go look presentable.” The Soldier runs his tongue along his teeth and leaves the room.

Clint snorts and shakes his head. “Thanks man. Now he's gonna be all pissy the rest of the night and I’ll have to deal with it.” He exhales loudly. 

“Hey. You can't tell me you weren't dying to say something.” Steve laughs and stretches his back.

Barton nods. “I'm just not as brave as you. Man has it bad for the woman. Who am I to poke an already tense and angry bear.”

* * *

A fire roaring, crisp cool air, the ground covered lightly in fresh snow. Hawkeye takes in a large relaxed breath as he carries a case of Sleeman out from the house. Barnes is already sitting back in one of the wooden chairs. Looks like he’s either brooding, tired or deep in thought. Or all of the above. Whatever. Either way, he always has that look. That don’t piss me off or I’ll rip you apart look.

“Here.” Clint hands the other man a beer. “We should have those files in the morning. So it doesn't look like we’re gonna be working at the sight for a little while.”

“Nope.” Bucky agrees with a puff of breath. “Never a moment's peace.” He stares into the flames. 

“Till then. Let's just try to relax.” 

The Soldier takes in a deep breath and nods in agreement. “Hey. Everything alright?” Chrissy squeezes his shoulder and then sits down beside him. “You boys look like you were having a serious conversation.” 

“Nah. Just a little tired. And you know...wondering what Nat is sending here tomorrow.” Clint adds a few logs to the fire. “Has us both a little tense.”

Wanda takes a seat in one of the muskoka chairs and stretches out her legs. “So tomorrow is going to be a research day of sorts.” She grunts. How she hates staring at all that depressing garbage.

“Yeah. Of sorts.” Barton sighs. “I vote we get drunk.” Everyone regards him with an odd look. “Alright. Me and Barnes will drink, I'll get drunk...yeah that does sound like a shit idea.” Clint snickers.

A case of beer later and the fire is now just a few hot embers. Chrissy and Wanda call it a night and head inside. Once Clint notices that all the lights upstairs are turned off, he decides to tackle something and he’s not too certain it’s his best idea.

“Listen. Barnes. I know Steve isn't the best person to talk to about…” His eyes drift to the home. Clint clears his throat clearly uncomfortable with where this conversation is headed. “What are you gonna do about...well…” He gestures with his chin towards the upstairs window and takes a long drink of his beer.

The Soldier’s brow creases with annoyance. Why does someone always have to bring that up? He sighs and rubs his palms on his thighs. “Nothing. So leave it alone.” He warns sternly, takes a drink and ignores the looks the other man is sending his way.

Barton shakes his head. “Stubborn idiot.”

“Jackass.” Barnes smirks. 

Clint’s uncomfortable and frankly just doesn't want to piss this man off. Bad idea. But no other guy is actually taking a second to talk to this man seriously. Stark has probably warned or threatened him, Rogers probably just gave him a nudge, but not a helpful one and Sam probably offers friendly chit chat here and there. But there’s never really been any guy to guy advice. Pointers. Someone to lay it all out on the table with. And haven't they come to understand one another fairly well? Barton sighs. He’s getting too old for this shit.

“I don't want to push.” He lifts his hands in a mild attempt at seeming harmless. “Hell I don't even really want talk about this.”

“So don’t.” Barnes grunts out and continues to avert his gaze.

“But someone needs to say something.” Hawkeye’s shoulders drop as he relaxes. The other man isn't tearing his arms off just yet, so that's a good start. Barnes glares at Clint from where he’s seated, that's not very comforting. “Come on man. I’m just offering some friendly advice here. No judgement and I’m not going to point my finger at you and deliver a warning or anything like that. But...You need to do something. In either direction. And you know what I’m talking about. Don’t make me come right out and say it. It’s not very manly.” He scoffs. 

The man's been frozen in cryo off and on with little to know friendly contact or conversation. Does he even know or remember the very basics of forming a serious partnership with someone? 

“Whatever way you decide to go is fine with me. I love Chris like a sister. You're an alright guy. So if it means anything, I’m good with it. We all have our demons, some more then others. So yeah, I get your hesitation. But you need to choose a direction. It's not fair to either of you.”

Bucky straightens his posture and returns his gaze to the fire. “I know.” He chews his lower lip and shifts his feet in the snow covered ground. 

“Chris won't ever say anything or be the one to start anything. Just not her way. More than likely, she just wants to see you happy. She just wants everyone to be happy. But she always forgets about number one. And I'm assuming you're just as thick headed. But come on. Steve had a point.” Clint opens another beer and shakes his head. “If you go back in there and share the same bed…” He sees the other man become annoyed. “Just hear me out would you? It's nothing physical with you two. Not yet. Doesn't matter. Trust me I know. I get it. Been through a similar situation myself. But it's there. You know it.” Barnes is still staring at the coals. “But tell yourself this. If you can't bring yourself to find a reason to not sleep in the same bed tonight. There's a reason. So then you're moving forward. If you end up in Rogers room. Then you're not. Simple. No need for inner debates or awkward conversations.”

Bucky exhales loudly. Simple. Right. He’s been trying to do what he considers the right thing for months now and it’s not working. Friends don't sleep in the same bed all the time. Not the way they do. They don't embrace and touch each other the way they do either. It started out as comfort and protection. Two people caring for each other in their time of need. But now it's much more than that and much more complicated. They both have their reasons for keeping a certain amount of distance. And both are valid. But if two people care for each other the way that they do, isn’t that enough? 

If Bucky was ever forced to have to leave, for her safety. For any of them. He'd do it. Up and leave. No long drawn out farewells and no trace. He’d have a hard time with it, but Bucky knows he’d do it. If he starts something on a more serious note with her, would he be able to do the right thing if he had to? Somehow he knows he would be able to. Would hurt like hell. But he'd do the right thing and hurt both of them in the process.

Better to have loved and loss? Such a dumb saying. Where did he hear that before? Bucky doesn’t remember but decides right away that it’s a stupid saying. The Soldier takes in a shaky breath. This entire situation hurts his brain. It’s the type of complicated he’s not proficient in.

Clint lets a sly grin appear. “Dude. You're sleeping in her room tonight, aren't you?” The other man squirms under his watchful eye. Barton laughs out loudly, hand gripping the jacket over his own chest. “You're screwed. Whatever you got stuck in your brain that this is. You're wrong.” Barton continues his banter. “Honestly. Would it be so bad?”

Bucky grunts and drinks the rest of his beer. “Dunno what you're talking about.”

“Liar. And you're bad at it.” Clint snorts. “Look. I have her best interest in mind. Fuck what Stark or Rogers thinks. Fuck what the rest of the world thinks. All I care about is Chris being happy. That’s it. If you wanna step up to that responsibility, then I’ll pat you on the back and shake your hand. You wanna step aside, that’s fine too. But remember, someone else might try to fill that void one day. Can you deal with that?”

This is something that Steve had mentioned before as well. Bucky sucks some air in between his teeth, he really doesn’t like the thought of that. Some other guy lying in her bed, holding her close, touching her. His jaw flexes as his teeth grind out his aggravation. 

“Yup. That’s what I thought. Struck a nerve didn’t I?” Clint continues to smile and laugh quietly. 

The Soldier exhales and leans back in his chair. It’s becoming more and more obvious to everyone around them exactly how much he cares for this woman. Doesn’t matter. None of their business really. Or is it? Technically they’re her family. People just looking out for her. Just like Steve does for him.

“When I was…” Clint sighs and his shoulders drop. There's only one way he can think of to demonstrate that he understands where Barnes is coming from. He's been in a similar situation before. Self loathing, doubt and not wanting to taint the people around him. “Going through some dark times of my own.” He admits while looking over towards the other man. Fucking Loki. “I was having a hard time accepting what had been done to me. What I had been forced to do.” 

Barton clears his throat. Dark times indeed. The grief and guilt he had felt. The things he did to himself after that. Shake it off. “I’ve known Chrissy for a long time. But as soon as…” Clint licks his lips and grips his knee. Unable to verbally confess what it was that he almost did. It was a moment of weakness, something he’s embarrassed to admit that had even crossed his mind. That was a long time ago. “She called Rogers and forced him to bring me here. This place, Chrissy. Saved my life.”

Bucky peels the label off of the bottle in his hands. He’s paying attention to the other man’s words, but they are really hitting home hard and he’s trying to make sure it doesn’t show in his body language. 

“I’ll never be able to put in words what I owe her. How much she herself and what she did for me means. I love that woman.” Clint sniffs, sentimental. “So I’m telling you. Man to man. As her friend. Brother. And protector. I’m ok with the idea of you two together.” Clint can see that he now has the other man’s full attention. “I know about your past. But I also know about a lot of things you didn’t do. The things that matter. The things I’m sure you were...reprimanded for. I’m honored to be working with you and to call you my friend. And I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”

“I…” Bucky blinks, slightly taken aback. “Thank-you.” He rubs the back of his neck, not really knowing what to say or do. “That means a lot.” He’s never really had anyone other than Chrissy or Steve say something that struck his heart strings. 

“I just want to see her happy again. She smiles the brightest I’ve seen in a long time when she’s around you. That’s rare and warms this old guy's heart.” Clint places his empty bottle into the box. “I have this feeling that the reason you’re taking forever to make up your mind about all this is because you’re a forever or never type of man. And you wanna make the right choice. That’s fine.” Clint stands and stretches his arms and back. “Right. I’m done with this sappy ass crap. I promise to never bring it up again, so long as I see that you’ve made up your mind.” Barton grasps Barnes shoulder and then heads into the home.

“Deal.” The Soldier snickers.

By the end of the night, Bucky's sitting at the edge of Chrissy’s bed. Wondering what the fuck he's doing. He lets out a quiet breath, looks over her sleeping silhouette and drops his shoulders. Defeated. Jesus when did he become so weak? He lies down beside her and wraps an arm around her waist. Guess he has to do something at some point. No one said it had to be right away. Another breath is released as he places at light kiss on her shoulder and settles behind her. He decides that he's giving Barton a hard time for at least a week. He grins as he thinks of a few ways to cause the other man some aggravation. Yup this'll be fun.

But Damnit. Both Clint and Steve are right. Weak. Bucky sighs. He won't talk to her about this, not really, but guess he'll have to do something. Show her somehow, maybe? In all reality is he ever going anywhere? Highly unlikely. So what to do about this now? How to proceed? Not like he had any training in this area.

The woman shifts in his arms. He takes in a long breath. Yup. He's gotta do something. Girls like flowers, right? Wait it's fall, almost winter. Does Chrissy even like flowers? She doesn't seem like the type. He's definitely not the type to go get any either. He laughs quietly to himself. Was James a guy that took women out and did all that fancy dating crap? Somehow he thinks maybe he did, to some degree. So that must mean he was good at this sort of thing at some point. Right? Ugh. 

As he chews at his inner lip Bucky realizes something hilarious. The Winter Soldier is lying in bed, next to a woman, terrified beyond words of telling her any of...this. And he's contemplating picking a floral arrangement. Yeah he hates Clint. He grins. He continues to think of different options throughout the night. He's not just gonna come out and say anything. He'll ease into it. Maybe it'll take a few weeks, or months. Until then he can do little things here and there. Isn't there a word for that?

“Courting?” He whispers and decides that word feels funny in his mouth. Ridiculous word, sounds old and well not right. Bucky rolls his eyes. God he’s old. Of sorts.

Chrissy turns onto her side. Bucky smiles down at her. He decides maybe he can do something that's a little out of character, it's for her so maybe it's justified.

* * *

It's early morning. Chrissy opens her eyes. She should start making breakfast, they're all gonna have a long day. She checks the clock on the night stand. 6 am. Yuck. She rolls over and notices that Bucky's not in bed. Did he even sleep? She looks around the room and notices something at the foot of the mattress. 

“What on earth?” She sits up and rubs her eyes with her palms. A small bundle. Fall leaves, feathers, branches and a few different wild flowers all tied up together and left for her to find. She smiles fondly at the thoughtful gift. Chrissy finds a decorative vase in her room and places the arrangement in it. After a hot shower she heads down to her kitchen to find Bucky cooking and making coffee. She places the vase on the dinning table and grins at this odd sight from the doorway.

“Alright. What's going on? Is something bad happening?” She asks as he places a hot mug of coffee for her on the counter. “Wait...what did you break?”

The Soldier smirks and continues working. “I can cook, you know.” He scoffs. “You’re just way better at it.” 

Chrissy wraps her hands around his arm and places a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for the gift you left on the bed. I put them in in a vase on the table.”

Cheeks seem to heat up as he continues to focus on his task. “You're welcome.” He clears his throat. “You were sleeping well. I was tossing all night. Got up early, went for a walk.” 

“I see.” She squeezes his arm. “Need me to help with anything?” Chrissy offers as she sips on her hot drink.

“Nope. Everything is under control.” He grins over his shoulder.

“Alright. So you're saying I should enjoy this because it won't happen often.” Chrissy tucks her sweater in around her frame. The Soldier nods and then side checks her with his hip gently.

“Out.” He ushers amused.

Chrissy decides to sit out on the deck and wait for him to call her in. The door opens and Wanda takes a seat beside her. “This is a change.” The Witch laughs. 

“I'll take it.” Chrissy relaxes.

“Saw your pretty centerpiece.” Wanda lifts a brow amused. “And now he's making breakfast. That’s a keeper.” 

Chrissy shrugs her shoulders. “He can be really sweet when he wants to.”

“Uh huh.” Wanda smiles. “Nothing at all to do with him trying to impress you.”

“I'm still trying to figure out if he broke anything. Haven't checked my truck yet.” Chrissy snickers. Wanda licks her lips and sighs. “What? He can't be pleasant without it meaning something?” Chrissy giggles.

“We are talking about the same guy right?” Wanda raises a brow. “Christine, he jokes, laughs and smiles quite a bit. But he doesn't exactly go out of his way to be all domestic just because.”

“True. But he has done other things that were thoughtful.” Chrissy stares at the lake that's slowly freezing. 

“Well yeah. Because he wants to see you happy.” Wanda points out. “He's a nice guy. Tries to get almost anyone to smile.” She sees Chrissy nod. “But he struggles with keeping his feelings for you at bay. Can sense and see it. When I catch him looking your way, he becomes all embarrassed. As if he's doing something wrong. It's kind of endearing. The way he looks at you.” She smiles warmly. 

The patio door slides open and Clint sticks his head out. “Breakfast. Come on. Barnes said I can't eat till you two are in here.”

* * *

They’ve been in the living room for most of the afternoon. Going over the folders Nat sent. Comparing journals to notes on the SHIELD database. Tired, spent and frustrated, the Soldier leans back into the sofa. Hands pushing his hair back from his face as he lets out an exasperated exhale. He just can’t seem to remember anything relevant or important. There’s lots here. Encrypted files on flash drives. Maps and notes in several different languages. Mug shots. Blue prints. It just doesn’t seem to end.

“I think it’s time you all take a break.” Chrissy’s palms are squeezing Bucky’s shoulders, thumbs rubbing at his neck muscles. “You’re going to drive yourself mad.” Chrissy knows why they have to do this. Work long and hard. Regardless, they still need rest.

“Maybe you’re right.” He pats the top of one of her hands.

Overlooking the mess of paperwork before her, Chrissy decides to head into the kitchen. “I’m starving...how about I make…” Her fingers are on her now sweaty forehead. 

“Christine?” She can hear the concern in Wanda’s voice as she rises from the chair.

Bucky's already making his way towards her. “Hey, maybe you should…” Before he can finish, the woman can feel herself sway and her eyes roll towards the back of her head, the room spinning, Chrissy feels herself drop.

“Got you.” She feels feather light in his arms. Carried up the stairs and to her bed. “I knew with everything going on...it’d be a little too much.” 

“I’m fine.” She tries to reassure her friend. “Just give me a minute and then I can start a late supper. I can't believe I fainted. God that's starting to become embarrassing.” 

“Rest. You need it. You’re constantly worrying about me and everyone else.” The Soldier enters the bathroom and finds her prescription. When he returns to the room she's sound asleep. Quietly, he grabs his sweater that’s hanging off the chair, covers her with it and leaves the room.

Running a hand over his face he sighs. They've all been a little restless and stressed the past few days. As Bucky heads down the hallway his cell phone begins to ring in his back pocket. For Christ Sakes. Looking over his shoulder to make sure that the call didn't wake his sleeping friend, Bucky answers the phone and heads downstairs.

“Tell me you found something.” Bucky pulls two beers from the fridge and returns to the mess in the living room. The Soldier hands Hawkeye one of the beverages and sits back down in his spot on the sofa.

“Maybe.” Steve sounds irritated on the other end of the line. “It's worth checking out. Looks like they might be combining alien and Stark tech.”

“What?” Well that can't be good. “Where?”

“Last signal we got…” Steve clears his throat and Bucky can hear papers being moved around. “Was off the coast of Antarctica.”

“Come again?” Bucky sighs. He hates the cold, hates alien tech and hates Hydra. “How big?”

“It's submerged. The base. And it's going to be tricky getting in.”

“For fuck sakes.” Bucky looks over towards Clint and Wanda, their eyes are focused on him, waiting to hear what he has to tell them. “What are you doing about it? Do you need us?”

“I was hoping you'd want to tag along.” The Captain admits, exhausted. “When can you all head here? We need to come up with a few different options. Might take some time to plan.” 

The Soldier is running a hand through his hair. His eyes glance over the papers and files before him. Suddenly he realizes how quiet he's been. Wanda and Clint are still staring at him intently.

“I know what you're thinking. Call Frank, that old man would be more than happy to watch over everything.” The Captain suggests.

“I'm not leaving her here.” The Soldier clears his throat and starts placing all of the loose paperwork before him. “She's still getting those damned dizzy spells and…”

“Buck. There's a room here for her already. Tony had it set up a few weeks back. She's going to give you a hard time about having to leave home.” Steve scoffs.

Looking up at the stairs Bucky rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I know.”

* * *

“K Soldier boy. Your room’s down this way. Only a few doors down from Chris.” Tony informs. “Not like you'll sleep much. But it's here regardless.”

Yup. He hates it here. There's far too many people in this building. Even though they are in the apartment complex in the higher levels, it still feels like a cage. A large, gilded, expensive cage. The Soldier also doesn't like how soundproof everything is. How's he supposed to hear anything? Threats. Or even if Chrissy or Steve or anyone else is in distress, he'd never hear it. 

The sofa in Chrissy’s room, that's where he mentally informs himself where he will be staying. To hell what anyone thinks.

As if sensing the other man's uneasiness, Stark exhales and rolls his shoulders. “She's down the hall and perfectly safe.” Barnes doesn't reply, only casually gazes down the hallway. “Look. I know you have...trust issues. But there's got to be a bit of give and take here big guy. Can't you just ease up a bit?”

“Nope.” Bucky adjusts the duffel bag on his shoulder. “Not in my nature.”

“Fine...well the room's here for you regardless. Maybe this is just some kind of relationship building thing we need to work on. Think we'll need to see a counselor? I have been feeling neglected by you.” Stark smirks and is surprised to see the other man show a bit of teeth through a small grin.

“Shut up.” Barnes shakes his head and makes his way to Chrissy’s room.

“See it's that kind of brush off that hurts pal.” Tony sighs and continues on his way towards his workshop. 

After hearing a few quick knocks, Chrissy opens the door and isn't surprised with who she sees standing there. “Really? You're only a few doors down.” Seeing the resolve on his face Chrissy caves. “Fine.” After all, if it'll calm his nerves, who is she to complain. But she’s still sour over the fact that she was forced to leave home. 

Bucky tosses his bag beside the sofa and then lies down. He's drained.

“Why don’t you get something to eat? I know that Steve’s probably going to want to speak with you soon.” 

The man on the couch grunts and places his forearm over his eyes. “Shhh.” He places a finger over his lips and smiles. A pillow is tossed and hits him in the gut. “That's not nice.”

“Neither is babysitting me. I could have stayed home you know.” A gentle reminder. “The people here are our friends. We’re safe here.” All she receives is another grunt. Chrissy’s well aware of his paranoia. His silent yet obvious belief that Hydra infiltrators lie dormant everywhere, waiting for the right moment. “I understand your concerns...but really everything would have been fine back on the farm, just like it’ll be just as safe here. Wanda was more than willing to stay with me.” Nothing. The woman huffs and heads into the bathroom. “I'm taking a shower. Seriously, go eat and talk to Steve.”

“He knows where I am.” Bucky settles more into the sofa. As soon as the water is heard running, the Soldier starts his sweep of the room. Chances are that Chrissy would have given him a hard time about that, given her current mood. There's a knock at the door as he starts to empty the weapons from his bag. Placing a hand gun in the back of his pants and draping his shirt over it, Bucky makes his way to the door.

“Hey, went to your room and you weren't there.” Steve can see Bucks bag on the chair. “Figured you'd be here.” The Captain raises a brow as he regards the other man before him.

“You figured right.” The Soldier returns to his bag, grabs a few items and begins placing them in the room. “I don’t want to hear it.” He warns, knowing that his friend was about to lecture him on how they’re all on the same team, and some other horse shit.

“Wasn’t going to say a thing.” Steve pockets his hands and allows his buddy to go about his business. “We’re going to go over a few blueprints tonight and maybe a few files. It’d be nice to have your input.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.” Bucky can hear the water in the shower turn off. He quickly pushes his empty duffel bag under the bed with his foot and clears his throat. “She wouldn’t approve.” The Soldier shrugs his shoulders and chews his inner lip. 

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you later.” Steve nods and leaves the room.

Chrissy exits the bathroom while drying her damp hair. “Was that Steve?” 

“Yeah. There’s a meeting tonight.” Bucky takes a seat at the edge of the bed and lies back, still drained from his constant work ethic. “What’s your plans for the evening.” He yawns and shuts his eyes.

“Jesus. Bucky you’re exhausted.” 

“I’m fine.” The Soldier rubs his hands over his face and groans when there’s another knock at the door. It’s far too busy here and there’s way too many people. “Door, your turn.” A wet towel hits him in the face.

“Sam. How are you?” Chrissy opens the door wider.

“Can’t complain. I was on my way up when Happy handed this to me.” He hands the woman an envelope. “Said something about you and Pepper.”

“Yeah, she wants to go to some Tech Expo and then to dinner.” Chrissy opens the envelope and finds a ticket, an i.d and access card. “Thanks Sam.”

“No problem.” Wilson’s eyes land on the tired form of Barnes. “Is he planning on moving...or am I going to have to wake him later? I’m not carrying his ass anywhere. Too damned heavy.” The man at the door snickers.

“Funny.” The Soldier scoffs. “I’ll be there...why is everyone so worried about me not showing?”

“Right. Well then, I’m outta here. Later Chris.” Sam taps the side of the wall and heads down the hallway.

“So you do have plans tonight. With Pepper...Tony’s former gal. That shouldn’t be awkward at all.” Bucky smiles, sarcasm dripping from every word. 

“You’re horrible.” Chrissy sits down beside Bucky and starts to push her hair back into an updo. “And yes. I still talk to her and I’m still friends with her. She’s still CEO and Tony still has to talk to her on a regular basis. It’s just not a romantic relationship for them anymore.” Chrissy heads to the bathroom and changes. As she takes a seat to put on her shoes, Bucky notices her attire.

He’s really starting to hate skirts. “You be careful.” He clears his throat, not wanting to sound too protective. Besides, Chrissy always has her bracelet and she’s not exactly one that would go quietly. But fighting, in that outfit, the success rate would be very low. At least Happy will be with them. 

“Always.” The woman bends low, places a kiss on his temple and leaves. “Don’t wait up for me.” She winks in a joking manner as she shuts the door. 

The room is quiet. Bucky sighs. Partially worried for his friend’s safety. Hydra. Not some random idiot who tries the wrong pick up line with her. Dragging his tongue over his teeth, the Soldier almost laughs, feeling sorry for any guy that tries that sort of thing with her.

* * *

It’s under water, and under a few solid tons of Arctic Ice. No big deal. He’s been trapped in a smaller space in worse conditions before. Alone. Not with a bunch of other people to worry about. Bucky feels bile rise in his throat. And they are going to be heading to this so called base in a UUV. Perfect. Nice piece of metal for them to all die in. Should he write a will? Why is this a thought that crosses his mind?

“Buck. Is any of this sounding or looking familiar?” Steve asks the man by his side. A brow slowly rising. His friend seems to be in some far away land, in his mind, a memory maybe? Who knows.

Shaking himself from his reverie, the Soldier sighs. “I’ve never been here. That I know for sure. But the base layout seems to be about the same as all the others. If anything, it’s just a bit larger. If they’d house anything of importance, it’ll probably be here.” He points to a blank space in the blue prints.

“There’s nothing there.” Tony interjects. “It’s the middle of the compound. Probably hollow to allow the flow of water and...wait…”

“It’s not marked.” Nat licks her lips and nods. “That makes sense. They’re not going to advertize secret areas, even to their own people.” This is something she would know as well. It’s what she would have suggested for all of the buildings, had she been playing for the other team.

Bucky’s prosthetic hand forms a fist on the table and then relaxes. “Only their most loyal people and highest ranked officers with special access...like scientists would know about these areas. Areas where they do all of their...experiments and testing. Classified projects.” 

“Like you?” Sam asks. “That’s how you would know about places like this, isn’t it?” He sees the other man nod and this causes him to feel ill. This man, this Soldier, what horrors was he forced to suffer through? Sam makes a mental note and files it away for later.

* * *

It’s late when the meeting ends. Steve has to shake Tony’s shoulder to rouse him from his nap in the chair and Clint’s on his fifth cup of coffee. “Alright. We’ll go over a few scenarios and go through more information tomorrow. I’ll be speaking with Ross soon, see when he wants us to head out. Get some rest everyone.”

As if just noticing the lack of people in the room, Bucky wipes a hand over his mouth and pushes the folders away. “This is a dangerous plan. You know that right?”

Rogers nods and places his hands on his hips. “You still going?”

“It’s not me or even you that I’m worried about.” The Soldier’s eyes drift to the opened door. They’re the only two men in this room. “You sure you want to drag your team down there?”

“It’s what we do. They all know the risks.” Doesn’t mean he likes putting them in that kind of danger, but in the end, someone has to do it. It’s a high risk mission, who better to pull it off? “I trust them. If we can work out a solid plan and follow through with it…”

“How often do things go according to plan?” Bucky grins. “You should send a handful down. That way there, if we don’t make it back, you have a second team waiting on standby.”

“Fair enough.” That’s actually a sound idea, one he’d already been contemplating. “Listen if you think I’m out of line…”

“Hey. I’m with you. Toss me into a hornets nest, I don’t care. If you think it’s worth the risk and that we even have a chance of being successful. Fine.” Bucky stands and crosses his arms. A heavy breath leaves his tired body. “But I’m following you. Your orders. Your gut feeling. Not some asshole behind a desk putting pen to paper.” The Soldier takes in a deep breath, he hopes Steve understands what it is he’s risking. “Steve, there can’t be any doubt on your part.”

“I know.” The Captain grins. “It’s nice to be working with you again.” The added support and familiar bond is an added bonus.

* * *

“Hey.” Chrissy whispers from under the bedding. Eyes wincing from the light shining in from the hallway. “Everything ok?” The woman yawns and begins to sit up.

“Yeah. Was just a long one. Went over lots and there’s still more to research and go over.” Bucky exhales, tired. The Soldier removes his shirt and heads for the bathroom. “Sleep. Just gonna shower.”

Bucky has to admit, he’s not liking any of this. The plans they have. The reasons for going down there. It’s all feeling rushed. And that’s never a good thing. But Steve thinks that it’s the right choice. Well as far as he’s leading on. Bucky knows better, something’s off. Something’s not sitting right with Rogers and he can sense it. That’s what has him second guessing this. As the water relaxes his aching muscles, the Soldier realizes just how drained he is. More pressure and stress then he thought. Drying off and slipping into some light clothing the Soldier debates if he should just suggest that he and Steve be the only two to follow through with this mission. 

When he exits the washroom, Chrissy is waiting for him. Smiling warmly, she lifts the bedding and moves over. Bucky’s brow creases. “Don’t look at me like that. As if I was going to let you sleep on a couch. My arm’s getting tired, these blankets are heavy.” 

Shaking his head at her stubbornness, Bucky climbs into bed and gets comfortable. “How was the expo?” Chrissy squirms closer and he wraps an arm around her frame.

“Yeah not my type of thing.” She snickers. “But spending time with Pepper was nice. We got to catch up over dinner and that’s about it.” Eyes heavy, Chrissy relaxes against the man by her side. “She misses Tony. I could tell.” She says sadly.

For some reason, Bucky feels for the other man. To have a woman he cares for deeply within arms length, yeah that strikes a chord with him. Chrissy squeezes his side a little tighter, forcing him out of his thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” She looks up at his face, he seems to be deep in thought.

Bucky licks his lips and takes a deep inhale. “Don’t know. Not sure I agree with everything they want to do. It’s like SHIELD’s tossing them into the fray and not really worried about the repercussions. I trust Steve, if he thinks this is a good idea...” The Soldier sighs. This reminds him a lot of his former employers. “Maybe I’m just looking into it too much…”

“No. If something feels off, you make sure to tell him.” Chrissy begins to sit up. “You’ve been doing this sort of thing longer than anyone else here. That’s why they want you here. Your experience is something they count on.”

She’s right. Again. Bucky sighs and pulls the woman back down gently. “Sleep.” He reminds. When Chrissy’s sleeping, her face and hand pressed against his chest as usual, Bucky takes a moment to be thankful for the amount of time that he was given with her. He’s going through with this mission. Steve’s right, it needs to be done, no matter the cost. The next few days he has with Chrissy, they very well might be the last. The only thing he could ever hope for are moments like this. That’s more than he deserves.

* * *

An agent is sneaking up behind Clint. Barnes tosses a knife at the assailant with perfect accuracy, the blade lands in the target’s throat. Hawkeye in turn draws the string of his bow back and launches a high tech arrow at the command prompt. Another door slides open and more Hydra agents head towards them. The Soldier makes his way next to Barton and covers his back. 

“There's too many.” Hawkeye knows how low their chances of success have just dropped.

“There's always more than expected.” Where one head is cut off...a familiar turn of phrase plays in the back of Bucky’s mind as he looks down at the man he just killed. Heart beating faster, hand shaking, he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

This is something he excels in. It's brutal and violent, but he's desensitized to it all. Right? He opens his eyes and stares at his right hand. It's still shaking. The grip on the twin handguns in his palms loosens. Oh God, not now. Out of all times he could possibly do some soul searching, why did his brain have to pick now?

“Hey man...you alright?” Barton eyes the other man from over his shoulder. The agents are closing in.

“I'm fine.” The Soldier grunts out and rolls his shoulders. “Let's push forward and find the others.”

* * *

After dispatching their adversaries, Clint and Barnes find the rest of the team at their rendezvous point. As they walk down the long hallway their boots make contact with wet floor. Blood, water and who knows what else. Bucky forces his eyes to keep their focus on Steve. Don't look at anything else. He swallows hard and takes another deep breath. Almost done. 

“Buck!” Steve’s shouting, concerned. Eyes studying, calculating his friend’s every movement. “What's wrong?” The Captain grips Bucky’s shoulder. “You hurt? I was talking to you...”

“I…” Bucky spots a few men rounding the corner. He hesitates for a few seconds. Only seconds, but in that moment he knows it'll cost them dearly. Raising his weapons and pointing them in the direction of the men, the Soldier fires a few rounds.

A grunt of pain beside him, Steve’s hit. Damn it. He's hit again. Shit! The Captain grabs hold of his friend’s shoulder for support. Another buzz of bullets both coming towards them and leaving the weapons in Bucky’s hands. Rogers looks down at himself, he’s in bad shape. Chest and lower right abdomen bleeding. Oh and what’yah know, another hole to add to the collection. As he begins to lose his balance and strength, Steve’s grip on his friend relaxes and he slowly begins to slump to the floor.

“Damnit! Steve!” Bucky grabs the shield, stands in front of Rogers and tries to protect him from further harm. The Captain grasps the Soldier’s black vest in an attempt to keep himself upright. Dark crimson stains his glove when Steve pulls his hand away from his side. Not good. Barnes can see that the Captain also has another gun shot in his chest. Rogers looks up at his friend, fully aware that he's in serious trouble. Not like he’s a stranger to being shot or wounded, just not like this. Steve tries to stand on his own, but fails. Bucky wraps an arm around his friend’s waist and continues to shield his friend.

Angered, the Soldier drags the Captain to a safer corner and sits him on the ground. “Pressure.” He reminds sternly as he places Steve’s hand over the more serious wound. Even the Captain can’t function all that great shot up to shit. “Sam!” The other man arrives and Barnes bolts out some instructions. “Mission is complete. He’s been shot a half dozen times. Get him out of here. I’ll cover you.”

Sam looks down at their fallen leader. “What about Barton…”

“I’ll make sure he gets out.” Bucky rounds the corner once more, angered and full of adrenaline, he rushes their assailants. “GO!”

“Alright people. Got what we came for, let’s move out.” Tony informs as he clears a path back to their ride. 

As Barton slowly makes his way back he decides to set a few charges. “We need to get rid of this place.” He informs Tony over their com. As much as he hates the idea of killing this many people, the things they plan on doing can’t be allowed to happen. “Give me cover for like five minutes.”

“Barton, there’s no time. Let’s move. Strict commands from the higher ups.” Tony informs over their communications.

Clint shakes his head. “Yeah, well I’m setting this up anyways.” Just as he finishes, a group of men round the corner. “You guys might have to leave quickly.” Taking a deep breath, Clint readies his bow. Head resting against the cool metal of the wall at his back, he tries to remember the exact lines of Nat’s face.

Watching the amount of agents bolt down the corridor, Bucky knows he can’t leave his comrade. If he does, Barton probably won’t make it back, and he’s pretty certain the other man knows this. “Fuck!” So he does the only thing he can think of. “I’m not leaving Barton.” He informs.

“Barnes, get on that ship.” A voice he recognizes, Ross. “That’s an order.”

“Nope. Not leaving anyone here.” Bucky knows what will happen to this man if this place doesn’t blow up and he’s taken captive. He’s living proof of that. The voice continues to try and issue commands, Bucky tears the device from his ear and tosses it aside. He's not leaving anyone behind to face the horrors he was forced to endure, or to die alone. He exhales forcefully through his nose.

There's no warning. Just a rumble in the walls. Damnit. In that moment Bucky knows that Barton has detonated his traps. The walls begin to cave in. Water starts to flood the floors. Inch by inch. Soon another detonation will be triggered. He needs to move fast.

Sorry Chrissy. Looks like I might have to break a promise.


	17. Chapter 17: Bruised and Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What's this? Two chapters in one month?! Well Lordy Lordy, I must be catching up on stuff. Hhahahaha yeah right.
> 
> Thank-you all for reading. Glad you're having fun with this. I love getting all your reviews and pms. Makes my day. Well here's another chapter for yah, I know I left you on a cliffy last time, so I guess I owe you this one hehehe.
> 
> As always, R&R and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind's eye when I'm writing this fic design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that's fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 17: Bruised and Broken **

That tight feeling in her chest is growing as her heart begins to pick up speed. Clutching at the material of her shirt, Chrissy can feel her heart viciously pounding against her sternum. Knees feel weak, tremors run through her body. Panic, fear, anxiety. She's starting to wonder if this is what it feels like just before they go into cardiac arrest.

"No." A whisper of refusal. They're wrong. They have to be. "They're missing. Not dead! So stop telling me otherwise!" Chrissy pushes past the SHIELD agents and begins to search for Nat.

* * *

After twelve long hours, Rhodey shows up in the common room to inform Chrissy that a signal from the UUV has finally been received. Being a civilian, she won't be aloud to see anyone from the group until they've been assessed and debriefed, but as far as James is aware, they're all alive.

As soon as she's given permission, Chrissy makes her way to where they are all being held. The doors to the medical wing are pushed open quickly. Chrissy's all but running down the hallway. The strong smell of disinfectants, people rushing about, the sounds of voices ordering procedures and codes. When a strong hand grabs her forearm she jumps. "Tony!" Chrissy's wrapping her arms around him, grateful that he's breathing. He returns her embrace with a light squeeze. Eyes full of anguish, the Ironman regards her, lip and jaw quivering.

"We're alive." He says softly. Just by the way he says this she can tell that something has him shook. "But...some of us got hit pretty bad. This was a close one…" Stark tries to explain, but fails. Words are raspy and unsure.

Even with the protection that his suit had provided, the Ironman looks like hell. There's a few small bandages holding a gash on his cheek closed, a large purple circle around his left eye, bruising down his neck and his right arm is in a sling.

"Where is everyone?" Chrissy pulls away, watery eyes continue to search the hallways. "You've been missing for hours…"

Tony runs a finger over his brow and can't seem to look at the woman before him. "Clint's in surgery. They had to use the defibrillator on him during...his heart stopped. Chris...he almost didn't make it." The Ironman clears the lump from his throat as he shakes his head in disbelief.

"What?!" Chrissy's eyes are looking down the hall once again hoping to see a doctor who'd have an update. "Is he...ok? I mean, what's going to happen to him?" There's that dread creeping up on her again.

"They say he'll be fine...but he will have a lot of recovering to do. They're finishing up on him now, but it will take a few more hours." Still focusing on anything but her face, Tony sighs. "Steve was rushed in and they worked on him first…he was considered critical when we got in."

That gets her attention. Captain America, critical? How? "Steve? Where is he?"

"Barnes is with him. He's stable...they told me that because of the serum...he'll recover quickly with little to no scarring. I'll take you to them." Chrissy follows her friend down the hall. "Listen, Steve was shot a few times. And when the explosions went off...we all got hit in different ways. Clint got hit with most of it." A shaky breath leaves his lips. "So what I'm saying is...you need to keep calm. Especially when you see Rogers or Barton. Ok?" He doesn't need stressing and passing out. Tony's worried about her head injury from months ago, and his concerns are valid. Stark presses a hand against the door and opens it. "I'm gonna go wait for Clint with Nat and Wanda." He says in a whispered tone. "I'll keep you updated."

"Thanks." Quickly, Chrissy squeezes his hand and then enters the room. She's greeted with a humbling yet terrible sight. Steve's hooked up to all kinds of beeping machines. His face is battered and bruised. There's a cut running across his left eyebrow and cheek, the corner of his mouth is swollen and his hands, arms and shoulder are all wrapped in gauze. Everyone of the spots where the medical staff worked on him are clearly apparent due to the stains on the bandaging.

Bucky is sitting on a chair at his friend's bedside. He's still in his dirty and torn uniform. Elbows on his knees as he constantly rubs his hands together, Bucky doesn't seem to hear her approach and that's unsettling.

"Bucky…" Chrissy's standing still. This sight a bit too much. Tony was right, she needs to try and remain calm. "They told me that you were all killed. I refused to believe it." She can barely hear her own words. "I just knew…"

Obviously her presence is comforting, the Soldier silently and quickly makes his way to her. "I'm ok. In one piece."

She grips his jacket tightly and presses her forehead against his shoulder. Good God he smells horrible, sweat, adrenaline, gunpowder and the coppery aroma of blood. Doesn't matter. Their all back.

"Steve is...taking his sweet ass time waking up." She can hear the worry in his voice. Bucky's right hand is shaking as it cradles the back of her head.

Glancing up, she scans his face. Lip split in the corner, dry blood covering the left side of his hairline and brow, Chrissy sighs. "Did you get looked at yet?" Why does she even bother asking anymore? She knows the answer.

The Soldier shakes his head. " No. I want to be here…I need to be here." He looks over his shoulder at Steve. Bucky has this overpowering urge to remain in this room. Both to watch over his friend and to be here for when he wakes up.

"You don't trust anyone here…I know. I promise he's safe." Chrissy releases the man and heads over to Steve. Gently she adjusts the Captain's sweaty bangs and places a light kiss on his forehead. "Wake up soon." She studies his form a little more. He was shot, more than just a few times. The woman swallows back her grief. Time to put on your game face girl. Resolve and strength.

Chrissy kneels down in front of Bucky who's sitting on the chair again and grips his hand. Pushing his matted hair aside, she finds more dried blood. "Listen, I'm gonna get Sam. He can watch over Steve, he won't leave this room. You're coming back with me." She's firm, this is what he needs right now, directions with no options. "I want to make sure that you're not seriously hurt or shot. Then you're gonna shower and rest." Bucky starts to protest, but the stubborn woman shakes her head. "If Steve wakes up and sees you like this...he'll only be concerned for your well being and not his own. He needs time to get better. He can only do that if he's not stressing about other things. You need to show him that you're doing alright." Sporting a shaky smile, Chrissy grips his hand tighter. "Please."

The Soldier seems to process this and it looks like he sees reason behind her words. "Fine." But he's not a hundred percent alright with it. "But I'm not gonna sleep long. I need to be here." He informs sternly while pointing at the floor. His boot taps impatiently on the tiled floor.

Chrissy exhales, satisfied with his answer. "I'll be right back."

* * *

Bucky is struggling to removes his jacket, he's clearly in a lot of pain, but doesn't complain. Only the outside of the garment seems to be the most covered in blood, that's a bonus of sorts, must be someone else's. Hopefully from someone she doesn't care about. He's clenching his teeth and hissing slightly as he peels off the shirt that's soaked with God only knows. Exhausted, he takes a seat on the sofa.

"Jeez." Yup, Chrissy was right, he's hurt. Bruising from his left hip up to his abdomen, gashes across his back and right side and lastly, burns along his right shoulder. "These aren't deep enough to be stitched and they seem to be healing already. Same thing with these burns. Minor." Running her fingers over his back, she inspects him for broken ribs or bones. No entry or exit wounds from bullets or anything else, that's good. Nothing serious. "Alright, shower. I'll get you some clean clothes."

As she turns around he grabs her hand. "I thought Steve and Clint were going to die... that I couldn't save them. They almost died and I couldn't do anything about it. I was there...I pulled the triggers. I was stabbing and pushing them back. But...I hesitated. Only for a second..." He's avoiding eye contact, positive that she'll be furious with his lack of action. "And the price...Steve and Barton are paying for it."

"Come here." Quickly he stands and she's wrapping her arms around him carefully. "They're gonna be fine. Steve's too stubborn to be anything else. And Clint's strong, he'll pull through for Nat. Has to. He's going to survive and get to have lots of time with her and his friends because you went back for him. Because it was the right thing to do. None of this is your fault. You had a moment where you weren't sure about all this fighting. Moment of doubt. You're human." They both have moisture building in their eyes. "People we care about are alive because of you. Don't you see that?" Cradling his face, she runs her thumbs along his cheeks. "And you...don't you ever scare me like that again. Got it?" Her voice is shaky. "Got it?!"

"No promises." He sniffs and rests his head against the crook of her neck.

"I was in a panic. You guys were missing for hours. They wouldn't let me know what was going on. Rhodey was the one that found me and told me that Sam called in with an update and ETA." Chrissy sniffs back the cracking in her voice that she knows is surfacing. She can feel his hands gripping her hips as he tries to steady his breathing, he's still terrified and feeling helpless. Wanting to comfort him, Chrissy grips the back of his head gently. "You scared me really good." Letting out a shaky exhale, Chrissy rubs her hands along his arms. "Shower and rest. I'll stay here with you. We'll go back after you get at least a few hours of sleep. Ok?"

"Alright." He licks his cracked lips and slowly makes his way to the bathroom. His movements are robotic and sluggish. Chrissy's not entirely sure that Bucky's as ok as he says he is.

When the shower is turned on, Chrissy allows herself to collapse in a heap onto the bed. It's all too much. Steve almost...no don't think like that. Clint's in surgery. And the rest of them all appear battered, strung and beyond exhausted. She nearly lost a lot of people that are dear to her today. Looking down at her attire she lets out a breath of disbelief. Her shirt and pants are stained with blood. She'll need to either do laundry or go shopping for some clothes soon.

As promised, Chrissy places some clothing on the bathroom countertop. It's eerily quiet in the bathroom. "You ok in there?" She can hear the spray of the water, and nothing more. "Bucky?" Should she check on him? Biting her lip, she pushes his dirty boots and pants aside with her feet, makes her way over to the large shower and knocks on the steam covered glass. "Sweetie...I just want to make sure that you're alright." No answer. Damnit. Bucky and showers, he really needs to stop having episodes in these places.

Inhaling deeply, she decides to pull the mosaic door open and peer inside. The Soldier is there, staring at his metal fist as he opens and closes it. He's wearing underwear, thank the universe for small favors, but why? What is going on with him?

"Hey." She says gently. "Bucky, you ok?" He's still not answering her. Exhaling deeply she takes a step into the large tiled shower and places a hand on his metallic prosthetic, quickly becoming soaked. He doesn't even seem to notice her there with him, only continues to flex his hand open and shut.

Turning towards her slowly, Bucky lowers his face. He's far more upset than he originally let on. The man leans against the wall and sags down to the floor, metallic arm resting on his bent knee. "For a second, I didn't want to fight anymore. Didn't know if I could keep doing it. But then Steve got hurt and that doubt went out the window."

Chrissy takes a seat beside him, wrapping her hand around his forearm. "It's ok." She whispers. "Not wanting to fight...losing the will for violence. It's not exactly unheard of. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

The Soldier snickers. "But it's what I do. All I know. It's what I'm good at." After a few minutes he returns her gesture. "You're wet."

"You weren't answering me, I was worried that you passed out in the shower or something, again. You scared me." She confesses, close to tears. "You've done that before…"

"Sorry. Just...mind's wandering. Guess I wasn't really paying attention to anything." He pulls her close when she starts to sniffle. She's upset, worried and just as worn out. "I know...it was all a good scare. But everyone's alive. Breathing." Chrissy's frame is shaking, she's just as terrified as he is, only he's holding it together better. The Soldier pulls the woman up onto his lap and holds her close as they allow themselves a moment to just be afraid.

"I think we both need some rest." He gently untangles her arms from around his neck. "Let's get dried off and try to sleep for a little bit."

"You didn't think you were coming back...did you?" Wincing, Bucky's arms flexes around her and she sighs. "You jerk! You thought you were going to your death and you were ok with that?!"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"Bucky!" Chrissy shifts quickly and pushes on his chest in an attempt to put some distance between them. Crossing her arms, her eyes full of anger and fear, the woman lets out a long exhale. "I thought you were killed. That you were all dead. I…"

"Sorry." He shuts his eyes, needing sleep, not wanting to face the hurt in her eyes. "We're alive."

"I'm too drained to be mad at you." The woman stands. "Don't you dare leave this room without me." She warns.

"I won't." He stands up as well and rubs the back of his neck. As he takes in a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, a feather light kiss is placed near the corner of his mouth. "What's that for?" Eyes wide, he stares down at her.

"For not being dead. You jerk." She grins sadly. "Don't let there be a next time, because I won't be as forgiving." Chrissy pokes him in the chest, serious.

"Somehow I don't doubt that."

"Not that it's an issue. But why…" Her eyes drops to his waist and then back up.

He can feel his neck and face heating up. Thank God, he's not nude. The Soldier turns off the water. "Dunno. A little out of it. Wasn't thinking straight I guess." He clears his throat and smirks. "I need to change and it's not a free show...so either pay up or let me get dressed."

"Oh for crying out loud." Chrissy leaves the shower and grabs a towel. "You're not the only one who's soaked. I'm borrowing one of your shirts, all my stuff is in the wash." She's had the blood of people she loves on her all day. Everything has ended up in the laundry.

"Yeah. That's fine."

She opens his bag and grabs the first sweatshirt she finds. Then she pulls on her last pair of jeans. Bucky's dried off and dressed. He drops down onto the mattress. Arms fold beneath the pillow as he rests the side of his face against it.

Chrissy lies down beside him. "You doing ok in there? " Her fingers comb through his damp hair.

Blue eyes look over his shoulder. "I'll be better when Steve wakes up and Barton's out of surgery." Eyelids shut and he breathes out heavily.

"Yeah. Me too." Chrissy settles on her side and sighs. They are all back. In rough shape, but they're back. She sets an alarm on her phone and then continues to smooth back his wet hair. "Bucky?"

"Yeah?" He really can't sleep. Just trying to relax to make her happy.

"I know you'll never stop doing this sort of thing." Her thumb rubs a gentle circle on his temple and traces the hair of his side burn. "But promise me that you'll always come back."

"Chrissy. You know I can't..." He knows that she's aware he can't possibly promise something like that. But he knows it's her way of saying how much he means to her. So he caves, again. "Promise. And I did come back, just like the last time I promised. K?" Acknowledgement of shared feelings. Subtle and maybe that's all this will ever be.

"Yeah." She sniffs again and shifts beside him.

He lifts his arm, as an invitation to get closer and she squeezes underneath. Chrissy wraps an arm around his torso, gripping his shoulder blade. He'd love to place a kiss on her lips and promise her more, but he knows that the things he'd offer might be empty. He really has no control over that.

A sigh leaves him as she presses her face near his throat, her breath warm against his skin. He loves her. Damnit. Poor woman. Well, the least he can do is try to keep her friends, their messed up family safe when they are out on these missions.

To Chrissy's surprise, Bucky actually falls asleep. The entire time she remains within his embrace, a little afraid that this is a dream and that maybe if she wakes up, her worst fears are an actual reality. But he feels and smells real. So she must be awake.

The beeping of her phone has her grimacing. That sure went by quick. "Wake up sweetie." She rubs the back of his arm.

The Soldier slowly sits up, rubs his tired eyes and stretches. "I'm gonna go sit with Steve until he wakes." He informs.

"I'll be with Clint." Chrissy slides off the bed. "I'll check in on Steve from time to time."

* * *

There's a pained groaned coming from Steve as he wakes up. Bucky's at his side gently forcing him back down. "Rest punk. You almost died."

The Captain smiles up at his friend and lies back down. "Not a chance that'd happen."

"Seriously man, rest." Sam interjects. "But it's nice to see you verbal and moving."

"How long have I been out?" Steve licks his dry lips and tries to move his jaw around.

"Almost four days. They got you on some serious meds." Sam is heading towards the doorway of the room. "Just gonna give Chris an update. You hang back and chill." Wilson leaves the room and shuts the door.

"How's Clint?" Steve is doing his best to keep his eyes open. He's so tired, but his team, he needs to know.

"He's recovering. Surgery went fine. Chrissy and Nat are with him. Sleep." Bucky sits back in his chair and looks out the window.

"Surgery?" Adjusting his posture, Rogers allows his eyes to shut once more.

"He's recovering, like you need to be doing. You can catch up when you're all healed. Now rest or I'll get the nurse to dose you with something." Bucky reinforces sternly. The Soldier lets out a breath he feels as though he's been holding for four days.

It's really nice to know that Steve has all these friends and people looking after him. Concerned for his well being. Bucky knows that his close friends, the ones that really understand this man who's battered and broken, lying in a hospital bed, they get him. Not the same way he does. No one probably ever will. But on some level they understand this stubborn man from Brooklyn.

To most, Steve's Captain America. The man that represents their flag and values. Muscle, endurance, courage and heart. But people, the population will never see or know the things that Bucky does.

When he glances over at the sleeping man he still sees it. A skinny ass punk too stubborn for his own good. Yeah sure he sees all of the other qualities as well. But loyalty, friendship and family. That's what this man represents to him. A past he's slowly recovering and missing.

From what his mind will allow him to remember, this isn't something all that unfamiliar. Bucky sitting by Steve's bed, waiting for him to recover. How many times did he have to sit at Steve's bedside when they were growing up he wonders. Terrified that his little buddy wouldn't pull through this time. His mind starts to recall several memories, of times when he would work furiously at dead end jobs to help Rogers mom pay for the medication he required just to breathe.

Bucky sighs and rubs his knuckles. This time around it's a waiting game. He's been in this position before. Has the patience for it. Rogers pulls through every time. Just like this time. Just be patient and wait.

Crossing his arms, he rests the back of his head on the wall and continues to remain vigilant in his friend's presence. If any threat makes itself known he'll deal with it. Nothing is going to interrupt Steve's recovery.

* * *

When Sam takes over keeping an eye on the Captain, Bucky heads over to Clint's room. It's late, so his skills of stealth come in handy. He pushes the door open and his stomach sinks.

Barton's sleeping, if that's what you want to call it. Monitors beeping, I.V drip flowing, respiratory machine pumping away. Tube down his throat. Wires, bandaging. Jesus Christ. Nat's gripping Clint's hand and staring at her lover's bruised and swollen face. Chrissy's asleep on the small sofa and Tony's leaning against the wall. Arm still in a sling, he continues to type away on his phone.

"I'll be back soon. There's a few things I need to look at." Stark heads down the hall towards the elevators.

"Thanks for bringing him back." Nat offers a half smile. Her eyes are rimmed and puffy. Tears of sorrow or joy? Both? "I heard you went back for him. Thank you." Voice unsteady. This is the first time he's seeing this woman a bit out of character.

The Soldier shrugs his shoulders. "I couldn't leave him there…" Bucky looks down at his prosthetic. "He would have done the same for me."

Nat nods, her smiles brightening. "He really would have." She wipes her eyes with her free hand.

The Black Widow can hear the long breath that Barnes lets out as he continues to stare over Clint's form. "I lost sight of him for maybe fifteen minutes tops. He's a hard man to keep up with and track down." He confesses as if admiring this quality. Nat knows from experience that evading this Soldier is next to impossible to do. "When I found him, he was out cold on his side. Dosed with something, found three small darts in his neck. Told Stark about it."

"Yeah. I know." Nat licks her lips, fingers gently run over Clint's cracked knuckles. "Waiting on the toxicology report. He's going to have a lot of recovering to do." She snickers knowing how much of a fuss he's going to put up about that. "He's not one to lay around."

"Want a break? Or need me to get you anything?" He offers as he places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently.

"I'm good thanks. Wanda keeps coming in and checking up on us as well." Nat motions with her chin towards Chris. "Chrissy's been keeping me and Clint company. She's exhausted. Hasn't slept in days."

"Neither have you." Barnes sighs. Fully aware that she refuses to leave Barton's side. Nat displays a shaky smile and looks over her sleeping friend. "Yeah, yeah. I'll wake her, get her to her room in a minute." The Soldier makes his way next to Barton's bed and his eyes wander over the other man's battered form. Hawkeye's in rough shape, but at least he's safe and healing.

"She loves you. You know that right?" Nat regards Barnes from the corner of her eyes. A large smile on spreading across her face. The Soldier's head dips. "I'm an extremely good judge of character and emotions. Even when people try to hide it." A knowing look in his direction.

The Soldier clears his throat. "Let me know when he wakes up, or if you need a break or anything." He turns around and heads for the sleeping woman.

"She'd accept you no matter what. That's a rare thing for people like us to find. And not something you should take lightly." Nat's focus is now back on Clint. "Trust me." Her thumb traces gentle circles over the skin of Clint's hand.

"I know." Bucky shoulders drop.

"So what you gonna do about it lover boy?" She snickers.

Bucky doesn't answer. Instead he gently wakes the woman in question. Nat shakes her head. That man is seriously a dumb ass if he lets an opportunity like that pass up.

"Bucky? Is Clint awake?" Startled, Chrissy rubs her eyes and sits up quickly.

"No. But Steve was for a bit. Sam is watching over him now. Come on, we both need some actual rest." Hand held out in her direction and she takes it.

"Yeah. Ok." She leans her head on his shoulder as they leave the medical room. "Nat. You call me the second anything changes or if you need anything."

"You bet." The other woman nods. "Thanks Chris. Love yah."

"Love you too." Another yawn. Bucky wraps an arm behind her and they head for her room.

"I'm taking a shower. Maybe we should get something to eat." She hasn't had the time to realize just how much her body has been craving both properly sleep and nutrition.

"I'll order something." He's avoiding eye contact as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Gently, her fingers are placed along his jaw to tilt his face up. The stubble from his unshaven chin is rough against her palm. "Everything alright with Steve?"

"What? Yeah he's ok. I think I'm just mentally exhausted." He sighs as he blinks forcefully and pulls out his phone. "Pizza?"

"Yeah that's fine." She pats his shoulder and heads for the washroom.

When the door is closed, Bucky grips his hair and falls back into the mattress. As much as he hates the idea, maybe he really should start not sleeping in her bed. At all. Ever. That's a depressing thought. There's just a whole lot going on right now. So maybe they don't have time to focus on this. Well whatever this is they have going on between them. Well to be fair, she doesn't really know about, this. He hasn't said anything, so how would she know? UGH! Maybe it'll never be the right time. Maybe that's for the best.

Nat's right, but she's wrong as well. Right? Breathe. Order food. Check. Pizza is on its way. Check.

The water is turned off and Chrissy exits wearing another one of his shirts. Damnit. That's a weakness he didn't know he had. Guess she still hasn't had time to wash her clothes. Whatever. The universe hates him. Or some unknown force finds this extremely amusing to taunt and aggravate him. Or so Godly force just wants him to suffer that much more.

"Pizza's on its way." Bucky shuts his eyes and relaxes. "I'm starving." Is he ever. When's the last time either of them ate, slept or even relaxed?

"Same here." Chrissy lies down beside him on her stomach. She's going over the medical report for both Barton and Rogers. Grimacing and rubbing her temples, she's trying her best to not let the words on these pages bother her.

Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose, not wanting to do this. "You need to get some good sleep. I'll sleep in my room tonight. That way you'll have all the bed to yourself."

"I...what? Oh…" He doesn't miss the tone disappointment in her voice. "Alright." She continues to read the forms before her. Shoulders sag, only a little, but he notices.

"If you want me to stay. Just say so." He says flatly. "Both ways remember." And he means it.

"Stay. Please." She pushes the paperwork away and curls up against his side.

"Alright." Hey, he tried to put some distance between them. Poorly, but he tried. Weak. But he'll be damned if he'll ever be the reason she's upset. "Still bothered by all of this?" The woman nods.

"Sorta." Chrissy refuses to tell him about her recurring nightmare. The one where they all died in that icy abyss. The other reason she hasn't really slept in the past few days. But, if she wakes up and he's there, she'll be reassured that he's alive. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He exhales. God his side hurts. Bucky's right hand prods at his side, muscles are tender, maybe there's part of his belt digging into his hip.

"Is our...well this... us, the way we are. Is it something that bothers you? Or you know makes you feel out of place? I know it's something I've asked before, but that was ages ago...And well..."

Bucky's laughing and this has her confused. "Out of everything in my messed up life. This." He waves a hand in the space between them. "Other then Steve...this is the only thing that makes sense to me or feels real."

"Ok." Chrissy smiles.

"After we eat. And I get cleaned up. We'll get some rest. Guaranteed you need it." He's noticed the dark circles under her eyes and she's been prying at the muscles of her neck quite often. "Wouldn't want you…"

"I'm ok. Been restless. But I've been taking my meds like a good girl and Wanda has been watching me like a hawk." Chrissy giggles. She can see the look of concern in his eyes. "Promise. I'm taking care of myself."

The Soldier squeezes her shoulders with his arm and kisses the top of her head. "Ok." He sighs. "I'm burnt."

"Same here. But maybe now we can both rest a bit." Chrissy covers a yawn with the back of her hand. Although, Clint's out of surgery, he's still needing a bit of help from a respiratory machine. The doctors have reassured her countless times that he will be breathing all on his own by this evening. The medical marvels that are available here are amazing. This information is probably what finally calmed her nerves a bit.

"I was thinking…" Bucky yawns and stretches his aching body. Muscles shift under his clothing as he tries to push back the aches and pains. "When we go back home. I want to continue working on the cabin. I think Clint would appreciate it."

Chrissy smiles as she looks up at him. "That's sweet. I think you're right. I think it'll be nice to have everyone over for Christmas. Hopefully, they're all a little more healed up by then. I think some down time will do everyone a world of good."

* * *

"What about this one?" Bucky's pointing to a large pine tree. The fading sun making it feel even colder. This is Chrissy's honey spot for Christmas tree hunting. Usually she gets Frank to chop her down a one, but this year he's unavailable. The old man's daughter paid for a plane ticket so that he could fly to Calgary for the holidays.

So it's up to Chrissy and Bucky to track down the perfect tree. Tony wants a big one and they will all be showing up soon to stay for a couple of weeks. It's been snowing for the past couple of days and there's actually quite a bit of it. Perfect conditions to bring home a large tree.

"I hate cutting them down. You're so helping me plant a new one in the Spring." Chrissy giggles as she snaps a picture.

"Why don't you just get an artificial one?" The Soldier grabs the chainsaw from the sled that's attached at the back of the four wheeler.

"Bad for the environment." She sees the man roll his eyes. "I don't know...tradition I guess. My aunt always had a real one."

Bucky starts the chainsaw and after a few minutes the tree lands on the snow covered trail. Chrissy then helps load the pine into the sled. "You picked a really pretty tree." She side steps a little too far and falls backwards landing in the fluffy snow, it's too loose to hold her weight, so she sinks into it.

He can hear laughing and the dog barking. The Soldier walks around to the other side to find his friend stuck in the snow. "How did you manage that?" He's not even trying to hide his amusement at this point. She's not exactly dressed to be lying in the wet snow. "You're going to be soaked through by the time we get back." Now he's laughing.

Her unsuccessful attempts to push herself up are really pitiful. Scarf still wrapped securely around her neck, hair and mits covered in snow. Camera held high, trying to make sure it doesn't get wet. The Soldier exhales and makes his way closer.

"Here. Let me help you up. Cluts." He reaches out while bending low. When she grasps his gloved hand, he sees her sly smirk and realizes his mistake. Chrissy tugs as hard as she can, pulling the man into the snow. Laughing the entire time, she can't help it. She had to. Bucky's lying on his side next to her, half buried in the snow.

"That wasn't nice." He's trying not to bust out laughing. Pushing on the loose snow, his arms sink and he falls forward, practically landing on top of the woman who's still laughing.

"But you made it so easy." Chrissy pushes on his shoulders to try and help him up. The laughter stops when she notices him lingering by her face. This is something he really needs to stop doing.

Her nose and cheeks are pink from the cool air. The sun is all but gone, leaving only a light glow in the sky. Bucky's frame settles against the woman and he begins to lower his face closer to hers. The woman's teeth chatter as a chill is sent through her body. Wet and cold. She clears her throat.

"We should get you back home and warmed up." His breath is hot against her cheek as he pushes himself to a stand.

Chrissy blinks a few times and hands him her camera. "Yeah." She shivers, this time taking his offered hand to help her up.

The Soldier climbs back onto the quad and waits for the woman to sit behind him. Feeling her arms wrap around his chest, he starts the machine and drives back to the farm.

_Stop doing that...Barnes._

* * *

Chrissy's tying ribbon around cinnamon sticks when Bucky comes up from the basement, carrying a few boxes. She pulls a tray of pine cones out from the oven and smiles at how awkward he seems to be. Standing in the living room next to the tree, he's trying to decide where to put these boxes.

"On the coffee table is fine." She sees him visibly sigh, deposit the boxes and take a seat. "You can open them."

The Soldier does as she suggests. Why does she want him to partake in any of this crap anyways? Bucky doesn't think he fits the bill of the Christmas Tree decorating type. Well, if it'll make her happy, he'll help without making too much of a fuss. But this entire tree thing, is still a mystery to him. He doesn't really get it.

The Soldier opens the flaps to the cardboard box and finds everything wrapped neatly. All of the items seem to be either handmade, that has Chrissy written all over it, or breakable, Tony. Bucky shakes his head.

"I use to have way more. Some stuff from my aunt too, but it was all lost in the fire." Chrissy takes a seat beside him and places a plate of cookies on the table. "So now I make most of it. The kids bring me stuff too, I can never bring myself to toss any of it out." She laughs.

Bucky's carefully removing some decorations from the box. "I can't remember doing anything like this…" With his family, as a young man or as a child. It's all still very muddy. "I don't know if we decorated anything. If we went anywhere...nothing…" He exhales, shoulders slumping forward.

"That's why I wanted you to do this with me." Chrissy winks and takes a cookie from the plate. "Maybe it'll spark a memory. And if it doesn't, well then you'll have a new happy memory to file away."

After a few hours they have the entire tree decorated. Lights and all. At the very top is a large star that Chrissy got as a gift from Frank a few years back. "Alright, now you can turn on the lights, we'll see how it looks."

The Soldier plugs in the electric cord and sits back on the floor beside his friend. She's smiling happily while surveying their work. As he observes the flickering colored lights on the tree, he feels a familiar sensation at the front of his mind. A memory.

Snow falling as he stares up at a lit tree in a park of a small town. He's cold, flesh hand in his pocket gripping a handgun, the other gripping the metal bench he's sitting on. Is he bleeding? Feels like something warm running down his ribcage and dripping onto the snow. As the Asset focuses on the tree, his breathing becomes more relaxed. He's at peace here. Is he dying?

"Bucky." Warm palms on either side of his face. "Breathe sweetie."

Forcefully blinking a few times, his eyes roam around the sights of the room he's in. Taking a deep breath, he shuts his eyes and tries to calm the beating of his heart.

"Where were you?" She knows all the signs by now to know what that was.

"I-I'm not sure. But I was looking up at a tree...a big one. In a park. I think...I think I was shot, maybe, and it should have been fatal. Waiting for pick up. Guess they patched me up." The Soldier scoffs as his hand touches his right upper rib cage. So many scars, most have healed over and faded, but they're still there, still raw in a way.

"It's not the best memory, but you remembered something." She's right. The more he can gather and collect, the more he can piece together everything.

* * *

Bucky hears Chrissy call for him from downstairs. The engines of the Quinjet was something his ears had picked up on a while ago. He descends the stairs quickly and can't hide his grin.

"Why's the jet heading this way? Aren't they a little early? Thought they were coming over Friday." She's drying a plate and looking out the main window. "Wait. Why are you smiling like that?"

Chewing his bottom lip, the Soldier hands her a coat. "Put your jacket and boots on." He informs while carrying a small school bag. The Soldier puts on his winter attire and opens the door. The jet is landing when he turns to Chrissy. "I pulled a few strings. It's just for the holidays."

Bucky hands Chrissy the bag. She's confused. "Open it." He grins as he ushers her out the door and downs the stairs. In it she finds a stuffed bear, a small winter coat, a hat and a pair of wool mitts. Alright, this is weird. When did he buy any of this without her noticing and more importantly why did he purchase these things?

"I don't understand…" The engine dies down and the hatch opens. Wanda is exiting the aircraft, Ariana is gripping her hand and walking cautiously beside her. Chrissy looks up at Bucky, he's waving his thanks to Steve. "You did this?" She knows how apprehensive he is about having kids around. For Bucky to do this for her and Arie, she has no words.

The Soldier pockets his hands and shifts his weight to his right side. "Couldn't pick her up myself." He says a bit disappointed with himself. He's still not ready to face Logan. Bucky nods in the little girls direction. "Give the kid the coat before she gets sick." He laughs trying to break the tension hanging in the air.

Chrissy lunges, arms wrapping his neck, lips pressing against his cheek as she stands up on the tip of her toes. Quickly she makes her way over to Wanda and the child. After the kid puts on the coat and hat, she wraps her arms around Chrissy's neck. Bucky feels as though he's done something right for once.

The Soldier licks his lips. "Thanks for going along."

Wanda shrugs. "I'm sure a bunch of men would have only frightened her. Besides, she's cute." The Witch adjusts the bag on her shoulder. "Clint's still healing. They have him on some kind of drug that apparently accelerates tissue growth. Even with that, he's still limping." Wanda exhales lightly as she watches the man in question leave the jet, Nat never far from his side. "Steve is fully recovered and Tony only has green bruising around his eye."

"How'd Sam leave without a scratch on him?" Bucky scoffs.

Wanda's gaze returns to Chrissy and the little girl. "Steve said she has a tremendous amount of power. But she hasn't once displayed any signs of it. I can sense that it's there. Yet..."

The Soldier takes in a deep breath and nods. "Yeah, she does. Xavier thought it would be best to lock that part of her mind up for now." He can see that Wanda doesn't seem comfortable with this. "It wasn't against her will. He suggested it and she agreed. The plan is for her to try and revisit those abilities when she's old enough to understand and control it. When she's more, well mature."

"I guess that makes sense. She's what...five at most?" Wanda shakes her head. This small child lost her family to Hydra, all because of her...gift. "Apparently…" The Witch decides to change the topic to something a little less depressing. "I'm Aunty Wanda. And me and Arie are sharing a room so that she can have a slumber party while she's here." A light giggle leaves the Witch. "Do you know anything about dolls and tea parties?" She asks jokingly. "Hope you're alright with your room smelling like candy and being decorated with pictures of flowers."

"What have I done?" Metallic index rubs his brow.

* * *

Chrissy and Arie are coming out of the coffee shop. Hot chocolate in hand, the kid waves at Bucky as he sits waiting for them in the truck. That's when he spots Henry coming down the sidewalk. "Can't catch a break." Bucky sighs and exits the truck, shutting the door a little harder then needed. Before he can reach them, the old man is gripping Chrissy's shoulder and getting her to turn around. Her smile fades as soon as she realizes who's grabbing her attention.

"Thought it was you." The old man sniffs. "Christmas shopping?"

Chrissy can feel Ariana grip her jacket and hide behind her. "Henry. Hi...Uhm yes we are."

"Who's this?" The old man's eyes soften when they land on the shy little girl. He bends down on one knee and smiles. This is not someone he recognizes. "You got a name little lady?"

"Ariana." She's still semi hiding and clutching her bear.

"I'm Henry." He offers his hand, but it's brushed aside by a large man who places himself between the old drunk and the two girls. "Hi...James right?" Henry rubs the back of his neck.

"That's right." The Soldier grunts. A warning. Hot breath mixing with cool air.

"Wow, I forgot how big you are. I get it. Protecting the family. Listen, I just wanted to tell Chris that I went through rehab. Got myself a good job." He informs nervously. "And I've been attending weekly support groups." He removes his hat and slides it through his hands.

"That's...great Henry." Chrissy grips Bucky's hand, making sure he doesn't do anything rash.

"Look. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I wanted to apologize. For everything. I'm sorry Chris. You were always good to me and you loved my boy. He was a really good man. I guess I just miss him. That's no excuse for...what I've done. I wasn't exactly all that great to be around before he passed either." The old man sighs. "I won't do anything to bother you again. And I'll keep trying to be a better man. One that Connor would have wanted me to be. Promise."

Chrissy smiles. She can see Bucky's shoulders sag. He's not as forgiving, but knows her well. "Henry, I forgive you. It takes a lot of courage to face and admit things you've done."

"Thank-you. I don't deserve it, but thanks." Henry lowers his gaze and shifts. "So Ariana is…" His eyes shift between the couple before him.

"Excited for the holidays." Chrissy smiles down at the little girl. "It's ok sweetie."

The little girl squeezes out from behind Chrissy and Bucky. She looks up at her male protector and he nods. She offers her hand and the old man bends low to shake it. "Hello." She says shyly.

"Hi." Henry is on his knee again. "Did you make a list for Santa?" She nods and this has him smiling. "Oh? And what's one of the things you asked for?"

"A doll with hair like mine." Ariana points to her braids wrapped in ribbon.

"Ah I see." Henry chuckles. "Well, be a good girl. Maybe you'll get a surprise Christmas morning."

"You think so?" She smiles happily and the old man nods.

Chrissy pats the little girl on the back. "K sweetie. We need to head back home." The little girl smiles and waves goodbye. "Bye Henry. I'm really happy to hear that you're doing well. Take care."

"You too girly." The two girls climb into the truck and that leaves the two men alone. "I know who you are. Seen you on the tv enough times." Henry informs with a snicker, but it's not a threat and he can't seem to look the other man in the eye. "I've always known what goes on over there. At the farm. Figured it out years ago. Ironman, Captain America...people don't just make friends like that."

"So you know what I can do. How quick and quiet I can be." Bucky takes a step closer when the man nods. "You ever threaten her again…" His voice is low and menacing. Only the two of them need to hear his words. "Or speak to her in a tone I don't approve of... I'll snap your bones and you'll disappear without a trace." The Soldier grins. "It won't be quick. It won't be quiet. I'll take my time. It'll be messy. It'll hurt. Can make it last for days if I want. You'll scream and beg for it to end before I even start." The old man gulps, clearly frightened. "And she'd never know about it. No one would ever find your remains. I wouldn't lose any sleep at night. Do you understand? Did I paint a clear enough picture?"

"Jesus you're a terrifying man." Henry snorts. "But yeah. I get it. You love the lady. Can't say I blame you. She's been good to you huh?"

The Soldier's fists tighten. Leather gloves creek and he does his best to stay in his tracks. Hurting this old man in-front of Arie is not an option.

"And yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut about the farm...and you."

Bucky grinds his teeth together and heads for the truck.

"Can I ask your permission for something?"

Bucky sighs, he knows he'll regret this. He turns around and waits.

"I'd like to buy a few gifts and drop them off, if that's alright?"

The Soldier shrugs his shoulders. "Why you asking me?"

"Cause, you're the man of the house aren't yah? Seems like the right thing to do. I won't cause any trouble. And honestly, you scare the shit out of me. Just want to make sure it's ok before I set foot on the property."

Bucky nods. "Fine. Just don't pull any shit."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Henry clears his throat and zips up his coat. "By the way...thanks for watching over her. I know Connor would appreciate it." Henry shuffles his foot in the snow, he's trying to be nice.

The Soldier gets into the truck and the Chevy pulls out of town. The old man is still standing on the sidewalk when Bucky checks his rear view mirror.

"You're worried he won't change." Chrissy reaches over and grabs his hand. "Lots of people change." Her hand squeezes his harder before letting go and he catches her meaning.

Doesn't mean he'll trust the bastard.

* * *

"What the hell?" There's a blanket fort in his room. Pictures half colored from what looks like a coloring book are starting to cover the walls. That big stuffed octopus is sitting at the end of his bed. Why the hell does that thing give him the creeps? It's as if the glossy eyes follow him around the room. Kind of makes his skin crawl. But he won't tell anyone. All he wanted was more clothing, now Bucky regrets coming in here.

"Bucky!" Arie is crawling out from her fort doors holding a flashlight. "Wanda says that me and her are having a summer party."

"Slumber." Wanda laughs as she pokes her head out from under the sheets.

"Are you coming too?" She asks exited. Bucky can't help but smile down at her. Pink frilly nightgown and fluffy socks, stuffed bear still being held tightly.

The Soldier laughs. "No."

"Aww why not?" Arie pouts and continues to flick the flashlight off and on.

Bucky shakes his head and smiles. "Cause boys shouldn't sleep in the same area as girls."

"But you and Chrissy sleep together." The little girl raises a brow confused.

Wanda burst out a loud laugh and quickly covers her mouth. "Sorry." She snorts and ducks back into the tent. She's still laughing and Bucky sighs.

"Yeah. We do. Only when there's not enough room for everyone to have a spot to sleep when they visit. It's ok for adults to do that."

The child seems to process this. "Oh. So not like mom and dads."

Bucky's eyes widen. "Woah no. Not like that at all." Wanda is laughing even harder. "Hey kid, you should ask Aunt Wanda in there any questions you have about boys."

"Oh that's just mean." The Witch no longer sounds amused.

It's the Soldier's turn to laugh as he grabs a few of his things and heads out. "Maybe if you kids are good Chrissy will let you stay up and watch a movie."

"Bucky can Chance sleep in here? He's a boy."

"Yeah cats are fine." Bucky leaves and shuts the door. He places his items in Chrissy's room and then takes a seat on the bed.

"Why don't you want to sleep in the fort?" Chrissy teases as she enters the bedroom. The man shakes his head and grunts. "Not liking the princess theme going on?" He's sits at the edge of the bed and starts to go over a few things on his tablet. A poor attempt at ignoring her. "Bet Arie could put some decent braids in your hair." She runs her fingers along the back of his head. The Soldier rolls his eyes and shrugs her off. "Aww come on. All that hair, I bet you'd look adorable." Chrissy is not hiding the fact that she finds all this highly entertaining.

What the hell is with people and their cheap shots today?

"I'm sorry. I can't help it." She's still amused. Still smiling brightly. "You're room is going to be so pretty." Chrissy pushes the side of his hair back. "Maybe just one clip? Maybe one with sparkles?" Again she's laughing. "It'd be cute…"

Alright. That's enough. He pins her to the bed. Not knowing what to do next.

"Yeah, you really showed me." She laughs. His eyes are calculating something, what she has no idea. He scans the room. "What you looking for? Gonna braid my hair?" Another roar of laughter.

"No but I could tie you up and leave you here." He laughs thinking he's won.

"Yeah that might give people the wrong idea." She raises a brow and can tell that he's confused. Then it dawns on him what she's implying.

"Jesus." He snorts and gets up off the bed. "That's no way for a woman to talk or...well think." He grimaces.

She's still lying on the bed laughing. "Sure. Whatever you say old man."

* * *

Chrissy's taking a shower when she hears a strange loud noise in the bathroom. "Occupied." She reminds with a huff. No response. There's more than enough bathrooms in this house. Why on earth would anyone need to be in here? There's a few more clangs and then it's dead quiet. Whatever. She finishes rinsing and steps out onto the tiled floor. She grabs a towel and notices a large amount of blood beneath her feet and on the wall. What the hell?

There's growling. Wait, what? Growling? Her eyes land on a bloodied and very pissed off cougar. Fight or flight kicks in.

"Bucky!" Instincts telling her to shout and force her to back up into the shower and slam the door shut. The animal is snarling and trying to get through the glass. It's panicking because it's injured and caught in an unknown space. There's a bang on the bathroom door as it's forced open. A gunshot and then it's quiet once again. The animal's silhouette sinks to the floor. Chrissy can feel her body shaking as she grips the towel close to her chest and continues to pull the glass door shut.

"Chrissy!?" There's a lot of blood, so he's imagining the worse case scenario. Panic. In a bit of shock, the woman can see her friend's blurry outline on the other side of the door. "Hey. Open up." The Soldier's knuckles tap quickly on the glass, voice filled with worry and dread. "I'll break it if I have to."

The door opens slowly. The towel is barely hanging onto her dripping wet frame. The Soldier slips off his button up shirt and wraps it over her shoulders. "Oh Thank God. You ok?" He holds her face in his hands. "Chrissy, are you hurt?"

"I don't...I don't think so." She sniffs. "How the hell did that get in here?" The man pulls her close and she buries her face in his under shirt.

Bucky looks up at the gaping hole in the ceiling, he can see parts of the attic and feel a cool breeze pushing in. "Dunno. But I'll find out." He rubs her shoulders gently. "Lots of broken glass and stuff. Lemme carry you." She wraps her arms around his neck and ducks her face under his chin not wanting to see the poor dead cat.

When they get to her room, Steve and Clint are rushing in. "Heard a gunshot. We were in the workshop."

Barnes motions to the bathroom with his chin and then deposits his friend onto the bed. "It's dead."

Barton takes a peek, bow at the ready as he inches forward. "What the fuck? How'd that get in the house? Steve, there's a damned Cougar in here."

"Go check the surveillance and the attic." Steve issues a few commands. The Captain grabs a spare blanket and heads into the bathroom. "I'll bring it outside. I'll make sure Arie doesn't see it."

After Steve leaves the room, Bucky tilts Chrissy's face up. "I know. Dead animals." He sighs knowing she's not a fan of having something killed unless it's being used for food. "There's a lot of blood on your legs I need to make sure you're ok." She nods and lets him do a quick inspection. "Ok. Not yours." He tucks his plaid shirt in closer around her frame. Wet hair quickly making the material soaked.

"Ugh. That's kind of grosse." She sniffs. "How the hell did it get in here?" She's shaking and her grip on his shirt collar tightens. Chrissy hasn't released her grasp on him since he placed her on the bedding.

"It's ok." He pulls her back to him. "I got it. And I'm not going anywhere. How about we go to my room. You can use the shower there to get cleaned up. I won't leave you alone. I'll even keep my eyes closed." Bucky tries for humor. He can feel her nod against his chest. "Ok. Come on."


	18. Cheers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oooooh a chapter this early in the month. Bam Believe it!!
> 
> This is a cute chapters. Promise!
> 
> As always, R&R and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 18: Cheers **

“It's cleaned up.” Barton tosses a bloodied towel into the garbage. “The surveillance doesn't show anything out of the ordinary...well other than the cat jumping from the tree to the roof. Gonna have to get Stark to go through the footage again just to make sure.” 

Exhaling loudly as he rubs his chin, Steve can’t help but feel baffled. “You said that you found blood and fur on the roof and attic entrance.” Rogers reiterates while crossing his arms. “This is a predator. None of this is adding up. What would it be running from? It's only real threat would be humans and wolves. And we would have heard a pack chasing it that close to the house.”

“These cats don't do this type of thing.” Clint sighs. “This is beyond weird. And I’m fucking tired.”

“We’ll look into more tomorrow.” Bucky grumbles, annoyed with the entire situation. Nothing’s making sense. “Probably a good idea to get the body looked over by the vet.” Barnes runs his hands over his face and then heads upstairs.

* * *

“I said goodnight to Arie. She doesn't seem to have any idea of what went on.” Chrissy gets under the covers and rubs her arms, dread still seeped into her bones. ”I just wanted to get cleaned up.” A tired insecure laugh leaves her as she tries to hide the fact that she’s still troubled.

Bucky sits down beside her and the woman is once again gripping the side of his shirt, subconsciously trying to keep him near. “Not going anywhere.” A soft reminder as the Soldier pats her knee. “Both Steve and Clint made sure that nothing else will get in. And I double checked the property. There's nothing else. No other signs.” Chrissy curls up against him as he lies down. Arms wrap around her making her feel safe. Not to mention, Connors handgun nearby, yeah that helps as well. “We get attacked by Robots and Hydra agents. And the thing that has you shaking is the local wildlife?” 

Chrissy laughs and her grasp loosens a bit. “Thanks for getting up here so fast.” She yawns and her frame relaxes slightly. Eyes avoiding the dark entrance of the bathroom like a child afraid of their closet at night. Why is she so frightened? This isn’t like her at all. Maybe it’s because at that specific moment she didn’t have any real means of defending herself? A shower door and that’s it. Chrissy tries to brush aside the feeling of anxiety and apprehension. Big girl. What’s your problem? You’re being ridiculous. Calm your nerves, crazy woman. You’re acting like a basket case. You’ve dealt with worse.

“Not gonna lie. Heard you scream. Dropped what I was doing. And was a little freaked out. Didn't know what happened. Saw all that blood…” He swallows hard. Everything that had raced through Bucky’s mind as soon as he saw that mess had him terrified, right to his core, down to his bones. “Just glad that you're safe. That’s all that matters.” Bucky shuts his eyes and places a kiss against her forehead. The fact that the entire situation could've ended much worse had Bucky not been as quick as he was, is what’s making his stomach behave oddly.

“Now you know how I feel when you guys scare me.” She slaps him playfully on the chest. Bucky chuckles and lets her settle against him. Had something severe happened, he doesn’t know how he would have reacted. He takes a moment to appreciate the fact that she’s unharmed.

“I’m heading to the vet with Steve in the morning.” Metallic hand rubs the spot between her shoulderblades when her grip on his shirt tenses. “Clint, Nat and Wanda will be here. And you know how to take care of yourself. I won’t be long. Promise.”

Finally, Chrissy decides that she’s overreacting a bit. Calm down. “You have a door to fix.” She points out in a botched attempt at humor. A quirk that’s always eased tension for her in the past.

A soft chuckle leaves the Soldier as he forces a puff of air out. “Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

This is a first. Chrissy’s the one sitting up in bed in a cold panic, gripping the damp material over her heart. Chest heaving with deep inhales and exhales. Her eyes survey the room and then drift cautiously towards the bathroom door. Swallowing the lump in her throat, her frame shutters as she tries to regain her composure. Chrissy brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. She could have sworn that she had heard the panicked cries of a little girl calling for her.

“Hey.” Bucky whispers beside her, hand dragging along her arm. He can feel her recoil and then relax. “It’s alright.” The wind outside blows and the branches of the trees hit the window. “You probably only heard the noise that the wind’s making. That’s all.” He’s far too aware of why she’s not sleeping well. Familiar territory.

“I-I thought I heard Arie...and...I woke up all clammy and…” Her eyes drift to the bathroom door once more.

“I killed it. Remember?” The Soldier sits ups and wraps an arm around her shoulders. An expert in not sleeping, he can sympathize with her overactive imagination. “And nothing else is getting in. Was just a wild animal. Probably sick or running away from something. I don’t think it was purposely stalking about.” Ok, that’s a little white lie, but it’s only to make her feel better. Besides, there’s nothing to say that the cat was actually here seeking prey. 

Chrissy snickers and licks her lips. “You say that like as if it was a squirrel or a small cat. It was a damned mountain Lion Bucky. In our house. It fell through the ceiling and into the bathroom. That type of thing doesn’t just happen. What if Ariana had been in here? Or if it had gotten out and hurt her or anyone else? Or…”

“Enough.” Hands grip both of her arms as he forces her to focus on him. “You need to calm down. It’s gone Chrissy. Dead. And there won’t be a next time. Alright?” She sniffs and nods quickly. “I know. Not too much scares you. Maybe a handful of things. This surprised you pretty good and has you shook up. But it’s gone. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Won’t let anything happen to Arie or anyone else. Ok?” Her frame shakes and he sighs. “Come here.” As he pulls her close, Chrissy dips her head under his chin. Fingers dig as she grasps the back of his shirt. Great now he feels bad for being so stern with her. 

Chrissy is practically sitting in his lap and doesn’t care at the moment. “Sorry.” Another sniff as he wraps her with the comforter. “That dream felt so real and...well I think that damned thing scared me more then I thought.”

“Don’t apologize.” Arms are secured around her. Warm and tired, she shuts her eye lids. “Just sleep. Ok?” He lies back and she’s still lying against him. “You comfortable?”

“Yeah.” She covers a yawn with the back of her hand. “You?” Legs hanging over his hips and her face tucked under his chin by his throat, he can’t be all that comfortable.

Arms flex slightly and squeeze her quickly. “To be honest…” A long exhale leaves him. “I haven’t felt this relaxed in a long time. Well as far as I can remember anyways. This is nice.” Her hair smells really good and her skin is smooth and warm. His mind wanders back to her words. How she had said ‘our home’. This forces a warm feeling to spread through his chest. Needed and wanted. He feels as though he really has a place. Protector and friend. Regardless of where any of this between them ever goes, he still has a purpose and a role here.

Chrissy lets a smile appear as she bites down on her bottom lip and squirms a bit closer. “Goodnight sweetie.”

“Night.” She can feel the fingers of his prosthetic gently running through her hair, he’s doing the best he can to ease her mind.

* * *

“Maybe this is the thing that scarred Caesar.” Clint points out as he rubs his shoulder. “Maybe something was wrong with it. Chased a horse, failed... and then it went total bat shit crazy.” Although that does sound legit, if it has a case of rabies, it still doesn’t add up.

“Nope. There was no tracks or fur at the scene where the horse was impaled. And that was months ago. Besides, it didn't even use the body as a food source.” Bucky continues to study the markings on the tree and the scratches on the house. “The cat was the one that made these. That's for sure. But these...” He’s never seen anything like these marking before. The ones on the base of the tree trunk and these ones near the highest point of the roof. Too large to be a cougar, too high up to be a bear or wolf. What the fuck?

“What you thinking?” Rogers asks from the deck, coffee in hand. Damn it’s early. “It got spooked? Or maybe it was stalking prey and happen to fall in?”

“The horses are too big of prey for it.” Bucky states. “But then again if it was desperate or sick. Maybe Jake or...” The Soldier sighs unable to finish that disturbing train of thought. Could it have been looking at Arie as a possible target? No. Shake off this train of thought. He jumps down from the tree and rubs his hands together. “This point of the house doesn’t have a good clear shots from the cameras.” The Soldier ponders a few different scenarios in his mind. “Something’s way off.”

“Maybe. Go get Sally to check it. See if anythings wrong with it. Rabies or something else maybe.” Clint suggests as he trudges back towards home.

“Yeah.” That would be an explanation of sorts. Bucky exhales deeply. “There’s no other tracks. No wolves or any other animal went after it. Has to be something wrong with the animal. We’ll head out. Don’t let the horses roam around till we know what’s what.”

“Yeah. I’ll keep a close eye on the kid and Jake.” Barton nods in the other two mens direction.

* * *

“It was very sick.” Sally removes her gloves, tosses them in the trash and jots down some notes on her clipboard. “Seriously dehydrated, malnourished. But there's no reason for it. There's plenty of things for it to eat here and lots of water. It's not damaged in a way that would make it unable to hunt. This doesn't make sense. Never seen anything like it.” She sighs. “I'm glad no one got hurt and I'm glad it had a quick death. Must have been suffering with for a while.”

“So not rabies.” Steve confirms and the doctor shakes her head. “Is there anything else you can tell us? Like why it would go to the lengths of climbing to the top of a tall home?” The Captain asks, clearly concerned.

“Well there must of seemed to be an easy and reliable food source. I know Chrissy lives near the lakes, so there's a water source for it as well. Jake, chickens or any other small animals would have seemed like easy prey.” 

“Kids?” Bucky clears his throat. Trepidation. Disgust.

Sally thinks on this. “That would be a little large. But if the animal was desperate, maybe.” She points to a few wounds. “This was made when it fell through the vent I'm guessing, but this…” With a bit of difficulty, she turns the animal onto it’s other side. “This looks like an attack from another large cat. Much bigger than this one. This poor guy was only about 2 years old.”

“Wait...aren't cougars not a thing in this area?” Steve asks completely confused.

“Well they are migrating. The weather, living conditions, their prey. With everything that's changing they are moving more south. We are seeing them more and more in this area.”

Barnes rubs the back of his neck. He knows that Charlotte is not exactly programmed for wildlife control. “Is there any way to know if the other cat that attacked this one is ill? “

The vet shakes her head. “Sorry.” Sally takes a seat near the counter and goes over her notes. “This is a younger male. Could have been a territorial dispute between it and another larger male. I just can’t wrap my head around why it was so malnourished. Maybe someone’s escaped pet. Some people are known to keep animals that they’re not supposed to in these parts. Last month the Police brought in a fox and a racoon that a man had been keeping as pets. And he wasn’t taking very good care of them.”

Steve pulls out his phone and brings up the pictures of the scratch marks left on the tree. His hand is stretched out beside the gashes in the bark. Sally takes a look at the photos with a raised brow. “I don't know what made those. We don't have grizzly here. And it's too big to be a cougar. I'm sorry guys. I don't know what to tell you. But if you find anything else, please don't hesitate to contact me. I’ll also do a bit of research on my end and let you know if I find anything.”

“Alright.” The Captain sighs, shoulders dropping. “Thanks for your time.”

“If it’s alright with you guys. I’d like to keep the body. It’s not often we get this sort of thing here and I’d like to study it to get more familiar with the species.” Bucky nods slowly. The two men say their thanks and then leave the office feeling more concerned than when they arrived. What if the other animal is ill? What if it's a territorial thing? What if it decides that the farm is a new local source of food. 

“Looks like I'm going tracking when we get back.” Bucky sighs. He doesn't want to kill an animal if he doesn't need to. But if he finds signs of this other cougar hanging around, he'll have to get rid of it.

“Barton could probably go with you. I'll speak to Tony and see if there's anything he can do with Charlotte.”

The two men enter the Chevy, Bucky takes a minute to lean his head back and laugh. “Barton is still healing. Get him to look around the barn and keep an eye on the house.” Rogers raises a brow in the other man’s direction. “I know he'd want to feel useful.”

“This is bothering you more than you're letting on.” The Captain really does know things about Bucky that no one else does. Sees right through his tough guy act. “Sorry man. Can tell when you're lying.” Steve snorts lightly as he grins in the other man's direction. “Always could.”

Bucky taps the steering wheel. “It's just...out of all the assholes out there, the aliens and God knows what else that's after us...and a damn cat gets pass the security and into the house.” The Soldier laughs and rubs a hand over his face.

“And that's funny?” Steve snickers.

“No. Not at all. That thing could have killed her and quickly. The only thing that kept her safe was a damned shower door. And had it got to Arie when she was outside...” The Soldier rubs a hand over his mouth, bile in the back of his throat. “And I’m not liking how Sally looked puzzled about the markings.”

“Want me to drive?”

Bucky clears his throat and turns the ignition. “Nope. I'm fine.”

“Buck. The main thing is that you killed it. It's out of it’s misery and everyone is safe.” Steve tries to reassure. “Go tracking for the day. I'll stay back with everyone else. We'll keep an eye on things.”

Barnes nods and the muscles in his jaw tightens. “If I find it, I'm killing it regardless. Don't tell Chrissy. She'd get upset.”

The Captain nods. “Yeah. Ok. You know…” Steve doesn’t want to bring this up, but it makes sense and needs to be said. “There’s someone who’d probably be able to track and find this thing with little ease.” He knows that Bucky’s not ready for that sort of thing, but Steve also knows that Buck was thinking the same thing.

“I’ve thought about calling Logan. I just...I can’t.” He’ll find this thing and deal with it. An animal, nothing more.

Except, he never finds it or any trace of it. Bucky's out in the forest till late evening. Not once does he find anything that leads him to believe that something else is lingering around.

* * *

Chrissy is cleaning the dishes while Wanda works on tidying up the kitchen. The house is filled with laughter, music and noise, Christmas Eve, yup it’s busy. It’s a welcomed chaos and Chrissy loves every crazy minute of it. A few hours pass, the two women are laughing and sharing stories when Steve taps her on the shoulder.

“It’s late, but there’s a few opportunities for you to take some great pictures.” The Captain points to the living room with a smirk.

Curious the two women head over in the direction he mentioned and have to cover the mouths in order to keep their laughter down. Tony’s wearing a Santa hat, lying on the floor watching Christmas cartoons and eating cookies. Clint’s stretched out on the couch, his head resting comfortably on Nat’s lap. Vision is standing near the Christmas tree, transfixed on all of the decorations. And Bucky’s passed out in the large sofa chair, a child’s Christmas story book folded over his knee and Ariana curled up against him. 

Steve was right, and Chrissy is quick to cease this opportunity by snapping a few photos. When she makes her way towards the sleeping Soldier, she receives a small smile from Clint and Nat.

“We’re heading to bed.” Nat informs. 

“Night.” Tony waves without even looking their way, Nat rolls her eyes and helps Barton up from the couch. Hawkeye hisses in pain and Chrissy’s reminded sadly that he’s still recovering. 

“Bucky.” Chrissy squeezes the man’s shoulder who remains still. Wanda quietly makes her way over and gently removes the small girl from under his arm. The sudden loss of the weight and warmth on his lap forces him awake. Eyes adjust to the lighting as Wanda offers him a small smile and carries Ariana upstairs. With a yawn, Bucky places the book on the coffee table and rubs his eyes. 

“Come on, it’s late.” Chrissy motions for him to go upstairs. “I’ll be up in a minute. Going to make sure these boys go to bed.”

“Yeah, or no Santa visits.” Tony scoffs.

The Soldier nods and makes his way towards the stairs. Steve follows not too far behind.

“Tony, you need some sleep.” Chrissy turns off the tv. “It’s late. Like 1 a.m late.”

“But Mom...I wanna see Santa.” He bites the head off of a gingerbread man and pouts in her direction. “These are great. Anyone ever tell you that?”

“You do, every year. Now come on, get some sleep. Please.” Chrissy pleads with the man. “All I want for Christmas is for you to start taking better care of yourself.”

Tony sighs, dusts of his hands on his thighs and stands. “Can I promise to try?” 

“That works.” Chrissy presses a kiss against his cheek.

“I want a promise from you in return.” Tony pulls his friend into a small hug and looks over at the stairs, knowing she’ll get his meaning. “Be careful...and if you fall, catch yourself, don’t fall too hard. I can’t be around all the time to make sure you don’t get hurt. I know that.”

“Tony…” She feels him squeeze her shoulders and she sighs, his hidden meaning understood. “I promise.” Stark pulls away and picks up his plate. Chrissy clears her throat, that little moment causing her to feel a bit, awkward. “Vision, sweetie. Did you need anything before I call it a night?”

The android turns around, stunned that she would even think of him. “I...uh...no. Thank-you Christine.”

“Still stuck on Christine huh?” The man before her smiles and resumes looking at the tree.

“Chris.” Tony grasps her wrist gently, thumb rubbing against the bracelet. He smiles thoughtfully. “Merry Christmas...you know I love you, right? You’re the sister I never wanted, but got anyways.”

“Yeah. Love you too.” She smiles thoughtfully and begins to head upstairs. Fully aware that he’s not liking who’s in her bed, again.

* * *

This hasn’t happened in a while. The feeling of having to retch rising as he sits up in bed. Sweating, cold and breathing deeply, the Soldier’s eyes search for the alarm clock, 4:37 a.m. Taking in a few more long inhales, he shuts his eyes and fights the urge to vomit. When the feeling subsides, his eyes land on the sleeping form of the woman at his side. Gently, he tucks the blankets in around her and then leaves the comfort of the bed. God he feels incredibly warm all of a sudden.

The Soldier removes his damp shirt and decides to head out onto the deck for some fresh air. When his bare feet make contact with the snow covered wood, he’s reminded why he hates the cold. The cool, still air hits the bare skin of his torso. Wow that’s odd, he’s not shivering. Whatever, he needs a few minutes. With a frown, Bucky takes a seat on one of the chairs, elbows on his knees, brow resting against the palms of his hands. 

Why is he so winded and horrified. Usually the dreams that come to him at night are so vivid, so real. This time around, Bucky can barely remember what the hell he dreamt about. Something to do with torturing a few nameless men and women. There’s that bile climbing up his throat again. He sighs and allows his shoulders to drop. Defeated and just so very tired.

The patio door slides open and he doesn’t even have the energy to look up to see who’s walking towards him. There’s a clunk of boots dropping on the floor beside him his feet. “It’s too cold. Even for you.” Stark clears his throat. “Put this on.” Barnes rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms and studies the man before him. Tony is thrusting a brown leather jacket in Bucky’s direction. When he sees that the other man finally acknowledges him, the Ironman sighs. “Come on big guy. Take it. Brought you some boots as well. Frost bite’s a bitch.”

The Soldier slips into his jacket and puts on the combat boots. When he leans back in the chair, head tilted back, shaking and looking rather pale, Tony shakes his head. What a mess. Not his fault of course, but a mess nonetheless. Just before Stark had made his way out here, he was able to get a pretty good view of the other man. Sometimes he forgets that this Soldier is a living, walking weapon. The scars that litter this poor man’s frame are what reminded Tony that Barnes really didn’t have a choice in any of this. He really needs to try and give this guy a break, and not just for the sake of making Chris happy. 

“Thanks.” A gruff voice. 

“Want me to get Chris or Steve?” Tony asks sincerely. Hands rubbing together as he tries to keep warm.

The Soldier shakes his head. “No. She’s sleeping really well and Steve has enough to worry about. I’m fine. Routine…”

Tony nods absentmindedly. “Right. Well let’s head inside. I don’t know about you, but I’ll probably catch a flu if I stay out here much longer.” The other man snorts back a chuckle and pushes himself to a stand. “It’s almost morning...figured I’d get a head start on the coffee. Want some?”

This man is going out of his way to make an effort, Bucky decides maybe he should try to do the same. He pockets his hands and shivers. “Yeah. Sounds like a good plan.” When the Ironman opens the door, Barnes regards him with a tone of seriousness. “You don’t get much sleep either...probably for similar reasons.” Tony glances over his shoulder and nods nervously. 

“Being with or around Pepper used to help.” Tony chews at his bottom lip, knowing the other man gets his meaning. Great now he feels even more depressed. Man he misses that woman, especially around this time of year. The two men make their way back into the home. “So I guess I understand.” The Ironman’s eyes drift towards the stairs and then back to the Barnes. “You find it better...being here?”

The Soldier tugs his jacket around himself tighter and nods. Hating having to admit anything to this man, for some reason this makes him feel small and weak. Admission of emotions and fears. But isn’t that normal, human behavior? “That’s not the only reason…” That, what? He loves her? Prefers staying here? What does he even mean by this? Jesus Barnes. 

“I know.” Stark snorts out like as if he actually understands this explanation and then begins to prepare the perculator. “Did you give any thought to what we discussed? BARF?” If this man’s going to stick around or pursue anything further with Chris, Tony would rather if he was at least more stable and less dangerous. The other man nods. “Well?”

“I’d like to go through with it. I just...I think I need a little more time.” Bucky pulls out a stool and takes a seat. God he’s so drained. Really he should head back to bed.

“The when is all up to you big guy.” Tony crosses his arms and yawns. “I’d just…” How can he word this without causing Barnes to want to reach over and murder him. “I’d prefer if you at least try this option...before…” The Soldier raises a brow in his direction. “You’re gonna make me say it aren’t you?” He huffs out with a quick laugh. “Alright. I’ll play along. Before you two start anything more serious. If you haven’t already.” Barnes eyes widen. “What? Don’t give me that. So have you?”

Bucky raises a brow and shrugs his shoulders. “Have I what?” Tony sighs, completely annoyed. “Fine.” Barnes decides to stop his little charade. “No.” He clears his raspy throat, finger now occupied with digging at a small dent in the woodgrain of the island. “Are you ever going to try and patch things up with Pepper?”

“Dunno.” Tony places a steaming cup before the Soldier. “I…” He rubs his thumb along his scruff. “I just don’t want to see anyone hurt.” Eyes study Barnes as he sips his coffee. 

“I know.” The Soldier exhales loudly. “Should I leave?” This is the one person here that will give an honest opinion. He has no reason to try and convince Bucky to stay, so if he thinks Barnes should leave, Tony will say so.

Snickering, Tony finds himself taking a seat not far from the other man. “I want to say yes. I’d prefer it if you were at the Avengers facility where we can keep an eye on you. I want to protect my friend. But the truth is, I think she’s safer with you here. And I see the way you two look at each other. Who am I to say it’s not right?” A strange confession indeed. “I thought me and Pepper was the right thing. Turns out I was toxic for her. I’m not going to try to fix things with her until I know I’m the man she deserves.”

Bucky’s staring at his drink, Tony’s words hitting home. 

“And I think you’re man enough to decide what’s right. You care for eachother, sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes it’s not. Either way, it’s not up to me. I’m learning to live with that. Whatever you two wind up doing, I know you’ll do your best to keep her safe and not hurt her. Not intentionally anyways. That’s all that matters.”

The only thing Barnes can do right now is nod in agreement as he sucks a bit of air anxiously through his teeth.

“You really should try and get some rest.” Tony offers. “Maybe just being in the same room does you some good.”

With that said, Bucky removes his outdoor clothing and heads back upstairs. When he enters the bedroom, he studies Chrissy’s sleeping form. Stark’s right. This helps. Once he’s settled, Bucky hugs the woman’s frame close and kisses her shoulder. Why does he feel the need to have approval from anyone before he can ever muster up the courage to continue, whatever this is? 

Love you, words that cross his mind. He means it. Won’t say it. Gonna do what’s right, what’s best first. Then, just maybe, this could work.

* * *

It’s a nice sight, a small child opening presents. Tony’s passing a few gifts to the little girl and has the brightest of smiles when her little fingers quickly rip apart the paper. Chrissy’s enjoying the moment. The laughter and thank-yous of a child filling her home, it’s welcomed and enjoyable. Wanda seems to be loving this as well. She’s sitting comfortably on the couch, coffee in hand as she continues to laugh with the little girl. Chrissy doesn’t miss the stare that the Witch and the Android share. It’s the same one Nat and Clint pass between them when they’re not paying attention to who’s looking.

Glancing around the room, Chrissy notices Bucky staring back at her from where he’s leaning against the far wall. Steve’s talking to him, but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention. Feeling her cheeks warm up, Chrissy smiles and heads into the kitchen. Time to get started on that breakfast.

“Here.” Steve offers his friend a wrapped box. It’s covered in newspaper and tape. “Wrapped it the same way our parents use to wraps gifts.” The Captain snickers. 

Bucky can feel that there’s something fragile in the wrapping so he takes extra caution. Once the paper is pulled back, he can see a hand drawn portrait. Three people. “That’s your mom, dad and sister.” Steve smiles brightly. “I tried, but I just couldn’t find any photos of them. This was the next best thing…”

Stunned, Bucky looks at Steve then back at the frame in his hand. “They seem...familiar.” He can feel it, that tug of remembrance, like something wants to resurface, but it’s having a difficult time. “Thank-you.” A whispered word of gratitude. “I wish I could remember…”

“You will.” Steve pats his friend on the shoulder. “Eventually.”

* * *

“I made you something.” Bucky informs over Chrissy’s shoulder as she checks on the turkey and causes her to jump slightly. “But it’s in the workshop.”

“Jeez you scared the crap out of me. Always sneaking up on me.” The woman shuts the oven door while chuckling. “You’re not tricking me are you?”

“Nope.” He smirks. Startling her will never get tiresome.

Chrissy follows him outside, regretting not wearing her coat, what was she thinking. Arms crossed against her body as she tries to follow him in the snow. They enter the workspace and he turns on a light. In the middle of the room is something covered in a large blanket. 

“Yeah, my wrapping skills.” He laughs.

Rubbing her arms, she laughs, the memory of her last gift from him and the wrapping coming to mind. “Well, technically it’s wrapped, so kudos.”

Gesturing with his chin for her to open the gift, he waits for her reaction. Chrissy pulls off the blanket and gasps. “You never cease to amaze me with your woodworking skills. Jesus, this is beautiful.”

Her fingers trace the edges of the large bookcase. She opens the wood and glass doors and runs her hands along the shelves. “Bucky, really. This is gorgeous.” She’s smiling warmly. Photos, books and anything important to her will be displayed beautifully in this. “I really don’t know what else to say.”

The woman makes her way over to him and hugs him tightly. “Thank-you.” 

“I’m glad you like it.” He pulls away slightly, content with the look in her eyes. 

She’s extremely happy, that’s the best feeling ever. When he brushes her hair aside, she grasps his hand. Prosthetic palm resting against the side of her face. Chrissy hugs him again, wanting to stay warm and near. She can feel his chin resting on the top of her head as Bucky continues to keep her within his embrace.

“I got you something.” Chrissy pulls a small box from her pocket. “Figured I already got you enough things to do. So maybe something a little...well, you’ll see.” She pulls away and offers him the gift.

With a smirk, the Soldier begins to open the package. “I swear if it’s keys to something else to work on…” He snickers, but stops as soon as he opens the lid. Eyes drift from his hands up to her face quickly.

“I can’t always be around to help you remember. I hope this helps. And I hope it continues to serve as a reminder that you’re a good man.”

Bucky pulls out a set of dog tags, his right thumb continues to rub over the item. There’s no number associated with this specific set. Just the etchings James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky,  
Not a weapon. A man.

“I got Dave to pull some strings for me. I know they aren't American tags but…”

“They're Canadian. That's fine. Perfect.” Bucky laughs lightly. “Thank you.” These things are the real deal and untraceable, just like him. The Soldier drags his tongue along his teeth and places the chain around his neck. Thumb running over the name engraved in the metal once more. He received two gifts from his friends tonight that mean more then words could ever explain. Both with thought and love. Both with the intent to help and comfort him. He tucks the chilled metal under his shirt so that it hangs against the skin of his chest, near his heart.

Chrissy grips his metallic hand, fingers lacing with his own. “I love you. You know that. Right?” Bucky lowers his gaze and shifts his weight. 

The Soldier nods. “Yeah. I know.” She's talking about platonic love and he knows it. She cares for and loves everyone in this house. “I...thanks. Crazy, stubborn woman.” He smirks and clears his throat. Still not entirely used to this sort of affection and light hearted conversation.

“Don't worry. I know you care about me as well.” Chrissy fingers squeeze his own. “Glad you like the gift sweetie. Merry Christmas.”

* * *

An old beat up truck is coming down the driveway. It's getting close to dinner time. Bucky sighs as he looks out the window, knowing who's heading their way he takes a drink of his beer. That old man better behave himself.

When Henry pulls the last box from the truck he turns around to be silently greeted by the Winter Soldier. “Jeez son. You damn near gave me a heart attack.” 

“Don’t call me son. I’m way older than you.” It’s petty, he knows it, but Bucky can’t help it. This guy rubs him the wrong way. He’s only putting up with the old drunk for Chrissy. If she were to walk out right now and ask him to snap Henry’s neck, he’d do it without giving it a second thought. “Need some help?” Barnes offers with a huff. Remain civil, that’s it.

“I'm fine. Thanks.” 

The front door opens and Chrissy makes her way onto the porch. “Hi Henry.” Even after everything, the old man is amazed at how polite and sincere she is. “You staying for supper?”

“I…” He clears his throat, adjusts the packages in his arms and glances over at the other man who nods. “I can.” He's still in shock. How on earth could she possibly want anything to do with him?

James grabs a few of the boxes and heads for the house. When they enter, it's the strangest but most wonderful thing he's ever seen. The Avengers, all chatting up a storm in the living room by the fireplace. Like as if they're all normal folks. Weird.

Chrissy takes the gifts from him with a warm smile. “You shouldn't have done this. Really. I'm just glad to hear that you're doing so well.” 

“I wanted to.” He hangs up his jacket and removes his boots. Rubbing his cold hands together he then notices Ariana, playing with a few new toys and a grey cat by the Christmas tree. “They’re mostly for the little princess over there.” He smiles fondly. Closest thing he’ll ever get to a grandkid right? Good lord, look at her. Hair braided up, that’s Chrissy’s doing. Poofy velvety dress, has to be that big wig, Stark. Perfect little angel of a child. He sighs. He can love this child like a grandfather would and he will. 

“Go ahead.” Chrissy places the boxes under the tree and heads back to the kitchen.

Henry takes a seat on the large sofa chair near the little girl. All the while he can feel a set of eyes never letting him out of their sight. That’s that big fellah. Can’t blame him.

“Hi Henry!” Ariana beams with delight. “Are you here for dinner?” She seems so excited and this warms his core.

“Looks that way little lady.” He laughs. “I brought you a few things.” A happy grin as he bends low and grabs the biggest box. “But you need to tell me honestly that you've been a good girl.”

The little girl’s eyes widen with excitement. “I have! I even helped make the cookies. Uncle Tony said I was the best at cleaning the spoons, but made me share.” She pouts.

Henry laughs and hands her one of the gifts. “Well sounds like you're behaving, but you gotta keep being a good girl.” He winks and Arie nods quickly. “Alright open it up.” The little girl quickly opens the gift. Henry has to admit, this is the best he's felt in a long long time.The first thing she notices are the braids tied with ribbons and the pretty winter white dress on the doll. 

“Like mine.” She whispers and hugs it. “Thank you!” She leaps and hugs the old man tightly. 

“Ah princess you're welcome. Gotta name her though.” He pats her back.

“She looks like a Bree to me.” The little girl steps back and hugs her doll once more. Arie places the toy next to the other gifts she had received and starts making introductions to them all.

“Alright. You can open the rest whenever you want.” Henry chuckles and then makes his way to Chris. He knows she's in the kitchen. “I want you to have this.” He holds out a velvet box. “They were at the house for some reason. Should be with the rest of his stuff.” He nods in the direction of the shadowbox in the hallway.

Chrissy wipes her hand on a towel and opens it. She runs her fingers over a few of the objects. “His medals?” 

Henry nods. “Yeah.”

“Thank you. I know how much these must mean to you. Are you sure?”

The old man nods again. “Chris. I really am sorry...for everything. I…” He clears his throat and studies her face. “Thanks again for having me over. It means a lot. And I will keep trying to be a better man. Promise.”

* * *

Bucky puts his beer on the coffee table, leans back in the chair and continues to smile down at the small child playing with her toys. Wanda’s sitting on the floor next to the little girl, apparently she’s suppose to help Arie with the tea set or something. At first Arie had tried to get Bucky to assist her, but he’d only given her a puzzled look and then Wanda had taken over. Thank the Lord. The Soldier continues to drink and tries to just relax. 

“Thanks for not skinning me alive.” The old man glances over his shoulder to make sure that Chris is still in the kitchen as he takes a seat in the opposite chair. “So, is the kid...yours? Or...”

Bucky almost spits out his beer. He's wiping his mouth and coughing. What the hell?

“Sorry, it's just. Cons been gone for a few years and she's about the right age if Chris would have settled down with another man…”

“No. No.” Bucky waves his hand and continues to cough a few more times. “Orphaned. She's from a rescue mission.”

“Oh. I see.” The old man sighs a bit disappointed and heartbroken for the small child. Henry looks back at the little one playing happily. He resolves to love her regardless. Family. “Chris can't have kids now can she? The car crash...” The other man nods and Henry exhales heavily. All those things he said to her in the past. “You guys still trying though?”

Again Bucky almost drowns. “What?” The Soldier wipes his mouth with his free hand and makes sure he doesn’t need to change his shirt. “Jesus. No. We’re...me and her. We're not a...it's not like that.”

“Right.” The old man laughs. “Oh you're serious. I thought the two of you were...Oh. this is awkward.” He laughs. 

“Yah think?” Bucky runs a hand over his mouth.

“Why aren't you two kids…”

“Right. This conversation is a not here or ever type.” He warns with a lifted brow.

* * *

“I’m gonna force Clint to get some rest.” Nat sighs as she looks out the window towards the men standing around the firepit. “He’s been having a really rough time sleeping. Maybe the Holidays will tucker him out a bit.” 

“Here’s to your room being at the far end of the home.” Wanda winks as she raises her glass in a mock toast. 

Licking her bright red lips, Nat sits back on one of the stools by the island. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, you’ll be too busy talking to your friend.” The red headed woman laughs gently.

Chrissy is finishing putting away a few of the dishes as she continues to listen to the two women banter playfully back and forth. Yeah, not a conversation she’ll join in. She knows where the barbs would be tossed next. Instead, she pulls out another bottle of wine, opens it and fills their glasses.

“And what about you?” Wanda raises a brow in her friend’s direction and passes a knowing gaze with Nat. “Plans for the evening?”

Chrissy takes a seat and runs a hand through her hair. Tired and sore. “Me? Yeah. Drink this and sleep like a baby. I never get to drink anymore.” She laughs, while checking over her shoulder quickly making sure that her overprotective male friends remain outside. “And it’s been awhile since I got to hang out with other women.” 

“Ariana sleeping?” Nat enquires. Chrissy nods. “Looks like she had a great time.”

“Yeah.” Chrissy agrees. “I know what you’re doing. Please don’t.”

“Alright.” Nat offers a gentle grin. “Just wanna see you happy.” 

Chrissy reaches across the counter and grips her friend’s hand. “I am, silly.” The Widow’s eyes drift back to the window. 

The other woman takes a sip of her drink and her smirk lessens. “If he ever...anything.” Nat squeezes the other woman’s fingers gently. “Steve wouldn’t be able to hide him from me. You understand?” 

Chrissy laughs and tilts her head back. “Love you too.” 

“Wow. That was tense.” Wanda, God bless her, breaks the awkward silence and the woman laugh. “Can we just drink and pretend to be normal?”

* * *

“You shouldn’t have drank that much.” Bucky scolds his friend gently. It’s Christmas. Did he really expect her not to be an adult and do things she normally does? She’s only a bit tipsy, three glasses she said, regardless, he doesn’t like it. Maybe she can’t count. What if this aggravates her head? He sighs with slight amusement as watches her struggle with the zipper of her dress. Wait, why is she doing that here, in the room, while he’s standing right there?

“Could you?” She points with her thumb to the back of her dress. “I can’t on a good day. Nat helped earlier. Now I’m stuck.” 

Shaking his head, he makes his way over to her and does as she requests. Skin of her bear back and shoulder blades in view. Yeah, that was a bad idea. Hands resting on the sides of her arms as she turns around. “I’m gonna shower.” He informs, eyes suddenly focusing on the floor. Cold water. Freezing. Yup. “You need anything?” 

“No.” The woman smiles as she takes a step closer. “Thanks. Just getting ready for bed as well.”

Bucky swallows, throat dry. He coughs. “Ok.” Wow it’s warm in here. “I’ll just...uh...be a few minutes.” Please dear God let her be sleeping when he comes back out. A yelp almost escapes him when he steps in the frigid waters. Alright, maybe this was also a bad idea. Whatever. Get cleaned up real quick and get out. 

And of course she’s not sleeping. Only sitting at the end of the bed, legs crossed as she goes through the pictures on her camera. For some reason, although Chrissy’s smiling, she also looks sad. The Soldier sits down beside her, hands still running the towel through his damp hair. 

“Hey!” He spots a picture of him and Ariana sleeping on the sofa chair. It’s a very sweet photo. One that could ruin his reputation as a scary assassin. Grinning, he takes her Nikon away and starts to go through the pictures on this thing. “What else did you take?” He snickers. “There better not be any nudes on here.” He teases.

The woman’s hands wrap around his arm as he continues to flip through the images. “I’m gonna miss her.” She bites her bottom lip and sighs. 

“Yeah. I know. “ He’s not admitting anything. Only acknowledging that he understands. “Sorry.” Bucky’s hands the camera back, shoulders dropping. God he feels bad. This kid could stay if he wasn’t here. 

“What for?” Chrissy giggles. “I really enjoyed my time with her. And tomorrow will be really hard to see her go. But I’m not ready to have a kid running around here permanently. Has nothing to do with you, so don’t do that to yourself.” She notices the metal chain hanging around his neck. Her fingers tug on the beads gently and she runs her fingers over the smooth metal of the tags. “It was a nice visit. Thank-you.” Her fingers release the chain and she rests her head on his shoulder.

Clearing his throat and straightening his back, the Soldier sighs lightly. “How’s your head doing?” Change the subject, this is a bit depressing.

“Fine, actually.” Chrissy giggles lightly. “Don’t worry. I’m not putting wine back on the menu for me yet.” She can hear a breath of relief leave his lungs.

* * *

Thank God. The kid doesn’t cry and doesn’t put up a fuss. Bucky bends down on his knee, adjusts her scarf and promises to have her back on the farm for another visit. Ariana wraps her arms around his neck and thanks him. “I’m gonna miss you and Chance.” The small girl giggles. 

“Yeah. Me too kid.” He squeezes her small frame gently and then stands. 

“You gonna teach me to swim?” She looks up at him with those large eyes. 

The Soldier nods. “Sure. If the lake isn’t frozen on your next visit.” 

Ariana’s smile grows. “Chrissy.” She tugs on the woman’s coat who’s speaking with Aunt Wanda. “Chrissy.”

“Yes sweetie?” Chrissy can’t help but smile down at the little girl. 

“You’ll tell Henry I said bye. Right?” She sees the woman nod. “Ok. Good.” Fidgeting and hugging her doll, Ariana sighs. “I’m gonna miss you. A whole bunch. Can I call you?” Chrissy nods trying not to laugh at the child’s behavior. “Ok.”

When Chrissy bends down to pick up the little girl, Ariana all but leaps into her arms. “You be a good girl ok? I promise, we’ll have you over for more visits.”

“Ok! And I’ll be good. Promise.” Ariana sniffs. 

“Thanks for visiting.” Chrissy hugs the kid a little tighter and then puts her down. 

The Quinjet takes off, snow dancing in the wind in the wake of its departure. Chrissy tucks her hands into her pockets and heads back towards the house. It’s going to be so quiet now with just the two of them here. After she removes her boots and coat, she heads into the kitchen and puts a kettle on the stove. 

“You ok?” Bucky’s standing near the island. Arms crossed, he’s starting to think that maybe his surprise did more harm than good. 

Chrissy’s smiling and staring out the window. “I’m good. Thanks.” An arm squeezes her shoulders as her friend pulls her close. “You really gonna teach her to swim?” She laughs when she hears him let out an exasperated breath. “Alright. I can’t lie. I’m looking forward to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So for those of you who are not Canadian. Yes there is a difference between American and Canadian dog tags. For fun just google some images/facts and you’ll see. The biggest difference is the way they hang on a chain and the overall look. Thought that would be of interest for anyone who wanted to know.


	19. Chapter 19: Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another chapter already?! You better believe it. And damn, you all really loved that last chapter. Fewf. That’s good, because we are about to start one hell of a crazy ride. And if I’m saying that, well...Before I do that, I promise a bit of cute in this chapter, because I can just feel the questions and omg wtfs coming my way soon. LOL. If you are someone who gets teary eyed easily, well I would suggest some tissues in hand. Hey, at least I warned yah. 
> 
> As always, R&R and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 19: Relief **

 

Clanging of pots and pans, laughter and the sound of more dishes banging together. What the hell are they doing over there? Chrissy’s helping Pierre clean the kitchen and the dishes. Stevens had invited them to dinner and Bucky didn’t have a hard time agreeing to tag along, especially after seeing how quiet she’d been the past few days. These two men really know how to take an awkward situation and toss it out the window. Perfect. 

According to Chrissy, Stevens and Pierre are quiet about their relationship but they don't hide it. Bucky can only recall a little bit of what it was like for two people of the same sex to love each other back in his day. From what he can remember, the attention a same sex couple would receive should the news of their relationship become public, was never positive.

“Here, Andy. Just remember, not a bar wench.” Pierre hands Stevens a drink and they share a smile between the two of them. Love. Why would anyone ever be bothered by this? At least they’re open about the way they feel about each other. When the Doctor looks back towards his new friend, Bucky offers a polite nod.

Sitting in awkward silence, Bucky debates internally what would be considered standard protocol in a social setting like this. “Pierre and Chrissy seem to get along great.” The Soldier remarks. “Probably because she can tolerate him in the kitchen.”

Stevens laughs and his nerves seem too calm down. “Yeah. All I ever get is a slap on the hand or scowled for swiping stuff when I go in there.”

Bucky snickers. “Same.” Tension gone. “So Andy huh? What’s that short for? Andrew?”

The other man nods. “And you? Bucky.” Teeth flashing quickly as the man grins. 

“Believe it or not. It’s short for James.” The two men laugh.

The Doctor clears his throat and folds his arms over his chest, his focus now fully on the other man across the dining table. “How's Chris been doing? I haven't received any more phone calls so I assume…” He trails off and sighs.

“She has her good and bad days. The bad days haven't been anywhere near as intense as before.” Bucky shrugs.

“Good.” The doc says relieved. “I'll get her a milder prescription. And then we can go from there.” Stevens smiles and the Soldier catches him quickly looking at his gloved hand. “You really don't need to hide anything here. Won't bother either of us.”

“Alright.” Bucky licks his lips and nods. “Works both ways.” Blue eyes drift towards the kitchen when he hears more laughter.

Stevens exhales lightly and nods. “I know you're mind set is from a time where...wasn't sure if...even though Chris said not to worry.”

The Soldier smirks and then chews at his inner cheek. “You're more concerned about that then with what I've done, what I am? And I'm in your home.” 

“Well...yeah.” The doc scoffs. “Chris trusts you. That's good enough in my books. And I can see the concern you have when she's stubborn or ill. Or both. Don’t think you’re a bad guy. And she did give me a run down of sorts.”

Bucky still thinks this is entire conversation is a little odd. Maybe these men feel this way only because they haven’t really witnessed what the Winter Soldier is really capable of. Hopefully it stays that way. “For the record, none of this bothers me. You're good men and care for Chrissy. You don't have anything to hide.” Bucky snickers. “I on the other hand…” He stares down at his prosthetic and removes his hand from the table. “Have lots to be ashamed of.”

“How are you liking the farm?” What a kind man to change the subject.

The Soldier has a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Keeps me busy.”

“I bet.” The doctor winks.

At the end of the night they all say their goodbyes. As Chrissy and Bucky walk down the driveway to the Chev, the two men stand on the front porch. “They're cute together.” Pierre confesses. “Don't tell me that you don't agree.” All he receives as an answer from Andy is a snort and a laugh. “Haven't seen Chris in a while and the last time she had that look in her eye was with Connor.”

“Did she say anything to you?” Stevens asks over his shoulder. Pierre shakes his head and bites his lower lip, knowing full well where this conversation is going. “Then don't say a word.” He warns poorly with a chuckle. “You know how she is.”

“He's kind of cute.” Pierre crosses his arms and has to suppress a laugh when Andy looks back at him. “In a rugged, macho, don't introduce to your parents kind of way.” He chuckles.

“So not your type?” The Doc lifts a brow.

“Oh Lord. Jealous?” Pierre wraps his arms around Stevens waist and places his chin on the other man’s shoulder. “You're stuck with me. Besides, that man has it bad for Chris.” He chuckles as he walks away. “I wouldn’t have a chance.”

* * *

_“Ms.Meilleur. Victor is heading down the driveway.”_ The A.I informs. Chrissy sets down her tea and book to look out the large living room window. With just a few days until they head out for Tony’s New Year’s Eve party, she can’t think of anything that would be arriving. Did she order something? Not that she can think of. 

“Bucky. Are you expecting a delivery?” She asks when she hears him make his way down the stairs.

The Soldier heads for the door just incase the delivery guy needs a hand again. “Nope. Why? You’re not expecting anything?” He can see her scanning the itinerary on her phone. 

The woman shakes her head. “I have nothing scheduled to arrive.” This would usually be considered odd, given the type of facility this place ‘actually’ is. Chrissy always knows what’s coming and going. Has too. Security measures. But seeing as it’s still the holidays she shrugs it off. “Could be that Dave sent something.”

The large bulky man makes his way up the stairs, before he can knock on the door, Bucky’s already opening it. “James. Uhm, got a small one here today.” Vic hands over a parcel no bigger than a shoebox. 

Chrissy makes her way over and quickly signs his electronic scanner. “Want some Christmas baking?” She offers with a wink.

“I would, but I need to get moving. Boss’s real edgy right now. T’is the season.” The man lets out a puff of air and starts heading down the stairs. “How bout a rain check?” The burly man hops back into his delivery truck.

“Alright. Next time I’ll have something prepackaged for you.” Chrissy waves as he leaves and honks the horn quickly. “They’re probably real busy this time of year.” She takes a seat on the couch and starts to examine the package. Her name and address, but no return sender and no company name. Weird.

“Wait.” Bucky places a hand on the box. Something’s off. 

Chrissy raises a brow and looks up at him. She can see the wheels turning in his head as he continues to stare at the item in her hands. “I know. Risky. But sometimes...that’s life. We need to just keep pushing ahead.” She continues to unwrap the box and every second it takes her has his muscles tensing that much more.

Her finger finds the tape on the edges and peel it back. When she pushes the lid up she gasps. “Oh this is gorgeous.” Delicately she pulls out a beautiful snow globe. Inside is a scenery of a mountain, lake and some deer. On the ice are three children skating. “With love. Merry Christmas Taunt. See you soon.” Chrissy turns the small key and the little figurines begin to skate around. “Aww the kids must of sent this. So cute. I hope they got everything I shipped there.”

Bucky tilts his head to the side and studies the item in her hands. He lets out a shaky breath and allows his head hang. Jesus. Why must he always assume the worst first? The woman at his side places the globe on the coffee table. Her fingers wrap around his wrist. 

“It’s ok. Don’t feel embarrassed. I get why you were worried. Could have been something malicious. But you can’t let the fear of not knowing stop you from doing something. Now, I’m not saying you should always throw caution to the wind. But once and awhile…” A warm smile as she regards the poor man.

After a few minutes he finally looks at the snow globe once more. “Gonna be the first item in your new cabinet I think.” A shaky voice that he hopes she either doesn’t notice or ignores.

“Hey. You’re right. First you gotta bring it into the house.” She laughs when he rolls his eyes.

* * *

First time for everything. Being in New York with her friends to celebrate New Year's Eve, yup it's a first. Chrissy's eyes scan the horizon. There's so much going on. Fireworks, light shows, noise and music. It’s all just so loud and there’s so much of it. She's content and happy to be here, but it's not somewhere she could spend her life. Visits only. A cool breeze seems to blow right through her form fitting dress and it forces her to shiver. Just a few more minutes she tells herself.

The rumble of music and noise from Tony’s party had started to get to her, so Chrissy decided to get some fresh air and just a few minutes of somewhat quiet time. Pain at the base of her neck and temples, she tries to relax. Just wait for it to calm down. Should be fine. Chrissy sighs. She misses being carefree.

A door slides open and shuts. “What are you doing out here without a jacket? Aren't you cold?” Bucky asks in a disapproving tone as he drapes an arm around her shoulders. Chrissy takes this opportunity to lean into him. He's so warm.

“A little. But it helps.” She winces and rubs the back of her neck with her fingertips.

“Need anything?” 

Chrissy sighs contently. “I'm good thanks. Just needed a moment away from everything. Count down is going to be loud, so I was trying to sneak away.” She giggles.

And is it ever deafening. They can hear the crowd counting down as if there's a shuttle about to take off. Bucky's arm flexes as he rests his chin on the top of her head. When she shivers and rubs her arms, he pulls her close and opens his jacket, wrapping a part of the leather coat around her. 

Confetti, balloons. Jesus what a mess. Bucky chuckles lightly, glad that he won’t be the one to clean up that chaos. “Hey Uhm... Would it be ok if I…if we...” He looks down at her, gaze lingering on the sight of Chrissy’s lips and then his focus returns to her eyes. Permission. “Tradition. Right?” A nervous chuckle escapes him.

“Course.” 

Chewing on his own lip, Bucky dips down and she in turn steps up on the tips of her toes. Lips softly caressing. His arm wraps around her waist as she grips his jacket to keep him near. He'd love to deepen this kiss, but it's meant to be short and sweet, and that’s just fine. Already, it's longer than either of them had intended. 

“Happy New Year.” Chrissy whispers contently as she pulls away. 

Thumb rubbing her jaw, he smiles against her mouth. Arms circle around his frame as she rests the side of her face against his chest. Another cool breeze, another tremor runs through her, so Bucky hugs her closely. One time deal, he tells himself, so enjoy the moment and don’t let it happen again. Right.

When Chrissy looks up at him, she can’t help but laugh. “Guess I shouldn't have worn lipstick.” Lips are pressed together as she tries not to laugh anymore. Her thumb wipes away the pink smear on his mouth. “Sorry.” She giggles as a blush creeps up his neck.

“That was...nice.” He admits, forehead resting against her own. Really, there are plenty of words he could use to describe that small act. Terrifying. Amazing. Perfect. But nice will do. Her arms wrap around his neck and a warm smile spreads across her face. “You know...a fella could get used to that sort of thing.” Maybe, this year will be a good one. Hell he hasn’t had a good one in at least sixty five or so years. Maybe he’ll catch a break. Who’s he kidding? Enjoy this small moment and get your head out of the clouds.

“Is that right?” Chrissy can feel her cheeks getting warm. Bucky's eyes are shut as he nods. “You're right. That was nice.”

“Wanted to tell you earlier that... you look great.”

“Thanks Sweetie. You clean up rather well yourself.” Another shiver. The Soldier removes his jacket, places it over her shoulders and pulls her in close, surrounding her with his body heat. 

When she looks up at him, intending to ask if he’s doing alright with the party and large crowd, Bucky places another kiss on her lips. This one is way deeper and has far more intent behind it. Chrissy can't help but melt into the sensation. Fingers reach up to tangle in the hair at the back of his head. Metallic hand presses on the small of her back. Tender and affectionate, but it has nothing to do with New Years. Fueled by longing and filled with warmth. Both of them know it. Neither will admit it. Having someone else’s tongue push past your lips, into your mouth and allowing the kiss to intensify is not innocent or a gesture of friendship. Far beyond that. This is not a friendly kiss at all. She shouldn’t be able to tell what liquor he’d been drinking before meeting her on the balcony.

When Bucky pulls back gently, breathing slightly heavier, Chrissy's forced to duck her face out of view so that he can't see the shade of red spreading across her cheeks. His chest vibrates with soft laughter when he sees how bashful she's being. “Did that make you uncomfortable or are you hiding for a different reason?” A nervous hitch in his tone. 

He thinks that he’s done something wrong. Realizing that she needs to say something, Chrissy clears her throat. “I…just wasn't expecting that.” Fingers run along the zipper of his jacket that’s keeping her warm. Cheeks feel like they are burning now. 

“Oh.” His arms stiffen around her. Maybe he overstepped a boundary. One time deal, remember? Maybe it was supposed to remain platonic and he took her casualness over the situation as an unintended open invitation. “I...uhm. It...won't happen again.” He's about to leave, but Chrissy's grip on him tightens.

“Where are you going? I didn't say that it was a problem.” She flashes him a quick smile that Bucky returns and then Chrissy leans into him. 

“Wanna head inside?” He can feel her hands rubbing his back. She's content, but it's cold out here and he doesn't want her to fall ill. “You owe me a dance anyways.” He’s trying to find an excuse that will force her back indoors and change the topic.

“Yeah, you're right. And it seems to have calm down a bit in there.” Bucky grabs her hand and leads her back inside. 

As soon as they make it back to the common room, Tony greets them. He shakes Bucky’s hand and kisses Chrissy on the forehead. “You ok?”

“I'm fine.” She reassures and hugs him tightly. “Happy New Year Tony.”

“Happy New Year Kiddo.” Tony smiles brightly. “Look after her would yah? Gotta check on a few things.” Stark pats the Soldier's back and makes his way over to Nat.

“Buck. There you are.” Steve shakes the other man's hand and pulls him into a quick hug. “So glad that you're here.” So far, these past few months, although bumpy, have been the best for these two men in a long while.

“Me too pal.” Bucky pats his friend on the shoulder and clears his throat.

“Chris. Happy New Year.” The Captain bends slightly and allows her to place a kiss on his cheek.

Chrissy hugs him quickly and he returns her embrace. It's taking Steve a bit of effort but she can tell that he's doing his very best not to squeeze her too tightly. “Happy New Year Sweetie. Where's Sharon?”

“Oh well... she was called to the office. She'll be back in a little bit.” Steve grins. He clears his throat, nerves. “How's your head Chris?” The woman shrugs her shoulders. “Yeah. Thought it might be a bit much. Buck's looking after you though?”

“Like a shadow.” Chrissy laughs and pats Bucky's arm. “I'm gonna find Wanda. You boys go ahead and try to get drunk.”

“Hey don't think you're getting out of that dance.” The Soldier reminds over his shoulder.

“I know. I know.”

Steve lifts a brow, smirks and hands his friend a drink. “So?”

“What?” 

Rogers rolls his eyes and laughs. “Don't give me that. You know what I'm talking about.”

“Nope.” Bucky grins and downs the whiskey. “And shut up.” He scoffs. “Wasn't like that.”

“Uh huh.” The Captain grips his shoulder. “You really are thick headed. Pretty girl like that, looking like that.” Steve glances in Chrissy’s direction. “And nothing crossed your mind. Right.”

“Didn't say that.” Buck laughs and shakes his head. “Besides your one to talk. Where's the blonde?”

“Sharon.” Steve reminds. “And it’s a second date. Of sorts. At least I can admit I like the gal before I introduce her to people. It’s not like I'm living with the woman. By the way, think you got some lipstick here.” The Captain points to the corner of his own mouth and laughs loudly when Bucky quickly wipes his lips and jaw with his palm. 

The Soldier offers a stern glare when he realizes that the other man is fibbing. “You're lucky I'm in a good mood. Or I'd hit you.” The two men laugh and continue drinking.

“Christine! Happy New Year!” Wanda embraces her friend tightly, a slight happy wiggle to the way she sways about.

“You too sweetie. You having a good time?” Chrissy asks and the other woman nods.

“Just not one for big crowds yet.” The Witch pulls away and rubs her arm. 

“I know. But hey, I'm here. If you need anything. A breath of fresh air. A walk. Glass of wine. Whatever. You let me know.” Chrissy offers.

“Thanks. That means a lot.” Wanda exclaims. “So I saw you two.” She gushes as her eyes linger over to James. “Such a sweet moment. Made my teeth hurt. Turned away before your PDA became inappropriate.” The Witch snickers as she sips her drink.

Chrissy rolls her eyes. “New year's kiss. Nothing to get excited about.”

“Uh huh…” Wanda lifts her brow. “Longest kiss between friends I've ever seen. And you have a souvenir.” The Witch refers to the jacket as she pours a glass of wine and hands it to her friend. “Was it nice at least?”

Chrissy stares at her drink and then smiles fondly. “I was cold and yes it was really nice.”

“I have to admit. He's a handsome guy. But he sure does look good when he tries. Should tie his hair back more often.” Wanda continues to sip her drink with an amused grin. “Not trying to impress you my ass.” She scoffs. 

“So anything to report?” Chrissy crosses her arms and Wanda almost spits out her wine. “Yeah that's right. I know what you're doing.” Chrissy giggles. 

“No. Nothing.” Wanda wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

Chrissy lifts an amused brow and decides to drop the subject. “Where's Nat by the way? Haven't seen her for a while.”

“Not sure.” Wanda answers and then grimaces. She places a hand near her temple. “Get behind me.” The Witch readies herself and stands protectively before her friend.

“What's going…” Just as Chrissy places her glass on the table, an explosion is heard that rattles the building. The doors burst open and the windows shatters all around them. Smoke, red flashing lights and alarms.

“Stay with me.” Wanda informs and Chrissy nods. 

Rumlo and a few ops rush into the room. Steve and Bucky are doing the best they can to keep them from the rest of the people in the area.

“Clear the room. Second exit.” Sam shouts as he helps direct the crowd away from the brawl.

Wanda is using her powers to send a few of their opponents out the window. “Behind the bar. There's a few handguns.” She informs. “I'll cover you.”

Chrissy bolts for the bar and ducks as glass and parts of the wall bust. She finds a few of the weapons, pops in a clip and fires off a few rounds at targets she can hit without hurting anyone else. Her eyes scan the area. Steve is occupied with Rumlo and Bucky is busy with a hand full of men. She doesn't have a clear shot. Just as she glances over at Tony, who's now suiting up, she spots something outside.

“Tony!” 

The Ironman turns to see more of those damned robots heading his way. “Right.” The face mask drops and he takes off. “Follow me tin cans.” A few of them chase after Stark, while two of them land and make their way towards the two Soldiers. The men are too busy to even notice the threat. One of the robots lifts its arm and points it at Barnes. So Chrissy takes a shot and hits it in the neck. Sentry number two notices this and makes its way towards her. 

Steve is on the machine within seconds, Rumlo left behind in the rubble. “Chris. Find Sam. Move.” 

She backs away quickly and makes her way past Wanda. She needs to get out of here so they can focus. Just as Chrissy turns the corner, Crossbones grabs her by the arm.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He raises his fist and Chrissy shoots him in the thigh. “Bitch!” He yells out in pain. “You're gonna pay for that.” He stands up and marches towards her. Chrissy takes another shot and it ricochets off of his armor. Uh oh. Another shot and same thing. Fuck. 

He slaps the weapon from her hand and grabs Chrissy by the throat, lifting her a few inches off the ground. She elbows him in the visor and punches him in the throat. Nothing. Vision becoming foggy as she struggles to breathe, Chrissy can see Bucky's blurry outline quickly approach. Metal arm crashing down on the one restraining her. She falls to the floor gasping.

“You're kind of sweet on her aren't yah?” Rumlo laughs. “Pathetic.” He charges the Soldier with a flying knee and misses. Bucky swings and lands a blow in the man's chest. “Play time's over. Need you to get back to work.”

“Yeah. That's not gonna happen.” Bucky knees the man in the ribs and then lands a left swing on the other man's jaw. 

“Hey sorry if slapping your woman around made you all pissy. But I really must insist.” Rumlo pulls out a plastic gun and shoots Barnes in the neck with some sort of tiny darts. Feeling the sting, Bucky quickly pulls out the needles. “Well shit…”

The Soldier blinks forcefully a few times and then marches forward. He kicks the other man, forcing him to bend over in pain and then elbows him in the back.

“I told them it wouldn't work, too low of a dose. You're a lost cause. Can’t figure out why they want you back so bad.” Rumlo hisses. Just as Barnes is about to take another swing, Crossbones ducks and runs back towards the main room.

Angered, Bucky is about to chase after him, but then he remembers Chrissy back on the floor. “You ok?” He asks, hands gripping her shoulders.

Chrissy nods and then there's another explosion, blowing out the wall beside them. Bucky does his best to hug and shield her from the blast. They land together in the next room. Ears ringing, dust floating in the air, the Soldier opens his eyes and lifts the rubble off of his back. Light finally making its way into the room, he spots Chrissy passed out under him. Oh no. Don’t do this to me.

Urgently he pushes everything off. Holding her face, heart racing in his throat he calls her name a few times. Bucky can't even hear his own words yet. Quickly he checks her pulse. It's strong, she's just out. Her head. Oh God. 

Gently his prosthetic is placed under her neck and his other arm under her knees. Lifting her slowly he carefully manages his way through the debris. He needs to find Tony. She almost seems lifeless the way her head rests against him. Bucky doesn't know what he's saying, but he keeps talking to her, hoping she can hear his voice. And really it's the only thing keeping him calm at the moment. “I'm gonna find Tony. Hang on.”

Steve rushes towards Bucky as he makes his way past what’s left of the common room. “Jesus. Let's find Stark.”

“I took most of it...but she...Steve, help her. Please.” The Soldier’s words are so shaky as he pleads, he can barely recognize his own voice.

“Come on. This way.”

* * *

Chrissy wakes up in her room. Bucky's sitting on the sofa, hands in his hair, elbows on his knees. When Chrissy looks down at herself, she can see that she's still in her dress. It's covered in dirt, torn and stained. “Damnit.” She sighs. “I really liked that dress.”

Bucky’s attention snaps to her form. He covers his mouth and takes a seat on the side of the bed. He lets out a deep breath and his shoulders drop as he looks to the ceiling and silently says thank you. “It was Tony’s who suggested to have you rest in your room, he thought you’d prefer this over the medical bay. They did a few scans and tests. Results were looked over by Doctor Cho. Apparently, nothing severe or new.”

“Well that’s good. And yeah, Tony was right.” Tony, that man knows her so well. He knew she’d appreciate being in her room. Not a fan of hospitals or anything remotely resembling them. Chrissy pushes up with her elbows. “I need to get cleaned up.” His hands are gripping her arms and helping her to sit up. “I'm alright sweetie.” She tries to smile but ends up grimacing.

Tilting her chin up, Bucky checks on her injuries. Small scrapes here and there and ugly bruising around her throat. He sighs. Next time he meets up with Rumlo, Bucky’s fairly certain that the other man won’t be breathing by the time he’s done. “Don't ever scare me like that again. Do you hear me?” A serious tone. Eyes moist and full of fear. “Sorry…” He hugs her tightly, she can hear the anxiety in his heart as it hammers away in his chest. “You can get cleaned up. That door is to remain unlocked and open ajar. I'll let Stark know that you're awake.” He places a lingering kiss on her temple. “Jesus Christ. You scared the shit out of me.” He sniffs, it’s the leftover dust bothering him. Sure.

“I’m ok.” She squeezes his form. “When I'm done you need to get washed up. You look horrible.” As usual, still trying for humor. As usual he grunts his disapproval. 

“Don't worry about me.” He stands, offers his hands and helps her make her way to the washroom.

“I miss my soaker tub.” She scoffs.

“Yeah, having a place to drown is not a good idea right now.” Bucky turns the water on in the shower and leaves the washroom. “Don't be long or I'll come in here and pull you out naked.” He warns and he means business. She scared him enough for one day. 

A quick shower has all the dust and gunk washed off. She steps out to find fresh clothes neatly piled on the counter. Her cheeks flush when she realizes that he did in fact go through her undies. Yup, that's embarrassing. Probably grabbed the first pair he found, still. 

“Better?” He stands and makes his way to her side.

“Yeah.” She sits down on the bed, muscles aching Chrissy hisses as she brings her legs up.

“Are you hungry. Do you want anything?”

“No. I'm fine. Thanks. Go shower.” Chrissy lies back and covers her eyes with her forearm. “I promise to stay right here.”

It must take him only five minutes, but he's showered and changed into a pair of track pants. Bucky dries off his hair and sits down beside her with a huff. “Can you…” He sighs offering tape and gauze. “I can't reach.” Another exhale through his nose. “Needs to be covered while it heals...which won’t take long.”

Chrissy nods, takes the items from him and sits ups. “Oh my. That's a pretty bad burn.” She wraps the wound between his shoulder blades and tapes it down. That’ll keep bacteria out at least.

“From the blast.” He informs. When she's done he takes the medical items and places them on the nightstand. “I'm staying here.” This is not up for debate. The Soldier lies down and she follows. Shuffling closer to him, hand resting on his bare chest, Chrissy relaxes and starts to feel the weight of fatigue.

When she opens her eyes, she's greeted with large worried blue ones. Chrissy places a hand on the side of his face. “I'm ok. Promise.” He shuts his eyelids and nods. “I'll go see doctor Cho in the morning ok.” Another nod and his arms tighten around her. “Sweetie…” She breathes out, he is squeezing a tad too tight. “I need to breathe.” A small laugh and he loosens his hold on her.

That urge to kiss him to offer some sort of reassurance arises and she quickly brushes it aside. But when Bucky looks down at her, completely miserable, she sighs and places the lightest kiss possible on his bottom lip that he returns gently. Chrissy pulls away and rests her head on his shoulder. “Did they get away?”

“Yeah.” The Soldier replies while clearing his throat. “It’s ok. We know what they wanted.” His thumb forms anxious circles on her shoulder.

Yawning, Chrissy tries to continue the discussion. “Oh yeah. What’s that?” 

“Me.” He exhales. “You were just in the way. I'm sorry. Don't ever want to see you hurt. Especially because of…” The memory of her lying motionless beneath him has him sniffing sadly and trying not to let his voice crack with distress.

“Shhh.” She hushes. “Not your fault. Rest.”

“I thought that…” Bucky clears his throat roughly. A shaky breath leaves his lips as he settles beside her. Metallic hand massages the tender spots of her neck. “But you're alright.” Can’t they ever catch a break? Even during a month that’s suppose to be filled with joy, they’re getting kicked while they’re still down.

The minutes and hours of the night tick by slowly as he lies beside her. Chrissy’s sleeping deeply. The scruff of his chin brushes against her temple when she stirs in her sleep. Squeezing her gently he knows he won't be sleeping tonight. Anxiety swarming in his gut. That was close. Way too close. And Hydra, they know. Rumlo went straight for her. And Bucky’s fairly certain that Chrissy has come to the same conclusion. Everyone knows. But they're too stubborn and thick headed to admit anything to themselves or each other. Bucky huffs out a long breath. Wow, maybe they're the idiots in all of this.

Doesn't matter what they do about this thing between them. Hydra will try to use her or Steve against him. Stay. Leave. It won't change a thing. Best to stay close to those he cares about. 

Alright Barnes. Think of something else. That kiss? That was something else, wasn’t it? A smug voice in the back of his mind. The memory of her lips against his, her tongue in his mouth. His heart begins to race. K, no. Bad idea. Don’t think about that. What about Barf? Yeah. What you gonna do about that?

* * *

They’ve been home for just over a week. The more he thinks on recent events. The more it’s clear to him that something needs to be done. At least as a precaution. He can’t go into hiding again. It’s not an option. But maybe he could make it so that if he were ever captured or caught off guard for somehow, they’d have a hell of a time starting from scratch.

“Hey.” Chrissy sits down on the steps beside the Soldier who’s sitting in the freezing cold. 

“I think I want to go ahead with Tony’s suggestion.” Not surprised by this admission, Chrissy exhales a shaky breath. Her hands wrap around his upper arm. “I'm just...exhausted. Tired of being on edge all the time because I might snap and kill someone. Or constantly worried that they’ll find some alternative way to trigger me.” Trigger. This makes him sound like some sort of machine. And in the eyes of the wrong people, that’s all he is, a weapon. For the first time, Bucky’s finally starting to look at himself as more than just some object of destruction. Not a thing. A person.

“It's your choice. I'll support whatever you want to do.” Metallic hand squeezes her knee gently, she in turn covers his knuckles with her hand.

“You know that you're allowed to disagree with me if you think I'm about to do something stupid right?” He laughs.

“Trust me, you'd know if I thought you were doing something I disapproved of. This isn't one of those times. It's your life and your body. Your choice. I'm just worried, about the what ifs. You know…”

“Yeah. I know.” He smiles. “Can I ask you something a little...awkward?” He clears his throat. His smile fades a little, but it's still there. 

Chrissy nods and he takes a deep inhale. “Well, when you put it like that…” She snickers, having an idea on where this conversation is headed.

The Soldier’s still smiling at her, even when Chrissy forces herself to stop looking at him. She suddenly finds the metal of his knuckles fascinating. Her fingers run over the top of his hand. Bucky knows what she's doing. Ignoring that feeling in her gut. The same one he has. The same one that has him debating going ahead with anything.

His index tilts her face up, but her eyes continue to focus on anything but him. That’s a first, and for some reason it kind of stings when she refuses to look in his direction. “I...we...I mean...” He lets out a breath of frustration. Running a hand through his hair he chews at his inner lip. “You and me...are we...is there something more here?” Bucky waves his right hand in between them. “Because this...we seem a little more than the usual friendship, or is that just me?”

The woman looks like she feels a bit uncomfortable with this topic. This isn’t the right time for this discussion. “We...I don’t know. Maybe?” 

“How come we can lie together in bed or wherever...or we can comfort one another in different ways…” Bucky sighs as she refuses to bring her attention up to his face. “Come on. Look at me.” 

Chrissy presses her lips together and shakes her head. “Uh uh. No.” She can’t, she knows that at this very moment they’d both be far too weak and what that could lead to. It’s not the appropriate time for this conversation. She’s not about to let this sabotage any of his plans.

“But when it comes to anything more...seems that we both cower from it.” He chuckles, her current attitude proving his point. “Why?” He whispers, thumb running the length of her jaw, breath on her brow. “Look at me.” 

“I can’t...you know why. This really isn’t the right time to...” She continues to refuse to even glance in his direction.

“Is that why you're so nervous with this whole idea?” The Soldier cuts her off mid sentence and shakes his head. He’s annoyed with her behavior and frustrated and doesn’t really understand the reason behind it. 

“Partially.” She admits and folds her hands over her knees. “But it’s not the only reason. You know that. All I want is for you to do what you think is right.”

“You know I might lose everything again...and that scares you. Well, that's the way my brain works sweetheart. It's the way I work doll.” He scoffs and shrugs his shoulders. She’s too nice right now and it’s aggravating him. He wants her to tell him that he’s making a bad decision. Disagree with him, yell at him, something. “If that's a problem, then I'm really not worth your time. And I don't need your pity or well wishes. I’d do just fine without you around.” 

Why is he angered all of a sudden, especially with her? He has this need to suddenly see her frustrated with him. Why? However, as soon as the words leave his lips, he's regretting them. The look on her face as her shoulders sag and she slides away from him, stings and he's the cause of it. “Chrissy...I'm…”

“Don't.” She points at him. Her eyes shut firmly. “Yes I'm concerned that you might lose all your progress and all of your...new memories. Yes I'm concerned that you might end up a blank slate or worse. Yeah, I care.” She looks back at him irritated. “So regardless of whatever this is between us. I'm concerned for your well being. Period. Does that mean I wouldn't be by your side helping you if things went wrong? Or were different? If you don't know the answer to that by now…”

Bucky reaches a hand for her and she pulls away. “I...I don’t know what came over me.”

“Oh I think it's pretty clear of how you think of me. I get the message.” Chrissy stands and wipes her palms on her thighs. Hurt and angered, she stands up and heads for the patio door. 

“You know I didn't mean it like that.” If Bucky could take it all back, he would. “Chrissy...I…”

“I'm going to read up on Tony’s research, I want to know exactly what you’re walking into.” The woman doesn’t even spare him a second look as she enters the home.

Bucky grips his hair with both hands and curses silently. He can't leave things like this. What if he does go under and wakes up not remembering her face. “Chrissy.” He rushes into the house after her, catching the woman by the wrist before she makes it to her office. “I'm sorry. I know all of the reasons behind your decisions. I know how much you care and how hard all of this has been.”

Chrissy shakes her arm free of his grasp. “Then what's your problem? I've been nothing but supportive and…”

“I know...I know…” Hands resting on his waist, Bucky’s not one hundred percent sure he understands what his logic is either.

“Then what the hell?!” He's never seen her this furious. 

“I'm scared! Alright?!” Arms are spread wide from himself as dread runs through his bones. “I'm scared...and I don't know what to do. I want to go through with this because I'm terrified I might one day snap and kill you...or Steve or anyone else. But I don't want to...because what if I lose everything again? You don’t know what that’s like.” Is that a good enough reason for his current mood or the way he's been talking to her. Nope. But it's the answer he has. If he heard any other man talking to her the way he had been moments ago, they wouldn’t have any teeth. So what’s his deal?

“Bucky…”

“What if I forget? Everything...you…” He places his hand on the side of her face and she grips his wrist, leaning into his touch. His point understood.

“We'd start all over again. Regardless of what you decide or what happens. I'll be here.”

“I know...and it would be so much easier if you'd just say that whatever’s between us is all in my head. Made up. That I'd be SHIELD’s problem if I wake up all fucked up.” The woman before him smiles fondly. “It would make it easier. Knowing you don't care. Could you...just say it? Even if it's not true...just so that I'll stop being a coward and do the right thing.”

“I could never lie to you.” Chrissy presses up on her toes and kisses his cheek, hands gripping his shoulders. “Besides, I think you've been deceived by enough people throughout the years.”

“So what now? What does any of this mean?” He asks nervously, metallic hand pushing the hair from his face.

“For now...we should focus on your next obstacle.” Chrissy grips his hand. “We can talk more about this...us...” Fingers adjusts the collar of his jacket. “After the procedure. When and if we're ready for something like that.”

“And if I'm ready now? Would that change your mind? Would you still want me to go through with it?” An arm circles around her waist, pulling her close. He presses his forehead against hers and he’s suddenly calm once more. New Year's Eve, the kiss that they shared replays in his mind. Now is not the time to start something with her. After, and only if the procedure is successful, will he contemplate pursuing this further. Starting now is cruel and unfair.

“Bucky…” She looks up at him and he smiles. “This really isn’t my decision.”

“I know. I just...want to know what my options are.” He grins mischievously. 

Returning his smile, Chrissy shakes her head. “I'm going to read those papers like I said. I want to know what you’re signing up for.”

“Can you do that in the living room?” He doesn’t want to be alone, and that’s alright.

Chrissy knows he's just trying to spend time with her. “You gonna keep me company?”

“Sure. If you still want me around.” A smug smirk.

* * *

Finally, after a few days of cold feet, Bucky finally picked up the phone and called Stark. Tomorrow, he’s going through with Tony’s procedure. The hours seem to be flying by and that deep dark pit in Bucky’s stomach seems to be growing.

“What’s wrong?” It’s a question with an obvious answer. Chrissy spots Bucky sitting in the sofa chair by her bedroom window. How long has he been there? “Can’t sleep?” The Soldier sighs and shakes his head. “Come over here.” 

Bucky’s still chewing on his bottom lip, arm crossed tightly against his chest as his thumb rubs over his chin repeatedly. He hears the woman call him over again and he exhales deeply, giving in and crawling under the bedding beside her. Chrissy’s fingers smooth back his dark hair as he settles beside her. A shaky exhale, he’s terrified. 

Maybe going through with this isn’t the right choice. Maybe there’s another way to deactivate his so called trigger. This option seems a bit risky, but as of right now it’s the only one and Hydra still seems to have some sort of interest in him. Why? Dunno, don’t care. Doesn’t matter.

“Hey, everything’s going to be fine.” As if sensing his anxiety spike, the woman tries to calm her friend. “This isn’t like before...no one is going to strap you down and force you to do anything you don’t want to do. And no one is going to hurt you.” She reminds and with those words she feels him squeeze her sides a bit tighter. “If at the last minute you change your mind, that’s fine. Your choice. Remember that.” A light kiss is placed on his brow.

That’s only a small portion of what he’s concerned about and she knows it. “If I forget…”

“Hey...don’t think like that.” Chrissy sits up and he follows.

“Just, listen. If I forget, if everything gets erased...I want to come back here. No matter what I tell you, bring me back here. Please. Don’t let them make me into something worse…” He begs.

Stunned by his thought process, Chrissy takes a moment to observe the tired man before her. “Steve and I would never let that happen.”

“I know...but Governments...they’re only interested in one thing. And I can’t become a living weapon again. The things I’ve done…” He dips his head in guilt. “I can barely live with what I did...if they made me…”

“Bucky. That’s not going to happen. I promise. We’ll bring you back here, home. Ok?” She pushes the hair from his face and tries to offer him a reassuring smile. How she wishes she could just tell him how much he means to her, but that’s a conversation for another time. Doing so now would sabotage the choices he’s made for himself and that’s not right.

* * *

Chrissy, Bucky, Tony and Steve are sitting in front of a video camera. Bucky’s explaining how he knows each one of these people and why they are in this room. He’s listing off things that are important, like how he currently resides on Fox Tail Farms, he writes everyday in the journals that he keeps in his room, what horses to watch out for in the barn and most importantly how he can trust the people with him here. 

Steve’s standing beside his friend, a hand on his shoulder, encouragement. Chrissy’s gripping Bucky’s hand, patience. Tony’s tilting his head from side to side, determination. 

“That should do it.” Tony pats the Soldier on the back and leaves the room.

“Buck.” Steve is concerned, as always. “You know, you don’t have to do this. We can wait...maybe there’s another way…”

“No. If there’s even a small chance...I need to take it.” Barnes smiles sadly. The odds of him losing his memories are about sixty percent. The Ironman reassured that it would more then likely be temporary. However, the duration would be unknown. 

“Tony said that there’s a chance...a chance that you could lose everything permanently.” Steve sighs and tries to reason with his friend. “All that progress…all of your new memories…” 

“Steve. I’m going through with it. I can’t keep living this way, constantly worrying that I’m a danger... a bomb waiting to go off.” He knows this man can’t possibly understand, and he appreciates the thought behind his worry. Bucky sighs and turns to Chrissy. “Worse case scenario...she’ll have to start from scratch.” He scoffs and can tell that the woman is doing her best to remain positive and strong for him. 

“It’s your decision.” Chrissy stands and embraces her friend placing a quick kiss on his cheek. She leaves the room, Rogers close behind. This really is up to him and she has no right to try and change his mind. Doesn’t mean she’s not worried.

Taking in a shallow breath, Bucky stares at the camera. “If you...I forget everything. It’s ok.” He smiles back at the lens bleakly. “She’ll help...they’ll all help. And that’s alright. You’ll probably feel lost, confused, unworthy...nothing new there. Don’t rush and don’t try to remember everything all at once. It comes back...always has, always will. Be patient. Read the journals. Talk to Chrissy, she’s smart and tough. And Steve’s a good man...it’s a constant reminder to strive to be just as good, even if it’s only a little. You’ll be fine. Safe. Besides, you need to keep an eye on all of them.” One last bit of humor, can’t hurt.

* * *

“Tony said they need about half an hour to set up.” Chrissy sports a shaky smile that she knows he can see through. Her facade, it’s not really working on him, and she’s just too mentally drained to try and keep it up.

Bucky nods and removes his jacket, Chrissy takes it from his hands. She folds the item over her arm and adjusts the collar. There’s a loose thread, she tries to fix it. A crease in the leather, she tries to smooth it out with her thumb.

“I read his research. You won’t feel any pain or discomfort. Should feel exactly like falling asleep.” Chrissy licks her dry lips. Is it just her or does she seem far more anxious than he does? And why is he so calm? He’s just listening to her ramble on, knowing full well what it is she’s doing. “I’ll be in the observation room with Steve...in case they need us for any reason.”

She turns the jacket over on her arm and drags her thumb along one of the pockets. Brown leather, God this thing looks like it’s been in his possession for years. “It could take a few hours. But it should feel shorter than that for you.”

Strong hands squeeze her shoulders. “Hey.” A gentle whisper. “I’m gonna be fine.” He tries to reassure as he pulls her close. 

“I’m not worried.” Chrissy settles against him and wraps her arm around his torso. She lets out a long exhale. Last night, she was confident and positive that this was the right path. Now, it’s really happening and that makes everything different. “I’m not worried.” She repeats softly and takes in another deep breath, he smells good. Remember this she tells herself. 

“Good.” Bucky pulls away slightly and looks down at her. “You’ll be there when I wake up?”

“You know I will be.” 

There’s a knock, Tony clears his throat as he opens the door and tries not to stare. “When you’re ready.” 

“Ok. Gimme five…” The Soldier glances over his shoulder and can see Stark nod. 

It’s all so real now. This is really going to happen. As soon as he walks away, there’s a fairly good chance that the man she knows will be gone. And in this moment she’s both incredibly proud of him and terrified of the possible outcome. With the weight of everything, she’s frozen and unable to utter any more words of encouragement or even of her disapproval. 

Not her decision.

Heart pounding in her chest. And she can tell by the look in his eyes when Bucky looks back at her, that he’s just as scarred. She can’t let the last image or memory he has is of her being afraid.

“Remember, when we go back home, you have a car and a bike to fix.” Her grip on his shirt tightens, knuckles turning white. God even she can hear how shaky her voice is. 

“Yeah. I know.” Resting his chin on her forehead, Bucky shuts his eyes. “We’ll talk about this, us... when we go home. Right?”

“Promise.” Chrissy waits as she stares up at him. If he leans in, she’ll kiss him. If not, then she’ll let him walk away. Whatever he needs for a second boost of confidence to continue on with the path he’s chosen for himself. She refuses to be the influence behind his decision making.

The Soldier hugs her tightly one last time, places a loving kiss on the top of her head and then heads for the door without sparing a second glance. “Gotta go. I’ll see you in a bit.”

And just like that he's gone. Chrissy forces back a few tears and pushes down the urge to scream out her worries. She stares down at the jacket and sighs heavily.

* * *

The Soldier opens his eyes, a white blinding light causes him to wince. There’s so much throbbing in his head and a high pitch ringing in his ears. Two men are looking down at him, jotting down notes and talking. The ringing in his ears is too loud to make out anything they are saying. One of the men force his eyelid open a bit wider and points a flashlight in it.

Warning bells, something about being in this type of situation before. Danger. Heart race is increasing, breathing is ragged. Get up, get out. Move. Now!

“Barnes....” A man with facial hair is trying to explain something, but the Soldier only catches every second word or so. “...me?” The man sighs and looks up at a window and shrugs his shoulders. “Do you...anything? ….who I am? What about…” The man holds up three fingers and the Soldier continues to remain silent, eyes wide and wild. “We should probably… incase. Don’t want him...killing…”

What was that last part? 

The Soldier flexes his arms testing the restraints holding him down. The men in the room seem to catch on to what he’s doing. “Hey you don’t...calm down.” The man that’s been talking to him this entire time, motions for the other man to try and sedate him. 

That’s not going to happen. The Soldier shouts, struggles and pulls free of the table. He pulls the I.V from his arm and then quickly tosses some of the equipment towards the other men. Most of the glass in the room breaks. 

As the Soldier scans his surroundings for possible exits and weapons, he catches a glimpse of his left arm. Holy shit! What have they done!? Panicked, he stares down at this foreign object that all at once also seems strangely familiar. He forms a fist and can feel the power that resides in this metallic limb. At the exact same time he’s backing up, terrified. Is this really part of him? How much of him is missing? No time for that right now.

“Do not...her in here!” Facial haired man is shouting at someone beyond the large window. “Rogers...clearly unstable!” 

Rogers? Steve? He’s here?

The door to the large room opens, a woman wearing a leather jacket three sizes too big walks in cautiously. “Do you remember me?” She asks spreading her arms away from her body. “We’re friends. I’m Chrissy. You’re James Barnes. But your friends call you Bucky.” 

Finally he can start to hear entire sentences, but the pounding in his head is still there and it makes it hard for him to concentrate. The woman takes a few steps closer and the men in the room back away. 

“No one here wants to hurt you. You volunteered to have Tony…” She points to the man off to her left. “Help you. That’s why you’re here.” She takes another step forward. The Soldier’s eyes are examining everything in the room. If Steve’s here, he needs to find him. Maybe he’s hurt. Maybe he can explain what the hell is going on. Is he a captive as well?

“It’s ok.” She extends her hand towards him. 

Just as he straightens his posture, the men behind her take a step forward, causing him to react. The Soldier grabs a shard of glass from the broken equipment, pulls the woman close and holds the sharp weapon against her throat. He grunts when the glass cuts through the skin of his palm and is surprised to feel that the woman in his grasp is relaxed. When the men stop in their tracks, but don’t back up, he presses the point of the shard against her until it pierces her skin and a few drops of blood appear.

“Alright.” The one she called Tony raises his hands and backs up a good five feet. “Come on man. You don’t want to hurt her. I know you don’t.”

“He won’t.” Chrissy remains calm. “Leave.” She instructs the men in the room. “It’s ok.”

Somehow her words convince these people to do as she commands. After everyone leaves and the door shuts, his grasp on the woman loosens. “You made something...told me to give it to you if you woke up like this.” She informs. “It’s in my right pocket.” Her breathing seems to be steady. She’s not afraid of him, even with this makeshift weapon at her throat. “You’ll have to plug it into the screen.”

“Captain America. Steve Rogers. Where is he? What did you people do with him?” His voice is deep and filled with concern.

“He’s fine. I swear. He’s waiting just outside that door. He’s probably really worried right now. So how about you watch the video I told you about and then we can go see him.” She feels his grip on her tighten. “Or we can go see him and then you can watch it. It’s up to you.”

* * *

Tony’s trying to figure out the best way to explain this to his muscle bound friend before him. He sighs, takes a drink of his coffee and then licks his lips. “Sorry it turned out this way. I mean that.”

“I know. Not your fault. This is all Hydra’s doing. They’re the ones to blame. Not you, not Buck. Hydra.” And he’s right. Steve sits at the large conference table and runs his hands over his face. “I got him to calm down. He doesn’t seem to remember Chris, but there’s something in his eyes, like he feels as if he should know her. He’s watching the video right now.”

Tony’s fingers are tapping the steel of the table top. He feels horrible. He knows how much Chris cares for that man, and he barely recognizes her. “How’s Chris handling everything?”

“The way she always does.” Steve snickers. “Patience and support.” The Captain sighs and then brings his focus on the man at his side. “What happened?”

Stark knows what it is Steve is really asking. What went wrong? What’s going on? What mindset is this highly dangerous man stuck in. “The best way I can describe it is...well do you know what a VHS tape is or a cassette?” Tony regards his friend seriously. He’s trying to find an analogy that will work here. Rogers nods, thank the Lord. “Alright. Let’s pretend that Barnes’s mind is a cassette. Using barf, I can rewind it or fast forward it. His memories are the band in the tape. I can go right to the beginning or right to the end of the most current memory, song, whatever. Anyways, my goal when doing this was to bring his mind to the point where they programmed him with the triggers. I wanted to put a permanent bend and crease in that point of the band so that the programming would be skipped over, but his older and newer memories would remain.”

“Alright. I think I understand.”

“The problem is, sometimes if you damage a tape too much...in this case Hydra might have played with his brain too much at that exact point. That could have created a tear. A tear that might have severed any ties to the now. Meaning that the tape can’t play past the bend.”

Cap exhales loudly. “Is there any hope for repair?”

“Well...sometimes, if you smooth out the crease enough you can repair that part of the band and the tape will keep playing. But then the spot where the crease was made is back just as good. In other cases, if you smooth it out enough you get the tape to work again but that one spot gets muffled. What I’m trying to avoid is not having the tape play at all.”

Tony can see that Steve is catching on. There’s a few ways this can go. With time, Bucky might get all of his old and new memories back. He might also never get past the point on where he was taken captive, or worse, the programming that they just erased might come back.

“Did Buck and Chris know all of this?” Steve asks. 

The Ironman nods sadly. “It was a risk he was willing to take.” 

Another long breath is let out. “Well I’m going to go stay at the farm for a bit. He’ll think I’m abandoning him if I don’t. God, he must have so many questions.”

This is James Barnes they are dealing with now. The man that remembers falling off a train and dying. Steve’s eyes water slightly.

* * *

Something cool and flat is pressed against his chest. The Soldier grasps the chain hanging around his neck. To his surprise he finds a Canadian issued set of dog tags when he tugs it out from his shirt. He reads the inscription and is puzzled. No numbers. What the hell? And why does he heave these? Isn't he considered American if anything. With a silent huff he tucks the metal back under the neckline of his t shirt. 

The woman, Chrissy, Bucky reminds himself, still smiles at him warmly every time, he glances in her direction. When his eyes land on the bandaging at her throat, he’s forced to drop his gaze to his boots. Monster. Animal. Home, that’s where she said they were going. Why does it feel like as if that’s something he doesn’t have. Or at least hasn’t had in a very long time. The jet lands and they leave the aircraft. 

Steve’s staying for a few days as well. He said it’s to help out anyway he can, but deep down, Bucky knows it’s because Rogers wants to keep watch, make sure nothing happens to Chrissy. Wize man. He feels as though he’s dangerous. A risk. Lethal.

Chrissy opens the front door and is surprised to see Bucky removing his hat and boots. She smiles at this simple muscle memory, he might not remember much right now, but it’ll come back. When she looks at Steve, she can see that he’s just as amazed as she is. 

No hats, no shoes. Her policy.

“I’ll show you to your room.” She gestures towards the stairs and lets him lead the way. Again, he seems to be acting on instincts, because he turns left into his bedroom. 

“Is this my room?” He asks dragging fingers over the desk. This place, it feels right, like it’s his.

“Yes.” She crosses her arms and remains in the doorway. “Remember anything else?”

Bucky shuts his eyes and inhales deeply. “Your room...it’s at the end of the hall...and Steve’s across from mine.” 

“That’s right.” Chrissy takes a step forward. “Are you hungry?”

The Soldier nods and opens one of the journals that’s piled on the desk. “I wrote in all of these?”

Chrissy sighs and comes to stand beside him. “You sure did.” She answers softly. “How about you get settled and I’ll make us all some supper.”

After she leaves him alone, Bucky checks the closet. He finds a bug-out-bag on a hook behind the door. When he opens it, he's shocked that he seems to know exactly what contents will be inside. The Soldier sighs, shuts the door and decides that he needs to shower. He feels hot, sweaty and maybe that will just calm his nerves. When he removes his shirt, the mirror reminds him of the horror that is now his left arm. Steve explained what had happened all those years ago. Doesn’t seem real. Only feels like yesterday. Something else catches his eye. Something that’s not silver and not so vile looking. A symbol he knows well. Steve’s shield. He’ll have to inquire about that.

Right now everything is starting to sink in. 60 years or so. That's a long time. A large span of time to not remember. The past several months, just as blurry. Try to relax or you're going to throw up or pass out. Shower. Breathe. Steve's here. At least that's something familiar.

* * *

The fire is warm, the lake is quiet, and the night is calm. Chrissy tries to not let the day’s events bother her as she stares off into nothingness. This is the first time in a very long time that she sits out here by herself. It’s so strange. So quiet. A shiver runs down her spine. God she misses him already. 

“Hey.” Steve takes a seat beside her. “How you holding up?”

Leaning forward, closer to the warmth of the flames, the woman presses her lips into a sad smile. “I didn’t even hear you come outside.” She admits. “I’m fine...you?”

The Captain knows she’s fibbing, but decides to leave it alone. “Alright...I guess. He’s still reading.”

“Really?” Chrissy sighs. “Well he’s probably trying to catch up and figure out what the hell is going on. God I feel horrible...I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”

“He’ll be ok eventually. Besides, he has you to help him through it. Again.” Steve grins and adds some wood to the fire. “I just know he’ll do fine.” Seeing his friend’s mood darken, the Captain wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Hey, it’s gonna be ok.”

Chrissy leans into her friend. For the first time in a very long time, she feels utterly lost.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Did I warn yah or did I warn yah? So for this chapter, well...it’s here. Again, if you’re easily brought to tears, well I think kleenex has some kind of care package you can sign up for. What can I say, I’m enjoying this. I’ve always had certain plot points set in stone in my head that I wanted in this fic and well, you can really tell which ones those are really, because they’re pretty roller coastery. I had a vision, still do. I knew how I wanted to start this story and how I wanted it to finish. Then there were all these sad, emotional scenes I wanted, and god damnit I’m getting them AHAHAHAHA. Ok, evil laughter done. I’ll get on with the chapter...
> 
> As always, R&R and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http://vamporchid.tumblr.com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www.canva.com/design/DAB-5yBeJ9w/view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 20: Starting Over **

 

Bucky's sitting up in bed. The after effects of the nightmare still causing tremors to run through his body. Suddenly, he has the distinct feeling that he's not alone. His eyes land on Chrissy’s form in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” She asks while judging his current mood. Bucky doesn't answer, so she takes that as an unspoken invitation. The woman sits beside him and places a hand on his chilled shaking shoulder, to which he shrugs off. This small reaction, although unintentional, hurts her heart. He doesn't remember her. Doesn’t fully trust her. Not yet. “Just a memory turned into a nightmare.” She tries to reassure. “You're safe. And you haven't hurt anyone.”

Inhaling and exhaling a few long deep breaths, the Soldier nods. “Thanks. And sorry if I woke you.” His hand goes to grip her knee and then stops in mid air. Thinking better of it he drops his hand onto the mattress. Why was his first instinct to touch her?

“It's alright. I'm used to it. Kind of a routine.” The woman beside him places her hand over his. “And you're allowed to touch me. Doing so won't hurt or bother me.” 

A small cough leaves him, as if he doesn't quite believe her words. “All of this feels familiar...but I can't remember any of it...it's frustrating.” Bucky runs a hand through his hair, aggravated and discouraged. “And when you look at me like that...I know it’s because I’m supposed to know you. Remember your face. But I don’t.” An admission, voice sounding discouraged and defeated.

“I know. I can't imagine what you're feeling or going through...but I'm not going anywhere and neither is Steve.” Like every other time she has comforted him, Chrissy places a kiss on Bucky’s cheek. 

Right away she realizes her mistake. Large blue eyes that she can see even in the dim light of this room stare back at her. Something so casual and routine that she forgot about his current condition. Square-one-Bucky doesn’t exactly like being touched, who could blame him. He might not remember the reasons for not being comfortable with physical contact, but guaranteed his subconscious does. 

“You...Why did you do that?” He asks while backing away slightly and bringing his knees up. Another selfdefense mechanism. Ouch, another needle in her heart.

“Sorry...habit. I...I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too.” Her gaze drops down to her lap. Suddenly it dawns on Chrissy that he's not the only one struggling with the current situation. She needs to start from scratch with him and that's proving harder than she originally thought. “I can leave if you want me to. Never feel like there's something you can't ask or express.”

“You've told me that before.” He chews at his inner cheek as he mulls over a few thoughts. “Right?”

Chrissy laughs lightly. “Many times.” 

“You...surprised me that's all. I'm still finding it odd that you want to be this close to me. Even with my handwriting that says we’re...close. Why aren't you cautious around me...even Steve seems comfortable.”

“Because…”

“You'd never intentionally harm anyone and we know that.” A male voice from the doorway. “You're a good man Buck.”

Chrissy's smiling in the Captain's direction, thankful for the added support. “It's basically morning. I'm gonna make breakfast.” Chrissy squeezes Bucky's hand, and leaves the room, patting Steve on the arm as she passes by. “Thanks. And good morning.” 

The Captain smiles warmly and nods. “I'll keep him company.”

When Bucky's positive that she's in her room, he leaves the warmth of his bed and starts rummaging through the dresser for a change of clothes. “I wasn't going to hurt her.” A stern raspy voice.

“I know that Buck.” Why would Bucky assume that this was even a thought that had crossed his mind. “Heard you...wake up. Was in the hallway the entire time. Sometimes when you're still in that mindset...you see me as a threat. Didn't want to set you off so I let her talk to you first. Chris is always able to calm your nerves.”

“Should I be staying here?” The Soldier eyes the other man from over his metallic shoulder.

“It was your request, before you went under. You wanted me here incase...incase you need to be detained. But I think it's the best place for you.” Steve sighs and leans against the door frame and it creaks with his added weight. “Besides, there's no way in hell you'd forgive me if I left her alone.”

Bucky glances towards his desk. “I think there are some things I purposely left out of my notes.”

“You're not wrong.” Steve smirks. “Let's eat and then go for a walk. I'll show you a few of your favorite areas and we can talk about whatever is on your mind. I'll even fill in the gaps where you need me to.” 

Bucky nods and heads for the shower. Steve has to remind himself of the conversation they had before Buck went through with all of this. If he doesn't remember, than Steve is not to mention anything about Bucky’s feelings regarding Chrissy. Why? His reasoning, was why cause two people heartache over something that might not be able to be rekindled. That and maybe somethings happen for a reason. The Captain sighs. He doesn’t agree with the logic, but it’s not his choice.

* * *

The two Soldiers are sitting inside a log cabin. A large cabin that Bucky has apparently been helping build. Jesus, he’s got super powered friends. It’ll be nice to meet them and get acquainted again. Bucky’s eyes scan all of the work that he’s apparently done. This is gorgeous, but it’s huge, doesn’t feel like somewhere that would be called home. According to Steve, there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to this place. Whatever that means, he can inquire about that at some other time.

“You also have a bike and car you’ve been working on. Chris told me that you had the old panhead put together and running. You always did favor two wheels over four.” The Captain laughs as he pours them some coffee from a thermus. 

“So Clint. He and I get along?” From what Steve has told him, this man does sound like the type of guy that he wouldn’t have any issues with. They seem to have quite a bit in common as well. Both have been brainwashed and taken advantage of, and both seem to be proficient marksmen and trackers.

The Captain nods. “Yeah. Great, actually. You have a lot of respect for each other.” Seems funny to hear this about a man he probably wouldn’t be able to pick out in a crowd. 

“So woodworking. Mechanics. Anything else I’m good at all of a sudden?” The Soldier scoffs and sits down on some lumber near the large window. “Oh wait. I can speak and read at least eight different languages. I know what hacking is...and I’m fairly good at it as well. Although, three days ago I didn’t know what cell phones and WIFI were.” He snorts out. 

Steve continues to observe his friend from under a worried brow. He went through something similar. Grief for a life that never happened, for time that went by without him. They both haven’t really been given any time to adjust. Not their fault. Certainly not those of the people around them that care. Who can prepare anyone for this type of adjustment? It’s not like there’s an article or class for this type of thing. 

“Did you know...that I know where every organ in the body is? What their functions are? Which ones to go for first if I want someone to die slowly. I know what pressure points will make you fall asleep. Which ones will kill you. Pretty damned sure I can kill you with this.” Bucky lifts an amused brow as he holds up his coffee cup, but Steve can see through this charade. He’s terrified, of the things he can do, of what is written on all of those pages. Of himself. “I’m really good at some pretty terrible things…”

“Buck. Before you went through with the procedure, you decided to use what you’ve... been taught, trained, what you excel in, to help others. You might have been their killing machine. Their tool. But not anymore. You left that life behind. That was before even really remembering anything about James Barnes.” Steve sighs. “We even went on a few missions. You helped save a bunch of kids and a lot of lives. Even saved Clint from dying in Antarctica.”

“I want to help. If I can.” Bucky’s shoulders sag. “Maybe I need a purpose. Something to keep me busy.”

“We need to make sure that you’re healthy and that everything in your head is working the way it’s supposed to.” He can see the disappointed look in the other man’s eyes. “I know it’s not what you want to hear right now. And I would love to work side by side with you again. But it’s just not safe. Not for you and not for the team.”

“Yeah. No, I understand.” He licks his lips and then sips at the coffee Steve offered him. 

“Farming oh and handyman.” Steve grins

“Pardon?” 

Steve begins to laugh. “Add that to your list of things you’re good at.”

* * *

It’s late afternoon when Chrissy finally finds Bucky in the workshop. He's dragging his fingers over clean tools and stainless steel countertops. Taking a deep inhale, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth, Bucky takes a moment to shut his eyes and decompress.

“I spent a lot of time I'm here.” Chrissy chuckles knowing that Bucky would be able to tell that she’s lingering at the doorway. “The smell in here is vaguely familiar.” The Soldier walks over to the back counter hits a hidden switch with his finger and the back wall slides up revealing his weapon collection. “Huh.” More muscle memories he assumes.

“I wouldn’t let you bring anymore into the house.” Chrissy licks her bottom lip and grins. “Even though you probably have more than a few stashed around the house.”

A smug smirk appears as he pulls a combat knife from the display. “I already found them all. Right where I was planning on putting some.”

“I'll leave you be...was just coming to see if you need anything.” Chrissy pulls her long sweater around her frame more snuggly and turns to leave.

Clearing his throat the Soldier replaces the blade back in its place. “Can I ask you something...a little personal?”

“Sure.” Chrissy takes a few steps closer, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Your husband…” He seems to be trying to think for a moment, as if trying to pry a memory from his mind. “Connor...these were his?” Fingers run along the Timberwolf rifle. 

“That's right.” She's so happy that this is something that jogs his memory.

“I made you something...for him?” He sees her smile brightly and nod.

“I'll show you.” Motioning towards the house with her head, Chrissy ushers the man to follow her. “Come on.”

He's surprised to feel her hand wrap around his arm as they walk back towards the house. She's not afraid of him even though she should at least be cautious. This is refreshing, but it starts to make him wonder what’s wrong with her sanity. He's dangerous, that much he's certain of.

They make their way into the home and she directs him to the far wall on the other side of the living room. “You made this back in October. It would have been his birthday and you wanted to do something nice for him and me.”

Bucky's staring at the etched shadow box on the wall. A memory of Chrissy lying against him on the couch starts playing in his mind.

_“You are wearing boots!”_

_“You’re going to fall asleep.”_

_“Am not.”_

He feels himself sway and has to place his metallic palm on the wall to steady himself.

“Bucky?” Worried, the woman's hands are on his forearm and shoulder.

“I-I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath. “I think...I think, I remember...giving you this.”

_Metallic fingers, his fingers, running through her hair as she sleeps against him peacefully. His lips pressed against her forehead._

_Please let me keep this one._

The Soldier puffs out a few quick breaths and then studies the rest of the things here. He realizes that he made most of these items. Shelves, frames and a large book case.

“You always find a way to keep yourself occupied.” The hand on his metallic forearm tightens. “If you're positive that you're alright, I'll go make some lunch. You must be starving.”

“Positive.” Standing up to his full height, Bucky continues to let his eyes wander over the pictures on the wall. 

“Ok. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions. I know you probably went through the entire house top to bottom last night.” She snickers when she sees the surprised look in his eyes. “But please feel free to look around. Nothing's off limits.”

Getting no response from the man, Chrissy pats his arm gently and heads to the kitchen.

* * *

It’s early the next day when she wakes up and starts breakfast. The sun hasn’t even thought about rising kind of early. Chrissy knows that Bucky’s probably outside, wondering the property, feeding the horses and everything else he usually does. 

Or not. She smirks. “Coffee?” She asks the man she knows is lurking around the corner.

Bucky takes a step into the kitchen. “Sure...and how did you know I was there?”

Chrissy shakes her head and smiles. “Been living with you for a while now sweetie.” She places a mug of hot coffee on the counter for him. “Bet you fed the horses and checked on the property, just like your notes and video told you to huh?” She sees the man nod from the corner of her eye. 

“You know what’s weird about all of this?” He takes a seat and watches as she goes about the kitchen and starts breakfast. “I don’t remember you, but seem to remember some of your habits and quirks. Same thing for the animals.” Bucky stares pointlessly into the hot liquid of his cup. “I don’t remember being able to speak different languages, but when I hear something foreign, I seem to understand it.” Bucky laughs lightly. “My hands, my body...seem to know how to do things I shouldn’t know how to do. Like the uhm, the computer in your office…” Shoulders sag, why does he feel guilty? Why is he admitting this to her?

“Oh don’t worry. I know that’s something you’d do.” Chrissy snickers. Once again, Bucky has checked her home top to bottom. Including every nook and cranny and every file in every device and cabinet. “You’ve done it before. I’m not insulted or angry. And I did tell you that there’s nothing off limits.”

“I don’t know how I knew what to do or look for, but I didn’t find anything.” He scoffs and rolls his shoulders. 

“Well I don’t like keeping information on anything electronic or even paper for most parts. All in my head is good enough. The only thing I usually keep is financial stuff.” Chrissy winks and hands him a plate of food. “And if it eases your mind, then by all means, snoop away. Or ask any question you want.”

This woman is extending an extreme amount of trust and friendship his way. She’s going out of her way to make sure that he’s comfortable. 

“I’m sorry. I know you’re expecting me to behave a certain way. But that doesn’t make what I did alright.” The least he can do is acknowledge when he’s done something that’s disrespectful. “Guess I did a few things that are considered an invasion of your privacy. I’ve read quite a few of my notes...you’ve been nothing but kind…and...” He clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably. Why does he feel like a child in the presence of an adult, caught doing something he knows was wrong. “I apologize.”

Chrissy tilts her head to the side and studies him for a second. Arms crossed, she smiles softly and nods. “Alright. I forgive you. Now eat.” She winks and pushes a the plate full towards him.

* * *

Someone’s clearing their throat, trying to rouse her from her sleep. It’s dark, but she can see a silhouette of a person standing in her doorway. Chrissy sits up in bed and rubs her eyes. How long was she asleep, maybe a few hours? Eyes finally adjust to the lack of light, she can see Bucky more clearly now.

“Something wrong?” She uses a low voice, not wanting to wake or alert Steve.

The man takes a step into her room. He’s rubbing his arms as if he’s freezing. “I wanted to say...that I’m sorry...for hurting you. In New York.”

Absentmindedly, her fingers graze the still healing cut on her neck. “Oh...it’s ok. You were confused and scared. I forgive you.” Is that why he’s in her room at this time of night? Because he’s still standing there. How long has he actually been here? “Bucky, are you alright?” He doesn’t move and doesn’t answer. “Sweetie?”

Taking a few more steps closer to the bed, he sees no sign of rejection or fear. Shivering slightly, he looks out the windows and sees snow lightly falling. That small cat, Chance, is purring and rubbing around his ankles. He looks down and the animal meows up at him. Another shiver.

“Your room seems familiar too. Like I spent a lot of time in here...why?” He’s still staring down at the kitten.

Chrissy smiles fondly and crosses her legs beneath the sheets. “Well, sometimes when you couldn’t sleep or had nightmares you’d stay in here...so that you weren’t alone. Kept you calm. Sometimes when my migraines would flare up, you’d refuse to leave my side.” All things he’s read about in the journals, but he just wanted to double check. “Are you having a hard time sleeping?” The Soldier doesn’t answer. The woman pulls the bedding aside. “You’re welcome to stay here if you want to. You’d never hurt me. And I’m not afraid.”

Bucky looks back towards the hallway, knowing full well that he won’t be able to sleep if he heads back to his room. He sighs and rubs his arms again, at a loss as to what he should do. The journals with his hand writing did say that this woman would never turn him away. Guess he was expecting those words to be a lie.

Hesitantly, the Soldier walks around the bed and sits. Chrissy lies down on her side, facing away from him. That makes it a little easier, knowing she won’t be staring at him. Dear Lord this is really inappropriate. The mattress and bedding is soft and inviting, he can feel his body relaxing a little bit. Still sitting up in bed, his eyes go from the ceiling and then to the woman by his side. He sighs. The need for human contact and closeness too great. It feels as though it’s been decades since he’s last felt tenderness or even just been touched affectionately. His soul, if he has one, feels like it’s been deprived and starving. Caution tossed out the window, and caring for what’s considered to be proper gone with it as well. 

Is it really all that wrong to just want to be held and cared for?

Chrissy doesn’t seem to be a threat, even if she is, Bucky doesn’t care at the moment. Without giving it any more thought, he grasps her wrist gently, lifts her arm and rests the side of his face on her ribcage. Her presence is warm and comforting and she doesn’t seem shocked by his sudden proximity.

“I really am sorry…” His prosthetic wraps around her midsection. “I don’t remember any of this much...but I knew you weren’t a threat and really didn’t mean to hurt you…”

“I know, it’s alright.”

“This...seems familiar. Are you sure this is alright?” 

“Yes. Get some sleep, ok? You’ve got to be exhausted.” Her hand is smoothing back his hair, this seems vaguely familiar. Safe, warm, caring. The Soldier nods against her and his arm tightens. Even if he’s not one hundred percent certain, he’s too relaxed and drained to even care anymore. She’s not refusing his embrace, so he’s not moving. This feels nurturing. 

“We were...are close, right?” He takes in a deep breath and notices how nice she smells. Is that something he’s told her before? Maybe, maybe not. 

“Yes. I think that’s a fair statement.” Her voice sounds tired. He can hear her gentle heart beat and long breaths better when he shuts his eyes and concentrates. “We’re friends. And we take care of each other.” Goosebumps form over his body as she continues to drag her fingers along his scalp gently.

If everything he’s read is true, good and bad, he hopes he’ll wake up with all of his memories back. Not remembering these things when they all seem so familiar is driving him mad. When Chrissy’s hand stop moving through his hair, Bucky knows that she’s fast asleep.

In a few minutes Chrissy will stretch out and turn onto her left side. A few minutes pass and she does just that. How did he know that she’d do that? Something about being more comfortable sleeping on her left side because of a car accident a few years ago? That wasn’t written anywhere. 

Bucky readjusts himself so that his head is now on the pillow. Just as he’s about to shut his eyes, Chrissy curls up against him, face pressed against his chest, arm draped over his frame. If she was afraid of him or didn’t know him, her instincts wouldn’t have told her to do that. A tear leaves each of his eyes, obviously he’s important to her and he can’t remember any of it.

* * *

January is cold here. The month crawled by, now it’s slowly heading into February. Steve had informed his friend that it would be much colder. The Captain did however introduce him to the large, perfectly stacked pile of chopped wood. Apparently, it was something Bucky had worked on all summer. Guess it’ll go to good use.

Steve. Out of everything, that’s the one thing, the one person he can remember. He’s gone over his journals and notes countless times. He scanned the words written with his penmanship in the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning when he couldn’t sleep. None of it is sparking anything. All he can remember mostly is bits and pieces as his life as James Barnes. Not as the Winter Soldier and not as the man they knew a few weeks ago.

Give it time. That’s what Chrissy keeps telling him. Her fingers are always by her sides, wanting to comfort him, he can tell. But she’s unsure, of what to do around him just yet. Boundaries both new and old. Waters needing to be tested once more. And, there’s something there. He can tell, can feel it. Something in her eyes when she glances in his direction causes his breathing to change. Why? Well he’s not an idiot or daft. 

“He’s leaving in a few days.” Bucky says out loud as he studies his friend from the window. The Captain has this habit of having his coffee on the dock in the morning, even in the bloody cold.

Chrissy rubs her hands on her thighs and sighs. “Yeah. Not by choice. He’d much rather stay here.”

The Soldier nods and takes a seat at the dining table. Journals and notes out in front of him once more. Chrissy exhales lightly, her eyes quickly scanning the papers before them.

“I don’t remember.” He informs sadly over his shoulder. “I’m trying. It’s just…” He sighs, shoulders sagging in defeat.

The woman drags a chair close to his side and piles the papers and books aside neatly. “Forget this for the moment.” The man rolls his eyes and leans back in the chair. “I’m serious.” She laughs softly. “Listen, let's try something else.” Chrissy hands him a pen and paper. “I want you to tell me the last thing you remember, before waking up in New York and I want you to tell me the earliest memory you have. We’ll make a timeline together. Steve and I can help fill in the blanks. Maybe that’ll help.”

Bucky leans forward and nods. “Before waking up?” The woman at his side nods and grips his metallic forearm. He takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. The vision that comes to mind is not a pleasant one. “I remember Steve...calling my name…” A shaky breath. “The train.” His eyelids open slowly and he studies his arm. Making a fist, he bites his bottom lip.

“Ok. Now the earliest.” Chrissy encourages him.

“I…” He takes another deep breath. Again he shuts his eyes and then quickly opens them. “Steve. Jesus. He was sick. Real sick. I-I don’t remember why. But I was scarred. So was his mom.” Bucky drags a hand over his brow. “We were kids.”

The woman’s hand squeezes gently. “It’s alright. You’re doing great.” 

Bucky writes down these two instances and then starts to write down other times, dates and events he can remember. Nothing that he puts down on that paper is anything recent. Why does this cause him to feel anxious?

“Take a breath. Breathe. There’s no rush.” Chrissy reminds patiently. “I know, it’s frustrating and you just want to remember everything, but overwhelming yourself will do more harm than good.” 

“When we came back...home.” The Soldier looks over at her and she smiles warmly. “I took a shower, you know...to try and calm my nerves. When I got out...I looked in the mirror.” He swallows the lump in his throat. “This was hard too look at, hard to digest. Still is.” Again his left fist flexes. 

The Soldier sniffs and takes in another deep breath. “I don’t remember it at all. Don’t remember losing my arm. It’s all hard to take in. I’m also a lot bigger than I remember.” Bucky’s fingers drum over his chest quickly and a soft chuckle leaves him. “Guess that’s one thing I can’t complain about. I was never scrawny, but...yeah. Definitely solid now.“ Another light laugh leaves him.

“And…this...” He runs his right hand through his hair and then over his unshaven face. Chrissy understands the point he’s getting across. He’s aged, only slightly, but he looks different, way different than the man that fell from the train. That’s the face and body he remembers. Not this. “I think it's growing on me...not looking for a haircut anytime soon.” He laughs quickly.

This is all a form of shock. Why didn’t she think of this before?

“And...the scars…” His voice is low and saddened. “I’m covered...there’s just so many. What happened to me? Why am I so covered?” He’s forced to lean and place his forehead into his hands. Elbows on the table, he needs to take a moment to control his breathing. “Obviously I’ve been through hell and back. There’s a few angry looking ones that have me wondering how I’m even still breathing. I should be dead.”

Chrissy nods. “Your will to survive was and still is strong.” 

Bucky drags his tongue along his teeth and nods. “I guess it would have to be.” He scoffs. “But then there’s things I would love to remember.” His eyes meet her own and she gets his meaning. “It’s pretty clear that we were...are close. And I can barely remember anything about you. I get small glimpses here and there. I’ll remember a laugh or a random short memory. But it’s fragmented and hard to piece together.” He lets out a short shaky breath. “I’m sorry.” 

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I told you that I would help you through this and I meant it.” 

He clears his throat. “There’s also all of that.” His index points to the journals. “God. The things in there. That I’ve done.” Eyes fill with pain and loathing, he looks over towards the woman. “Did I really do those things?” He asks, voice just above a whisper, a small twinge of hope. 

Chrissy’s smile fades. She slips her fingers around his metallic hand. Her eyes search the floor for a moment and then meet his. “I’m sorry.” She’s biting her lip.

“No.” He blinks and a tear falls onto his lap. “I was hoping it was a lie. Maybe…” He shakes his head. Gently, he pulls his hand from hers. If this is true, if any of it is true, she shouldn’t touch him. Or even be near him. “Did you read these?” He gestures to his notes.

Chrissy sighs. “No. I didn’t.”

“Why? You should!” Alright, now he’s concerned. For her safety, maybe even for her sanity.

“You didn’t want me to. Shame, guilt. I got the picture. You’ve told me enough, for me to understand the gravity…”

Bucky stands up quickly and pulls a few of the book's forward. “Read this one.” He opens it to a specific page, one he’s read over and over. Disgusting. “Read this.” He points to the page.

“Bucky.” Chrissy sighs. “I can...I will. If you want me to. When you’re actually ready. Right now isn’t…”

“Read it.” He grunts out and pushes the journal closer. 

Licking her lips, she takes the book and sighs. “Fine.” Her eyes are skimming the words.

“Out loud.” He sits back on his hunches by her side, looking up at her face, waiting for her reaction. His fingers are laced together, patient and nervous. Does he just want someone to share in his self-hatred? God help him. 

“Can’t remember all the details.” Chrissy reads the words. He can tell that she feels as though she’s invading his privacy. He’s not all home, so to her, this doesn’t feel right. “But I do remember the things that count. Information was needed. Don’t even remember what or why. Only that I was to obtain it, no matter the cost or the time it took. And it took me a long time. Three days. He talked eventually. Only after I dismembered his wife and father before him and then threatened to do the same to his children when they came home.”

Chrissy looks down at the man before her. “Bucky I shouldn’t be…”

“Read it.” Firm but gentle.

Sighing, the woman continues. “I remember every cry of pain and every bodily noise. The way he fought against his restraints as I…” Chrissy clears her throat and takes a breath. “As I cut away pieces of his wife….” Alright, that’s enough. She’s had enough. Chrissy shuts the journal firmly. “I can’t do this…it’s not right. These words, memories… yes they are horrible, terrifying. But I can’t be going through your things like this. Your private thoughts. You’re in distress and you can’t think clearly.”

Bucky’s chewing at his inner cheek. He’s still staring up at his friend. Eyes filling with moisture. What should he say? He doesn’t remember that memory, doesn’t remember writing about either. So what the fuck is he suppose to say or do?

“I know…” Looking at the ceiling, Chrissy takes a few deep breaths. “I’ve always known what you’re capable of.” Her attention is brought back to the poor soul before her. “I’m well aware of the….horrors, you’ve been forced to inflict.” She wipes away a few stray tears that fall from his eyes as he continues to look up at her. 

“You don’t understand...I…” Bucky points to his chest with his thumb. “I could never do these things. I’m a Soldier. All I ever wanted was to protect people. I could never...people with no souls do that sort of thing. People we were fighting. Evil, vile, horrible people, do that sort of thing. Not me.” He’s shaking. “And yet look...at all of these, memories, confessions.”

“It wasn’t you. Never was.” A gentle hand under his chin forcing him to look up. “You are not the person that did these things.” 

“I hear them you know. Every night. See all of...this. But I don’t remember it.” He licks his lips again, trying to keep himself from crying. That’s something he remembers, men don’t cry. They drink and smoke, that’s how they bury all of it. That’s how men, Soldiers cope. “It’s like I was just there to watch the show.” He snickers sadly. “I’m just...I’m so lost. Confused. And really really scarred. I don’t know what to do. I keep feeling like I need to throw up.” Knees hit the floor. Bucky folds his arms over her lap, leans his face against his forearms and sobs. He can feel his entire body shaking with grief. Weak. Pathetic.

“Tell me it’s not true.” He begs. Chrissy’s fingers are in his hair, she won’t lie to him, he knows this. “Please. Just tell me that none of it is true.” 

“I can’t do that.” Her voice is low and shaky. She cares for him, wants to share his pain, but can only offer support. “Sweetie. You need to take a moment to…” Chrissy tries to sit on the floor beside him. Bucky pulls her into a hug, still distraught, still shaking. Not wanting anyone to really witness how incredibly broken he is. “Ok.” She allows him to duck his head under her chin and continue to have a small moment of weakness. “I got you.” The same words he has used with her before. He’s clinging to her and she’s holding him just as tight. “It’s ok.” She hushes.

“I can’t do this…” Living. Going on. Coward. 

“Yes, you can.” Chrissy squeezes him tighter. “Don’t you dare start quitting now. It’s been over sixty years. You could have given up any time, but you didn’t. I’m not about to let you start now.” She’s firm. Unmovable. Maybe that’s what he needs right now. “I got you. I’m right here. You don’t remember the bond we have. And that’s alright. I’m not going anywhere. I made you a promise and I’m keeping it.”

The Soldier’s form stops shaking. Suddenly, he’s calm. Even he can’t explain it. He lies down on the hardwood floor. Head resting on one of her thighs, as they remain in the sunlit dining room. “You keep some strange company. Did anyone ever tell you that?” He can hear her sigh. As he takes in a deep breath, Bucky allows his body a moment to relax. “I shouldn’t be this comfortable with you. And you really shouldn’t be this way with me.” 

In a way he barely knows this woman. This behavior he’s displaying around her is inappropriate and unacceptable, yet he doesn’t seem to care. 

“I bet you’re drained.” Her fingers are trailing through his hair again. Suddenly, he’s reminded of a time when he was a little boy, his head resting on his mama’s lap. “How about you take a shower, maybe get a bit of rest?”

“Maybe.” The Soldier sits up and studies his surroundings. He looks over to his friend. She’s smiling warmly. The woman places a soft kiss on his forehead and he leans into the contact, the affection and gesture appreciated. Still human in her eyes. Not a monster. At least not all the time.

“I’m still not afraid of you.” She reminds. “You’re a good man. Steve believes in you and so do I. I know that all of this is overwhelming and really hard to register. It’s scary. The things you’ve been forced to endure and do were horrible. But I’m not afraid of you.” Arms wraps around him in a loving hug.

“Thank-you.” He returns the embrace.

Chrissy pulls away and pushes the hair from his face. “Now, just like I’ve told you before. If you wake up in the night, and you need someone. I don’t care why or what time. You come and get me alright?” He nods with a smirk. “I mean it. Even if it’s during the day, and you’re wide awake, and you need someone…” She sees him nod again. “It's not a sign of weakness. To seek out aid or comfort.”

“Ok.” He snickers. Her hands are on the sides of his face forcing him to look up in her direction. “Promise.”

“Good.”

* * *

Bucky’s examining the workshop again. Everything has its place, clean, organized with military precision. He's fairly certain that there's a stash of punching bags in the back storage unit. Wanting to see if he's right, he checks and sure enough there they are.

“Starks design.” Steve snickers from behind his friend. 

“I remembered...well dreamed about…” Bucky sighs and takes a seat on one of the chairs. “I'm not sure of what really.”

“Why don't you start with the first thing you remember from it.” Steve’s calm as usual. 

Pushing his hair back the Soldier nods. “Was covered in blood and whatever else...it was everywhere. And Chrissy was there...I can't remember what she was saying to me. But...I can tell that she was worried, but not afraid...and you were there. Did that happen?”

Lips pressed into a thin line the Captain nods. “Yeah. Wasn't your fault. We were on a mission, rescuing a bunch of kids. Hydra troops showed up. One of them hit Chris and you snapped.”

“I killed all of them…” Bucky remembers Cap trying to stop him, and Chrissy blocking his path before he tried to kill Steve. “Why did she allow me to stay here after that?”

“Wasn't your fault pal.”

“That doesn’t matter!” These people must have a few screws loose. Who lets a psychopath back into their home with open arms? “I could of done the same to you or to her!” He points angrily in the direction of the home. “What's to stop me from doing any of it!?”

Smiling, that asshole is actually smiling in his direction. “You. You jerk.” Steve continues his smug grin and shakes his head. “You made so much progress here...and then you decided it wasn't enough. So you went through with the procedure to see if Tony could remove the memories of the triggers that they had placed in your head.”

“And how's that working out so far?” Bucky scoffs.

“Let's test it shall we?” Steve’s smile fades.

“What?” Bucky raises a brow in the other man’s direction.

_“Longing.”_ The Captain is speaking in a foreign tongue. One Bucky knows all too well.

“Steve?” He might be suffering from amnesia, but this he remembers these words. Fear and panic sink into the pit of his stomach, because he knows what this will lead to.

_“Rusted.”_

Barnes winces. Why would his friend do this? “What are you doing?” He asks in disbelief. In too much shock to even move from his spot.

_“Seventeen.”_

Bucky rises from the chair and stumbles backwards. “Steve.” He whispers. “Please…don’t...”

_“Daybreak.”_

A tear leaves the corner of the Soldier's eye. “No…”

_“Furnace.”_ With every word a piece of Steve feels like it's dying, but he's only doing what Bucky asked him to.

_“Nine.”_ The man before Steve crumbles to the floor, eyes wide staring up at him.

_“Benign.”_

“Don't do this…” Bucky's voice is full of terror.

_“Homecoming.”_ The Captain takes another step closer. _“One.”_

“Steve…stop. Please.” Bucky begs still staring up at his friend. Betrayed and hurt beyond words. The only person that he can remember as far back as his mind will let him. A face of familiarity, friendship and he's going to do this to him. Bucky shuts his eyes and waits for the last word.

“Freightcar.”

The room is silent. The heavy breathing of both men the only thing that can be heard.

“Buck?” Steve waits patiently. Hopeful. Fearful and full of dread.

“Why didn't it work?” The man on the floor asks. Voice shaky and low. Quickly rising to his feet he stares at his hands. “I don't understand.”

“That son of a...it worked.” Steve laughs loudly. His laughter is cut short when he's slammed up against the wall. “Woah...you made me make a promise...I had to make sure it worked. You gave me the words and told me that if they still worked...that you wanted to go back under.”

“What?!” Bucky growls. “So you try them here? Look at where we are! This place is full or weapons!” What if they had worked and he lost it? Steve might be able to handle the Winter Soldier, but Chrissy?

Angered beyond consol, but not wanting to regret his actions he lets Steve go.

“I'll give you some space.” Steve leaves and meets up with Chrissy halfway to the house.

“What's going on? Are you alright?” That look he gives her, it's full of guilt. “Oh no. What did you do?”

Steve gives her the quick version. She scolds him and stomps off. “Chris maybe we should…” It's too late she's already in the workshop slamming the door behind her for good measure.

“God...Bucky, are you alright?” Chrissy quickly makes her way to him. He's pacing and clearly enraged.

“Did you know about this?” He turns sharply towards her.

“No. And had I...I wouldn't have allowed it.” She watches as he presses his back against the wall and slides down to the floor. Chrissy sits beside down beside him and wraps her hands around his arm. “Are you ok?”

A sad grin as he looks back at her from underneath all that hair. “I should be happy...to know that those words have no effect on me anymore…but it was Steve…”

“I know. I'm sorry. He thought he was doing the right thing. He should have asked first.” Chrissy pushes his hair from his face. “If it makes you feel any better I was very cross with him.”

Bucky laughs and rests the back of his head on the wall. “Yeah it does a little.” He clears his throat and rests a hand on one of hers. “I'm ok. Was just a bit pissed off. It passed.”

“That was quick.” Chrissy sighs. “Well he won't get off that easy with me.” Staring at her friend, she feels that tug of protectiveness again. Steve could have found a better way to go about that. She gets that he was anxious and wanted it done. Regardless, he went about it the wrong way. She wants to comfort Bucky, but they are starting all over and she doesn't know what she should do.

“Go ahead.” He leans forward, a sly smirk on his lips. “I think that's something I can get used to.”

Chrissy places a light kiss on his cheek, her thumbs rubbing his jaw as she does. “Don't get too used to it.” She teases. “I'm glad it didn't work though.” She wraps her arms around his neck.

“Yeah that makes two of us.” His arms squeeze her form and suddenly he's ok. Things seem to slowly be falling back into place.

* * *

A woman is telling him to take deep breaths. There’s a warm hand on his chest. Now she’s counting, after each number she tells him to take a deep inhale and then explains to him where he is and who he is. Apparently, they were walking along some trails on a farm. Now, he’s having some sort of flashback. Her voice is drowned out by the sounds of men yelling, loud buzzing of bullets going by. Explosions, heat from fires, the dark of night and the pounding of the rain.

There’s a loud noise almost like another explosion and he quickly shifts, bringing the woman’s body under his as he drops to the snow covered dirt. He wraps his arms around their heads, hoping to block any debris from hitting them. Again, another bang and back draft of a bomb dropping. When the woman beneath him starts to move, he lifts his head to check their surroundings. 

“Sweetie...you’re really heavy.” She’s almost gasping. “Are you ok?”

His eyes are frantically scanning the trees and surrounding bushes, it’s mid afternoon. “Wait…” The Soldier hushes her. Attentively listening as he lifts himself up onto his elbows and waits. Again, the woman moves and Bucky brings himself back down. A finger against his lips. “Shh.”

A small hand is gently tapping him on the face. “Hey...you need to snap out of it.” Chrissy sees him shake his head and then stare down at her. 

What’s going on? Why is he on top of her? “Did I hurt you?”

“No. Everything’s fine.” She smiles up at him. “But if you could move just a bit, I’d really appreciate that.” His thigh is between her legs, pinning her to the cold moist ground.

Bucky looks down and notices how pressed up against her he really is. “Oh Jesus. I’m sorry.” He knows he’s not exactly light. 

“I think you were remembering something about a war. Are you alright?” 

A war? “I think so.” He starts to sit up and then it starts, heart’s pounding, lungs can’t seem to get enough oxygen. What. The. Hell? Is this a panic attack?

A flash of light. Something’s falling, rumbling and then exploding. Muscles stiffen as he prepares to brace himself for that rush of air and heat that comes with…

“Bucky. Open your eyes.” So he does as the woman commands. Chrissy’s forehead is pressed against his, and she’s cupping his face. “Breathe. Nice long deep breaths.” Again, he follows her instructions, mimicking her breathing pattern. “That’s it. You’re doing great. Again, just like me. Keep your eyes open and focus on my breathing.”

“In.” They inhale together. “Out.” And then a long exhale. “Ok. Keep doing that. You’re safe. We’re safe. Keep breathing, just like me.”

She’s not telling him to relax, calm down or move. Even though he’s clearly weighing down on her, this small woman continues to remain patient with him. Her facial expressions are that of concern and warmth. His anxiety is dissipating. Her eyes never leave his.

“But there was planes I heard them…men shouting...” He starts to look around the area, confused as to why he’s not in a trench somewhere.

“No. That was a long time ago.” She brings his attention back to her. “Focus on me. Copy my breathing.” Grasping his right hand, she places it on her chest. “In and out.” She reminds and this seems to work. 

“I’m hurting you.” The Soldier can feel his body crushing down on hers. Next thing he knows, he’s trying to sit up and his chest is heaving with heavy breaths.

“No you’re not. Breathe.” She reminds and keeps him still. “You’re just a bit heavy. It’s fine.” Fingers are pushing his hair behind his ears, while quickly checking the pulse in his neck. “In.” Once more, he’s mimicking her deep inhales and long exhales. “Out.”

After a few minutes, he seems to have calmed down. “See, it only lasted a few minutes. Now you can sit up.”

The Soldier sits and allows his tired frame a moment to process what just happened. The woman is rubbing a palm over his torso and just sitting by his side quietly, waiting for him to tell her if he needs anything.

“Thank-you by the way.” Chrissy whispers.

“For what?” Bucky’s voice is shaky and dry. “I was crushing you.” He’s embarrassed. 

“Only a little. And you were protecting me.” 

He lifts a brow in her direction, maybe she’s the one with mental problems. “From what? Imaginary bombs and gunshots?”

Chrissy sighs, her shoulders lifting and falling. “You thought it was real. It was real to you and the first thing you thought of was protecting someone who was near. Doesn’t matter that it happened a long time ago or only in your head. Your first instinct was to protect. As usual.” She beams up at him. “That’s not something they put in here.” Chrissy taps the side of his head gently. “That’s all you. You’re a good man.”

“I…” Bucky nods. “Thanks.”

“I’m going back to the house to get cleaned up. Come on.” Chrissy can tell that he’s exhausted. Probably hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since he’s been back home. She sees him hesitate. “You should probably shower, maybe get some rest.” She says in a gentle voice. When the man finally nods and rises to his feet, Chrissy smiles. “Alright, let's go.”

* * *


	21. Chapter 21: Wayward Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I’m posting this now. Thought it would be nice to have something posted before I head out to NYC Comiccon with my friend and fellow author AmethystFlame. I’ll post a link to her Bucky/Oc fic here and you should check it out! Love love love it. 
> 
> I’m not generally a very sensitive person, but sweet baby Jesus there’s a part in this chapter that tears me up a little, only a little, but still. Let’s see if you all can figure out what spot that is lol. 
> 
> Big thank you to everyone reading, leaving likes, kudos, bookmarking, faving and commenting on this. All of our little chit chats in pms and comments are always great and I appreciate everyone one of you, even those who just stop in to read ;)
> 
> As always, R&R and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http:// vamporchid. Tumblr. com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www. Canva .com /design / DAB-5yBeJ9w /view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 21: Wayward Sons **

 

The sun is setting when Chrissy finds Steve. Sitting on the wooden fence, the Captain watchs the horses as they run around in the snow covered field. It's serene and peaceful, yet he still feels so tense. A warm breath leaves him in a puff of white mist. 

“Hey.” Chrissy straddles the fence and sits beside him. “You've been quiet.”

“Have I?” The Captain shakes his head and continues to stare at the animals. Shoulders and posture slumped forward, he looks burnt out and worn.

Chrissy pulls her jacket in closer when a breeze picks up. The cool air turning the tip of her nose and cheeks pink. “Do you remember the first few weeks you spent here?” She asks while smiling fondly at the memory. Steve had been so withdrawn when Tony had first showed up with him.

“Yeah.” 

Steve had been having nightmares and troubles adjusting to the new world around him, even though he'd been brought out of the ice almost a year prior. Regrets, guilt and shame. The faces of friends and loved ones that he'd never see again. Long gone. 

Many nights he'd wake in a cold sweat. The train, the plane, Bucky, Peggy, his men. So many were gone. He had let them down. 

“I remember.” He answers happily. Chrissy didn't push, but eventually he had opened up to her and Connor. There was something about this place that Sam just couldn't offer. And Sam’s friendship is one of those things that Steve wouldn't trade for the world. “Is there a point to this?” He questions knowing full well that this woman always has a reason to saying and doing the things that she does.

“I know it's hard. But you need to try and let go of some of that guilt.” He knows exactly what she's talking about.

A shaky breath escapes his lips, leaving another trail of white mist in the air. Steve nods quickly. “I know...I just don't know how.”

“Maybe talk to Bucky. Tell him what's on your mind…”

The Captain jumps down from his spot and paces. “How could he ever forgive me?” He's almost shouting. Chrissy knows he's angry with himself and not her. 

Tucking her scarf in around her neck and rubbing her hands together, Chrissy tries to offer in words. “Steve. You were only doing something he asked you to. It was just bad timing...it’s not your fault…”

“Are you sure about that?!” He can feel moisture in his eyes. What the hell? “Buck wouldn’t have fell if he wouldn't have been on that damn train. But I just needed my best Soldier with me. I was so busy trying to save the world... that it didn't even occur to me that he was struggling every day with the torture they had put him through.” A small grunt of frustration as he tilts his head back, wanting to shout, choosing not to.

Hands on his hips, Steve’s pacing become more frantic. The sounds of wind and wheels running on train tracks, he can hear it all as if it's happening all over again. “He fell...and it was so high. There shouldn't have been a way for him to survive. And we never looked for his...he shouldn't have survived. I should have looked... And I should have known what they did to him during all that time. He never talked much about the incident. But he asked me a bunch of questions, at random times. All clues. He was terrified that they did something to change him...like Schmidt.” Steve runs a hand over his mouth and shuts his eyes for a brief moment. Remembering the wild look in Buck’s eyes the day that mask fell off. “That day in Washington...when I saw him. After all those years. And he looked at me…It’s like I was being punished. Right then it clicked. I knew what they had done to him so long ago. That’s why he survived that fall. That’s why he was standing right there.” 

Wiping his palms on his thighs, the Captain tries to calm his nerves. “The look on his face the other day...Those triggers. Those words. He actually thought I that I was going to...It was actual torture for him, for me. I was breaking him apart, piece by piece. Even though it didn’t work. He thought…” Steve can’t finish. The only thing leaving his lips now is a deep sigh. Disgust. Stomach twists in knots. 

Chrissy hasn't said a word. Shivering, she continues to sit there and listen to him. 

“Tell me. Knowing I could have probably prevented all of this. Do you think he'd forgive any of it?” He asks staring up at the sky. 

Chrissy shifts and then slides off from her spot. “Don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I do think that he understands, to some degree. But you need closure and you need to tell him these things. I think it's the guilt and the not knowing that's eating away at you. After all these years of not knowing. Of not being able to talk to him and really find out, you have the chance to now. Bucky’s here. He’s alive. The one link to your life before all of this. You really should speak with him.” The woman pockets her hands and turns to head back towards the house. “And Steve...this avoiding him thing...he's noticed. He hasn't said anything. But I know he's noticed. If you continue going on like this...well he's going to start thinking that he did something wrong. Bucky’s confused enough as it is.”

“You're right...I'll talk to him.” He promises. “I...thanks Chris.”

“Yeah...anytime.” She snickers. “And Steve.” Chrissy regards him with soft eyes. “I love you. No matter how crazy things will ever get. Don’t ever doubt that I still care for you, ok.” She smiles thoughtfully. “I know I was a bit harsh with you the other day. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I deserved it. Think I just wanted it over with.” Steve grunts out. “It’s the look of betrayal on his face…” The Captain leans forward and grips the wooden fence. “I think...I need sometime away. That was harder for me than I thought it would be. I’m going to head back to New York tomorrow. I think it’s best for now. Give him a bit of space and some time with you. See if that helps.”

“Alright.” Chrissy sighs, not really wanting him to go anywhere. “I understand.”

“I’ll check in everyday and see how he’s doing.”

* * *

“Figured I'd find you here.” The Captain leans against the wall of the workshop. Buck's under that car again. He can hear the cranking of a wrench as the other man continues to work. Wait, he’s working on the car? 

“It's not gonna fix itself.” The pair of Jean wearing legs sticking out from under the Dodge bend and then pull the rest of the man out. Buck's arm is spotted with oil and his hair is tied back. As if reading the other man’s mind he smirks and wipes his hands on the rag by his side. “Weird right? I know how to work on a vehicle that was made well after my time.” The Soldier stands up and places a few of his tools back to their rightful spots. 

“You should get a haircut.” Steve snickers trying to ease the tension between them.

Bucky grins as he grabs a bottle of water off of the table. “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Different look for a different time.” He crosses his arms and sighs. “What's wrong? You have that sad lost dog look.”

“Puppy. Sad puppy.” Steve corrects, shakes his head and laughs lightly.

Lifting a brow, Bucky's tongue glides over his teeth. “Nah. Puppies are little.”

The two men remain in awkward silence for a moment. Bucky's staring at his friend while he goes about the place, picking up random tools and then putting them down. The Captain taps the punching bag a few times and drags a breath in between his teeth. 

“Spit it out already.” Honestly, Steve's behavior is making him anxious. Whatever it is that has Rogers this nervous can't be good and Bucky just wants him to get it out in the open already.

Smile fading as he drags a hand through his hair, Steve musters up the courage to tackle this conversation. “Buck…” He looks over at the man sitting patiently at the table. “I…” Wow this is hard. He tilts his head back and takes in a deep breath. Breathe he reminds himself. His eyes land on the form of the other man. He's still waiting, still giving Steve his full attention. “Buck. I'm sorry.”

Confused Barnes shrugs his shoulders. “Ok? For what?” Is he referring to the other day? Yeah ok, sure. That little test pissed him off, but Bucky understands. Steve had made a promise and was just following through with it. Orders of sorts. Sure he could have said something, maybe explained beforehand. Something. But, what’s done is done. Steve really does have good intentions when it comes to the people he cares about. 

The Captain’s sights linger on the shiny metal of the prosthetic. Bucky looks down at his left arm. “Not your fault.” He says so matter of factly with a role of his shoulders. 

“But you were captured once. Then you fell and...and I left you there!” Steve’s aggravated, his friend should hate him, or at the very least be upset with him. “Everything you've gone through, endured and done. It's my hand that forced it. You should hate me.”

“I don't.”

“I know. And I guess for some reason that bothers me. Fills me with even more guilt.” Steve sighs. Shoulders dropping with a weight he didn’t know he was still carrying after all this time. “I was originally coming here to apologize for the other day…”

“There's nothing to forgive. Nothing to apologize for.”

Rogers seems more irritated now. A quick shake of his head as he places his hands on his hips and takes in a long breath of air.

Licking his lips, the Soldier grins. “If it makes you feel better...I heard that I did try to kill you a few times. Maybe we can call it even.”

A loud laugh leaves the Captain as he regains his composure. “Yeah. There's that...I guess.” Steve must of forgot how quiet his friend can be, because he’s just now realizing how close the other man is.

“But if it'll help.” Bucky grasps his friend's shoulder. “I forgive you.” Three little words. Small, hard to say. Holding so much impact. Buck, of all people would know. That part of himself that wrote in all of those journals, has been searching for that exact same thing. The least he can do is offer peace of mind to someone who at actually deserves it. “Although I don’t think there’s anything you should be apologizing for. I have no grudges. And I would do it all over again. Everything. The exact same way. Because we were fighting for what we believed in. What was right. I followed you because I believed in you. And I still do.”

Steve regards his friend with a half smile. “Thanks. I'm glad you're here.”

“Me too pal.”

* * *

It’s been three days since Steve left, and she has to admit, the house has this odd vibe. As though it’s empty, but she knows it’s not. Not the same. Bucky’s here, but he’s not. He’s a man that she doesn’t really know, but he is all at once. Dear Lord this is confusing for everyone. A lot more than she thought it would be. 

Chrissy’s going through her filing cabinets, getting rid of any paperwork she’d rather not have around. Fodder for the firepit, she laughs quietly to herself. She doesn’t need to hear him to know that he’s there, lingering in the shadows. Bucky’s not trying to hide his presence, but he’s not announcing himself either. Observing, why wouldn’t he be? 

He’s still trying to come to terms with everything. Still trying to figure out what everything means to him.

“Burn pile.” She talks out loud to try and fill the void of nothingness in the room. This is a habit that Chrissy had picked up years ago, when she was trying to get use to the quiet after Connor’s death. “What’s this?” She studies the folder, opens it, flips through it quickly, receipts and not much else. She sighs and her breath pushes the bangs from her face. “Burn.” The folder is chucked into the pile.

After half an hour Chrissy has enough paper to toss into the fire pit. She stands, wipes her hands on her thighs and picks up the filing box. The throbbing starts before she can anticipate it. The cardboard box hits the floor by her feet and Chrissy knows that the only thing for her to catch herself on is the desk. She reaches out for the corner but is surprised to feel a forearm around her abdomen.

“You alright?” The Soldier asks barely above a whisper.

“Migraine.” She informs. He must have read about this in his journals, because he doesn’t seem all that surprised when she looks over her shoulder at him. “I-I’ll be ok.” She clears her throat, his forearm tightens. “I must have gotten up too fast or something…”

The Soldier slowly releases his grip. As he pulls away, she sways and starts to drop. “Damnit.” He breathes out heavily. “Yeah, I’m not letting go. You’re gonna fall.”

Warm liquid is running down towards her lip. “I can’t catch a break.” The back of her hand is stained red as she pulls it away from her face.

Bucky spares her a worried glare. “Alright, what do we do?” Wow, that’s a first. He’s not reaching for his phone to call Stevens and he’s not running to grab her meds. It’s refreshing, but it reminds her of his current mind set.

“We?” Chrissy snickers. Cute. He barely knows or remembers her, but it’s we already. 

“Something funny?” He raises an annoyed brow. Arm shifting and tightening once more. Is she expecting him to just leave her here?

“What? No.” Again she’s wiping the blood from her face. When she goes to place her free hand on his metallic arm he pulls it away. “I won’t do anything to…”

“You shouldn’t touch that...it’s, well…” He lets out an exhausted breath. “Come on, let’s get you to the kitchen at least.”

“Alright.” She allows the man to guide her to a chair near the wooden cooking island. As if something in him has a memory of this place, he finds the things he’s looking for without effort. He pulls the third drawer open, grabs a cloth, wets it and tends to her face.

“See, you remember things, you just don’t realize it.” Chrissy beams softly. “You’ll remember more and more as the days go bye.”

“Don’t look into it too much...found where everything was when I was snooping around the first night.” Bucky tilts her face up slowly and cleans the blood. “But in some aspects...maybe you’re right. But until I remember everything... I’m a bit annoyed and irritated. Sorry.” He laughs gently. 

“Don’t apologize. I can’t imagine how frustrating this all must be.” She grips his metallic wrist and he pulls away again. “Sorry. I’m not used to…” Chrissy sighs. “I know that this must be something awful for you to try and get used to.” She’s referring to his arm and he knows it. 

To him this is an appendage of evil. Of mass chaos, death and destruction. If what he’s read in those books are true. Then everything he did is attached to this arm. If everything he’s read in those words are true, their hidden meaning, than he cares for this woman, a great deal. She shouldn’t be anywhere near this vile contraption.

Bucky’s fingers open and close a few times. “You shouldn’t have to...or even want to be near this.” His eyes linger over the foreign object. “If I could...it’d be gone…”

“Sweetie.” Chrissy sighs, tries to rise from her chair and fails. The Soldier is forced to make his way to her quickly and catch her by the waist. “See.” She grips his forearm once more. “Can be used for good too.”

* * *

All of this, these memories in books and scribbled down notes. Dates, names, places and times. They’re organized and precise, but they’re mostly depressing and gruesum. Maybe something a little light hearted will jog his memory, or even put a smile on his face. It’s been a long time since she’s seen him even flash a quick smirk.

Chrissy places a large box meant for filing on the dining table. “I’m sure that you’ve gone through this house enough times to realizes that I like to take pictures. Don’t know why. I just like catching moments in time on film. Always have.” The man by her side rubs his knees anxiously. “Ok. I’m going to show you some pictures. Maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. Don’t treat it like a test. It’s just a nice way to relax and maybe help your brain piece things together. Alright?” A warm smile.

Bucky nods and exhales deeply, not sure if this is really worth her time. “Fine.”

The woman bites her bottom lip gently and places the first photo on the table. It’s a picture of him, looks like late summer, he’s sitting by the fire looking over the lake. And to Bucky’s surprise, he seems relaxed, stretched out on a wooden chair. He picks up the photo and sighs. “Nothing.”

“It’s ok.” She pulls out a few other pictures. “You’re really fond of working with your hands. Keeps you busy.” 

There’s a photo of him in the workshop, sanding down a plank of wood. Another where’s he’s perched at the top of that log cabin. “Do you ever take pictures when people are ready for it?” He laughs softly. And there it is, a small smile. Good.

“Yes.” She debates pulling the next one out, but does anyways. Chrissy hands him the picture and waits.

Eyes squinting slightly, thumb dragging over the picture, the Soldier licks his lips. “When was this?” You’d almost be fooled into thinking that this is a picture of a happy family. A little girl with the same dark hair as his, eyes large and round like Chrissy’s. All three of them smiling up at the camera as they lie back in the fluffy snow.

“Christmas holidays.” 

That was last month. He rubs a thumb over his brow and continues to stare at the picture. Something’s there, tugging at his core, but what? Is his brain trying to tell him something? Trying to remember? Why does his heart feel like it’s breaking? Bucky adjusts his back and sits a little more forward. Heart racing with panic and distress. A sudden thought occurs. 

“Is she…” He coughs and swallows hard. “Mine?” Eyes continue to study the picture.

Palm pressed flat over his chest as he tries to calm the frantic beating. What kind of father would forget his own daughter? Where’s her room? Why isn't she here? Even if he's messed up right now, shouldn't she be with her parents? Is that why he keeps having more lucid dreams or lingering memories about being in Chrissy’s bed? Were they a couple? Why did he go through with any of this if…?

“Or ours? Why isn’t she here? Is she afraid of me...or do you not trust me to be around her?” Maybe something horrible happened to this kid. Was he the reason? Is that why he and Chrissy aren't involved? He did something horrible, and now this woman resents him? Even he can hear the agony in his voice. He’s choking up. A fist is brought up to his lips as he clears his throat.

“Oh, Bucky. No.” Chrissy’s sincere when she grabs hold of his hand. This was not a thought that had occurred to her. She just wanted him to focus on happy memories. “I would have told you right from the beginning if there was anything that important to know. Ok? We don't have any children. We didn't have that kind of relationship.”

The Soldier nods quickly and uses the base of his t-shirt to wipe his eyes. Jesus that was a good scare. Why is he so upset? Disappointed in the fact that the happy picture isn't one of a family he wished he had? Or relief that he doesn't have one, because he wouldn't want them to deal with what he's become. 

“I need you to try and trust that I have your best interest in mind. Alright?” Another nod. 

He sniffs, still in a bit of distress. Calm yourself. “Do you have more with her?” Chrissy hands him another photo with the little girl. She’s kissing his cheek and he looks really uncomfortable, but he’s smiling regardless. Little arms wrapped around his neck. God this hurts, but it’s lovely to see all at once. The top of his brain starts to sting, maybe this is helping.

“Want to see another with her or something different?”

Bucky places the photos all in a line. “What’s her name?” His eyes drift over every photo. 

“Ariana.” Chrissy can see his shoulders sag. “Here, she wanted us to take this one with her before she left.” She hands him what she considers her favorite. A picture of the three of them with one of the horses out by the barn. “She wanted something nice to frame for her room.”

Bucky examines the photo carefully and sighs. He piles the photos together and runs a hand through his hair. “What’s next?”

“Alright. How about this. I’ll show you pictures of people. You tell me what you can. If you can’t, well, then I’ll give you a brief description and then we’ll continue.”

That sounds easy enough. Accept they go through a few dozen pictures and he can’t point out anyone familiar or any of their names. Chrissy gives a few details about each person and recounts a few funny stories that actually have him grinning. Finally starting to enjoy this little exercise, Bucky starts to pull some pictures out of the box on his own, even if it’s a bit discouraging that he can’t remember any of the events or people.

Tilting his head to the side, the Soldier regards the photo that he pulls out by chance. A gruff looking man, lighting a cigar on the back deck. “Who’s this?” Bucky can feel something in his chest. Panic? Sorrow?

Chrissy stands behind him and looks over his shoulder. Smile fading, she clears her throat. “That’s Logan.” Gently, but quickly, she removes the photo from his fingers and tosses it back into the box. The woman pushes her hair back and sits back down beside him. He’s read those journals over countless times. By the look on his face, she can tell that he recognizes the name.

“It’s alright.” He shrugs. “I need to know.” The Soldier sucks a bit of air in between his teeth and grips his knees tightly.

Chrissy takes the hairband from around her wrist and quickly ties up her hair. “I know that you’ll remember everything at some point. And we both know that there’s a lot of bad stored in your head. I just want you to realize that there’s also so much good and joy for you to gain back in those memories as well.”

The Soldier’s deep in thought, but nods. Finger gently scratching at the woodgrain of the table.

“Look. I’ll admit. I might be a bit bias, greedy even, when it comes to you regaining your memories. You’re my friend.” Her fingers grip his hand. “But I won’t risk your recovery or your sanity for quick fixes. So even when you feel like giving up, I’ll be here to help you get back on the right track. Promise.”

“I appreciate the effort.” Wow, he feels drained. “Even if it didn’t work. This was nice to see. Nice to know that I’m capable of more than just…” Killing. Mutilating. Terrorism. “Can we try again another time?”

It might not have worked this time around, but she’s planted a tiny seed of hope in him. “Anytime you want. I’m glad you enjoyed this. Guess it’s a good thing I’ve been camera happy all these years.”

* * *

There's a horrific scream. Bucky springs up, now fully awake in bed. Carefully he listens, trying to decipher what it was he heard. Was it a dream or did he really hear...

A scream, this time more distressed. Chrissy!

Quickly and quietly he bolts from his bed, out his door and down the hall. His ears never pick up the sounds of anything out of the ordinary. No extra footsteps, no extra breathing, nothing. Leaning against the wall, his eyes now fully adjusted to the dark, he can see that Chrissy's bedroom door is open slightly ajar like it always is. Bucky places calculated gentle steps down as he creeps up towards the door.

There's a pained groan and then Chrissy screams again. Sending chills up his spine, Bucky waits no longer to open the door and see…

Nothing.

Just Chrissy, waking from her sleep, slowly sitting up. Jesus 'fucking' christ. Bucky takes a seat on the side of her bed, he doesn't remember any training or any memory that helps him in this type of situation. "Chrissy..." He whispers as he grabs hold of her shoulder. The metal of his touch seeming to shake her from her thoughts.

Grabbing at the material over her chest, Chrissy sits up a bit more. "Bucky? Oh God I'm sorry. I must have woken you."

She feels bad for him? Seriously?

"Just thought you were...being harmed." Hand still on her shoulder, he can feel that she's trembling.

"That bad huh? I haven't had an episode like that in well, over a year." Chrissy starts to take a few deep breaths. Even though it's dark, she stares at her trembling hands. Usually she's alone when this happens, left to her fears by herself for days.

Against his better judgement, Bucky places himself on top of the blankets by her side. Pulling her shoulders towards him, he relaxes and waits for Chrissy to settle beside him. Wrapping his arm around her frame, Bucky rests his head on the extra pillow. "Is this...ok?" Considering recent events, and how he’d been trying to not let either of them get too touchy feely, he had to ask.

Chrissy nods against his chest and shivers a bit more. "It's...fine."

"Was that about..." Connor, he leaves out.

Clearing her throat, she nods, not able to speak for fear of bawling her eyes out. A few tears fall from her eyes and land on his shirt. Bucky pulls her a bit closer and sighs, not knowing what else to say or do. But this, this gesture, is the most generous thing he could have done for her. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to put into words how much this is appreciated. For him to push his personal boundaries and insecurities aside just for her, is more than anyone has done for her in a very long time.

Her fingers grip at his shirt as she tries to let sleep claim her once more. She's terrified of what she might relive again. Chrissy decides to concentrate on the heartbeat drumming away beneath her, his long deep breaths as he begins to relax. Her body stops shaking. She can feel his metal thumb make small soothing circles on her upper arm. Closing her eyes, she continues to focus on these things alone.

* * *

It’s early when he hears the phone ringing downstairs. The Soldier rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands, yawns and stretches out his back. Glancing to the empty space beside him, he wonders how long Chrissy’s been up. Bucky glances up at the clock. 7 A.M. Jeez, time to get up. Although, he has to admit, that was the first good night's sleep he's had since they came home. He changes quickly in his room and gets ready for the day.

Mumbled words are heard as he makes his way down the stairs. Chrissy has the phone perched between her shoulder and ear as she continues to make breakfast. He can smell pancakes and coffee as soon as he enters the kitchen. She acknowledges his presence with a curt nod and smile and hands him a cup of coffee.

“I’ll ask. He’ll probably agree.” Alright she’s talking to someone about him. “I want to make sure that there’s progress and healing as well.” 

Right, Stark. Probably wants to do a check up. When Bucky had finally calmed down after watching that video and talking to Steve, Tony was the one that explained everything again. Every detail and step. Barf. What the hell? Who names a medical device after a bodily function?

“Right. Yeah. I’ll send Steve a text later Tony. Thanks again.” Chrissy hangs up the phone and then flips the pancakes in the pan.

Bucky continues to sip at his hot coffee. “He wants to examine me.” The Soldier snickers. That came out wrong. The woman lifts an amused brow in his direction. “Wants to make sure it’s still working.”

“Yes.” Chrissy hands him a plate of food. “But he also wants to check on your health. He’s just as concerned as me and Steve are about your well being.” Chrissy almost laughs when Bucky snorts. “Alright. Yeah I know. You two don’t have the most stellar of friendships. I’m sure you could sense that without reading about it. But trust me when I say that he does care.”

“Fine.” He puffs out. “So when do I leave?”

“Tony was suggesting that we head there tomorrow.” 

“I can go. There’s no reason to have you tag along. I know you’re a busy gal.” Ouch. He sees her pass him an odd look, as if she wasn’t expecting that response. “It’s what, for the day? I’d be back on time for supper. Besides, Steve’s there. I can’t get into too much trouble.” A wink and a grin that has the woman smiling back at him. 

Chrissy shakes her head and bites down on her lower lip. He can’t tell if the woman’s hiding concern or something else. “Alright. Please behave.” She teases and squeezes his hand quickly. “And thanks by the way. For keeping me company last night. Sorry if I freaked you out.”

Making sure to occupy himself with eating, Bucky tries not to pay too much attention to this now uncomfortable conversation. “Uh yeah. No problem.” Mouthful of pancake, he finishes his meal and coffee. “Gonna head outside for a bit.” Dishes are rinsed and placed into the sink quickly.

“Alright.” Yup, the friction in the air, she feels it as well.

* * *

Looking over the notes and data on the tablet in his hands, Tony lets out a sigh of relief. Looks like nothing’s damaged. Nothing’s reversing either. So in a way, that’s good. Now it’s just a waiting game to see if and when this guy will get his most recent memories back. “Do you remember what happened in Washington?” The Ironman asks.

“Bits and pieces.” The Soldier shrugs. “I seem to remember more and more everyday. Matches up with things I have written down.” He coughs. Yeah, the stuff that’s coming back to him. Most of it has been written down in his journals already, but he’s added more to those notes. Much more. Upgrades. Torture. Training. Killing. Freezing. Monster. Only, this is the first time he’s admitting it out loud.

Tony places the electronic device down on the desk and leans forward in his chair. Elbows rest on his knees as his hands rub together anxiously. “You remember anything at all about Chris?”

“Memories? Not full ones.” Bucky can see that this information bothers the other man before him. “More like...bits and pieces. Kind of like going through deja vue.”

Alright, that they can work with. Stark’s thinking, rubbing his brow, making weird popping and clicking noises with his mouth. “K. I...uh...I’m going to ask some personal questions. It’s not to make cheap shots or anything like that. I want to help spark something. Maybe a buried emotion to see if that helps. But I need you to be honest with me. No matter how embarrassing it might seem. Alright?”

“Fine.” Annoyed, the Soldier takes a seat and tries to relax.

Tony clears his throat. Well at least Barnes didn’t just dismiss the idea all together. A feeling of awkwardness and tension hangs thickly in the room. “Before you went under. Me and you. We had a private conversation. One that’s not recorded anywhere. You told me that if something like this happened, that there was one more trigger. One you knew I wouldn’t be able to remove. Do remember the word?”

Bucky lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah. That I remember.” Obviously, he trusted this man enough to share that information. Why wasn’t it something he informed Steve of, he’s not quite sure.

“Ok. See? Friends.” Tony grins. “I bet right about now you’re wondering why Steve wasn’t the one you shared this with. Well, that I’m not sure about. Guess you had your reasons.” The other man continues to stare in his direction. “Alright. Next question...and believe me this is awkward for me as well.” Tony gets out of his chair and pours himself and the other man a whiskey. “When you’re around her...Chrissy...do you feel or sense anything?”

Taking the offered drink, the Soldier nods, unable to verbally answer. Tony pats him on the shoulder. Right, so his connection to the now isn’t totally severed. That’s a strong memory for his consciousness to try to connect the dots with. “Listen, I’m only asking, because if anything’s going to elicit some sort of reaction from your brain...that will.”

Staring at the drink in his hands, Bucky knows what the man is referring to. Makes sense. “What now?”

“Now?” Tony snickers and sits back down. “You continue with what you were doing. You’re healing in a sense. Chris will help.”

Just as the two men settle in their comfortable silence, there’s a knock at the door. “Enter.” Tony quirks. Clint’s pushing open the door with a smile. He takes a few steps into the office with a grin. “Barton. What’s up?”

As Hawkeye passes by Barnes, he offers the man a polite nod and smile. There’s something in the way he moves towards Stark that has Bucky’s muscles tensing up. “Just received intel…” He’s reaching for something in his back pocket. Something’s wrong.

Bucky drops his drink and tackles Clint to the ground.

* * *

“Explain to me again why he's in there like that!” Chrissy points angrily at the two-way glass. She leaves him alone for one day. One day! And look at what happens. 

Bucky's hands are chained behind him. Kneeling, head slump forward, the dog tags around his neck hanging freely, he seems calm, tired and compliant.

“Chris like I told you over the phone. He lost it. He almost killed Barton. Look, I don't like this anymore than you do.”

“Steve you said he was saying that something was wrong with Clint. He wouldn't have attacked him for nothing. And if Bucky really wanted Clint dead, he'd be dead.” Chrissy makes her way towards the sealed door. “Open it.”

“Chris we can't be sure that.. “ 

“Steve. Open the damn door.” She tilts her head back impatiently and waits. “I’m not gonna argue with you.”

With a sigh, the Captain caves and punches in his security code. The metal door opens and then shuts as soon as she makes her way into the room.

“Bucky?” Chrissy kneels down in front of him. He's still staring down at the floor, hair tangled and covering his face. His shoulders are pulled back with the strain of keeping his weight up. “Hey sweetie. Look at me.” Her hands tilts his face up and then she sees it. The drowsy look in his eyes, drugged. “Oh, what did they do?” She pushes his hair behind his ears and kisses his forehead. “It's ok. I'm gonna get you out of here.” His eyes continue to stare at her and follow her movements. “Are you alright?” He nods slightly and blinks slowly. 

Chrissy looks up at the glass and exhales. Annoyed, she waits. Steve must be debating what to do. She knows he's in a tough spot, but this is a bit ridiculous. There's a click of metal and then the restraints let their prisoner go. Bucky's frame slumps forward and Chrissy is forced to help keep him up.

“There. I got you.” She cradles him against her body and leans back against the wall for support. He's so heavy. His head is resting on her chest and she uses her legs to keep the rest of him from falling to the floor. “What happened?” Sitting on the cool tiled floor she sighs and pushes his hair back once more.

A deep exhale leaves the Soldier as he shuts his eyes. He's far too drugged on whatever they put into his system to even talk. 

“Was this really necessary?” Chrissy vents at the mirror. “How are we supposed to get any answers this way?” She shouts. Right, now she’s pissed.

The door opens and Steve is standing there looking like he feels horrible. His best friend, and this was his decision. He takes a step into the room and is saddened when Chrissy squeezes Buck closer, obviously afraid that he’ll do something. Take him away? Hurt him? He’d never... “I'm not going to...Chris I never wanted any of this. He left me with no choice.”

“You know him. What he can do. You know if Bucky wanted to, he wouldn't be in this room, no matter how drugged or disorientated.” Chrissy adjusts her back and sits up a bit more. The man in her arms shuts his eyes once more and allows himself to sink against his friend further. “Instead, he chose to stay put and cooperate. Why do you think that is? Jesus Steve. You're not thinking very clearly lately. What's going on with you?”

“I...you're right. I'm sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I’m just trying to protect him and everyone else.” Steve crouches and folds his hands together. “Let's get Buck somewhere he can rest. Then I'll get Tony and Nat to check over Barton.” She’s right, Bucky would never lash out for no reason. The Winter Soldier, maybe, but that part of him is supposed to be in some sort of remission. 

When Steve reaches out, Chrissy flinches. Still afraid that something might happen. “It's ok.” Bucky whispers and tries to sit up.

“Sorry Buck.” The Captain grabs the other man's arm and places it over his shoulders. 

Barnes nods and lets his friends help him to his feet. “How’s Barton?” 

“You knocked him unconscious...he’s a little battered and bruised, but he’s fine.” They slowly make their way to Chrissy’s room. Once lying comfortably in bed, the Soldier allows himself to shut his eyes and rest. 

Steve motions for Chris to follow him out into the hallway. “I can't believe this. After all the times we’ve come here. He always said that this place didn’t feel as safe as it looks. Now I’m starting to wonder if maybe he was right.” She shakes her head frustrated. Angered beyond reasoning.

“Come on. Put yourself in my shoes. What was I supposed to do?” Steve is trying to remain patient. “He still doesn't remember everything. He barely remembers you. So cut me a bit of slack here.” Woah, this is the first time in all the years of knowing her that Steve can say that he’s upset with her.

“But you know him Steve! His train of thought. His resolve. He's a good man.”

“Doesn't matter.” The Captain sighs. “I can't take any chances. Not when I know what he's capable of doing. But I'd never...he'll always be safe with me.” The memory of the train hits him. “I won't ever let anything happen to him again.”

“Steve…”

“I get it Chrissy. I know why you’re so damned determined and scared.” His eyes are serious as he looks at her. She’s bites back any counter remark and sighs. “I'm making you a promise. I won't let anything happen to him. If that means I have to lock him up to protect him. Then that's what I'm going to do. But you need to trust me ok? Since when have you ever started to doubt that? Doubt me? I make mistakes. But I have the best intentions.” 

“Yeah I know. Sorry...” Rogers pulls the sniffling woman to him in a tight hug. “Just seeing him like that…”

“Yeah. It was hard for me too.” Steve sighs and finally lets go. “Alright. Keep an eye on him. I've got a few things to look into.”

When Chrissy enters the room, Bucky's eyes are just barely open. He lifts his metallic hand, palm up in her direction. Smiling she grasps his offered hand and sits on the bed. The Soldier places his head on her lap and lets out a deep exhale. He might not remember her much, but he’s happy she’s here with him.

“What am I going to do with you?” She sighs. “Are you thirsty or hungry?”

The Soldier nods. “It can wait. Tired.” When Chrissy goes to move, Bucky squeezes her knee. “Stay. Please.” He doesn't want to be alone, and knows that this woman won't let these people drug him again. God he hates needles. Hates drugs. Starting to not be all that fond of people.

“Alright.” He allows her to slide down and get comfortable. “Rest. When you wake up we'll get you cleaned up and something to eat. Maybe try to convince these people to let us go home.” And just like that he's asleep. Her thumb drags over his swollen and bruised lip. Yup, that’s Steve handy work. She sighs.

Chrissy rolls her eyes and curses silently. She wants to bring him back home. But that probably won't happen too soon. She touches his sweaty forehead. With a grimace she realizes that he has a fever. Probably the drugs leaving his system. They just can’t catch a break, can they?

“Sweetie we need to cool you down.” 

The man groans, he doesn't want to move or do anything. Just sleep. He's sore and drained.

“I know. I'm a pain in the ass. Come on. Up.” She could get a doctor in here, but that might be a bad idea. She doubts very much that Steve has informed anyone of Bucky’s release. So they’d probably drug him back up and ship him out.

With a groan of protest the Soldier pushes himself to sit up. His eyes are barely remaining open as she practically peels off his damp shirt. He's sweaty and hot to the touch. “K. There's no way you can shower or anything. I'll wipe you down and you can get some rest. Get your boots off. Ok?”

When she returns with a bowl of cold water and a wash clothe, Bucky's curled up on his side, blankets pulled up to his chin as he shivers. His pants and boots piled in a heap on the floor.

“You better not be naked under there.” She huffs and take a seat on the bed. “Sorry but you're burning up. I know you feel like you're freezing…” She gently pulls back the covers and he instinctively crosses his arms over his chest to keep himself warm. Chrissy spots the band of his underwear and is relieved that he's not totally nude in her bed. She also spots more bruising. Damn it, Steve. 

A cold wet cloth wipes over his face, chest and back causing him to shiver more. “Sorry. I have to.” She wipes Bucky down the best she can and then places a cold wet cloth on his forehead. “Done. Promise.”

A sheet is pulled back up to his shoulders and Chrissy lies down in front of him. Constantly checking his forehead. The Soldier grabs her wrist, kisses the back of her hand and falls asleep.

“I'm not going anywhere. And no one is taking you anywhere either. Promise. Sleep sweetie.”

* * *

Bucky’s been asleep for hours. Chrissy hasn’t left his side. She’s debating trying to get in contact with Steve when there’s a knock at her door. Muscles tense with uncertainty as she goes over the possible scenarios. “Just a second.” She calls out. Smoothing out the material of her shirt, she takes a deep breath and then opens the door.

Relief washes over her when she sees Tony standing there. “Steve gave me a run down. He still asleep?” Stark asks while peeking over her shoulder. The woman nods. “Can we talk for a second?” Chrissy shuts the door behind her as she places herself in the hallway. “Barnes was right…” Tony rubs the back of his neck. “Found this in Barton’s back pocket.” A small canister the size of a pen is held out in front of her. “We’re still looking into the exact chemistry of the formula…”

“Before you start speaking another language...Tony, just explain to me what the hell is going on. And tell me that Clint’s alright.”

“Right.” Tony’s fingers run along the smooth metal of the foreign object. “Barton’s fine. His pride is bruised and he’s a little pissed that we have him in a bed with restraints. But he’s fine. Barnes was...well he was protecting me. In his own way.” The Ironman snorts out as he shakes his head. “Clint must've been dosed with some sort of mind altering or mind controlling drug… those darts Barnes pulled from his neck back in Antarctica. They were probably similar to this. Basically. There’s these nano sized computerized bacteria in here that could in theory control someone’s brain.”

“Oh my God.” Chrissy has to lean against the wall. “Bucky was shot with something similar by Rumlo.”

“Yeah. For some reason it didn’t affect him. Maybe they played around with his brain too much already. Dunno.” Tony sighs. “Right now we’re working on finding and removing all of the critters from Barton. After that, when Barnes wakes up. I want to run a blood test and a scan to make sure he doesn’t have anything in his system.”

“Alright. That might take some convincing. I’ll do my best.” Chrissy sighs.

“Let me know when he wakes up.”

* * *

Stark was right. Both Barnes and Barton had bugs in their system. However, only Barton was affected. Poor guy. Mind control used on that man once more. He’s not going to be happy when he wakes up.

After Bucky’s given the thumbs up of approval, he makes his way back to Chrissy’s room. “Hey.” Steve catches up to him in the hallway. “Ready to head back home?” 

The Soldier offers a grunt as a reply. “Yup.” Bucky opens the door nods in the woman’s direction and grabs her bag. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Steve sighs. “I...Buck…” He’s at a lost for words.

“No hard feelings. You did what you thought was right. So did I.” Bucky brushes past his friend. Chrissy’s by his side as they make their way towards the elevators. “But don’t think I’ll be paying you a visit here anytime soon.” 

Steve nods. “Yeah. I guess not. But Buck...Thanks. Tony…”

“Is important to them. I suggest you figure out why.” The elevator doors open, Chrissy and Bucky enter. The Captain places a hand on the door, keeping it open. Chris hasn’t spoken to Steve since Bucky’s release. He’s going to have to make it up to her somehow. “Take care of yourself and watch your back. You know where I’ll be.” Bucky can remember a time when he would have refused to leave his friend’s side. But the more he remembers and the more he begins to learn, sometimes being around Rogers is what might actually put the man in harm’s way. The elevator doors shut and Steve exhales, disappointed in the outcome of all that’s happened.

* * *

It’s been a few gloomy days. Both of them just going through the motions of the day. Routine. Deep in thought. Something needs to change. 

“Maybe this will help.” She motions for the the Soldier to follow her.

Chrissy pulls out a few photo albums and sits on the living room floor. Bucky takes a seat next to her and she starts slowly flipping through the pages. Pictures of him, Steve and they look recent. The Fall maybe? 

The woman at his side is telling him about the pictures in the pages, leaving out certain details when she sees him squint. He’s remembering a few things here and there and she’s letting him regain them on his own. When she flips to the next page, a large mess in the kitchen and baked goods scattered everywhere, he’s suddenly there in that time. The smells and laughter of that time all rushing back. 

_“You can help. Come on, it’s easy and it’ll be quick. Promise. Baking’s not that terrifying.”_

Flour, pies, and a large mess, that they made. He remembers this. Before she can turn the page, he points to the photo. His face covered in icing. “This one.”

“You remember this?” She sees him nod slowly, still deep in thought.

“You said that you needed help in the kitchen.” He laughs. The memory of her covered in flour, sitting on the floor, begins to replay in his mind. She was looking for some mixing bowls, and asked for a hand up. The Soldier remembers bending over to help her and how she got him in the mouth and face with a hand full of icing as she pulled him down. “You tricked me…” He snickers.

_“Pay back for the dock.”_ Her voice echoes in his mind. 

Then he remembers hearing her laugh as he wiped his face with his forearm, keeping her pinned to the floor as he did so. How she took the discarded towel and cleaned up the spots he missed, while biting her lip, trying to force down any more laughter.

“I did. You deserved it. Had that coming for a while.” She laughs. Her tongue darts out to moisten her lips, for some reason this catches his attention. The woman goes back to flipping through the book as he continues to stare at her. “What? Do you remember anything else?” Chrissy asks, excited to hear if he’s actually remembering anything recent.

Searching her face for any sign of fear or uncertainty, Bucky leans in close and gently presses his lips against hers. Everything about that brief moment is soft, sweet and wet, but realization settles in causing him to feel shame build in his gut. This feels amazing and right, but not familiar. Not at all. This is _not_ an avenue that they've explored much before and it suddenly becomes very evident and clear. 

Bucky pulls away, remaining only inches away from her face. Her breath hot on his lips. “I-I'm sorry…shouldn’t have done that. Sorry.” He ducks his head out of her view. Her eyes are wide with surprise but not disgust.

“N-no, it's alright. Apology accepted. That was... unexpected, but nice.” In a bit of shock, but never rude. She's trying not to offend him. Chrissy licks her lips, trying to figure out how that was brought on. 

The Soldier lifts his gaze to meet hers and asks a question he already knows the answer to. “We’ve never done that much... before. Have we?”

“No.” She chuckles, cheeks now colored with a light blush. “New Years. That was it.” She tries to hide a smile by biting down on her bottom lip.

But in the memory, he’d leaned in and kissed her. Right? Maybe that was only wishful thinking at the time, a regret his brain forced himself to go through with this time. Woops. 

“Really, it’s ok. Don't worry about it.” Another warm smile as she continues to flip the pages of the book. “Let's see if anything else in here jogs your memory.”

Now instilled with some sort of newly found bravery and boldness, he tilts her chin up gently and waits for her to object. When Chrissy doesn't refuse, he kisses her again, it starts off slowly but changes pace quickly. Maybe this is what he needs, affection to feel human again. To remember. She doesn't seem to mind. Quite the opposite. He pushes the album from her lap onto the floor. The kiss now feeling urgent.

Hands in his hair, she returns the kiss without hesitation and it’s wrong. She knows it. But it’s sweet, and sudden. And feels like it’s long overdue, and maybe he has a part of himself back. But it’s wrong. He would never take advantage of her. How could she do this to him?

A satisfied groan leaves his chest when she pulls him closer. Unwilling to let him go just yet. Selfish. Bitch. Especially now, with the knowledge that she’s making him happy, causing him to feel any emotion at all. A tiny spark of light in his always darkened world. This is wrong, but how can she take this moment away from him? What are you doing?

His hand is behind her head and the other wraps around her torso as he lowers them down to the floor. Chest heavy and heaving against her own as he places himself above her. Hand trailing her ribs down to her hip and thigh. Whoa. No. Their breathing speeds up when he pushes his tongue past her lips again to glide against her own. Becoming more at ease, Bucky settles against her. When the grip on her thigh tightens and pulls her closer, causing her innards to stir, Chrissy is forced to end this, pushing on his chest delicately. 

Woah. Enough. Too far. Look at what you’ve done. She presses her lips into a thin line. Already missing their contact. Cheeks hot, breaths long and deep.

“Bucky...I-I can't do this. Not to you. I'm sorry.” She can feel his teeth against her neck as he smiles and laughs lightly. “This is nice. Really nice...but it’s not right…” That came out wrong. She could never and would never do anything to hurt or use him. Even if this is something they are both enjoying, doesn’t make it right. He barely remembers her or their friendship. She can't risk his recovery for selfish ends. “Maybe...if circumstances were different...” Hands are still in his hair as her fingers push back a few stray locks. 

“You mean... if I remembered?” There’s something between them. To push this any further, it’d be unfair, to either of them. But it's there, even if he can't remember all of it. He can sense it, feel it, see it. Maybe he was in love with her, maybe he still is. Is it possible that she feels the same way?

“Yeah...I’m sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you.” Her voice and words hold no lies. She cares about him deeply, that’s the truth.

“You're apologizing for something I started? I'm a big boy. I get it, don't worry. And for what it's worth. Thanks.” The Soldier holds the side of her face gently, her hand coming up to rest on his own. Metal and flesh. That seems familiar. “Maybe I shouldn’t have...but I don’t regret it.” His thumb drags against her cheek and suddenly that urge to have her near once more is there.

That tight feeling in his chest, he knows what it is. Every time he looks at her. Is there a reason he never had the courage to try and pursue anything with her before? It's obvious that there's something there. Her eyes never lie. She's ashamed for letting it go as far as it did, he can see that. The woman drops her gaze, averting the look in his eyes. It's not hurt or anger he sees lingering there. Want. And if she keeps staring, she'll give in again.

He sighs and stands. “But it was nice?” He helps pull her up to her feet. Chewing at his bottom lip, awaiting her answer.

“Yes, it was very nice.” She admits, saving his pride. Cheeks flushing. “Just...wrong timing.”

He seems to think on this and nods, as if understanding her explanation. Satisfied with that answer and not insulted or hurt. “Will it be weird...to be around me now?” He scoffs. God if he’s done anything to hurt what they have, he’ll never forgive himself. Other than Steve, this is the only thing he can be certain is worth anything in his life.

“Never.” She reassures, squeezing his hand. A proud smirk on his lips. “You smug jerk.” She laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, need something else to read while waiting for my next chapter? Check out my friend’s work! Show her some love!! http://archiveofourown.org/works/4093003/chapters/9219343


	22. Chapter 22: Rabbit Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: NYC Comic con was amazing! I had an fantastic time with Amethystflame and I got to see a lot of the city. But it's nice to be back home. That's for sure.
> 
> Now I'm fairly certain that world mental awareness day was sometime this month. I think this chapter is fitting for that. It does have that sort of tone to it. There's different ways for people to be affected mentally. Depression. Anxiety. Self doubt. I could go on and on. This chapter deals with that on a basic level, but it's sweet as well. There's always someone willing to listen and lend their shoulder. And I hope that this helps brightens someone's day even just a little.
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone reading, leaving likes, kudos, bookmarking, faving and commenting on this. All of our little chit chats in pms and comments are always great and I appreciate everyone one of you, even those who just stop in to read ;)
> 
> As always, read, review and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr vamporchid. Tumblr and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind's eye when I'm writing this fic www. Canva design / DAB-5yBeJ9w /view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that's fun for you all to look at.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 22: Rabbit Hole **

Ok, it's weird.

Chrissy's doing her best to make sure things aren't strained between them. When he's near, she tries to remind herself not to move away or become distant. This is a double edge sword. Trying to keep things as they have always been, while trying to keep her thoughts and emotions at bay.

The more she tries to make everything feel normal, the more it feels forced.

Bucky's outside, he had insisted that he got the hang of the routine. Horses and any other farm duties he apparently liked doing before. All written down and recorded for him. Chrissy's baking again, and cleaning the kitchen. Thoughts continue to linger on their living room floor episode.

"This is ridiculous." She huffs out, irritated with herself.

Maybe if they do things they used to do together, her hormones and brain will tone it down a bit. Or will that make things more complicated? Well whatever she does, she better do it soon, because she's starting to be awkward around him and guaranteed he's noticed. Chrissy can tell by the way he looks a bit disappointed or the little bit of hurt in his eyes when she gives him the brush off. This is not like her at all. And she's starting to unintentionally push him away.

Chrissy decides that after dinner they'll either watch a movie together or sit by the fire like they always have. She promised that nothing would be weird, and she's determined to keep that promise. Just as she's finishing up with the dishes, she hears the front door open.

"You're getting the hang of it." She acknowledges him with a quick wink. Teasing, has always been something she's done with everyone. K, that's normal.

A side grin and a light chuckle. "Was there ever a doubt?" The Soldier grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and then leans against the wall.

Chrissy folds the dish towel and places it on the counter, giving herself a second to try and find the proper wording. "Do you have any plans for tonight?" When he shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head, she smiles. "Good. I was wondering if you'd like to sit by the fire, or watch a movie. It was something we always did to relax at the end of the day. It's a great way to unwind and just hang out."

Bucky straightens his posture, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Yeah, that sounds good." He seems a little hopeful now. Maybe he was more aware and bothered by her change in mood around him than she thought.

* * *

Oh Lord, she's drained and there's a small blizzard outside, so that means no fire. Oh well, plan B it is. Chrissy's staring at the popcorn as the kernels warm up and pop in the microwave. She dumps the contents into a bowl and yawns. Salt and butter, check. When she turns around to head into the living room, she bumps into Bucky and almost drops the snack. Letting out a small yelp of surprise as she catches the ceramic bowl.

"Sorry." He snickers. "Apparently I'm really good at being quiet. Don't mean to be sneaking up on you like that all the time. It's kind of a habit, that I don't remember picking up."

"You'd think I'd be used to it by now." His hands are supporting her elbows as he smiles down at her. She yawns again and heads for the sofa. "I got a blanket." She informs, knowing her track record for staying awake.

"Uh, alright." His brow is raised, not really sure what she's suggesting.

Chrissy tilts her head back, she keeps forgetting how much he doesn't remember. "I was joking with you. I don't exactly have the greatest reputation for staying awake long." She chuckles and pats the spot beside her.

"Oh." Bucky sits down. He's rigid and continuously rubbing his palms on his knees.

Chrissy spots this behaviour. Then it dawns on her. This is James Barnes. A man who's still kind of in a 1940s mind set. He's supposed to be a little more proper around a woman he cares for. "Alright. So if I'm making you uncomfortable, you have every right to tell me. This is kind of a learning curve for me as well. I'm used to you being at ease around me."

The Soldier clears his throat and nods. "Alright."

"Do you want me to move? I can sit somewhere else." He shakes his head and Chrissy smiles.

"How did we use to spend time together?" A nervous question. "To my understanding, by what I've read...well most of how we spent time together...would have been considered inappropriate by society standards back in my day." He chuckles lightly and shakes his head. Nerves. "Not that I would have or do mind."

Chrissy can feel a grin spreading, he's trying so hard to catch up with the times. This must feel odd for him. "Yeah I guess it would have been." She places the bowl onto the table. "Sweetie, really. I can move spots if you want." She laughs, unoffended. How does he go from being alright with their makeout session, to being all flustered with just sitting beside her. Maybe it's because of their behaviour the other day that he's all fidgety.

"No. No...what I was trying to get at…" A loud frustrated exhale is pushed from his lungs, and he laughs at his own awkwardness while rubbing the back of his neck. Can kill a moving target three hundred yards away, no problem. Try to express himself to a woman. Yeah...nope. "If it's alright with you...I'd like to...hang out with you, the way we used to." Hang out? Wow that felt weird leaving his lips. The Soldier is chewing his bottom lip and rubbing his prosthetic palm on his knee. Hopefully that makes sense to her. All he wants is to try and have some sort of semblance of what they had before. Friendship. Without her assuming he wants just one thing.

"Alright." Chrissy grabs the remote, presses play and then pulls her blanket over. "Just relax and get settled." He does. Once he seems more relaxed, she lifts his arm, wraps it around her shoulders and then leans into him. "I'll probably fall asleep." She warns amused. "If I do, just leave me here."

His heart is hammering in his chest, and she giggles at this. "Sweetie, breathe, it's ok." Right, so she can hear that. Noted. The Soldier takes in a deep breath and then lets it out. The exhale is so forced that it moves her hair. Chrissy wraps her arm around his side and rests her face against him.

"You ok?" She waits. She can feel the rumble in his chest when he clears his throat. They're both on edge and with good reason. They need to calm their nerves.

"Yup. Fine." A gruff reply, as his frame relaxes and sinks further into the sofa cushions. "Alright. What are we watching?"

"Oh Uhm...Steve suggested Apollo 13. Said it would be something that would interest you." Oh Lord she's already tired. "I've missed this." She admits and squeezes his ribs gently. "I know you don't remember everything about me much. And maybe this is...well strange for you. But I've really missed you. Thanks. This really means a great deal to me."

The arm around her shoulders flexes and presses her closer. His muscles are relaxing. Having her this near is calming, a bit scary, but nice all the same. And she does still in fact want him around, that's reassuring and actually lifts his spirits that much more.

Chrissy falls asleep against him, not even half way through the movie. Not a problem. The Soldier allows himself this quiet time to enjoy this moment. There's a flash and then a quick sharp pain near his temple. A few memories trying to resurface.

Bucky can hear the laughter of a little girl and Chrissy joining in. His mind's eye then shows him a quick glimpse. Chrissy lying against him, just like now. Then it switches to a conversation with Clint, the man grins and shakes his head.

And just like that it stops. When his back begins to hurt from the way he's sitting, Bucky stretches out on the couch slowly and Chrissy follows in her sleep.

Another memory, foggy but there. Chrissy curled up in bed, she's hurt. Rumlo. A light kiss on his lips as his core trembles.

Just like the few glimpses in his scattered memories, Chrissy rests against him peacefully. Yeah, he's not moving anytime soon. Part of him doesn't want to wake her, the other part is enjoying this. Another human being, just happy to be in his presence. Time passes and he doesn't even notice the credits rolling on the TV.

Fingers continue to drag through her hair or along the skin of her cheek and arm. Whatever this is, he's not willing to give it up, there's someone else on this planet that cares about his existence. When she settles against him further and breathes out contently, he's forced to smile. Bucky places a quick kiss on the top of her head. He shifts slightly to get comfortable and allows himself to fall asleep.

He's laying on his side when he wakes up. Bucky checks the clock on the wall, he's only been asleep for about two hours. Chrissy's still resting against him. He clears his throat and instantly feels a blush creeping up his neck. The woman adjusts her legs, one of her knees grazes the inside of his thigh. If anything before was considered inappropriate, what would this be categorized as?

Woah. He backs away quickly. "Chrissy." He rubs her back. The woman stirs a bit and presses the side of her face back into his shirt. A deep inhale as she takes in his scent.

"Is it morning?" She yawns. Her arm wraps around his waist, causing his heart to speed up slightly.

"Nope." He coughs when her knee slides up further. She's half asleep and isn't really paying attention, but his body notices these small shifts and movements right away. When she moves again, her shirt shifts and his fingers accidentally graze the skin by her hip. "Yeah I need to get up. And uhm move around. Should head to bed." He's one hundred percent sure that she gets his meaning and this causes him to feel even more embarrassed.

"Ok." She pouts, trying to cover the awkwardness with a bit of humor. "But I'm really comfy."

Why can't he seem to deny her anything? He sighs and settles his nerves. Breathe. He reminds himself. The woman laughs and hugs him tightly.

"I'm only joking. You can move if you want. Sorry it's in my nature to tease and joke around to break tension." Fingers smooth out the lines on his shirt.

"I...Uh...Hey, what tension?" He lifts an amused brow.

Chrissy laughs and pats his chest. "The obvious. You're completely not ok with our current…" Her eyes trail up their two forms, cheeks turn pink. "Sleeping arrangement."

"Didn't you say we've done this sort of thing before? And my notes describe similar situations." She nods. "And I'm pretty certain I remember sleeping in your bed the second night we spent back home. And another time after that."

"Yeah." She admits, but has to wonder, what exactly did he put in those journals? Couldn't have gone into great detail, because his face isn't showing any signs of emotion regarding this.

"So. Am I supposed to feel out of place?" He's trying to push her buttons, only it's not working.

"Well, no." She's laughing lightly.

Hand gripping her shoulder gently, Bucky clears his throat as he looks down at her. "Were we...involved? You know...before?" Alright, so he didn't write it down anywhere, but he's able to put the pieces together on his own.

Chrissy's index is making small circles on his shirt. She yawns, stalling, trying to think of a way to explain this to him. "I...maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now." She pushes herself up and grabs her blanket, intending to head to bed.

"Wait." He grasps her wrist and gets her to stay put. "You said you would have told me anything important…"

"It's not something relevant. How about we talk about this tomorrow after we've both had some rest."

"No." He says gently, but firmly. Why is she avoiding this topic? "We're gonna talk about it now. It's a yes or no question. Were we... yes or no?" Bucky grinds his teeth, he can feel anger building in his chest. Not with her. With himself. Did he really go through with all of this knowing the chances he'd forget everything?

"It's not that simple." Chrissy sighs. Alright, maybe this night was a bad idea. This is only a fragment of the man she knew before. What was she thinking? Spending time with him the way they used to, when he's not the same person anymore. Did she really think that would help?

"Then explain it to me, please. I'm trying to remember...I really am. I know we have this connection. Been trying to figure out why. It's not written anywhere." Bucky's fingers squeeze a little tighter. "I know that look in your eyes. And the other day…"

"Shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry." Chrissy stands up and heads for the kitchen. This is too much, and she's starting to feel a wave of emotions.

"Please don't do this. Don't hide something because you're trying to protect me. It's not fair. Not right. I deserve to know. I rely on you and Steve to fill in the gaps for me." Eyes plead with her retreating form. "I deserve to know." He repeats softly.

Stopping in her tracks, Chrissy sighs. He's right. "Fine." She sits down beside him again and rubs her hands over her face. "We care for eachother a great deal. And we were supposed to have a discussion about us after the procedure, if all went well." Chrissy stares down at her hands that continue to smooth out the material of her pants. "Whether that was going to start anything more serious between us or not...well...that's why this is not a discussion for now. We never got that far."

A tear escapes her eye and she wipes it away quickly. The memory of him walking away still raw. Bucky blinks a few times and then pulls her to him in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry." Obviously he felt that going through with Tony's experiment was worth the risk. Worth chancing anything they had. "Guess I felt it was important enough if I thought risking..." He can't finish, doesn't really know what to say or how to apologize for something he doesn't quite remember.

The woman grips his shirt and presses the side of her face against him. "I didn't want anything between us to interfere with your recovery. So I didn't say anything. We never started anything officially, so I didn't see it fit to try to get you to remember it. Either you'd remember or you wouldn't. And we'd go from there."

A long shaky exhale leaves him. "Shit." He's not the only one going through turmoil right now. He berates himself internally and continues to hold her close. "I know I'm not the exact same person...but I'm still me. The more things come back, the more things make sense. The more I understand and remember. And you feel important to me…"

She has an idea where this is going. It's the wrong time. Right? "Bucky, we should focus on your progress..."

"You know…" He can't help but interrupt her train of thought. "I've never once heard you say anything even remotely sounding close to selfish." She's focusing on her fingers, the ones playing with the buttons of his shirt. Bright blue eyes study her reaction. "If it's alright with you. I'd like to keep working on getting my memories, back. All of them, good with the bad. It's coming back, more and more every day. But at the same time, I'd like to work on us...whatever we had. Wherever it could have went."

"I don't know...maybe we shouldn't. You..." Would this really be proper? Sure he's slowly regaining his memories, but he's not entirely whole. But then again, he never really was when he first showed up here. And there's still the fact that he's a grown man that can make up his own mind. This is so confusing. What's right?

What if he never regains all of his memories? Of them? Should that matter? If you care for someone, shouldn't you fight for them regardless?

"Hear me out. I feel it." Metallic finger taps the center of his chest. "Can't fake that or forget it apparently. I'm not saying let's get hitched tomorrow." He snickers and the woman laughs softly. "All I'm saying is, let's spend more time together, like we used to. I don't know about you, but I would like to try and regain what we once had. Even though I don't remember exactly what that was. It's hard to explain. But I can feel it." He sighs heavily, aggravated that he's probably not explaining things properly. Fearful that he might sound a bit desperate. "Tell me how. I'll put my brain through whatever tests and exercises you want. Just...I want to be James Barnes and the man you knew. I want to be me, Bucky. I don't know this world anymore. You and Steve are the only things that make sense to me. But I need your help. And you can't do that by hiding things, even if you think it's helping."

"Alright." Chrissy sinks against him more. He's right. She was trying to protect him. But fibbing is never the answer. Maybe if she goes back to having the same demeanor around him as before, it'll help. Who knows. Strong arms hug her closely. "I can agree to that. But we're doing everything at a snail's pace."

With the largest smile that she's seen from him a long time, he leans back into to sofa and brings her with him. More at ease. More relaxed in his own skin. "Yeah. Alright. No that's...that's perfect." Why is he so overjoyed? Hopefulness? Something to strive for and look forward to?

When she curls up against him just enjoying his company, Bucky knows he was right from the start. Love. Her thumb runs over his collarbone and he rests the side of face against the top of her head. How he wants to seal this deal with a kiss, but he promised to work on this with her. Slowly. Stop being so selfish Barnes.

* * *

Although they've struck an agreement to work on both his mental health and their relationship. Bucky can still feel that deep dark pit of anger off and on. Depression? Pfff. That shit's for guys behind desks, pushing pencils and worrying about their taxes. Right?

These past few days, the shadow remnants of his darkest memories is what seems to be resurfacing the fastest, the most. That's not what you are. It's not even what you ever really were. That's their construct, their false reality. The only thing that seems to calm the Soldier and get him to focus on the present time is the set of dog tags hanging around his neck. A Christmas gift, that's what Chrissy had told him it was. He can't seem to bring himself to remove them, even when showering. It's his chain, his permanent life line to himself. To this life, this world, this time. A good man, he reminds himself. A good man.

The memories and dreams become too painful to relive, forcing him out of his bed until he's dry heaving in the bathroom late at night. Several nights in a row. He knows she can hear him, moving about the house. On more than one occasion Chrissy makes her way downstairs to find him sitting in the darkened living room. Clutching the chain around his neck, downing hard liquor.

This time is no different, he even managed to stock the wood stove before dropping down onto the sofa exhausted and weary.

With a quiet pause Chrissy takes a seat beside him, palm rubbing soothingly over his back. "I know this isn't really comforting right now, but it'll get easier." He doesn't respond, only continues to drink the amber colored liquid with a tight grimace. "Wanna talk about it?"

With a sniff, the Soldier shakes his head. "Nope." He clears his throat and brings the drink back up to his lips. Although he knows that she's aware of what kind of horrors lie in his past, she doesn't need to hear about them in great detail. No one does. Ever. Period. He keeps drinking.

"Alright." She drags her fingers through his hair and he leans into her touch. "Oh, sweetie. I know. You're tired." Bucky deposits the tumbler onto the coffee table, wraps his arms around her frame and rests his head on her shoulder.

Chewing at her bottom lip, knowing this probably isn't the best of ideas right now, she offers the only thing that she knows has worked for him in the past. "Why don't you come sleep in my room. It's helped before. Never know, might help now."

Arms tighten their hold on her as he lets out a long breath. "You sure that's a good idea?" He's thinking the exact same thing. It's not an offer to fool around, he knows that, but with the way things are right now. Admissions and what not. Maybe that sort of comfort can't be the same as what it once was. Well, at least not yet.

"Hey. Look at me. Nothing's changed. I'm not going to start denying you something that used to work just because…" Chrissy begins to stand up. "Come on. Let's go. You need sleep. And it works."

Thinking on this, looking at her outstretched hand, he downs the rest of his whiskey and nods. "K." Metal hand is placed in hers and he follows her upstairs.

Jake hasn't moved from his spot by the bed and is wagging his tail happily when they pass by him. "Night bud." Bucky pats the retriever on the head and watches nervously as Chrissy climbs under the covers.

"Stop stalling." Jeez she really does know him. "Sun's coming in a few hours and I want you to get some rest. Come on." She pulls the covers aside and waits.

The Soldier lies down and allows the woman to cover him with the comforter. "Thanks." Metallic hand squeezes her wrist carefully. When she nods and then starts to pull away, he yanks her down to him in a playful manner. With a surprised giggle, she rests her head on his shoulder and settles beside him.

"You could have just asked." She yawns and pushes back her hair. "Now, sleep. Shut your eyes and at least try."

So he does. And he sleeps deeply. A good four hours. Doesn't seem like much, but to Bucky it's the best he's gotten in awhile. It'll do for now. Not gonna make this a habit. Not when there's this much at stake. Time and patience. Specially with her. Worth it.

But the dull ache of guilt and shame is still there. And it's getting harder for him to deal with. Well, he'll figure it out, right? How did you cope back during the war? Drinking seemed to have been his thing. Hmm. Yeah, maybe that's not the best of ideas. Whatever, it'll have to do for now. Or at least till he figures out some other coping mechanism.

* * *

"Tell me nothing like this has ever happened." Bucky refers to the tv show that's playing. Chrissy has been sitting by his side, filling out paperwork and sending Tony files for most of the evening. When she glances at the tv she squints and rubs her eyes.

"What are you watching?" She picks up the remote and pauses the show. Stranger Things. "Oh jeez. Yeah, nothing like that has happened. Well as far as I know." She snickers and pushes play. When Chrissy leans back, she notices just how much alcohol Bucky has consumed. She lifts a brow but doesn't say anything.

"Ok. Thought the fact that I was asking was a bit...weird. But well… considering this." He lifts his left arm and chuckles lightly. "Aliens. Flying robots, Gods. Yup." The Soldier takes another drink. "I'm not entirely bonkers."

Chrissy lets out a tired breath and gently takes the glass from his hand. Obviously, he's going through a different stage. Maybe some type of denial or acceptance. The way he's handling, not the greatest. "Alright. I know. It's a lot to take in. Well it's more than a lot. But this won't help anything." She grabs the bottle of whiskey and brings the items to the kitchen.

"It takes a lot for me to get drunk now. Well it used to take quite a bit. Now I just need to put more effort behind it." He snickers and bumps into the wall as he follows her. Bucky looks at his shoulder and then the wall as if it magically appeared out of thin air.

Annoyed, Chrissy dumps his drink down the sink and places the bottle back in the cupboard with the others. "Uh huh…" She crosses her arms. "So what? Now you're going to drink yourself to death?"

"Nope, just to sleep." He grins and rolls his eyes when he sees the stern look she sends his way. It's better then revisiting those places in his mind late at night. Alcohol and sleeping in her bed are the two things that seem to quiet his demons. And right now, he thinks it's best if he sticks to drinking. He remembers being able to hold his liquor quite well. Bucky also remembers that he wasn't exactly a stranger to the ladies. Yup, drinking it is. "Listen here young lady." He points a finger at her and smirks. "This old man will do what he wants."

"Not in my house." She's serious. Hands gripping the counter, she's trying not to lose her patience. She never was a fan of using alcohol as an escape or excuse.

"Alright." He makes his way over to her, breath heavy with booze and heat as he stares down at her. "Don't wait up for me." He winks, kisses her forehead, grabs two bottles and heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" She asks exasperated, although she knows exactly where he's heading.

"I'll be fine." A bit of snow blows into the home as he shuts the door and leaves on foot, Jake by his side.

Chrissy rubs her face and exhales loudly. Great.

* * *

It's late when he gets in. Bucky had been drinking at the sight of the other property almost all night. He's feeling pretty good if he's being honest with himself. As quietly as he can, while being a bit intoxicated, the Soldier opens the door and lets Jake in. Bucky follows not too far behind and almost lands on his knees when the door opens all the way a little too quickly.

"Shhhh." He hushes no one in particular. With a bit of effort he removes his boots and coat. Then he notices Chrissy fast asleep on the couch. Book folded over her lap, a small blanket around her form. She waited for him, as long as she could. Ass. Jake wines low and Bucky sighs. "Yeah, yeah."

Carefully he picks her up and carries her upstairs. All without tripping or making a sound. Yay for small victories. Her room, it's too far away and the hallway seems to be moving. It feels like he's on a really unsteady boat. He decides to quietly enter his room and place her on his bed. Alright, that's done. His eyes study the room. Yup he's drunk. He hiccups and then crawls into bed beside her.

"Bucky?" She yawns. "Are we in your room?"

"Shhh." He chuckles. "Don't move too much. The bed dips and it feels like I'm on some crazy ride."

"Oh jeez. Are you drunk?" This is a first. And honestly, a bit worrisome, for him to be this far gone means he most likely drank more than anyone should.

"Think so." He coughs. Another laugh. "Quite a bit more than I thought actually. That's neat, considering I didn't think that I could get that drank. Drunk. Ugh. Steve can't. Pfff that's no fun. Jackass." Again he laughs. His arm snakes around her waist and his thumb hooks into the belt loop of her jeans. Alright. Sergeant Barnes went from a bit shy around her to a little too comfortable. Not that it's a problem, it's just a bit strange. "Just gonna rest a minute and then shower. Maybe throw up after. Before. During." Another chuckle as he lets out a long puff of breath.

"Ok..." Jesus how much did he drink? Chrissy pushes his hair back as he lies his head against her abdomen. "Are you alright?"

"Just a bit drunk Chris. No big deal." He laughs. Chris? Since when does he call her that?

"It's just not like you to drown your problems and thoughts with alcohol."

Bucky sits up and looks at her. "It's exactly what I used to do. The me you're talking about...well yeah I don't know about him." He huffs. "But this Bucky, drinks. Lots." He puffs out a few quick breaths, cheeks filling with air as he places a hand on his stomach.

Wow, he better not get sick right here. He's right though. She doesn't know everything about this man before her. This man that is removing his shirt.

"It's hot in here." He tosses the shirt aside and lies back down with another long exhale.

"Only because you've been drinking." She sighs. "Don't you dare strip down to your skin." She warns.

"You smell nice." A deep inhale through his nose. "Bet I smell like I need a shower." He smiles against her shirt.

"You're not wrong." Chrissy grins, fingers trailing against his hot scalp.

"Wanna shower with me?" He pushes himself up onto his elbows and hovers above her. "Could be fun." He lifts a suggestive brow.

"And that's my queue to leave." She begins to sit up, but he doesn't budge. "You go ahead and shower…" Chrissy pushes on his chest. "You're tired and surprisingly, fairly drunk."

Bucky still has yet to move. He's too transfixed on the details of her face. "So if I never remember everything...this is all we will be?" He asks, the hurt in his voice clearly evident. Guess he's blunt and a little too honest when he's been drinking far too much. "Close calls and...just friends? Will this, us, ever go any further if things for me...inside my head don't change?" His voice cracks and he's forced to look away.

She doesn't want to answer. What's the right answer to any of this? Especially right now. Anything she says could be taken the wrong way.

"Let me know. I'm alright with either or...but there's something here. I'd never force myself or this on you...but…just tell me what to do. I'm just so confused. And I just want..." He sighs.

"We've already talked about this. You're just having a hard time dealing with the horrible things you've done and went through." His head dips. She's right. "I should go. You're not yourself. Don't want you to do or say anything you might regret. Get some sleep." She removes herself from his embrace and slides off of the bed. "We'll talk when you're sober."

Tomorrow she's either hiding or pouring all of the alcohol down the drain.

* * *

Chrissy's the first one up. Guaranteed he's either feeling hungover, or at the very least, embarrassed. Well, it'll be a while before she restocks the booze in this house. Sorry Tony, sorry Clint, she pours the bottles of liquor down the drain. Bucky's still asleep when she heads out to take care of the animals. There's no way in hell he'll want to do any of that this morning.

While she's brushing down the last horse, she can hear an engine start. With a sigh she hopes that he at least took the time to fill his stomach with something. Chrissy leaves a few carrots and apples behind for her furry friends and heads back into the house. Front yard was quiet, so is the inside of the home.

"You hungry?" She calls out assuming he's upstairs. No answer, maybe he's ignoring her. Probably feels guilty for his behavior. Chrissy heads into the kitchen and washes her hands.

Gone to town. Is written on the notepad that's been left on the kitchen counter. Chrissy sighs. He must have taken the bike because her Chev is still in the front yard. That's the engine he started. Great. It's the middle of winter and he's driving that ancient bike around.

He's letting off some steam. Clearing his head. Right? Except the entire day passes with no word from him. It's late evening when she caves and calls his phone. Nothing. Voicemail was never a thing that was set up. She deposits the cordless phone onto the table with force. God, what if he took off. She'd never forgive herself. Chrissy heads upstairs and checks his room, the handgun under his desk is still there and his backpack is still hanging behind the door in the closet. Alright, so he really is in town to clear his mind of sorts.

Chrissy sighs. No booze in the house. Soldier. The bar. She rolls her eyes and quickly heads downstairs.

It's almost midnight when she makes it to the local pub. Chrissy parks the truck and right away she spots his bike. Yup, only he'd be that crazy to drive that thing at this time of year. She enters the bar and recognizes a few of the patrons as she walks past them. They say hello and she nods in their direction. Relief seeps through her when she spots him finally. Bucky's sitting at a corner table with a bottle of whiskey and a woman on his lap. Although he doesn't seem all that interested in the girl who's gripping his shoulder and smiling brightly, curious. He seems distant as he stares down at the drink in his right hand.

Yup this just got awkward. Chrissy exhales and looks to the ceiling. Why me? She's happy that he's alright, but kind of hurt to see this. Whatever brush it off girl, this isn't exactly your man now is he? Your fault by the way. There's a high pitched female laugh that has Chrissy's stomach twist into knots.

She approaches the bar and taps the counter with her fingers. "He got a tab running?" She asks Dolly the owner, as she gestures towards the corner table. The old woman nods.

"Yeah. Man sure can drink. He yours?"

Chrissy nods. "Yeah. Sort of. Here I'll cover his bill." She exhales and hands the other woman her credit card.

"And about the girl. She's been after him the entire time. Man is too polite to push her away. He started his night here at the barside. Made it clear that he wanted to be alone. Bimbo can't take a hint." Dolly continues to wipe down the counter top. "Just don't want to see the young man get scolded for something he didn't do."

Chrissy leaves a twenty on the counter as a tip. "Yeah that sounds like him. I'll take care of it. I should probably get him home." Chrissy pockets her hands and heads over to the table. Bucky is too busy staring at the glass in his hand and ignoring the woman sitting on him to even notice his friend approach.

"Hey." Chrissy clears her throat.

Blue eyes widen as large as they can possibly go. Deer in headlights. That's the look he's giving her at this very moment. He looks completely mortified and relieved all at once. And the woman, Chrissy recognizes her. The woman from the hardware store. Wow she's forward.

The Soldier stares in Chrissy's direction, blinks and then looks at the other woman. "I didn't...she just...I would never." Bucky sighs and glances at both of his hands that are on the table. They've been there on that surface the entire time. Or around the glass. That's it. "I wouldn't…haven't touched her." To his relief, Chrissy nods understanding his point. Unwanted attention and physical contact.

"Is this the girl you mentioned?" The woman's arms wrap around his shoulders. "Looks kind of boring." She brushes her nose against his cheek. "Seen her around lots. I know for a fact that she's not exactly any fun." She snickers. "Probably why you're here to begin with."

He's clearly uncomfortable and Chrissy knows he's not one to know how to inform people of that sort of thing. Or what to do about it for that matter.

"Yeah. Alright." Chrissy's tired and frankly, really annoyed. "I'm here to bring you home. Ready?" She's trying not to cause a scene and trying her best to remain polite.

Bucky nods and pushes the drink aside. Silently thanking any God that will listen, for this woman that has the patience of a Saint. He doesn't deserve her. He knows it. Doesn't understand what exactly it is she sees in him, but doesn't question it. He grips the side of table and pushes his chair back.

"What? James you don't need to go anywhere. Aren't we having a good time?" The woman's hand slides down his side towards his hip. Yup, he's had enough. His right hand grasps her wrist forcing her to stop.

"Don't." A shaky voice as he pulls her hand back up. Eyes full of dismay and disgust. He's terrified but not in the conventional way. And he can't bring himself to face either of the two women.

"Come on. I got a bottle at home. Can show you a good time." She smiles brightly and snaps her gum as if it's full of wonderful promises.

"No thanks." He tries to stand and she pushes down on his shoulders roughly. He has the look of a child cornered and frightened. Confused and at a lost as to what he should do. Did he do something wrong? Why won't she let him leave? He doesn't know what to do, but he wants to leave. Now. Shoulders drop with defeat. He can't shove her away. Words didn't work. He stares blankly at his own lap.

"Are you serious right now? Because…"

Alright, Chrissy's pissed. The man said no. And he's someone who has suffered enough from people that never knew the meaning of the word. Victim. The look in his eyes, pleading some unknown force to help him out of this situation is what causes Chris to snap.

"Off now." Forcefully she grips the woman by her arm and pulls it up towards her shoulder blades. "He told you nicely more than a few times. Luckily for you he's a gentleman. I on the other hand, am loosing my patience." The other woman yelps in pain as Chrissy forces her aside. "Don't even think about doing something stupid, because you'll regret it." She warns as she places herself in front of Bucky and then lets the woman go. "I'll give you a broken nose to go with your shit attitude if you don't clear out."

Angered, Chrissy watches as the woman rubs her shoulder, spits on the floor and then walks away.

"Ready?"

"What?" Does she still really want him to come back? Even after...this?

"I'm tired. Let's get out of here." Chrissy stretches her hand out and Bucky grasps it. "Alright. Let's load that bike of yours into the truck and go home." He's embarrassed, but he nods and squeezes her hand a little tighter.

Once they get home, Bucky takes off his boots and allows himself to slump into the sofa. "Sorry." He covers his eyes with his forearm. Ass. "Didn't mean to worry you ...or for any of that other stuff." A loud exhale, frustrated with himself. God damnit he's such an idiot.

"It's ok." Chrissy pats his knee as she sits down beside him. "Sorry if I interrupted anything." She's not blind or dumb. The man is easy on the eyes, and she's certain he might know that to some degree. And it's not like he belongs to her. He can do what he pleases.

Bucky sits up quickly and presses his lips against her temple. "You're joking right? You know why I didn't ...why I wouldn't. I'd never hurt you like that." He tilts her chin up with his index and thumb. "We...we're not there, not yet. And I know I don't remember everything. But I know I care for you. And that you care for me. So I would never..."

"I know. I'm just teasing I guess. Was still a little...well bothersome to see. You know?" She lets out a small breath. Bucky nods sadly, upset with himself.

The Soldier sighs, frustrated with himself. "I know. I'm sorry. But I'd never do something that I know would hurt you...not out of spite, not out of anger. Never on purpose." Bucky leans back into the sofa completely exhausted. "I didn't physically push her away…I didn't want to accidentally hurt her. Told her that I wasn't interested. Don't think she understood..."

"Trust me she understood. She just didn't care." Suddenly she's angry. Not with Bucky, but with that girl. You always hear of women getting hit on and men not knowing when no means no. And then there's times like this. These are the moments that no one talks about. When men have been subjected to the same treatment. Suck it up big boy and don't talk about it? Why? Tough as nails and skin thicker then hide? Who the hell came up with this shit? Be a man. What the hell does that even mean?

And Bucky, he's far too worried about hurting someone physically or being noticed that he just let something like that slide. He has spent far too much of his life having people abuse and violate him, that he has become desensitized to it all. Even though he has very little memory as himself as the Winter Soldier.

"Sweetie. You know what she was doing wasn't ok...right?" She sees him cock a brow in her direction. Confusion. "What I'm trying to get at is, you said no and she was still...well touching and bothering you. That's not ok."

The Soldier shrugs his shoulders. He's not getting her point. He wasn't hurt physically what's the issue?

Chrissy thinks for a moment. "Ok let me give you an example. Let's say the situation was reversed. And you saw some guy not letting me leave when I clearly wanted to. Even after I have told him no several times or that I'm not interested, he continues to block and touch me."

"I'd kill him." Bucky says seriously without missing a beat and she can see that this topic is starting to make him angry. The Soldier sits forward and regards her with gritted teeth, as if there really is such a man in their house at this very second. Chrissy kisses his cheek and tries to hide her smile.

"I know." She snickers. "But listen, don't get all worked up. I'm trying to prove a point here. See, it's not ok if someone were to do that to me. Why would it be alright if someone does that to you?"

"I don't know…" He rubs his chin and ponders this. "You're a woman. Men are supposed to show restraint and behave with respect."

"That's...Alright. Yes I am. But you also know that I can take care of myself. So what other reason can you think of."

"Invasion of personal space. If someone wants to be touched they'll agree to the situation. A person has the right to refuse…" Bucky's eyes widen.

"That's right. You're a person. Just like me. These rules apply to you as well." She can see that for the first time in a long time that he's understanding something that was taken away long ago. His right to say no. His human rights.

He nods. "Thanks." Bucky pulls her close. "But seriously, any guy ever tries that with you. I'll kill him. Snap his bones like twigs and have a drink over his corpse." A deep laugh against her hair as he snaps his fingers before her eyes. "It'd be easy." He sways to the side slowly, happy, comfortable.

"Oh sweetie I don't doubt that." Chrissy smirks. "And if that bitch ever comes near you again, I won't be as pleasant."

Bucky's laughing hard. His gal has a jealous streak and a bit of a dark sense of humor. "That's not very nice."

That's right. His gal. A tight smile just can't seem to leave his lips.

They might not be in a typical relationship, but Bucky's certain that if things were different they probably would be. This isn't a topic to dwell on right now. If he's ever going to be more involved with her in that fashion, he has to be stable, healthy. He has to want these things for himself first, before he can ever offer himself to her fully. In order for him to be any of those things, he really should focus on himself for a bit. Regardless, he's come to the conclusion that Chrissy's in every sense of the meaning, his gal. She's not venturing off anywhere and neither is he. That on it's own is comforting and puts him at ease.

Alright Barnes. Time to get your shit together.

* * *

It's the end of February and Steve's visiting again, been here for at least a week. Finally back from some damned mission. Says he wants to be here for Bucky's 100th. Jesus fucking Christ he's old. Bucky sighs. He certainly feels like an old timer, still trying to remember things, getting flashbacks of wars, every day more and more fog in his brain starts to lift. Memories, recent and old. The Soldier runs a hand over his face as he looks over the field and smiles when his thoughts drift to that damned kiss again. It's been a few weeks, but he can't stop thinking about it. When he hears Chrissy's laughter from the house, he's forced out of his day dream.

Dallas runs across the field and heads back towards the barn. Right horses, time to get them settled for the night. Routine. After the animals are settled and fed, he walks up to an empty stall. Something begins to resurface, a horse he really didn't like, that's all he can remember. Then there's a sudden surge of pain in his frontal lobe. He drops to his knees, grips his hair and starts to remember. Sporadic memories rush in. He tries to call out to Steve, but only ends up grinding his teeth together.

_Ceasar. That fucking horse. Dead._

_Heart pounding as he races the Chev through the tall grass. Chrissy lying still in the fields. Oh God. Open your eyes for me._

_A small kitten in the rain, cold and shaking._

_Lying on the couch, Chrissy sleeping against him. Please let me keep this one._

He hears Steve and Chrissy laugh up at the house, this seems to trigger something else. A floodgate of pain as he shouts at the top of his lungs. Hand grips a pole as he struggles to get to his feet.

_Till the end of the line. Dragging Steve out from a river._

_Chrissy's laughter as they fall off the dock into the cold water of the lake. Jake barking._

_A mission. Kids. Blood and gore dripping from his outstretched hand. Chrissy looking up at him as she washes his face clean._

_Arianna and Wanda setting up a makeshift tent in his room._

_Clint passing him a beer as they talk near the firepit._

Knees shaking, Bucky tries to stand, fails and drops to his knees once more. Clutching his hair, he grunts out in pain. He's sweating and it feels like he's going to blackout soon.

_Logan. Oh no. His wife and unborn child dead. My fault. Monster._

_Steve dragging him from the shower._

_Chrissy lying in his arms late at night as she cries herself to sleep. I got you._

_Happy New Year. A deep kiss._

_The look on Chrissy's face as he says goodbye and walks away from her. You'll be here when I wake up right?_

Every memory since Washington, coming back, so fast, he can barely breathe. He's going to pass out, that's a guarantee.

Strong hands are helping him to his feet. "Buck!" His prosthetic arm is draped over Cap's shoulder as he's helped back into the home. His world goes black.


	23. Chapter 23 : Candlelight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ok. So I thought after all the torture I’ve put you all threw, that I owed you all some fluff. So here it is. ;)
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone reading, leaving likes, kudos, bookmarking, faving and commenting on this. All of our little chit chats in pms and comments are always great and I appreciate everyone one of you, even those who just stop in to read ;)
> 
> As always, read, review and enjoy!
> 
> Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http:// vamporchid. Tumblr. com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www. Canva .com /design / DAB-5yBeJ9w /view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at. (Remove the spaces from the links)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.

** Chapter 23 : Candlelight **

 

Groggy, his eyes open. Vision is blurry, it’s dark, but feels and smells familiar, must be in his room. Chrissy’s sitting beside him on the bed reading a book, Steve’s sleeping in the sofa chair. Head pounding, Bucky tries to swallow, tries to move, tries to sit up, that doesn’t work out so well. Feeling the man stir, Chrissy adjusts her posture. 

“Hey.” She whispers, migraines are no stranger to this woman. With calculated and slow movements, she offers him a glass of water. “Take it easy. Drink, then rest.”

The Soldier takes the offered drink and sips at it a few times. Wow does it ever hurt to swallow liquids right now. How long was he out? “I remember…” He’s barely able to talk, his throat is so dry, but this is something he needs her know. He hands over the glass of water with a cough. “Even more then before I went under, more of my time during the Winter Soldier program...and you...I remember you.” He smiles sadly and then looks at the Captain. “Steve...” Another smile, one that he hopes conveys the amount of things he actually remembers. Bucky pulls the woman down. “I forgot you...I’m sorry. But it came back, bit by bit.”

“Shhh. Sleep.” Patient as always. Chrissy sees Steve looking back at her, a small tight smile on his lips. “Lie down. We’re not going anywhere.” She brings the sheets up to his chest and tries to calm him.

“I forgot you…” He repeats sadly. “But I remember...thank-you.” He whispers as he tries to relax.

“Bucky, lie down. Sleep. I’m not going anywhere. Steve already contacted Tony. He said you need lots of rest. He’ll be here in a week to check in on you.” The Soldier does as she requests and lies back down. Fingers wrap around her own, making certain to keep her within arm’s reach. “We'll go over everything tomorrow.”

“Stay.” He shuts his eyes, knowing he's going to blackout soon. “Please…”

Chrissy lies down beside him and runs the back of her fingers along the side of his face. “Not going anywhere.” A quick peck on his jaw before she settles for the night. 

“I'll stay for a bit.” The Captain whispers in reassurance. She knows that Steve just wants to make sure that the Winter Soldier part of his friend remains dormant.

When his two friends are fast asleep, the Captain covers Chrissy’s frame with a light blanket and leaves the room. Taking a moment to himself in the hallway, Rogers leans his back against the wall, rubs his brow and lets out a few deep breaths. That sinking feeling that they’re probably not out of the woods yet seeps its way into his gut.

* * *

A frozen metal door. Why is he in here? As he stares out the small port hole of a window it fogs over and freezes. He’s next, he just knows he is. However, uncertain as to how he knows this. That sinking feeling in his stomach is telling him this is something he’s been through before. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of the small window. Long hair, facial scruff. What the hell? How long has he been here with these people. Chills run up his spine as a mist of hot breath leaves him, it turns white in the chill of this, prison, this cell, his hell. With terror his sights land on his left hand that’s pressed up against the wall. Is that, metal?

He's stirring and thrashing in his sleep. Chrissy’s been standing in his door way for a good half hour, because staying in his bed probably isn’t a good idea right now. Debating on whether to wake him or not, Chrissy crosses her arms and waits a few more minutes. When his chest heaves up and he grunts out in pain. That's when she's had enough. 

Cautiously she makes her way to his bed. He's James, but yet at the same time he's also the Winter Soldier. That combination forms the man she’s come to know and love dearly. And he’s obviously in some sort of distress. “Bucky.” She says gently and places her hand on his arm. “Sweetie. Wake up.” 

Startled, the man's eyes snap open. He sits up and backs away from her. His eyes search the room. He's confused. This place is familiar. Is that a good thing? He’s cold. Why? The blankets and bedding are warm. Eyes dart from one end of the room to the other.

“You were having a nightmare.” She explains but doesn't move. “I just wanted to wake you...you were shouting and…” He backs away until he’s off the bed and scrambling to his feet. His eyes never leave her face. His back connects with the wall violently. “Sweetie it's ok.” She says softly. What’s gotten into him? Oh no, does he not recognize her?

Chrissy makes her way around the bed to him very carefully. The Soldier slides away from her, back remaining against the wall until he corners himself. He looks wild, frightened and he’s visibly shaking. Then she realizes something. This is not the remnants of a dream that has him acting in this manner. He's terrified, of her. 

She takes another step closer and he sinks to the floor with what she can only describe as a whimper. Bottom lip trembling, Bucky tilts his face away but continues to stare at her form the corner of his eyes. This behavior, she's seen it before. When children she took care of would cower away from her. The ones that had been abused, mistreated, malnourished and experimented on.

“I'm not going to hurt you.” She says gently, voice ready to crack with emotion, and kneels down in front of him. Hands folded over her knees as she studies his behaviour. “You might not remember me...but that's alright. We are friends.” 

A gentle hand is placed on his arm, the Soldier shuts his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Not with content but with fear. He's still trembling. This is Sergeant James Barnes. The side of him that was constantly tortured and experimented on. The one that was captured, prisoner of war. Of course he's terrified. How many times had they presented a friendly face before him to gain his cooperation, only to betray him with pain and humiliation. 

She can hear him mumbling something. His name and rank? “Oh sweetie. I'm sorry. I know…” She whispers. “They're gone. I promise.” A tear falls down the side of her face. Maybe she should fetch Steve. Maybe she should call Sam.

The Soldier continues to clamp his eyes shut and his breathing speeds up. What should she do? 

“I won't hurt you.” Chrissy takes a seat beside him and pushes his sweaty bangs from his face. He seems as though he's trying to push the back of his skull into the wall. Anything to avoid her touch. She starts to hum gently and just remains by his side. 

His chest heaves up and down continuously. She's bound to stick him with something sharp, he's sure of it. And if he retaliates, they’ll discipline him. As Chrissy continues to sit with him, humming a song he doesn't recognize, the Soldier finally starts to relax. 

“Do you want to get back in bed?” She asks. He doesn't answer. “Can I touch you now?” 

“Why…” He gulps back. “Why aren't you…” He can't finish. Wasn’t he injured? Or wait, his last memory. He was being frozen right? Didn’t he have surgery? Why does trying to figure out what’s going on hurt his head so badly? The Soldier grips the hair at the side of his head, the side that’s pounding the most.

“Bucky. You've been living here, in my house for months. This is your home as well. This is your bedroom. You recently went through a procedure to help deactivate any hold that Hydra still had over you. Some side effects are that you might get confused and disorientated for the next few weeks.” She sighs knowing how exhausted he must be. “Come on, I'll help you get back into bed.”

“No.” He whispers.

“Alright. Want me to stay here with you?”

“I...I don't know. I'm scared and that feels like something I don't ever feel or admit.” He lets out a shaky breath as he taps the back of his head against the wall.

“Steve is next door. Want me to go get him?” 

The Soldier turns his head at the mention of his friend’s name. “Steve...he’s...he’s here?”

“Yes. In his room across the hall.” The man before her bites down on his lower lip. Guess that information is a bit comforting. “Can I touch you now?” Chrissy looks over at him. She wants to demonstrate her intent. “You can say no. That's ok.”

“I…” He sniffs. She’s asking permission. That’s a change. “I…”

“I don't want to cause you any pain and you don't want to hurt me.” Chrissy shuffles a bit closer. “We're friends. And we take care of each other.” 

Something about that resonates through him. He glances at the small woman by his side and nods. Slowly and gently she places her warm palm on the side of his face. He has to hold back a sob because he was half expecting her to trick him. Human contact, skin against his own. Her thumb runs along his cheek and wipes away the tear that leaves his eye.

As a shudder passes through him, Chrissy smiles. “I know that was hard for you to agree to. But it's alright. You're ok.” His eyes open and she's still smiling at him. “Ready to get back in bed?”

He nods and grips her wrist. “Where are you going?” He's almost frantic when he sees her stand up. So far it seems like this woman is guarding him from harm. Maybe she has some control over what happens to him. In that case, it’s probably best to keep her near.

“If you want me to stay here with you, I can. Is that what you want?” She sees him mull this over and then nod. “Alright. Come on.” She stands and waits for him to climb back into the bed.

“Can you…” He clears his throat. “I don't know the song but it was...nice.”

“Alright” She agrees. Sitting beside him, Chrissy gets comfortable. “Is it alright if I touch you again?” He’s curled up on his side, but she can see his form tense up. “Is just want to run my fingers through your hair. It always calmed you in the past.”

“I...Uhm...ok.” The poor soul is shaking again when she first touches him. But as time ticks by and she continues to sooth him by humming and dragging her fingers through his hair, he begins to relax. He hears her yawn a few times and then soon she's sleeping, sitting up awkwardly against the headboard. Bucky takes this moment to sit up and study her features. She doesn't seem like a threat. He sighs. Carefully he climbs out of bed and then lifts her tiny form into his arms, maybe it’s best if she stays in her own room. She should have one near by. When she wraps her arms around his neck and settles against him, that's when his brain decides to kick in and remind him of who he is again. He almost drops her down to the floor.

Deciding to just leave her in his room, Bucky tucks her under the bedding and takes a seat. Flustered and embarrassed he pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to push back the pain of the migraine. 

“Sweetie?” Chrissy covers another yawn.

“Sorry about all that.” He exhales sadly. Right away she can tell that he’s himself again. But the back and forth in his personalities, in his character and memory must be draining.

“No worries. Come here. Migraine?” She pats the spot beside her.

“Yeah something like that.” He wraps an arm around her frame. Her hands are massaging the tense muscles in his neck. “I’m sorry….I just. It’s.” He doesn’t even know what he’s trying to explain. “Stark said it’s temporary...right?”

“Yes.” Chrissy covers another yawn with the back of her hand. 

“Sleep. You’ve barely gotten any rest.” He hugs her tighter and stiffens when she places a kiss on his chin.

* * *

Sitting out by the fire pit, flames roaring and keeping him warm, Bucky stares at the lake. It should start to get warmer soon, the lake should start to thaw by the end of the month. Good, he hates the cold. Doesn’t really mind snow, but the freezing winds he could do without.

“How's your head?” Chrissy carefully makes her way to him in through the small path in the snow from the house to the pit. It's getting dark and eerily quiet, the only noise being that of the cracks and pops of the fire.

“Better than it was.” Bucky quickly heads over to her. The crazy woman is carrying a large blanket and a couple cups of coffee. “Here...let me help.” She hands him the coffee and they settle together by the fire.

“This is nice. Been awhile since we did this.” She leans against his shoulder, content.

As she looks over the fading light of the sun, a memory from a few weeks back resurfaces in the Soldier’s mind. How he had kissed her, how she had kissed him back. Shaking himself from the daze, he places the coffee on the ground and clears his throat.

“It has, hasn’t it.” So much for silent awkwardness. Should he say anything, apologize maybe? But for what? If he remembers correctly, she didn’t exactly find the act cringe worthy. She doesn’t seemed too bothered with being close to him now or even after, as far as he can remember. Besides, didn’t they come to some sort of agreement? Yes. That’s right. He remembers. A small warm smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. Suddenly, even he realizes that he’s far too quiet, even a little too deep in thought.

“You ok?” The woman’s concerned, with everything that’s happened lately, who could blame her. Chrissy shifts to get a better look at him. Placing her palm on his forehead to make sure he doesn’t have a fever.

“I’m fine.” He snickers and grasps her wrist gently. “Just...you know. It’s all been...it’s a lot.” 

Satisfied with this answer, Chrissy relaxes. “Yeah, that’s understandable.” Her attention back on the lake and the fire, she can still feel his gaze upon her. “What?” She asks amused.

Avoiding eye contact, the Soldier lowers his gaze and laughs lightly. “Nothing...it’s just…” He exhales, a smirk still pulling at his lips. “I remember…” His tongue moistens his dry lips as he waits for her response.

Intrigued, Chrissy brings her focus back to the man by her side. Maybe he’s regaining memories from his past, even more so now. His brain can probably heal properly now without all that crap those Hydra bastards put in there. “Really, that’s great.” Her eyes are bright and full of hope.

“Yeah…” He clears his throat. “Accept I’m talking about something a little more recent.” His eyes linger on her lips and then back up at her eyes. 

“Oh.” Chrissy blushes and is suddenly wanting the conversation to head in a different direction. Now. Trying to occupy herself, she places her coffee on the ground by her feet, folds the blanket and pushes it aside. “I’m sorry...I really shouldn’t have let it go that far. I should have…”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Are you apologizing for that again?” The Soldier places his prosthetic hand behind her neck and gets the woman to face him. “Grown man here...remember?” He laughs and presses his forehead against hers. 

“Yeah.” Chrissy shuts her eyes and lets herself enjoy their closeness. “Still…” 

“I also remember the conversation we were supposed to have after Tony’s experiment. And the one we eventually had regardless. Also, I remember...that night and that you did say it would have been alright under different circumstances.” His breath and voice are shaky. 

Damn him, of course that’s something he’d remember. “I did say something like that.” Chrissy can feel the metal grip on the back of her neck tighten gently. Letting out a defeated exhale, Chrissy opens her eyes. 

“Is it ok now?” He doesn’t see her refuse or acknowledge the question. She just seems a bit lost. Her hands are gripping the opening of his jacket tightly, as her eyes search her lap for answers. Unsure, but he remembers how she felt that time, the look in her eyes, the way she clung to him. Rubbing her jaw with his thumb, he tilts her head back gently. The tip of his nose rubs against the soft skin of her face and a shaky breath leaves her lips. If she wants to, she’ll meet him halfway.

And she does. Soft warm lips are pressed against his own with a gasp. And within seconds, she’s tugging him closer. So much for being uncertain. Bucky pulls her up onto his lap, Chrissy cups the sides of his face and pushes her tongue into his mouth. Her reward, a raspy groan. He's real. Really here. Really remembers her. And this is her way of making sure this isn't a dream. The way he smells, feels and tastes, all things she remembers vividly. This is him. Her Bucky and he’s really home.

Out of breath, the couple pulls apart and relaxes against each other, content and warm. Bucky pushes her hair back and smiles, resting his head on her shoulder. He can feel her place a kiss on his forehead as her hands massage the muscles between his shoulder blades. This feels normal and right. She fits nicely against him. Like a puzzle piece that belongs. 

He’d been avoiding that for so long. It’s only become evident as of late, that no matter what this is between them, this relationship, she’s in danger regardless. Anyone around him is in some sort of danger. Whether that be from himself or anyone after him. People will always be in some sort danger. This woman has proven more than once that she’s not exactly helpless. Most of the people in his life are capable of taking care of themselves and yet they continuously rely on each other some way or another regardless. Family. Of sorts.

She’s a grown woman, that’s something he needs to remind himself. Capable of making decisions when it comes to her own well being. Mind, body and heart. Chrissy’s given him the courtesy of allowing him to make decisions for himself, the least he can do is return the favor.

Blue eyes stare up lovingly at the woman sitting on him. “I’ll never push, for anything more. You know that right?” His arms are wrapped securely around her waist as he tries to reassure her of his intentions. Not a letcher. She has full control of this and where it’s heading. Regardless of what she decides, slow, fast, nothing more, he’s sticking around. If this is as far as things will ever go between them, that's fine. It's still more than he deserves.

“Yeah, I know.” She beams at him and places a gentle lingering kiss on his lips. “There’s no rush. We can take our time.” Her thumb drags over his bottom lip. He’s really here she reminds herself. And he's perfect. He seems so exhausted, but he's here.

He’s not going anywhere. Chrissy’s right. There’s no hurry. Resting the side of his face against her chest, Bucky lets out a relaxed breath when she removes his hat and runs her fingers through his hair. It’s like as if she knows his headache has resurfaced. Small fingers are massaging the base of his neck and the sensitive spots behind his ears. A satisfied sigh escapes the Soldier as he shuts his eyes.

“Headache?” She asks and Bucky nods against her sweater. “Wanna head inside. Maybe you need a good night’s sleep.”

“Can I sleep in your room?” That came out a bit rushed and a bit sudden. His eyes are studying her face. “I promise to behave myself.” He snickers. “I just...it feels like I was here, this entire time...but that I wasn’t at the same time. It’s hard to explain.” He sighs. It’s like he was gone, and he missed their closeness. Only he's always been here. He remembers everything, but it just feels, well really weird. Out of body experience. No. It was his body and his mind. This is so hard to explain.

“Bucky, it’s fine. Course you can. Just because we kissed, doesn’t mean I’m going to start pushing you away now.” She can feel his arms tighten around her. He was worried that she would do exactly that. He’s not one to push himself on anyone, so she has little doubt that their, well this, will go any further until they are both ready.

Another lengthy kiss is placed on his mouth that almost leaves him breathless. “I promise, it won't get weird and that your health and mental stability will still remain my number one priority.”

What did he ever do to deserve such a beautiful human being? Bucky nods and can feel the sting of moisture in his eyes. What the hell? “Thank you.” He clears his throat relieved.

* * *

The Captain leans against the counter and finishes his beer (that he had to drive into town to get, what's up with the no booze in the house?). His friend is kind enough to hand him another one from the fridge. And this has to be the very first time that he witnesses Barnes searching the side cupboard for Tylenol. The Soldier opens the pill bottle, takes two capsules and downs them with a glass of water. Must be in enough pain to have to resort to drugs of any sort.

“That bad huh?” Steve asks mildly concerned. The other man pinches the bridge of his nose and nods. “I'll contact Stark again. See if there's any other known side effects and how bad they get. Maybe he has some pointers.”

The Soldier downs another two pills and another glass of water. Super Soldiers probably need a higher dosage, right? “Probably just need some sleep.” He clears his throat.

“Right.” Rogers has that grin spreading. That one where he thinks he knows what's going on. 

“I'm staying in her room. But it's not like that.” Bucky winces. God his head is pounding. His eyes feel like they have a heartbeat and the drumming in his ears is getting louder. Another glass of water. Stay hydrated.

“Saw you two...decided to stay inside. Looked like a private moment.” Steve snickers as he focuses on the drink in his hands.

Bucky removes his hat. Eyes shut firmly, he leans forward, turns on the water and rinses his face. “It was.” He grunts out. Nauseated, now? Give me a break. A puff of air leaves his cheeks a few times.

“Buck.” A tight grip on his right shoulder. “You ok pal?”

“I'm fine.” The Soldier removes the towel from the kitchen rack, wipes off his face and then tosses the item onto the counter. When he looks up, his eyes can't even focus on the man in front of him. Woah, the room is spinning. He tries to catch the edge of the counter and misses. Steve wraps an arm around his friends chest before he can hit the floor.

“Jesus. Buck.” The Captain sighs heavily as the other man wraps his arm around his shoulders. “I'll help you up the stairs.” Without protest, Bucky nods.

They make their way up to Chrissy's bedroom. The shower is on. Steve glances in the direction of the bathroom door hoping the woman won't show up in the nude. Bucky lies back in bed with a long exhale. 

The water turns off and Steve knocks on the door. “Chris? Buck's on the bed. Uhm...something about a migraine.”

After a few minutes the door opens and Chrissy enters the bedroom fully dressed, hair tied up and pulling on a sweater. “Still?”

“Yeah. Even saw him take Tylenol.” 

Chrissy lifts a brow in the Captain's direction and then brings her attention to the quiet man on her bed. “Sweetie. Come on let's get all this clothes off you and get you into bed.” 

“Alright.” Rogers rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “Time for me to leave.”

“You know what she meant, jackass.” Bucky laughs and then winces once more.

“Chris, if you need me…” Steve places a hand on her back.

The woman nods. “Thanks Steve. We're good here.”

After the Captain leaves, Chrissy helps Bucky to sit up and turns all the lights off, except for one lamp. “Better?”

“Yeah.” His eyes are closed and he's resting against the headboard. When a sudden sharp pain spreads in his brain, Bucky hisses and bring his palms up to his eyes.

Chrissy sighs. She knows all too well that feeling. “Alright. Lemme help.” Her hands are quick to push off his jacket. Fingers undo the buttons of his plaid shirt and push it off gently. She decides to leave his undershirt on. “Can you...or do you want me to?” 

Is she referring to his jeans? “Yeah those are staying on.” He snickers and pushes her hands away gently.

“Not in my bed they aren't. You been outside all day. They're filthy.” She crosses her arms and waits.

“Fine.” He sighs, stands up and removes everything but his underwear. “Better?” He huffs and lies down.

“Need anything? Want some tea?”

Alright now he's laughing. Tea? Him? “Nope.” He can feel the mattress dip with her movements. She leaves and he can hear her go downstairs. What on earth is she doing? After a few minutes she's back in the room and getting him to press a small bag of ice to the back of his neck.

“Got you this as well.” She hands him some light clothing. A saint. She has to be one.

“Thanks.” As he slips on the pair of pants quickly and then presses a kiss to her lips like as if it's something they've done a hundred times before. His eyes flash open. Hand against his face, he sinks into her touch. “Yeah, that’ll never get old.” He snickers and shakes his head, instantly regretting that motion.

“Lie down sweetie.” She says gently and he listens. Chrissy continues to hold the ice against the back of his neck. “Is this helping?”

“A little. I really think I just need a good night's sleep.” They both start laughing. When's the last time he ever had a good night’s sleep. “Apparently I'm a comedian now.”

Chrissy lies down beside him and presses another warm kiss to his lips. Something about the way she kisses him so freely or the way he does in return is so liberating. Looking back on everything, it seems a bit odd now that they were so hesitant to start anything. Were they afraid that it would be considered something wrong? Or maybe upset anyone? Really any thoughts regarding this entire situation as anything other than normal or loving is just absurd now. 

Thinking on these things and silently laughing to himself, Bucky’s prosthetic wraps around her waist and holds her close, thumb rubbing her lower rib. “Sleep.” She reminds a little breathless. “I'll be right here.”

Bucky lets out a content breath and presses the side of his face against her chest. The sound of her heart lulling him to sleep.

* * *

Twelve hours go by and he's still sleeping. Worried, Chrissy checks in on him every few hours. Making sure he's still breathing and has no fever. He looks so rested and content sprawled out in her bed. Chance is curled up by his side, Jake’s on the floor near the end of the bed. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she was even just a bit worried. Maybe he’ll wake up and not remember anything again. The universe can be cruel sometimes. Don’t think like that.

Chrissy’s sitting in the living room, going over paperwork and research that Tony sent for her. All info on possible side effects and how to deal with them. She doesn’t even notice Steve take a seat beside her. “He still asleep?” The Captain asks, the concern in his eyes betraying how confident his words sound. He’s been thinking the same thing. What if?

The woman nods. “Tony’s research said that this is fairly common. Even he went through it to some degree. The only difference is that according to Bucky’s blood work, most of the medications that would usually help with these type migraines won’t really do much for him. His metabolism is too high and whatever they put in him that makes him advance, well it’ll just counteract anything we give him. So sleeping is best for now.”

“Well he’s got you looking out for him. He’ll be fine. Just let me know what I can do.”

“Honestly, at this point. I probably need you around incase he passes out anywhere.” She giggles. It’s a statement based in truth. If Bucky goes down, there’s no way in hell she’d be able to lift him, he’s heavy enough as it is, but dead weight? Pfff. “I’m thinking that a really good hot meal will do us all some good.”

“Alright.” Steve exhales. “How about I help you with dinner? See if we can get him to eat something.”

* * *

After finally waking up from that deep sleep and making his way down stairs, Bucky sits down with both Chrissy and Steve in the dining room and eats. His stomach felt as though he hadn’t eaten anything in days. Maybe he hadn’t. Whatever the case, he eats a large amount and this seems to please his friends, because they wouldn’t stop sharing that look of easement between the two of them. With a quick grunt, the Soldier informs them that he’s fine and that they should stop worrying so much. But deep down inside, Bucky feels a twinge of guilt, because the fact that they are so worried kind of feels nice.

And now, Chrissy's dragging her finger through Bucky’s hair as he lies on the couch. Head on her lap, eyes shut, he's relaxed and falling asleep, again. His stomach is satisfied and he feels comfortable and warm. He’s just so drained and weak these past few days. As the woman continues to read the book in her hand, he allows himself to drift off.

“You should head to bed.” She squeezes his shoulder. “It would do you a world of good. Specially seeing as how you’re falling asleep.” 

Sitting up slowly and still feeling extremely weak, Bucky sighs. What the hell? When will this start to go away? “Maybe.” A sharp pain has him pressing his hand to his temple. “Ow.”

The woman lets out a low breath. A kiss is placed on his jaw. “Need me to get Steve? He’s just in the workshop. Probably trying to demolish one of those punching bags.”

“Nope.” The Soldier slowly stands, hand on the arm of the sofa for good measure. “See. Sturdy.” He winks and heads toward the stairs on unsteady legs.

“Hang on. Stubborn. I'll follow you up.” Chrissy deposits her book, but he waves her off.

“I'm alright. Besides, if I did fall, you’d only get crushed.” A shaky smile spreads across his lips as he heads up the stairs.

* * *

After doing the dishes, Chrissy makes her way upstairs. She decides to check on Bucky before she heads outside. When she opens the door to his room, it's silent. She can't hear any deep breathing. The door is opened further to let the light of the hallway in and she doesn’t see his outline anywhere. Heart skips a beat with a bit of panic. Then something occurs to her. 

With a small grin she quietly walks over to her room. There he is. Right arm folded over his eyes, prosthetic curled under the pillow beneath the back of his head. “You coming to bed?” She spots some of his clothing folded and piled neatly on the chair. 

“Later.” Chrissy makes her way to his side and takes a seat. His left arm drapes over her knee. “Gonna spend some time with Steve. You should get some rest. You've been sleeping so well lately, maybe you should take advantage of that.” Fingers trace along the metallic grooves and joints of his fingers.

“Yeah. Good point.” A tired chuckle. “Is it alright that I'm in here again?”

“Course it is.” Chrissy leans forward and places a quick peck on his forehead, still no fever that's good. 

The Soldier settles his frame once more and lets out a relaxed exhale. “Seem to sleep better in here. Not sure why.” Maybe because it's her room, maybe because he's not alone. Regardless of the reason, he sleeps. “If me being in here is too much right now...I understand.” His fingers squeeze her knee. Intentions are innocent.

“Sweetie, it's fine.” The woman pushes back his bangs and drags her fingers along his temple. With a satisfied breath, Bucky shuts his eyes once more. “If this is going to become a regular thing, that's alright. Doesn’t bother me one bit. But maybe you should start to keep some clothing in here.” Chrissy pauses, eyes drifting back to the chair and then continues to comb her fingers through his hair. “Just nothing beyond this for now...I don’t...”

“Hey.” He whispers gently, knowing full well what she’s trying to explain. Bucky grasps her hand and brings her knuckles up to his lips. “Nothing further then this. Promise. Just nice, not being alone…” Why does it bother him to admit that? “My room will still be my room. You ever want me to not be in here, just say the word. No hard feelings. I promised you to never push or ask for anything more.”

“Alright.” Well that takes the pressure off. And it’s nice to know that he understands. She doesn’t want to rush anything with him. His mind is too fragile and they’re both not ready. Not yet. “Bucky…”

“Yeah?” 

“I really missed you.” Chrissy sniffs. Why is she tearing up? It’s not like he was physically gone. But dear God, it’s just hitting her now. When he had first woken up and didn’t recognize them, didn’t recognize her. It’s like someone she had cared for. Someone she had loved, died. And she had never given herself the proper time to grieve or mourn. But how do you do that for someone who’s technically still alive and walking around? The Soldier sits up and wraps his arms around her. Ducking her face under his chin, she refuses to cry. “You were so lost and confused. It was a lot harder than I thought. Watching you go through that was torture.” Is this how Steve felt when he saw his friend for the first time after all those years? 

“Sorry.”

She refuses to tell him about the few weak moments she had. The ones where she'd cry quietly late at night, not sure what she was feeling or what to do to help him.

“If Tony’s work didn't fix anything. If it fails to hold up…” The Soldier begins to explain.

“Bucky...no...” She won't be as strong a third time around. She knows it. “I can’t. Don’t ask me to do that again.”

“Listen. I won’t go through with it again. Ok? We'd find a different way. Alright?” Bucky's hold on her tightens. “Promise. I won't force you or Steve to go through that again.” As hard as it was for himself, it must have been equally, if not harder on all of the people around him.

“Really?” Chrissy looks up at him as she pulls away. When she blinks a tear falls and slides down her cheek. Bucky drags his thumb and wipes away the moisture.

“Have I ever broken a promise I've made to you?” When she smiles warmly and shakes her head, his body relaxes. Chrissy leans forward and kisses him deeply. Hands grip her upper arms. This much affection is appreciated, but he’s still not used to it. Yet craves it all the same. His body trembles for some unknown reason and he makes a mental to note to think on it later.

Licking her lips, the woman pulls away gently. She rubs the arms holding her close and then smiles. “Alright. You're supposed to get some rest. I've got a firepit date with Steve. ” 

“Ok. Look after him for me. I think he's taking all of this the hardest. I probably owe him an apology.”

* * *

Steve smiles up at his friend as she walks down the path. “Chris...how's he doing?” The Captain asks as he places a blanket for her on the cold bench.

“Good. Just exhausted. He's sleeping.” Chrissy hands Steve a small case of beer and then sits down beside him. A glass of wine and a bag of mini marshmallows in hand. Yup, that’s right. After everything, she deserves this small treat. It was so worth the trip to town earlier today.

“Is he...in your bed again?” He sees her lift a brow in his direction. “Look it's not really any of my business. But I'm just looking out for the both of you.”

“You're sweet.” Chrissy tosses a mini marshmallow into her mouth. “Yes he is. And remember we're adults. But I appreciate your concern. I won't hurt him.” 

“I know.” So what's he worried about then? “I just...I dunno. Nice to see two of my closest friends happy. But I worry.”

Chrissy wraps her scarf around her neck and sighs. “I know. But really. We're not moving fast at all. He just sleeps better in my room. We haven't…” A blush and she's forced to hide her cheeks with the scarf.

“Oh.” Steve grins and laughs. “I...Uhm…”

Shaking her head, a bit disappointed that his mind went right to the gutter that quickly, she sighs and tosses a few marshmallows at him, which forces a smile to appear on his face. “Really Steve? He’s been…” Back? No that’s not the right wording, but what is? Sure he’s not physically back, but in a sense he was gone. “For only a few days. And you think the first thing on my mind is to get in his pants?” She laughs sarcastically.

“Well no.” The Captain shrugs. He knows this is friendly banter to lighten the mood. However, he does know _his_ friend. The man currently in her bed. He loves that man like a brother, but he’s not dumb. The guy was really into the ladies back in their day.

“You know me. And how I am.” Chrissy states.

“True.” The Captain grins. “But I know how... men are. Granted, we’re not all the same.” 

“Yup. A few exceptions.” Chrissy winks. “I know what you’re getting at...He’s not like that. At least, if he was, he isn’t anymore. You know it. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If I go upstairs tonight and we’re both ready then so be it. But if something like that happens in a few months from now. Then, that’s when it happens.” 

The Captain nods. “Jesus Chris.”

“Hey you brought it up.” Chrissy grins. “But the point is. That’s not what this relationship is built on. We have to take everything slow. For him and for me. We both have baggage. We both have issues.” She laughs contently. All too aware of her state of mind and the walls she has built over the years. “And that’s just fine.”

“Yeah. Ok.” He clears his throat. “Just you know...do that sort of thing when I’m not here.” Rogers claps his hands together and stretches out his back with an awkward grin appearing. Awww he’s embarrassed. 

“No promises. The man is seriously gorgeous. Besides there’s other things we can do that's quiet right?” The Captain looks at her from the corner of his eyes. “Seriously. Not sure how I will restrain myself. And to have him half naked in my bed.” Now he’s looking at her fully, hands gripping his knees. He looks as though he’s ready to head up into the house and drag Bucky back to his room. Chrissy’s holding her sides and laughing loudly. “Lighten up. I’m joking with you.”

“You’re hilarious.” He says flatly and lets out an exasperated breath.

“Wait have you and Sharon slept together?” 

Woah, where did that come from? And blunt much? “Jesus. No.” Steve shakes his head. Why is it that she can blurt out that, but when it comes to her personal life she's all flustered. “I've barely spoken to her since New Years.”

“What? Why?” Chrissy continues to eat marshmallows.

Steve sighs sadly. “Been busy.”

* * *

Arms circle Bucky from behind as he sits in one of the muskoka chairs. “Happy Birthday.” A kiss on his cheek as Chrissy’s arms squeeze him tighter. “Hope you’re having a nice time.” Metallic hand grasps her forearm. The Soldier continues to stare at the firepit before him.

It had gotten a little loud in the home, so he decided to take a bit of time to himself outside. He figures that both Chrissy and Steve probably understood and more than likely made up an excuse for his lack of presence. Regardless, everyone probably understands. They’re all so understanding. Kind of makes him feel nauseous sometimes.

The Soldier leans back and motions for her to make her way around. “Come here.” The woman takes a seat on his lap and wraps her arms around his neck. “I am. It’s just.” He sighs. It’s all a bit too much. It’s amazing to have all of these people here. All of the ones that mean something to him. It’s way more than he ever expected. He really didn’t think he was thought of or cared for this much. And it’s all a bit overwhelming, but in a positive way. “Just needed a minute to myself.” Hands rub her ribs and back. 

“So you’re ok with having everyone here?” She sees him nod. “Alright.” Of course Chrissy’s concerned. It hasn’t been all that long since his mind has recovered things he’d forgotten. He’s still healing.

“Really, this has been good. It’s nice to catch up and feel a bit, well, normal.”

Chrissy tugs gently at the strands of hair hanging in front of his eyes. “Ok. I was just coming out here to check on you. And to let you know that Steve wants you to come inside in a bit. He’s forcing you to blow out all of your candles.” 

Bucky chuckles lightly. One hundred candles, that might take a bit of effort. “I’m good. Promise.” When the woman nods and starts to get up, his arms tighten and force her to remain seated. “Hey, didn’t say I wanted you going anywhere.” He laughs lightly as he drags his lips over her collarbone. 

A nice quiet moment away from prying eyes. It’s as though everyone is waiting for them to make some sort of announcement or something all the time. Why? No one needed any reassurance when Nat and Clint started anything. The side-eyed looks and small grins he keeps seeing is really starting to get annoying. What, do these people think? That they’re just going to start hanging off each other like a couple of teenagers all the time? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. They’re just a little more comfortable now. That’s all. No pressure. 

Chrissy pushes his hair back and he shuts his eyes. Content and warm by the fire. “I have a gift for you.” Bucky opens his eyes, a hint of mischief behind his grin. She slaps his shoulder playfully. “No, nothing like that. But you will have to wait for it.” She licks her lips and then presses a kiss against his mouth. “Should keep you busy.” She giggles.

Bucky rolls his eyes. Far too aware of what that little sly laugh could mean. Great, more work of some sort. He laughs lightly. “Alright.” He sighs, trying to give off a disappointed roll of his eyes. “Just so you know, I don’t think…”

Chrissy’s lips are against his once more, forcing a heavy groan to leave his chest. Hands press against her back, forcing her to rest against him. Her thumbs rub the length of his jaw and he’s suddenly the happiest he can ever remember being.

“Jesus.” Clint clears his throat. “You have a room Chris. Maybe you should use it.” Barton walks down the path and laughs.

Bucky leans his head back and regards the other man with an angered stern look. His hand grips Chrissy’s knee and he’s fairly certain it’s the only thing keeping him from throttling the other man. Why must something always interrupt them?

“Can it Barnes.” Clint snickers.

“Oh would you both stop.” Chrissy stands up and pockets her cold hands.

“Hey. I didn’t do anything.” Bucky adjusts his jacket and leans forward, getting closer to the heat of the fire.

Lifting a brow in his direction, Chrissy shakes her head. “Right. Because you probably weren’t just thinking of all the ways you could dismember Clint right now.”

“No…” Her brow is lifted higher. “Well maybe.”

“You’re violent.” Clint tosses the other man a can of beer. 

“Clint, stop being a pain.” Chrissy takes the beer away from Bucky and nudges Clint as she walks by. 

“Dude. Did she just…” 

Barnes nods. “Don’t ask.” Oh, someone’s embarrassed about something. 

Clint grins. “Were you a bad boy? Is that why all of the booze in this house is gone?” The other man nods and Barton laughs. “I had to go to the liquor store because of you. That’s a far enough drive.” Clint laughs. “But seriously. Want a beer?”

The Soldier shakes his head with a smirk. “Nah. I’m good.” He clears his throat and wipes his palms on his thighs. There’s a tug in his gut, like he just knows where this conversation is going.

“So you and Chris huh?” Hawkeye tosses a few logs into the flames and relaxes back into one of the chairs.

“Yup.” Ok, Barnes is annoyed.

“Bought damn time.” He raises his can in the other man’s direction. “Not like you’re getting any younger.”

“Ass.” Bucky snickers and feels as though things are slowly going back to normal again. Clearing his throat, he regards the other man from underneath his brow. “I owe you an apology.” The Soldier leans forward, uncomfortable with the current subject. “I…”

“Right. Let me stop you right there.” A deep exhale. Disappointed that this man thinks he did anything wrong. “You were protecting a friend. Something didn’t seem right. And you were following your gut. Because of you...those bastards don’t have any control over either of us. Or Stark. If anything, I should be thanking you.”

They’ve both been subject to some sort of brainwash. They’ve both been used in a way that has Clint’s skin crawling. 

“I could have went a little easier on you.” Bucky snorts out. 

“Hey! I can take it.” Clint finishes his drink. “That’s it. We’re sparring tomorrow old man.”

“You’re on. I’ll make sure not to swing too hard, you bruise like a peach.”

* * *

“Told you so.” Tony bumps his elbow into Chrissy’s ribs. “I said I would be the first person to call it and point it out.” The Ironman shakes his head, happy and a bit disappointed all at once.

Chrissy is making sure that she has enough candles to actually cover this large cake. Steve insisted that there had to be one hundred. “Tony. Look I know you don’t approve…”

With a sigh Stark starts helping her place all of the candles. “You happy?” The woman nods with a smile. “He treats you good.” Another nod. “Do you feel safe with him?” Again she nods. “Then that’s all I care about.” A side smirk.

“Thank-you.” Chrissy grips his hand quickly and then continues to place the candles.

“We’re going to need a fire extinguisher on standby just in case.” Tony snickers as he actually pulls one out from under the sink. Chrissy lifts a brow in his direction. “Alright. Just because you two kids are a thing now, don’t expect me to go easy on him. It’ll be hilarious.”

“You’re trying to piss him off.” Chrissy smirks when her friend nods.

“Going to. Not trying to. Come on. Clint, Scott and Rogers will think it’s hilarious.” 

And they do. Clint and Scott are holding their sides and Cap is gripping his chest. They’re all laughing when Chrissy comes out with the cake, Tony by her side with the bright red fire extinguisher. Both Nat and Wanda are doing their best to not laugh too loudly, Sam is shaking his head with a large smile and Vision is clearly confused.

And Barnes is actually grinning. “Funny.” He shakes his head. After their little group tortures him with the happy birthday song, he blows out all of the candles, with great effort, and then leans back against the wall pretending to be winded.

Steve is still laughing like a big dork as he makes his way over to his friend. “Happy Birthday you Jerk.” He extends his hand.

“Thanks. Punk.” Bucky pulls the other man to him and embraces him tightly. He can feel the other man patting his back, arm flexing around his shoulder. “I remember you.” Bucky admits in a low tone. “All of our…” The arm around him tightens as he swallows the lump in his throat. 

“Nice to have you back pal.” Steve backs away and grips the other man’s shoulder.

* * *

Everyone's in the living room, Wanda and Chris decide to tidy up the dining room and kitchen. “Alright. Remind me to hurt Steve.” Chrissy laughs as she picks up all the candles. 

“Get him back on his birthday.” Wanda snickers.

“Why didn't i think of that?” When Chrissy looks over at her friend, she can see the Witch biting her lip as if trying to repress a laugh. “What?” Arms surround Chrissy’s abdomen from behind, startling her and causing her to yelp.

With a small smirk, Wanda leaves the kitchen and gives the couple a bit of privacy.

“I'll help you clean in a minute.” Bucky’s chin rests on her shoulder. Facial hair rubbing against her skin.

“What? No. It's your birthday. Go enjoy some down time with Steve and the others.” Crazy guy. As if she's going to let him clean or anything of that nature today.

Hands gripping her hips, Bucky forces the woman to turn and face him. “Kind of want you around as well.” The look of bliss in his eyes, she's never seen him so at ease before. He dips down and places a kiss on her lips. Small arms wrap around his neck.

Then the moment is killed, once more. There’s a loud popping noise as glitter and confetti is tossed in the air and lands all over them. All over the kitchen. Then there's the sound of two noise making party favors. Bucky's eyes slowly glance over his shoulder to the two laughing culprits. Someone's going to have to run, soon.

Tony and Wanda are wearing party hands and still blowing on those noise makers. The Ironman is holding the confetti cannon as he continues to make noise. “Uh oh.” He laughs.

The Soldier rolls his eyes and looks back at Chrissy. “You're covered in glitter and confetti.” Alright. This is kind of hilarious.

The woman dusts off his shoulders. “You look pretty good in it yourself.” She snickers. Oh right. He sighs and lets out a large breath that sends more sparkles from his hair everywhere. “Still want to help me clean?” Now she's laughing just as hard.

Unable to think of any other way to annoy Stark, Bucky lifts his gal and kisses her. A large smile on his lips.

“I'm pretty sure that that kind of behaviour in a kitchen is unsanitary.” Tony sighs. 

“Shut up. They're adorable.” Wanda pushes Tony gently and blows the noise maker in his face. “Party pooper.” She laughs and is pleased to see Stark grin.

“Brat.” He hugs her. “Right. If you two are done sucking face…”

* * *


	24. Chapter 24: Broken Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Where to start? Since the last chapter that was posted, lots has gone on over here in RL. Husband got sick and needed to take time off from work, so I was taking care of him, doing my online schooling and trying to keep the regular home life stuff going and planning all of Christmas. Then we had the sewer back up in our basement. The tires on my SUV went so we had to get new ones. On the way back from getting new tires, my hubby got in a car accident (he’s fine). So there’s been little to no time for ‘me’. And to top it off I got sick with a damned body cold/flu that refuses to go away.**
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> **But I’ve never forgotten about this fic. I love it. I have chapters written for it. They just need filler and editing. And I’m not one to rush something if I want it done properly. Anywho, here’s the next chapter. I do hope you enjoy it ;)**
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> **Again, thank you to everyone reading, leaving likes, kudos, bookmarking, faving and commenting on this. All of our little chit chats in pms and comments are always great and I appreciate everyone one of you, even those who just stop in to read ;)**
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> **As always, read, review and enjoy!**
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> **Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http:// vamporchid. Tumblr. com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www. Canva .com /design / DAB-5yBeJ9w /view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at. (Remove the spaces from the links)**
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> **Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.**

A rumble of an engine is heard. Chrissy smiles. Another rumble, a loud bang and. “Fuck!” Yup, those new parts and tools she got him for both the car and bike are probably more of a curse than a gift.

Chrissy covers her mouth and laughs. Good thing she's in the house. She can hear him cursing again. She rolls her eyes and then prepares some lunch.

As she makes her way outside towards the workshop she can still hear Bucky swearing. She's doing her best to cover up her smile. Pressing her lips together she enters the shop. A tray with hot soup, sandwiches and few other assortments is placed on the table.

“Brought you guys some lunch.” She makes her way next to Bucky and bends low. He's under the car, there's a few clanks and then he pushes himself out from under the vehicle.

“You said this was a gift. Right?” He huffs as he dusts himself off and ties back his hair again. A drawn out exhale leaving him as he notices how filthy he is.

Chrissy nods, still trying not to laugh. “Yup. You needed something else to do. Didn’t think you’d want to always be working on the cabin.”

“You know, she has a point.” Clint is stuffing his face already. How on earth would he pass up homemade soup? “As nice as it will be to get that house finished, we can’t be constantly worried about it. Specially when Stark’s in there. I’m not getting in the way of whatever the hell it is he’s doing. Besides, it’s practically done.”

Alright, so they’re both right. Until Tony’s done installing and upgrading the systems of the house and surrounding security, it’s not like they have much to do. But this new engine, well if that’s what you want to call it, is a pain in the ass. Bucky knows that once this car is up and running it’ll be one hell of a beast, until then, it’s his current aggravation.

One week, that’s the time frame Stark gave them. One week and they’re more than welcome to finish the build.

* * *

Chrissy is reading over medical reports and notes on her tablet again. Shortly after Bucky's birthday, Tony had gotten the Soldier to sit in the Quinjet so that he could properly examine him. With the assistance of some of Dr.Cho’s equipment, he was given the all clear. Might still get the odd migraine here and there, but everything seems to be holding up.

Now it's just to wait and see if he continues to regain memories from the past seventy years and how he deals with it.

“It's not going to change as soon as you put it down.” The Soldier squeezes Chrissy’s knee, hopefully instilling some sort of reassurance. “Stark said…”

“I know.” A weary smile. She's just so used to things never going right. Making sure that there are no gaps or that they didn't overlook something seems important. She places the device onto the coffee table and rests against him. Stifling a yawn and then focusing on the scene before her as Bucky wraps his arm around her.

Wanda is eating popcorn, sitting on the floor with her back resting against the sofa near Tony’s knee, who is sleeping next to Chrissy. Head tilted awkwardly forward, an abandoned drink on the end table. The Ironman seems to actually be sleeping soundlessly.

Steve seems to be really enamored with what he's watching on the TV. Arms crossed and resting on his knees as he sits forward slightly in the large sofa chair. Scott is passed out in the other chair, blanket draped over his frame, snoring lightly.

“Where are the others?” Chrissy asks. Clint, Nat and Vision are nowhere to be seen.

“Went to see the horses and then they were going to start a fire.” Sam informs as he exits the kitchen.

“Oh my. Something smells good. Tell me you're baking something.” Chrissy giggles.

“Don't know what you're talking about.” The Falcon winks and then his eyes squint in the direction of the television. “What the hell are you people watching?”

“Stranger Things.” The Witch chimes in. “I like El.”

“El?” Sam lifts a brow.

Wanda waves him off. “Shh.” Then continues to eat her popcorn.

They're on the third episode when Chrissy notices how extremely quiet Bucky has been. His fingers begin to squeeze her knee a little too tight and he's staring off into nothing. “Bucky?” She asks cautiously. He doesn't answer, move or blink. She says his name again a little louder this time and he still doesn't respond.

“Steve.” Chrissy looks over her shoulder to see that the Captain is watching her. Rogers nods and turns the tv off.

Wanda comes to a stand and grips Tony’s shoulder. A finger pressed against her lips when he opens his eyes. Startled that the woman is so close, Stark rubs his eyes. Wanda points in Barnes direction. Concerned for everyone's safety, Tony quietly removes himself from his spot and waits.

“Sweetie. Are you ok?” Chrissy asks once she's positive that everyone around her is aware of the situation. “Answer me.” She whispers softly near his neck and ear. “Hey I'm right here. We're all right here with you. Safe, remember?” Fingers grip his arm gently for support.

He seems to come to all of a sudden. Shaking his head lightly, sweat covering his brow. “What's going on?” He clears his throat. “Why is it so warm…”

“Are you ok?” Chrissy grasps his hand that's still gripping her knee.

“I...what happened?” Wow he feels parched. Lips are dry so he drags his tongue over them.

“You spaced out. Think that part...in the show might have…”

“Triggered some sort of shock.” Tony finishes. He understands. Goes through it often himself.

The experimenting on that girl in the tv show. How the doctors were forcing her to do things she didn't want to. Kill on command. A shiver runs down Bucky's spine and he visibly shakes it off.

“Think I'm gonna shower.” Without sparing a second glance, the Soldier makes his way up the stairs.

Chrissy looks over her shoulder towards Sam and Steve. “I’m worried.” She begins to chew at the corner of her thumb, arms crossed she exhales heavily. “Can you…”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to him.” Rogers makes his way upstairs and knocks on Chrissy’s bedroom door. “Buck. You ok?”

“Think so.” He’s sitting at the edge of the bed, elbows and hands feeling shaky. “Just...I think some of that...it stirred up some shit.”

“Reminded you of things you went through?” Steve sighs and takes a seat beside his friend. He doesn’t need the other man to answer to know that he’s making the correct assumptions. “Yeah. Sorry pal.”

All his training. All his missions. They aren’t the clearest things in his mind, but some sort of flood gate was opened and it’s as if he was remembering everything all at once from those times. So he’s not exactly able to decipher them, but his brain and body seem to remember and it must of sent him into some sort of shock. And he’s fairly certain that Cap knows this. Understands.

Hell most of the people here probably understand to some degree. Every damned person in this house wakes from nightmares from past trauma at some point. Every person in this house seems to have something that just sends them over the edge. He’s just had a hell of a lot more time to add numerous notches to his belt of fears and regrets.

“Every one of us is here for you. You know that right?” Steve regards the other man with a tight smile. Saddened that his best friend has had to suffer the things that he has. Has had to inflict the things that he’s done.

“I appreciate that...but I ...just…” The Soldier runs a hand through his hair. “Gonna take that shower now. But thanks Steve.”

* * *

The world needs saving from itself once more and the Avengers are called out again. Bucky knows he’s still not fit to suit up and fight, so patiently, he stands aside and watches yet again as his comrades head out and he stays behind. The Quinjet leaves and the property is quiet once more. Rolling his shoulders Bucky decides that he should probably continue the work on the cabin. It’s so close to being finished. Hopping into Chrissy’s Chev, he decides to continue the work until the end of each day.

Chrissy’s preparing food for dinner when she notices a large pickup truck quickly coming down the driveway. “Charlotte?” Chrissy asks the A.I. as she looks out the window. “Who’s the visitor?” Obviously someone Charlotte knows, or they wouldn’t be permitted to be driving this way on the property.

_“Logan has unexpectedly arrived. I would have brought this to your attention had I foresaw a problem…”_

“No you’re right, it’s fine.” She cuts the A.I mid sentence. Already, Chrissy has a sinking feeling as to why this man could be here. Calmly, she makes her way to the porch, wiping her hands with a towel, she waits.

Logan hits the breaks, puts the truck in park and exits the vehicle, slamming the door behind him. “Where’s he at Chris? And don’t make me ask twice.”

“Logan…” Chrissy descends a few stairs. Unfortunately, she’s right.

The Wolverine moves quickly in her direction. “Did you know?” A grunt behind every word. She doesn’t answer, he knows what that means. “For how long!?”

“Not long. He started remembering things a few days after we left the mansion.” Unable to hide her empathy, she sighs.

“And you weren’t going to tell me?” Logan shakes his head and begins to pace, what on earth is she thinking? How could she let someone like this stay here?

“It wasn’t my place…”

“Bullshit!” The Wolverine turns round on her quickly, grabbing her arm. “Now tell me where he is.” He warns. “I’m gonna find him either way.” Logan would never hurt Chrissy, he already regrets being so cross with her. Being more than human does have its advantages though, he can hear the Chevy coming down the property now. It’s being parked behind the house. Logan lets go of her arm and heads towards the barn.

Just as he pops his claws Chrissy yells at him. “Logan, stop! This won’t fix anything!”

_No, but it’s a damn good start._

Hearing Chrissy’s panicked voice, Bucky turns around just on time to see the Wolverine take a swing at him. Reflexes kicking in, the Soldier ducks and punches the man in the gut with his advanced arm, sending Logan back a few feet. Stance at the ready, Barnes positions his feet, defence.

“I don’t need these.” The claws disappear. “I’ll end you either way.” Wolverine charges, hitting the man in the abdomen with his shoulder, pinning him against a support post. With lightning speed, he strikes the other man in the jaw. “Why?” Logan hits him again, this time in the ribs, something cracks.

A groan of pain. “I can’t remember.” Bucky knows that the answer supplied isn’t sufficient, but it’s the truth. “That part hasn’t come back to me yet…” His reply earns him another blow, which he doesn’t even try to evade. Stars, that's all he can see at the moment. The back of his skull collides with the beam behind him. Blood, runs down the side of his face, it’s warm and thick, God he hates that feeling. Logan places his fist under the Soldier’s jaw, a claw slides up either side of Bucky’s face.

“You know where the next one will go.” Wolverine grunts out. “Now, why?!” He notices that the man’s not even struggling against him, why? Has he no self-preservation or worth? Piece of shit. Doesn’t matter.

Bucky glares at Logan. Jaw set and firm. “I don’t know. I just remember what I did, that's it. Things from those times...from that part of my past are still coming back slowly. I wish I had answers for you...” His eyes soften when they land on Chrissy’s form. “I understand...what it is you need to do. Just...not in front of…please...” Bucky’s eyes plead with the man that’s about to finish him off, he’s certain that Logan understands his train of thought.

“Logan! I told you, he doesn’t remember everything.” Chrissy carefully makes her way towards the Wolverine, standing just a few feet behind him. “Instead of punishing him, why don’t you put the blame where it belongs. On the people that did this to him!”

“Get outta here Chris.” Logan’s determined and refuses to listen. It doesn’t matter if he finds out why or who, either way this scumbag will be six feet under in a few minutes. “You’re not gonna want to see this.”

A hand is squeezing his shoulder. Looking at Chrissy from the corner of his eyes, Logan can see her face pleading. “It wasn’t his fault. He was forced, he had no control over his actions. You of all people should be able to relate to that. You’ve been searching for as long as you remember for forgiveness, for the things you’ve done.” Her eyes water, her grip and arm begins to tremble. This man, her friend is totally capable of going through with what he intends on doing. “Please, Logan don’t…” Her eyes drift between Bucky and the Wolverine a few times.

Right there, he sees it. He knows _that_ look. How could he go through with this now? After everything that’s been taken away from her, does he really want to be the reason that she has something else torn from her life. After all, he's no stranger to the feeling of loss.

“You're in love with him.” He exhales, defeated. Shoulders sag as a rumble in his chest forms. One thing he could never do is hurt this woman, even at the cost of his own vengeance. Family.

Chrissy’s wet eyes focus on Logan and then go back to Bucky, she nods. Wolverine retracts his claws and allows the other man to slide down the pole, landing in the dirt. “You’re going to figure out what happened that night...eventually, you’ll remember or you’ll have nightmares about it. The second you do…”

Bucky nods, spitting out a mouth full of blood. “It’ll come to me eventually.”

Logan looks at Chrissy, who doesn’t dare move just yet. Pointing down at the Winter Soldier, he offers a warning. “If he ever does anything to hurt you. Anything! There won’t be a hole deep enough for him to crawl into. I’ll find him and I’ll kill him, and not all quick and easy like tonight would have been.”

Chrissy continues to stare at Bucky, he has an open gash at his eyebrow and he continues to wipe the blood coming from his mouth. Also, he refuses to look in her direction. Shame and guilt seeping into his bones once more.

“You know how to get a hold of me.” Logan walks away. The truck’s tires spin in the dirt as the Wolverine speeds off.

Quickly Chrissy is down on her knees at Bucky’s side. “What the hell? You were just going to let him kill you? Just like that?” She knows if he really wanted to, Bucky wouldn’t have let Logan lay a hand on him.

The Soldier snaps his fingers and laughs. “Just like that.” Again he spits out some blood onto the ground. “Not like I don’t have it coming or deserve it. You and Steve would both be better off with me dead, the world would be better off...”

Chrissy slaps him across the face with enough force that his head whips to the side. Rotating his jaw, he brings his attention back to the woman before him. _What the hell?_ That’s not like her at all. Then again, he is bringing out the wacky in people tonight. The muscles in his jaw clench and flex as he tries to swallow the embarrassment that act forced to bubble up inside him. Swallowing his pride he continues to stare at her. He can feel his breaths leaving him in long loud exhales. Alright, he’s also a bit aggravated and angered that she of all people struck him.

Chrissy covers her mouth with her hands, shocked at her own actions. “Oh, Bucky. Oh God. I’m so sorry.” Alright, what he had said, that pushed her buttons. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she begins to sob. “I’m not better off...and you were just gonna let him…” Her body shakes. Upset and angered all at once, she continues to hold him close.

Licking his lips, he feels that stupid guilt swarming again. Bucky wraps his arms around her frame and rests his chin on her shoulder. “It’s ok.” As her body continues to tremble, Bucky remembers Logan’s words. Did she really care for him that much? He’s trying to soothe her the best he can, but what else can he do? He was at peace with the idea of dying by Logan’s hands. Now, he’s not so sure.

Gently Bucky pushes her back and tucks her hair behind her ears. She won’t look at him, and that hurts more than anything. She’s disappointed in him. He wants to wipe her face clean of tears, but settles for pulling his lip in between his teeth. Chrissy wipes at her swollen eyes with her palms. Bucky really can’t handle the fact that she refuses to look at him.

Not knowing what else to do, he uses his thumb and index to tilt her face up towards him, hoping she’ll give in and acknowledge him. After a few seconds of inner struggle, Chrissy blinks and looks his way. “You’re a jerk.” She sniffs, eyes rimmed and wet.

Smiling, Bucky rubs his thumb along her cheek. “I get that a lot.” Something in his chest tells him things are much different now, just by the way she smiles back. Blue eyes search her face for silent permission, not seeing any objection when he leans in a bit closer, he presses his lips against hers. To his relief she returns the kiss. Breaking apart, they rest their foreheads against each other.

He’d been worried that she’d reject his advancements now. Relieved, his shoulders relax. “If I had known getting my ass kicked would end like this…” He teases, she hits him on the shoulder, hard. But he means it. He knows the truth now, she loves him, and that’s both exhilarating and terrifying.

“You look horrible. You should get cleaned up.”

* * *

Everything is different now, but hasn’t changed at all, at the exact same time. How’s that even possible? He knew she cared for him. But this. Does she really harbor the same feelings he has? Is that really possible? And if it is, what should they do about it?

Love. Such a strange word to be associated with a character such as himself. Bucky was surprised that he was actually able to feel and recognize such a thing within his own being. Then to realize that someone else could in fact care for him that deeply as well. Especially after everything she has witnessed, everything she knows. Is frankly quite extraordinary.

Chrissy’s sitting on her bed, reading a book when the Soldier places himself in her doorway. Should he knock? That’s not something he’s ever done. Why would he start now? Brushing off the uneasy feeling that’s squirming its way through him, Bucky lies on the bed, resting his head on her lap. Instinctively her fingers are in his hair.

“What you reading this time?” He yawns and shuts his eyes. Arms wrap around her thighs and knees.

“Law.” She says flatly. “Well of sorts. Just reading the updates Shield sent me. I go over every single detail, every time. Don’t want any surprises.”

“Don’t you trust these people?” He raises a brow without opening his eyes.

Chrissy sighs. “When it comes to certain things, like money or the people in my care. The only one I trust with any of that stuff on my behalf is me.”

Smart gal. Bucky smirks, knowing that she’s the one with the brains. The woman yawns and shifts, she’s exhausted. The Soldier glances up and can see that she’s not even halfway through her reading material. Dark circles are beginning to form under her eyes. She’s drained. He sits up and gently takes the paperback book from her hands.

“You’re tired.” He leans over and deposits the book onto the nightstand. “Get some rest. This can wait.” Bucky smiles, stares at her for a few moments and begins to remove himself from her bed.

“Are you going to be all weird and uncomfortable around me now?” Chrissy scoffs.

“What? No. Why would you ask that?” Confused he sits at the edge of her bed, fingers grasp the mattress. Is he really being that obvious that he doesn’t know what to do now?

“You know why. And you’re still a shitty liar.” Chrissy laughs and shakes her head. “If you want to pretend like nothing happened...that’s fine. We can go back to the way things were. But please, stop being so tense.” She motions to him with her hands, unable to find a better explanation. “This is a bit odd for me as well. Not in a bad way...I tried going on a date once a few years after Connor, because Tony insisted that I try…”

Bucky grunts at this information. Suddenly feeling the need to do anything violent to Stark or the mystery suitor.

“Hey, he was trying to help. Anyways, it was a one time deal. It was horrible.” She laughs at the memory of the guy Tony set her up with. “So yeah. It’s weird for me too. But we can always go back to being the way we were before. It doesn’t have to go beyond that.”

Why does his chest hurt? The thought of them not pursuing anything further, actually causes some sort of anxiety. Eyes wide, he suddenly realizes that Chrissy’s offering this because she thinks that he doesn’t want anything more from her.

Does her silent admission to Logan now make them anything more? Well. Yeah. However, she didn’t actually admit anything out loud to him directly. Does that still count? Probably. Do they need to label anything? Probably not. Does he need to reassure her of his...she does know, doesn’t she? Does he really have to say something like that out loud? Probably.

“No. I can’t go back.” He shakes his head and then sits beside her. His thumb drags over her bottom lip, the memory of how her lips always feel against his still fresh, still desired. Eyes dart down to her mouth then back to her face. “Is this still...ok?” He inches closer and waits.

The woman presses her lips against his. “Course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? Silly.” She pulls him down onto the bed with her, arms wrap around his shoulders and she feels a heavy groan leave him. Content and happy.

Usually there’s always the reminder that someone’s here in the house. A reason they have to be a little more discreet. But now, they’re all alone. Total privacy and that knowledge is what seems to be fueling his blood to run a little faster, a little warmer. But he made a promise. And he doesn’t break them.

When her hands and fingers run up the length of his neck and hairline, sending goosebumps and shivers down his spine to his stomach, he’s forced to slow things down. “This is great…” The Soldier clears his throat as he pushes himself up onto his elbows. “But I need to stop...for now. This time.” A hand reaches up for his face and he leans into it.

It’s not going to go any further than this right now and that’s just fine.

When Chrissy’s lying beside him, arm resting over his chest as he drags fingers along her forearm, she feels him exhale lightly. “I thought maybe. That after Logan’s visit. That...maybe you changed your mind about…us.” The Soldier clears his throat. “What is this?” He asks and she knows what he means.

“Does it need a name?” Chrissy looks up at his face, he’s smiling. It’s more than dating, they know that. Boyfriend, girlfriend, sounds so juvenile.

“Nope.”

He loves her and she’s right here. That’s all that matters.  
  


* * *

Something’s off. The forest is quiet. Barely any noise. Barnes remains perched on a large boulder, his trained hearing and eyes searching the woods. Nothing. No birds, no rodents. Just silence and the wind rustling through the branches.

Taking in a deep breath, the Soldier notices something. The fresh metallic smell of blood in the air. He heads in the direction of the lingering scent to find a fresh kill, maybe just a few hours old. A buck, the throat torn out, blood pooled on the ground. What a waste. Bucky studies the surrounding area. No fur, no claw marks. Nothing. A cougar wouldn’t do this. Wouldn’t make this mess. Wouldn’t kill something this large. Wouldn’t abandon a fresh pile of meat like this.

Rotating his shoulders, he tries to ignore the warning signals his body is sending to his brain. Danger. Something’s way off. The Soldier can hear a faint pant in the distance, a lone wolf is watching him. Maybe he’s scouting, wanting in on this free meal. “All yours pal.” Bucky does his best to make sure not to turn his back on the set of eyes he knows is following him. Where there’s one, a pack is bound to follow.

Barnes decides that he’ll keep this bit of information to himself for now, he doesn’t want to scare Chrissy. He remembers how long it took her to become at ease after the bathroom incident. He won’t warn her unless he’s a hundred percent sure there’s something to be concerned about. Until then, he’ll just have to make sure to keep an eye on her and the farm, maybe get Charlotte to scan for predators like wolves and cougars near the farmstead more often.

* * *

Sitting on her bed, tablet in hand, papers scattered around the bedding, Chrissy exhales, aggravated. Balancing a pen in her mouth as she tries to sort through all of the files that Shield has sent her. They are suggesting adding more property and more buildings to her ownership. Is that something she really wants to take on? Does she even have time for more responsibilities?

So busy with her work, Chrissy barely notices the Soldier as he places himself on his belly next to her. “You’ve been in here for hours.” Bucky takes all of the paperwork from her, places it into a neat pile and sets it on an end table.

“I know. It’s not even all that important, but I hate having anything left unfinished.” She sighs as she places the pen and tablet into the backpack. “Any plans for the evening?”

“Nope.” The Soldier takes the bag from her hands and tosses it to the floor. Lips are pressed against hers with a mischievous smile. “This works just fine.”

Chrissy grips the back of his neck and hair as he lowers them gently down into the bed. Their kisses becoming more heated when he places himself above her. There’s a hand trailing up her thigh tightly as he ducks his head and kisses her jawline. Mouth returning to her own, a gasp escaping both of them when he unintentionally grinds into her pelvis. Without thinking, her hands are searching for the base of his shirt, pulling it up and off.

Aren’t they supposed to be taking things slow? Oh well, he’s only following her lead and will stop the minute she shows any signs of uncertainty.

Bucky’s breath hitches when her fingernails trail along his rib cage. Rough facial hair grazes the skin of Chrissy’s neck and collarbone. The straps of her shirt are pushed off of her shoulders as he continues kissing her gently. There’s no sign of rejection when her curious hands reach his belt and begin to untie it. Anticipation and excitement. That’s the only thing she can feel coming from him. Lips crash down onto hers. His breathing is ragged and deep. Tongue is hot and forceful against her own when she reaches for the button on his jeans and undoes it. Pushed up on his elbows, unsure exactly where this is going, his arms begin to shake. It’s hard to focus with her hands sliding down his belly towards the edge of his pants.

Then hell of all hells, his cell phone begins to ring. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Chrissy laughs against his lips. “Don’t you dare answer it.” A gentle nip.

Grunting out in frustration, he lies against the woman, breathing out heavily against her neck. The phone rings again. “I have to.” A groan of aggravation. The phone rings again. Pulling the device of burden from his back pocket he stares at the blank screen. Blank? That’s, odd.

Accepting the call, he places the phone against his ear. If this is a telemarketer, he’ll find them and do something very unpleasant.

The Soldier is still above her. Chrissy can’t hear what’s being said, but she figures she’ll have some fun while she’s waiting. She trails kisses along his jaw and neck as her fingers trace his lower abdomen suggestively. It’s taking a lot of self control, she can tell, Bucky has to shut his eyes and take a few deep breaths. A smirk playing on his lips, he knows what she’s doing. Goose bumps form over his skin as she continues her evil game. Thighs flex around his hips. He chews at his bottom lip.

The look of content and bliss on his face is replaced with worry and fear. “What? Why didn’t you call sooner?” He’s pushing up on his arms to sit up and she’s following. Concern now growing in her stomach. There’s only one reason she can think of that would cause Bucky to become so alarmed.

“Yeah. I’ll go. When?” Bucky’s running a hand through his hair. He shares a worried look with Chrissy and exhales deeply. “No. In and out. I’ll go alone. It’ll be faster that way. Yeah, yeah. I don’t care. Cover it up with all the black tape you want. You just better hope he’s still breathing…”

Bucky hangs up the phone and tosses it aside. “Steve and Sam...no one can reach them. They were on a simple mission. Was suppose to be quick and easy. But now, it’s different. They need someone to go in and clean up.”

“Bucky…” His mind is made up, she can’t change it and she knows this. “You don’t think it would be safer to have someone go with you at least? Clint or Tony.” Tears sting her eyes. Terrified of what might have happened to both Steve and Sam. Afraid of what might happen to this man. She just got him back in a manner of speaking. “And for you to…are you sure that you’re alright to go in there and do that?”

He stands up and ties his pants and belt. “I know you’re scared...but he’d do the same for me. And it's what I do. What I've signed up for. You know that.” A gentle reminder. Bucky can't change who he is. Not totally. Bending low, he kisses her trembling lips. “I’m coming back, and we’ll pick up where we left off, promise. Ok?”

“Ok.” She whispers, metallic thumb wipes away the tear on her cheek. “Get them out of there. And please be careful. I know how you are. Act first, think later. I want you back in one piece.” Her forehead rests against his, willing herself not to think of this as the last time she’ll see his face.

* * *

It’s only been a few hours since Bucky left, but when that familiar sound is heard, Chrissy can’t help but breathe a little easier. The aircraft lands in the field, Chrissy waits patiently, arms crossed, heart beating hard in her chest. Then she sees them, all three of them leaving the aircraft. Looks like Wilson is limping a bit and Bucky is all but dragging Steve. Quickly she runs up to Sam and places her hands on his shoulders.

“You alright?” He’s favoring his left side, but seems intact.

“Yeah...I’m alive. Cap wants to stay here...lie low for a bit.” Sam grins. “And I’m not about to miss out on any of your cooking.” The man winks and she knows he just can’t bare to be too far when Steve’s injured. How badly?

“Alright. Lemme help you.” She offers and wraps his arm around her shoulders.

Gently Sam grasps her shoulder. “Your boy’s just fine, by the way. Probably tired, but I don’t think the bastard even has a scratch on him.” He sees her visibly relax.

Chrissy helps her friend into the home and gets him to rest on the sofa. “Don’t you dare bleed all over that.” She turns on her heel and heads for the door. Bucky and Steve are standing on the front porch.

“Let me sit here for a minute.” Steve points to the bench. “I need fresh air…” He snickers as his friend helps him sit down.

“Steve.” Chrissy kneels beside him, tilts his head to each side and then begins investigating his chest for any holes.

“Chris...I’m alright. All my organs are still on the inside.” He smiles down at her. The small woman hugs him carefully and takes a step back to give him some room.

“Miss me?” A gruff voice near her ear. “Told you I’d come back. Just on time for supper by the looks of things.” He scoffs.

Chrissy wraps her arms around Bucky’s neck and pulls him into a warm kiss and then hugs him. “I’m glad you’re all safe.”

Bucky doesn’t miss the happy smirk Steve tries to hide as he attempts to advert his eyes. “Let me get this punk up to his room so he can get cleaned up.”

“Chris, why didn’t I get that kind of greeting?” Sam teases from where she left him.

“You’re filthy and covered in dried blood.” She reminds and heads inside.

“Come on.” Bucky offers his hand to the other Soldier with a knowing smirk. “And keep your mouth shut. I don’t want to hear it.”

The Captain grasps his friends offered hand and grins. “What? I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.” Bucky laughs as he grasps the other man’s belt and lets him rest his arm over his shoulders. “Wilson. You can take my room.” Bucky gestures towards the stairs.

“Cool, thanks. Not like you’re using it...right?” Sam winks, a smirk playing across his face.

“Shut up…”

“Tell me you got some clothes that might actually fit me. You’re waist…I just know my pants will be dropping every five seconds.” Sam pries as he makes his way upstairs.

“I’m sure there’s something here for you...Tony’s got clothes here as well.” Bucky laughs, trying to picture the Falcon in some sort of expensive suit. “Steve’s got more clothing here then I do.”

* * *

He smells clean. Fresh soaps. The odor of blood and whatever else that was lingering on him gone. The hot water did lots for his screaming muscles. When the Soldier exits the bathroom, Chrissy isn’t in bed. He can hear her voice, she’s talking with Steve, making sure he has everything he needs. Next she knocks on Bucky’s bedroom door, checking in on Wilson, she’s asking him the same questions.

Bucky smiles and shakes his head. Exhausted, he climbs under the covers and tries to keep his eyes open. Jake’s at the side of the bed, sleeping, Chance is curled up in a ball by his retriever friend. A few minutes go by and he can feel his eyes grow heavy.

Chrissy crawls in bed beside him, kisses his cheek and turns off the lamp. The man pulls her close, tucking his chin over the crown of her head. Her breath is warm against his chest when she exhales softly. Fingers grip his metallic arm, reassuring herself that he’s real and back safely.

“That was quick.” She's referring to the mission. “And a welcomed change.” She laughs lightly as she looks up at him.

Bucky places a kiss on her lips. “Weren't we supposed to continue and finish something?” A sly grin as he rolls, forcing Chrissy onto her back.

“Yeah. But not with people here.” She giggles as he kisses her shoulder. Their first time being that intimate really should be in private.

“I'm only following through with a promise I made.” He hears her laugh again. Of course he’s just playing around. Making sure there’s a bit of humor in their lives. Her laugh, is not something he'll ever get tired of hearing. “We can be quiet.” He will nerve push. Never. But humor is something he knows she appreciates and it's a part of him he enjoys as well.

“Somehow I don't believe you.” Chrissy pulls him close, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him fiercely. “Another time sweetie. Promise.”

Bucky tries to sound annoyed and disappointed. “Fine…” But he fails miserably. She knows he's not one to rush anything with her. “Guess that's alright.” He huffs out with a smirk and a roll of his eyes.

Chrissy nips his bottom lip and drags her fingers down his sides towards the hemline of his pants. Instantly, his posture stiffens. Ok, her sense of humor, not as funny, not as nice. Mean woman.

“Hey.” He warns jokingly and suppresses the groan wanting to leaves his throat. “Don't start teasing like that. You start something, then we're going to finish.” Although he's joking, if she'd offer he'd take her up on it in a heartbeat. Quiet? Probably not. Would he care? No. Not at all. Would Steve and Sam? Probably, Bucky still doesn’t care.

“Bucky, how much about...this sort of thing do you remember doing?” Chrissy's curious, because she needs to know what boundaries he has without crossing any lines and making him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

The Soldier clears his throat. “Enough...” That's a lie, he's not going to tell her how much he actually remembers. There's a lot. And sparing her the details in that area of his past is for the best. Gentlemen, but a Ladies man. That much he's certain of and for some reason feels a bit ashamed. He'd much rather have a discussion on the torture sessions he forced upon some poor victim. Less awkward.

Chrissy kisses him quickly and smiles. Her intuition telling her she was right. She has an idea of how he was. “Alright.”

The man settles against her frame. Hand traveling up her thigh with no hidden intent. Just enjoying the feel of her skin under his touch. “You mean more to me then any of them ever did.” Not a one nighter or casual thing. He hopes she understands this.

“I know that.” Another lingering kiss. “I love you.” His eyes widen at this. With everything that happened when Logan was here, he’d known all along. But now it’s there out in the open and it’s true. For real. Pure confession. A confirmation that has his breaths coming out shaky. “And you don't have to say it back. I know how you feel. Words, not your thing. But I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

Bucky presses his forehead against hers and smiles. He wishes he could utter the same words. He does love her. More than she can ever comprehend. But saying it. Having the words hanging out in the air. No, that's only for a time when he's certain that he's not going to be ripped from her life.

His nose drags against her throat, taking in her scent. “They better not visit for long.” A shaky breath full of want leaves him. He loves having Steve here, but right now is poor timing. His heart picks up speed and the Soldier sighs against the skin near her collarbone. His fingers squeeze her thigh. Not a letcher he reminds himself with a frustrated forced laugh.

“Bucky. We should get some rest.” She hears him groan out completely frustrated. “Want me to run you a cold shower?” Another groan. “Or maybe you need to sleep in a different room?” She laughs.

“No...it's fine.” Another sigh as he settles beside her. “I'm not going to be pleasant for a few days.” They're both laughing.

“Bucky.” Chrissy’s massaging his palm.

“Hmm?” His eyes are closed, enjoying the way she’s pressing down on the muscles of his hand.

The woman clears her throat. There’s an air of nervousness washing over her. “You’re not actually angry or uhm, disappointed for real, are you?”

The Soldier rolls onto his side and chuckles lightly. “Angry? With you or this? Come on, you know better then that.” Chrissy squirms her way closer and rests her head on his outstretched arm. “Disappointed? I’m not gonna say no, but I’m not gonna say yes.” He smirks.

“Alright.” Chrissy yawns. She can feel him drag the covers up to her shoulders. His heart beat is back to normal. She relaxes against his frame. “Thanks for coming back in one piece by the way. And for bringing them back as well.”

“Made a promise to my girl.” He breathes out contently. “Wasn't about to break it.”

* * *

Rogers is leaning back in a dining chair as he continues to stare down at the hot cup of coffee in his hand. Sam is going over the details of last night’s botched mission with Barnes. “So Hammer is working with Hydra. Well sort of. And this is something we already new. Now it’s just confirmed. They have a contract together.”

“A contract?” Bucky scoffs. How can anyone have such a deal with these people?

“Of sorts.” Sam sighs. “The intel that we gathered before going in suggested that Hydra got the scraps for Justin to work with. Broke him out of prison and keep him in hiding. As part of their deal, he gets unlimited resources to work with...to make and outfit them with weapons and whatever else.”

“Most of it is Stark tech, so they figured he had an upper hand when working with it.” Steve chuckles at this ridiculous notion. “We already know how well that worked out. However, if he can figure out Tony’s reactor. And they give him access to more lethal supplies...” Cap doesn’t need to finish for Bucky to understand. The death ray.

“Alright. So...if you guys knew all of this already. Why were you in there?”

Steve sits up straight. “Nat got a tip. Said that this facility had info on where the new weapons and equipment was being held, and Hammer was supposed to be there.” The Captain sighs. “We got what we could. Shield is working on decrypting what little information we were able to pull.” Steve rubs his palms over his tired eyes. Even a super soldier needs rest. “Had we taken Hammer into custody, we probably would have gotten more info.”

“If not, at least their so called brains of the operation would have unavailable.” Sam adds.

“We’re being picked up tonight.” Rogers lets out a long breath. “Ross wants a debriefing. Then we’ll have to come up with another gameplan.”

Running his tongue along his teeth, Barnes runs a few scenarios through his mind. He knows Steve wants to ask, but hasn’t out of respect. “You know where I’ll be if you need me.”

“You sure you’re ready?” Sam crosses his arms and raises a brow. “No offence man. And look, I appreciate you saving our asses back there…”

“I can’t keep sitting on the side lines.” The Soldier shrugs. “Besides, someone has to keep you two out of trouble.”

* * *

The golden retriever watches his human as she walks along the path to the barn. She’s a decent biped his human. She keeps him fed and offers him wonderful treats. And Jake loves treats. She also always knows where to scratch him and that’s wonderful.

Jake likes guarding the farm. It’s his job, his duty. Even if the horses can be temperamental or rude. They don’t understand how difficult his job can be. He needs to keep watch over his human and over this land. It was a promise he made to his other human Connor all those years ago. Besides, there’s always visitors that show up here and offer Jake treats and scratches. Like Frank, Jake loves the older human. He always carries dried meat in his pockets for Jake. And this he appreciates very much.

Then there’s the one that his human calls Tony, one of Jake’s friends. This one always arrives with some sort of treat or new toy for Jake. Steve, that one is large and can toss a ball really far. This makes Jake tired, but it seems to please the large human, and Jake would hate to see this man not be happy. Yup, his job is exhausting.

But out of all the ones that have come to his human’s farm, this one is the one he likes the most. Bucky, he hears his human name him. He’s always sharing his meals and takes Jake with him when he hunts. And Jake loves to hunt. This one even brought home a small furball. At first Jake didn’t like the small ball of annoyance they call Chance, but after a while he realized that this thing they call a cat is also in need of Jake’s protection. And Jake is very good a protecting.

This male biped, he makes Jake’s human happy and takes care of her when she won’t listen to Jake. You would almost think she ignores him on purpose or doesn’t understand Jake when he communicates with her. Maybe she needs more training.

For some reason, this Bucky had his arm removed and replaced. A silly thing to go and do Jake thinks. Sometimes, and Jake can’t understand why, this man becomes confused. He’ll get lost on the property or forget who Jake’s human is. And this makes her sad. Sometimes this human has fits in his sleep, or smells of fear and confusion. So Jake is forced to wake him. Maybe this human needs Jake to take care of him as well. Humans are so needy.

It seems that this Bucky isn’t leaving his human’s side anytime soon. That makes him hers, and what belongs to his human, belongs to Jake as well. With a low whine of acceptance, Jake decides that he’ll keep a watchful eye on his human’s companion.

Jake knows he’s a good boy and does a good job, his human’s always telling him that. So does the man, Bucky, Jake reminds himself. He’s his human’s protector and friend.

So when Jake spots something unfamiliar in the field, he decides that he needs to investigate. If it’s something of importance, he will return and inform the biped with the funny smelling arm. After all, this is Jake’s home and he protects all who live here.


	25. Creed and Dogma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: So when I first got the idea for this story, it started with the fight scene you’ll read about soon. I knew I wanted this to be ‘one’ of the main events in this story. One of the things that everything led up to. The why’s and how’s would take place after. So I’m so happy to reach this point, you have no idea. This section has been written since I first started this piece. Wow. So it’s a surreal moment for me and I’m excited to present you with it. It’s fairly long, coming from me, that’s saying a lot. I hope you enjoy it and the ride that comes after. Because we are NOT DONE YET! (Shameless plug, yeah that’s right I did it)**
> 
> **Again, thank you to everyone reading, leaving likes, kudos, bookmarking, faving and commenting on this. All of our little chit chats in pms and comments are always great and I appreciate everyone one of you, even those who just stop in to read ;)**
> 
> **As always, read, review and enjoy!**
> 
> **Hey btw, you can find me on tumblr http:// vamporchid. Tumblr. com/ and I did a thing, want to know what I see in my mind’s eye when I’m writing this fic https://www. Canva .com /design / DAB-5yBeJ9w /view I put together images of how I picture things would look. Hope that’s fun for you all to look at. (Remove the spaces from the links)**
> 
> **Disclaimer: I own nothing accept Chrissy and my ideas. The rest belongs to Marvel/Disney.**

**Chapter 25: Creed and Dogma**

Jake hasn’t been around all afternoon, his food hasn’t been touched and he has yet to bark at the horses. 

Chrissy tries everything. Shaking his treat tin, calling his name and even squeezing his favorite noisy bear. Nothing. No dog barking. No excited pooch running out to greet her. Just, nothing. “I can’t find Jake.” She informs the Soldier as he carries lumber into the workshop. “I’m worried.”

“Alright. He can’t have gone too far.” He offers a reassuring smile as she makes her way closer, but deep down he has that sinking feeling. “Why don’t you check the house again. And then call Frank. Maybe he’s seen him around. I’ll check out here.” Bucky rubs her arms and offers that same smile. 

“Ok.” Chrissy does as he suggests and checks the inside of the house again. She looks under Steve’s bed and even in Clint’s room. “Hmmm…” Then she darts down to the basement and checks in Tony’s bedroom. “What the hell? Jake where are you?” Making her way back upstairs she looks out the window to see Bucky checking the workshop and the barn. Hands on his hips, he heads towards the fence and starts whistling and calling the dog’s name over and over. Nothing. 

After she gets off the phone with Frank, Bucky decides to approach Chrissy and inform her of what he has been finding on the property the past few days. He explains why he hasn’t said anything, he didn’t want to worry her. “I’ll go look for him in the fields and surrounding tree line. He can’t be far.” Feeling horrible, Bucky takes off into the forest in search of the retriever.

Chrissy stays behind, standing on the deck. Waiting. 

Bucky said it would be quicker and safer if she stayed home. Maybe Jake will return on his own, best to have someone here waiting for him.

* * *

If something had felt off the last few days, then this was definitely a cause for concern. Bucky finds yet another animal carcase. This time it’s a cougar. Same as all the other animals, throat torn out and left for dead. His eyes scan the field and forest line. Cautiously he makes his way back to the Chevy. Just as he turns the key in the ignition, he hears a whimper. The wind picks up, maybe it’s nothing more...another whimper, no a low whine.

The Soldier quiets the engine. His ears straining to decipher what direction that sound came from. Then he hears it again. Bucky grabs his rifle and heads out into the long grass. Weapon pressed against the dip of his shoulder, he slowly makes his way through the newly growing vegetation.

“Oh no…” 

Jake is lying on his side, his chest rising and descending quickly. He’s bleeding, but Bucky can’t tell from where, the poor dog’s fur is matted with blood and dirt. The Soldier kneels down beside his canine friend. “Hey pal. It’s ok.” The animal lifts its head slightly. Bucky sighs as he removes his plaid jacket and wraps the animal in it as carefully as possible. “Alright. I gotcha. It’s ok buddy.” 

The retriever lets out a low whine as it licks its chops. Jake attempts to wag his tail to show his gratitude, but he lacks the energy to do so. 

“I know.” Bucky slings the weapon over his shoulder and carries Jake to the truck. “Lets go get Chrissy and then take you to the vet ok?”

* * *

The drive home is quiet. Sally is keeping Jake at the animal hospital for the next few days. Just as a precaution. She assured her friends that Jake would recover, but she just wants to make sure that none of his wounds become seriously infected. 

Chrissy stares out the passenger window as Bucky continues the drive home. The silence is really unsettling. Is she upset with him? After all, this entire situation probably wouldn't have occurred had he informed her of the strange things happening with the animals lately. 

Bucky leans to the right and grips Chrissy's knee as he continues to keep his eyes on the road. “Sorry.” He clears his throat. “I should have said something about what I had been finding. I just...was trying to keep you safe without having you worry.” Her well being is the most important thing to him. He was only trying to avoid scaring her at the same time.

“Yeah. You should of said something.” His fingers tighten, preparing himself for a scolding. “I know you had the best intentions...but wasn’t this something you had made clear? Can’t protect someone by lying to them.” He doesn’t respond. She’s right on both accounts. “But I get why you didn't say anything.” A small sigh leaves her. “This wasn't your fault. Jake isn't one to stray far...something must of caught his attention. He was probably just trying to be a good guard dog.” She snickers and wipes her eye.

“Hey. It's ok to be pissed off or angry. You're allowed to be mad at me.” Bucky looks over at her. She's still looking out the window, not really looking in his direction. “Want me to sleep in my room?” A serious tone to his inquiry. He can’t blame her if she doesn’t want to be near him at the moment.

“No.” Chrissy places her hand over his. “I'm not mad at you. Only with whatever hurt Jake and whatever is killing all the wildlife. Even if I was angry...it’s not good to go to bed when you’re still upset with someone.”

“Alright. I’m sure that’s something you’ll have to remind yourself of in the future.” He snickers. The Soldier lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the top of it quickly. “Tell you what. Tomorrow morning I'll go out and find this damned animal. Before I do, I'll call Tony and see if there's something he can do with Charlotte.”

“If none of that works?”

With a loud exhale, Bucky checks the rear view mirror and seems to become fidgety. “I'll find it...but if I don't.” Licking his dry lips he pulls the truck into the driveway. “I'll contact Logan.”

“What?”

The truck is put into park and the engine turned off. “You're safety. The safety of the people who come here...is what matters to me.” The Soldier clears his throat forcefully. “My pride…stubbornness...fear, or whatever, will have to be put aside.” A hand rubs over his mouth. “Other than myself, he's the only other person I know of that would be able to track this thing.”

“Bucky he might not…”

A small laugh. “For me. No. For you...” He glances in her direction. “I'd have to not be present when he's here. Honestly, it's one of the only reasons I haven't called yet. Not too fond of the idea that I would have to leave your side.” Bucky pulls the keys from the ignition and leans back. “But he'd keep you safe.”

“Bucky…”

“I'm gonna find it Chrissy. Might take a day or two. But I’ll find it.” The Soldier reassures. “Until then. You keep Connors gun…” Chrissy starts to interrupt him. “No!” He all but snaps as he grips the steering wheel, forcing it to creek. Jaw tightening and teeth clenching as he gets himself to calm down. “Don't...please just do this for me. Just stay at the farm. Keep his gun nearby. I know you can take care of yourself. Please, just...do this. And don't argue with me about it, because it’s not up for debate.” This is an order. She’s not used to taking them. Wow, he’s not good at these type of situations.

Chrissy crosses her arms and nods her head. “Fine.” A quiet, aggravate response. Alright, now she's upset with him. “Whatever you say.” Who can blame her. He's practically forcing her to become a prisoner in her own home.

“It's only temporary.” A quiet breath leaves him. 

“Sure.” She exits the truck and slams the door a shut. 

Groaning, the Soldier runs his hands over his face and through his hair. What the hell does he do about this? Combat tactics, gun fights, hand to hand, fine, perfect he can deal with that. This domestic stuff. Arguing. He doesn’t like it. He assumes no one does. But it’s not exactly familiar territory. Not something he really knows how to go about fixing. Chrissy's already in the house so he makes his way there as well. Standing on the porch he waits and listens. His gut telling him that something is in the woods, far off, but watching. 

“Charlotte. Don't let any animals that don't belong to this farm near this house.” Bucky removes his boots and coat.

_“Understood.”_

There's noise coming from the kitchen, lots of it. Chrissy must be baking, at 8pm in the evening. Maybe she’s just breaking dishes, he winces as a loud clatter is heard. Bucky knows it's her way to blow off steam. Should he go talk to her? Apologize? Deciding to leave Chrissy to her devices, the Soldier heads upstairs to their room. He finds Connors gun and starts taking it apart to clean it and make sure it has a full clip.

Two hours have passed, Bucky figures Chrissy's had enough time to cool down. When he enters the kitchen, she's leaning against the island waiting for the cookies in the oven to bake. A glass of wine in hand, her back to him, she looks tense. 

“I'm not mad at you anymore.” She tilts her head back and laughs. “So you're safe. And stop sneaking up on me.” Chrissy informs without even glancing in his direction.

Bucky wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her temple. “Here. Cleaned it up.” He holds the weapon by the barrel out towards her. 

Chrissy deposits her wine onto the counter. With a defeated exhale, she grips the handgun and then takes it from his hand. “Thanks.” This thing, although it's been in her possession for years, still feels foreign to her. She places the weapon onto the counter. “I'll put it somewhere safe.” 

“Are you sure you don't want me to sleep in a different room?” He rests his chin on the top of her head. This seems like the right thing to offer. Right? 

Chrissy grips the front of his shirt and leans into him. “No...you're warm. You jerk.” She sighs, still worried about Jake. Large arms squeeze her gently. A timer goes off, the loud buzzing causing Bucky's muscles to stiffen. “Cookies are done.” She giggles and pats his chest.

As she takes the tray of baked goods out and replaces it with another, Bucky notices a bottle of wine nearly empty. With a scowl he finds the cork and forces it back into the bottle with his metallic thumb. The glass of alcohol, yeah he's dumping that.

“Hey!” Chrissy slaps his left arm lightly.

“Go take a bath. I'll clean up.” The Soldier starts putting away the containers of sugar and flour. “I think I can handle taking out a tray of cookies all by myself.”

“Don't kill the the timer.” She giggles and then places a kiss on his cheek. With an annoyed puff of air, Chrissy takes Connors gun and leaves the kitchen.

Once she’s upstairs, Bucky stands outside on the deck. Listening for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. Good. Then, he hears something. Shit. The timer. He darts back inside on time to pull the tray from the oven. Alright, these ones might be a bit crispy. He exhales a breath of air that blows his bangs out of the way. Chrissy will never let him live this one down.

* * *

Bucky still hasn’t found that damned animal that’s stalking the property. And now, it’s raining, that doesn’t help her mood. At least it’s a sign that spring is in fact on it’s way. As she stares out the window, Chrissy realizes that she hasn’t checked the mail in a few days. Damn. She decides that she’ll call Sally to check on Jake after she dashes out to the end of the driveway to get her mail before it’s starts down poring. Bucky said not to leave the farm, the end of the driveway is considered that, right? 

This was in fact a bad idea. As soon as she reaches the mailbox, it starts to poor heavily.

“Damn it!” 

Chrissy’s soaked through when she reaches the house. She calls the vet’s office who informs her that they can pick up Jake tomorrow afternoon. “Perfect! Thank-you so much for taking care of my big boy.” It was just the thing to lift her spirits. Chrissy ends her call and then quickly, she heads up to her room with the intent to change into warm clothing. As she struggles to remove her soaked jeans, she hears the front door to the home shut loudly. What the hell? Footsteps are quickly making their way up the stairs.

“Chrissy?” Bucky looks panicked when he rushes past the bedroom door. The woman is standing there in just a pair of underwear and a wet t-shirt. 

Lifting a brow, Chrissy regards him. “Uh, is everything alright?” 

He’s staring at her, which causes her to blush. “I didn’t know where you were...and…what are you doing?” Her half nakedness not seeming to bother him one bit.

“Well I went out to get the mail, and then it started to rain. Then I called Sally’s office. I was just changing into some dry clothing.” She tosses the wet jeans onto her chair. He's still staring at her. “What?”

He’s suddenly really close, breathing is shaky. “You had me worried.” He confesses.

“Sorry.” Chrissy places a quick kiss on his lips. “Come on, I didn’t go far. Next time I get the mail in the rain, I’ll make sure to let you know.” She giggles and attempts to move around him. Bucky places himself in her way. “I’m fine…this is ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of...”

Lips crash down to her own. That was unexpected. Her arms are snaking their way around his neck and shoulders. His are already pressing against the small of her back. Chrissy’s just noticing now that he’s soaked through as well, he must have been out there looking for. Ok she feels a little bit guilty, but only a bit. He is afterall being a tad bit dramatic.

“I know I made you worry...sorry.” She says sheepishly, but Bucky no longer seems concerned. However, he’s still breathing deeply as he rests his forehead against hers. When his eyes open, Chrissy sees it, want, need, lust. 

Her fingers gently start undoing the buttons of his shirt. “Is this alright?” The Soldier nods, shutting his eyes once more, his hands grip her hips. When the last button is undone, she slides the wet material from his shoulders letting it fall to the floor, a light soaked t-shirt still clings to his frame. Tenderly, she places a kiss on his lips. “Slow, ok?” Again he nods.

Her hands travel up his sides under the shirt and he really doesn’t seem to mind that. Tensing only a little when she helps him remove the fabric, her hands are resting on his shoulders. He’s trying not to look in her direction. Is he embarrassed? “Does this bother you?” She’s dragging her fingers over his scars. “I can understand that. But this is part of you. A reminder that you’re a survivor, and strong.” Soft lips kiss the metal of his shoulder. “I have scars too remember?” She beams at him brightly while placing his metallic fingers on her abdomen. 

“Yeah...but you're still beautiful. Inside and out.” He smirks in a manner where she can’t tell if he’s happy or saddened. “Me...I'm...”

“One handsome devil. And one of the bravest, most selfless people I've ever met.” His eyes meet her own and he kisses her deeply. She’s pulled closer and can feel the uncertainty in his touch as he plays with the hem of her shirt. He wants this, but is afraid that he’ll do something that’ll cause her to change her mind. “You can take it off if you want. I want to be here with you, right now.”

With her permission he slips the clothing over her head. Excited and scared, his lips tremble against hers. Maybe this is too fast and he’ll scare her. 

Chrissy does the only thing she can think of to calm his nerves, she runs her hands through his hair and pulls him down closer, her tongue pushing into his mouth to glide against his own. That’s all it takes to make him feel at ease. To regain his confidence and groan into her waiting mouth.

Within a few minutes, she’s looking up into his eyes, making sure that this is still something he wants. Chrissy unties his pants while he nervously watches her hands, next thing she knows he’s placing them on the bed. The rest of the unwanted garments tossed to the floor. As they make love through the night, she pulls him impossibly close, gripping his hair, raking fingers over his flesh, causing him to gasp and moan. She keeps telling him things he doesn’t believe he deserves to hear. 

Bucky continues to remind himself of a few things. Like how much heavier he is compared to Chrissy, so don’t crush her. Children, not something to worry about, so calm the hell down. No one’s in a rush, so slow the hell down. It’s been forever, that’s fine, take your time boy. He also takes a few mental notes. Like how she enjoys being kissed below the jaw, loves having his arm wrapped around her waist as they move together. He’s starting to see that this isn’t just about the act itself either. Yeah he’s enjoying every minute of it, but this is the closest he’s been with anyone in over 70 years. Mentally and physically.

He’s also learning a few things about himself. When her tongue dips into the ditch of his collar bone, that just about ends him. His left hand is far more sensitive to touch then he thought. He can feel the warmth of her kiss on his palm and enjoy the curve of her breast when he squeezes her skin. Midrift is sensitive and apparently ticklish, causing him to grin and laugh when she pulls his bottom lip between her teeth and rake her nails over his belly. And his gal is a hair puller, nothing wrong with that, but it’s surprising and fun all the same. Guess she’s bit of a sex kitten, who would of guessed?

He’s so at ease. So comfortable.

This is the first time since losing his arm or his memories, that Bucky can actually remember not feeling degraded or humiliated when being nude in the presence of another human being. When her fingers tenderly trace over his skin or the lines of his muscles, it’s in admiration. There’s no malicious intent or examination going on here. The small whimpers and exhales of breath leaving her are because of the intimacy he’s causing her to feel. Not because of pain or torture. He feels wanted, loved, cherished and above all, safe. Not at all like some test subject, that will have to suffer through yet another horrible experiment, just to satisfy the forever thirsty and curious minds of some selfish scientist pricks. No never again. 

When he touches her in return, Chrissy doesn’t recoil from him. Instead she holds him close and envelopes him in warmth. Thighs tight at his waist, keeping him near. She smells like the rain that’s still falling just outside their window and she tastes like the honey she’d just had in her tea only a few hours ago. The soft noises they make and promises whispered to each other in the night will forever be imprinted on his soul. Past lives be damned if this is what his future looks like. He’s not leaving her behind, his kitten. God she’s going to hate that nickname, but it could be their little inside joke.

The sheets are entwined with their bodies as they lie in each other’s arms. He’s rubbing a thumb over her cheekbone, waiting for the hammering of his heart to stop. She’s sleepy and comfortable resting against his shoulder and chest. He’s still not sure how any of this happened. How could she possibly care for him this way, after everything? 

“Chrissy…” 

Her eyes are shut but she smiles. “Yes?” She purrs against his skin as he drags his thumb over her bottom lip.

“I’m pretty sure…” He clears his throat and presses his chin against her forehead. “I’m horrible at things like this...but you already know that.” Bucky lets a long breath escape his lungs, she’s so patient with him, as always. “I love you. I think that’s what this is.” The Soldier places the palm of her hand over his heart, that’s still beating incredibly hard. “Right?”

Bucky shuts his eyes, listening to the noise his own heart is producing, content with the sound. Chrissy kisses his jaw. “That’s up for you to decide, but it’s a safe bet.” Her kisses trail down to his neck and chest. “You know I love you Bucky.” Settling against him, she presses her ear to his chest. “And mine’s doing the same thing.”

He smiles at the thought that he can love and receive it in return. Skin is still humming and hot when she falls asleep against him, he’s pretty sure he probably won’t be able to sleep after something like that. Chrissy’s smooth and naked against his hard and marked frame, but she’s tired, he reminds himself, and he’s not going anywhere. This is something he plans on doing again. He kisses the top of her head. The way the metal of his left arm looks wrapped protectively over her frame, doesn’t bother him as much as it might have before.

* * *

The shower is running when Chrissy wakes up. Stretching, she looks at the alarm clock, 6:43 am. “Ick.” She sighs and then decides to curl up under the sheets. Chrissy’s contemplating getting out of bed when the Soldier exits the washroom in a pair of jeans, drying his hair quickly. “Hey.” She says softly.

With a small smirk he sits down on the edge of the bed, leans over and presses a kiss to her lips. “Hey yourself Kitten. Was trying to let you sleep in. We were...up pretty late. Or early. Which ever way you wanna look at it.” He grins, metallic hand rubbing small circles over her bare back.

“Did you just call me kitten?” She laughs and raises a brow in his direction.

“Uh, yeah.” He laughs. Chrissy looks amused, but also confused. “You have claws. I have marks to prove it.” He lifts her hand to display her fingernails. “And you purr sometimes.” He clears his throat and shrugs, a side grin appearing as he tries not to laugh. “That and you’re a bit of a minx…” 

“Bucky!” She’s giggling. “I thought it was a cute and endearing nickname. Not some kinky...thing…” She pouts.

“It’s cute. It suits you.” He's still smirking.

Chrissy laughs. “The word cute leaving your lips...now that’s endearing.” The man on her bed rolls his eyes. “I’m gonna get up and make us some breakfast. I want waffles.” 

Bucky stands up and pulls a t-shirt over his head. “Alright. I’m gonna go let the horses out into the field while you do that.” She knows that’s also his way of saying he’s going to scout the rest of the farm quickly just to make certain everything’s alright.

“Ok.” She watches Bucky as he ties his hair back and then heads downstairs. “K. Time to get up.”

* * *

Just as they finish eating, they hear the horses let out a squeal of surprise and then a bunch of galloping. Bucky rushes out onto the deck, he licks his lips and looks over the field in the direction where the horses are running away from. “I can’t see anything.” He huffs. Returning to the house, he quickly heads into the livingroom and fetches the Timberwolf. Back on the deck he rests the barrel on the railing. Looking through the scope he scans every inch of the field.

“What the fuck?” He zooms in. “Son of a bitch.” He grunts.

“What?” Chrissy waits patiently behind him.

“Dallas is down.” He says softly and stands up. “It’s a mess. I’m sorry.” Bucky grips her arm gently and makes sure he has her attention. “It’s close. I’m going to go put Dallas out of his misery. And then I’m going to find that thing and kill it.”

Chrissy nods. God damnit. Another one of her animals? Seriously? She’s never been a violent person, but she wants this thing dead.

“You know where all of my stuff is stashed. Stay in the house. Get Connors gun. If I’m not back by nightfall call Logan.” The Soldier presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“Ok.” She rubs the hand on her arm. “Please, be careful.”

“Always.”

* * *

Tony’s sitting at his desk, staring out the window when Ross finally shows up in his office. The older man sighs, drops a folder on the desk and takes a seat. Wincing when he adjusts his position, the Iron man grins. “What’s this?”

“Because of your...alterations.” The older man begins. “We’ve been able to keep an eye on Sergeant Barnes with high precision. Even if he ever decides to join the Avengers, he’s still a liability. We can’t let the knowledge that’s locked away in his mind fall into the wrong hands. But it’s also something that we need as well. It’s the key to disarming Hydra, infiltrating them properly.”

“I can’t say that I don’t agree...but the man did prove himself and his loyalties time and time again...what more could you want?” Tony’s tired and sore and quite frankly just not in the mood for a long boring debate. 

“There’s always going to be a chance that he’ll take off and disappear again. This is something we need to prevent, at any cost. Not only is he a valuable asset because of the information he retains...he’s living proof that threats to this nation and the U.N are still very much real and present.” Ross can see that he has the other man’s attention. “Even if he did vanish, we’d have a way to find him, it would take a bit of effort to round him up. I’d rather it not come to that.” The tone in his voice, he’s hinting around and can tell that Stark understands him.

“What are you saying?” Tony sits ups and crosses his arms. “You’d use Chris or Steve as bait? A way to lure him out of hiding? You think any of us would let something like that happen?”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. Besides, Barnes isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Is he?” Ross lifts his brow and remains patient. Tony remains silent. “We were hoping something like this would happen. Things will fall into place much smoother now. We really prefer to not have to use force with him. He’ll cooperate much easier now. That Soldier has had enough done to his mind, I’d rather if we didn’t have to use those same measures on our part. Besides, he doesn’t have to be here at the facility for this to work.”

Still confused, Tony tilts his head to the side. “I’m not sure I follow.” He sees Ross gesture to the folder. Stark opens the file, his jaw clenches. There’s a few pictures and notes at the beginning. Chrissy’s lying in the field, Cesar impaled and then a few written notes on the _‘Soldier’s’_ reaction and how he approached the situation. Tony lets an exhale leave his nostrils, but continues reading the notes, looking at pictures, he’s becoming more and more angered. He doesn’t like being reminded of these horrible things. _Migraines_ , scribbled at the top of one section with a picture of Tony holding Chrissy’s unconscious form. He turns the page, another picture, Barnes leaning over a bathroom sink, _‘Signs of PTSD still present’_ , point form notations and the doctor’s personal input. Tony keeps turning pages and keeps seeing things that are causing him to become more and more agitated. 

Then he lands on the most recent pictures. Black and white photos of Chrissy and Barnes. A few of them kissing, the way they look at each other, he was right all along. Tony sighs, these two polar opposites are head over heels for one another. The guilt that rises in his chest, he wants to be happy for her, but with this man, he’s certain she’ll only find more pain. A few more photos of them together, this time intimately, in bed, nude. Jesus, thank God they are covered with bed linen.

At first he feels an overwhelming anger as he stares at these pictures. How he wants to tear apart the man in the photos. This man that Tony said from the start that could be trouble, is pressed up against his friend, her hands gripping his hair and flesh, their lips locked. But then he realizes something, why the hell are these photos in his hands to begin with. This is an extremely private moment between a man and a woman. Even though he’s not pleased about her choice in men, this is a sacred thing, for Chrissy and Bucky’s eyes only. “What the hell is this?” His eyes leave the pictures and he quickly shuts the folder.

“Like I said, he won’t be leaving anytime soon.” Ross smirks. 

“This is disgusting and degrading. It’s not why I made those upgrades and it’s certainly not something you have the right to look in on!” A hand brushes through his hair. “They’re...well they were...and in her bed...and you have pictures?” Tony stands from his chair and heads for the door, folder in hand. “I want the copies of these destroyed. Now!”

“You seem to be confused, you have no authority over this or The Winter Soldier.” The older man informs. “Besides, we’ve analyzed the footage countless times and he most certainly cares for the woman. There’s no way he’d...”

“Are you kidding me?” Stark interrupts Ross’s explanation. There's videos. He’s going to be sick. Steve, he needs to tell Steve. “Destroy those videos, now!” Jaw set as he practically threatens the man before him.

“Why? Because two people are intimate on film? Please. This is not some sleazy workshop. This is factual and important research…” Ross buttons up his suit. “Besides, we’re studying him. The more we learn about him, the more...”

“Nothing you can say will make this any less creepy.” Tony decides to just find Steve. “This ends now.”

* * *

The Captain rubs a hand over his mouth, still in shock. “Jesus...Tony.” He pushes the folder away unable to continue looking through it, disgusted, not with what’s in there, but why it’s in there. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I didn’t know they were going to do any of this…” He waves his hand in the direction of the folder. “I wanted to make sure she’d be safe. I didn’t know they’d be looking in on the place twenty-four-seven.” Tony clears his throat in an attempt to push back the gag he feels forming.

Steve doesn’t even have the chance to be happy for his friends. Bucky has found someone to care for deeply enough to...and it’s all been recorded, documented like some sick science experiment. This will destroy him, to know that he’s been used as a lab rat once more. Not only that, he’ll want to savagely kill anyone involved with this project. Why shouldn’t he?

“You should've come to me with this before it got this far.” Steve shakes his head, disappointed, again. “We have to tell them.”

“I know.” Tony’s scared. He’s already lost Pepper, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses Chrissy over this as well. “She’ll hate me.” Tony rubs his fingers over his eyes. “I can’t blame her. I feel disgusted with myself. Worse because I saw...well that…and I know that some creepy old scientists are just analyzing every minute...”

“Maybe she’ll understand with time. She has a forgiving nature Tony.” Steve sighs. “But you have to prepare yourself for the worse. This an invasion of their privacy...it’s not something anyone should see...and to know that Ross has been directing an entire project around him, them...it’s a violation.” 

It’s not rape, they both know this, but it’s pretty damn close. This couple has been victimized and violated and they don’t even know it. Steve feels nauseated. How long has this been going on? From the day Bucky arrived by the looks of things. 

“When were these photos taken?” Steve clears his throat, he can’t believe this is a question he actually has to ask. The Captain leans forward resting his elbows on his knees.

“Last night.” Tony sighs.

Steve wishes that this could have been something Bucky told him about, he could have patted him on the back, gave him a thumbs up and a smile. Good job buddy, I’m happy for you. They’ll never have that conversation. Again, something important has been stripped away from his friend. The Captain’s happy for his friends, but he’s terrified for them as well.

“We need to get them out of there. Now.” Tony nods, agreeing. Steve picks up his phone and dials Bucky’s number. The man on the other end seems to be out of breath. “Buck? What’s going on?”

“Something’s off...was scouting. Keep finding mutilated animal corpses everywhere. All over the property...Steve, I’m heading back to the farm.” The sound of the Chev’s engine humming in the background is heard.

Tony can see the Captain become anxious. “What do you think is going on? You sound worried. Want us to head over?” Steve looks up at Tony.

“I don’t know...maybe nothing. Maybe a wild animal. Just doesn’t feel right. I’ll get back to you.” The phone call ends.

“Something’s wrong.” Steve stands and begins heading for the door. Suddenly, the alarm setup for Chrissy’s bracelet begins going off on both Steve and Tony’s devices. Sharing a look of concern the two men dash down the hallway. “Call Clint and Wanda, I’ll get Sam.”

* * *

There's a creek in the wood on the front porch, then a few footsteps. Bucky must of found and dealt with the animal quicker than he thought. Thank God. Drying a coffee mug, Chrissy makes her way to the living room. She doesn’t see him wandering around, so she opens the front door and exits the house. Her eyes scan the horizon and she doesn't spot him anywhere. Strange. Something inside her screams to go back inside and get the handgun.

Just as she turns to head back inside, a strong hand clamps around her throat, threatening to drain the life from her. The mug drops from her hands and shatters. “Don't make a sound.” Low and threatening, but familiar. She can tell by the attacker's shadow that he’s very tall and husky. Remaining calm, Chrissy does as the man commands. The fingers around her larynx squeeze a little more and she can feel sharp nails slowly dig into her flesh. Wincing and hissing when the skin is broken, Chrissy continues to remain still. 

“Now, listen carefully. Your man is a bit busy following the breadcrumbs I left behind for him.” The man laughs quietly, knowing full well she has no idea what he's talking about. “He’ll be back soon, but that won't make a difference. I've been organizing a very special birthday present for a friend of mine. It's taken over a year and I'm not about to let you or your Soldier ruin it.” 

“Vic?” Her eyes widen, terrified. This man, Victor who she had gotten to know after all this time, rendered into a complete stranger within seconds.

Another low chuckle. “Yup. Victor Creed. Also go by Sabertooth. That one I'm sure you're familiar with.” He presses the side of his face against hers and she can feel his breath on her neck. “I can hear your truck coming up behind the fields. Must of found the goodies I left for him.” 

Her pulse speeds up and she knows he can tell that she's starting to panic. She knows of this man and what he's capable of. Logan had recounted many stories of this man's brutality. They are in deep shit. Twenty minutes. That's how long she needs to stall. With slow cautious movements Chrissy activates her bracelet without Victor noticing.

“This is how we are gonna do this girly.” He presses her close and forces her to act as a shield as they make their way farther on the porch. “Once he's outback, you're gonna call for him.”

Defiant, Chrissy shakes her head. “No.”

The brute squeezes tighter. “Either way this is happening. You're both going to die today. Now you can either give him a chance at fighting or I can sneak up on him and slit his throat.” There's saliva dripping onto her face. He shakes her frame roughly. “But I need you alive...for a little bit at least.” He licks her neck and she doesn't need him to explain further to understand. Oh God. 

“There, he's pulling in by the barn. Once he's out of that truck, you call for him like a good girl and maybe...I won't be as rough on you later.” He's taking in the scent of her hair as his other hand grasps her upper arm.

They can hear the door shut and the tailgate open. “Call for him...now.” A whisper in her ear, a tear trails down her face. Then she thinks of something, maybe a way to warn him.

The grip around her throat loosens enough to allow her to scream. Gripping the hand at her neck, Chrissy musters up all the courage she can and yells. “James!!”

“That's a good girl.” Sabertooth smiles against her neck and slides a hand to her abdomen. 

It takes Bucky less than a minute to appear cautiously around the corner of the house. He can’t take a shot at Vic without the risk of hitting Chrissy, so he carries the rifle at the ready, pressed against his shoulder.

“Drop it dipshit.” The other man smiles over Chrissy's shoulder and licks his lips. “And the rest of it. I can smell the metal.”

Bucky does as he's told. He drops the C14 and pulls the handgun from the back of his pants and tosses it aside. Standing still, he awaits the mad man's demands.

“This is priceless. The Winter Soldier, reduced to a pile of waste. Over a woman!” Sabertooth’s grip tightens on Chrissy when he sees the muscles in the other man's arm flinch. “Don't you move a damn inch!” Vic warns sternly. “You know I'm going to have to shower after I finish playing with your bitch. Your stench is all over her.” He takes a deep inhale of her scent, nose pressed against her temple. “I know you two were going at it all night. Could hear you from the fields while I was working.” He smirks when he sees the other man tense at this statement. “That's right. I've been watching this place for a long ass time.”

Laughing loudly, Vic shakes the woman in his grasp. “What took you so long to fuck this bitch anyways?” He's trying to aggravate the other Soldier and it's working. “Doesn't matter babe. I'll show you what a real man is like after I'm done tearing apart your boy.” 

Bucky licks his lips and rotates his shoulders. This man doesn’t intimidate him one bit. What he plans to do with Chrissy later on… the only reassurance right now is that means this brute plans on keeping her alive for the time being. The Soldier’s eyes lock with the woman’s. He doesn’t need to utter any words of reassurance, she’s well aware of what he’s capable of. When his eyes glance down at her wrist, the small A shining brightly, he grins. That’s my girl.

The Soldier readies his stance, bringing his right foot back. This man before him is massive, and maybe he plays the part of a dull minded husk well, but Bucky knows better. The man will use tactics, somehow he knows Barnes. And Bucky’s willing to bet that this man won’t charge him unless provoked.

“By the way, Hydra sends their regards.” Victor’s claws tear Chrissy’s shirt as he slams her against the siding of the home, knocking her unconscious. That seems to piss off the Soldier, but he doesn’t charge Sabertooth. “Come on you little shit. I’ve been waiting months for this.”

Bucky’s taking a few steps backs, he wants to draw Vic away from the house. He can see that the other man is getting tired of this game. Sabertooth wants to charge his pray, and Bucky’s counting on it. “How desperate have they gotten, that they’ve had to send the lowest of the ranks to deal with me?” The other man snarls. “Are they even paying you?” Bucky scoffs. “Or is the wages from your delivery boy job all you get?” He’s getting to the other man, he’s marching forward, angered. That’s a dangerous position for him to be in. When you’re angry, you’re not paying attention to what you’re doing. Perfect.

“Must have been quite the kick to the balls. Having to take orders from a delivery service manager. Pathetic. And you did that for how long? Over a year? Either you’re really patient, or dumb as fuck.” That did it. Victor charges him and Bucky steps to the sides. The large man digs his heels into the dirt and quickly turns around.

“I think I’m going to enjoy this a little more than usual.” Vic swings with a little too much force. The other Soldier easily dodges his punch. 

Barnes hits the man in the gut, the ribs and the face. Knee, left hook, knee. Blood drips from the large man’s mouth, a cut on his eyebrow heals before Bucky’s eyes. Shit. The Sabertooth retaliates, his large clawed hands swinging left to right. Just as Victor brings down his hands to tear apart the man before him, the other Soldier dodges out of the way. Claws scrape and bust through the barn wall.

“You can’t kill me.” He laughs at the other man’s efforts. The Winter Soldier is beating him in the face with his left fist. Sabertooth falls back onto his back laughing. Bucky quickly takes advantage of the situation and continues hitting the man in the face, blow after blow. He’s still laughing. Even as the blood drips from his ears and eye sockets, the laughter continues.

Blue eyes grow large as Bucky realizes how seriously screwed he is.

Maybe if he cuts the guy’s damn head off. Quickly his eyes scan the barn walls, for something, anything sharp enough. Catching him off guard, Vic slams the other man in the face with his fist. Barnes hits the opposite wall with a sickening thud. That’s going to leave a mark. Bucky rolls onto his side in the dirt. Groaning, two of his ribs are fractured, of that he’s certain. 

“Right...time to die little man.” 

There’s a knee pushing down on his chest. A large fist comes barrelling towards his face. Metallic hand stops the blow. 

“As fun as this has been. I have plans, commitments to keep.” Sabertooth glances back at the house and grins. “Tell you what. I’ll be easy on her. Easier than I have been on others...She seems like a scrapper. Probably won’t tear as easily as the last ones.”

“You sick twisted fuck!” Bucky pushes back the hand and nails the other man in the jaw with his foot. “Might take me a bit, but I’ll kill you!”

Sabertooth bellows. “Well come on then. I ain’t got all day.” Fingers wave the Winter Soldier over tauntingly.

Seeing an axe within reach from the corner of his eyes, Bucky dashes to the weapon and then quickly advances on the other man. Take his head off. Even if he can recover from that, it’ll give him some time. Cut his fucking head off.

Barnes swings and misses. Vic lashes out and grazes the cybernetic arm, spark fly in the air. Bucky swings again and then brings up his knee, hitting the man in the jaw. Smiling, Sabertooth grabs a handful of dirt and tosses it at his attackers face. Leverage. Now with the upper hand, he head bunts the other man in the face and the axe is dropped from his grip. Victor grabs the Soldier by the throat and brings his other hand back, he’s going to rip this man’s heart out from his chest and watch the life leave his eyes.

“By the time Logan gets here. You’ll be long dead.” He smirks, drool dripping from his mouth like a rabid dog. “And you’re woman...well, I’ll make sure I bleed her the right way. It’ll take a few hours...but he should have enough time to say goodbye.” A cackle. “More than what she got with her dumb ass husband.”

The Soldier’s eyes grow wide. Connor. This man needs to pay, needs to die. 

“Maybe...I’ll rip out your heart and leave it on a plate for Logan to eat when he gets here. I have to admit, these past few months of setting this all up have been fun.” As Victor brings his hand down a gunshot is heard. There’s a hole in his left shoulder and he’s forced to let the other man go. Turning around violently he sees Chrissy standing by the house, aiming at him with Bucky’s handgun. 

“Get away from him!” Four more shots are heard and everyone of them hit the man in the chest. But it doesn’t slow him down, instead he now advances on the woman.

“Bitch!” He breathes out heavily. “I’m gonna make you suffer for that!” Claws are displayed for her to see. “Peel your skin off layer by layer when I’m done with you.”

Bucky’s on the man within seconds. Axe to the back of the knees. Once the man hits the ground, the Soldier is on him, breaking every bone he can. Ripping out every organ he can. It’s not enough. Blood splatters everywhere as the crazed man only continues to laugh. What the fuck?

There’s a violent wind that Bucky doesn’t notice. Chrissy can see the Quinjet landing nearby. Before it’s even on the ground, Steve’s jumping from the hatch and Tony’s flying over to her. 

Victor is able to knock Barnes from him. Grabbing the man by the throat yet again, he begins to squeeze. A shield hits him in the back of the neck, causing him to stumble and drop his pray. His knees hit gravel, his face is introduced to Bucky’s right knee, and then to Steve’s shield once more. There’s a high pitch sound as Stark lets loose a blast to the man’s back.

“Now!” Tony yells and Clint lets loose an arrow that sticks into the mutant’s side. Victor goes pale and then sags to the ground. “Wanda!”

The Witch is levitating some specialized equipment, restraints and what looks like a muzzle. With little effort, she has the man immobilized and restrained. 

“Chris…” Tony leaves the protection of his Ironman suit and makes his way next to his friend. She allows herself to lean against the man. “You’re bleeding. Oh god...are you… I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

“I’m alright…” She tries to calm herself. “Please...check on Bucky. He’s hurt. I saw him get hurt.” Her grip on Tony’s shirt tightens.

“Steve’s with him. He’s ok. You’re both ok.” He tucks the crown of her head under his chin and rocks her gently. Looking up at the sky, he thanks whatever highpower for keeping her safe. Dread. He has to tell her. It’s not the right time...it’ll never be the right time.

Rogers looks over towards Stark and he nods. Tony knows what that look means. Steve’s resting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. The Soldier’s brow crinkles with confusion. Then Tony sees Barnes glance his way. Tony needs to explain this to Chris, now, before that man makes his way over here.

“Chris...I-I need to tell you something.” She shifts in his arms.

“Right now?” She pulls away, shaky and scared. “I...can’t it wait?”

“No.” He whispers. “It really can’t.” He takes a deep breath and glances at Steve. Barnes jaw is clenching. “I…” He tilts his head back. “Charlotte. Shield...well Ross, has total control over her.”

“What?” Chrissy’s confused. “What does that even mean?”

His eyes are back on Barnes. “The upgrades, the failures when she went down. All planned. As soon as Barnes showed up, they wanted full access. Eyes on him twenty four seven.” Tony swallows the lump. “I thought they would just monitor you...keep you safe...I didn’t…”

Chrissy takes a step back. “What are you saying?” She can feel herself pailing. 

“Ross. He’s become twisted...” Tony’s trying to remain calm. “I didn’t know that they would abuse it...you need to believe me.”

“You’re...you’re saying that they spied on him? On us? Every minute?” The man before her nods sadly. “And you helped them?” She whispers and takes another step back. Then it dawns on her what this means. “Oh God.” 

“I didn’t know till this morning. He showed me a folder...it had pictures...I-I’m going to get the project pulled. I swear, I didn’t know they were looking into your private life.”

There’s bile in her mouth. “My private life...There’s pictures?” She snickers, eyes watering as she turns away. “And a project?” Her hand covers her mouth. She’s going to be sick. When she blinks a few tears escape her eyes. Chrissy’s clutching the material of her torn shirt closed, trying to cover her exposed skin. The blood is still trickling down her neck. Tony is speaking, she can hear the words, but she can't believe them. Suddenly this man, her friend, is a stranger. 

“Chris...I didn't know...I swear.” His arms are held out by his sides, he looks just as helpless, just as lost as she feels. 

Eyes swelling with tears, she takes a few steps back. “Stay away from me…” A whisper of disbelief as her hand pushes on his chest. “Bucky? Where is he?”

Even if she ever manages to forgive him, Tony knows nothing will ever be the same between them. “I'm so sorry…” Filled with shame, his head hangs. His throat is dry. At the time when he installed those upgrades, he really did think he was doing the right thing. Ultron, Charlotte. “I wanted to keep you safe…”

“Nothing you say will fix this.” Chrissy’s eyes search for Bucky. Right now, she needs him. She spots Steve trying to hold the enraged Soldier back. Barnes brushes his friend aside.

“Buck! Don’t, it won’t change anything.”

“Son of a bitch!” Bucky’s fist connects with the Iron man’s jaw.

Tony hits the ground, the back of his head slamming into the dirt. “Yup, I deserved that.” Tony stumbles as he tries to regain his footing and spits out a mouth full of blood. Clint and Wanda are standing at the top of the hatch, wondering if they should intervene.

“I’ll kill you.” Bucky takes another step forward and is about to reach out and grab Stark when Chrissy places herself between the two men.

“Stop.” She whispers softly. “Please…” Her forehead rests against his chest. She’s angry, but she doesn’t wish for this man to die. And Bucky, he doesn’t need another dead body to add on his list of regrets.

Glaring down at the other man, Bucky wraps his arms around Chrissy’s shoulders. “Only because she asked me to. Do you understand?” 

“Yeah...I get it.” Tony takes a few steps back, wiping the blood from his mouth. “I didn’t want…”

“Shut up.” Barnes warns between clenched teeth. “The only reason you’re still breathing...is so that I don’t cause her anymore pain.”

Does he honestly believe he’s the one at fault here? God this man has more issues than Stark thought.

“Can we go inside? I just...I need to sit for a minute and figure out what we should do.” The side of her face is still pressed against his shirt, she’s avoiding Tony at all costs. This betrayal, burns and hurts more then anything she can ever imagine. Knowing that their private life isn’t as private as they thought, she just feels dirty and sickened. They were just nearly killed and now this.

Trying to calm himself, the Soldier nods and kisses the top of her head. “Yeah. I’m sorry.” He looks down at her, and he’s suddenly calm. “Here.” He removes his stained button up shirt and drapes it over her shoulders allowing for her to slip into it.

Tony feels it, right there, the guilt in his chest. When Barnes looks at Chris and she stares back, the reality of how bad he screwed up sets in. He had that once, with Pepper and now it’s gone. How could he ever take that away from Chrissy? Even if it’s not with a guy he approves of, that man loves her. It’s in his posture and the way he talks or moves around her. Barnes would die for that woman, almost had to.

“Are you alright?” She finally has a moment to check in with him. Bucky nods and licks his lips, pushing the hair from her face he examines her neck. Thumbs stroke her bruised jaw line. 

“I’m good...come on. I want to take a look at those cuts on your throat.” A sad smile as his teeth pull at his lip. Chrissy pushes up on her toes and kisses him gently, her lips quivering against his. “It’s ok. I’m alright.” He reassures. “It’s you I’m worried about. Your head...you were out cold.”

Chrissy wipes the moisture that’s building up at the corner of her eyes. “I thought for sure you were going to be killed right in front of me…” Her face is pressed against his chest once more. A light sniffle as she tries to regain some composure. To watch someone she’s in love with die, again. All because of Victor’s sick twisted mind to cause Logan more pain.

“He’s the reason Connor is dead...and he almost…” She’s going to start sobbing any minute, she can feel the tremors taking her over. 

“Woah. No. Not even close.” Bucky squeezes her frame. “Didn’t you see him? I literally beat his brains out. Twice. Saw it myself.” He’s trying for humor, he knows that’s her weak spot. “And then they regrew or whatever. He heals way too fast, so he just looks like he had the upper hand. That’s all.”

“You’re still shit at lying.” She feels him tug at her shoulders and lead her back into the home.

“Tony, how was he able to bypass the…” The Captain begins to question his friend.

Letting out a puff of air, the Iron Man shakes his head. “I don’t know.” Hands gripping his hair, he takes a seat on the stairs. “There could be a mole...maybe he messed with the equipment, Charlotte does recognize him. I mean...does it matter? He got in. And now he’s been apprehended.”

“No I guess it doesn’t matter how.” Rogers grunts. “But he did. And you’re gonna figure out how.” The other man nods. “Tony, stay out here...or go home…” Steve warns gently. “You’ll only make matters worse.”

Raising a hand in the other man’s direction Stark nods. “Yeah...figured that out on my own. Thanks.” Tasting that much blood in his mouth, good enough for now thank-you very much. He’s pretty sure he’ll need to see a dentist after this.

“Clint, I want you, Wanda and Wilson to take that animal into custody. We’re gonna hang back here. I’ll keep you updated.” The Captain rests his hands on his hips. “Maybe call Xavier on the way back. Let him know what happened here. See if he has any input.”

“Roger that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. I'm working on this one, little by little, I can't guarantee how fast these chapters will be out. But I'd like to hear what you think regardless.
> 
> Told you it was long.


End file.
